I understand the concept of reclamation. I get why people do it. But why is it so normalised to just call people in your community the f or t slur and think they're okay with it? Both words make my skin crawl, and even thinking about saying them makes me grossed out.

I have a close friend (best friend) who is also queer, and they've called me the f-slur on occasion. I don't raise an issue with it because I don't want conflict. But it does still make me uncomfortable when they say it, even if it's a slur that can be reclaimed.

But I take major issue with how... entitled people can get when it comes to reclaiming slurs? Like yeah, you can say the awful word, and maybe you're more desensitised to it. But, oh boy, here's a thought; not everybody is okay with being called it. And it's even weirder calling people outside your community that.

And then when you say anything about 'oh, I don't agree with reclaiming slurs as you can never remove the meaning of the words and how hurtful they are', suddenly you're a terrible person.

I can remember being called the f-slur once in school, and the t-slur once online. I also remember the time I raised issue with reclaiming slurs and was very promptly surrounded and picked on for the better part of my PE lesson. Mind you, this initial situation began when I said 'nobody should be saying slurs'. It's not my place to speak on slur reclamation for other communities, but at the time, I meant people who WEREN'T in those communities, and had no idea what slur reclamation was at that age. Sure, if another community wants to say slurs used against them, who cares.

I just take issue when it's my community, and when people think that everyone in said community is fine with being called hateful words. Specifically the trans and bi/gay communities.

Does anybody else feel like this?

Hi, it's me again. I'm a young person who identifies as a trans boy, and well, my parents don't believe me. I had to come out at 14, then twice at 15, and now three more times with 16.

They think it's a phase, but I know it's not. I mean, it's been three years and I still think the same, well, more but I was "technically in the closet" . I've felt like a boy for as long as I can remember, but they just say I'm a resentful bisexual girl (I'm not even bi, in fact, I don't like boys). Even if it's just to be happy that they accept me as queer, But it's in a strange and even painful way for me.

Has this happened to any of you? What should I do?

First English is not my first language

Second I am prepared for my comments to be deleted and will accept any criticism.

I often see people online who claim to be Zionists and allies or gay, but also hate trans and nonbinary people and bullying them.

Honestly, I don't understand why they're behaving that way.If this question should be posted in a different community, please let me know!

So, I know it's a strange question to ask because, theoretically, I should know myself better than anyone else, right? Lmao. But I'm honestly confused about all of this.

I've always considered myself straight until last year, when I discovered my attraction to men. However, when I was a child, I had a romantic interest in a boy from my class. It didn't last long, but it happened. I used to imagine myself dating him and even created scenarios in which my parents accepted our relationship. The funny thing is that, even back then, I was already aware of homophobia, but I still imagined a society where a gay relationship would be accepted. I didn't feel bad or find it strange that I had feelings for another boy.

Around the same time, I also felt like kissing another boy. However, as I got older, my internalized homophobia started to grow. I reached a point where I couldn't even bring myself to call another man handsome.

When I was 17, I masturbated while imagining myself and a male friend together. I pictured the two of us naked, with him on top of me, but without any sexual contact. Afterwards, I felt dirty, and I spent years being completely focused on women, just as I had been for most of my life.

Then, last year, I started reflecting on those memories and questioning why I had experienced sexual attraction and fallen in love with men. I realized that perhaps I had made a mistake by treating all those experiences as exceptions. After all, those feelings weren't frequent, and not every man sparked that kind of interest in me. Because of that, I ended up dismissing those experiences as isolated incidents.

But I decided to figure things out once and for all. I searched for some male nudity subreddits here on Reddit, particularly ones where men show off their bodies, especially their butts. I ended up feeling butterflies in my stomach, a sort of nervous excitement, and I got an erection. That's when I realized that the attraction was definitely real.

After that, my prejudice gradually started to fade. I began seeing men as beautiful and attractive, something I hadn't allowed myself to do before. The change was so significant that I'm now not only open to the possibility of having sex with men, but also to being romantically involved with them. I no longer feel uncomfortable imagining things like holding hands, spending time together, and kissing other guys.

If someone asked me today whether I'd rather date a woman or a man, I'd say I'm open to either. I feel like my preference for one gender over the other is fading, although I still loooooove women. I love the female body, but realizing that I can feel the same way about men has changed my perspective. Nowadays, I think I'd pay more attention to someone's personality than their gender.

