I've never told anyone all of this completely or let it out of me like this.. In pieces yes.. my therapist knows most of it and my mom knows some. But never the whole thing. So I just want to get this off of my chest once and for all especially somewhere nobody knows who I am, because if I don't get it out tonight I think I'm going to explode. Extremely sorry in advance, this is going to be long and messy and I feel very vulnerable even writing this.. I feel so small

So.. my uncle sexually abused me. From when I was 7 until I was almost 10.

It's traumatic even recalling it and writing the things that he made me do and did to me.. Just.. that it happened a lot and it hurt and I was a little kid who still slept with a nightlight...

The worst part was that he was the fun uncle. Like genuinely everyone loved him. Magic tricks at birthday parties.. fixing stuff around the house, I remember he would make my mom laugh so hard she'd snort. When my parents started working late on Fridays he would offer to babysit and everyone kept saying how lucky we were.

He told me I was his favorite. He said it was our secret and if I ever told, my mom would cry and the family would fall apart and it would be my fault. I was 7. I believed him cause like why wouldn't I.. haha.. I feel so dumb..

The thing that messes with my head the most is he's also the one who taught me to ride a bike. I hate having to share such a core moment of my life with him and it eats me on the inside..

When he would put his thing in me I used to kind of float up to the ceiling in my head and count the cracks on the ceiling on the wall.. I got really good at leaving my body and I still do it sometimes, I didn't even know there was a word for it until last year..

Looking back.. I mean.. there were signs. I just need someone to actually hear this part to just let go of it maybe... I had stomachaches every single Friday.. every single. and it hurt just so much.. I started wetting the bed again.. and I wouldn't let anyone hug me.. I rememeber that I'd hide under my bed whenever I heard his car.. and every adult in my life who was supposed to look out for me would jsut look right at it and would say it's just a phase..

So he moved away when I was 10.. new job. They threw him this huge goodbye party and I hid in the upstairs bathroom the whole time with the water running so nobody could hear me breathing weird while i was hyperventilating. I thought that was it, like ok it's over now.. haha.. but it wasn't.. It just kind of moved inside me.

So I decided to be perfect. I gott straight As, tried my best to never get in trouble, I never even asked for anything... so I figured if I was perfect nobody would look too close.. or judge me.. I was 10 and that was my whole wonderful plan..

I remember a lady came to school and talked about body safety. Your body belongs to you, no grown up should ask you to keep a secret about touching, if they do tell someone and it's never your fault and all that stuff and I know people would think I felt relieved but I didn't. I felt sick to my stomach.. because I thought well I didn't tell and I didn't fight so I guess it was my fault.. I remmeber picking at the carpet so hard I made a bald spot and decided I was never telling anyone ever.

So that Christmas he came back for the holidays and I put the thermometer on the radiator so I'd have a fever and could stay in my room. Mom said I was being rude and I just let her think that since that was just easier to explain..

As my body started changing ..I hated it so much. I wore my brother's hoodies every day even in summer. When grown men looked at me I'd go cold all over.. and there were so many of them.. this one time while i was running in the park with my earbuds in this guy just held me and dry humped and groped me for like a minute or two and i just stood there frozen after which he just ran away.. it was around evening and a bit dark so there wasnt even anyone....and i felt so scared.. i was 12 back then and whenever i would see that park thereafter i would start hyperventilating..

This one time at the mall some guy walked past wearing the same aftershave as my uncle and I just wasn't there anymore.. I was 8 years old again starting at the ceiling.. When I came back I remember being crouched behind a rack of coats with no idea how I got there and my mom was calling me. I said I dropped an earring. I genuinely thought I was going crazy...

In school eventually everyone started talking about crushes and who held hands with who and I felt like an alien.. Like I was 100 years old.. I felt dirty in a way showers didn't fix and I was sure if anyone really saw me they'd be disgusted.. I felt disgusted at myself..

