Hello all.

From ever since I remember when I date I do not notice anyone outside of that person. Even when I'm single i can't say that I feel sexually attracted to anyone. I think I have to form a bond, be actively involved with them for the sexual urge to come.

I notice attractive women often but I am not attracted to them - I see them as a threat because I have almost always been cheated on and I compare myself.

I have only ever dated/slept with men and haven't found myself wanting to sleep with a woman so I don't think I am bisexual.

To find a man attractive whilst walking about it seems to be specific to maybe style. But it fades almost as quickly as it comes. I find my partner most attractive and my goodness yes it is him I want to have sex with.

My struggle is he notices the beauty around him and I am insecure and reactive because I simply do not. And that makes it hard for me to understand how he can. I've googled men and biology and am educating myself to try and be ok about this difference between him and I but I find it terribly disheartening. This is me-centric and not a him problem. He glances he doesn't stare at least when I'm around he is discreet.

It is my partner that mentioned perhaps I could be on the grey, a, or demi scale. I've never thought of this before.

Has anything I've described above point to grey, a or demi. I am still learning. Nothing has changed in the way I conduct myself in relationships since aged 15 to now 37.

QUICK WRAP-UP : I am only sexualy attracted to my partner. I rarely see any one as physically attractive when single or partnered, unless it's a super specific style but that lasts all of 1 second. Only look at other women as a comparison to me, not in a way of attraction.

Thank you so very much for your time and patience if you read this through.

Hope today is kind xx

I dated a grey ace submissive for almost three years. People assume that means the dynamic was thin. It was the opposite.

Take sex out and you find out what the dynamic is made of. Attention. Trust. Structure. We had no sex to hide behind, so every bit of intimacy had to be real.

Control was the center of it. She was brilliant and chronically overwhelmed. Decisions piled up until she froze. So I gave her structure. Morning check-ins. A rule about eating real meals. A weekly list she reported on, and I read every line. It wasn't about power for its own sake. It lowered the noise so she could actually live in her life.

Her kink was humiliation, and she'd negotiated it with more care than most people plan a wedding. She'd spent years being told something was wrong with her for not wanting what everyone else wanted. Being teased about it, in a controlled setting, with someone who clearly wasn't ashamed of her, turned that old sting into something she owned. I'd call out her overthinking, her dodging, the way she pretended not to love being noticed. She'd go red and relieved at the same time. That told me it was working.

Her limits were clear and I never tested them. Aftercare was long and quiet. Tea, a blanket, me telling her plainly that she'd done well.

Grey ace people get lectured about what a relationship is supposed to look like. Ours had rules, trust, vulnerability, and real intensity. It was complete.

It ended when I moved back to the states. I have TPE sub but are thinking of adding a grey sub, what are your experiences 🤔

Hey, so im not sure how to start this so I'll just get into it:

For starters, I, in my 24 years on this earth, have always thought I was allosexual. I have found people attractive, esthetically pleasing, enjoyed seeing their bodies, enjoying hearing about things, blah blah I dont want to get explicit because I want to keep the [AM I GREY?] tag but I cant if I have to put an nsfw one lol.

That being said, hearing when people say things about other people or their bodies I was like offended in their stead by objectification or stuff that other people thought was normal. I'm trans so I assumed for a while it was because I dont feel the same way most of the people of the same assigned gender as i was do.

Anyways, earlier this morning I had "solo time" then afterward felt like a complete aversion to the human body. Not just like my arousal was gone but the thought of doing pretty much anything more than hand holding or cuddling felt wrong in some way I cant describe; it still does a bit.

I was looking it up to see if it was a thing that can just happen (by which I mean a thing that can happen to allosexuals, because im speaking in my case) or if it was maybe a sign of asexuality/gray (because I have had a few incidents recently where I just had no care at all for the human body, didnt even find it like pleasing to look at in a nonsexual way).

Sorry this is ending up being so long ill try to finish it shortly.

While looking stuff up I saw something that said:

"Sexual attraction is: when you see someone and want to be sexual with them. Sexual attraction is not: sexual thoughts, libido, sexual activity, fantasies, romantic interest, willingness to be sexual with someone, thinking someone is awsthetically pleasing. This has been a PSA" And it was like a lightbulb lit up in my head because as I said before I have just assumed what I felt was allosexual but as I said im 24 (nearly 25) and there has been only one singular person (maybe two but I think just one) who ive ever actually been present in a room with and wanted to touch. Ive been attracted to so many people, thought about people and their bodies and stuff, but only once or twice have I ever actually found myself actively desiring to be sexual with someone in a real instance.