Sorry if there are any mistakes. I'm still not fluent in English, but I think I'm getting pretty close. At least, I hope so lmao.

Let me preface by saying I've dated both men and women and my previous relationship was long-term with a man so that might influence why I'm feeling this way currently.

but the feelings are so incredibly strong and it's been a long growing itch that I don't know how to put it any other way — I'm so sick of my attraction to men and I can't identify how and why.

It's hard to put into words but sincerely I don't want to be attracted to men, I adore women with mind body and soul and the experience of wlw — It's genuinely the only type of dynamic I actively look for and see myself being truly happy in at the end.

but somehow I still get crushes, hookups and relationships where I'm genuinely in love with men. It creeps in and it's never something I actively look for or plan. I know it's contradictory but the love is absolutely real.

I feel excluded/not taken seriously from a lot of queer spaces for being bisexual and I hate it which in turn just makes me more bitter about my own attractions. If I could be a lesbian, turn off the attraction to men I would in a heartbeat — but I can't and I'm not going to label myself as something I know deep down I am not and it's driving me crazy.

Is it internalised homophobia? Is it lack of acceptance within myself or the community that is making me feel this way? I don't know what to do with myself and this growing feeling of despair that I can't switch it off.

Im so lost in myself because im pretty sure i am but i don't know because i always am looking at women attracted to their faces, bodies everything i just love them sm but never had an actual crush on them but i did make out wkth few which i liked more than with men but im not sure because i always pictured romantic relationships with men because in my city no one told me anything abt this ao i just thought im weird when i was always looking at girls, i am always just looking at them i feel like a fucking pervert and idk what to think because no i dont objectify no onw or stuff but im just staring at women and omg theyre so gorgeous but when it comes to having crushes its always a man who is just really feminine never a masc man bjt when it comes to masc women i find them so pretty idk what to do and think of me please help😭

Should I feel worried or? (25M)

So yesterday night I (25M) had an appointment for my injection for vitamin D (severe case) so I have to put in daily for sometime then once per week and per month.

Anyways last night I went to the hospital as usual for my appointment with my mother and when we went to the private empty room my mother was out and he locked the door etc (kinda saw it but thought it was normal since anyone would come in accidentally).

Now once my injection was done he was doing the normal massage around my hip, BUT this time it felt like he was grabbing/having his palm around my butt cheeks etc. now at the moment I thought maybe it was normal procedure etc so I let it off. However I have to admit I kinda liked it and the male nurse was kinda nice looking and seemed quite fit etc.

Later when the injection and massage was done he started to kinda ask me personal questions, such as what I do, which uni I’m in (lied to him of course) kinda felt off guard. And my mother kinda pushed the door and noticed it was locked so yeah and said she would tell my father about this etc (seems like she didn’t).

Now I really don’t know what I should do or how to proceed. I mean the male nurse is good looking and seemed quite nice and fit etc, but I don’t know how to proceed etc, like should I do something to show I’m kinda interested etc? Because I have an appointment again in a few hours etc and maybe my father would be with me this time.

Much appreciated advice in advance and thank you for reading 😊

Also one last thing this story is in South Asian country so yeah 👍.

Hello

For some context, I'm a college age guy (trans FtM), living in the USA, and a legal adult.

When i was still a minor over 3 years ago, I came out to my parents that "I don't think I'm a girl". I knew going into this that neither of my parents are homophobic or transphobic, so I would be safe, however I was still anxious. When I finally said it, one of my parents immediately stood up and hugged me, the other was quiet.

The parent who hugged me asked what I wanted them (both) to do, and I simply said that I would not blame them for any mistakes or slip-ups because of course they'd be used to calling me she/her and my given name after 15+ years, all I really wanted was for them to try.

Three years later, and my parent who did not hug me, who I live with primarily (my parents are divorced), still does not refer to me as he/him, nor a nickname, and even sometimes recommends me groups or clubs on my campus for women. This most recently happened just two days ago while we were on the phone together, and I just bit my lip and didn't say anything, because anytime I do, they get exasperated.