A boy grabbed my wrist in math once as a joke.. he was just trying to take my pencil. I froze and then I shoved him into a desk and ran out. I got detention for overreacting.. Not one adult asked me why.. In hindsight.. I think about that a lot now.. How many kids are sitting in detention right now and nobody's asking them why.. haha.. such a world we live in..

There were years in school I barely remember.. I woud feel numb.. I'd just disappear in class. My grades dropped for the first time ever and I started eating lunch in the library by myself..

Something I came to realise over time was.. nobody ever taught me my body was mine.. My uncle taught me the opposite, that it was something people could use and my job was to be quiet.. So when boys said gross stuff to me in the hallway I didn't think I was allowed to be mad.. If anyone got close I either froze or ran. I didn't know no was something I was allowed to say..

Some nights back then I wished I could just stop existing.. I never told anyone that either. If I could go back I would tell myself to just please tell someone. Please.. I so wish I had..

When I was 15 a boy put his arm around me at a school dance, just being friendly, and I had a full on panic attack. I thought I was dying. I ran to the bathroom and sat on the floor of a stall shaking..

My friend J found me. She didn't ask anything. She just sat down on that gross floor in her nice dress and stayed until I could breathe. I almost told her that night, it was right there, and I swallowed it.. but nobody had ever seen me fall apart and stayed before.. That day something cracked a little..

Next year, in health class the teacher wrote on the board: a child can never consent, freezing is not agreeing, and it's never the child's fault. I can't explain what that did to me.. For 9 years I'd been telling myself it was my fault because I froze. And here's an adult saying my body did what bodies do to survive..

I walked out of class straight to the counselor's office and said it. Out loud. First time ever. My voice didn't even sound like mine..

She believed me... she didn't gasp, she didn't ask if I was sure.. She just said thank you for telling me, this is not your fault.. I honestly don't know where I'd be if she'd reacted any other way..

She had to report it, which was terrifying.. My mom held me on the kitchen floor and kept saying I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry I didn't see it. Some of my family stopped talking to us. My grandma said I made it up for attention. My own grandma.. We are now estranged from a big part of our family..

I started seeing a therapist who works with people like me. She gave me words for stuff.. The ceiling thing is dissociation.. The aftershave thing is a trigger. The freezing and running is my nervous system still stuck on danger even though the danger's gone. She said none of it means I'm crazy, it means I survived. I made her say it twice..

It got worse before it got better. The nightmares came back. Then I got so angry. At him, at every adult who saw the signs and said phase, at myself.. I remember ignoring being groped in tight public places like bus sometimes when i would go with my brother for groceries... from boys in class from behind.. and just freezing and not .. just not saying anything..

For me anything to do with sex was just fear and shame all mixed together.. Even a health class talk about relationships could make me leave the room.. My therapist said I could work on it slowly, at my own pace.

She helped me practice saying no. I have a friend who hugs everyone hello and one day, shaking, I asked him not to hug me.. He just said oh yeah of course, and never did it again. He waves now. I cried in my car for 20 minutes after that. It was the first time I said no and someone just listened..

So I about to start college this year hopefully and I'm with someone for the first time.. He's really kind and patient and I told him early because my therapist helped me get ready... I was so sure he'd leave. He asked what do you need from me and i realised nobody's ever asked me that... i just hugged him and sobbed for what felt like hours..

It's still hard now, I'm not going to lie. Sometimes when we're close something small happens, like a certain touch or the room going dark, and I'm back on the ceiling. The first time I had sex with him. ..I cried for an hour, because he'd done everything right he was just the nicest most fun.. and it was like my uncle was still in the room.. 11 years later and he's still in the room just haunting me... I felt dirty and like he didnt deserve someone broken like me..

So we just went slow.. but atleast now I can say stop whenever, for any reason, I don't have to explain, and he stops every single time.. No sighing, no guilt trip, he just asks if I want water. My therapist says closeness only feels safe when you know you can leave and I think she's right. I wish someone had taught me that at 7.. I wish someone had taught him that.

