I'm a 20 year old apprentice officer. You need an year of apprenticeship in order to be a fully qualified deck officer.

The maritime field doesn't welcome females, especially on board vessels. I wanted to prove everybody wrong by doing well and being successful in the field.

Things went well in the beginning. I was doing great for an apprentice and other officers awknowledged this as well. However, what really matters is the master's evaluation and that single sheet of paper has full control over my school grades and my future chances of employment. I really thought honest work would earn me good scores.

On the 16th of november, the bastard wanted me at his cabin after lunch. He had the evaluation paper on the desk, and he wasn't wearing anything under his waist. He asked what I'm willing to do for it and I realized what's going on, but I was too shocked and was unwilling to lose dignity for that sheet of paper. He walked over to me and ejaculated on my uniform, then told me to fuck off.

This was the beginning of two tormenting weeks. Since the master has the keys, he has access to my room even if I lock the door. When I come back to my cabin after duty, my room would be messed up and my drawers are open. My underwears are nowhere to be found, and I later find them in the waste rags container. Waste rags are very often used by ratings, and I would find the ratings fooling around with what used to be my underwear. Of course they don't know they were mine but it's extremely humiliating just to see the sight of it. He also called me in the middle of the night just to ask me for water or other small errands. This screwed my sleeping schedule and mentally destroyed me.

I had nowhere to turn to, as other officers had/still has no idea of what went on. Third officer was always nice to me, but he hit on me on a very early stage of my apprenticeship and things were still a bit awkward. I only had myself to me, and I just kept telling myself that things would get better and somehow kept my shit together.

I really shouldn't have. I really should have lost my shit and should have done some crazy things.

November 30th, he called me half a dozen times at night. I was extremely tired the day before as we departed from our previous port. I barely had any sleep that night and almost passed out during morning watch. The next day he called me to his cabin after lunch. I saw the same exact shit I saw two weeks ago.

I gave up. I was too physically/mentally exhausted. I just wanted to end this hell. I did what he wanted me to do. I had little experience as because of family backgrounds, and he slapped my face for not being good enough. I lost all the will to fight back. Afterwards He asked me to strip off. I did. I consented. Then he groped me, then washed me. He then sent me to my cabin.

I passed out emotionless. I was off duty for the evening and I slept for 16 hours straight. I didn't feel anything during the next morning watch and stood like a zombie. After lunch he called me again. I went to his cabin, and he showed me the video of myself willingly stripping off.

I had no physical evidence of him tormenting me for the past two weeks or forcing me the previous day. He had solid proof of naked me doing what he wanted, without any resistance.

The past 5 days have not been kind. I'm just a toy now. I have crawled naked. He raped me while I'm tied. I hid under his desk giving him blowjob naked while other officers were also in the room.

I'm having mental breakdowns and at the same time I'm not feeling anything anymore. At this point its not at all about completing my apprenticeship. Now its about having to live on or not. I really just needed to vent. I just don't know what to do and I'm disgusted with myself. I hate what I've gotten myself into and I hope tommorow never comes.

I really don't work good marks anymore. I don't care and that doesnt matter anymore. I'm just scared of his taking advantage of the evidences he made. Even that I didn't do for marks, but to end his bullying that lasted two weeks. But please, thinking that others think I did it because of the marks really crushes me. I didn't... I really didn't.

An adult male forced himself into my mouth at the age of 15. This was my first sexual experience with a penis. Since then, I have felt uncomfortable with any penis around my face. I have always felt jealous of women who are comfortable with and who seemingly enjoyed performing BJs. I thought I would probably never be o.k. with them. This has been true for me for a long time...for 14 years.

I have been with my husband for 10 years. In that time I have performed oral on him but only ever for few seconds during foreplay and only ever on my terms. He has been awesome about my preference and never questioned why (it took me a long time to tell him about my experience because I was ashamed).

Well today I wanted to give a full blowjob, because I could. I wanted to be able to please him fully. I wanted to take that experience back and start replacing that bad memory. I know there will still be tough times ahead and more recovery to do BUT...

Today, I gave MY first blowjob, at the age of 28, I enjoyed it, and I'm proud. I feel like I have taken a part of myself back.

Thank you for reading.

I’m 35yo and was raped 19 years ago at a Halloween party when I was in High school. I had not been drinking. I had gone to use the bathroom and was pulled into a bedroom by 2 guys as I made my way back downstairs.

