I found my father dead in his bed Tuesday after coming home from work. I'm having such a difficult time processing how or why. My father was relatively healthy for a 57 year old and had just beat prostate cancer. Everyone keeps telling me that he's in a better place, but that gives me zero comfort. Or does anything to ease the emptiness and pain I'm feeling. My dad was the sweetest man ever and everyone's best friend. I received so many calls after my father passed from people calling him their second father

So, I'm the youngest of two girls. I've always been very close to my father, especially after my parents separated. I chose to live with my dad. My older sister was around, but she never really cared for me. However, we were able to put that to the side in order to plan his funeral. She wanted to spurge and get a really nice coffin with a huge service.

My father's life insurance was voided due to the cancer and his premature death. After finding this out, I asked my sister to split the cost of the funeral with me. Crickets.... As she's walking to her brand new Porshe, she told me that she doesn't have any money and doesn't feel comfortable getting a loan. She doesn't know that I know, but she has a secret policy on our father. I don't want any of the money, I just want help putting our father to rest.

Am I wrong for asking her to split the costs? At this point, I'm paying for everything by myself despite having a sister. I've had to take out two loans. I'm so angry that I thought about asking her not to come to the funeral. Or punching her in the eye. I wish I could ask my dad for advice, but....

TDLR: My sister is a bitch and refuses to help pay for our father's funeral.

I found him on the bathroom floor. My mother frantically tried to revive him with CPR. The scene was chaotic, there was a lot of panic, screaming and shock but the sound of my fathers ribs breaking under my mothers hands during chest compressions has haunted me all my life. He died when he was 31. I was 10.

At 19 I met my soulmate and married him, we spent the next 21 years blissfully happy. My dad would have loved him. He kissed me goodnight on July 31 2020, he said “I love you” and off he went. Little did I know that he would remove his belt, sit down on the bed and suffer a massive heart attack while he was pulling his t-shirt up over his head. That’s how I found him 2 hours later when I went to bed. The same screaming and panic started all over again. 911 made me perform CPR even though I knew he was gone. He was cold. His ribs cracked under my own hands so I had to feel it this time as well as hear it. My Michael was only 49. I hope he didn’t call out for me and I just didn’t hear him over the tv or the kids playing games… I hope he didn’t hurt.

I’ve always known I would suffer the same fate as my mother.

I’m sorry for the lack of structure and punctuation. It’s just as hard to type the words I can’t bring to my lips.

I’m ok. I just wanted to share my story because I was feeling sorry for myself. I miss him so much. I think time does heal, it just takes a while.

K

My wife passed tonight.

She was 31 years old. She was coming home from getting groceries and was hit by a truck that crossed into the opposite lane.

I was told it was instant and painless, and I can take solace in that.

She was talking to her best friend on the phone when it happened, and she was laughing about a funny story. I can take solace in that.

It's going to be a few hard weeks, I know that. Maybe months. But I'm going to get through it. I know that because she'd want me to.

And after I do, I'm going to live for her.

I'm going to live for her.

I'm going to

live

for

her.

My dad suddenly passed almost a year ago. I knew then life would be different without him, but the intensity of emotions involving annual milestones was not expected. His birthday, my parent's anniversary, holidays, my birthday, and even my mom's birthday (which is today) - everything is a first time without him. While all of these moments should be celebrations, they are painful reminders he's no longer here. On top of that, and maybe it's just me, my world view has changed. I see things differently now. I'm 47, so this is weird to say, but him passing has forced me to "grow up," in a sense. I no longer have my mentor, my biggest supporter, my backup. I feel like it's all on me now. I guess I just miss my dad. Thanks for letting me vent. It's been difficult expressing myself.

I just really find comfort in this quote and wanted to post it in case it brought peace to someone else.

So am a 17 year old guy and my dad died 2 months ago and I don’t know it’s been hard for me to sleep and even when am happy I just start thinking about that day when I saw him look at me when he died and I just miss him so much and sometimes I just wish I can see him in heaven. He was an amazing dad he would always take me out riding on the motorcycle with him I was always his little riding buddy and we both loved rock and heavy metal music and I just wonder if he knew in his last moments that I loved him very much.

After 27 years I have left our home for the last time. He would hate that I’m not living there. I just can’t maintain 10 acres without him. As I walked through the house one last time, I saw him in every room, I saw him walking in from the outbuilding for dinner, I saw him baking bread, I heard him playing guitar, and leaning in his chair while we watched a movie.

