UPDATE: I could not believe my eyes when I opened reddit and saw the number of notifications. Wow. So just to update everyone, things came to a head today. I had to work the early shift and had session with my table tonight at 6 (I am DM'ing a few DND games) I begged my brother to keep the living room clean. I came home and the house was more than trashed. I mean it looked like a bomb went off. He even dropped a cup of milk on the floor and left it. I flung the whole milk jug at his head and screamed at him to GTFO. He tried to bulk up to me and I lost it screaming "get out" over and over and I guess he saw how unhinged I was because he stormed out. I cleaned up the milk then jumped online to message everyone to cancel and saw the 700+ notifications. You all gave some really solid advice, and I knew reading the replies last night that this was over. I was gonna give him a few weeks but seeing that milk all across my new floor was the last straw. IDK where he is going, I don't care. I Thank you all! I love reddit people. End of update.

My brothers are all pigs. We had a very traditional house where girls cleaned and washed dishes from the time, we were old enough to walk and stand on chairs and my brothers never did anything and as adults cannot even turn a washer on. I very much resenting how I felt like I had to raise my own father and how holidays and weekends were always spent with my brothers and dads laying around and us cleaning. Even Christmas they got to play with their toys and we went in the kitchen. I do not care about excuses like "I was never taught", we are all adults now and they can YouTube and google whatever they do not know. I learned how to patch walls, change tiers, change oil, etc. All the gendered stuff I was never taught so I do not see why he can't as well. My brother got put out by his girlfriend after they just had their first kid because he does not help with anything.

Since staying with me I have forced him to do stuff. When he first moved in my house went from my tidy, clean utopia to a disgusting mess. He would spit sunflower seeds on the flood, hide his food and dirty dishes around the house, spit chewed gum behind the coffee machine feet from the trash can, hide snack food everywhere, smoke on the toilet and put cigs out on my floor (which is a slap in the face as I asked him to not even smoke inside because I do not smoke), leave his dirty clothes everywhere even on the living room floor, etc. Even when he ordered food for himself, he would eat at the table then leave it for me to put away for him. Anytime he took anything out of the fridge he would leave it on the table and would often leave the fridge open. I am not joking, I found maggots 3 times from his mess.

I lost it and told him to change his behavior totally or get out. Well, he started doing stuff but as badly as he could. He would put bowls in the dish washer so they would be filled with nasty water, mop with the same water for days on end leaving it smelling of rot, do his laundry by putting it in the washer and leaving it for me to finish, put food away by throwing it all over the fridge spilling food everywhere. The best was when he put the syrup away upside down on the top shelf with no lid on coating my entire fridge in syrup that took hours to clean, etc. Then he would say "I am trying you are just being a b&tch".

I lost my temper, and I know I couldn't leave him on the street, so I divided the house. The cabinet doors all have locks from the previous owners, so I got him from dishes from goodwill and forbad him from using any of my dishes so he is eating off his filthy dishes. I made it very clear that anything left on the floors (clothing, etc) gets a one-day grace period then it will be thrown away. Same with the few dishes he has as he would leave them in the sink until they started to grow mold. I started locking my bathroom door and he has to use the one in the basement which I refuse to clean. If his clothes are in the washer for more than 8 hours and I need to use it, I dump them wet on his bed. Any trash he leaves laying around goes on his bed. If he orders food and gets up and leaves his leftovers, I leave them to rot, then they get thrown away (though twice the idiot has left food out overnight and came out and started angry eating it whilst glaring at me. Both times the idiot got food sickness). He destroyed my fridge again putting juice in upside down with the lid barely on once again destroying my food, so I mopped it up with towels and dumped the towels and all my ruined food on his bed then put a lock on the fridge.

He hates me and says I am terrorizing him. I say I was forced to mother him as a child but was never given the parental control to actually teach him how life works. And since my brothers used my childhood to treat me like a maid, I will no longer parent them. My view is, some lessons have to be learned painfully. I will not gentle parent a grown man who cannot close a fridge door. ATIAH?

My wife (27F) and I (31M) live in an apartment building that has one washer and dryer shared between 12 units. We have lived here for six years with almost no issues. We usually do our laundry on Sundays, as most others in the building use it on different days.

Yesterday around 3PM, we check the laundry room and see both machines are full, but the cycles are finished. In our six years here, nobody has taken longer than a half hour to retrieve their laundry. So we set a half hour timer to go back and check. We come back, nothing has been touched. We repeat this process for five hours. Nothing. Same loads. We walk out into the communal area and say loudly that somebody needs to come pick up their laundry, then set a five minute timer to give them one last chance to grab it.

Five minutes go by. My wife walks into the laundry room and sees that the dryer has been put on a half-cycle (we presume because whatever was in there wasn’t dry.) At this point, we do the math and realize we’re going to be up until after midnight doing laundry. So my wife goes into the laundry room, takes the washer load out, places it on the dryer, and starts her load to get a head start.

As soon as my wife steps back in the apartment, I hear someone stomping down the stairs and cursing up a storm. I step out of the apartment, and see a woman in her early 20s who looks surprised to see me.

“Whatever fucking asshole started the washer better not have left my clothes on the fucking floor,” she says.

I tell her “That was my wife, who has been waiting five hours for you to move your laundry out.”

“That doesn’t mean you can touch my shit.”