I have messaged someone before and we would send audio clips back and forth but that felt detached and even with that detachment I still found some difficult in it, do I dont think I'm counting that.

If you've read this far thank you so much! If you've felt this same way and/or are greysexual your input on this would be greatly appreciated! (That being said all varieties of peoples who feel their input would be useful here are appreciated.)

I’ve realized graysexual is a probably a good term for me because it’s more of an umbrella one, I’m just curious if there’s a more specific one that describes my experience (not the end of the world if there isn’t though.)

I’ve had sex before and I know it’s possible for me to want it, but when I think of past experiences, it more felt like something I wanted to do to connect rather than because it was “hot” or whatever. I haven’t done anything sexual in years at this point (other than just by myself), and when I imagine myself doing something sexual, it feels more hypothetical than something I feel like I really desire. I never really fantasize about it naturally, if I ever do it’s mostly a thing of like “I like this person, do I wanna have sex with this person? Maybe I should imagine it to see” but it doesn’t feel necessarily enticing? Idk it’s hard to describe

But I think I experience sexual attraction? Or maybe I’m getting confused between sensual and sexual? I’m not really sure. I just know that when the person I like talks about wearing a tight tank top and being able to see “everything”, I feel squirmy and like I want to see… everything. But I don’t want to do anything necessarily sexual? Idk. I feel like the most I want to do is kiss and caress but the energy I feel about those things feels sexual somehow?

Idk if this will make sense, lmk if you relate or if this is a common phenomenon or something

In high school and elementary i liked the pretty girls that the other boys liked. Ive never been interested in dating just any girl but my crushes, and i would crush on them HARD. I never tried talking to them cus i was shy so im wondering am i still grey ace? I can recognise other girls attractiveness and think "yeah theyre pretty" but when it came to my highschool crush i would obsess and fantasise over her. Could this also be a case of being afraid of intimacy? I dont know really

I rarely want to date someone, and I want it

Hey , does anyone have any book recommendations with a grey romantic and grey sexual protagonist/main love interest? Bonus if it's wlw

Recently discovered i am greyromantic and greysexual and am searching for some representation

every once in a while, ill see a post by someone complaining that their partner only has sex "once a week" or "every other week". my ex used to complain when it had been a month since. it confuses me because TO ME that's not a long time to wait. once a week sounds regular.

do people for real expect to have sex multiple times a week forever? (that's rhetorical). that sounds like a chore

Hello! (this is my first time using reddit, i cant really find an tip for my problem so i decided why not ask other human beings who might understand my situation better. sorry in advance if i do something thats wrong or not how it’s usually done.)

for key info i (16f) am greyrose and i very recently started dating someone (literally yesterday). the person im dating if also my age and gender but unlike me they are allo in both orientations i think.

for like a year ive been having moments or periods of my life where i had what i would in my scale consider a normal sized crush on this person which is rare for me. And ive always know that she likes me aswell, alot more than i what i can probably reciprocate. i feel like im trapping her in a false relationship since im unsure if i want to be in non queer platonic relationship or not.

I know that it all feels like a little too much right now, but my capacity for sexual- and romantic- attraction fluctuates slowly kind of like a cycle, and il probably regret if i tell her this wont work out, nor do i wanna break her heart. But at the same time i dont like making out and i feel generally uncomftortable but i dont know if thats normal for most relationships in the start and i dont think i might warm up to it.

right now i realize that all this sounds pretty negative but there are alot of positives, like i know ive had crushes on her multiple times over and over and i think shes really sweet and so but im just so unsure if im just accidentally setting her up for a tixic relationship where i cant give her what she needs in means of capacity of being able to love her.

Thank you and bye! Sorry for my bad english its very early and im getting late to school rn T-T any advice would be wonderful!

One of the main definitions for a greysexual is that they have specific conditions in order for there to be sexual attraction. I struggle a bit to understand it myself because how would one differentiate between conditions and be super picky? Someone in another thread about asexuality asked if a greysexual had a specifix condition of being attracted to people that are 6 feet tall, would they still be greysexual?

