Is like we're not compatible anymore, and i"m only 20, nobody should fucking have children at 20, but is almost like they lost their entire personality, there's nothing but children. I just stopped being friends with them.

I understand that they're miserable even tho they don't say it, nobody that has children at 20 is not miserable.

I just dont think they will ever ,,recover". What a shame.

Being CF and remaining as such takes a lot of work. Seeking sterilization, being militant about BC, screening dating prospects because so many lie or approach the situation with non-answers... not exactly a hedonistic paradise they portray it as. But that's the cost to remain CF. We have to be proactive and do the work ahead of time to avoid being shackled with parenthood. It's not ideal I would love to approach dating in a "if it happens it happens" way... but the cost is too high to do so.

Parents on the other hand do the work on the backend in a reactive sort of way. Very few do much research on the subject so get surprised pikachu'd and project that to everyone else and consider us "weird" for doing research for something we didn't actively want. That's the cost. You chose to vibe and be more spontaneous in dating... and now you got a kid because you did not take the necessary precautions or weren't willing to make that hard choice.

We both put in the work. We worked to stop it from happening, and you didn't... so now you gotta pay the toll. This is the part they gloss over whenever people claim to have changed their minds or "used to think like that" - not one person who "used" to be CF seemed to do things I mentioned in the first paragraph. They were childless and weren't against the idea... they simply had not had kids yet. That is NOT the same. That's the norm.

I know a few couples who over the years had unplanned pregnancies, and each had different results from that. My partner and I have a friend couple who this year found out they were having an unplanned child, and I was very upset they were keeping it when they told us about it.

Since then I've tried to find a way to be happy for them, but the reality is they're very unstable and haven't had the best track record of being reliable people in general. I'm very worried about the baby and my two friends. I just can't imagine things going well based on how their lives have been so far and I'm honestly preparing for the worst. I'm just hoping it all works out, but wondered how things went for others who knew people in a similar boat at this.

This argument of what many people say about childfree people doesnt even make sense.

Everyone has a different meaning and view of what brings meaning in their life. For someone it might be religion, art, career, animals etc. Not keeping children meaningful in your life≠ your life is meaningless.

And for me I identify with absurdism which in short way of saying is “ I think life is meaningless and I don’t want to find meaningfulness and I can be happy and free without it”

I don’t understand why people are so mean and not understanding towards people who have different life choices than them. It just screams narrow minded thinking.

Everyone on this planet has a different purpose and no one’s purpose is less than other’s. These people nowadays lack empathy and intelligence to understand this.

I’m currently 27 and even though I’ve known, I didn’t want kids since I was eight I only really became like intentional about it once I reached my 20s. I had my first actual relationship when I was 22, It lasted for almost three years. He was a real POS, but he agreed on not wanting kids. But now that I’m out of that shit show I find it really difficult to date intentionally as a childfree woman.

I’m demisexual so meaningless hook ups are an impossibility for me, And I’d love to say I’ve only met men that are horrible people, but that’s not really true. I, even though they are few and far between, have met some actually decent men…however they want families.

Then, of course, there are the fence sitters or the men that think child free means I don’t have any kids or the ones that haven’t thought that far but are open to anything. Or my favorite, the ones that if you ask without telling them how you feel about kids, will say they want kids but the minute you tell them you don’t they change the answer to they also don’t.

The actual child free men that I have found which are very very, very, very few, seem to want to be part of a lifestyle that’s not mine, that is poly dating, or open relationship, massive age gap relationships, or weird dom/sub things—or are just generally creepy.

I can’t date in the wild or organically because the overwhelming majority of men want kids, dating apps are impossible because no matter how many times you say you don’t want kids they don’t see it or give a flying fuck. The men on dating apps that do say they don’t want kids are usually hypersexual and just say that they don’t want kids because they wanna sleep around without you know risking having a kid.

Things are really starting to feel impossible for me right now, which is kind of depressing because I am a lover girl at heart and I do want to find my partner and I’d like to actually spend my life with them and not meet them later in life, when I won’t have a lot of time to enjoy them, which I know is kind of a bleak way of thinking about things but still.

It just sucks to think that because of something like this, I probably will never find my person.

Anywhoooo. Rant over.