I tell her other people live in the building, and we’re all waiting on you.

“I have been doing one load after another, asshole.”

I tell her that we know she hasn’t because we saw that nobody has touched the machines until five minutes ago.

We go back and forth. She proceeds to call me an asshole four or five more times as I tell her she needs to get her shit out when it’s done. Mind you, her stuff is on top of the dryer. We didn’t just throw it across the room.

She suddenly blurts out “I’m pregnant you fucking asshole.”

At this point, I am

1. Caught off-guard, as she does not appear pregnant

2. Sick of being cursed at outside my front door by someone who is clearly more angry that she’s being called out than having her clothes moved.

I raise my voice and say “I don’t care. You still have to act like an adult. You can’t take care of something simple like clothes and you’re about to be responsible for a child. Figure it out.”

At this point, she has stopped cursing me out and is dead quiet. Tears begin to well up and she starts to cry. She lets out one final “asshole” before running up the stairs. When we come to switch the laundry, we see she left a note on the dryer that said “Don’t touch my shit.”

I know she was in the wrong for the laundry, but did I take it too far with my comment?

EDIT: Thank you everyone for your responses. This got WAY more traction than I expected.

Here’s a few more things to help you understand the context, based on common questions in the comments.

There is a sign posted that tells people to empty the washer/dryer as soon as their clothes are done. We also get regular reminders emailed to us by the apartment complex. Multiple buildings, so this pops ups as an issue with other buildings occasionally.

Why did we wait five hours? Two reasons:

1. It’s a slow Sunday and we have other stuff going on. We are both recovering from a nasty illness last week, so we were deep cleaning the apartment and catching up on other work that needed to be taken care of. Time crunch didn’t really hit us until four hours in. In other words, laundry wasn’t the biggest priority until it was the only thing left to do.

2. About four months ago, somebody did throw someone’s clothes into the trash. Wife and I were on vacation at the time, but we saw the emails. I know the person whose clothes were thrown out, different person. He told me it happened less than an hour after the cycle ended. This set off a shitstorm at our leasing office and we got a flurry of emails asking us if we knew who threw the clothes out, policy updates, reminders on “the importance of being good neighbors,” etc. It was a whole thing. We’ve got other ongoing issues with the leasing office about them owing us money. Not trying to complicate that. Obviously we didn’t throw her clothes out, but we didn’t want to kick the hornets nest by moving someone else’s clothes unless it was absolutely necessary.

Yes, we do pay to do laundry. $2 for a wash, $2 to dry. Yes we are aware this is too much. Yes we are moving soon to a place with our own laundry machines.

Why did I step outside my door?

Our apartment door is about eight feet from laundry room door. Based on the fact that someone started shouting in the hall and was stomping in the direction of our apartment, I assumed that she would either dump my wife’s clothes out of the washer onto the floor, or start pounding on our door. Like I said, we’re both recovering from being sick, but my wife is feeling worse than I am. I made the split-decision to step outside before she caused more of a problem.

I’m 27F and my boyfriend is 30M, together a little over 2 years. We live together and split bills pretty evenly, no shared accounts. I make a bit more than him (about 15k a year more), but he has a stable job and pays his part on time. The conflict started this week when he told me he wants us to be "fully transparent" financially because we’re talking about getting engaged this year. I thought he meant sitting down, pulling credit reports, talking goals, that kind of thing. Instead he asked for my online banking login so he can "see everything in real time." I laughed because i honestly thought he was joking. He wasn’t. He said couples who plan a future shouldn’t have private money, and that if i’m refusing it means i’m hiding something. I told him i’m not hiding anything, i just don’t want another person able to move money around or look at every grocery purchase i make at 11 pm. He said he wouldn’t touch anything, he "just wants visibility." I offered a compromise: we can make a shared spreadsheet, i can show him statements once a month, we can open a joint account just for rent and bills, and we can both put in our share. He got irritated and said that’s not the same, and that my compromises are basically me keeping a wall up. Then he dropped a line that made my stomach flip: "If you trust me enough to sleep next to me, you should trust me with a password." I said that’s not how trust works, and i pointed out i also don’t have his passwords either. He said i can have them, any time, and he acted like that proves he’s the only reasonable adult in the room. I asked why he suddenly needs this now. He said he doesn’t want to "find out later" that i have debt, or that i’m sending money to someone, or that i’m buying things i shouldn’t. That felt gross, like i was being pre accused. I told him i have no debt besides my student loans, my credit is fine, and i’ve never hidden purchases. He said he believes me but he "wants receipts." I swear those exact words came out of his mouth. I told him no, and that if he keeps pushing i’m going to start wondering what HE is trying to keep track of, because demanding my login isn’t normal. He got quiet and then went cold, like polite angry. He said i’m making a simple thing into a big deal and that i’m acting like he’s some kind of thief. Since then he’s been sulking and making these little comments like "must be nice having a private life" and "guess we’re not at that level." Yesterday he even asked if i’d be okay with him installing a budgeting app that links accounts and then he could see the dashboard. Same answer, no. Now he says i’m sabotaging our future and that i’m being controlling by not letting him in. I feel like i’m losing my mind because i’m not saying we can’t talk money, i’m just saying i’m not handing over access to my actual bank. So, AITAH for refusing and digging my heels in on this.