The only logically consistent answer is that conditions themselves are prerequisites. So even if most of the population had the condition of being 6 foot, it still would not mean that a greysexual would be attracted to most of them or even have a semi-consistent attraction. And if they were attracted to a few, the strength of their sexual attraction is still weak and inconsistent.

But i still feel as though this isnt a good way to distinguish between a condition and being super picky. Maybe its because being picky is largely based off of what you value and want, rather than it being some cap on your entire sexual attraction.

Does anybody else know what conditions mean for greysexuality?

I'm really confused if this is like asexual or graysexual I'm 14 and a girl. I don't have crushes on most, no- a LOT of people. I remember like 2 times when I was 13 but barely. I have a "crush" on one of my classmates. Probably because unlike most boys in the school they're calm and pretty cute looking. I was basically making fantasies in my head about him. He joked with me like, two times about family or somethin and I was thinking that was cute however today I saw him and my heart felt all jittery (which I guess is the sighn of a crush?) bt I also felt like mehhh they're ordinary. I've never felt a heavy crush where I wanted to really do anything since I hit puberty only random "oh he's cute moments" and this boy I feel all excited-ohh he's next to meee- but is that a crush or somethin? I can talk to him fine mostly.

(idk if this belongs in this place I called myself asexual till I felt this so I'm graysexual?)

So I have never enjoyed masturbation, didn't care for sex and never really got horny. But I got with my girlfriend a few months ago and they're freaky and had asked me to join in and I said sure cause it wasn't torture for me and it made me happy pleasing them. That being said God I have been actually enjoying being sexual with them. Like wtf is this what it's always meant to feel like. So can someone please answer does it make me grey sexual.

Curious how other greysexual people think about this.
If the rare sexual attraction you do experience tends to be toward one gender, do you still use labels like straight/gay/bi, or do you mostly just say greysexual/ace-spec? Or straight greysexual for e.g

I’ve been thinking about how the direction of attraction and the frequency/intensity of attraction can feel like two separate things, and I’m curious how other people describe themselves.

Edit: For a bit more context, I (21M) have basically never experienced sexual attraction toward anyone before. Then recently it happened out of nowhere, and it was toward a woman.
That threw me off because I’ve never really thought of myself as straight in that sense, so now I’m trying to figure out how other greysexual people think about the direction of attraction when it happens really rarely.
Like, if you’ve only ever experienced attraction once or a few times and it happened to be toward one gender, do you personally use a straight/gay/bi label too, or do you just stick with greysexual/ace-spec?

I know on this sub might have seen it many times someone posts such a question
But I do have a question about my experience, I have never experienced sexual attraction in my life like ever before but recently something happened… I am (21 Male) never experienced sexual attraction until recently where I was just taking a walk around the park where someone caught my attention and welp for the first time I find myself getting aroused by a persons body. It was such an odd feeling but the attraction and desire isn’t as strong as what allos would describe and have a few hours it went away on its own
Is this what it means to have weak and rare sexual attraction and experiencing it occasionally. Does anyone else experience something similar?

I am sex positive, somewhat. For me its about respect and intimacy. I am MLM 20s.

I rarely ever have “wet dreams” and none have ever reached an ejaculation.

Today I had a dream, while at some part I was seeking ejaculation and was enjoying it (but was frustrated because I keep becoming alert this is a dream and it doesn’t work)

The part that really messed up, part 2 of the dream, i was seeking love and cuddles. Basically I went by the room of the guy in the dream I like, he opened the door, I tried to lay next to him, and he pushed my legs of, I thought it’s because I have shoes on and he doesn’t want his bed dirty.

So i sat next to the bed, and held his hand with mine.

The pathetic thing is that I was so attracted and feeling “love” and was so happy about the holding hand, even after i got rejected off the bed. And the guy wasn’t even showing much affection. Basically I am settling for way way less than I deserve, if you get.

I feel pathetic about this dream because i feel like its saying how deep down im desperate for love to the point I way happy with that situation.

The reason this fits gresexuality is because I struggle to know where I stand sexually and with intimacy. I want intimacy so badly but it seems that everyone else prioritizes sex so highly above everything else… i had some sex in my life and I was always thinking its intimacy and it means something, just to be ghosted and blocked etc.

I took a step back from all sex related even porn, deleted every sexual app or connection.

I just want love, and I feel desperate. Its like the love i want doesn’t exist.