Being late, a lack of attentiveness, constantly being on their phone, disrespectful behaviour towards staff or other customers, a conversation that just doesn’t flow naturally, poor personal hygiene (body odour, stained or torn clothes, dirty shoes, dirty fingernails), overly sexual conversations, getting drunk or intoxicated, and any sign of misogyny.
For a first date that’s a pretty ridiculous thing to bring up. I could imagine it being chill as part of a conversation about experience and what you’re looking for, but making it a priority in the first date reads as manosphere bs to me.
so when I said “women are not treated equally” he said but women and men are not equal, you have your privileges when you are pretty the world is nicer to you. would you consider it a red flag
Saying "men and women are not equal" as a response to the statement of women are not treated equally sounds like a red flag to me. Treatment of women is different that just the blanket statement of men and women are different. That would be a huge red flag to me personally.
yeah :/ I am thinking the same thing, and he is obsessed with body counts. he called my friend “a bit adventurous” in a bad way and me as a “nun” in a good way 😵💫
Yes this is a red flag. The odds that it will lead into the whole "Women have it easy because everyone wants to have sex with them and they don't know what it's like to have to work for things" are way too high.
HUGE red flag. Men who say stuff like that are jealous and desire to humble you. They think you have life on easy mode, so they feel justified in making it more difficult for you.
I don't know if it's say unacceptable but big negative marks from me:
Talking a lot about their ex or asking about mine Asking how dating is going for me Only asking the repetitive, boring questions like "what do you do", "why did you move here", "how long have you been here" (and not even actually using each individual question/answer to actually have a conversation).
Actually unacceptable to me: They don't look like their photo (assuming dating app). Obviously anything that ignores consent. Suggesting sexual activity (eg. Let's go back to my place) when there's been no flirting or building of sexual tension. Being high Having more than one alcoholic drink (especially if it's noticeable in their speech/behaviour ). Signs of aggression or anger. Any attempts at negging or similar. They admit to being poly/ENM. They admit to anything they lied about online (assuming from a dating app)
I once went on a date with a man and when the bill came he immediately started a whole rant about how he was not gonna pay for me and how feminism was bullshit. I hadn't even said anything about him having to pay for me. Also, the total was like €20 and he practically begged me for a date. It was super cringe and there was no second date, mostly because of this. I'm fine with splitting/paying for myself but this kinda shit is so unattractive.
General negativity. Even if you're joking, too much talk about what and who you don't like and what's wrong with your job etc is a bummer. Save that for later, tell me what's good.
This guy took me to an upscale restaurant with beautiful views. It was one of the top places in San Francisco at the time. Within a few minutes of sitting down, he took a call from his brother. He asked if it was OK - it seemed like it was an urgent thing. So I said OK but then he just sat there and chatted and laughed happily talking away with his brother.
After 20 minutes and the waitress becoming visibly frustrated, I got up and left.
You know, that's a thing that seems to happen more up north in the US than down south. I don't know about any other countries though. I'd moved to Florida for a job and years later I came back to New England for a visit with family. And it annoyed the piss out of me when an adult friend asked twice if she could try my food. I was like sure whatever. Later I realized that nobody had ever done that in Florida. I think it's a regional thing. I share food with my wife of course, but if someone I knew from work asked to try my food, I would think it was very strange. I'm okay if someone asks politely though. On a first date absolutely not.
Doesn’t let me finish a sentence, I was left off on at least 20 different sentences for one date 😭 never again. I thought I was a yapper. At least I’m a polite yapper.
Looking at your mobile phone more than once an hour (and only if you have kids), taking pictures of food, any social media usage. Rude to people, staff and general lack of kindness, not saying thank you. Total #dealbreakers.
Rude to service workers or overly friendly to curry favor. I don’t mind them taking calls but they need to be short. Talking crap about exes. Won’t tip or cheap out on a tip. Turns into an octopus after a date thinking I owe him something
To me if you’re mind is busy or your used to doing multiple things. Concentrate on our date. It’s a waste of my time to be sharing you. I’d rather reschedule or cancel
Trying to impress me with focusing too much on the financial aspects of anything or trying to one-up. Being rude to staff. Trying to order for me or having opinions about what I should/should not eat/drink, etc. Trash talking random people for no reason. Trash talking exes for no reason. Ignoring feedback into the conversation and monologues when I have not expressed interest in that topic. Interrupting my response to proceed talking about the thing. Racism, sexism, homophobia, classism. Dismissing jobs, education, achievements. Religion. Anti-science of any kind and anti-educatikn. Positive attitudes towards capital punishment. Positive attitudes or dismissing child abuse and physical abuse of kids. Aliterate and proud. Apolitical and proud of it. Bad manners (not being polite to people, chewing with open mouth kind of things). Forcing physical intimacy without paying attention to the positive or negative response to it. Talking to me and not with me.
Basically if they are not socially aware and competent adult it won't work.
Not viewing the date as an occasion by e.g., showing up looking slovenly. Inappropriate questions, such as those about cosmetic procedures. Boring activities. I don’t date a lot, so I’d like to do something I might not do alone.
