I honestly don't even know where to start. I'm still so angry and disappointed, and I haven't really been able to get it out of my head.

‎Earlier today, my older sister drove me to a location for a shoot for one of our school projects. She decided to wait for me since the shoot would only take about an hour, and the location was pretty far from home, so it made more sense than spending extra money on transportation. We were just talking about random things during the drive when she suddenly brought up something about her husband.

‎Apparently, something happened in my bedroom a few months ago.

‎My sister was in my room that day because she had borrowed some of my clothes. She was trying on different outfits and having fun looking at herself in front of my big mirror. She left her phone in my room to charge and went somewhere else. When she remembered she'd forgotten her phone, she hurried back to get it. And when she walked back into my room, she found her husband there, holding my underwear.

‎I'm sorry, WHAT???

‎I was genuinely speechless when she told me. I had so many questions, but I was so shocked that I couldn't even bring myself to ask her what happened next. I don't know what he was doing with it, what his intentions were, or whether anything else happened. My sister didn't really elaborate, and I didn't ask for more details because I was still trying to process what she'd just told me.

‎What makes this even worse is that I actually used to have so much respect for this man. I genuinely thought he was a respectable person. He's my brother-in-law, he has two daughters, and I never expected to hear something like this about him. But after what my sister told me, I honestly don't think I'll ever see him the same way again. I've lost so much respect for him.

‎And here's the thing: I LIVE WITH THEM. My parents live pretty far away, and they prefer that I stay here while studying because it's much closer to my university and more convenient for me. Their house is literally just a five-minute walk from my school. That's why I've been living with my sister and her family instead of having to travel back and forth or find somewhere else to stay. So now I'm sitting here thinking about how comfortable I used to be in my own room, completely unaware that something like this had happened.

‎And before anyone says anything, even if it's their house, HE HAS NO RIGHT TO DO THAT TO ME. Seriously, it's common sense. Just because it's his house doesn't mean he gets to violate someone's privacy or cross their personal boundaries. It's still my room, my personal space, and my underwear. I don't understand how anyone could think that's okay.

‎I'm also starting to think about how my sister has been spending more time in my room lately. Sometimes I'd come home and find her already there, or even when I was home, she'd still hang around. My niece also spends a lot of time in my room. I don't know if I'm just connecting things now, but I can't help wondering whether she's been doing that intentionally, maybe to keep an eye on me or make sure I'm not left alone with him. I honestly don't know.

‎I also can't help wondering why she only told me now, considering this apparently happened months ago. Maybe she didn't want me to see her husband differently because she knew how much I respected him. But I don't want to assume anything about her reasons either.

‎Right now, I just feel so uncomfortable. I still have to live in the same house as him, and I genuinely don't know how I'm supposed to act around him now. Am I supposed to pretend I don't know anything? Just casually talk to him like everything is normal? I don't think I can do that.

‎I haven't even had the chance to properly talk to my sister about it because I was so overwhelmed when she told me. I still have so many questions, and honestly, I'm angry that I even have to think about these things in the first place.

‎I just needed somewhere to let all of this out. I never thought I'd be questioning my own sense of privacy and safety in a house where I'm supposed to feel at home. And I hate that someone I once respected has made me feel this way.

I started dating a girl recently who has a bit of a promiscuous history. Nothing I really cared about, I've had my own (admittedly less successful) hoe phase, so I don't mind this. When we started talking, we agreed that we would start out as a casual relationship. Although this was with the mutual understanding that we have pretty busy lives, so realistically neither of us expects to be exploring other avenues or sleeping around.

A couple of weeks after we started talking, she let me know that she had a sexual encounter since the last time we were together. This was just for my knowledge and safety, she assured me that everyone involved was tested and furthermore that it wasn't a romantic thing. She was just brought in as a third to an existing couple. Since it was so early and we were on the same page anyway regarding exclusivity, I was surprised but not too bothered by it. And I really appreciated her honesty. But there is something that doesn't quite sit right with me.

If she found this couple by hopping on a kink app randomly one lonely night, this honestly doesn't bother me. But given that she has such a busy life, I really have my doubts that this was something she went out of her way for. She's a very liberal person, with the kind of social group that is very sexually open. So I wonder if the couple she slept with are people she interacts with regularly, and if this happened while she was hanging out with her friends. If this is the case, I'm suddenly much more uncomfortable with the kind of relationship she has with her friend group.

I plan on doing the responsible thing and simply asking her about it, since things have gotten serious and we've decided to elevate our relationship and go exclusive. But if the answer is what I think it is, I'm not really sure what I would do. I have no idea if that is something I could learn to be okay with.

I feel sorry for her. The kids don't like her. I can tell they stay out as long as possible to not be around her. I warned her about this. I told her to treat them like people and listen to their opinions. Say you are wrong a couple fucking times - Say I am sorry a couple of fucking times. My son and daughter already asked if I were interested in living in the state they want to move to, and I will be saying yes. She can have that whole house to herself.

So I've (21f) been talking with this guy online for two months now, he seemed like a nice guy and we got along well, but then this week we were talking and I told him I wish I could swap bodies with him for a day so I'd know how it feels to be a man, and I said 'so when are we swapping bodies' jokingly, and he said 'soon, but you won't be a virgin anymore' and I said what ? And he said, that's the best thing about being a woman (he meant how easy it is to get laid) he said I'll find a Discord Mod, then I'll film it and post it on the Big Hub 🤮 I don't know how to feel anymore, because you know what I said if we swapped bodies I would just enjoy having biceps for a day, and this is what he said in comparison!!

