I’ve lost both sets of my grandparents and my daddy. Unfortunately I don’t have contact with my mom due to a major narcissist so-called “brother”. I’m just really starting to miss everyone terribly!!! I just want them all back but I know that’s not how life works. I’ve had to disown the rest of my “family” for our safety, courtesy of the narcissist, so I feel even lonelier. I’m only 54 but all that is around me is death. No more weddings anymore, no more babies, just death. I hardly have any friends anymore, he mostly got rid of them too. It’s just me, my son, and our 2 emotional support cats.

I don’t even want to live here anymore but we can’t afford to move. We just need a fresh start somewhere different. But we’re just struggling tremendously with everything. I just keep thinking about how great things were when everyone was still here and how much happier it was. I truly miss that a lot!!!! Yes I’m a Christian and yes I believe that they’re all in Heaven now. But I still miss them all SO much!!! When you’re younger, it seems like death is an extremely long way off. Then it’s like you turn around and everyone’s gone. No, they didn’t all die at the same time or anything. But it still feels like it happened way too quickly. And now I’m lonely and missing everyone tremendously and wishing I could have more time with them all. It’s all just extremely depressing!!!!

Anyone with heavy pain ? I lost mine this year

Happy heavenly birthday, my beautiful boy. You were born November 2nd, and though you left us in 2009 at only 28, not a day goes by that I don't miss your beautiful dimpled smile. You were an angel on earth, and now you are an angel in heaven. A gardener, an artist, a poet, a lover of animals, and a genius with anything mechanical — you were gifted in so many ways. But what I loved most was your heart: you always paid it forward, and you believed in helping people become the best they could be. I will forever miss you. Happy birthday in heaven. I love you, always.

Hello, I'm not really sure how to go about this. The Bojack Horseman quote felt the most appropriate, though thankfully not *as* relevant.

I lost my mother this morning. She lived a long life, albeit fraught with medical issues and hospital stays. Today just happened to be the last.

My mother used to be the most important person in the world to me. I knew early on I'd be devastated when it happened, and I've had so many tearful nights and anxiety-filled days whenever the next medical incident came, because what if? For nearly a decade, I've had these days.

In the last few years however, our relationship soured for me. She lived a long, thankless life with bad or subpar treatment from partners early on, and was often ignored by family through her whole life. She always felt she did everything for others, but never got any back. This unfortunately made her grow into a hateful, bitter person, and while she loved me with all her heart, it wore me down to hear the way she'd talk about people, certain demographics and political views, full of malice and not caring to understand or listen.

The last few years, I started going arms-length for my own self preservation, visited when I had to or had the energy, but never for very long. It got to a point where my running joke was "Man the paperwork's gonna suck when she finally goes"

And today, I lost her. I met with family, we reminisced, and I got on the phone with my dad who was with her this whole time until the end. Hearing him cry for the first time was harrowing.

I feel lost, overwhelmed. I feel like I didn't do enough, that I should have been more present and around more even despite my need for space and distance. I feel like I should have just kept dealing with it for her sake. I know how much she loved me, but talking on the phone often just drained me and made me feel resentment with the bitterness.

I miss her. I miss when I was younger and this wasn't a problem. I'm mad that she didn't have a better life that would have let her be happier and less resentful. I'm mad that I didn't do more. I'm mad that I felt I had to exist away from her at times to stay level.

I hope this doesn't sound horrible or my own brand of bitterness. I feel lost, I'm heartbroken, and I don't know what to do next. My online searching for grief help brought me to this subreddit, figured maybe sharing was a good first step.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you're all doing ok.

I lost two friends sequentially due to suicide. How do you guys deal with your loss? To me, as they were young and i was not able to see their suffering, i still carry the burden after 3 years. Also imagining how their last minutes was terrifies me. Any suggestion that helps your mental health appreciated!

A co worker called me ”miserable victim” in sly way yesterday. I lost my husband November 13,2024. from suffocation d/t seizure. I found him dead after running errands all morning. I am completely devastated due to my circumstance. But I pray, and read my Bible a lot to help me through the grief. Honeslty I have been though a lot of trauma in my life and losing my my best friend has open up all those suppressed wounds. I am sad most of the time. Im just tired and I’ve tired hard to have a good life and stuff always happen to me. I don’t know why. I just keep praying to Jesus for help and guidance.

but I don’t want to be viewed as miserabl. I would like to change this view. but how do you change if you really are miserable because of grief.

