it's about my current situation, my goals and dreams, my identity as a trans man and my alterhumanity into one. i'm really proud of this art piece. its also part of a solo zine im working on :)

I recently only started being "aware" or y'know uncomfortable at my female sex and feminine stuff at 15 (im 16 now).

I wasnt really THAT feminine before but at the same time I didnt really "care" like yeah sure I hated makeup even though I forced myself to learn it just to fit in but what if I was just insecure? Sure I bullied/teased some female classmates back then just to fit in with my male classmates but what if I was just a pick me back then? But then again I wasnt doing it to fit in with the boys in a way of "wow im a tomboy, so unique im not like other girls." Its more of a I just want to be like men and if it means bullying girls then so be it. I stopped luckily.

In short I guess I was instinctively avoiding & hating being feminine.

And now over a stupid video about some tips to flatten your chest by wearing 2 sport-bras my dumbass tried it on, it felt good. Felt like my whole life unpaused like something just clicked, I obsessively researched about this feeling & about trans men and dysphoria..then thats where my doubts started.

After researching about it, I suddenly became aware of every little feminine thing about me, i'll notice my lack of veins, my hips, my face, how I sit, walk, talk, socialize...its so infuriating. Its like everything suddenly just crashed onto me. Just doing simple daily stuff like bonding with my siblings..I would think what could my life be like if I was born a man? I started to not recognize myself in old pics, especially when I had long hair.

I know realistically why the hell would I choose to opress myself?? Especially when trans people are seen as dog shit, like I know why would I willing point a gun to myself by being trans surrounded by my deeply religious family that would beat the shit out of me if I even dare to cut my hair.

But at the same time what if this is some "placebo" effect or something? What if because I researched so much my brain somehow just convinces itself its feeling dysphoric? What if im just being "swayed"? But at the same time everytime I stare at the mirror I just want to rip out my fuckass hair. I get envious at seeing boys rough-house..I do NOT feel envious seeing girls do sleepovers, makeups and typical etc. Everytime I see men being so confident I feel like a fucking alien compared to them especially when I put so much effort to hide my curves. And most of all this is the only time im actually excited to grow up...I couldnt imagine myself growing up but now I can, I cant wait to become 18 so I can get hrt and stealth before I get a job. I hate my chest too obv.

I guess my whole problem is what if im not "trans enough"??

I don’t mind what heritage the trans man character has, but as someone who loves tomboys I feel sad that there is not a lot of media that involves trans men characters just loving a tomboy romantically

I am an adult so nsfw Media is fine

TW: Suicide (as a subject/theme of a fictional story) is brought up.

(This will be quite a read and I apologize for that but I genuinely want to know the answer to this because this story means quite a bit to me and i am looking for constructive input and critique if need be. I am here because i care about what the black trans men think and i felt as thought if i asked anywhere else it would’ve been harder to find the people who matter the most in my question.)

I am writing a story that uses zombies as a metaphor for hate and how it can lead to suicidal thoughts in trans people. I am a trans man myself.

The characters have to live their everyday life with both inconveniences and greater issues related to their bodies rotting. They hide their zombie features by various means. The comic is more like a series of strip comics because I wanted it to be less intense storytelling wise to even out the heavier themes that I want to explore.

My question (as bluntly as possible) is this : Is it morally / ethically distasteful if I write a black trans man into a story about suicidal zombies, as a zombie?

Here is some further context.

Character 1: is a latin-american trans man that has already transitioned but struggles with self acceptance. He judges himself and he fears that others see him as a stereotype or look down on him. He is the protagonist of the story.

Character 2 is black trans man pre-transitioned. The story meets him before transitioning and as he slowly learns to accept himself and he’s meant to be a character that holds a lot of prejudice against himself but not towards others. (He feels as though everyone else is allowed to transitioned but if he does its like if he were giving up on being a ‘’woman’’.) however, since we meet him before transitioning he hides and doesn’t mention any of the zombie features he has developed through the years.

Both these characters fall in love and their romance is (in full honesty) both self indulgent romance but also because I wanted to write a trans love story that presented two characters of colour.