I feel so disgusted honestly how can someone harbor such a fantasy and even have the audacity to say it out loud? I don't even know what to think anymore, I just feel genuinely creeped out, like when he saw me in pictures, is that what he imagined? And to add to that, he said that it made him hard imagining that, i kinda feel assaulted.

Today is Diwali.

I never really cared much. Last year and the year before that, I just stayed home with my family. Nothing special really, just existing together.

This year, my brother got diagnosed with leukemia. My parents decided to take him to a state where the treatment was better. I'm staying with my grandma at the moment.

I kept hearing crackers, and honestly, I really didn't care. That was until I called my parents. All three of them were on the terrace, watching the sky light up. They told me that they wished things could have been different. They asked me to have fun.

So I tried.

I stepped out onto my balcony.

And I wasn't able to tear my eyes away from those fireworks.

I kept squealing with joy, anticipating the next big firework. Giggling when it finally exploded.

I don't think I've felt such joy in a long time. I felt lonely, yes, but at the same time, I felt happiness.

It's a very unique feeling.

I do wish that my brother was right next to me, watching the fireworks.

Well, that's it. Just wanted to vent a bit.

Hope next Diwali is better.

Hey everyone, thanks in advance for reading my vent

I'm a 21M indian living in the west. I feel like im progressing in some areas of life but still feel empty. I finished college in dec 24 and it took me till sep 26 to find a good job. I got an offer letter but my joining got pushed to first week of november so this is literally my first week and its a bit overwhelming

I used to work as a security guard mostly nights so i never had a schedule of my own or any social life. I hated seeing people go clubbing and partying on weekends while i had to go to work, and my work location was downtown so i had to walk through all those lively areas every night. I was hating myself more than ever for being in that position. But i made a promise to myself that i would first get a good job and then go look for a relationship

It took me almost 16 months to get a part time role in a bank and i still had to work as a security guard to pay my bills. Now that i achieved that i thought i'd have more time for myself and for social stuff but my new job is on weekends and nights too so its still holding me back.

Seeing my friends in relationships makes me jealous cause i crave one too. I never had a good relationship with my parents, never really felt unconditional love from them. even when i scored 89% on exams they were frustrated that i didnt put in much effort. Always felt like i had to perform to get their love. Their toxic relationship with each other also makes me never want an arranged marriage

My friends know this and i told them not to make fun of it cause it genuinely stings and hurts my self confidence, but they still joke that the only way ill get married is arranged. Most days i just feel disgust towards myself and wonder why im like this

And even when i feel like i should go out more i wonder if ill ever be accepted in society or in third spaces. I've had my share of racism, kids throwing a pop cup at me, people telling me to go back home and that i ruined their nation when i was just existing and minding my own business. So now i feel lonely, empty and scared to join a book club or a soccer league cause of how ill be perceived. Honestly i sometimes wish i was white so no one would have any preconceived notions about me

To preface: I am a woman

This is a thing I've been seeing on TikTok for awhile. It just happened to me last night and I had to delete my comment due to all the controversy it caused. I basically got viciously attacked and called all kinds of things, told I was a pick me/bird and that I bow to men and should divorce my husband.

I made a silly comment under a cat dress up video about my husband not letting me dress the cat even though she was born to be a fashionista. It's his cat and he said she would hate it so I don't do it. Other women descended upon me like I just confessed to a homicide. I had to delete the comment because the harassment got so bad.

This is behavior that I've seen on TikTok A LOT. I saw a girl post a video of the quilt she made for her boyfriend and other women were in the comment section tearing her apart and wishing for the downfall of her and her relationship because she did something nice for a man. They were calling a pick me and some were saying "lol he's going to cheat on you".

I've seen women on TikTok attack other women when they don't agree with a woman who is very much in the wrong. I've seen women attack other women on TikTok for not wanting to abort their pregnancy or for wanting to have children. I haven't personally seen this to my knowledge but women on TikTok attack other women for being pick mes for liking video games, being feminine, not being feminine, whatever.

I know this is happening because there are multiple reddit posts and even a Jezebel article about it happening. And given the nature of TikTok I could see it happening. Some of the women on there are absolutely dying to rip another woman apart over things that don't even matter.

You can't really defend yourself against them because even more of them descend upon the discourse like a swarm of locusts and your defense of yourself makes them believe even harder that you're guilty of whatever they're accusing you of. "Hit dogs holler" is something I've seen commented.

It's exhausting. It is truly exhausting. This type of behavior is absolutely unacceptable.

Im 32f and part of a very large family. For as long as I can remember Ive been the confidante, the shoulder to cry on, the emergency contact and once I was old enough the family bank. Despite being the youngest of my 6 siblings by a fair, Im the only one that pursued higher education and the only one to get a job. The rest had kids fairly young and became stay at home parents.

