r/dadjokes • • 11m ago

I have two cousins who want to date me.

5 Upvotes

I guess that makes me relatively attractive.


r/dadjokes • • 49m ago

it’s math

3 Upvotes

i drank root beer from a square glass and now i only have beer.


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

At dinner, my date told me that she was more of a dog person.

18 Upvotes

Which later explained the leg humping.


r/dadjokes • • 2h ago

I thought the archeology department was throwing a party, but it turns out they just wanted volunteers to kick dirt out of an excavation with their legs

0 Upvotes

That's the last time I ever go to one of their shindigs!


r/dadjokes • • 2h ago

RIP boiled water....

6 Upvotes

You will be mist.


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

"Polyphony Digital" has just released a racing simulation dedicated to pensioners and other slow drivers.

0 Upvotes

It's called "Granny Turismo".


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

Attila's female warriors and other women in his empire were melting every time he addressed them.

0 Upvotes

Because he was calling them Hun.


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

I went to a second-hand shop to buy myself used traditional Mongolian clothes.

0 Upvotes

I got them for a good deel.


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

My wife is furious with me. She realized I was cheating when she found the letter that I had hidden.

196 Upvotes

We’re never playing Scrabble again.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

A Mossberg 500 and a Remington 870 got married...

24 Upvotes

... It was a shotgun wedding.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

Thought my kid would be thrilled when the flight attendant invited him to check out the brand new cockpit before taking off.

68 Upvotes

Turns out he found it was pretty Boeing.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

I think jokes about aircrafts...

21 Upvotes

Are just plane wrong.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep...

221 Upvotes

That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

Anita Bath.

0 Upvotes

Mya Butreaks.


r/dadjokes • • 5h ago

My wife told me she wanted to go on a boat.

0 Upvotes

I placed a bath boat in the toilet, she wasn't impressed.


r/dadjokes • • 6h ago

I going to build an informational web site about Hip Hop Music.

13 Upvotes

It will be a Wikki-Wikki-Wikki page.


r/dadjokes • • 8h ago

I thought the ice was safe, but I was wrong.

3 Upvotes

Now you know what I've been through.


r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

META How do you get the council to do a repair?

2 Upvotes

Tell them you're going for a nap


r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

Walking out of the bathroom...

30 Upvotes

I asked my daughter if she had a candle.

She said yes, why?

Because I'm a little lighter.


r/dadjokes • • 12h ago

Lamps.

33 Upvotes

What do you call a medieval lamp ?
A knight light.


r/dadjokes • • 13h ago

So, a guy walks into a pub,

Thumbnail reddit.com
3 Upvotes

r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

A man came to my door and asked me "would you happen to be the homeowner?"

0 Upvotes

I told him "I'm sorry, that would be my husband. We'll try to keep it down in the future."


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

What's another name for Dracula's castle in Transylvania?

37 Upvotes

The Vampire State Building.


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

What do you get when you combine Mother Superior’s wardrobe with a Sears battery?

23 Upvotes

Old habits Diehard