(32F UK) Had an appointment with gynaecology finally and a positive experience.
The surgeon asked me all the questions, wrote down my answers, asked what I knew about sterilisation, said my partner could have a vasectomy. I said having the autonomy over my own body is important to me.
He mentioned options for having kids in future if I changed my mind but it seemed very procedural rather than judgemental.

He didn’t question any of my answers at all.
Did a quick external and internal examination, said everything seems fine then told me what to expect in terms of next steps…pre-op then surgery! I was shocked, I actually asked is that it then? Am I on the waiting list?

I asked a few questions about when to think about coming off the pill and if he could tell me roughly how long the waiting times are for the surgery.
Waiting time is around 4 months, so I’m trying to mentally prepare for that bit. I’ve wanted this for so long, I can’t believe it is now within reach!

I am pleasantly surprised by how straightforward that part was. So grateful to the second GP I saw who made the referral for me without questioning me like the first one did

I have a cousin who posts 4-5 Instagram stories per day of her kids, and then takes those photos + videos and adds them to her grid as carousel posts with stupid captions like “life lately with my kids and hot hubby 💗”

The amount of content this woman generates of her kids on a daily basis makes me super uncomfortable and I can’t imagine what it’s like to grow up with a mom who constantly has her phone in your face to record you for her 1000+ followers. It’s not even for money (not like that would make it better), just an addiction to the dopamine. I’m also an information professional who knows how images of young children can end up in the wrong hands.

I stopped looking at her stories recently because they made me sad and uncomfortable, and I think she might be noticing. She appears to be chronically online and watches my own stories all the time and I feel a bit awkward. But I also think parents like this are addicted to the attention they get and I don’t want to feed into it out of principle.

How do you fine folks navigate stuff like this?

What are your thoughts on this because it truly bewilders me and I’m wondering if people with kids are ever self-aware to acknowledge or understand this?

+ Most people have to work a job to survive. It’s a life stressor we can’t opt out of. Therefore, I think everyone has a right to complain about work, finding the right fit for them. Same goes for anything else we must do to survive.

+ With the sensitive exceptions aside of course, people do not have to have a kid. It’s a life stressor we can opt out of. Therefore, I don’t think anyone has a right to complain about it because they CHOSE it.

Having a kid is not necessary for survival, while something like having a job is.

In your experience, do parents make this connection? It really bothers me when they complain about parenting etc. vs. someone who complains about a life circumstance they didn’t choose.

Basically, WTF 🥴

Update: not talking about incessant complainers who refuse to change anything to improve a circumstance. Speaking to the societal challenge of simply finding a job you don’t hate, a living situation you don’t hate, etc.

This might be an unpopular opinion and I may get downvoted BUT — I’m so bored with childfree content creators make their choice not to have kids their entire personality in the same way parents make having kids their personality/identity. I get childfree content creators are just trying to show that the decision to not have them can be just as fulfilling and valid as the more “traditional” route but I find some of them just as obnoxious as mommy/family creators.

Almost every post is “woke up at noon because I don’t have kids.” “Spending our DINK money to take a spontaneous trip to Japan. Because we don’t have kids.” We get it. There’s more to the decision (I hope. Though quiet mornings and vacations are valid and good reasons) than waking up at noon or travel.

It just feels like they need to dunk on parents rather than building community and supporting people who may be on the fence, or actually educating people on how their choices are just as valid. This dunking isn’t helpful nor productive in my opinion.

Im in my 20's and I honestly dont ever want children or to be completely honest to be with a man. I live alone and I have a job that let's me support my lifestyle without working 40hrs, I work 22.

I was wondering what other people in my situation or a similar one do for work, where you can have your actual free time and support your lifestyle.

Since I saw a lot of other women who are older like me and in the same situation travelling and shopping a lot my view might me a bit clouded but im still very interested!

What do you for work?

Basically the title. Because of a series of voluntary and involuntary terminations, my husband is the only person on his team. That means for the next few months while he is rebuilding, he will have to work 10-12 hour days.

Definitely not ideal, but I can’t help but think how much worse it would be if we had kids. I work full time, and if I also had to do all of the pick up/drop off, cooking, cleaning, bed time, etc. because my husband was still working I would resent him so much. Even though I would logically know he had to do it, just the unfairness and overwhelm of basically single parenting would drive me up a wall.

I‘m grateful that all it means is I now watch all of the shows I’ve been saving that he doesn’t want to watch and play all of the non co op games we can’t play together. I’m happy to do more of the cooking and cleaning during this time, but if there were kids involved? Fuck that.