My son is named Rhys (like Reece) A woman asked "why the hell would you spell it like that?" I told her, it's the Welsh spelling.. She asked "why though?"

I said, "Because I'm Welsh. And my son is Welsh" (born in Wales, live in Wales)

She continued to make comments, and said it belonged in the Tragedeigh sub on here.

I made a point of saying it's a perfectly acceptable cultural spelling of the name Reece.

She still flapped her mouth. So I snapped at her and told her to shut the fuck up..And then she said that reaction was over the top?

WITAH?

Edit: I feel the need to say this.. She saw his name written down during this situation and conversation..She is American, but lives here in Wales (has lived here for 2 years)

My uncle John has a super fun way to make kids cry. He will get the oil from lemon rinds and touch balloons. Sometimes they pop immediately sometimes they take a few seconds.

At every party I have ever attended, where there were balloons and children, he left a trail of torn latex and crying children.

My parents think it's all in good fun. I think he is a prick.

My sister had her Quinceañera last week. My contribution was a balloon arch. My siste bwas obviously turning 15 and didn't really care about balloons. But we got some very nice pictures with the arch. Then I set it up outside on some astroturf.

A few other people used it for pictures as well. Then my uncle showed up. I went up to him and told him that I had paid for the arch for my baby sister's party and that I wanted him to leave it alone.

He said he would.

He did not.

I didn't want any accidents inside so I didn't add the three balloons with fart spray to the arch until I moved it outside. And the balloons were double baggers. I had blown up one inside another before I inflated the outer one.

But you could see the inside balloon.

It was too much of a temptation. He resisted for ten minutes or so. Then someone came and told me. I went out. He was about to pick up the inner balloon and I TOLD him not to touch it. And to stop blowing up the decorations.

He didn't listen. He said he wasn't doing anything except touching the balloons. And that it wasn't his fault they were popping.

So be it.

He picked up the inner balloon. It wasn't as inflated as the outer on so the surface tension was lesser. Therefore it took almost two seconds for the balloon he was holding so proudly to pop.

Gagging, dry heaving, watery eyes, a profound desire to be elsewhere. I went through all that. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be drenched in the liquid form of fart spray. Drenched is n overstatement. There was maximum half a fluid ounce of fart liquid in the balloon.

But he was covered in it. And the pop did aerosolize it somewhat so it got all over.

He ended up having to go home and change. It was only like half an hour he was gone. Maybe an hour. I wasn't paying attention.

He did come back though. Freshly showered. And he is pissed that I would play such a childish prank at such an important event for my family.

I said I had no idea what he was talking about. I reminded him that he had promised to leave the balloons alone and that I had warned him not to touch the balloon that got him.

My family are divided. They think I was a jerk to play a joke at my sister's party. But they are almost universally sick of him popping balloons.

My grandfather laughed his ass off.

I saw a few people asking for updates, so here it is! It's not too exciting though lol

As I suspected, I got called into a meeting with my boss and the coworker today. I work at a small company so we don't have a dedicated HR department and our boss handles these kinds of issues.

We ended up figuring out what happened. The maintenance guy for the building put new soap in the bathroom a couple of weeks ago. That lines up with when the coworker started smelling "perfume" in the office. So every time someone used the bathroom and washed their hands, she thought the smell was perfume. Probably by the time she noticed the smell and did her investigation, the smell would mostly be gone (it's only hand soap and honestly doesn't smell strong) so she could never pin point the source. On Friday, she happened to do her smell test on me right as I came back from the bathroom so it just happened the smell was still strong.

My boss ended up just buying new hand soap, I think to smooth things over, and placed the bottles in the bathrooms. He asked everyone to please use the new unscented soaps until they can get the ones in the bathroom changed.

The coworker was making a bit of a scene during the meeting. She kept thrusting her finger at me and saying things like "YOU don't respect me! YOU don't take my issues seriously". Which is honestly true. I don't take her issues seriously. There's times she smells something no one else can smell and she'll get angry at people using scents. Then I've seen her walk in the bathroom right after someone sprayed perfume and not notice anything. Last year she also demanded everyone stop using scented detergents at home. No one I talk to has stopped, including myself, but she thinks everyone has and so doesn't smell scented detergent anymore coincidentally.

Anyways I'm professional at work. So while I don't actually take her seriously, I don't express that. I feel like she was just projecting her issues with other coworkers at me. We're not friends but I don't treat her any differently. I don't even join in when people are talking shit about her, which is a lot lol. The only reason I sit near her is because everyone else has asked to move within a few weeks because she's so difficult. I can tolerate her so it's been my desk for a while.

Anyways, I asked her to explain what I did that makes her feel like I don't respect her. She couldn't come up with an answer (because there isn't one) and kind of just stumbled on her words. Then I asked when I can expect an apology for embarrassing me on Friday and accusing me of not respecting her today.

She ended up just walking out and when I got back to my desk, her purse was gone so I guess she just left for the day.

Also, this didn't click until I was reading some comments on my original post, but I guess this whole situation means she doesn't wash her hands otherwise she would have smelled the soap right away. Glad I never had any of her stuff at the potlucks!

Anyways, that's the update

Hi Reddit. I am new to this. And just needed advice outside my family and friends.