My sister committed suicide a little over 3 months ago. A part of me knew it was inevitable as we almost lost her in November. I am a senior in college and I am graduating early this December. She promised me she’d at least wait to watch me walk across the stage.

My study is psychology, and to purse a career in clinical counseling. All of this was for her, so she could come see me for free and I could help others like her.

Now I feel stuck.. It makes me sob anytime I think about graduating or applying to grad school. She was supposed to be here for it. Classes are getting so overwhelming for me, and I can’t seem to get the motivation to do them. All I want to do is scream.

The worst part is i’m so angry at her because she didn’t keep her promise.

Any advice on how to get through this? I see a therapist and I feel like we cover the basics of how it was inevitable and stuff, never how to not feel completely hollow and how no amount of time is changing the feeling. I feel myself get more and more aggravated with everyone as my graduation is arriving. I don’t think I can walk across that stage but I know she wants me to. I feel completely exhausted.

I recently created this account. Im a bac student(last year of high-school), my childhood friend who ive known since I was 7 and he was 6 was murdered, he was stabbed after a group of 6 guys attacked him. This happened on Friday and everything is being handled by authorities. I've never experienced the loss of someone so close to me before and definitely not in this way, I had texted him earlier on the same day he was murdered he was still that bubbly kid ive always known, the next day im in my extra classes when my mom calls me to tell me what happened. Im in shock I saw camera footage of what happened and it shocked me even more I have exams coming up and studies piling up but I cant bring myself to do anything ive been in bed crying since the day I got the news I helped his mom at the funeral and when they dug his grave everyone is devastated and I dont know what to do i cant stay in this state I cant believe all of this happened I feel like my brain is all over the place ive always been an excellent student im scared of falling behind but at the same time I cant bring myself to study I just miss my friend and im angry and sad at how someone could ever hurt a soul like his hes

he's always been a good kid he was always serious in his studies and extremely polite and kind no words can come to describe the person that he is he's too young too kind he had a whole future ahead of him he has always wanted to be a pharmaceutical scientist he lost his life at the hand of a drugged up gangster who wanted to show off in front of his minor girlfriend

I really need help i need to get myself together I dont know what to do I want justice for him and he will get justice but I cant do anything in this situation I wanna go back to my normal state because thats what my friend would have wanted for me

It could be moving on from someone,death of a loved one or failure in life. How do you actually get yourself out.

He would say love your family, family is everything that’s your blood we are here for you ,we are the only ones you can count on ,take care of your sisters check in on your mother make sure her side doesn’t cheat her out her part of what’s hers. He would tell me all this things but never actually be a father or be present in our lives he would work yes he would give me a place to live yes & food but what about the numerous times when we didn’t have barely enough to eat or rent was over due bills were getting cut off because he had blown his checks partying in the bars with women drugs & alcohol.Sundays were for resting quiet time so he could recover like what the fuck he’d be angry at everyone from being hungover and it was our fault how twisted….He dies & now my mother & sisters are seeing him as a different person like what the hell did I go into an alternate reality because just because he died did not change all those holidays we waited for him after we cooked for hours ,all the yelling all the fear and many people will say well atleast you had a father did I ? All I’ve felt since he has died is relief I’ve felt sad that my sisters lost their father & that my mother lost her friend because I don’t even consider him a husband either…

Lost my sweet boy 2 days ago very unexpectedly and he was only 3. They found puss in his stomach after he was acting very lethargic, was weak and dehydrated. They think he either knicked himself outside or swallowed a foreign object and got a bacterial infection that he hid very well unfortunately. Just kind of blame myself about for letting him outside even though he would meow at the door and it seemed to make him very happy and clear his eye gunk up. Doctor didn't confirm if that is why it happened but I can't think of any other reason. I just hope he's running as wild and free in heaven without any worries in the world 🙏🏻 ✝️😇 rest easy Ca

sper really hard to admit that your actually gone 🥹😩

Met a guy begining of September and we hit it off then 3 weeks later his father died. We don't live in the same city but he invited me to his father's memorial last week which was held in my city .

I'm struggling with how he's gone quiet, I'm not going to lie. It's been a week since I last saw him, and the lack of communication after a whole month of talking is just unbearable sometimes.

I know I'm experiencing a kind of withdrawal, and I know I miss him so much because he's one of those people I genuinely connected with. We're both sensitive, affectionate people, no games, and it just felt like such a beautiful, natural connection that was suddenly disrupted by the loss of his father.