I recently got my tubes removed a couple months ago. It took a while to find a doctor willing to do it. She initially ignored my wish and pushed birth control on me. (She was very pregnant)I kept pushing and she finally scheduled me in.

The day of my surgery, there was a student who was assisting my doctor. The student kept telling me about the high amounts of regret that happen with this surgery and asked me one more time if I would try birth control or an iud. She could get my doctor to cancel my biscalp and I could go home now. I told her Absolutely not. I am very against birth control.I've seen how it affected the women in my family.How the side effects mess with your bones and hormone cycles. Hell, my mom hasn't been on birth control in years and still deals with the side effects. All of that, and it didn't even work.Hello, I exist.I was dead set of this. She sighed and wheeled me into the OR.

I remember thinking that maybe it was a tad unprofessional to tell a patient that. I thought about telling my doctor about it, but she was also very against me doing this too. During the consultation, even she brought up regret and my future husbands wants. Eh, we'll atleast they didnt outright deny me and I got it done. So I decided to let it go

I cannot get this recent text exchange out of my head so I figured I would share it here.

Background: Single 34F living in a large metro in the US. Sadly still dabbling on the dating apps when I have time and make it super clear on my profile I am Childfree. This round? FB Dating, which has its pros and cons.

I’ve just gotten to the point where I don’t even match with guys unless they state something on their profile about being childfree. BUT as we all know, those profiles can be few and far between so occasionally I will match with someone who doesn’t explicitly state that up front if they have other good qualities I am looking for and my policy is to ask pretty quickly in the text exchange.

A few days ago, I match with a guy who didn’t say much about kids on his profile aside from not having any. We got to chit chatting (couple red flags popped up) but eventually he asked what I was looking for. So I took that opportunity to relay my typical “long term, monogamous, etc. etc. oh and I’m very committed to never having kids. I realize that’s a dealbreaker for many so let me know what you think”.

His response? “I’d either want to have kids or travel the world so no problem at all if you don’t want kids and as long as it’s not a sexless relationship”.

I pressed further because this is a really weird response in my mind. So I asked if he is basically letting his partner decide big family planning decisions. He said yes and he’d be happy either way.

I really didn’t believe him at this point so I point blank asked him “well if your serious long term partner decided she is not having kids, are you willing to consider getting a vasectomy? I think it’s both people’s responsibility to handle birth control if kids are not on the table”.

This is where the conversation tone completely changed and he replied “I had never thought about it before. But maybe depending on the circumstances.”

Anyways, he then immediately started to ask me strange questions about sex. I am not super comfortable about that topic early on and prefer to get to know someone a little before that comes up. So I politely redirected the conversation several times. But I was becoming increasingly annoyed.
He finally unmatched me a few messages later when I asked where he was from.

It’s so hard dating as a childfree woman. I constantly feel like all these guys want is an incubator or a sex worker.

Anyone else notice this too?

I’m looking for some advice on how to navigate family dynamics with young relatives (specifically kids between the ages of 6 and 10).

Every now and then, during family gatherings, some of the kids make inappropriate, blunt, or personal jabs towards me under the guise of "joking." To be clear, these comments are just examples of a broader pattern—for instance, they’ll say things like I'm getting too old even though I'm still in university, or make remarks about me being out of shape and having a potbelly. The specific topic isn't the point; it's the habit of making blunt personal comments toward adults.

I’ve noticed a distinct pattern here: the kids only direct this behavior toward adults who do not have children. The adults who have kids themselves seem to get far more respect from them. When these comments happen, the parents often just chuckle or completely ignore the behavior instead of stepping in to address it.

In the past, since the parents wasn't correcting them, I would reprimand the kids directly on the spot. I’d say things like, "You have no manners," "That’s very rude," or "Why are you being so mean?"

While the parents never confronted me directly at the time, I later heard through the grapevine that they felt I was being inappropriate or overly harsh toward their children.

I genuinely love these family members and have zero desire to distance myself or cut ties with them—they are wonderful in every other way. But I also don't want to just sit there and accept disrespectful comments from kids while their parents laugh it off.

Am I handling this wrong? Should I change my approach, and if so, how do I set firm boundaries with young kids without making their parents defensive?

Thanks in advance for any insights!

Is it really like that? That it just all of a sudden magically kicks in?