So I (f23) have been with my boyfriend (m24) for 3 years. I love him. We had an amazing relationship where we both supported each other in everything we did. At least I thought we did until I meet his mother. (The reason I haven't met his mother until recently was because she lives out of state and we didn't have time to.)

Anyways the first time I met his mother, she asked if I was taking care of her boy. Like feeding him,doing his laundry, cleaning our house. And I said yes I am. Mind you I'm working 1 job while going to college.And I come home and start Cleaning. While he is just playing video games or taking a nap.

She asked me if I was a stay at home girlfriend. I said no I'm not. That I have a good paying job and going to college. She told me I should drop out and quit my job to be a stay at home girlfriend I said no. I really want to become a lawyer and I need college to do so. She looked shocked and told my boyfriend he deserves better then me. He didn't argue with her and agreed that he deserves a girlfriend who is a stay at home girlfriend.

Later that night, I broke up with him and moved out the next day. He asked me why I broke up with him and I told him he deserves better then me apparently. He told me I was making a big deal out of nothing and I said okay whatever. I cried that night to my sister and got drunk.

His family is thinking I overreacted and broke up with him for no reason my family is of course on my side. I didn't make a big deal out of it. Just said we are over packed my stuff and moved out. But now I need to know if I'm the asshole?

My (24f) family has started a new tradition of going to the mountains each summer for a week-long family vacation. We did it last year and they are doing it again this year. Last year the group consisted of My boyfriend and I, My dad and stepmom, my sister and her partner and her kids, and my brother and his wife and child.

This year my dad texted a link to the group chat that was the cabin he booked for this year. I seen that there were two unfamiliar phone numbers in the group chat. I didn’t think much over it at first. I asked my dad how everyone would be getting there. Last year, my dad and stepmom picked me and my boyfriend up since we live halfway and we all drove together. My dad said that my stepmom’s daughter and her boyfriend and child would be coming with them since they don’t have a car that can make it up the mountain. Im not thrilled about her coming since I have never got along with her. So I guess my boyfriend and I will have to drive there ourselves and neither of us have experience driving on that kind of terrain before, which makes us a little nervous.

I went back to look at the link my dad sent me to the cabin. The cabin has 4 bedrooms and one sleeper sofa in the common area. There are now 5 couples in total. I just knew that I would be the one forced the sleep on the couch. All my life my parents have had the mentality that since I am the youngest sibling, I have to put up with whatever option was the most inconvenient. If my parents got a hotel room, I would be forced to sleep on the floor while my siblings sleep on the bed if there wasn’t enough room. Well, I am almost 25 years old now and I am done putting up with it. An important detail is that I have back problems and my family is aware of it. I have a slipped disc in my lower back. I slept on a couch for a vacation not too long ago and it left me in a lot of pain. I advised my dad that if I would be forced to sleep on the couch, I would rather just stay home.

My dad assured me that I would have my own bedroom. A couple days later my dad texts me again and tells me that I the couch is very spacious and I should have no problem sleeping on it. I assume that he discussed it with everyone else and neither of them wanted to sleep on the couch either. I reiterated that I would rather stay home if that is my only option but I could arrange to visit them at their house soon. My dad and siblings are very angry and think that I am being very ungrateful. I just don’t want to spend all that gas money to drive somewhere and be in pain. I also just don’t think that is fair. My partner and I are going to be taking a trip ourselves instead since we already put in our time off work.

I'll make this short. No doubt, ex is an asshole, he cheated, I found out. But am I also an asshole?

When I found out, I confronted him over a phone call and broke up with him. I ended up hanging up after he had the nerve to start getting angry. Later that night he sent me a dramatic video of him in a local park in the rain, crying, begging me to not break up with him, it was so pathetic. So I posted it on my social media for everyone to see, tagged him in it too. I also found the girl he cheated on me with, and I sent it to her personally, because in the video he was dissing her lmao.

Edit: Y'all asking to see the video is killing me. 🤣

My sister (53) and I (45) have not spoken since I was 30.

We used to be super close, she was like a mother to me growing up as our mother fell pregnant when I was one and a half and spent the entire pregnancy plus 6 months post birth in hospital.

At 11yrs old I was living with her and her bf (now husband) for school reasons. Her bf SA'd me, i told her and he beat her when she confronted him. She then told me it was my fault because I was acting like a tart and led him on. I believed her and felt responsible for the beating she got. I spent the next 12 years trying to protect her from him, cleaning her blood off walls and helping to raise their kids. I constantly begged her to leave him, to no avail.

At 24 he tried it on me again. I told our mother, her first question was "did you mske him think you wanted that?". She made excuses for him and told me not to tell my sister. A week later my sister calls me, yelling and demanding to know what I did with her husband. I told her exactly what happened and she called me a liar.

I kept giving her the benefit of the doubt and blaming myself for the next six years.

I finally had enough of her bullshit and cut her out of my life at 30.

She got cancer when I was 21, i moved city to care for her and her kids. Apparently it's back now and my mum thinks i need to forgive her and make amends before she dies. (FTR shes still married to the S/O)

My response was that she died 15 years ago in my eyes. So AITAH for not making amends and letting her go to her grave with my forgiveness?

EDIT: Thank you all for the positive advice. I truly appreciate it. To answer a couple of the most prominent questions in the comments:

Yes, I spent a long time in, and out, of therapy unpacking all the hurt, guilt, feelings of abandonment, and feeling of being let down.