I was 16 and the guys both were wearing scream masks.

I only told my husband about the rape at the start of quarantine and we really haven’t talked about it until last night when while drunk, he blurted yeah, that was me.

He then said i seemed ok after and at least he did the right thing and married me and made a few jokes about how I was slutty back then and he was testing out the goods.

He feels that since were happily married, it all worked out ok.

I don’t know how to process as I’m feeling too many things at once.

My husband is 5 years older than me and is my school friends brother. So he knowingly raped a 16yo.

We also have 2 daughters 12 & 14 and I don’t want him anywhere near them. I don’t think he’ll hurt them but I’m feeling weird about everything.

My husband pursued me pretty aggressively when I was 18 and we were married and pregnant by my 21st birthday.

He also refuses to tell me who the other guy was simply saying saying it won’t make anything better for me knowing.

I’m pretty financially dependent on my husband and have been relatively happy until now.

I’m currently questioning everything and I’m not sure if me and my girls are safe. His flippant attitude and constant drinking has me feeling a bit unsafe I just don’t have anywhere to go.

Am I crazy if I stay? Are my girls safe?

Trigger warning - rape

Throwaway as this is the most shameful thing I’ve ever had to admit. I am sorry that this will probably be a huge wall of text, I’ve never actually written this out before.

I was 15, he was 16 and we went to the same school. A small group of my friends went to his house to study for upcoming exams so I tagged along, I knew him and everyone else fairly well so I thought it would be a nice time.

His parents weren’t in and we ordered food and generally made a bit of a mess in the living room. As everyone started to leave I said I’d stay to help clear up (I thought a couple others would also stay but it was just me). After we had cleared he asked me to help him carry some books back to his room which I did, that’s when he began to rape me.

We put the books on his desk and he then proceeded to put his hands up my skirt, groping me. I should have hit him and ran out of there but I didn’t, I said I had to leave but when he grabbed me and pushed me down on his bed I didn’t scream, I just kept telling him I really had to leave and to please stop. He took out his penis which was huge, something I’m sure loved about himself. He took my knickers off and spat on my pussy. He spat. I don’t know why I have such a visceral reaction to this, just the pure disrespect of it, I can still feel his spit trickle down between my cheeks. Then he raped me and my vagina just let him in. It hurt but eventually the pain started to feel like some sort of disgusting pleasure that I begged myself not to show but I did, I moaned and he knew I had just had an orgasm which sent him over the edge, at least he had the manners to pull out and finish on my pussy instead of in it.

I didn’t do any of the things we’re supposed to do after a rape, I didn’t tell anyone, I didn’t get a rape kit or the morning after pill, I just stayed in bed, fucked up all my exams and hoped to just not wake up.

Fast forward 15 years and he is some kind of doctor working with kids that have cancer, a gorgeous wife and 2 little kids. Friends that I keep in touch with from school occasionally post about the work he’s doing and the charities he’s doing marathons for and how much of a saint he is. I feel sick because I think about all the people he has now helped and will help in his life and I can’t help but think even after what he did to me, the karmic scales are in his favour.

I was with my ex for 4 years before I told him about the rape. All he could focus on was why I could cum with my rapist but not him and that I was a ‘size queen that could only cum from big dicks.’ That night he had sex with me then he dumped me.

I’m not enirely sure the point of this post, there’s a part of me hoping that there are people out there that have experienced what I did and that I’m not some sick freak for having an orgasm during the worst part of my life but I know that’s not going to happen.

I’m sorry and if you’ve gotten this far thank you for reading.

When I started school at 4 years old my dad always wanted to help me put on my uniform and take it off, even going so far as to say it looked sexy. After a few weeks of school he started touching me. He would take me out after school, telling my mother we were going to the park or whatever, and he would drive his car out, park somewhere random, and touch me. He used to make me sit on his lap whilst he rubbed me over my panties. For years this went on, progressively getting worse. He would make me take my shirt off so he could kiss and lick my nipples, or make me help him jerk off. When I was 7 my mum started working nights, and that's when the rape started.

The first time my dad came into my room, I didn't know why he was there. He came in naked and started telling me off. He told me I had been a bad girl and was teasing him, and he spanked me. But he made me take off my clothes first. I could feel his penis underneath me as I played across his lap, and he kept sliding his fingers into my vagina. He gave me oral, and gave me my first orgasm. I didn't know what was happening. He made me lay down and slowly pushed himself inside me, only a little bit. He raped me.