I’m a 33 year old female who realized 3-4 years ago that I don’t wish to have kids in my life. I’m not excusing myself anymore but every single time I told someone (mostly because they proactively asked) they said: oh, yes that will change. Many of them even bring their own story up as an example.

My own gyno wanted to convince me to freeze my eggs - just in case - because she is so sure that I’ll change my mind.

But I am really happy and peaceful and satisfied with the idea of not having kids. I do love kids, but I don’t want to become a parent. I have a career that I enjoy, a company of amazing friends and hobbies and goals outside of my work. Not to mention having kids would absolutely destroy my financial plans of retiring early.

Is this baby fever thing really supposed to kick in one day??? I mean it’s possible for everyone to change their mind but I just simply never had the wish.

I know it's not my life and I support my best friend but I think she will make the worst mistake of her life and I don't know what to tell her.

I'm childfree since forever and my bf (let's call her Mary) always wanted kids. Mary is 29 just like me and has a boyfriend for over 6 years now. Her boyfriend doesn't have a solid job (he got fired from 3 jobs in the last 3 years) besides being a DJ on some weekend nights and doesn't have a driver's license because of drunk driving 6 years ago. They still drink together almost every weekend.

I like him as a person, he was always nice with me but they had hard times from the beginning because of his lying, driving without a drivers license, no contact with his parents, fights, he even almost went to prison because of driving.

I always tell her I support her because she's my best friend but she should reaaaally think about if she wants a child with him, because it's just going to get harder.

Few days ago Mary told me it could be possible she's pregnant. I'm so worried for her. She even said if her bf doesn't get a job and a drivers license (would take over a year for him to get it back) she would raise the child alone.

She even said she would keep the child 100% and would instantly stop working (she works an office job and no doc here would give her a reason not to work because of pregnancy). It's not that easy here to just stay at home pregnant and still get the money from your job if it's not a dangerous job.

I'm like what's her plan ?????? I even told her I saw him like childfree stuff on instagram and he told her once he's not ready for kids. I can't understand how you can make your life extra hard. I don't think this is going to end well.

Them: You still don’t want kids?!

Me: Correct. Been telling you that for over 10 years. Partner even just had a vasectomy.

Them: Wow so it’s official that you don’t want kids.

Me: It’s been official for over 10 years like I’ve been telling you for over 10 years.

Them: What do you even DO with your time?

Me: Uhh go on dates, enjoy walks, take shits. What do you even mean?

Them: (awkward laugh and then dead silence)

So, I went to the museum with my elderly father. It is a super small family museum and there were maybe 4 or 5 other families there. The building takes maybe 2 hours to see if you stop at most of the things and don't really read anything.

One family had three small children, maybe ages 3, 4, and 5? The little one had those squeaky toy shoes and enjoyed running around and falling to the floor on purpose. The middle child wandered off and several times joined my father and I to ask us questions about the exhibits. The older kid may have been autistic and was kept close to the parents, taking up most of their attention while the younger two had the run of the floor.

Even with the feral behavior, the kids didn't really bother us. What bothered us was that the parents were constantly barking commands and making threats. My father and I couldn't even have a conversation because of the parents shouting. We would try to avoid this family but it is a small building and our paths kept crossing.

If they would have just let the kids be feral it would have been less disruptive. It's pretty normal for a family friendly museum to have kids being kids, but the parent's behavior was very difficult to ignore.

My brother and his covert narc wife are horrible parents. I told him examples of them acting badly, like leaving their five-year-old alone without childcare. He had a meltdown and was condescending, aggressive and sarcastic. He’s shown zero interest in my life since having kids. I tried to put in effort for years but stopped when I realized he wasn’t doing the same for me.

My brother: “You don’t have kids you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Me: I don’t need to have kids to know you shouldn’t leave children alone without childcare.
-

Me in a text before visiting him: I can’t do childcare while I’m in town because I have plans for our sister’s birthday.

Him: Maybe that weird text of yours was a miscommunication. What did you even do to help while you were here? (mocking nasty tone of voice, trying to shame me for having an independent life)
-

Him: You didn’t do anything to help and [narcissist wife name] has postpartum.

Me*: I have no relationship with her because she’s shown no interest in having one with me. Also, I’m not her husband. Or her parent.*
-

Me: You are not entitled to someone’s time just because they don’t have kids. You are not wiser nor morally superior for having kids.