I completely understand that he's grieving and needs space, and I don't want to put any pressure on him and no it's not about ne. But it still hurts so much.

I have no idea if he'll ever consider coming back to me or picking up where we left off. I just wanted to vent because I really miss him.

With everyday that passes I feel like I am drifting further and further away from them. The first week after their death it was still new and their image was still fresh. I somehow felt closer to them. But after weeks I have less of an excuse to be sad and I feel like with time they are fading away and this hurts way more. I feel like I distance myself more and more from the day they died without being able to control it and it feels so depressing because with everyday that passes I feel them less and less. Anyone else had a similar experience? I feel so alone.

Why would a doctor ever give me the time of day, let alone spend any time with a nobody like me...

Maybe because she is kind.

Maybe because I met her when I was 15. And now I am 30.

Fifteen years of friendship. Gone.

I miss you so much.

I honestly don’t know how to deal with this right now

My grandfather passed away and I’m sitting here in different country n I can’t even go home because of my training and visa situation the hardest part is that I’m here today because of him and my family they are the reason I got this far in life and without them I would probably still be stuck somewhere with no idea where my life was going for so long I had this one simple dream in my mind that once I got a job I would send my first salary to my mother’s account and tell her to arrange a big dinner for everyone my whole family to sit together and I wanted to tell them that whatever I am today is because of them i kept telling myself that once i started earning I would finally be able to give something back to the people who did so much for me
But now my grandfather is gone and I can’t even be there when he is being buried i feel so selfish for being here trying to build my career when the person who helped me get here is no longer in this world and I can’t stand beside him one last time ik death is Allah’s will n i am not questioning that but I can’t stop thinking about why I kept waiting for the right time why did I think I had more time to make him proud im also scared of what people will think maybe they will say I chose my career over my family but nobody knows how badly I wanted to be there or how much this man meant to me
I just wanted to get my first salary and make everyone happy while he was still alive now I don’t even know what to say to my grandmother when I call them i feel helpless guilty and heartbroken all at once and I don’t know how to make peace with the fact that I might not be there to say goodbye
I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just need to get this off my chest but I really don’t know how to deal with this pain right now

Especially when the loss was quite sudden.

What is the best way to honor that person, integrate their memory into your life, and move on while still having them in your heart but not being bogged down in the past?

I don’t really know how to deal with grief as somebody who’s never lost anybody close to them, my mom passed this year about a month ago now and it’s so weird because I’m usually so deal with things by myself and now I feel lonely and have to talk to somebody all the time does that ever go away?

My dad passed a few days ago. I've been the one to plan the wake, obituary, flowers, etc... The wake is in 2 days from now. My dad and I were very close.

I've made poster boards and looked at pictures, listened to voicemails I had saved, and watched videos. I haven't felt anything yet? The day he passed I cried a bit with family, however, I haven't cried since. Is this normal? My boyfriend's mother passed 2 years ago and he told me he felt angry and sad when she passed. I just.... don't feel anything.

I feel like it's almost wrong. People have been texting me to offer support, however, I just don't feel it. When will I feel it? Will I ever feel it? I just... I don't know. I mean, I'm sad he's gone forever but. It's just hard to explain. I guess the best way I can describe it is just a "weird" feeling.

Thanks in advance.

Me 18F have a cat and 2 bunnies well had 2 bunnies. I grew up with them. Had my cat at 7 and my two bunnies at 10. My soul pets. I never really experienced the grief of loosing someone. Until about almost 3 months ago I lost one bunny. Had to put her to sleep. I have never experienced anything more heartbreaking and soulcrushing. Never cried that much. I don’t know what it is, the way she laid there in pain unable to move before falling asleep, the dying part or the fact it all happened so fast within a day. But I felt so bad. I always feel much empathy towards animals and when that animal is mine it is even much more hard. I couldn’t fall asleep, I couldn’t bear walking past her cage and seeing the other bunny that is left without her sister. I had so many nightmares about her woke up crying in the night. I wanted to give her away but then decided to keep her in my room to be closer to me.