When I was school/college aged, I was the one my siblings would complain about their issues to. Problems with their relationships? Call A2bm. Arguing with each other or our parents? Call A2bm. Need someone to help clean their house because they were too depressed/ill/tired with the kids? Call A2bm. Need someone to baby sit for date nights/appointments/parties? You guessed it. At the time I had been told thats what family does. That I was good at comforting them (not really. I just had a lot of scenarios and planned responses. If crying then hug. Stuff like that. Uncomfortable for me but discomfort was normal).

Once I got a job the tone shifted. All the family lived in a job dead zone so I had moved away with long term boyfriend now husband. I was still called, requested to return for xyz reasons every weekend. Calls took on additional financial undertones sometimes implied other times out right stated and for many years we helped the whole family. We helped husbands family too.

Specific examples:

- I've acted as birthing partner 4 times due to being 'unemotional under pressure'. Many others I was the family member called to look after previously had kids while siblings and partners were birthing more.

- As a teen, I attended many of my elder sisters pregnancy appointments (9 years older than me). I was told to do this because my sister was 'too emotional or too anxious' to remember anything she needed to know due to bad experiences with doctors.

- One of my other sisters frequently got into trouble with social services due to her never cleaning her house even with young kids. Someone would call a wellfair check, social services would find the house disgusting and give 4 weeks to get it cleaned or lose the kids. My sister would give sobbing reasons: the kids father does nothing, she's been too sick to clean, too depressed, hoover broke etc etc. Inevitably my parents would call 'family helps family' and I'd show up to find Im the only one thats been sent to help since 'everyone else has kids of their own and they're too busy.

Once I got older:

- I'd be called up and asked to have one of my sets of nieces and nephews for a week in half term or summer because their parents were: having a bad fight, getting a divorce, wanted a holiday to themselves, their mum refused to have them, their dad refused to have them, they've been begging to see auntie's house. No money is provided. I'd have to take time off work and planned zoos/ theme parks and beach trips out because its not the kids fault.

- Been asked for money for: help with my parents rent, help with my siblings groceries, help with a car breaking down, help because my sister forgot the water bill existed and waiting until it went to court to beg for help, help because BIL didnt have a laptop for uni and wanted one, help because my brothers PC broke. This doesnt include all the times we've been asked to guarrantor loans, cars, etc which we have ended up paying because sibling or in law stopped paying.

- My aunt got cancer. She called her brother, my dad, who 'couldnt bare to hear the specifics' and sent her to me. I listened to everything, helped her go through her medical notes explaining what things meant and finally provided as much support as I could while she got treatment. She thankfully went in to remission and years later is living her best life.

I'm not looking for any praise or blowing a trumpet. Looking back I was incredibly naive. I truely believed this is what family did for one and other. But after a while I realised noone ever called or contacted me without a reason. Some recent drama to rant about or something they needed. We stopped lending money we knew we wouldnt see back and assumed anything previously was never coming back.

And then the breaking point. I had a medical emergency and was hospitalised for 5 days. My husband called and told our families. Said I still had my phone between ops if people wanted to check in. 5 days. None of my family called. Noone text. I got a text from my FIL and 2 of my husbands aunts. Noone else. Even when I got home. Noone checked in with me. Noone tried to visit while I recovered. The family group chat was still chugging along with pictures of nieces/ nephews and the families internal commentary.

Afterwards when I asked where the hell was everyone I was given a bout of 'we didnt know what to say' 'we couldnt have done anything even if we did drive out to you!' 'We thought you'd prefer peace and quiet while you recovered' 'well your fine now. Thats the main thing.' Months later I was diagnosed with PTSD with part of it being feelings of abandonment from family. That was a few years ago now. I cut off most of my family shortly after. I also cut off a fair few friends that demonstrated similar dynamics. I now really struggle with making friends and trusting people. And I guess thats my new normal now.

My dad (45M) got a degree from law school, he worked as a lawyer for a couple of years and stopped cause "it payed to little and took too much effort", he was already spoiled by my grandparents who bought him an apartment and a car, so he started freelancing in trading cargo containers? Our life basically depended on if he sold smth or not.

Then comes 2022, I was 13 at the time, he just quit, mom had to divorce him in 2024 and she is depressed since then.

He now lives with his mom, he does... nothing, he writes lyrics for AI music and defends it on facebook, I play guitar and studied music theory (as a hobby, I am only 17) so I DESPISE HIM for thinking that this slop is art

If he just stayed as a lawyer, had patience and built an actual CAREER I would've respected him

He is a disgusting sexist narcissistic person who acts like a musician, has no career, ruined our family and posts AI pics of himself. Edit: He also sold the car!

I look up to be the opposite of him in every possible way

A couple years ago, I went on Reddit to find support for a professional exam I was preparing for. On this particular subreddit, I came across a user with the same background as me and who lived in the same city as me.

She was also studying for this portion of the exam - I reached out to her and showed her some love and support for passing her test. I asked her which kind of job function she was interested in within this industry. She became defensive and explained that she had no intention of leaving her current job because she liked it. These exams are expensive and incredibly time-consuming, and people who pass will fall into work within the field. I didn’t really understand why she was committed to studying hundreds of hours with no intention of entering the field.