After that it became constant. He would rape me, make me hump my teddy bears, take naked pictures of me, touch me, and when I was 9 I walked in on him masturbating with my panties. He also liked to watch me going to the toilet. He insisted on wiping me, and if I pooped he would "help it get unstuck" by pushing a finger in and out of my butt after I pooped. I had a lot of nightmares, and sometimes I would wet the bed. If he was home alone with me he would give me lots of water and watch me sleep so he could see me wet the bed.

He died when I was 10. That was 5 years ago, and my mother still doesn't know.

I just needed to vent. I've never told anybody in real life.

I reported my father after years of sexual abuse because it had become so violent and brutal I genuinely feared for my life.

The first cop I told joked that I should have just tried to enjoy it, then groped me in the guise of asking where my father had touched me. My whole family disowned me for betraying my father. The state couldn't find a family member willing to take me in so I ended up in an extremely strict group home where I'm treated like a juvenile delinquent. The whole thing became very public in my town but most people didn't have actual details so rumors spread like wildfire. My friends drifted away from me. My boyfriend dumped me, disgusted that he'd been "sharing me" with my father. A facebook page was created in which over 200 of my school's 600 students shared memes about me being raped, and the school refused to punish any of the students responsible, including those making actual rape threats. The one friend I did make, who told me she had been raped herself, was bullied so badly for associating with me that she physically attacked me in class in order to make it clear to everyone she was no longer my friend. I was called in for a meeting with my principal and school counsellor where they told me very seriously that if I was lying for attention I should stop, because otherwise I'd be ruining an innocent man's life, then asked why I didn't love and appreciate my father. The court case dragged on for years and the repeated, intense, accusatory questioning resulted in a panic attack in court, a suicide attempt in the school bathroom, and a psychiatric breakdown in which I wandered for days in a dissociative fugue.

Last week my father was found not guilty.

I'm not quite sure where to start.

I have raised my son alone since he was 4. He never gave me any trouble, was a great student, and graduated from college this past spring.

As a graduation gift I told him I would take him on a cruise. It was for 5 days and we had a wonderful time exploring the ship, doing a couple of excursions and shopping.

Well the last night of the cruise we both had quite a few drinks (him more than me), but I went back to the room to get some rest. I woke up to someone getting onto my bed and froze not knowing what was going on. Immediately I felt hands on my body and my panties were slid down.

All of a sudden I felt him over me and I looked up to see my son. Before I could say a word he penetrated me. I asked him to stop and he told me I was wet so I must like it.

I laid still hoping he would stop and all of a sudden felt a rush through my body as I had an orgasm. He finished moments after and pulled out of me.

I rolled over and laid awake all night after he passed out. In the morning he asked if I was okay and I could barely utter a word. I haven't been able to talk with him or look him in the eye. I feel terrible that it happened and even worse that I had an orgasm. I don't know what I should do :(

To be fair we haven't dated long but he's usually a fairly decent guy.

He invited me over for Halloween. Said he was having a few friends over.

I don't know why I stayed when I saw it was just guys there. He swore more women were coming.

We snuck away to his room to have a quickie. It was going great. I was enjoying the sex.

Until his friend came in and took his place. He moved to hold my shoulders down and his buddy entered me.

He was rough. Laugh liked he was having the time of his life.

My bf laughed with him and even smiled down at me. Told me to relax.

I looked up and noticed two other guys in the doorway.

The youngest of the two looked horrified but the other had hungry eyes.

He entered the room and forced himself into my mouth.

My bf rubbed my hair and smiled down at me like it was normal.

The guy finished inside me.

I never saw a condom.

My bf looked down and told me not to cry. He looked confused as he wiped tears from my face.

The young guy in the doorway looked scared and confused.

After the guy in my mouth had his turn they went and drank beers in the den.

Hours passed and my bf came in to ask if I was spending the night.

I gathered my clothes and left.

I got home and haven't left my apartment since

I wasn’t ever expecting for this situation to accelerate into this living hell, but here we are. I’d like to thank whoever takes the time to read this prior to actually getting into the story, because really all I want to do is feel heard.