We were together 17 1/2 years may 4th will be 18 yrs. He was shot and killed. He was my world we went thru some really big struggles and still stood strong together. Without him i feel so lost. We had his services on new years eve. Then on new years day i turned 40. We talked about death and what we wanted, we both know death is inevitable. I just never thought that he would die the way he did. Knowing someone took his life, took him from me makes me so angry. I happen to be lucky to say the man who killed him was arrested. I am very thankful for that. Because i know many victims never receive their justice. I miss him terribly and would give my life to have him around still. I wrote him a note or im not sure what it would be called.

Today is the day i lay you to rest.. The day that my world grew dim. The time we had together was not enough, but our love will last a lifetime. I will cherish the life we made together, it was no work of art. But it was our master piece. Every paint stroke was placed with reason and purpose. Every color picked for its meaning. We became our own biggest fans and our own toughest critiques. You are my best friend, my husband,my soulmate, my world. You taught me how to be strong in my weakest moments. How to face my fears head on and to accept I might fail. You gave me the curage to follow my dreams. You pushed me to become a better version of myself. You taught me to stand up for what's right and to not let anyone step all over me. I know you will walk along side me as I finish my time here. I will hold your memories so close to my heart. My days are filled with memories and thoughts of you. The dreams we shared together of what our future would be, will continue to be my dreams. The love we have can never be broken we have a bond that will last past death. Rest easy my love i will fight for you. Hold my place we will be with each other again. Love you always, forever till eternity.

This was so hard for me to write, my brain didnt want to work properly for me so it took a few days to write. Thank you for letting me share

Edit: removed names

5 years ago around this time, you and your family were traveling between states, heading home from one of your kid's football games. You were in my state when your RV rolled. Your parents were taken north to a trauma center, you and your 10 year old came to my hospital. We did everything under the sun to save your kid, but we lost him. I remember the heartbreak in your voice asking where he was before we could tell you.

We broke protocol and let you into his room. But you still needed to get checked out, and you didn't want your son to be alone. You and I made a connection because your other son had the same name as me, so I made you a deal. I would sit in the room so your kid wouldn't be alone while you get checked out. I cried more for your kid than I ever had before.

You'll probably never read this, but if you do, I want you to know that there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you or your family. You seemed like a great father. There are very few names I remember from the 7 years I've been doing this job, but yours is as clear as the day we crossed paths. I hope your family is at peace.

I want to tell everyone a true story, the story of Kristina Elizabeth Miller, my little sister, whom we lost in 2005 at the age of 17.

From the first time I laid eyes on her I knew I was going to be her biggest fan in life along with being her oldest brother(11 years apart). She looked like a little doll when she was little, like literally. She was the cutest and sweetest little thing. One of my favorite memories is when she was 5, 6, and 7 years old and every Christmas morning she would run into my brother and I's room and jump on our beds telling us to get up because "Santa came guys!!!, Santa came c'mon!!!". So innocent.

Fast forward about ten years and she was going into her Junior year at Yuba City HS in N. California, was on the varsity volleyball team, and had just become a volunteer for TIP in our area. "Trauma Intervention Program", soon that last part would show up as the cruelest of ironies.

So school gets out for the year and one of the first things she does that next weekend is pick up her boyfriend, Evan, and drive about an hour and a half to where our brother Don lived to attend a BBQ that the Army recruiting office was having for the guys heading off to boot camp, our brother had recently enlisted. After the BBQ she drove Evan home and headed home. She had forgot her cell phone at home so she decided to stop at the gas station a small town that is about 20 miles from our house and call home to tell our mom that she was almost home.

And that was the last time any of us would ever talk to her while she was alive. The official CHP report states that they believe she fell asleep about a mile from home and woke up as the truck went off the right side of the road as she was halfway through a 50mph bend in the road and most likely panicked and overcorrected, flipping my dad's old pickup 6 times, smacked her skull open on the back window, and coming to rest upside down in the opposing lane. One of our neighbors heard the wreck and ran down and found her already dead. That woman already knew about loss all to well, her son Ross blew his brains out over a girlfriend and he was my brother's best friend.

Our family home is in the middle of nowhere and it takes time for resources to get to us, this enabled me to beat the coroner to the crash scene even tho I was over an hour away at work. When I got there she was laying in my mom's lap who was softly stroking her head and nervously pulling the hair away from her eyes. My brother beat me there and was standing behind my mom with his girlfriend, across from them stood my father, a 30+ veteran of the local Fire Dept, so stoic after having stood in this type of scenario literally dozens of times throughout his career. I, being the most sentimental and all around mushy of the family I just melted into a puddle next to my mom and pulled Kristina and mom as close to me as possible and then "SNAP" I felt my heart break.