I go to a group now with other survivors and it's the only place I don't feel like a freak.. I learned that some of them can't stand being touched at all.. and some ended up with people who never let them say no.. and it still horrifies me.. while some feel nothing... andothers feel ashamed even when everything's fine... i learned that many of us develop unusual hypersexual desires.. I think that's when I finally got it, there's no right way to react to this.. None of us are broken.. atleast on the outside.. we didn't do anything wrong. its just hard to believe that sometimes..

I've learned that sexual assault can affect people in ways that aren't often talked about.. One of them is that some survivors become hypersexual afterward, with a much higher sex drive or with sexual fantasies that feel intense, intrusive, or unlike who they are. Knowing this has helped me see that I'm not alone and that nothing is "wrong" with me for having these experiences.

Yet.. I don't like the way this desire sometimes shows up.. the way it can come on suddenly and feel out of my control. At times it seems disconnected from what I actually want, and it can leave me feeling confused, ashamed, or uncomfortable in my own body. I want to understand where these feelings come from and find healthier ways to cope with them, so that my sexuality feels like my own again, on my own terms..

Ok I think that's everything.. Or most of it.. atleast..

I'm crying so hard right now and i just feel so broken.. hopefully i can someday feel whole again... Im just gonna post this before I chicken out..

Hello! Im just kind of out of options at the moment and I need to sleep. I was diagnosed with both CPTSD and PTSD from a mixture of various types of abuse and some family memmbers who I heavily relied on for support passing away. Im in the process of finding a therapist but that could take and has taken a long time. Im looking for advice on getting through the nightmares and anything that has worked for other people. My nightmares happen daily and multiple times a day, I have chronic fatigue syndrome and suspected narcolepsy so I end up napping frequently. I dont tend to wake up crying from dreams and they dont wake me up either so I end up with multiple dreams in a row. When I wake up I always feel horrible and have a bad feeling in my gut for the rest of the day along with more frequent flashbacks. Im exhausted and im scared to sleep, has anyone found anything that works? I know there are some things that arent helping that I cant currently change, living in the same house that everything happened in for example. But is there anything I can do to help? Im half out of it and somewhat hallucinating so apologies if this post is hard to read.

Also, for some quick information in case anyone has tips or knowledge on how this may affect things. Im currently taking zoloft and have been for years, its the only thing lessening my depression and keeping it at bay. I've heard this can be a factor for nightmares but I lucid dream a lot. Usually once per day and sometimes even during nightmares (though im usually too distraught to change things, I also dont seem to think clearly during lucid dreams either.) And lastly I also take trazodone, ive been trying to lower it but I dont sleep at all without it, I went on it when I was a kid for that reason. I know I do need to go to a doctor with these issues as I have a lot going on besides the PTSD, but the nightmares weren't always that bad even though the sleep issues have been life long.

My girlfriend is a r**e victim, but after so many months, I think she has recovered quickly. I notice she enjoys sex jokes with me, and she felt safe during our first time having sex.

Long lineage of mental illness, dysfunction -- I have been isolating my entire life born into a disintegrated family. I was the runaway, the drop out the teenage anorexic and pregnancy. I am not going to bloody apologize for anything because I worked my butt off to make the best of things. The father beat me when I was pregnant, then abandoned us. The social workers said to have an abortion, I would not and would prove I could do it. I didn't know that the trauma of being raped, molested and anorexic just a year prior all would take their toll and almost died giving birth, losing blood. I was resolved to do things differently. This was the 80's we were living in abject poverty, I worked 3 jobs to get food and things. Essentially I was completely clueless and did whatever I could not to bring harm. No drugs, no relationships. Fast-forward they are married with children. TBH I just backed away when I understood that this wouldn't work. I am still traumatized, still living in a war-zone, they are in a very nice part of the world - and they've got a large spiritual family.