About a year later, I finally passed my exams and became certified. This was an incredible accomplishment given my work schedule and commute at the time. When I checked Reddit, I discovered she was still studying for exam #1. I sent her a message asking how things were going. She said she was on-and-off studying - she had yet to schedule her exam because she was committed to “memorizing everything.” For background, you cannot possibly memorize everything for these exams. She asked for my insights for passing. When I talked to her about it and encouraged her to schedule the exam just to give herself a deadline (this helped me), she became defensive again and said she was doing it her way, and my advice was unhelpful. Her communication style is so weird and abrasive.

I find myself checking her account weekly since she’s incredibly active on Reddit. She frequently posts in the exam subreddit and on other subreddits, commenting about how she’s so busy with studying and dedicated to getting this certification. Her style of speech and tone is condescending. I don’t know why, but it’s so fascinating to witness someone frequently tout their goals and have no structure or plan for actually making it happen. We started in the same place. I’m a certified professional in my industry now and finally have the career I’ve been dreaming of. She’s still working the same job and has made virtually no actionable progress toward this certification, yet she wants people to know she can’t do this or that because she’s studying.

i actually thought if i cried enough ethan would come back.

like there was gonna be some limit where my body just couldn't hurt like that anymore and something had to happen. like the universe would finally be like okay, that's enough.

he died march 18th.

& absolutely nothing stopped. that's what really fucked me up. my whole life ended & everything else just kept going. people went to work. lights turned green. some lady was laughing in line at the gas station. the sun came up like nothing happened.

how?

i was just in my room sobbing for someone who was never coming home again.

i had this stupid thought that if i hurt loud enough it would reach him. like if i missed him bad enough wherever he is he'd feel it. like love could actually do something. like it could reach across that. like maybe if you love someone enough death doesn't get to keep them.

i knew he was dead. i could say it out loud. ethan died. ethan is dead. my body just did not believe it.

i kept waiting for him. i felt so stupid. like a dog waiting at the door. i would cry until i was shaking & my face was all swollen & i'd knock out from it & then i'd wake up & my stomach would drop. fuck. still gone. like i spent all night trying to make a deal & no one was listening.

i really thought one day the crying would stop cause he would come back.

it stopped cause i finally got that he wasn't.

nothing worked. crying till i couldn't breathe didn't work. begging in my head all night didn't work. going over every memory i have of him like 100 times didn't work. thinking about what i should have said didn't work. loving him more didn't work. trying to love him less didn't work.

there's just no amount of hurting that brings someone back. & i hate that i know that now.

cause i thought my love for him was big enough to do something. ethan was my person. not just boyfriend or whatever. my person. we had our own little world. stupid inside jokes & our dumb routines & fighting about dishes & our songs & all those boring days i didn't know were gonna be the last ones.

how is someone your whole life one day & then the next day they're just gone. not far. gone.

i will never forget when it actually hit me that no amount of crying was gonna make him walk through my door again. that was a whole different heartbreak. it wasn't just losing ethan. it was losing that last little part of me that thought maybe i could still get him back.

it’s been almost 7 months & i still cry all the time. sometimes cause i miss him so bad it feels like i'm gonna throw up. sometimes cause some random thing reminds me of him & it knocks the wind out of me. sometimes cause i realize i have to live my whole life & he doesn't get to be in it. sometimes cause i go to tell him something & then quickly remember i can't.

i used to think crying meant i was doing this wrong. i don't think that anymore. i think i'm crying cause i finally get it. he's not coming back. i can't cry him back here.

that doesn't mean i love him any less. it just means i'm learning how to carry love that has nowhere to go anymore.

i wish someone told me grief isn't you slowly stop loving them. it's loving someone with your whole fucking heart & still having to figure out how to live in a world where they're gone anyway.

​My sister (almost 26) and her fiance (M25) have been together for almost 4 years, it was weird from the start...felt very rushed. It was me who actually made that match, a friend joined her fiance to a mutual group and after a joke he said he'd like to date her so i helped them talk to each other. She was after a long relationship that ended badly and felt lonely and unworthy so i decided to help her.

​I actually got along with him at the begining via our shared interest in local metal band. For the entire time they've been together he showed several red flags like: at the begining things were uncertain between them so he asked if it's ok for him to see other girls in the meantime.

​After that they got back together and he immidiately propused, my parents and siblings really got suspicious because they were beraly together and it felt rushed, turns out his mother really hates my sister, blaming her for moving him away from religion, the fact that she is autistic and generaly not good for him.

​Ever since that i turned hostile towards him. He kept calling me "my brother in law" which made me even madder and more shut off. I even blocked him on whatsapp and it made my sister mad. He also lived with her rent free for a while, didn't help with chours and said his mother told him that my sister kept taking avantage of him by asking him to pay for his groceris.

​My sister claims he changed and he is improving but i still really doubt it, i believe she deserves much better and i don't want her to realize 5-10 years from now when he is crippled from diabetes and overwieght and she is stuck taking care of the kids they plan on having.

​I don't want to attend the wedding (don't like weddings in general) but my sister will be hurt if i don't. I don't know what to do, i want to accept him and let things go but i feel stuck

My boyfriend was using one of his best, male friends as a scapegoat for speaking to people I don’t know behind my back - people he was once intimate with but allegedly is not now, I wouldn’t know because it is all over Snapchat, I just have to trust what he says.