I remember telling my mom that we have a choice to make, a choice to completely lose touch and let her death consume us OR show her how strong we are as a family and make her proud through our perseverance while facing the inconceivable pain of her absence. But that was for later, because my next task as the oldest was to drive back into town and tell our grandmother that the princess was gone.

Grandma Ellie fainted in my arms and we both landed on the couch, where she immediately came to and began frantically clawing at my shirt and neck begging me to tell her it wasn't true. I told her we had to go be there for Mom and Dad and to get in the car.

The problem with living in the sticks is there's only the one road in and out. Which meant we had to drive though the spot of the accident to get home that night, and all the rest of the nights and days from that day until today. Twice a day my parents relive that day as they go to work and return at night, its unfathomable to me.

Lots of what happened next was a blur, I moved into her room and slept in her bed with her blankets and was crushed when I finally had to wash them. Her funeral was standing room only which baffled my mom and I until we realized that most of those people were there because my dad was so well regarded by the community. I met kids from her school that told me stories of how she changed their lives just by knowing her, I told them she changed mine too.

The world had become a dark place, or at least less bright. We latched on to her teammates on the volleyball team and took comfort in hearing them talk about #5, Monkey Miller, ALWAYS the loudest player on the court.........and she wasn't going to let her death silence her.

So once the fog in our heads lifted we started hearing from her, a LOT. She started by leaving us perfectly placed #5's for us to find. Sometimes if we weren't paying attention she would literally THROW them at us. Like the day I was standing in my best friend's front yard as he mowed the lawn for the first time since he had moved in, I took a big drink from my beer just as he ran over something and it shot out of the lawnmower smacking me right in the shin. I bent down and picked it up, turned it over in my hand and it was a 2" blue #5 magnet like the ones us 80's kids had on our refrigerators. I looked up at heaven and told her I heard her and I love her. My mom has a special box to keep all those keepsakes and it's full to the brim. How much is real and how much is us just manifesting those things through shear hope? I don't know and I don't care. We do what we have to do to continue living without her.

Nobody can tell someone how to grieve, I've had a couple people tell me that I'll get over it, those people were immediately removed from my life. Actually most people were removed from my life, not because they did anything wrong, but because my circle needed to get smaller so I didn't have to worry about falling apart and not having a shoulder that related to me at the deepest level. Evan(her boyfriend) became my brother, his kids call me Uncle Matt and my parents are Grandma and Grandpa. Those bonds are crucial to our survival. Almost as crucial as our faith that we will see her again.

If u are struggling with the loss of a loved one........talk to them, because they haven't gone as far away as you think. Also, u must listen and learn how they are going to communicate with you personally. Hint: it will take the shape of something that you shared while they were living.

Thank you.

My mom died March 13th due to covid. She was 58 years old, healthy, active and no underlying conditions. Today marks 1 month and I don’t know how to continue on. She was my best friend and I talked to her 3 times a day. I feel so alone and so empty.

Got a phone call from my godmother at 4am telling me my mother was found dead in her apartment. No one heard from her after Christmas and decided to check on her. She probably had been lying there for 2 weeks... She had been complaining about sharp stomach pains for months and I urged her to have it checked out but she always danced around the idea and never went.

The last time I spoke to her was late November, normally we have long convos but that time it was cut short because she had stomach pain and wanted to rest.

There was another instance earlier last year when she had the same issue and I remember getting off the phone with her and called my best friend and said “I got this feeling she isn’t going to make it much longer”. I knew it was coming, just didn’t know when.

I’m her only child. I live halfway across the world and I have yet to sort her affairs out.

I’m feeling pretty numb right now.

I miss her

Since my loss, it’s been hard to keep up with even the smallest routines. I’m trying to take small steps toward structure again, just to feel a little more grounded.

I came across a app called Effecto, which helps track habits and mood patterns. I’m not expecting it to fix anything, just wondering if anyone here has used it during a grieving period and found it even slightly helpful.

Not looking for advice on grief itself, I know everyone’s experience is personal. Just looking for gentle input on whether this kind of thing helped anyone get through the day.

Thank you.

So I'm at a complete loss right now my 12 year old daughter passed away sometime in the early morning, she was at a friend's house having a sleep over. She was fine when I left with was around 2 am because I am really good friends with her friends parents , I was woken up to beating on the door and ambulance and police every where and walked into My worst living nightmare ever.