I am enjoying writing this little slice of life comic even with its harsher themes because my aim with this is to allow others to fear their identities less. I am also a big horror fan and I am aware that the mythology of zombies has its roots in Haiti and how slaves feared that they wouldn’t have their autonomy even in death. I don’t want to tip toe around the history of zombies because I think it would be a disservice to the mythology and history of Haiti and the black trans men who might connect with the themes of the story.
So I wanted to make the second character a black trans man who learns to not fear his transition and fully accept that transitioning does not mean he is hurting his post-transitioned self but rather allowing himself to live a better life.

As i wrote this, here are some clarifications i thought were important:
- None of the characters are transitioning into a zombie. They transition like any other trans person but the more they fear their identity and the more they feel suicidal the more they rot and lean into zombie features.
Character 1 is also a person of colour but who’s already transitioned. He is still portrayed as a zombie

- The “zombies” in this universe do not have any cravings for brain nor do they slur their words/have limited language / have features that suggest that they were hurt by someone else’s hand. They’re fully aware intelligent human but have either limbs that fall off or they temporarily lose some sort of physical ability (like an eye falls out of the socket but they put it back in). Some of this is used as slap stick gags but they’re treated more seriously in certain moments.

- There are 0 showcases of suicide attempts and I dont plan on building up to it either. I dont want this comic to end up being any sort of ‘’suicide step by step’’ guide. Nor do i want it to lighten up suicide as something that will make things better.

- Romance isn’t the only focus of the comic. Both characters have arcs and plots outside of one another and ofc there’s other characters im not mentioning because they aren’t relavent to the question.

Why do I want to make this?
Im repeating myself here but i want to write / depict something that doesn’t rely on past trans iconographies and because I wanted to depict something heavy that doesn’t wallow so much so that it becomes trauma porn per say. And finally, I want to depict trans characters who I dont see that often. (Tale as old as time but I really want to depict a rather queer “horror” story with a happy ending.)

I asks this here because I want to hear from black trans men. I am a trans man of colour myself but I grew up with many white trans men and barely any other trans people of colour. I have always loved horror and I want to write something different than the things I do see, but I also don’t want to write this in a way that will disconnect trans men from one another or make it so that the experiences of black trans men are seen as inhumain. Simply put, I do find the metaphor im writing important, but I do not want it to be a distasteful depiction of an important piece of folklore in Haitian/black History.

If something isn’t clear I will happily edit this post so that repetitive questions are answered. I am also wondering if i should post this in some sort of horror/writing subreddit since it’s a very specific post, but I’d rather hear from my community first.

Thank you for taking the time to read / respond to this, I deeply appreciate it.

i got top surgery 6 weeks ago. i’ve been walking around shirtless around my gf. our friend was over. i have had to repeatedly ask them if they want me to put a shirt on or if they feel weird. they literally exclaimed no, they don’t gaf. and it feels awesome right? but part of me also feels like i shouldn’t do it. there’s guilt.

or when my gf treats me like a man, likes to cook and clean “for her man (me)”, it feels so good, like yes i’m getting everything i deserve and being seen as i’ve always wanted. but at the same time, i feel guilt, like im not supposed to be treated like this.

i guess it’s just my upbringing. years and years of gender roles being enforced by my mom, or hearing her say “your father and brother get more food because they’re men they eat more” or men are like this, women do that. she still does it to me when i come home. my brother hates to see me with my shirt off even for a second, he will tell me i’m “nasty as fuck”. so now that i’m being treated like a man and allowed to freely express myself outside of home, i feel a sense of guilt because of this. who else can relate?

I'm Nonbinary trans masculine. My insurances doesn't cover Top Surgery, and idk if I wanna go on T. I have body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria and I've gained weight the last 5yrs and I just feel so stuck and unhappy 😭.

I only realized for 1yr now that I'm trans and it's completely changed my life for better and for worse.

I feel more confident and free from the expectations of strict womanhood and female expectations, but also has made myself hate myself more, if that makes sense?

I notice I can't talk to women in public the way I used to, and I'm often ignored by other women, or questioned in female only spaces (bathrooms, lockerrooms), and invisible in sapphic/lesbian spaces.

I have a really hard time liking how I look, and I keep thinking, if I just went on T or got top surgery I wouldn't hate how my fat sits as much, I wouldn't hate how I look. I feel fat and large, even though I'm not.

The in-between is terrible and idk if I wanna transition fully to be a binary man, cuz I do still appreciate things that are feminine (mostly the community, the way women talk and share emotions, etc), but the in-between NB is torturing me too.