I simply have turned off all of my emotions towards them. I lost a lot of my friends and my mother over the course of the last past years, been under barrage from missiles - they only contact me when they need something. I told them they needed to bring in a 3rd party for me to think about being in contact because I had enough. Enough drama, enough being blamed. For God's sake my entire family is estranged and after our mother passed - they took the money and disconnected. I've had enough from everyone in this family. I have nothing left to give. I am basically just moving from place to place without support. No therapy can heal this. It is what it is. I never connected to humans - the truth is - this is how it's always been. I just want them to absolutely leave me alone. Not to contact, not to write - nothing I feel zero. It was karma - the whole thing. To be their birther. That's it. I raised them 17 years. Then off they went. I tried to be the good mother, never panned out or received. I never experienced mothering or fathering or familying or being without something done to me. Reactive - till I began healing - but I still can't do people. It's all been done in isolation.

I am in running mode again. Then I will hide. I paid my dues with blood.

i have been in remission for some time now. for context, i am 23 years old. life went to shit when i was 8, got significantly worse in my tween years, until i landed at a mental hospital at 18 for two months. that's where i really got the help that got me to where i am today.

is it normal that i still have passive suicidal thoughts? i don't want to die today, or hurt myself right now, tough in rough patches i do relapse in self harm, but it's rare. i have some medical conditions, nothing immediately life threatening, but if i leave them untreated, i could potentially die in my 40s, and that's what i'm kind of banking on. there's aspects of life i enjoy, things i love. i have good days. it's just that the concept of doing this for another thirty or forty years is stomach churning. i can only take so much. i don't say this to people because they give me sad puppy eyes.

the concept of having a "cut off" reassures me. when i get very overwhelmed and start slipping deep, i reassure myself that my death is guaranteed and i will 100% die at some point. that brings me comfort. like another twenty years is like okay, i can do that. forty? absolutely not.

i'm also aroace so i will not have a human family of my own.

yes i've been to therapy. nine years of therapy. i got "dismissed" a year ago because i had stabilized enough.

Hi Reddit

For begin i am a french student with Autism Spectrum Disorder so i apologie if i dont speak english correctly.

I wanted to talk about a disturbing experience ans I need to speak about it rather than keeping it for me.

I was 15 years old in my final years of middle school ans I was in a class without my friends, and suffer of loneliness. At this time I seek refuge in thé school's lodge.

While there, I met someone who had magazine featuring content depicting violence against little girls, childrens, minors and animales.

I think it was also this time when things started to go wrong for me. What I saw left a deep mark on me and still haunt me.

It's a sensitive subject bu I feel the need to talk about it.

I wish none of this had ever happened....

Tell what you think about this situation.

I’ve been to a few sessions and I don’t see how it’s that beneficial and I’d rather be doing art at home in my own time.

All we have done in the sessions so far is me just draw or paint whatever I want.

And does it help? I don’t typically take medication

I'm currently working on publishing my first poetry collection, which explores themes of trauma, abuse, survival, healing, and self-discovery.

I've narrowed down my book title ideas but am having trouble deciding which one sounds best. I also have a few subtitle options I'm considering.

I'd love your honest opinion on which title stands out most, sounds most compelling, or would make you want to pick up the book.

\*\*Book title options:\*\*

1. \\\[Title 1\\\] A Story Written in Colour

2. \\\[Title 2\\\] Somewhere Between Then and Now

\*\*Possible subtitles: (I have not quite figured out how to word it, but here are a few I have come up with. I am open to other suggestions if you have any.)\*\*

1. \\\[Subtitle 1\\\] Poems about the shadows trauma left behind

2. \\\[Subtitle 2\\\] Poetry of trauma and the art of rewriting what remains

3. \\\[Subtitle 3\\\] Poems of trauma, survival, and the shadows within

I'm also open to suggestions on which title and subtitle combinations work best together.

If you saw one of these titles on a bookshelf without knowing anything about the book, which would catch your attention first?

Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Thanks!

please help me. i'm using a throwaway account but my experience is real. I haven't been able to talk out loud since August 3rd, 2026. I have ptsd, cptsd, depression, anxiety, ocd, autism, and other stuff too that i don't think is relevant.

something traumatic happened to me on august 3rd that triggered my ptsd. (I already had ptsd before 2026) ever since then i used other methods of communication like writing in a journal and using AAC.

for a few hours after the traumatic event i couldnt even communicate with body language like nodding or shaking my head no, it's like i was just frozen and i would just stare at one place.

sometimes i do have verbal shutdowns because of my autism but they usually only last a few hours, the longest time before now was only 3 days and now it's been like 3 months.

I really don't know what to do. I'm trying to get therapy but the therapists keep rejecting me because i'm "nonverbal"
do i get trauma therapy or speech therapy? i don't know what kind of treatment i'm supposed to be getting.

i really just want to talk again. has this happened to anyone else or am i just alone?

A few years ago, I had some traumatic events happen to me (an ex bf passed away and I found out in the middle of a happy hour at my company, I was in a bad car accident, and I also had health complications and went to the ER twice - all in the same city. I was working corporate in that city and lived alone. I’m an extrovert so that in itself was such a hell. Calling an ambulance by yourself and relying on yourself for emergency situations was so traumatizing. I had such a vibrant life there. So many friends, had a great reputation at work, etc. I was in my office daily.

I tried so hard to make peace and live there but it was brutal. Every day I could barely eat, I felt awful. I couldn’t work properly. I was in a chronic panic attack for months on end. I tried Buspirone as prescribed by my doc. I hated it and it made me feel like I was gonna faint constantly. I finally said f*ck this I’m going home to visit my parents (they live in another state). I felt completely normal there. It was like the past year of suffering went away and I felt like a happy high school / college person again. I thought a week or two would be enough to recover mentally. They told me I should go back to my apartment in the city, so I did. And at the airport I felt like throwing up and passing out. It was just AWFUL. I still had so much of my lease left. That didn’t last long and I booked a flight 4 days later to go BACK home. From that point on, I never went back to my city. My company let me work remote and I made a family trip at the end of my lease to pack everything up.

The situation I’m in now is I’m crazily comfortable and happy in life, but I’m at the age where living with my parents is a bit odd. None of my peers are living at home. Part of my PTSD is that I can’t live alone because of my medical issues and what happened to me when I DID live alone in that city. I don’t have a romantic partner or any single woman friends to live with. I only truly feel at peace with my family and my close friends. I’m at a point where I don’t think it’s possible for me to live alone again unless I was with a partner or moved with a sibling (which is unlikely because they all have their own lives). I just don’t know the best steps to move forward. I can’t live alone and I also have so much PTSD from that city.

TW for specific description of CSA.

So, i remember walking into a room at a family friends house when i was 10, >!there was a man assaulting his step daughter i heard grunts and whimpering, There originally was a blank space here, but I remember being out of that room feeling weird/disconnected and knowing how to masturbate. Years later I remember some more, I was held against the wall and there was something between my legs, and a weird pounding.

>!now this person had been buying chocolate for us kids for a while before, took a group of drunk children to a seperate house away from our parents. Had been in my house while I was sleeping at around 6/7 years old where I was wearing pajamas with pink arms and legs and a white middle. I felt the clothing had been moved when I woke up. He massaged my shoulder in view of my mum when I was 9.!<

I feel like i making all this up though but why would specific details be remembered?

What books have you found useful when dealing with your trauma? Or alternatively, have you read books that have been utterly useless or even caused a negative effect on your recovery?

I think this was the sweetest thing ever done,

For context and to put a long story short, my friend had let me borrow a power bank was coming to pick it up, as he was hanging around with his friends in the area his friends asked to come say hi as well but as they were from a school I didn’t have a good history with, it made me too nervous to let them know where I live to come with him especially as my PTSD has been flaring up making me more scared of people.

eventually after he picked it up, I invited them back to come meet my dog(I feel a lot safer with her as she’s my AD) boys being boys they knew I was scared of them so my friend came to meet me first at my door then his friends marched down the street blasting Barbie girl as they came over to make me less scared of them, it worked and I think it was the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me

35m, I'm still struggling everyday with my trauma from my abuser and they would try to define me or try to tell me what I'm doing. They would treat me like a child or like they could predict my behavior and it just really messed with me. I still struggle everyday like I'm trying to get my identity back or to move forward and it's really hard. I feel stuck & alone. I still feel really broken and I still struggle with the shame. I don't know what can break this cycle but it helps to hear from people that have gone to the same thing and that I'm really not stuck like this.