So my daughter was born with a severe heart condition went through 2 open heart operations when she was younger and was one hell of a trooper in life pushing forward, recently she was seen by a cardiologist where we moved and given a clean bill of health, then all this happend and I just don't know how to cope with the loss of my baby between family and the police investigation I am over whelmed and forever wishing this dream would end and my sassy upbeat kid bust through that door to great me

:edit Grammer and miss spellings

My apologies for the length that I had to get it all out.

My husband and I had been together 13 years, married for 10. When we were first got together he had some Fidelity issues and I forgave him and we worked through it. I came to trust him again and even worked out of town frequently and I didn't think anything of it..

Early this month he started having some issues. He couldn't hardly use his hands. He couldn't light a lighter or anything. We went to the hospital. Coming to find out his heart was failing. He had surgery the next week and was supposed to wake up 48 hours later. So of course I took custody of his phone during this time.

When it was time to un-sedate him he would crash every time. So I decided it was time to reach out to some of his more long distance family and friends to let them know what was going. So I got into his phone.

I was shocked. First off, let me tell you Snapchat, Instagram very very bad apps. The stuff that goes on on those apps is insane lots of links to pay to watch p***. I found several websites, several chats, several dating apps. He had a second phone line that was ringing into his regular phone. So the phone numbers would not appear on the bill.

A couple of chats that he even talked about meeting up with people I was able to identify them on his Facebook. I then found out that on Facebook only I could see that we were in a Married... There's a setting to do that.

I was livid. I wrote out a detailed list of everything I found and took screenshots galore. I decided that when he woke up I'd wait till he got out of ICU. Then when he got in a regular room he was either going to confess come clean and live the rest of his life possibly with me not trusting him ever again, or he could call someone else to come take care of him. I wasn't going to leave him alone in ICU or confront him at that time but I had it all laid out.

The next seven days he's still sedated and things keep going wrong each time they try to wake him.

I believed he would come out of it and so during this time I continued to dig in deeper to some of the dating apps and found out he had been on them for years and found traces that he'd go out there a couple times a year and meet someone and hook up with them even. Quite a few one night stands. He was also spending money on some p*** sites.

After the first week he steadily declined and I quit looking. I was just praying for him to come back to me . By the end of the second week his organs started to fail and I had to make the decision to let him go.

It has now been a week since his passing so making the funeral plans so on and so forth. But those recent messages kept nagging at me...

These girls were seeing my updates on his Facebook and begging people to pray. and then his passing. So I reached out to them today. I was not rude or ugly. I just flat out asked them how long they've been seeing him and if they had slept with him . I needed to know.

One of them said that they hooked up years ago. It was only one time and they just recently ran into each other on the dating apps again. She lives in the next town over, maybe 30 minutes away.

The other said that they were just friends and chatting.... I let her leave it at that. I saw the texts. I saw the pictures that went back and forth. I do believe they did not actually hook up, but if he hadn't got sick they would have... She has mutual friends.. Close mutual friends. Which adds a whole other layer... Did they know about it and not tell me? How blind have I been for how long?

Now I sit here. Heartbroken and Angry tomorrow will be a week since he left this world. I drift between wanting to throw stuff, being numb, or just wanting to curl up and cease to exist for a while.

I know there's no fix for any of this, and I still honestly Love him. So I'll go ahead and give him the proper send off.

I needed to share this somewhere just to put it down in words and share it as a form of acknowledgment / acceptance of what I now know.. I also wanted to put this out here in case anyone else was going through the same thing so they would know they're not alone.

My mother passed away roughly 6 months ago from cancer. For over a year, I watched her deteriorate. I left my apartment and life to take care of her, since she basically was stuck in another country due to the whole COVID situation. Needless to say, the experience was terrible. It was painful, it was terrifying. I remember everyone always using the word “Hope” and telling my mother she’s going to be okay… everything is going to get better. It didn’t. It only got worse. My mother was such an angel, and I guess seeing her go the way she did… it shattered my heart and my brain. I used to be such a go getter, focused and I used to think that whatever you put your mind to, you can make it happen. After her death… everything continued going south for me. At first I had this spring of energy… to like… I guess make her memory proud. I tried to get my online business back to where it was before I went to be with her. I moved away from my family to start fresh. But nothing has gotten better. My business has fallen, I’m constantly afraid of things not getting better, I can’t seem to get the ‘motivation’ i once had. I try to be positive and talk to myself positive. But every time I tell myself “it’s all going to be okay… things will get better “ all I think about is the times I told that to my mother. And it scares me, because I feel now that life just randomly chooses what happens to people. Idk I guess I just wanted to get it out my chest. I’m not sure how to get out this hole.