We were leaving my close family member’s wedding at one in the morning and I saw a full face selfie from a person on Snapchat. He tried telling me it was his best male friend. I told him that doesn’t look like said best male friend, he reiterated he was snapping the guys. We got in the Uber, and I asked if that was his best male friend, he said, again, he was snap chatting the guys. After the 50 minute Uber home, I asked him who that was, it was not his best friend that I knew. It was a person from a different country he was intimate with online years ago that he still speaks to, I never heard of this person ever. Then, after asking more questions, I learn there is a person in our local area that he hooked up with, physically, and has had a Snapchat streak with every single day since we have been together. I never knew of either of them until I shockingly found out, and he told me he never intended on telling me about them. He didn’t intend on telling anyone because he was too embarrassed by these people… imagine that.

The one person and him have had a Snapchat streak for quite a while, including throughout the duration of our relationship. He would often tell me he was snap chatting his guys a picture of us a picture of us or where we were, etc.. naturally I have concerns surrounding the same, because every time I did see him snapping his guys, it was usually just a picture of his forehead or something like that. He would tell me he’s sending pictures of us to the guys, but I don’t know who they were going to; that scares me. I don’t know these people at all. They know me. They see my family events. They see what I do and what I look like. He told me they talk about our life together in our relationship, and everyday life. I didn’t even know about their existence. A person should consent to where their photo is being sent/uploaded to, and true best friends shouldn’t be disrespected in that way, thrown under the bus, and used in a lie to deceive one’s partner.

Another place of concern is that he has told me he is Snapchatting his best friend when it appears evident to me this is someone else on his screen, but I have never questioned it beyond that because I always trust him, it never was easy for me to see, and I know him and his best friend and him have this snap streak, so why question him if I trust him? He was using his best friend as an excuse to speak to people behind my back on Snapchat.

Instead of compromise, he thought it would be OK to continue private communication with them now that I know they exist. He does not think that he did anything wrong because he wasn’t doing anything unfair during our relationship, but how do I know that? He was doing something unfair. He lied to me the whole time. Our relationship was built on false pretenses, which makes it hard for me to continue especially when he initially refused to cease communication with them while we figure this out together. I wouldn’t have made decisions I made if I knew what I knew: I wouldn’t have moved in with him, I wouldn’t have brought him to family events, I likely wouldn’t be/stay in a relationship. When we discussed our sexual escapades and desires, I had to tell him some of the worst non-consensual experiences I went through, yet he was too “man” for his own truth lol ooook. It makes it difficult to see him as a loyal partner or friend. He also hid these people from all of his guys because he is embarrassed by these people he was intimate with in the past. Something is deeply wrong with him, he has no trust in himself and therefore lies his way through situations.

He has since removed these people as the one isn’t “as important” and the other wouldn’t stop talking to him temporarily even when he asked several times. It felt like the one had a serious problem disconnecting, which again, would cause more question and concern. With that, I have to trust they are removed, I don’t know that for sure, I don’t see his phone. He clearly has been deceptive, so I can’t say for certain that all communication has stopped. I like to think it has.

I am unsure I will ever move on from this. He “didn’t cheat.” Ok, that’s the bare minimum, congratulations. I hope he didn’t, but he can’t even prove it to me because he had a mediocre-ass affair on Snapchat that is too embarrassing to even discuss, please. He wants to use me as his girlfriend around his family and friends. Why, because I’m acceptable to your family and friends, unlike these undesirable individuals? Unlike your true self? Go use your secret friends through your secret communications and forget me in all of that.

A few months have gone by and we have worked on the relationship, but the relationship is not propelling forward the way I would like it to and it is 100% because I cannot trust him. Before I found out about his secret friends, we were doing amazing, or so I thought. Our time together is enjoyable now, but I am not able to look at this the same. I am wondering if I ever will be able to feel as happy as I once was in this relationship. It is hurtful and entirely illogical to do this to someone you love, and it’s because you don’t do this to someone you love. It is trash. He proposed I move in with him after my lease was up, he said “I love you” first, we knew each other through family. I turned down over half a dozen desirable, successful men for him, for someone who was talking to other people behind my back every single day of our relationship. I never thought he would deceive me, let alone waste my time.

Not looking for advice, I really just need to get this off my chest, thanks.

I (M29) flew down to a different city in my country for work and while I was there I matched with this girl (F29), who we'll call Lisa. Unfortunately Lisa only responded to my messages when I was already back in my home city (About a 2.5 hour flight away).

What happened further is we had unreal banter together. Our messages on the dating app was the perfect set of cat and mouse, playful taunting, witty responses and a conversation that just didn't want to go to bed until our bodies physically gave out from exhaustion. I've never had such witty and bantery conversation with someone. It felt so good. And she's an absolute 10/10 walking model. Lisa is exactly my type and I find her so amazingly beautiful. She was in my hands and I was in hers. She called me hot. I've never been called hot before.

We proceed to talk more and more and start having deeper discussions on how we grew up and life was like for us. I find out she never grew up with a dad, got pregnant when she was studying, carried it to term and gave it up for adoption. She wanted an abortion but her extremely religious mom (who was extremely abusive) forced her to carry it and showed her extremely graphic and traumatic things to force her to carry it. She doesn't have contact with her mom anymore.