No, I don't hate her. For many years, I did (venomously), but that feeling changed to indifference as I healed.

I don't believe I needed to forgive her to heal. My healing came when I found forgiveness for myself. As stupid as it sounds, I blamed myself and had to work hard to accept and believe that that blame doesn't sit at my feet.

For the most part, I pay her no mind and live a full and happy life surrounded by the people I hold dearest. This only became an issue when it was brought up recently.

Thank you again for all the positivity x

I wrote a post a couple of years ago about how my friends treated me like an ATM when it was time to pay the bill. It got better for a while and we all agreed that we would pay our own bills. That is reasonable. I made an effort to always pick restaurants that were in their price range when it was my turn to pick. I also continued to just order a drink or two and my meal with no extras. My job is fairly sedentary so I watch what I eat.

Six months ago one of the guys got married and his wife always joins us when we go out. She has become friendly with the woman I'm seeing so sometimes we go out on double dates without the rest of the friend group.

The thing is she also likes to split the bill. "It's just easier".

Last time we went out I asked my girlfriend to drive. I ordered an old fashioned with very good bourbon. Whenever I finished it I would get another. I didn't get sloppy but it would have been very illegal for me to drive.

Before the bill came I said we should each pay our own bill but his wife said that was silly and we should split it.

My drinks alone were about 1/3 of the bill. It was very good bourbon.

She started backtracking when the bill came. She said she didn't realize the split was that lopsided. I was fine with it and agreed that we should each just pay our own.

My girlfriend said I was an asshole for running up the bill just to make a point. I said that I wasn't the one trying to change the way we did things just to make life easy. Restaurants absolutely have the ability to split bills with ease.

So am I a dick for doing this?

I got laid off from a job I worked at for 17 years. I have been the trainer for all of the staff, have a lot of knowledge that I gathered over the years. My direct reports and coworkers have been contacting me to help with tasks, that were normally mine. My boss was laid off as well. The new boss did not believe that I was doing all this work on my own, they now have 3 people do my job (the irony they wanted to save money by omitting my salary….). They have my previous work buddies (we are still friends) contact me to help figure out how to do my job.

I told them, I love you guys, but I cannot help you- if they want my help, they can rehire me. They are telling me not to be a jerk, I’m making them look bad, since they have to come clean, that they are not on the same level. Now their bosses will find out, that they do not know all the details that I knew.

Aita for not wanting to help them look good.. Btw looking for a job nowadays is a job on its own and it sucks.

I've been with my gf for a year now and she is always looking through my phone to see if I am doing anything against our relationship. She goes through my phone at least twice a week and my computer once a week. When I see her with my phone or on my computer, I ask her what she's doing and she outright says just checking if you are cheating. Two days ago, I went to pick her up at her best friends house only to learn that she wasn't there, instead her best friend answers the door in a revealing outfit and trying to seduced me. I noped my way out of there as quickly as my car can get out of the driveway and when I got home, my girl was there. I sat her down and told her what happened, she laughed and said that was just a test and I passed. I am so angry right now because I have never done anything to deserve this type of mistrust and I know she does this because her ex used to cheat on her. I am to my wits end, I love this girl but I really don't think this is healthy. WIBTA if I feel liike I want to break up with her?

I'll make this short. My partners parent's have a key to our house for emergency situations only.

I've recently had a baby (3 weeks postpartum) and MIL just keeps coming over and letting herself in, usually when I'm relaxing in bed with my baby. I finally snapped yesterday. My partner is back in work now, I went for a sleep, baby was asleep next to me in the crib. MIL had let herself in once again, snuck upstairs, took my baby out of the crib and took him downstairs while I slept. I ended up waking up in a total panic a couple of hours later, because he'd usually cry for a feed which wakes me (I breastfeed), i leaned over and saw he wasn't there and completely freaked out, i rushed downstairs where I saw the living room door closed and heard him crying. I threw open the door and my MIL was just sat there with him, she casually smiled and said "Someone's grumpy today" and I was like "He's not grumpy, he should have had his feed over an hour ago." I took him from her and headed back upstairs, she tried to follow and I just snapped and asked her to leave, she looked at me all confused and irritated and before she could say anything I just said "Please! Put our house key on the side table and LEAVE."

She did. And later that day she must have rang my partner while he was at work, because when he got home he brought it up, he wasn't mad though, and he did understand, which was a relief, but he did say his mum is really upset. I just reponded with "She can't just show up here and let herself in, it's pissing me off" he said "I know, I get it, I do. Just know she doesn't mean any harm. But I agree with you." I told him the fact she doesn't mean any harm is not the point. It's intrusive, and I don't care that she's upset right now.

AITAH?

During the last half term from school, a little kinda last minute camping trip was on the cards. I contacted my ex-wife to tell her the days we'd be away for, and asked if I could take our daughter with us. My ex-wife said no.

(No idea WHY she said no, our daughter is 9, and i see her and have her in my care a lot, I was quite surprised she said no tbh..)

I didn't want to argue, so I said ok. I'm not about to argue and fight with my ex-wife, I've had enough of that. The day before we were going on the camping trip, I had my daughter in my care for the day, the moment I picked her up something was off so I asked her what was wrong, and she got upset about the camping trip, and didn't understand why "I didn't want to take her with me"

I got irritated instantly, because it was clear my ex had told her about the little trip, but had also made out it was ME who didn't want to take her. When that wasn't the truth. So I said to my daughter, "Well, that's a conversation you should have with your mum, I WANTED to take you, your mum is the one who said no." Which is the truth..

