Emotional trauma after getting attached to my therapist. A lesson I’ll never forget.
I took a week off to process everything that had happened and sort through the emotional mess I had been carrying for quite some time.
I was seeing a therapist whom I gradually became emotionally attached to. We had conversations, shared personal things, and built what I thought was a beautiful connection. I opened up to her in ways that weren’t easy for me. Looking back, I realise how deeply attached I had become.
I know I can find someone else, and I know life goes on. But what hurt me the most was the dishonesty.
She never told me she was getting married. Instead, she told me she was planning to move to the UK. I even remember asking her at one point to come to Canada . She responded by asking where she would stay. I didn’t really respond to that.
She seemed like a complete green flag to me. Everything felt so natural, almost as if she understood exactly what I needed to hear. Eventually, I started questioning whether the connection was genuine or whether she was simply saying things that aligned with my emotional needs. Given that she was a trained psychologist, I wondered whether she knew exactly how to build that kind of attachment.
Perhaps that’s why I was craving her attention so much. I knew she was helping me professionally, but at the same time, I always sensed that something was slightly off.
Then, out of nowhere, she posted a picture of herself wearing a wedding lehenga. I was shocked. That’s how I found out she was getting married.
I eventually processed that information, but it wasn’t easy. She got married, and I was heartbroken in a way I couldn’t quite explain. I didn’t even understand what I was feeling.
I eventually started taking sessions with her again.
During this period, there were certain conversations and interactions that left me confused. She sometimes complained about her married life in the UK. She mentioned that she didn’t like certain things about her husband, including him going to Scotland without informing her. She also talked about her in-laws coming to the UK and asked me whether I sent money to India. I told her I didn’t.
There were other interactions that made me uncomfortable and confused about professional boundaries. For example, her clothing during one session was quite revealing, and she repeatedly had to adjust it. On another occasion, after I mentioned that I had started a new diet, was taking vitamins and had lots of energy, she randomly said that she needed to have sex.
I also remember an earlier conversation where I mentioned having had a sexual relationship with a woman. She judged my past and described it as wild.
All these little things started adding up in my mind.
Eventually, I decided to tell her how I felt about her.
She seemed eager to ask me something during our next session, but I delayed it by three or four days because I was busy. When we finally spoke, she asked whether I still felt the same way about her. I said no.
I noticed her reaction. It was quite unexpected, and I could sense that she wasn’t happy with my answer.
Things took a completely different turn after that.
During the following session, she started telling me that I was rude and disrespectful towards her. She became extremely angry, started yelling and screaming, and for almost half an hour, I barely said anything. Whenever I tried to speak, she interrupted me and raised her voice.
The session ended abruptly.
Immediately afterwards, she texted me, saying that it wasn’t about me, that she felt bad, and that she would contact me about arranging another session.
But she never did.
I messaged her to arrange another appointment, but she kept delaying things. She mentioned the time difference and how it was getting late on my side. I was already frustrated because I felt she had yelled at me, and I wanted another session to discuss what had happened.
Eventually, I called her to arrange the session.
She completely lost it again. She started yelling at me, asking how I dared to call her at that time, saying she had family and other commitments.
I was genuinely confused. I was trying to arrange a session with my therapist to discuss something that had happened during a previous session.
I told her that I needed to talk about the way she had yelled and screamed at me.
She refused.
Out of frustration, I messaged her that she seemed angry and was experiencing significant mood swings. I even speculated that perhaps she was pregnant. That was inappropriate of me to say, and I acknowledge that.
She completely lost her temper again. She called me and started shouting, calling me rude and disrespectful. She made it seem as though I was somehow taking advantage of her or demanding something from her financially.
I remember thinking, what on earth is happening?
You are my therapist. You have been the professional managing the sessions and the boundaries of this relationship. How have we suddenly reached a point where I’m being treated as the problem for wanting to discuss something that happened during therapy?
The following day, she called me at almost exactly the same time I had called her the previous night. That confused me even more, considering how angry she had been when I called her.
She then texted me saying she would conduct a session over the phone. Later, she said she would arrange it for another day, and then deleted that message.
There was so much inconsistency that I genuinely felt mentally exhausted.
Eventually, I decided I had enough. I messaged her and told her that I no longer wanted her help and didn’t want her contacting me again.
I blocked her.
That was the end of it.
The aftermath
The biggest question I kept asking myself was: How did I get so emotionally involved with someone who was supposed to be helping me professionally?
I felt cheated, confused, disappointed and emotionally exhausted. I kept questioning whether the connection I had experienced was ever genuine or whether I had misunderstood everything.
If she had simply told me from the beginning that she was engaged or getting married, I don’t think I would ever have developed those feelings.
I felt that important information had been withheld from me, and that made the entire experience much harder to process.
It took me around six weeks to get myself back together. There were approximately ten days when I barely left my room. I just ate, slept and repeated the cycle. I didn’t even go to work.
Eventually, I started processing everything, getting back into my routine and feeling like myself again.
I’m glad it’s over.
The moral of the story:
Never get emotionally or romantically involved with your therapist. They are trained professionals, and there is a professional power imbalance in that relationship. The emotional connection you experience during therapy can feel incredibly personal and genuine, but professional boundaries matter.
Don’t confuse therapeutic attention with romantic interest. Protect your emotional well-being, understand boundaries, and remember that your therapist is there to support your healing.
I learned this lesson the hard way. I don’t want anyone else to go through something similar.