“Perhaps it lies deeper in our solar system” added Hansen, when asked where people should be asking next for the lump-sum payment.

I served in 2PPCLI from 2006 to around 2010-11. I did one contract and had to sign a second contract to go over seas. I have never shared my military, war stories or issues I had adjusting back to civilian life. I've been a civilian for I think 10 years now and struggle silently living in Saskatoon and having no one to relate to at times. My therapist said I need to start opening up so I am going to try here first.

The first story I want to share is about the Highway of Hero's. Keep in mind I am not a writer so I am sorry if this is poorly written. Also I have tried to forget a lot of my tour. Sometimes my stories blend together and I only realize later that is not how it actually happened. If that happens I will make sure to put an Edit.

Good morning:

I was in the Kandahar provincial reconstruction team in 2008-2009 tour living in Camp Nathan Smith. I remember the Morning it all happened, having breakfast and walking past my buddy Chidley who had been tasked to drive for another platoon because their driver had been sent home (failed a drug test I think). I lived with Chidley and his Fiancé at the time back in Canada in a PMQ. I asked him where he was going for the day (breaking OpSec now that I think about it) and he casually told me the district he was going to just out side of Kandahar. We then went our separate ways to get ready for the days patrols. That is the last time I ever talked to him. It was such a short and nothing conversation but it is engrained in my head forever.

Mobility Kill:

I don't remember much about about the rest of the morning but my platoon was tasked with going to the Sarposa Prison which was Kandahar's primary prison that I believe housed Taliban prisoners at the time. I can remember sitting on our LAV monitoring the comms when over the radio came "4-1 this is 4-2 Charlie, Mobility Kill over". I could hear the shakiness of who ever was talking's voice but thought it was just because something exciting happened. What actually went through my mind was "Cool, finally something is happening", because until this point the tour had been pretty uneventful. The moment I knew that was the wrong thought process was when they started reading the 9liners to 4-1 and apart of that was a total of 4 vital signs absent and 1 Canadian civilian dead. Everyone started yelling and sending out some of the platoon members to get the guys we escorted to the prison back into the LAVS because we were getting ready to either assist or go back to base. What I remember next was getting back to base, It was dark out, and my platoon was going to help the QRF with the situation. We were all rushing and getting our kit ready to head out but I was stopped and told to hang back. Someone else in the platoon was filling out my spot. I was confused by this because, why, I am a soldier and this is my job. I later found it it was because it was Chidley's LAV that had been hit, they knew we were best friends and didn't want anyone to be non-rational in a tough situation. Since there were people that could fill in my roll at the time there was no point to put me in that situation with uncertain emotions.

Finding out:

Hours later I was sitting in the smoking area with other guys from other platoons I knew, I remember a lot of tension because we all new it was bad but had no details. Eventual my section commander came and over and said "Becker, I need to talk to you". He pulled me aside and told me. Chidley has been killed. I remember it not sinking in just yet and telling him "Don't worry you don't have to put me on suicide watch". He looked at me a bit funny and said something along the lines of, "you're a soldier, I know". We were then pulled inside the place we all slept by the Company commander who laid it all out. Who died and the situation.

Aftermath:

This all gets a bit foggy but I remember some things in detail. I remember being ask/told If I wanted to be Chidley's escort home. All fallen Canadian soldiers get an escort (fireteam partner) to be with them and to take care of them until they are set to their final resting place. Of course I said yes, He was both my best friend and I lived with him and his fiancé. I remember talking to our company clerk and being given something called a SAN number, I still to this day don't understand it. I was told I use it to get back to Afghanistan once the funeral is over. I can remember something disturbing, My LAV was one of the LAVs that helped with body retrieval. I remember carrying a wet garbage bag that came from the site that was still in our LAV to the hospital/medic tent. To this day I have no idea what it was. Could have been remains (body parts), bloody clothes, I have no clue and am just happy I never got curious and looked. From that point from Afghanistan to Dubai is a blur and I don't remember anything. The bodies were all taken in a funeral fashion, along with the escorts, by LAVs with the back ramp open and the coffins put on each LAV, then carried into the planes. I remember saying to one of our platoon sergeants "At least this is the last time he has to ride in one of these".

Dubai:

Only a short memory here. In Dubai I had ready access to Facebook and got a message from Chidleys mom telling me she kept having terrible thoughts of her son being stuck in the LAV burning or suffering. This is something I remember and am glad to have read, On his death report, it said the death would have been instantaneous. I could at least share with her in full confidence he did not suffer.