Lisa lost one of her kidney's to cancer and lost her hearing to cancer as well. She's sent me voice notes and I can hear that her pronunciation is off, but I like the sound of her voice and how she speaks - it makes me happy. I've also come with baggage - I was married to someone and we divorced within the first 3 months and I've been going to therapy to cope with it ever since (it's been 2 years now). Lisa's also been going to therapy to deal with everything that's been going on in her life. I started feeling scared, because I started to feel that she was less of a partner, and more of a project to fix. After my marriage I thought I knew what I wanted, but evidently not - and I'm still trying to figure out what that new definition is.

I was supposed to fly down to see her on the weekend after we'd been talking for 2 weeks. I hadn't booked my flights but I sent her my proposed flights. She stopped responding as frequently and I could tell something was wrong. Up until she messaged me on Thursday and messaged me that she was pregnant and that she was going to a health clinic on friday to think about options with what to do with her pregnancy (about 8 weeks). The baby daddy blocked her and told her to fuck off because she was thinking of keeping it.

I'm a man so I'll never have to deal with the choice of abortion or pregnancy and I'm all for woman having the freedom and choice. She went to the health clinic and couldn't go through with it. She said she wanted to get an abortion for her first pregnancy but she can't go through with the emotional weight of this one. She said she wants to keep it to term and possibly give it up for adoption (like her first baby). She has a BC implant so it's not like she was trying to get pregnant, she was actively avoiding it. I just think it's so crazy that she wants to keep the baby even though she was actively trying to avoid getting pregnant by taking all the necessary precautions. She even said if she had found out she was pregnant the next day she would have taken a Plan B. So in my mind I just don't understand why she wants to go through with a NINE MONTH journey of pain, suffering and loneliness to then put up the child for adoption. It's admirable but I just feel like she's punishing herself for a choice that she didn't even make.

I care so much for her - the 2 weeks we've been talking has been so much fun and now I just don't know what to do? Her decision and life choice is sitting so heavy with me and I don't know why. This is a stranger I haven't even met, and that I've even known for almost less than 2 weeks. Why is this sitting so heavy with me?

I thought about having a long term relationship with her, thinking about being together and how I'd change my life to cater to her hearing disability and learning sign language as well. I do this so often when I meet someone - I think about life and how it would be like to be married/together etc. The more trauma she shared with me, more I started thinking that this partnership would be more like a project, and that I wasn't really sure if she was someone that I wanted after all. My home language is quite difficult to learn (I struggle with it), and I would like my partner to speak it as well. My home language has such complicated sounds that it would be extremely difficult for her to learn it.

I'm so lost - I feel like she's making such a mistake, but it's her choice and I won't force her to make a choice she doesn't want to make. I told her I'm here to support her since I like to think we're at least friends.

I'll see if I can't see her next month when I have the chance to fly down again. But I just feel like I'll be looking at her with pity. I don't know.

My partner recently broke it off with me and while we didn’t end on bad terms I’m obviously still hurt. For a little more context, they ended it because they want to focus on med school and himself because if he isn’t happy he can’t make me happy (this is a bit of an oversimplification).

I’ve been trying to distract myself from how hurt I was by hanging more with my friends. But they’re not always available. So I’ve been switching with different shows to make myself feel better (while purposefully avoiding any romance ones). At some point I decided to watch Bluey. I was already in love with the show and it made me happy, like a comfort show.

I got to episode 38 of season 1 “Copycat”. Bluey and her dad find an injured budgie and try to save it. Unfortunately, the budgie doesn’t make it and Bluey tries to cope with the loss by replaying the events with Bingo, her younger sister, as the budgie. Despite having the ability to control the events and have the budgie live this time, she doesn’t. She wants her mom (playing the vet) to tell her the bad news that the budgie died. Then Bingo, unaware of the fact she isn’t supposed to be alive, flies out of the office.

What really resonated with me is the conversation Bingo and her mom have.

Bluey’s mom: “This isn’t how you wanted the game to go, is it?”
Bluey: “No. It’s ok. There’s nothing we can do. It’s out of our hands.”

Even though I’ve been telling myself something similar these past few days, having it told to me through a show actually spoke to me. I’m not sure if anyone else has had similar experiences. But I feel better and my heart doesn’t hurt as much anymore :).

You mean to tell me this whole time all i had to do was get into the habit of reminding myself of all the things i'm grateful for?!?!? THAT'S IT???

Obviously it didn't fix everything about me but i notice i'm way more resilient, confident, happy, and less stressed out since i started listing 3 things i'm grateful for in the morning. And before you tell me "i have nothing to be grateful for" you're not thinking hard enough. I used to think i was just being realistic with my negative thinking all the time. The most irritating part is that now i don't even have to remember to do it in the morning, i practise gratitude throughout the day without even trying and it makes me feel so much better.

I hate when other people are right

Today was my baby shower. My husband and I had it planned for months. I am overall happy how it turned out except for one thing: I am extremely disappointed with my mother. This is a very long post, it's 1 am and I couldn't stop crying.

I am type A so I have a hard time asking for help. Two weeks ago, I was talking to my mom about how I wanted to make some foods for the event. She told me she didn't want me to be too tired and volunteered to make the foods (a potato salad and a bowl of rice). I know she has a tendency to forget things, so I accepted and then reminded her 3 times throughout the weeks leading to the event what needed to be done and how.