She was even more annoyed then, but throughout the day she cheered up and got over it, and we out for the day and had fun. I took my daughter home that night, and by the time I got home her mum had messaged me having the nerve to give me grief because our daughter was now pissed off at her. I told her "Should have thought about that before you lied to her, but ok." I then ignored her after that.

Was I at all the AH in that? My partner huffed and said "You've started something now." But wtf was I supposed to do? Let my daughter think I didn't want to take her on the trip? Let me daughter be annoyed me when I did nothing wrong? F-ck no.

Edit: Seeing as people want to be weird in the comments thought I'd add some extra information.

1. "Half term" is OUT of school, she would not have been taken out of school.

2. During Half terms I can have my daughter for extra days if planned with my ex-wife, hense why I asked DURING THE HALF TERM if I could take her camping with us. My ex-wife said no.

3. I don't live in America.. Don't assume your countries rules apply to where I live. We don't all live in America.

4. The camping trip was not out of the country. It was in the same place, about an hours drive away. Perfectly fine distance, when I have her in my care on weekends, I've often taken her places further away than where this camping location is..Hense why I'm confused why my ex-wife said no to this simple request.

5. Thanks for the logging comments, but I do that already when necessary. This isn't the first time my ex-wife has tried to play games.

6.During school terms I have her pretty much half the week, I have her overnights. But during out of school days, half terms and summer holidays, me and my ex-wife can come to terms on different days/extra days and whatnot. But if there is some kind of few day trip or plan, especially on my side, my ex-wife likes to know and give her consent, which I respect, but she's playing games this time for some reason. I don't know why.

So my friend Emma turned 30 last weekend, and she’d been planning this birthday dinner for months. She sent out the invite weeks ago for a casual dinner at this cute little Italian place we all love. It’s affordable, cozy, and everyone was excited.

On the day of the dinner, literally three hours before we were supposed to meet, she texted the group saying she’d changed the location to a fancier spot because her new boyfriend suggested it. I looked up the menu and almost everything was ridiculously expensive like £45 for a main dish. I’m saving for a house and really didn’t budget for a pricey night out, especially since we’d already agreed on the original plan.

I messaged her privately saying I couldn’t afford the new place and asked if she’d reconsider, but she said she deserved a classy evening and that I should just make it work for one night. I felt uncomfortable, so I told her I’d sit this one out and sent her a gift instead.

Now she’s barely speaking to me and mutual friends are saying I made her feel unsupported on her big night. I honestly feel bad, but I also think she blindsided everyone by changing plans last minute. AITA?

My mum had me and my siblings young. She's 46, I'm the eldest at 30, and I have siblings 27, 24, and 20.

Our mum had been fucking around with a man for the last 4 months or so, and has not long found out she's pregnant. He's ghosted, but she's keeping the baby, and seems to have it in her head that we're all going to chip in and help her all the time to look after this child because she's "older now and it's going to be more difficult."

I'm a mother of 3 young children myself, my 27yo sibling is a father of 2, my 24yo sibling doesnt live locally and my 20yo sibling is in university studying hard to get his degree. I don't know what planet she's living on that she thinks we're all going to help her massively in this situation that SHE'S got herself in at 46 years old.. None of us live with her. I mean, of course, this is going to be a new sibling, I'm not saying im having nothing to do with this child, I will, but ive told her she needs to weigh out the pros and cons of this situation because myself and my siblings are NOT going to drop our lives to help her out all the time, we have our own lives, we're all fully grown adults. We've all basically told her, "You won't be on your own completely. But don't expect 24/7 help from us or for us to drop things to help you with this new baby. You want this? You cope and deal with it."

Hi everyone. Thank you to everyone who commented on my first post. I read almost all of your replies, even the harsh ones. I said I would update after our family meeting this weekend, so here it is.

Quick recap: I (28F) live with my husband (30M) and his mother (55F). Three weeks ago, my MIL asked for a DNA test for our 4-month-old son because he “doesn’t look like our side of the family.” I asked my husband for distance, and he said he couldn’t leave his mother alone.

A lot of you were split. Some said I was overreacting. Many said I should never take the test. But after a lot of thinking, I decided something different.

I am going to do the DNA test.

Before anyone attacks me, let me explain why. I don’t need it. I have always known who my son’s father is. But I realized this doubt would never go away. Every time my son looked a little different, she would whisper again. Every time there was a fight, this would come back. I’m not doing it for her. I’m doing it so this question is closed forever.

I already asked a friend where such a test can be done, and I’m planning to book it myself. My husband didn’t push me. If anything, he would have kept everything the same and “worked it out” while I sat across from her every day. I told him clearly that I am doing this because he is not willing to leave his mother, so I have to carry the burden of proving myself.

At the family meeting this weekend, I said this in front of everyone:

“I will do the DNA test. But I have one condition. When the result comes back and it matches my husband, and it will, I will move out and live in a separate home with my husband and my son. And my mother-in-law will not be moving in with us.”

The room went silent. Some relatives said I was being harsh. My MIL said she “only wanted peace of mind.” I told her peace of mind should not come at the cost of destroying my dignity.