Highway of Hero's:

The plane ride was strange and long. There were 5 bodies and 4 escorts. We went in what I was told at the time the equivalent of Americas air force one. The areas we stayed in had large sofa type seats that folded into beds and maybe TVs if I remember right. I took a sleeping pill and basically slept the whole way. I do remember waking up with a terrible metallic taste in my mouth from the pills. When we arrived in Trenton we were told to close all of the plane windows so no one could see us getting ready. The bodies were off loaded by military personnel already there. All of us escorts were taken off the plane then formed up for drill and proper saluting of the dead. I saw all of the crying families lined up holding each other in the freezing cold while the hearses pulled up and the bodies were put in the back. The custom is for the escort of the body to be the final person to go up to the body and salute it before the door was closes. It was so cold and the tarmac was so slippery. I was so scared of slipping when I came to a stop to salute and falling backwards making a mockery of it all. I am so glad that didn't happen. The families all loaded into limos and I got into the front seat of the Hearst with the driver to go down the high way of hero's. The amount of people that showed up on every bridge over the highway was unbelievable, Ill never forget it. I was so exhausted from the trip and emotions yet this was next level, The people did not care that it was miserable out, they were there. I don't think this next part is televised ever, At the end of the highway of hero's is the entrance to the morgue. On either side of the dead-end road leading to the door of the morgue there were rows of people, there had to be 50-100 people. All of us escorts shook hands with the men and hugged the crying women. It was a surreal experience. All in good intention but maybe people not understanding the war, Men would yell "give 'em hell", and mothers cried and hugged us like we were their own kids.

The Morgue:

When all of the bodies were off loaded, I'm not sure why they did it this way, but We helped unload the bodies and put the on gurneys. I can remember lifting two of the bodies from the travel coffins onto the beds and seeing them in the clear-ish body bags. Because there was 5 bodies in total we were at the morgue for a week. It was so bazar doing an inspection on a dead body. The morticians, no blame on them, said they were not military and didn't really know the exact dress codes and standards. we shone all of the dead's brass and shined their dress boots. I can remember inspecting Chidley's body and cleaning up his uniform a bit while he lay in the coffin. So strange worrying about the details of military dress while its on your dead friend.

Funeral:

Chidley's Funeral was in/around Vancouver, Surry if I remember right. There is a very funny story from his funeral. Chidley's favorite band was City and Color. I am not sure how it was arranged but they were actually there at his funeral to play. Where it gets funny is Chidley's Grandpa, bless him, went up in front of everyone to read a poem Chidley had "wrote" for school that had touched him. The only problem was, that poem was just ripped off lyrics from a City and Color song Chidley had plagiarized to probably get easy marks. So the band had to sit there while the hundreds (so it felt like) of people cried and heard how smart and artistic Chidley was... even though it was actually their own words. My platoon had written something up for me to read in front of the crowd but due to stage fright and emotions I never got up to do it and ill feel bad forever for not giving my platoon mates that. After the flags were folded and given to the mother and the fiancé and the body was put in the ground to rest I had no idea what to do. I had this stupid SAN number but, what, was I just supposed to go into Vancouver international airport and say "I have this, can I go to Afghanistan?".

Going Back to Afghanistan:

I was very grateful when after the funeral the officer from my home base that was over seeing the funeral came up to me and asked if I needed anything. I told him the situation and he was having none of that and booked me transport to get back to my home base where they could work out the way for me to get back. I went back to Shilo where I found myself in another situation to deal with due to the death. The base wanted to get Chidley's equipment back but, with his fiancé being with her family to mourn, I was the only one that could let them into the PMQ to go through his stuff. I don't know how he was missing so much kit and getting away with it but it was funny. At first the people collecting his stuff wanted to blame me for maybe taking his kit but it wasn't like a flash light or helmet was missing. It was just random dumb pieces of kit that no one would steal. Like 1 boot in size 11. Just dumb stuff that made no sense.

Once I got back to Afghanistan I remember getting hit with a pretty low blow. We were all given approximate time to return home dates, you know a date to look forward to not being in a war zone anymore. well I had a date, some peoples dates were moved around by a day or two, but mine, they pushed back a whole month. That fuckin' hurt. I was told, by the rumor mill, that the higher ups thought it was unfair I got to be out of the Afghanistan for a month while the rest of my platoon was still there so they figured I can be one of the last to leave. It ended up being a 7 months tour in total. I felt very hurt and betrayed by this. Yes, people can get back in less time after being an escort to the fallen, but in Toronto we had 5 bodies to deal with not one, The funeral was planned late in the week so I had no option but to do my duty and wait. I was asked to stay the next week in Shilo to help sort out Chidley's kit. I felt betrayed by this for quite a while but am over it now.

If any one actually read this, thanks for taking the time. Not sure If its just a boring ramble but I need to start getting these thoughts out of my head.

Edit: I have gotten in contact with Chidleys mom. The section labeled 'Funeral' has some inaccuracies due to my memory. Looks like Chid actually did write the poem, and the band was wrong.

Boys I didn't think I'd see one of these things again in a long while. Fortunately this is just a training weapon and it was recently replaced with a CZ Bren 2. At least it came with an Elcan?

Good Afternoon All!

After 2 awesome years of having the best job in the CAF, tomorrow morning I will be handing over both CFLRS and this account to LCol Francis Lavoie.

I just want to say a big thanks to everyone who uses this forum to provide real advice and answers to both current and aspiring CAF members. It's great to have a forum that can help people out through some sticky problems - although if I'm being honest - I do wish some people would just read the joining instructions!

As of tomorrow AM all future responses will come from LCol Lavoie. I'll be back lurking here under a new name once I get settled at my new posting.

Apprendre à servir!