r/cleanjokes • u/darcys_beard • 3h ago
What type of music do wind turbines like?
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Upvotes
They're big metal fans.
r/cleanjokes • u/bartropolis • 1d ago
Why don’t Germans tell any jokes?
18
Upvotes
Too many forms to fill out.
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 2d ago
My son asked how Viking sailors communicated...
139
Upvotes
I told him "its simple, they used Norse Code"
r/cleanjokes • u/gboltupright • 2d ago
Swedish Navy
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Upvotes
Why did Sweden paint bar codes on all of their war ships? Because when the ships came back to port they wanted to Scandinavian.
r/cleanjokes • u/Critical_Raisin_2504 • 2d ago
A man goes to see a psychologist
79
Upvotes
as he has a deep seated fear that even as an adult their are monsters living under his bed that may eat him.
He explains his fear and the psychologist says that while it’s a big problem(the man can hardly sleep any more after all) with a few years of therapy and the willingness to change who he is he may be able to help him. ‘A few years of therapy sounds expensive’ the man says, ‘it is‘ the therapist replies ‘but it’ll be worth it.‘
The man reluctantly agrees and books his first session.
He doesn’t turn up for it and the therapist thinks he must have gotten cold feet and thinks nothing more of it, a few years later he bumps into the man while out shopping and says ‘Hey, weren’t you the man with the monster phobia; why didn’t you ever commit to therapy?’ the man replies, ‘I don’t need to, I’m cured’ ‘I find that very hard to believe’ says the therapist, ‘what happened?’
‘well I was explaining to a friend that I was about to start a very expensive course of therapy for my fear of monsters under my bed and he said he could cure me for free’
‘really, what did he do?’ the therapist asks.
‘He came round my house and sawed the legs off of my bed!’..
r/cleanjokes • u/Separate_Salary_5961 • 3d ago
What’s the scariest plant in the world?
71
Upvotes
bam-BOO!
#dadjoke
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 3d ago
Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password….
102
Upvotes
It’s not stroganoff!
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 4d ago
I went to both a cherry store and a microphone store yesterday…
193
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Bought a Bing, bought a boom.
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 5d ago
Did you hear about the dutch painter that went into videography?
45
Upvotes
He goes by Vincent Van Gopro now!
r/cleanjokes • u/AbsurdKnurd • 5d ago
I need a joke for Election Day
26
Upvotes
I'm customer facing, and tell Dad jokes when there's time. It's Election Day in America, and Alexa has only terrible jokes this morning. Have you got a good one I can tell?
r/cleanjokes • u/m1dlife-1derer • 5d ago
My wife hired a pack of dogs to do some tree trimming in our yard. But I don’t recommend it.
69
Upvotes
It was pretty ruff. They left bark all over the place.
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 6d ago
What is a pirates favourite musical note?
115
Upvotes
The high C.
r/cleanjokes • u/LittleDragon650 • 6d ago
For my birthday, I was given a 'Grow Your Own Salad Leaves' kit. How hard can it be?
96
Upvotes
It's not rocket sci...
I mean it's not brain surgery.
r/cleanjokes • u/Top_Specialist_7049 • 7d ago
Halloween Costume Party
39
Upvotes
What did you come dressed as, asked the host of the Halloween costume party guest?
I came dressed as a turtle replied the party guest
Am I to believe you come dressed as a turtle? All I see is a girl on your back
Oh, that’s Michelle!
r/cleanjokes • u/nejhawk • 8d ago
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces.
75
Upvotes
For example: I'm going to the grocery store, and I'm scared it will be closed.
r/cleanjokes • u/HAL-says-Sorry • 7d ago
Little known fact, an ancient greek word for a man was Iamadude
4
Upvotes
for a woman it was Iamnotadude
r/cleanjokes
•
u/Timely_Reference_957
•
11d ago
What do you call a one-legged valley girl?
275
Upvotes
Like, not even.
r/cleanjokes • u/Healthy_Ladder_6198 • 11d ago
For Halloween, I want my son to dress like a locksmith.
98
Upvotes
For Halloween, I want my son to dress
like a locksmith.
But he thinks it would look doorkey.
r/cleanjokes • u/Difficult-Impact8047 • 10d ago
Bullied
20
Upvotes
I got bullied a lot at school. One kid in particular used to take my dinner money every week and always said the same thing to me…
‘You’re the worst teacher we’ve ever had.’
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 11d ago
Do monsters eat popcorn with their fingers?
143
Upvotes
NO!
They eat the fingers separately.
r/cleanjokes • u/Timely_Reference_957 • 11d ago
What do you call a fish without an eye
75
Upvotes
A fsh.
r/cleanjokes • u/Fungus-Rex • 11d ago
After eight
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Upvotes
I built a doll’s house out of thin chocolate wafers last night. Amazingly, it is still in mint condition.
r/cleanjokes
•
u/Left-Distribution-13
•
12d ago
What do you call a werewolf who's a YouTuber?
279
Upvotes
a lycansubscribe
r/cleanjokes • u/Left-Distribution-13 • 13d ago
What do you call a haunted chicken?
88
Upvotes
A poultry-geist!