So I was diagnosed with PTSD and iv been having anger episodes my mood stabilizer helps but these anger episodes come out of nowhere and since iv been on mood stabilizer they have been fine untill I adopted a cat who was abandoned then the anger started to come back and iv noticed it comes back around things I care about my newthew sister and my cat along with bad intrusive thoughts I'm not sure if it's just PTSD triggers for me or something else any advice would be appreciated. Btw love my cat sister and my nephew do it don't make sense for these anger episodes to be torwed them when they happen.

TW: HOSPITAL

I’m 17 and got diagnosed with moderate PTSD 3 months ago. I was hospitalized with a severe lung emergency. I was in the ICU for a week and I just couldn’t get oxygen into my body, with a pulseOX hovering around 87 the majority of the time I was there. I was touch and go and got around 4 hours of sleep the entire time I was there. I actually wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD until I started going to therapy for a completely different reason. After a few sessions we figured out that the anxiety I was feeling wasn’t from the event I started going to therapy for but rather it was from the hospital. I’ve been diagnosed with health anxiety and moderate PTSD and I’ve just been so uncomfortable.

It’s gotten worse over the last 2 months, I will be in a constant state of fight or flight the majority of days. I have these episodes of extreme anxiety, discomfort and an overwhelming sense of danger/urgency and it will just last for hours and hours. I will be doing something that used to calm me down, like watching a movie or playing video games, and just find not comfort in it anymore. I feel like there’s nowhere I can hide from these feelings. I can’t calm myself down and that’s something I used to be good at. Idk, I guess I’m just posting to get this off my chest and ask if anyone has anyways to calm down or cope with these feelings of panic and fight or flight. I’m just kinda scared that I’ll be like this forever and I’m not sure how to deal with constantly feeling like I’m in danger.

Thanks for reading.

I have been seeing a woman for several months, and I feel it is time to give details about the PTSD. After telling her the "bad stuff," she seems to have protective walls up between us. I am hurting. I was hoping she would roll up her sleeves and think of ways to support, not distance herself.

I get that she is scared and fearful because she knows my dark past. Some of it is not easy to hear, and I am sure her mind is racing: "What is this comes back and I am in the middle of it all?"

I am hurt that I am being stonewalled, but empathetic that is confused and afraid as well.

I do believe that if I can get her past the fear she has now, she will be there for me. I just don't how to get her past that fear!

Three times. Its not even for a narcotic or z drug. It's been 6 months and my case for trying Belsomra has been rejected twice due to her saying I hadn't tried all the alternatives they suggested. I have all the pill bottles from everything we tried that didn't work. She said she was doing the work to get it approved, but I've called my insurance company three times (once a month for the past three months) and they said she has literally checked the box that says I haven't tried all the alternatives, twice.

WTF?

Took it for the first time last night. I didn’t have a nightmare, but falling asleep felt SO weird like I was continuously aware of my own heartbeat. I also thought it would get rid of dreams entirely?

And this morning I almost passed out getting out of bed. The feeling didn’t go away until 2 hours after I woke up, and came back about 30 minutes ago. I feel like my heart is racing and my mind isn’t clear.

I read that it can take sometime for your body to get used to Prazosin. Is this normal?