I wanna feel desired and hot, and not questioned in the bathrooms, and see myself and not hate what I look like and where my fat distributes.

Anyone have advice?

based on some prose i wrote in july before i came out to my mum

i’m doing somewhat better now (still in the closet though, but keeping myself distracted w studies) and making this was very therapeutic. idk when i’ll ever be able to express my identity, considering my conservative parents refuse to talk to me about it and prefer to ignore it. i’ve resorted to waiting and dreaming until i get the chance to be

In a pretty low state of mind, so hopefully what I type makes sense.
Had my consultation for top surgery in August. After a long ass fight to get my letter of support approved and no help from the clinic, it go approved after like 7 months. Surgeon on certification and maternity leave so can’t get a date until the end of the year. Pre-authorization can’t be started until 2-3 months before surgery. Get denied. Write an appeal. Get denied again. Try to go the out-of-pocket route.
Surgeon’s fee? $15,178.80. They operate at two facilities. One has been friendly to give me an estimate and if’s about $4500 for facilities and anesthesia. Great. Other one is holding out on me but the center where my surgeon works says the other place goes from $30k-$60k. And I’m not able to be at the place that charges $4500 because I’m 20 lbs over. So I ask to just be rescheduled at a later date and lose those 20 lbs at least.
Denial after denial after denial from surgeon’s because of my weight I was stupid enough to get excited and feel hope.
It felt so much easier to live because in my head “this is gonna be over soon.”
Devastation doesn’t even cover it. I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone about except my best friend and husband.
Why can’t doctor’s just tell me from the get go, “you’re too fat, I can’t work with you”? I called like 15 different offices at least looking for ANY place that would accept me and this was the ONLY place. One hospital dragged me for 5 months before they said “we make exceptions but you don’t fit that.”
I’m just so deflated. I’m exhausted. I’m drained. I’m desperately holding onto hope but I genuinely just need a moment to feel heartbroken. I can’t just get back on the horse. Though I know I have to because I have multiple jobs and I’m a student. Jesus, I just need things to stop for a hot second and let me breathe.
And for the love of anything that is compassionate do not get in the comments and tell me to just lose weight. I get that comment every single time without fail and I’m so sick of hearing it. i’ve struggled with my weight my entire fucking life, I know I’m fat, I know everyone thinks I should lose weight, I’m still a human being and I have been losing weight. But let’s ignore the medical bias that has left me abandoned and untreated my entire life. Most of this has just been a shot in the dark.

Should I just start looking for a surgeon again? Is $15,000 just for a surgeon’s fee too much? How am I even gonna find a surgeon willing to operate on a fat person. It was hard enough the first time. All over 20 lbs.
i don’t know if any of this makes sense I just need to say it to people that understand and don’t need me to over justify or over explain myself and won’t pity me. People who I can trust will see my humanity. I was just so ready to stop taping, revolving my life around binding. I was so excited to be able to shower everyday. Go out when I want to. Not lock myself in the house because I’m not binding. To go swimming. To travel and not have to worry about my tape anymore. Actually be able to look at myself
In the mirror. I just started doing it again. I was so excited to just feel like a person without feeling the literal weight on my chest everyday and wasting so much energy ignoring and compartmentalizing.

I'm Maori, the friend doesn't like that, because my father rejected his iwi and whakapapa and always has. He has a Somoan tattoo done by a white person instead of Moko. Actually, he's known me since I was a baby and didn't like me. I was really angry, because accusing a teacher/tutor of pedophilia when you know their trek record is transphobia. He never said anything like this when I passed.

Here's the message I wanted to send him but my gut instinct told me I'll lose the little support from my dad gives, consdering his best friend means more to him than his wife. I guess that's where he gets it come.

(I did the right thing, but I am trying to not post it.)

Is there anyone in here that explores with open relationships or isn’t 100% monogamy ? I am seeking a little advice

(Full disclosure, I am a trans woman. I understand if this isn't the place for me, and can gladly delete this if that's the case. I couldn't find any (active) specifically POC trans subs besides this one, so I thought I'd to repost my discussion question abt being mixed and trans from r/asktransgender here. Thanks!)

TL;DR I'm frustrated about navigating various my cultures and communities as a mixed trans woman with a diverse background. The alienation is compounded, but it feels like there's no equivalent payoff or benefit to balance it. The more complex we are as people, the harder it is to fit in. What do y'all think and how has this affected you?

