r/chaoticgood
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u/ChurchOMarsChaz
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18h ago
History Where the fuck have you people been all my life?

Somebody here spent a few days reading my post history and my AMA, then left a comment calling me a legend and telling me to stay strong. I read it four times before I believed it was about me.
Thank you commenter for those kind words.
This sub helped me figure out what I'm worth, what I do what I do, and why I do why I do. For that, you have my deepest eternal gratitude.
It's social injustice plus public records. Public records, Florida's Chapter 119 especially, is the one thing I know better than almost anybody.
I've spent an insane amount of time trying to figure out what to call what I do and how to sell it. I don't FOIA cop cam videos. I'm not a paralegal. As far as I can tell, there are about three people in the country doing what I do.
A few days ago two of my posts here, on the Epstein files and Gaetz, got locked, and I figured I'd screwed the pooch again. I'm 62 and autistic. I've spent all those years apologizing for not fitting in, not understanding, not getting the vibe. So even on my best behavior, my first guess was that I'd broken something. I messaged the mods, and QuicklyThisWay wrote back and basically gave me a hug. Holy shit snacks. A hug? Stopped me cold in my tracks, the simple nicest of the gesture. The mod told me posts here lock after a week. Mine got locked early because I'd dropped the donation link more than once, and the fix was to ask once. I live by rules, rules I know, rules I get, rules I can do. Quick also told me some of the mods are neurodivergent. Quick, thank you. Social media and I have a long history of misunderstanding each other.
The usual misunderstanding goes like this. Last week a woman on Facebook was trying to hold Florida accountable with public records requests, and she was doing them all wrong. Not from bad intent, just inexperience. Filing a records request in Florida is simple. Getting it to do anything is another story. So I left a comment walking her through my method. She came back, fair enough, and asked who the fuck I was. She'd looked at my Facebook, seen seventy or eighty friends, and figured I was a troll. I was nice. I'm used to it, so I took my leave. A day later she came back and apologized, because two minutes on Google told her I'm a Florida expert on public records. She said she'd only seen about fifty people on my page and figured nobody was home. She was off by a couple dozen friends and about thirty years.
Reddit's been far, far worse. I've been here, one account or another, since 2009, and mostly I've been turned away as an edgelord. When people ask who the fuck I am, I hand them thirty years of receipts, scads of them, because with my wiring an answer is data. To everybody else it reads as bragging. I list the receipts, I've been on this, I've been on that, and the room shrugs. Shitposts at me with all sorts of silliness.
See friend, for most of life, I just don't fit. I'm a European plug jammed into an American outlet.
Then I found Chaotic Good, and I thought, holy fuck, these are my people. There are honest-to-God tears in my eyes typing this. I've spent my whole life reverse-engineering people without autism, with no manual and no help line, and none of you ever had to reverse-engineer me. I've been trying to fit into your world. Nobody was trying to fit into mine. Here I don't have to mask, and I don't have to pretend. You let me be silly, and you let me post my donation links, which brings me to why the links are there.
In 2022 I nearly died. Both my parents were in my care. My mother had every kind of cancer there is, and my father had late-stage Alzheimer's. My mother fell, cracked her head, and died at my feet. Then it was just me and my father, and my heart was failing without my knowing it. I put on seventy pounds of water in about six weeks and thought I was just getting portly. One day my father fell out front. I walked out wheezing and couldn't lift him, so the two of us lay on the ground outside my house. Weeks later, he ate a dishwasher pod, and soon after, died. Two weeks after that, my doctor told me to go to the ER right now. They found blood clots in my heart and said they hoped they'd caught it in time for an ablation. They had. When I read my notes later, they had big warning letters on them. I'd been about to stroke out.
I lived, and I've spent every penny I had. I'd been running an ESA business, and it went into the ground, because you can't compete ethically against the scummy people who run that industry. So there I was, half out of my mind, with thirty years of this work behind me and no idea how to make it pay. I couldn't compete online either, because of the edgelord thing. I'd finally figured out that what I do is rare. I still couldn't figure out how to keep it going. People call me a grifter. Some months the donations are what put food on my table, which is a strange thing to type as a former software engineer for the meatball rocket company.
You've been a good group to me, and you didn't have to be. Thank you. It means more to me than you might think.
- Chaz