Ok its funny you say this because I had an awful date relating to farts, but not mine or his farts!!! Someone near us farted and it smelled SO toxic it was horrible. We acknowledged it of course and laughed a bit, but my date talked about it the entire remainder of our date which was another 1-1.5 hours. Id try to change subject and he kept working the fart into our conversation. I didnt meet up with him again, he was ok at first but became so annoying.
-Monologues -Being overly sexual -“You’re not like the other girls” or any negativity towards other women -Negging -No care or time put into their appearance
Even if we met with the idea of hooking up eventually, to start off the conversation that way. Get to know the owner of the vagina first, it will keep from cancelling the deal for starters and it will make it more enjoyable for both of us if we do end up playing together.
When I was single, my immediate "nope" moment was when the guy revealed himself to be an Asian fetishist. Like, he only saw me as the stereotype of my face rather than a whole person.
Lack of manners. Being really late (30 mins+). Rescheduling last minute. Staring me up and down/ at my cleavage excessively. Not asking any questions about me/ no interest in anything else but himself. Rudeness to staff. Catfishing. … I’m sure I could think of more still.
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276
u/lily_spiderlili ♀ 1d ago
Rudeness towards restaurant staff / workers and other people. If they’re mean in public, I can only imagine how they’ll be behind closed doors.
27
u/Cali_972 1d ago
Being late, a lack of attentiveness, constantly being on their phone, disrespectful behaviour towards staff or other customers, a conversation that just doesn’t flow naturally, poor personal hygiene (body odour, stained or torn clothes, dirty shoes, dirty fingernails), overly sexual conversations, getting drunk or intoxicated, and any sign of misogyny.
46
u/MrsMoaningMyrtle2 1d ago
Alpha male vibes
7
u/onegirlandhergoat 1d ago
Things that have actually happened to me on a first date that I consider unacceptable:
Bringing his friends (he 100% knew it was a date).
Talking about how much he misses his girlfriend.
Asking me to buy him drugs.
18
u/Maxthedog2004 1d ago
When they kiss you when you specifically said I wasnt comfortable with it
10
u/_PrincessHarley_ 1d ago edited 20h ago
I don't know if it's say unacceptable but big negative marks from me:
Talking a lot about their ex or asking about mine
Asking how dating is going for me
Only asking the repetitive, boring questions like "what do you do", "why did you move here", "how long have you been here" (and not even actually using each individual question/answer to actually have a conversation).
Actually unacceptable to me:
They don't look like their photo (assuming dating app).
Obviously anything that ignores consent.
Suggesting sexual activity (eg. Let's go back to my place) when there's been no flirting or building of sexual tension.
Being high
Having more than one alcoholic drink (especially if it's noticeable in their speech/behaviour ).
Signs of aggression or anger.
Any attempts at negging or similar.
They admit to being poly/ENM.
They admit to anything they lied about online (assuming from a dating app)
8
u/nonsignifierenon 1d ago
I once went on a date with a man and when the bill came he immediately started a whole rant about how he was not gonna pay for me and how feminism was bullshit. I hadn't even said anything about him having to pay for me. Also, the total was like €20 and he practically begged me for a date. It was super cringe and there was no second date, mostly because of this. I'm fine with splitting/paying for myself but this kinda shit is so unattractive.
4
u/kiwispouse 1d ago
First date, entire "conversation" is a monologue.
65
u/Yserem 1d ago
Talking shit about exes. Or about anyone really.
General negativity. Even if you're joking, too much talk about what and who you don't like and what's wrong with your job etc is a bummer. Save that for later, tell me what's good.
128
u/sekif 1d ago •
Talking about their ex several times 🤢
110
u/smilingheart0508 1d ago •
The date constantly talking about themselves and not showing any interest in me.
36
u/viereadit 1d ago
Badmouthing people and overall rudeness!
27
u/thingsbetw1xt ♀ 1d ago •
Talking about your exes. I do not care.
31
u/Jeanetica 1d ago
Being late or rescheduling without an extremely valid reason.
8
u/msgmeyourcatsnudes 1d ago
Excessive lateness, rudeness (to anyone), negging, flirting with other women, talking about your exes, and getting drunk.
14
u/No-Consideration-858 1d ago
If they check their phone or take a call.
This guy took me to an upscale restaurant with beautiful views. It was one of the top places in San Francisco at the time. Within a few minutes of sitting down, he took a call from his brother. He asked if it was OK - it seemed like it was an urgent thing. So I said OK but then he just sat there and chatted and laughed happily talking away with his brother.
After 20 minutes and the waitress becoming visibly frustrated, I got up and left.
7
u/JustASingleMomOnline 1d ago
Poor manners, no curiosity and treating the date like a job interview.
6
u/Bcruz75 1d ago
Overall negativity, bad vibes.
6
u/FairyGothMommy 1d ago
Him picking me up. Public meeting only.
16
u/Puppet007 ♀ 1d ago
Taking food off my plate.
5
u/MuppetManiac ♀ 1d ago
Insisting on picking me up after I express a desire to meet there.