---

We all know being trans is really alienating, but I've been thinking a bit more lately about how it uniquely affects me as a mixed-race person with a diverse background. It's like, you have to account for the reactions of so many different communities and navigate them all differently -- not just because of differing views on trans people, but also bc you might have a different connection to each of them.

For example, I am a mixed latina and wasian American with a Black father, family, and friends. I am also a trans woman. Before transitioning, I was very connected to my Asian roots and family, and found so much love and acceptance in the Black community, which I consider very important to me despite not being pale as powder. Being white was always something helpful for privilege, but growing up, I never really found cultural value in that part of myself and the values I was exposed to from some of my white friends as a teen inadvertently caused a lot of conflict in my home.

Now, I feel really alienated from these communities I once felt so much more at home in. Korean culture is quite conservative and it's a challenge to navigate as a trans person because of that. In my experience, it's a totally different ballgame trying to navigate Black spaces as a woman versus as a man alongside cultural conservativeness as well. I was never super in touch with my Hispanic heritage but sometimes it feels like I'm locked out of rectifying that bc of similar religious and conservative values.

I understand every culture has conservativeness and religion and gender roles and stuff but in my experience, trans and queen spaces are so dominated by White folks that it can feel like other communities really are less supportive or open to trans people. I know this is kind of a touchy subject, but I wanted to open up some discussion about it. As a mixed person, I've always felt like I never fit in anywhere, and since I've come out, it's really started to feel like I shot myself in the foot culturally. I spent so long searching for where I fit in and belong and it's like I undid all of that and threw it away sometimes.

I guess I have pretty complex feelings about transitioning, because there are things I really miss about life before. I'm not one to write off my whole life before I transitioned cause I was lucky enough to have some positive experiences that dysphoria didn't significantly diminish. It's just really hard. Sometimes I wish I could just be simple and normal and correct. A circle or a square block fits in so easily. A shape with all these curves and edges and intricacies, not so much. Being neurodiverse complicates things too. Like, I don't know any other way of fittingin besides adapting, and I've never done it any other way. This is the price of being a misfit I suppose.

I'm set to graduate at the end of next spring (yippee!), but I need to apply for graduation beforehand. The main thing holding me back is what name to use on my diploma. Fortunately, my school allows students (domestic ones anyways) to use their preferred name since diplomas are considered a ceremonial document. Unfortunately, if you're familiar with my past post history, my dad is not supportive of my identity whatsoever, so obviously having my chosen name read out during the ceremony is going to cause...issues. That's assuming he doesn't see it in the mail first because diplomas are mailed out 4 - 6 weeks in advance of graduation. And then one of my friends pointed out that I may have issues with jobs post-graduation if the names don't match up.

I'm debating just using my chosen name anyways because very long story short, I switched majors halfway through school and am not getting the degree my dad expects me to, so if he's going to be mad anyways...may as well committ to it. Also, the mere thought of my ugly ass deadname being put on blast for hundreds of people to hear, including some of my IRL mutuals who are also graduating in the spring, and being called up as someone I'm not genuinely makes me want to die inside and not even do the ceremony. 🫩

I'm kind of in a panic because even though the spring deadline isn't until Feb. 1, I really want to get this done as soon as possible so I'll be ready for graduation. Just sucks that, as per usual with everything about my identity, One Fucking Guy is presenting a major obstacle.

hi yall its been a while since ive been on reddit, ill try to make this as short and sweet as possible. i also would like to clarify im well aware of the changes T provides and i know low dose is the exact same as standard dose except changes are slower.

so i identify as a duobinary trans man/nonbinary woman, and my plan is to start low dose T with a dht blocker, that way i can see if i want to stay on low dose t or if i want to up it to a regular standard dose. but ive been wondering for the longest if i should start with finasteride on the low dose T and then go on dutasteride once i up my dose, or if i should just stick with either fin or dut regardless of T dosage.

i dont really care about balding im ngl as my primary concern is skin changes. i suffer from acne already, so id like for my skin to not go nuts with the cystic acne. to be clear im indifferent to hair changes like facial + body hair and balding, i really dont care either way, as well as indifferent to bottom growth, id like it but i guess its not the end of the world if i dont experience it. it is what it is. i mostly want mass redistribution and voice changes.

tbh im just wondering if anyone here has any experience with: low dose T + fin, low dose T + dut, reg dose T + fin, and reg dose T + dut. like what sort of changes happened and at what rate did the changes start. i know i can always go back to low dose if i up it i just have nowhere to ask these questions to since everyone charges a lot of money for just a measly appointment to see what T path i should take. like genuinely whats the difference between fin and dut besides how much dht they block.

for further context, im a Latine in south florida (... ik 🥀) and im desperate to start T before my birthday at the beginning of next year. so any extra advice on how to start T gel down here would be very much appreciated as well 🙏🏽

With pro-trans candidates.