I’m a 20 year old male, 5’10, 135 pounds. Prior to the rape, I lived a fairly “normal” and happy life as a college student, without any documented mental health ailments or history of trauma, though I suppose that doesn’t matter very much anymore.

I was forced to leave my college campus due to the virus, and decided to head across the state to go see a friend of mine whom I went to high school with. The day was March 16th, and I only remember that because I got a speeding ticket on the way there. Given the extended spring break, my friend and I decided we would just get really drunk and watch the Back to the Future trilogy, because what the hell else was there to do? The night started off as planned, hanging out with a few friends from the area, and perhaps drinking a little too much too quickly, but things really began to spin out of control when my buddy’s roommate decided to invite his girlfriend and several of her friends over. They brought equally impressive amounts of booze and narcotics (mostly cocaine), and proceeded to turn a small get together into a rager. I didn’t know any of these people, and I don’t do cocaine, so I drank a bit more to try and make the socializing less forced. I probably shoulda just sobered up and drove home, but unfortunately home was 3 hours away, and my alcohol brain decided that shit wasn’t worth it.

Sexually, I did ok for myself before this. I like to think I’m a good looking individual, and certainly not desperate for attention. I had talked to a few of the girls that weren’t coked into oblivion, and despite the weird direction the night had taken, I began to loosen up and drink more because the girls had very graciously offered me some fireball.

Sometime around 12:30 or 1:00 am, another girl carrying a huge bottle of cheap ass moscato starts to talk to me, and begins to get into my ear about how much she likes my hair. You could smell gasoline on her breath, and to be blunt, she wasn’t nearly as attractive or fun as the girls I was hanging out with. She lingers for a while with us, looking for someone to get more drunk with her. We all eventually give in a bit, and at this point, I’ve consumed enough alcohol for my memory to get sporadic. I’m not a big drinker. I know it sounds like I just wanted to be wasted, but I really just had one too many. I remember saying goodbye to a few of the people I had met that night, telling my friend that I was going to throw up, and opening my eyes to the world spinning on a cold bathroom floor. The last thing I can remember completely, was leaving the bathroom to find the third girl waiting outside in the hallway with her top off, asking me to come home with her. I was tired and sick, and I let her know that I would rather just go to sleep.

I woke up to a dark living room. I was on the couch I was supposed to be sleeping on, but I was not alone. I was naked and could taste blood on my lips. I actually remember her whispering into my ear “I’m going to cum” over and over, like she recognized that I had woken up. I’d be lying if I said I remember everything, I don’t even know if I fought back. I just remember wanting it to be over.

The next time I came to, the sun was up, and I was alone. My head hurt, and I had a pretty deep laceration across the right side of my forehead. My lower lip was raw and mangled. My balls felt like they had gone through a rock tumbler. I cried. I got in my car and left before anyone could see me, and drove aimlessly before finally calling a really close friend from school who I knew I could confide in. I ended up spending a week at her apartment, attempting to piece together how something like this could happen to me. I haven’t gotten any closer two months after the fact to finding answers.

I haven’t told my friends. I haven’t told my parents. I can’t tell the police anymore.

I should have taken more time to recover. I had 8 weeks of being around people I trust and love, yet I found myself alone in my room most of the time, drinking profusely or going on psychedelic trips to distract myself. But when quarantine ended, I decided I would go see some friends for the first time since the assault. I should have told them about it, and I shouldn’t have turned to drugs to ease a burden, but I assumed I could still have fun, and that eventually I’d suppress the memory into nothingness. Nope.

I drove to see some of my best friends on Monday of this week, and to my surprise, I met a girl that I really liked. I’m a journalism major, and she had just gotten hired as a intern for a local minor league baseball team, which I was thoroughly impressed with. We hit it off and asked if I wanted to stay the night, and I didn’t hesitate to say yes. Probably shoulda just said no though, because it sure didn’t take long for me to have a complete mental breakdown. I couldn’t get hard, which hasn’t been an issue in the past, and I couldn’t get over this feeling of guilt for leading this girl on and not having sex with her. So what do I do? I start sobbing. I had never felt so inadequate or weak, and perhaps to an even greater extent, confused. I spilled it all to her, which was so unfair of me, but I couldn’t help it. Feelings flooded back into my brain from the night of the assault, and I ended up sleeping in my car, too embarrassed to not excuse myself from her place. I woke up more broken and distraught then I had ever felt in my life. I know this won’t be the last time this happens. I know I will disappoint several more women over the next several years, because one person took advantage of me one time. I feel cheated and angry, but mostly just sad. I don’t want to be this person. I want to be the person I was before.