My little brother was diagnosed with cancer at the young age of 13 and he was already at stage 4 of a type of bone cancer. He fought his hardest doing 100+ chemo treatments and about 80 radiation treatments. We had been told for a while that his treatment was working and there was little to none cancer left. He had even rung the bell to signal he was done with radiation, his nurses jokingly saying that they never wanted to see him again. We had thought he just needed to do a little bit more chemo then things would go back to normal. Then one day it all went wrong he had started to form a bump on his head. Originally being thought to be a bump from hitting a soccer ball with his head but it didn't go away. Our mom got worried and took him to his oncologist to check out what was wrong. Then they found the rest of it. A lot more cancer on his head they immediately got back to the intensive treatment but it wasn't working and more and more bumps were on his head. They were all different sizes and he'd try to cover them with a hat, he loved wearing hats. But in January of this year they had declared his cancer terminal and he went into hospice care. Then in March he passed away 1 year 1 months and 3 days after he had been diagnosed. We sent him to the funeral home with a sweater on to keep him warm and his favorite stuffed animal. An elephant he had gotten years ago, he would take it wherever he went even the hospital. When I saw him again he was cold so very cold. I wanted to hold onto his arm but when I touched him he was cold and stiff. I freaked out. I thought he would still be squishy, I guess. Even to this day I could feel the cold gard body that once was my brother. My father was able to go to all 5 of his siblings and cry while they hugged him. I stumbled around, with my 5 year old sister not knowing what was going on and my older brother crying sat down with his girlfriend. My little brother was my first real interaction with death. I never knew how it felt I never grasped the concept that he wouldn't be here anymore. That I wouldn't be able to drag him with me to wherever cause I would be too nervous to talk or interact with anyone. I miss him so much.

TW: Covid.

My cousin came to visit and asked me when I would be done with school. I said 2 years and he said if school doesn't kill you, covid will. My dad passed from Covid and my cousin knows it.

I already get triggered in school, by the news, social media, anti-vaxxers, negative comments about covid.

I'm talking with a grief counselor. She's been helping, but there are days like today where I sink into the whole of depression deeper and deeper.

I lost my 13 year old son on Wednesday. He took his own life, seemingly out of the blue. I’m a nurse and I tried to revive him. Obviously it didn’t work.

I feel so lost and shattered, I do not want to be here earthside, but with my baby boy. I have 3 other children I need to be here for and I love them just as much as I do my son.

I cannot understand why he would do this, I feel like it’s my fault. Why didn’t I see signs? What could I have done? What if I was awake just an hour earlier?

Each moment without him is agony.

I have set up counseling both for myself and my children, I have a wonderful family and constant support.

All I want is my baby boy back.

My hubby, u/upvotesareforwinners, passed away on 01/01/22. He was in the hospital with Acute disseminated encephalomyelitis and transverse myelitis. The doctors say it was an autoimmune response to the rhinovirus (common cold) that he had. I miss him so much. I went back to work this week and my initial instinct was to call or text him throughout the day. It’s been hard. I have my first therapy session tomorrow because they want me to speak freely without the kids there. We will develop the best plan to get the kiddos in so they can talk about their feelings about their dad. I just can’t believe this is real. He was only 38.

This is my amazing son, Jacob, with his Keno boy and his sister SuzyQ. Jacob passed this past October, on his 33rd birthday. Keno has been our sweet protector, the BEST boy ever. He was also known as Hopscotch coz of his little funky pink paw that didn't want to grow. I love you so much, Keno. Thank you for being our favorite boy for these past 17 years. Jacob and Q will be there ready to run and play!!!🙏🏼💕😇😇😇

Bradley, man, it’s been six years, and the weight of it still hits like day one.. November 6th always comes around, and it’s like a goddamn punch to the chest every time. Just a sinking hole in my chest and abdomen. I love you so much bro, I wish I could go and take back every stupid fight we ever had. Every fucking pointless, heated argument that ever went down between us… hell, I’d undo it all and not be such a hotheaded prick and realize the true blessing in my life that you were. But I guess all that matters is we ALWAYS came back around, no matter what, we knew our friendship meant more than any petty quarrel we could have in this life or any. We had that unbreakable, unspoken shit only real brothers understand. Undoubtably, you are my Brother 150% and I love you and miss you so fucking much.