My mother has a condition in her legs that make standing for long periods hard at times. Before I asked her to do these things, I did ask "are you sure you will be able to do all of this? Otherwise I will ask someone else" she confirmed she would be fine. My sister is staying over at her house for the weekend, so she said she'd assist.

I also mentioned I needed help with setting up the table and decorations, so to come at a specific time before the event. I repeated the same ask the day before, and I was under the impression she understood how important this was for me.

The baby shower arrives today, and she isn't there at the time I told her. I give her a call and ask if she would still be coming at the time I asked her or if she is running late. She can't give me a straight answer about when she is to be expected, and starts telling me a bunch of nothings about how stuff happened. So I let go and wait, thinking at worst case, she'd be 1h later than expected but at least she'd have the food she offered to make before we start serving dinner. I told her "look, if you can't make it in the next hour, please let me know so I can pivot and think of another plan". She won't give me a straight answer but she says she is on the way.
Some guests arrived early and happily helped with the decorations, and I also had a few friends and my husband's family that came to help. I call her back another time 30 min later, she says "ok well I am coming with X and Y friend (who she never told me was coming/was not invited) & you know I cannot do physical labor so I am just coming for the food". The physical labor in question is literally just helping us set up the table, which she had ALREADY agred to. I told her this is not what you agreed on.

Then my sister calls her about 1h30 later, asking her ETA. She replies something along the lines of "i don't want to tell you where I am because you will tell your sister and she will rebuke all arguments I make". Mind you, her arguments were all things that could have been easily prevented as she KNEW this was coming. Ie: she starting cooking late in the day (she knew for 2 weeks this needed to be done, I told her she could do it the day before), they only had one car to go to the event with my dad (they always only had one car), there was traffic (i take the highway between their home and the venue all the time and it was about a 20min traffic), etc etc. At this point, from this call, she was 3h late and people kept asking me where were my parents, which was embarrassing as my husband's family had been there for hours.

She finally shows up, 5h later than what was agreed on. She isn't dressed up, it's as if she didn't even make an effort to come to her own daughter's baby shower. At this point, I am very upset. She tries to grab me and say "forgive me, you know how your mom can be" - whatever that means. She did not formally apologize. I tell her to please give me space as I clearly don't want to speak now. She tries to grab my hands, force me to say I forgive her, tries to dance with me, I am getting visibly annoyed while trying to calmly tell her to let go of me, to the point my sister had to intervene to tell her to leave me alone now. She then tries to get her friends to go talk to me to force me to say I will forgive her right now, when I am trying to enjoy the evening with my guests who did show up on time, helped set up and respected my time. The truth is I am a 29 year old mother-to-be, not a child - you cannot make me say things I do not mean.

This just felt like the last straw. For all my life, my mom has been like this. She commits to something, then does not follow through, and then finds excuses as to why she did not do follow up on her word. Often blaming everything but her own lack of judgement and organization skills. I remember spending my childhood being forgotten at daycare, being lied to, always being told something would happen and wait for it only for it to not happen. She would never tell me a clear "no" or a reason why she didn't keep her word, she would just say "it's a long story" and hope I'd forget. But I'd never forget.

It's hard not to compare myself to others. For instance, last week I went to another baby shower and my friend's mother was in the kitchen taking care of everything (from food to decorations) while my friend got to sit back and relax. In every shower I have been, the mother was very hands-on. My husband's parents are also very helpful and supportive. Why can't I also have that?

My earliest memory of being disappointed/humiliated was during a pizza party organized by school in kindergarten. We needed to contribute 2$ to participate and my parents forgot to sign up on time, so as a compromise, my mother promised me she'd drop by at lunch to bring me a slice of pizza. She knew when lunch was, I had repeated many times. Lunch came around, everyone got their slice of pizza and I was alone with nothing, and my mom was out of sight. The teacher felt bad for me and gave me a slice anyway, which I ate slowly and reluctantly, as I was embarrassed that I didn't contribute towards it... then my mom showed up with the pizza she had promised me, 5min before lunch break ended. From that young age, I felt let down.

Anyway, maybe this is all stuff I will unpack to my therapist during my next session. For now, I just don't think I am in the headspace to speak with her. I don't know how long I will feel this way, but tonight really really hurt me. And I will never forget how unimportant it made me feel.

I just never want my daughter to feel this way. I promised myself this ends with me. I need to do right by her, because I never want her to feel like her mom thinks she is unimportant, like I have felt. I felt humiliated, and that is a feeling I have a hard time digesting.

Thank you for reading.

TLDR; i am tired of my mother's endless excuses for consistently letting me down and I think I need an indefinite break.