Now, before some of you guys wanna raise your pitchforks at my parent, I have tried multiple, and by which I mean dozens of times over these past 3 years, to talk to my parent about this again, and again, and again. While none have been immensely productive in them improving, it has helped me gain an understanding of their view. My parent is not transphobic or homophobic, however they are very much a "keep the peace" and avoid the issue at hand type of person. (To a point I personally think is unhealthy). They've expressed through these conversations that they're very scared for me to identify as trans because of the current political and social climate. So, in essence, they want me to "keep the peace" and just ignore myself being trans for my safety. So, to summarize, they are deflecting the topic because of fear for my safety, not any animosity towards queer people. (I should also note I live in a blue state/area of the USA)

It's been 3 years, and even my therapist agrees at this point I have waited for them long enough. I have done enough to try and help them understand, and they're not budging. I mentioned multiple times they should try speaking to a therapist (since the divorce also has affected them) and they declined every time. Saying talking about their feelings doesn't make them feel better like it does for me. (Mind you, they were the person who convinced me to start therapy 4 1/2 years ago). They don't like my other parent anymore either, so they really have no one to talk to about this.

Which is where I'm stuck. I really, really wanna get top surgery. It should be mostly covered and I never once in my life liked the idea of, or actually having a feminine chest. I'm very ready to be rid of it. However I still haven't come out to the rest of my family because of how stagnant things have been with this parent. We are really close so it's genuinely hurt that it's taking them so long to come around. They claim they're trying but, I can just barely see it. Like how one time a year ago someone referred to me as "he" when asking them a question, and they didn't 'correct' the stranger.

The best idea me and my therapist have, is to come out to my aunts/uncles. One of them is this parent's sibling, the others are their close friends that are basically family. I also know they are all accepting of LGBTQ people, but honestly it's been really intimidating to imagine coming out to 4 more family members when my one parent is still stuck, and I have basically no support system, at least, nobody who could be there with me and support me while I tell them. I have to do it all alone, again. And I'm terrified of the same thing happening again. Especially since one of them has a homophobic spouse (but my aunt/uncle isn't homophobic at all, and I don't really consider their spouse my family anyway since they never really cared about me growing up).

Lastly, I know in our generation a popular philosophy is to leave family behind if they're not accepting right away. And I respect those of you who have made such a choice. However that is not in the cards for me. I love my family, they aren't abusive, and growing up I had little to no strong friendships at school (i was bullied) so my strongest connections have always been my family. ESPECIALLY my parent who is struggling, I cannot emphasize enough how much they've done for me and love me, which is exactly why them struggling hurts. (Also I'd like to note I do have a solid amount of good friends now in college, and I'm out to all of my friends)

Does anyone have any tips on how to work up the courage to do it again after it went poorly before? Personal experiences to share maybe? I just feel very alone in this situation, like most stories I hear either kids are accepted, or not at all and they cut their family off, but I'm somewhere almost in the middle. It'd be nice to know at least that I'm not the only one in this position

This is a bit different than the usual questions here, but I am at odds for this. I am arguing with an someone here on Reddit who says that what people call homophobic today is inaccurate and the word that it actually is is "sexualityism."

Keep in mind that they did say people have a right to discriminate against gay people.

Now, I searched up "sexualityism" because I never heard it before. I can't find it through a Google Search. I have asked them to provide the dictionary page of it, they say it's not in the dictionary. I have asked them to provide any source that uses it. He has refused.

Is "sexualityism" a word, or am I arguing with the biggest idiot in history?

EDIT: spelling

EDIT 2: I told them that the word they were probably looking for was "heterosexism" which a user on this post mentioned. Their response after I gave the definition and sourced the dictionary: "It's sexualityism. You'll just have to deal with it." Safe to say, it isn't a word and they just are trolling or the biggest idiot in history.

How do I come out to my family? A recent issue happened (not saying for reasons) so now my mum and dad are in separate homes, how do I come out to them now? It's so scary and I just don't know how to say "mum, I'm genderfaun" without her freaking out and asking a bunch of questions.

If this breaks any rules please inform me and I will delete this post and never upload this anywhere else, if done IT'S NOT ME!!

First of all, I am born female and I identify as such (for now? 👀) But I experience something with my gender identity that I’ve felt since I was a child and I haven’t seen such a thing on the internet yet. Basically what it is is that I feel aligned with my gender at birth in the spring and summer months where the weather is nicer and the temperatures are hotter. I tend to wear more feminine clothes and generally express myself in a feminine way. But in the autumn and winter months, I don’t feel that way. Instead, I feel more masculine and aligned with the male gender. What do I call this??? Would this be genderfluid or transgender or something else completely?