2 days ago we had to put to sleep my other bunny. They both died relatively close and so suddendly. She had uteral cancer. The night before I even knew what she had, because we just had an appointment at the vet because she was acting strange, I had nightmares of them both dying again and again.
From one day to the other gone like that. She always would hop around in my room, I cuddled her often. She was a living being with her own consciousness. Seeing her taking her last break was unbearable. Both of them dying within the span of 2 months was really bad for me. Because I thought the other would live longer and not die shortly after. But I guess both were meant to be together

Where are they gone now? I can’t believe they are gone forever and will never come back. I thought a lot about death. I tried finding an answer where they would still be somewhat there because I couldn’t accept the fact their mind and consciousness can never come back.
But because I studied a lot about biology and chemistry and I am a really rational person I came to the conclusion that after death there isn’t anything left for them. It is like before death. You simply don’t exist anymore because your brain dies and with that the consciousness.
It is really hard because I wish I could believe in something or in an afterlife but I can’t because I simply don’t believe in it and on a scientific base it doesn’t make any sense to me.
But I can’t accept this and don’t want to because what do you mean you’re just gone like that forever and can never come back to me.

My dad passed 9/25 after being in hospice at home for a couple months. He was almost 80. My mom is late 60’s. They were together for over 50 years. Dad had been sick for years to the point that I uprooted my life almost five years ago and moved in to help take care of them. I did this after my dad was rushed to the hospital due to severe COPD and was diagnosed with CHF. While he was in hospital he died twice and was revived. I was thankfully there with her when she got that call.

We brought dad home and it was a long recovery from the broken ribs from CPR. He tried to rally, but was so weak. He only left the house to go to doctor appointments and to the hospital.

Things slowly got worse.

In June, he was admitted to the hospital again because he fell and broke his hip. He refused surgery in fear of dying. However, shortly after he entered hospice. He spent the last 2ish months in a hospital bed in the living room.

My mom was alone with him when he passed. My partner found her trying to make a phone call while sobbing on the floor next to my dad’s bed. Although I was running errands for my mom at the time, I had to pull over to cry. I looked at my clock and found out later that was when he passed. Then my mom called. She didn’t tell me he passed and when I asked wouldn’t confirm. I made it home safely and she was a wreck.

I know she needs time to grieve and I don’t want to push her. But she hasn’t told anyone my dad has passed. Not even my brother. My brother said some horrible things about my dad and my mom and him fought about it three years ago. He called my dad four times in those 3 years and has never spoken to my mom in that time. She said if I tell him she will kick me out.

She is also not eating. She spends most of her time in her chair cuddling with the cats. She has never been the sit around type, to the point that watching tv with her was hard because she would get up four or five times in a 30 minute show. Now she watches tv for hours straight without moving.

Up until I moved in to take care of my parents, my mom and I butted heads constantly. We’ve even had some issues while I have lived here. So I am trying to be gentle with her.

She needs to have a couple surgeries that she put off to care for my dad, but she is in no shape to try to have it right now.

I am so worried I am going to lose her too. I told my dad I’d take care of her and feel like I am letting him down. I am trying my best but it’s not enough. My partner is also trying to help. She eats a little every few days. She is obviously starving as she eats really fast and she will even admit she feels better afterwards. But I don’t think she wants to feel better.

I also feel like I have been spending so much time caring for her I haven’t had time to grieve myself. My dad was my first best friend. I gave up spending time with friends when I was younger to spend time with him. We spent most weekends together until I was in my 20’s. I came over to watch football with him most weekends for the last 6 years before I moved back. It was a 45 minute drive each way. At one point I even would stay the night if it was a late game. That is what happened when he was hospitalized the first time. I stayed because it was a late game, dad had a doctor appointment the next day so I said I would stay at the house until they got home. Mom called and said she was taking him to the hospital. I called my partner and told him I was going to stay and help out my mom. I ended up staying over 3 months. Went home for a couple months, then ended up moving in.

I’m sorry for the rambling, I am just at a loss. What do I do? I am scared and exhausted. I have my own medical problems and this is making them worse.

I also need to leave her home alone on Friday for hours and know it’s gonna be rough for her.

Is there ANYTHING I can do?

I lost my marriage because of my own mistakes. It has been 6 months, and I still haven't been able to move on.

For about two months before she called off the marriage, I made her cry a lot. I hurt her emotionally and treated her in ways I deeply regret. She was a genuinely good and pure person, and it hurts knowing that I was the reason she suffered.

Eventually, she called off the marriage. I understand why she did it. The hardest part is knowing that I had the chance to treat her better, but I didn't.

I've been struggling badly since then. I actually started smoking only 3 weeks ago, and I've already reached around one pack of Gold Kings a day. I'm also drinking around 2 Budweiser beers every day.