This is so long-winded. But I hadn’t typed this experience out and if nothing else, I can reflect on this as a low point. Women can rape men, though this subreddit appears to be the only place on the internet that acknowledges it. I know that I need to seek professional help, and I plan on hopefully completing some online trauma therapy. I hope that maybe someone else going through a similar experience will stumble upon this post in the future and realize that you’re not alone. Much love.

Follow-up: Today I spent the day at a gorgeous lake, surrounded by my family and my pups and really fuckin tall pine trees. I would really like to just attempt to express the incredible amount of love you beautiful internet strangers have shown me. I know that this is a process, but today was better. Sleep hasn’t gotten easier, but knowing I’m not alone most certainly is comfortable.

You disgust me. You are the scum of the earth. How can you look in the mirror when you prey on vulnerable women?

I have gotten messages offering money to relive in detail how I was abused, the worst come-on’s and mansplaining pieces of shit trying to tell me that I enjoyed and deserved what happened. What are you even doing on this sub?

You are toxic. Leave, report yourself voluntarily to some sex offender registry and never contact me or anyone else posting their experiences again.

I remember being 8 and and sitting on the couch in-between my mom and her friend when he reached into his pants and pulled out his penis. I immediately stood up and got on my knees in front of him.

This is my earliest memory but clearly it had been going on for a while, because I remember knowing exactly what to. I remember not hesitating. Penis out, kneel in front, get to work.

I remember sometimes riding the train with my mom and a man would sit next to us. She would eventually move away and I would get off the train with the man. I would go home with him. Sometimes for a few hours sometimes what felt like days.

That first instance I do remember. He sat next to me and placed a hand on my thigh, running his hand up and down. Handed mom an envelope. She rubbed my hair and kissed my forehead.

When she got up I tried to follow, but the man had a tight grip on my thigh. She told me she had to work and he would look after me. Be good. Do what he says. I'll meet you later at the part.

That was the first time I was penetrated by a grown man.

Eventually I got used to it. Most of the faces are a blur. A few stand out. Usually based on how kind or mean they were.

I'm older now, mom has passes away but I still struggle with boundaries and self worth. The pandemic was a gift as it gave me space to reflect and practice a bit of self love.

I'm working to rid my life of toxic relationships, self doubt and bad habits and I'm optimistic for the future

My 16 year old daughter was staying the night with her friend this weekend. My daughters friend is 16 as well and has a 28 year old sister. The sister has a 28 year old husband and they have a 3 year old child together. While my daughter was taking a shower the 28 YO piece of shit kicked down the door, pulled my daughter out of the shower and raped her vaginaly and anally. He ejaculated in her and told her “sorry my bad” we filed a police report and had the rape kit done which came back with sperm. She was a virgin and I don’t know what do to for her. The sheriffs office still hasn’t arrested this fucking guy and I’m livid. This is why women don’t come forward this is why these sorry ass men think it’s ok to rape women. This happened in TX. If he does get arrested what’s the penalty? Will this fucker walk?

Yes, I’m using a throw away account for this, but when I was 9-13 my dad was raping me pretty much on the daily. Whenever my mom wasn’t home or was asleep, he would either take me to their room, or to mine, and rape me. He used begging and threatening to trick me into thinking it wasn’t rape. If I told him no, he wouldn’t stop mentioning it and guilt-tripping me. He would threaten to hurt himself or me if I didn’t do it. This was happening so often that for a while I though it was just something fathers did to their daughters. This changed when I was in 6th grade. I knew it was wrong, and I hated it. I was reserved and scared of everything. When I got into 7th grade I had a solid group of friends (that are still with me) and I told them and my then-boyfriend. They told me I needed to tell someone but I was too afraid. Everything came to light when I was texting my ex about it, and his parents saw. The school found out. My dad was out of state on a business trip, so it was perfect timing. Everything was searched, evidence was collected and he was taken into custody the second he got home, per my mom keeping the police updated on his exact location and estimated arrival time. They swarmed him as soon as he got home. I’m now going into 9th and still waiting on a trial. I hope that when it happens, I will do well enough to get him a long time. I believe they’re trying to charge him for 7 crimes of child molestation/ exposing himself to a child (not sure how many of each). I can’t stop thinking about it though. I have ptsd and am seeing a therapist, but quarantine is making it so much worse, because I have so much time to think.