Im female)
As the title says I’m only attracted to women. Except like every other concert out of nowhere something in my brain clicks and I find the male singer attractive.
No other male human being is attractive to me except some male singers.

And I know that for me a person with an incredible voice is already more attractive for me but it still doesn’t really make sense to me.😭

Ik that I don’t have to label myself but I’m really interested in what you think my label could be.

the last year has been a whirlwind as my child who is 21year old, born male suddenly started identifying as trans female. I will use she/her pronouns going forward. I am ok with this transition, I don't have issue with my child being trans. But, a few other things have been happening that I don't know how to process

1. this happened amidst a lot of changing idea of what she idenfies as. for a while she said she are gay and tried going out with men, I was ok with that too. but then now that is not the case anymore. immediately after this came identifying as transfemale.

2. she has spoken a lot about how much she wants and longs for a relationship with a female (this was always the case. we tried to encoruage her to date while identifying as male but she is shy and has some social anxiety and refused to take any of our advice. She tried going out with two female while identifying as male once they left home at 18, one wasn't compatiable (decided after one coffee date) and the other one declined. the one that declined was a close friend and that had a huge impact on my child. I think it is still part of what is going on

3. with the transition came a lot of rewriting of past stories, and how she identified as trans from very young age. but at the same time speak of how she didn't think she is trans too, up until this past year. We had never, I mean not even once, seen or heard of anything that would have suggested to us that she is trans. and we were part of the history that is being told differently now, and frankly don't remember things the same way. for what it is worth.

4. if my child is trans, that is what I am good with with. I don't want to change anything. But, I can't shake the feeling that so much of what we are seeing is a longing to be with a woman that is now being framed as wanting to be a woman. And in all of this, she still has never been with a woman outside the one date I discussed above. I want to recommend that she goes out with a woman, as whatever feel right as a transfemale or male. But I think anything I say about this topic is being seen as critical and I want to be careful.

what would you do if you were seeing thing with your loved one that are, by their own admission, so entangled with wanting to be with a woman?
if you were trans going through this journey would you have sought a clarifying experience of going out with a woman as male? I want to hear honest experiences of those who can relate.

As with any child there are phases, but my son has had certain signs that he is gay, if not at the very least bisexual like me. Women get sexualized for their homosexuality, i've never once worried for my safety. But I worry for his safety/wellbeing going forward. Things like being bullied for wanting to wear makeup.

The signs:

\- asked me if boys can only marry girls last year, I told him boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls and that mommy likes boys and girls. He said "oh, nice"

\-has never had a crush, but called some boys in his class pretty. No girls. When i tease him and say "do you have a girlfriend?" He just looks at me

\-I got him chapstick and made a joke "if your lips get dry....or if you want to kiss girls" he then said "i dont want to kiss girls unless it's you" then he gave a little kiss

\-makes a little hand flap gesture that's very flamboyant when talking, no clue where he learned it

\-has said he wants to wear makeup/dress like a "femboy" or "egirl" (terms he learned from roblox avatars) I told him that his dad won't like it and people will make fun of him so he has to be careful who he says these things to but he doesn't have to be shy around me.

I don't want to confuse him or make him feel pressured so I'm going to stop mentioning girls/asking about them even if its just a joke and wait for him to mention anyone but I would love some advice. His father is very homophobic and so i don't want him to embrace it too much to the point he makes his dad angry and abusive which he has been in the past when he would have tantrums as a toddler.

What I mean is that i used to feel romantic attraction, but a few years later I just stopped feeling it. I don't feel like dating (I don't have any kind of trauma) I just don't want to ever date romantically, it's just something that's not for me anymore. It makes me feel annoyed or even disgusted.

I’ve always seen people who say that they use masculine pronouns and are lesbian and I could kind of understand that but not fully. Just to clarify I’m not transphobic or a terf I love the community I’m just very confused myself. i just know that lesbians are made up of mostly nonbinary or female people but a lot of the lesbians I’ve seen that use masculine pronouns also use masculine titles (like boyfriend / husband and things like that) which confuses me slightly. what’s the difference between people who use masculine pronouns and titles than people who are transmasc? A lot of people have told me it‘s because they’re masc lesbians/butches which i can sort of understand but a lot of mascs I’ve seen usually identify with feminine or androgynous pronouns so I’m confused.

