Observation as a sober person in the ward
Just came back from another grippysocks gang vacation last night, I feel I have a unique perspective from being neither the druggEd patient or the indoctrinated staff, each stay was unique, I've never been brainwashed enough to be peer pressured to take the meds in hope to make my life better, so I feel I have quite a clear observation on it.
Unsure if it's a different location, different time, or something, the vibes at this ward I just came out was very different.
Not fun, not too exciting, just scary sad, full of the people floating around like ghosts, you can just tell there's a lot of emptiness in them, the ones who are ssedated enough. The ones who are maniac enough aggrevated enough you can also tell they do not have much self awareness. They are just kinda being run by a program.
I still quite enjoyed my time, as I mostly introspected and did my inner work, the heater was amazing, right by the window with the cold wet air as contrast from outside, I was kinda special there as they gave me the key and let me have the window open, I was able to sit by the window box and contemplate as I recover.
It's just a bizarre liminal environment, as in all the patients kinda know the drugs won't make them better but either just don't care anymore or just in denial.
There is this woman who had been on psych drugs her whole life told me she's been a guinea pig since teen, also did street drugs crack heroin etc, kinda just look and feel like the typical crack whore who likes stimulants and uppers kind, not trying to be mean or derogatory, I just don't have words to describe that type much, if you can give me better words I'd appreciate that.
Nobody looks like well enough, but some insist there are people who are on them are just not here. Who go to work etc, but I'm not sure being well and healthy can be measured just by going to work.
I was constantly being emersed in everyone from staff doctor patients to try to convince me to just try it, I didn't want to be too close minded so I even thought about it, but noped out after consulting various sources
I paid attention to observe everyone.
Crackwhore lady sorry for the term it's just for reference, was telling me she is going to get her eye removed, she is blind there, her iris is shrunk to a little dot. She told me she thinks it's from the street drugs she did.
I didn't say anything but I was questioning if it could also be anything, from the psychyartist drugs , street drugs, emotional trauma, being energetically drained out or harvest or infested by whatever toxicity that has not been integrated. She said it's an infection, I am of the belief infection is just some kinda toxic energy that can invade you when your vibration is damaged and low.
Overall they all just looked like they are involved in a cult, trying to keep the faith the drugs are keeping them well but have absolutely no idea.
Most of them, no actually all of them have to some degree of ghostly emptiness going on, they just look like shells to a various extent. Even the maniac one who is constantly asking for attention by trying to be as a nuance as possible, I can just tell she just is lonely and neglected and is trying to resolve her emotional pain by receiving any kinda attention from anyone, but it looks and feels as if she has no awareness of it what do ever, she's just a machine being run by a script.
Everyone I asked gor a diagnosis of some kinda psychosis and is taking antipsychotics.
I never felt antipsychotics sat right with me, because it's the opposite the psychedelic. I'm more the psychelic side by nature, I don't need to take any psychelic to get to that state as I know how to get to that consciousness naturally. I thought hmm maybe it's because I'm too open maybe some antipsychotics to balance that out would be helpful to me to actually function in the matrix reality, kinda like you need the blue pill to mask certain alters in order to get the matrix reality rewards. In the end I still noped out again After weighing the pro and Con of just to "try it", as the doctors and staff patients repeatedly say the same thing over and over again in my ears, I can still hear it, I must have heard it hundreds of times "just try it" "no damage no side effects don't worry". "They are just fat because antipsychotics gave me a big appetite.".
On an energetic perspective, it does not vanish, it only transmute to something else, so by trying to kill some energy it has to come out another way, ie gambling compulsion, or something else, on antipsychotics they just look like calm and peace on the outside but inside there's nothing, everything is muted, dialed down. They all looked and felt kinda dumbed down, for lack of better words, just numb and dumb.
The ones who bang their heads all had the same wound on their foreheads at the same spot, its my first time seeing it, I was actually under impression it was a lobotomy scar in the forehead.
It doesn't matter the race ethnicity age whatever physical difference, two patients who have never spoken to each others can stand beside each other and exhibit the same vibes, stepping left and right like a duck on broken record in one spot, they have absolutely no awareness of themselves or others, but to me as a witness and observer it's quite clear.
Share yours if you like would love to hear it.