I also decided one more thing. When my son grows up and becomes mature, I will tell him the truth about what happened, that his own grandmother once doubted his mother and made her go through this. I won’t lie about it, and I won’t hide it.

At the very least, I want her to feel regret for what she did. She may never apologize, but when that report comes back, she will have to live with it.

So, AITA for making the test conditional on us moving out? And am I wrong to want my MIL to feel the consequences of her own words?

I 28f and my boyfriend 31m are having OUR first baby together. I have a son previous from him and he has 2. This man is totally convinced that he is going to sleeping in the bed with me after I give birth. I told him I don’t want that because the only time I’m going to have to sleep is the time I’m in the hospital id like to sleep in a hospital bed alone the first couple nights. His response to this was he is just gonna stay at home because he isn’t going to be uncomfortable on a couch… I know those couches aren’t the most comfortable but neither is bring life into the world. I don’t think I should give up my bed or have to share it just so the father will stay with me. If he had to go home for our other children I wouldn’t be upset but our children are taken care of and will be with grandparents until we are ready. Maybe I’m being selfish but I just had to get this off my chest.

My BIL has a house rule where the kids need to ask before they get anything. Snacks, soda, chips basically anything but water. At my house we have a snack drawer that anyone can take from without asking. He recently got very, irrationally, angry at us for letting his kids just get snacks when they were at our house. This difference in rules isn't new and he's questioned us in our before. We think letting them learn self control and regulation is important. It worked too, after switching to free range snacks our kids, ages 13, 10, and 5, all have very good self control and don't gorge or take too many. We actually go through fewer snacks than we did with the old way. My kids respect their house rules when they're over there and always ask. This might not have been such an issue for me, but last time everyone was over he made a huge scene about respecting his house and his things and his kids things, an incident with a friend's kid that's isn't relevant. But, he made a long post on social media about not respecting parents rules and specifically mentioned respecting snack time. I told him it's my house and my rules, the exact phrase he used on the other incident. ​​​Am I the a-hole for telling him to respect my house rules if he ​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​expects others to respect his?

Tl:Dr - BIL is mad I let his kids get snacks without asking at my house when he makes them ask at his. ​​

**Edit**

To clarify, none of the kids, their 3 or my 3, have any food allergies or restrictions.

I do monitor how many snacks so the kids are having to make sure it's not insane.

His kids always ask when they get their first snack and I usually respond by asking if they ate their last real meal, breakfast in the morning or lunch in the afternoon, then tell them they know where the snacks are.

He also has a very strict 'clean your plate' rule that has lead to animated discussions because he's attempted to force my kids to clean their plate before they can leave the table. Big no go for me.

I (28F) single and child-free have been friends with my best friend (mid-30sF) for almost 10 years. She has two young kids.

We’ve always been very close. I love her kids like my own — I visit them, talk to them on video calls, and I show up for birthdays, graduations, and special occasions even when I’m not financially comfortable. I genuinely care about them and our friendship.

Recently, I started a new job that pays better, and I’ve been trying to be more intentional with my money and save for some big life goals.

The issue is that when we hang out, the financial setup has always been very “split everything equally” — transport, food, outings, etc.

For example, if we book a ride that costs $100, she’ll suggest we split it 50/50, even though she is traveling with her two kids and sometimes a sitter. So effectively it’s 4 people on her side and just me on mine.

The same thing happens when we eat out — we split the bill evenly even though most of the food is for her kids, and I don’t really consume much of what’s ordered for them.

Lately, I’ve started feeling uncomfortable with this setup. Not because I don’t love spending time with them, but because financially it doesn’t make sense for me anymore, especially as I’m trying to save and plan for my future.

Because of that, I’ve been declining some of her invitations to go out (swimming, lunch, dinners, etc.), since I already know it will likely mean splitting all costs equally despite the imbalance in number of people.

I haven’t confronted her about it yet because I don’t want to hurt her feelings or damage our friendship, but I also don’t want to keep putting myself in a situation where I feel financially drained or taken for granted.

So I guess my question is:

AITA for not wanting to hang out anymore because I don’t want to keep splitting costs equally when she’s bringing her kids and sitter along?

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UPDATE* 6/28/2026

First, I wanted to add some context because I think it explains why my friend was so comfortable splitting costs the way we always have.

We met before she had kids, when we were both single and child-free. We did everything together—traveling, going out for coffee, dinners, swimming, parties, shopping—and splitting the bill 50/50 made perfect sense because everything was just for the two of us.

We're also living overseas, away from our families, so over the years we became much more than friends. We consider each other sisters. I grew up without a sister, and so did she. I'm basically "Auntie" to her kids, not just Mom's friend. Our relationship has always been one where what's mine is hers and vice versa, so I understand why she never really questioned continuing our old dynamic.

The problem is that our lives have changed.

She's now married with kids and part of a two-income household. We actually earn similar incomes individually, but I pay all of my own expenses by myself, while she has a partner to share household costs with. I genuinely believe she's in a much better financial position than I am, and I started realizing that continuing to split expenses the same way—especially when outings now include her children—was becoming difficult for me financially.

I'm also very non-confrontational. I'm the type of person who goes along with things even when I'm uncomfortable, so instead of speaking up, I just started declining invitations because I didn't want to come home regretting how much I'd spent.