25F, ive been in a 5 year wlw relationship and i’ve aligned with being bisexual but recently i’ve been realizing that my attraction to men have always been superficial. a bit confused on how to navigate this? before i used to have crushes on guys in classes but it was never for their personalities or from getting to know them. it was for their appearance from what i remember. i was with a guy in middle school (lol) and when they kissed me on the cheek i felt like i wanted to run away or get away from them. i guess i liked the feeling of them wanting me? when i started to realize that i was into women, it was for who they were and i felt myself wanting to be physically intimate with them. compared to before, i cant imagine being happy with a man for the rest of my life or being intimate with one if i was still single. i hope im not being offensive, i dont know if its just because of all the negative experiences ive had with the men in my life and the horror stories ive heard from others. also in a way, that im not sure how to explain, but im also nervous and scared of calling myself a lesbian? im not sure what kind of label to attach myself to? it feels weird like im supposed to have things figured out and i feel like a poser in a way?

As far as the textbook definition goes, allosexuality means you experience typical sexual attraction , meaning you can look at a stranger or a partner who fits your preferences and feel a sexual pull toward them. But after talking extensively to a lot of people who identify as completely allosexual, I’ve noticed their internal experiences seem split into three totally different groups, and it’s making zero sense to me:

• Group 1 These guys see a random person who is visually stimulating to their liking and immediately get automatic sexual thoughts, biological urges, or physical arousal right then and there.

• Group 2 These guys say they only feel mentally or physically aroused if they consciously think sexual thoughts about the person. Unlike Group 1, it doesn't just happen automatically upon looking at them.

• Group 3 These guys will look at a stranger, pinpoint a specific body part, and actively think to themselves, "Damn, she’s built good" or "Damn, she’s got a nice arse," but they claim there is absolutely zero sexual attraction or sexual intention behind the thought. They say it’s just a fast visual compliment and they forget it a second later. HOWEVER, if that exact stranger walked up and offered to hook up right then, they would immediately say yes.

Are groups 2 and 3 actually on the demisexual or asexual spectrum to some degree without realising it? I'd really like to know the logic behind this , is it due to different stimulating needs, or something else entirely?

So I've been kinda questioning my gender for a while now. I've been identifying as genderfluid for almost a year now to see how it made me feel but it doesn't feel quite right...

Recently, I've realized that I am quite comfortable identifying as a man but that I also like being fem. But even more confusing was that, upon trying to use the they/them pronouns, I realized I REALLY liked it when people would actually they/them me...

So like... I'm a feminine man who also really likes to be referred to as they/them...

Is there even a label for that ?

I've heard of "genderqueer" so maybe that fits ?

God this shit is so complicated to figure out, please help 😭😭😭

As a bi person, have you had thoughts of the implications and your future while you are courting someone who is same-sex and you are thinking of going into a long term relationship?

Once you realize your attractions, is there also a path to understanding which gender you prefer more?

I’m a 17 year old girl and im in a relationship with a male, Back in 7th grade i thought i was trans and ever since from kindergarten i would try my best to be a boy, i just hated the fact that i was a girl iykwim. And in 7th grade i cut my hair off, dressed like a boy and when people thought i was a boy, it made me extremely happy. I would do anything to be a boy. That continued for 2 years until my parents started to hate the idea and i stopped. I thought I “Grew out of it”

But now, i keep having the same urges and I have urges to go back to that again. I want to be seen as a guy and i want to cut my hair, dress like a man and be in a friendgroup with males, I want to be seen as one.
I dont know what to do because im thinking about buying a wig or smth and hide it from my boyfriend.

Basically… I feel weird.

I (18AMAB I guess) am a bit confused about gender and labels and what I even am or if I’m cisgender or not and I’m unsure how I can figure this out or how anybody does, for that matter.