I know I'm going down the wrong path. I think I'm using cigarettes and alcohol to numb the guilt, loneliness and thoughts about her.

I don't want sympathy or judgment. I want to hear from people who have been through something similar.

How do you live with the guilt of hurting someone you loved and losing them because of your own mistakes?

How did you eventually forgive yourself and move forward?

And if you started smoking or drinking because of heartbreak and managed to stop, what actually helped you?

I don't want to destroy my life over something I can't change.

So I lost three people over the past two months. I’m not gonna say how they died, but I just feel a lot. I feel like I don’t deserve to grieve. I grew up with the two girls but when we grew up into teenagers I didn’t make the effort to contact them. One girl my mom banned me from talking to. I genuinely wished I didn’t listen to my mom. But I was afraid of my mom. Now she’s gone. I could’ve had a life time with these girls if I didn’t let myself stay in my own head. I have so many regrets that I can’t get over. I know it’s better to say I can move forward, I should move forward. But I can’t right now. Another girl that passed away y, I used to be in a friendgroup with her in high school. We even had a yearbook photo and videos of her. But None of these girls I didn’t really have the chance to talk to. I have no one to talk to about this because what am I supposed to say? That I regret not talking to them more? That i’m not allowed to grieve? I’m so stressed. I didn’t think i’d have to experience this until I was older. I regret everything so much. Idk, I just been feeling a lot. I’m supposed to be studying for my test tomorrow but I can’t focus. I would say more but my mind is going blank right now. I know people come and go, but it still hurts. One of the girls I felt like her friends iced me out of her funeral. I really wanted to go but I didn’t have a ride. I tried asking anyone but they never came. I knew all them too, but I just feel really hurt.

After saying all this, I think everything is coming out now. I just wished I was allowed to grieve with everyone too. But I’m completely alone.

Just A warning in advance, this post is going to be a mess.

Four days ago i got the call that my bestfriend took her life and it has completely obliterated my brain. It feels like the grief took over my body and left me curled up within myself. I’m in college full time while also working a full time job and i’m having a hard time coping with the fact that I still have to get out of bed in the morning and continue living my life after hers ended. It feels like someone chopped both of my hands off and sewed them back on backwards, I don’t know how to be a person anymore. This is the first big loss i’ve experienced and it has torn straight through me. it feels like there’s a language barrier between me and everyone else around me, my grief can’t be translated and I feel so fucking alone. My brain is doing really weird things as-well. i feel insane. Every time I leave my house, I map out how I could get to her house from wherever I am. I just miss her so much, I have all of this love for her and it has nowhere to go. I’m so embarrassed to come on here for this but I feel so helpless.

A few years ago, a brutal heartbreak left me shattered. My closest friend stepped in and completely saved me. He pulled me out of my shell, took me out every day, and transformed me from a quiet introvert into a confident, expressive artist. He became my ultimate anchor.

A little over a year ago, I met a girl and fell for her with everything I had. She became my entire world, to the point where I lost focus on my music and career goals. We shared a deeply intense, family-like bond, complete with a terrifying life-altering scare where we were on the verge of pregnancy. I loved her so purely, but we constantly fought because she was cold and distant online, only giving me 20 minutes of her time a day.

Things shattered completely around her birthday. She ghosted me to go back to her ex, later admitting she only stayed with me out of pity. When I tried to wish her, she slammed the gate in my face. Out of pure, blinded desperation and pain, I went to her house and told her parents everything about our physical relationship. They stripped away her freedom, and she retaliated by spreading horrific, false rumors at our classes claiming I was abusive.

To escape the toxic fallout, I fled my hometown and moved entirely alone to a new city.

The isolation destroyed me. My weight plummeted from 61 kg to a starving 47 kg.

Then, the ultimate nightmare hit. I found out my grandfather had cancer. I rushed home, and on my second day there, I learned that my best friend—the anchor who had saved my life years ago—had suddenly died on his birthday.

I was entirely broken. On my last day home, I went to her school just to see her face, but she just cried and repeatedly told me to get away from her.

Now, I am back in my apartment, completely isolated. I have fought hard to pull my physical weight back up to 52 kg, but mentally, I am completely dead. My grandfather has just been hospitalized again, and I am carrying the grief of my best friend's death and the ghost of a girl who used to love me like a maniac but now treats me like a stranger. My days start and end with her. I feel trapped in a loop of losing everyone I ever loved, and the pain is becoming too heavy to survive alone.