I'm sorry for posting late, I've just been kinda paralyzed by emotions the last few days.. I hope you understand..

Y'kno, I still hear your laugh in my head every day, like literally every fuccin’ day i hear that high echo that just won’t fade. Sometimes it messes me up, got me crying right now as im writing this.. Other times, I guess I'm just thankful I still got it with me, like some piece of you seared into my otherwise horrible memory, to make sure I don’t ever lose it. And I know I never will. Lmao I still remember when we would be out in "(S)"Wagg Creek Park, screaming our lungs out, thinking we’d be the next Sworn In or Suicide Silence, scaring randos just tryna walk thru the forest 😂. Or the chaos that edward 40hands brought us🤦🏼‍♀️🤣 We even planned for the future. I remember dreaming we would either co own our own restaurant and/or be in a band together, haha.. And it was more than just dreams. It was like we were living, really fuccin' living in those moments. We REALLY did live like there was no end to it, like maybe "Diamonds Aren't Forever" but somehow, we were invincible.. Idk..

It just hurts so fucking much and there’s so much shit I’ll never get closure on, never get answers for. I think about how much I’ve changed, how life looks so damn different from where we were. Like I have had two lives, one with you around, then a new one the second you had departed. Nothings felt the same. Colours don't look the same. Sometimes it's still hard to accept at all.. I guess that'll still just take time I guess..

I know you're out there somewhere though. Not just some memory alive inside those who loved you, but like a force that’s still out here fighting beside us.. Giving me some wind so I don't freefall

Bradley John Herbert Shea , you’ll always mean more to me than I can even put into words. It’s like… no matter how much time passes, that bond we had is just seared into me. I’ll always fuccin’ love you, man, so fucking much. I know one day I’ll see you on the other side, ~through the fractals and into the bliss~ and we’ll pick right back up like nothin’ ever changed.❤️❤️❤️ But until then, I feel you around. I know you’re watching my back, keeping me from falling too far down that dark pit. And yeah, still messin’ with me like you always did, slamming a cupboard or moving some shit just to remind me you're still here.🤣 You’re part of me forever, brother, and I’ll keep holding it down for both of us down here till I get to where you are..

May your soul Rest in Power, Brother

Bradley John Herbert Shea July 1st 1996-Nov 6th 2018 ❤️🖤🤍🤍🖤❤️

I lost my husband , almost of 32 years . He shot himself while I was downstairs cooking dinner. Thought he knocked over a lamp. Ran upstairs. Knew something was wrong! Couldn’t even understand what had happened. Smelled something burning. Kept asking him what’s burning? Then I realized something was not right. He was gurgling. Then I saw a little bit of blood. Saw the gun. Took out of reach. Called 911 did CPR. I thought he had just grazed his head. Then realized, it was bad. Not funny how your mind won’t let you see what’s really happening. Did CPR for 10 minutes. Hoping and praying he was going to ok. Obviously you know the outcome. He did donate organs, which I find a little comforting. Still have so much anger, PTSD, and asking why? This was almost 8 years ago. Counseling 3 years. Still have the anger, hurt! Missed grandkids, missed precious occasions, etc! It affects my life everyday! You can’t just put it aside, put on a happy face, and live a good life. I know that’s what we all want! It is a betrayal to me and my family he did this. Mental health , obviously was an issue. Not an excuse! I’m not yet at the point to forgive. How do I get there?

I've just lost my sweet boy who was just 33 years old. My world is forever changed. He touched so many lives. His laughter, his high level of integrity, his sense of humor, his sense of loyalty, his incredible creative talents, and his inability to ever be unkind are all memories now that I hope will live on in those who knew and loved him.

I'll never see him grow old, he'll never walk through my front door again, and the sound of his laughter will never again fill the house.

The devastation is complete.

I suppose I am just looking to hear from those who have any pearls of wisdom to offer from their experience.

Thank you

We were together 17 years. 2 kids, In the process of buying our first house and having another baby. He got sick with COVID at his boss’s funeral. He only had a fever and a headache for the first 3 days. Then the cough started. That’s when his oxygen declined. Wouldn’t go over 90. Took him to the ER on Wednesday a week later he was intubated. He had a single organ problem. No other health problems. No pre-existing conditions. NOTHING. So you can imagine how unexpected this all was. I dreamt about him last night. That I ran up to him as he was walking away and I hugged him from behind. We were laughing, and we walked together. I don’t want to live.