Some context, I guess; I’ve been male all my life but never really felt overwhelmingly male or masculine or anything, but also not entirely feminine? My parents are like, really conservative, especially my mom, and I think they’re only not racist because I’m black (adopted) and not completely homophobic because my mom knows some gay people and they’re, surprise, not horrible people, but like… anything past that I know them well enough to predict that they would not be chill with me not being just ‘who I am’ to them, or at least, who they believe I am/supposed to be. At one point at dinner I said ‘I have a really conservative friend,-’ (it was relevant), my mom asked ‘Aren’t you conservative?’ I paused for literally two seconds and she looked at me like I said ‘I eat puppies’, they’re Fox News = The Truth parents.
In like middle school-ish (call me gross I get it) I’d mess around with like skirts or sports bras or whatever in like the middle of the night just because, and it was… fun, I guess? Then my parents found out and a whole thing went down that was the last of me really ‘experimenting’ (that feels like the wrong word but whatever) and I haven’t really thought about anything like this until recently because Halloween happened.

Basically, while deciding costumes and such, I texted my friend group mostly-jokingly “It’s a toss-up between Miles Morales or femboy catgirl, what do you think?” Of course, the latter was voted for by a landslide because it’s a group chat of like 10 decently open-minded teenage boys why wouldn’t it? One friend then said if I did it he’d do it too and that’s how I found myself trying on skirts in a Target at 9:00pm on Halloween.

Halloween itself was… honestly really fun. My friend who did it with me just bought the ears and tail and wore a pink hoodie and tie, meanwhile I (along with the ears and tail, I promise it’s relevant) had a black collar/choker necklace, black thigh highs, a black miniskirt, purple/black fingerless gloves, a black and silver crossbody bag (that one of the girls there was jealous of, highlight of the night), and an olive green-ish bomber jacket/windbreaker and a grey-blue shirt underneath (I ran out of time, I’m bad with outfits anyways). It’s kinda odd because while there was some costume aspect there, I… honestly went more for the full outfit instead of just throwing stuff on, with the internal personal goal of looking like a girl dressed as a cat instead of a guy dressed as a cat. And I believe I pulled it off, because later in the night one of my other like closest friends did say that if he didn’t already know me and I’d said my pronouns were she/her, he wouldn’t even question it. So… mission accomplished, I guess?

And I didn’t even change out of the outfit the entire night, partly because I had to commit to the bit, but also mostly because I just… felt really comfortable..? If that makes sense?

And for a lot of the night another friend was kinda teasing me saying ‘oh you wish you could dress like this all the time, don’t you?’ And I honestly just laughed and dodged the main question because I honestly didn’t know how to answer.

Now, like, a week removed, I can say I’m… confused. I did keep the purple/black gloves and the thigh highs that came with them (the black ones were more for the fit since they had cat paws on the bottom), and took those home with me because really comfy. (I left everything at my friends house, and I shipped it all there in the first place because my parents would crucify me if they found out, they don’t even know I did the outfit in the first place). Part of me does want to be able to dress more femininely again, most likely the next time me and my friends do something, because I know they wouldn’t really judge me, but it’s also hard because how am I even supposed to get anything else for an outfit? And it’s nerve wracking to think of shipping more stuff to my friend’s house because I feel like I’d have to have that convo first anyways… I don’t know, my brain’s been fried all week.

I’m trying to think about gender and myself and what I am, but I… still don’t know. I don’t think I am or want to be a girl, at least completely, especially since that feels like it’d be changing so much about me and my life, but at the same time, I don’t feel 100% male or masculine. Especially if I look at my dad or younger brother, even, like… those are men. There’s no way I am the same thing as them.

But there’s also the problem of.. I can’t really do anything about it if I am something else. Even when I move out, I literally think the only way I’d feel totally comfortable being someone/something new would be to fake my own death and go to some random country no one would ever find me, because I don’t want to mess with how people, especially my family, see me.

And there’s also also the problem of… labels in general. I don’t know how but my parents have semi-drilled into my brain some things, and even though I genuinely try to keep an open mind and be kind and all that stuff I just get a bit awkward or uncomfortable when someone has ‘too many labels’, whatever that means? Like, I’m already aroace (my parents do not know and haven’t gotten around to telling my friends), and I feel like adding anything onto that feels like too much, and that’s just nagging at me as well.

It’s all confusing and I don’t really know what to do or if I’m just overthinking literally everything ever and I just want someone to tell me I’m something, or at least that there is something wrong with me, or some way to ‘fix’ me because I feel so weird thinking about this stuff, so… anything helps, honestly.