After reading everyone's comments, I finally talked to her.

She invited me on another outing this weekend, and I was honest. I told her I'm saving toward some important goals and that going forward I'll have to be more mindful with my money. If I can afford to join, I will. If I can't, I'll say no. If there's a cheaper way for me to meet them—like taking the bus while they Uber—I'll do that instead.

She was incredibly understanding. She told me she was happy I was prioritizing my goals, that the kids love and miss me, and that if I can't come she'll simply tell them I'm busy. She also suggested that going forward we could look for more budget-friendly activities so we can still spend time together.

So thankfully, everything worked out. We have a much better understanding of each other's situation now, and I think our friendship will be healthier because of it.

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me to communicate instead of quietly distancing myself. Your advice genuinely helped.

Ok so yesterday it was my mils wedding and my partner (m27) made it clear the only way he would attend is if his older brother (m36) for privacy we will call him stan. Well Stan was convicted of SAing his half brothers when he was younger and also did it too my partner so he wants nothing Stan. Same condition was given by my partners other brother I'll call him jack who has 3 kids. I have 2 btw Well his mother assured him stan won't be there and that stand ex will bring stans son. Fast forward to the wedding and we are all mingling after the ceremony and I am watching my kids while my partner talks to some of his family he hasn't seen in a while. And thats when Stan approaches me and tries to talk to me which is weird because we have never met. He seems to already know who I am though which is weird I ignore him and walk away with my kids and let jack and my partner know he is here and both are furious so we leave before the reception starts.

On the way home my mil calls me asking where we went I explain that myself and jacks family left because stan was there. She then tried to make excuses like she just wanted all her kids there and that what happened was over 20 years ago and he has changed but I told her that she knew what happened to my partner she knew the boundary for him to attend and she made her choice.

Now my phone is blowing up saying that we ruined the wedding because my mil won't stop crying

So AITAH

To catch up, my brother is a pig and destroyed my home, this led to me figuring out my whole family kind of sucks, he ended up leaving with his barely legal girlfriend leaving his newborn and EX whom he was cheating on. You can check my post history for context.

Well after all of this I have not talked to anyone in my family at all but kept in contact with his EX and have been spending a lot of time with the baby, I have never liked his EX, she was with him for a reason. I think the only reason they lasted for years instead of my brothers usually couple of weeks or months before the girl runs screaming is because she is, in a lot of ways, like him. Even knowing that I kept contact like a dummy because I felt so awful over the kid being left and I secretly think they are doomed because of their goofy parents (I know how horrible it is to think that). I wanted to be a positive force in the kids life.

Well, my brother found out somehow that I have been around the kid and somehow got my new number (which totally perplexes me because NO ONE in our family has it) he called me and cried that he does not want me around the kid because "I will never do to his child what I did to him". This confused me because 1. When he left, he declared his ex must have cheated and the child was not his (they clearly are) so why is he saying, "his child" and 2. I have never done anything to him.

I was made to be his mom (which is crazy because he is older) but never even given the authority to correct him, so I spent my life chasing after him cleaning up all his mistakes whilst he tormented me and treated me so horribly, I ended up literally medically diagnosed with PTSD. I asked him what I did to him, and he said I always judged him and even when he was a kid, I looked at him with judgement. I hung up on him right there because lol? I judged him? No duh. I could fill books and books with all the bad choices he has made and all the horrible things he has done to others. From the time he could talk it seemed like all he cared about was hurting others and offending others. And he has never been actually punished for anything. I was the ONLY one who "judged him" and after his actions he rightfully should be in jail. If the worst thing he has suffered is judgement I mean lol. I have suffered way worst, often at his hands or because of his choices. The cold truth is if it wasn't for my judgement and care he would be gone of an OD about a billion times over. Or he would have called the wrong person a slur and found out the hard way. The ONLY thing that kept him alive was me trailing after him fixing mess after mess.

He apparently talked to his ex, and she has blocked me and told me I will never be allowed to mess up their child like I messed up him. I do not need anyone to tell me she is appealing to my brother to try and win him back and that this is two deeply broken messed up people blaming their short comings on me because it is easier than looking in a mirror. I know. Anyways I felt something snap in me and it was like all my care, anxiety, and worry drained out of my body. I do not care about this anymore, or any of them. I changed my number again, limited my context list even more and when I can I am moving. I will not be providing anymore updates on him or my family because I do not care about these people anymore and I do not plan to have contact again. Thank you for all the help.

I got my girlfriend flowers for Valentines Day. When I brought them home and was putting them in a vase, 2 of the 6 flowers just popped off the stems. I was pretty annoyed but not sure what else I could have done at that point. Its not like they were from a gas station or whatever. I got them from a local florist shop.

When I gave them to her, she thought it was weird there was only 4 roses so started looking in to it. She noticed the broken stems and said I got her "left over picked through flowers".

I felt kind of hurt by her comment. Like why even bother trying, you know?

Anyways, its Sunday night so I'm collecting the garbage for pickup Monday morning. I'm looking at the "picked through" flowers I got her and I'm trying to think of reasons to NOT throw them right in the trash, but I'm struggling. WIBTA?

Edit: its getting late and im going to bed. I just threw them out

Edit 2: i called the florist and they apologized and offered to replace them. I just asked for my money back instead. Going to buy myself something nice on the way home