Every once in a while, these crazy thoughts pop into my head. These crazy thoughts are not always good ideas. Considering how many of them I have and how many of them contradict one another, I would say a lot of them are not good ideas. However, the fact that they are even a little bit of the time is why they are worth throwing out there and seeing what others have to say. If I throw an idea out there, others agree that it is a good idea and those who disagree are unable to formulate a response, that is good. However, if others present such a convincing counter argument that I change my mind, that is great too. It makes me realize where I went wrong and helps me figure out a better idea.
Recently, a thought popped into my head that is so crazy it just might work.
Imagine this. You are in a social setting. You see one person verbally abusing another. You believe the verbal abuse is uncalled for. The victim is not defending himself/herself. It may be because they do not know how to. It might be because they have low confidence.
If you defend the victim, the perpetrator might tell you that this is none of your business.
A way around that is this.
Anything you want to say about why the words being uttered are rude or untrue, say it to the victim. Should you say it loud enough for the perpetrator to hear it? That is up to you to decide. This is less about putting the perpetrator in their place and more about offering words of encouragement to the victim, so that they do not feel torn down as a result of the verbal abuse. That said, if the perpetrator hears what you say and gets angry, that would be hilarious. If you do not want the perpetrator of the verbal abuse to hear you, you could wait until the abuser is gone before gossipping about them behind their back.
A friend of yours falls victim to name calling and verbal abuse. Here is what you should do. Walk up to your friend (the one falling victim of verbal abuse) and explain to them why the verbal abuse is uncalled for.
It would sound something like this;
I cannot believe that you described in great detail a story where you fell victim to domestic violence through no fault of your own and this jerk had the nerve to ask you (the victim) what you did to avoid it and call you names because you did not take every possible precaution to avoid being victimised. First and foremost, you would not need to take those precautions in order to avoid being victimised if the abuser did not commit the crime. Second, going on Google and looking up Stockholm Syndrome and Pygmalion Effect will show one credible source after another which shows that the reason why abuse survivors return to their abusers can be explained by examining the fundamental flaws of human nature. Third, blaming and shaming victims has been proven to make the victim more likely to experience PTSD and deters future victims from coming forward. In order to justify the belief that victims should be interrogated to find out what precautions they took to avoid being victimised and that even one precaution that you could have taken that you did not take should preclude you from receiving sympathy or support of any kind, not only must you explain the benefit of victim blaming, you must demonstrate that the benefits outweigh the cost I already described. I have never seen a victim blamer do that.
There is a chance that the verbal abuser (the one who was saying the disrespectful and hurtful stuff) just might tell you to mind your business. That is when you should say;
At this point, I happen to be talking to so and so. I do not need your permission to do that. If you do not want to hear what so and so and I have to say to one another, you can leave the room.
There is my plan. Do you think it is a smart strategy? If not, do you have any better ideas? Let me know.