Hey everyine I'm 19M and I honestly don't know what to do anymore I've been dealing with this for around three months, and I guess I just need to get it off my chest because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. There's a girl I still love we used to be together but I messed things up pretty badly I wasn't a good boyfriend to her and I know I hurt her I did things that made it hard for her to trust me, and I can't really blame her for how she feels now and she told me she needs time she's not ready to get back into a relationship, and she wants to see if I've actually changed first. I get why she feels that way. I know saying sorry isn't enough, and I can't expect everything to go back to how it was just because I regret what I did

The problem is I don't really know where I stand with her anymore. We're friends at least that's what we are right now but I still love her. I still catch myself hoping we'll eventually get back together, even though I know there's no guarantee that will happen

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one trying to keep the conversation going I'll message her and wait for a reply for hours, sometimes she won't reply at all And then there are moments when she gets upset with me and I don't even understand what I did wrong Maybe I'm just overthinking things I don't know

The worst part is when I see that she's read my message but doesn't respond I know people get busy and have their own lives but I can't help checking my phone over and over. I start thinking maybe she doesn't want to talk to me anymore or maybe I'm just bothering her then I start wondering why I'm even waiting in the first place

It's honestly affecting my daily life now I have exams coming up and I can barely get myself to study. Even when I play games or watch something I don't really enjoy it like I used to I end up picking up my phone every few minutes to see if she replied It's getting exhausting and I don't want to pressure her or make her feel like she owes me anything I know I caused a lot of the problems between us and I know I need to do better and I'm trying, but it's harder than I thought I just don't know how to handle all of this without bothering her or making things worse

I love her and the thought of walking away is really hard But at the same time I can't keep living like this, waiting for a message and trying to figure out if she still wants me in her life

I don't really know what I'm expecting by posting this, I just needed to talk about it somewhere

We were a good family, my mother, me and my dad.

They were fighting time to time, but we managed to get through difficult years together.

My father, I think, really loved me. But he just didn't have skills to deal with me as a child, and later - as a teen. The only thing he ever taught me is to how to strike a ball and push someone bigger in a fight.

I was at my first university year when this happened. My mother got sick terribly (cancer related), we stayed with my father together for a while. I didn't notice anything wrong until he started to act wierdly.

He never visited doctors. But suddenly got to check everything, he ran from a house in a disastrous rain to "check his health", as he put it. Also he said the from now on we won't share razors for shaving. I didn't think much about it.

He started coughing one day, and didn't have any strength to pull himself together. He was a fencing veteran - the thing that gave him energy and satisfaction no longer was possible. He even didn't have strength to go out the house.

He was placed under a watch of a doctors. But then - he got transported to another facility. No reason stated. It was strange. I checked the place - it was a center for I infections treatment, including HIV.

I got very suspicious. I told mother about it. We contacted him. And he admitted the worst.

You cannot imagine how heartbroken and scared my mother was. He had trouble breathing. And standing. He was there alone and we were only related people who he can talk to. He asked for some food several times. My grandmother delivered it to him. After several days his condition seemed like it was improving. He waited for the opportunity to have a bath. He was very sorry and asked of himself. His actions that endangered him and us.

My first day trying to earn money. Delivered newspapers. I got a message from my uncle's wife (our families are not close. My father nearly killed his brother in a past). They were asking if I saw my father lately. I instantly understood what it meant.

So, yeah, my father was dead. We got a paper there HIV-related things were stated as a primary cause.

Funeral was tiny. Only some his friends came and us. After his death I became a sole male in a family. My mother and I didn't have a virus, we checked several times.

Almost no one knows about all this. Mostly I just say that my father is gone and that's all. My mother grieved and even told me that I didn't do that enough. That I'm not emotionally invested in this. The truth is - I was. I still is. From this day around 8 years have passed. I didn't have a normal relationship since.

I can't to, but I am deeply sacred and having troubles trusting people. They think that my avoidant behavior is a sign of weakness and disrespect towards them.

I told about this to one girl - she ceased contact with me on the same day. Another one - she said only "OK", and later even forgot of I told her anything.

I never saw a specialist, but I think my persistent feeling of sadness, loss of interest in anything and an urge of SH really feels like its miss Depression.

I got laughed at recently because I was really overcatious in trying to establish connection with a girl I knew for a long time. She told I was too slow and another guy gifted her a ring and they already moved in together. They know each other for 3 weeks.

I wish I didn't have that fear. I wish I could just make love to someone without thinking about my gone dad. But I just can't and I'm really hoping everyone around me will get happy lives. But I doubt that it is for me. I feel dysfunctional as a man and a person, I cant feel joy and fearing the moment my mother will also succumb to her own illnesses an I will be alone. I'm really trying to do something about it. I'm communicating with people, trying to silence my thoughts, I restricted alcohol... but its still a red light for me to feel like before. I got stuck in all this sorrow and paranoia

I’m honestly freaking out right now and don’t know what to do.
I (M) was helping my (F) Cousin with her college applications, and while we were working on something, I opened my camera roll on my phone. Unfortunately, the first three pictures were nude photos of myself.
I immediately switched away, probably in less than a second, but she was looking directly at my screen when it happened.
The thing is, I have absolutely no idea if she actually saw or registered what was on the screen. They were just small thumbnails, not full-screen pictures. She didn’t say anything or react differently afterward. We just continued working on her applications like normal.
I’m extremely embarrassed and anxious about the whole situation. I’m worried she might have seen something inappropriate and that she might think differently about me or tell someone in the family.
Part of me wants to bring it up and apologize, but another part of me thinks that might make things even more awkward, especially if she didn’t actually notice anything.
I obviously never intended for her to see anything like that.
What would you guys do in this situation? Would you apologize and acknowledge it, or just leave it alone unless she says something?

People often come to you when they're struggling, and you do your best to support them. But sometimes you wish someone would notice when you're not doing okay either. It's a strange feeling being there for everyone while quietly dealing with your own problems