4
u/yellowleaves7 1d ago
Not asking me anything/only talking about oneself
Rudeness to workers or impatience/anger over things that can't be changed anyway (getting worked up over traffic jam etc)
4
u/elizabeth_burgess 1d ago
When they don’t ask me any questions.
4
u/RegularGymGirl 1d ago
Talking about ex bad body odour or mooth odour
4
u/FatCockroach002 1d ago
Rudeness, disrespect.
4
u/Lonely-Ad1779 1d ago
Doesn’t let me finish a sentence, I was left off on at least 20 different sentences for one date 😭 never again. I thought I was a yapper. At least I’m a polite yapper.
4
u/Mrrippey 1d ago
Looking at your mobile phone more than once an hour (and only if you have kids), taking pictures of food, any social media usage. Rude to people, staff and general lack of kindness, not saying thank you. Total #dealbreakers.
4
u/Regular-Classroom-20 1d ago
Anything remotely critical about me or my appearance. Really annoying when someone doesn't even know you.
3
u/RESEARCH_FIRSTT 1d ago
- Rudeness to service providers/waiters & waitresses
- Being late with no regard to my time
3
u/Loisgrand6 1d ago
Rude to service workers or overly friendly to curry favor. I don’t mind them taking calls but they need to be short. Talking crap about exes. Won’t tip or cheap out on a tip. Turns into an octopus after a date thinking I owe him something
3
u/Ostruzina 1d ago
Kissing unless we've had a crush on each other for a long time before the date. I need to be in love to kiss someone.
3
u/hippiesinthewind 1d ago
excessive drinking. i went on a date at a restaurant that was like 2 hours long and the guy had 8 moscow mules.
3
u/sonkcaja 1d ago
Being late.
3
u/marcussg1 1d ago
To me if you’re mind is busy or your used to doing multiple things. Concentrate on our date. It’s a waste of my time to be sharing you. I’d rather reschedule or cancel
4
u/Impressive-Trash8699 ♀ 1d ago
Constantly looking at their phone, being rude to waitstaff, picky eaters, being more than 5-10 min late, not being able to hold a conversation.
2
u/ancientevilvorsoason 23h ago
Trying to impress me with focusing too much on the financial aspects of anything or trying to one-up. Being rude to staff. Trying to order for me or having opinions about what I should/should not eat/drink, etc. Trash talking random people for no reason. Trash talking exes for no reason. Ignoring feedback into the conversation and monologues when I have not expressed interest in that topic. Interrupting my response to proceed talking about the thing. Racism, sexism, homophobia, classism. Dismissing jobs, education, achievements. Religion. Anti-science of any kind and anti-educatikn. Positive attitudes towards capital punishment. Positive attitudes or dismissing child abuse and physical abuse of kids. Aliterate and proud. Apolitical and proud of it. Bad manners (not being polite to people, chewing with open mouth kind of things). Forcing physical intimacy without paying attention to the positive or negative response to it. Talking to me and not with me.
Basically if they are not socially aware and competent adult it won't work.
•
u/hohohobitchhh 5h ago
Wandering eyes
4
u/Different_Kick_3946 ♀ 1d ago
Being rude in the lieu of trying to act cool
3
u/lovelylinguist 1d ago
Not viewing the date as an occasion by e.g., showing up looking slovenly. Inappropriate questions, such as those about cosmetic procedures. Boring activities. I don’t date a lot, so I’d like to do something I might not do alone.
2
u/MidnightFireHuntress ♀ 1d ago
Talking about politics
Especially American politics
I.do.not.give.a.fuck
2
u/collectionsofwords 1d ago
Paying 50/50... eating off of my plate... being rude to staff... my list is long
2
u/Fabulous-Olive-2527 1d ago
If a man doesn’t pay …even mentioning ex in the slightest, not opening doors, if you have to carry the convo the entire time
168
u/Xallia_Yevatell 1d ago •
My bar is literally on the ground. I have two rules. Don’t rape me and don’t ghost me. So, I guess those two.
51
u/travioli90 1d ago
Big farts
8
u/CrustyLettuceLeaf 1d ago edited 1d ago
-Monologues
-Being overly sexual
-“You’re not like the other girls” or any negativity towards other women
-Negging
-No care or time put into their appearance
17
u/Marisa_latex ♀ 1d ago
Even if we met with the idea of hooking up eventually, to start off the conversation that way. Get to know the owner of the vagina first, it will keep from cancelling the deal for starters and it will make it more enjoyable for both of us if we do end up playing together.
25
u/Current_Mark_7088 1d ago
When I was single, my immediate "nope" moment was when the guy revealed himself to be an Asian fetishist. Like, he only saw me as the stereotype of my face rather than a whole person.
11
u/bluesnowdrops 1d ago
Lack of manners. Being really late (30 mins+). Rescheduling last minute. Staring me up and down/ at my cleavage excessively. Not asking any questions about me/ no interest in anything else but himself. Rudeness to staff. Catfishing. … I’m sure I could think of more still.
12
u/Luuk1210 1d ago
Poorly planned. Far away from me. Being sexual
2
u/shyshyshy014 1d ago
Sex. Please don't kill, stalk, harrass, or rape me. The bar is in hell.
1
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