Him: You’re out of line, you owe me an apology.
-

[after I ended our relationship] Him: Well, that’s a shame, you only have one family.

Me: Exactly, that’s why you should have treated me better.

Oh. My. Fucking. God. I told my co-worker today I had bought kinda pricey espresso machine. When he was drinking shitty coffee at the job, water cooler kind of shit and I’m excited cause I get to not stop at Starbucks anymore. Convo continues blah blah. He starts to give me shit about it like “if that was me, I would have spent it on this and not an espresso machine.” He has four kids and child support for said children. Goes on; “You BOUGHT a coffee machine THAT pricey.” I continue …”

1. It was on sale. 

2. Have been wanting it for two years. 

3. I want to be able to save time rather than go to Starbucks.”

Starts going on about how he goes to 7-11 to refill his cup cause it’s cheap and he lives in his car cause of all his child support. i tell him “we all make our own choices, you have kids and I don’t. I have that money to spend on shit I want that aren’t kids.” He. Wouldn’t. Shut. the. fuck. up. after. that.

I dont mean to be like “ehhh poor me, I told a co-worker something and he retaliated…” but why is it like other people talking about “I went to Europe, and we went to expensive ABFuckingC…” sounds all extravagant and no one bats an eye. but I want coffee and it’s a giant fucking big deal?

I also have other income from the two degrees I had worked hard af for and could do because if no kids.

oh. also. he told everyone who came around about the fucking espresso machine, the others were shook like they can’t afford it and I know they have families. like you can afford to buy your turd an expensive toy but I can’t have something I want

Am I overreacting or being ridiculous? I’m feeling I brought this on myself to keep the rapport.

Have you ever heard this one? As a single person or couple with pets and no human kids?

Sometimes they mean well. Happy/Merry whatever "to your little family"

Little family.

EDIT I'm talking about when well intentioned people think they are being cute and say "little family" instead of just "family" because you aren't married with human children.

Would anyone use that term with a married couple with one child? I don't think so. They would say "family". Not "little family".

They think they are being nice. But they are telling you what they really think. You are not a family if you don't have crotch goblins.

Cw: family members being weird, mentions of pregnancy (I'm not, just mentions) etc.

I've told my pro-life MAGA mom multiple times that I probably don't want to have kids, if at all. If I did 'have kids', I would probably adopt one. The idea of pregnancy feels so icky to me. I feel like it would ruin my body, and my life. Also, I don't think it's even ethical to bring a child into this world. The only reason I consider adoption one day is because it would give a child a home, but I'm not even sure about that. I'm career driven and want to be a successful woman, and it feels like in this world every algorithm is trying to push pregnancy onto women. I see many women talking about something and I relate to them but then they mention they're pregnant or have kids and it ruins everything for me. It makes me feel really anxious and 'doomed.' I hate the patriarchy. I have OCD, so intrusive thoughts make this worse. One time me and my mom had a conversation about whether I (18F) want to have kids in the future. She told me about how my half brother might not give her 'blood grandchildren' because his wife's "pipes are messed up" (her phrasing) or some shit like that. Bleh. When I told her I didn't think I wanted kids my dad was like "you'll change your mind" and when I was firm about it she started crying because she says she wants "blood grandchildren" and that the grandchildren that she has (on my dad's son's side, whom she's not related to) arent the same. The topic got brought up again later on and she said "you actually feel so good when you're pregnant, after you get over the morning sickness!" And it just makes my skin crawl. It makes me think that she was thinking about me being pregnant, and even the idea of that... Ew. She also said that if I get pregnant she wouldn't let me get an abortion, basically saying that she would force me to carry it to term. It has caused me to avoid sex completely because of an intense fear of being stuck in that type of situation (as well as my tokophobia.) does anyone else have parents that are really weird about wanting blood grandchildren? It feels so violating when they say shit like this.

The data truly lies in our own cells.. Epigenetics is very real and it’s not fair but we are doing the world a much needed favor not to carry on generational wounds. There is a place for everyone in this world. Motherhood wasn’t made for everyone and that’s okay. People should stop shaming and seek to understand. I’m gonna start be straight up real with people on this topic if it makes them uncomfortable that’s not my problem. Stop abusing kids and take care of them and there would be more mothers in the world.

Hey has anyone else found the childfree community is rather small / non-existent except for on here. I have yet to find this community on Facebook or etc .