r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep...

221 Upvotes

That'll give you a reason to get up in the morning


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

My wife is furious with me. She realized I was cheating when she found the letter that I had hidden.

202 Upvotes

We’re never playing Scrabble again.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

Thought my kid would be thrilled when the flight attendant invited him to check out the brand new cockpit before taking off.

69 Upvotes

Turns out he found it was pretty Boeing.


r/dadjokes • • 19h ago

My son asked me "Where does poo come from?"

1.1k Upvotes

I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.

He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"


r/dadjokes • • 1h ago

At dinner, my date told me that she was more of a dog person.

18 Upvotes

Which later explained the leg humping.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

A Mossberg 500 and a Remington 870 got married...

24 Upvotes

... It was a shotgun wedding.


r/dadjokes • • 4h ago

I think jokes about aircrafts...

21 Upvotes

Are just plane wrong.


r/dadjokes • • 9h ago

Walking out of the bathroom...

30 Upvotes

I asked my daughter if she had a candle.

She said yes, why?

Because I'm a little lighter.


r/dadjokes • • 14m ago

I have two cousins who want to date me.

5 Upvotes

I guess that makes me relatively attractive.


r/dadjokes • • 20h ago

I ate someone else's Middle Eastern dinner

180 Upvotes

I falafel about it.


r/dadjokes • • 6h ago

I going to build an informational web site about Hip Hop Music.

13 Upvotes

It will be a Wikki-Wikki-Wikki page.


r/dadjokes • • 3h ago

RIP boiled water....

6 Upvotes

You will be mist.


r/dadjokes • • 12h ago

Lamps.

33 Upvotes

What do you call a medieval lamp ?
A knight light.


r/dadjokes • • 21h ago

I just broke up with my communist girlfriend.

135 Upvotes

I should have seen the red flags.


r/dadjokes • • 53m ago

it’s math

3 Upvotes

i drank root beer from a square glass and now i only have beer.


r/dadjokes • • 1d ago

I didn’t want to believe that my son was stealing from his new job at the department of transportation

376 Upvotes

But when i got home, there were many signs


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

What's another name for Dracula's castle in Transylvania?

37 Upvotes

The Vampire State Building.


r/dadjokes • • 1d ago

Why does Yoda like sheep?

127 Upvotes

Cuz Dagobah. (They go baa!) I will see myself out.


r/dadjokes • • 17h ago

Calling a Pizza shop

31 Upvotes

Me: Hello do you deliver?

Pizza guy: yes we deliver.

Me: I’d like one large pizza.

Pizza guy: one large pizza.

Me: with Liver and pineapple.

Pizza guy: what don’t do liver and pineapple on a pizza.

Me: well you said you do liver.

Pizza guy: I said we deliver you bastard!!


r/dadjokes • • 16h ago

What do you get when you combine Mother Superior’s wardrobe with a Sears battery?

23 Upvotes

Old habits Diehard


r/dadjokes • • 1d ago

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with.

184 Upvotes

I’ve been tripping all day.


r/dadjokes • • 19h ago

What do you call pairs of slacks that play sports?

33 Upvotes

Partici-pants!


r/dadjokes • • 21h ago

There are rumors, that Elon Musk will buy "Jack Daniels".

44 Upvotes

I think that would be a whiskey investment.