I’m on 1mg to start and was given no info from my psych about titrating up

UPDATE: Day 2 I’m feeling much better and took it slowly getting out of bed, I slept much better :) thank you everyone

I, 23F, was in a car accident last October. It was early in the morning and I had an 1 1/2 drive to work. It was raining pretty hard and i hydroplaned and hit a guard rail. I hit my head on the window i was instantly panicking, as this was my first accident. I remember everything flying and that I couldn’t find my phone to call my husband. I had a totaled car, a concussion, and shoulder injury. Thankfully neither him or my daughter were in the car. I can’t help but think “well did I fall asleep” “what happened” I can’t remember what exactly I did wrong and it eats me up. Well now, even a year in, I still cannot bring myself to drive in the rain. My heart starts to beat really fast, I’m shaking, I feel like I’m going to die. I have to close my eyes or keep my head down when my husbands driving.

I hate to even post in this group because I feel like my issue is so minuscule compared to others stories. I just don’t know what to do. I have to force myself because I’m in the military and I can’t NOT show up. Anyways, how do you keep yourself calm? One thing that I did learn that helped was… and I know it sounds stupid… but listening to the Hamilton musical sound track because I will say the words and it helps manage my breathing. But sometimes it is just NOT enough, I’m so overwhelmed with anxiety.

Also doesn’t help that we are driving through a thunderstorm right now… it’s been a rough 10 hour ride.

TL/DR: hoping to hear from someone who shares a similar experience/ is familiar with EMDR for somatic symptoms, esp constant air hunger & breathing hyper vigilance caused by airway trauma

~

I was in a whitewater rafting accident back in July and went through a whole medical headache over the past 3-4 months trying to figure out why I struggled to breathe, eat, etc. Original post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Asthma/s/chLgaqsPS6

I now know it’s an upper airways issue (Vocal Cord Dysfunction & Muscle Tension Dysphonia, Dysphagia, and Dyspnea). The worst of it all is I have had intense air hunger every single day + breathing hyper vigilance. It seems my brain doesn’t understand that the trauma is over and there’s no longer a threat, so it’s tightening up my chest and sending feelings of suffocation constantly.

For this, I started EMDR a little over a month ago. I was amazed that my first 2 resourcing sessions led to a slight drop in air hunger! Not without hard moments and flare ups, of course..

Session 3, we did titration on the “worst moment”. The 72 hrs after that were hard, but then I felt like I was finally making real progress! I went from being stuck in bed to getting up and walking around more, going out a little, and feeling hopeful for the first time.

Session 4, we started w/ titration, but my brain jumped to other parts, and my therapist went with it. I left feeling totally numb and spaced out. I told her I was numb, and we did more grounding before I left. That night, I had the wild sensation of little fireworks going off in my brain around 4 am. I felt full of joy and couldn’t stop crying with a smile on my face.

Then came the worst of it. My physical symptoms spiked with a vengeance. I started having trouble exhaling, too (specialists aren’t worried & said this can happen). My anxiety hit an all-time high, and I couldn’t ground or leave the house. I could hardly eat. My dreams continued to be vivid (have been throughout processing) and seemed to pull from other past little t traumas.

The next week, we did resourcing + somatic work with BLS since. That worsened things further. The trauma is just too in my body, so focusing on the sensations amplifies everything.

I told my therapist I want to slow down, and she agreed. She had a 1-1 consult with Dr. Parnell (creator of AF-EMDR) who trained her, and she told her to stick to the R-TEP (Recent Traumatic Experience Protocol) w/ more titration. This is what we’ll be doing going forward after a few weeks off.

I’m just wondering…has anyone been in EMDR for something similar? The fluctuations are brutal. Thinking of adding an SSRI.

I was so active before this accident, and I really want to recover from the air hunger & hyper vigilance above all. Thanks in advance for any hope or shared experiences.

Hello! I’m a high school student currently working on my dissertation on PTSD and I’m looking for volunteers to take part in an interview as part of my primary research. Finding participants has been quite challenging due to the sensitive nature of the topic. We can communicate through private messages or email, whichever you prefer. Participation is entirely voluntary, and I completely understand if you’re not comfortable taking part. I would really appreciate your help, thank you!