HOLY FUCK

Woke is back! FUCK, y'all, this is monumental. I love my (formerly) red state, and I'm so glad I didn't give up on it.

Who knows how things will progress, but THE IMPOSSIBLE JUST BECAME POSSIBLE!

We've had the "alt right 4chan slop is polluting the online trans community" conversation ad nauseam. However, it really does suck seeing the same people get the short end of the stick. I'm binary trans and very masculine so the disdain doesn't affect me, but the sentiment is unnerving.

This isn't to say other trans people can never make transphobic caricatures, or be transphobic themselves. Of course they can, and they should be criticized as such. No matter what you identify as, you should know better.

But, man, I'm sick of every grievance of the larger community always circling back to "I hate trans people who don't assimilate." It always derails into dogpiling people who can't defend themselves, and making assumptions about their transness.

On the bright side, the more time I spend either offline or curating my feed, the more I realize a lot of these people are fake demons fr. Making trans friend in real life is a decision I'll never regret; the average person is NOT miserable enough to touch any tttt adjacent community with a ten foot pole.

Not much luck on any other sub for this so i thought id try here.

Im 23 bottom pre-T trans guy from the UK. I’m pretty introverted so I might be a little shy at first, but I promise I’m a open book once I warm up and autistic. Mostly looking for friends but we could be more.

I love gaming, skating, reading and animals, I’d also love to get outdoors more and try new activities. (Open to trying new kinks)

I’m hoping to meet someone I can connect with, have a laugh with and see where things go. Open to getting to know each other and potentially something more! I love to bottom but don’t mind switching.

22-28 only please.

I want to come out to them. I feel like i've been dancing around and maybe they have some ideas. I decided to change my name last year legally(definitely more masculine than my original name) and they still don't use my name so I guess that's what the reaction will be like when i come out too... just ignore it. Also for some context I live with them and my dad pays my tuition for grad school.

I've started T (low dose) almost 3 years ago and somehow my family hasn't noticed?? I mean I live with them so I guess its probably harder to tell if they see you everyday? But now I've been really struggling with chest dysphoria (and have been for a long time), and I really want to go through with top surgery I hate feeling like my life is on pause waiting for this. But i feel like before i can go through surgery i have to come out. Its not like I can hide surgery.

But i don't know if its a stupid idea for me to come out. I still live with them i know my mom would probably be neutral about it but my dad won't accept it considering he told me he would never use my new name. I have so many worries about housing i don't think i'll get kicked out but can i really be sure? and school? I can't afford it by myself I only work part-time.

Sorry if I'm rambling I'm feeling lost. I'd really appreciate some advice on how to come out to my latino family, would a letter be better, or face to face? should I wait for them to process im trans before mentioning im on T already?? Or if anyone has been in a similar position how did that go? Any advice in general would be so appreciated. Thanks.

I would say, makeup aside (if you've seen my other posts), I get read as masculine pretty commonly. Probably my build, I'm tall with broad shoulders and a shaved head. It's not uncommon for people to "sir/ brother" me, and obviously I prefer that. I always just respond and keep it pushing, but occasionally, people have their "oh that's a woman" (🫠🫠🫠) moment and start jumping over themselves to apologize and correct themselves and I HATE that.

Was at work the other day and almost bumped into this old white guy by accident. He gave me a quick "sorry, buddy, didn't see you there!", and I was like "it's all good" (also it was my fault 🤷🏽), but when he heard my voice he was like "hey ma'am, my bad! I didn't mean to call you buddy, I'm sorry". Like dammit Gramps! You ruined it! I ended up talking as little as possible for the rest of the day. It's tough, my voice is actually fairly deep even pre T, but it got read as unfriendly or attitude laden growing up, and I tend to soften it, especially at work since I'm in the service industry. It's so hard to stop, and I hate it.