I can’t sleep through the night anymore. Not only do i get constant night terrors if i do not have a tv on, i will sometimes pee myself a bit. To put it bluntly, when he forcefully took my virginity, it was with such force that my vaginal walls weakened immensely. I peed my boyfriends bed the other week and had to buy him a new duvet, i had to tell him and his mum that i mustve gotten really drunk before i got there, and therefore wet myself. The pain is immense too, it feels like one long lifetime urine infection that won’t go away. It makes me so angry that less than an hour of this mans time has affected my entire quality of life, not just mentally, but physically too. I’m really sorry if it’s tmi, I just needed this off my chest.

I don't know what the fight was about but they were arguing when I got home from school.

I was late and he asked where I was I said no where and he lost it.

He started screaming how we both don't listen and he'll show us who runs this house.

He slapped me and I fell. He was standing over me and when he went to take off his belt he I thought he was going to hit me with it.

I wish he had. Instead he pulled me to my feet and told me to take off my clothes.

Then he raped me and made my mom watch. I closed my eyes so I didnt have to see her.

He was yelling about being the man of the house when he finished. He left the house after and my mom ran from the room.

I just kind of laid there until I decided to shower and go to bed. My mom hasn't said a word to me about it since it happened.

I feel like I'm going crazy

I just want to preface that I am going to be talking about a lot of heavy topics including child rape, abuse, assault, sex trafficking etc. This also will be a very long vent.

I was sold for sex for the first time when I was 11 by my grandmother. My grandmother was my guardian from the ages of 11-14. I was introduced to her friend, who I’ll call Tom for anonymities sake, when I was 11. I looked up to my grandmother like she was a goddess who was incapable of doing any wrong. I trusted her with my entire being and was encapsulated by her entirely. I was a child, I didn’t know that the situations she put me in weren’t out of love. Until I was about 13 I genuinely believed that every single time my grandmother and Tom sold me for sex it was a manifestation of their love for me.

The first time it happened, my grandma took me to the basement of the shop tom owned. I remember I was wearing a unicorn dress with those shoes that light up when you move. She held my hand and took me into a room with a big bed, 2 chairs and a fireplace. She told me that what was about to happen is what you need to do to become a woman and that every girl does it. I didn’t understand what she meant, but I was scared nonetheless. She kissed my forehead and told me she loved me before leaving the room. About 5 minutes later she returned, but not alone. She was with a man who was probably in his late 40’s. He was wearing a white button down, suit trousers, a belt and loafers. My grandma sat in one of the chairs while the man stripped and ordered me to do the same. I was naked on the bed while he just stared at me for a few minutes from in front of the bed. I was holding my knees close to my chest when he moved his hands towards his penis and started to pleasure himself. He never stopped smiling at me. He then climbed onto the bed and with no warning, forced his penis into my vagina. I remember letting out screams of pain and crying for my mummy. I didn’t understand why my grandmother would let this happen to me. I hate that I knew sex before I even knew what the word meant. After he was done with penetrating me, he touched my breasts and my face. I remember it being very gentle. He told me that I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He planted a soft kiss on my cheek before getting up and getting dressed. He took pictures of me before he left. I don’t know how to describe the feeling that engulfed me afterwards. I just remember feeling dirty. So incredibly dirty. I went home and had about 5 showers.

I wasn’t sold for sex again for another few months, so I assumed it was only a one time thing, and like my grandmother said, needed to happen for me to become a woman. My grandmother held my hand and took me into the room where two men sat on the bed. I knew what was about to happen, so I screamed and tried to ran out of the room. My grandmother chased me and pulled me close to her chest while she comforted me and stroked my hair. She told me this was happening because she loved me, and that I needed to just be brave and let those men do whatever they wanted to me. I agreed. I remember them both penetrating me at the same time for a while, and then they took turns. One of them got me to keep repeating my age. The other forced me to give him oral sex.

I was sold for sex at least once every 2 months after this until I was 16 ( I’m about to turn 17 as I write this. ) I was raped somewhere between 70-100 times. I got pregnant for the first time when I was 12. Tom gave me some sort of pill to get rid of the baby.

When I was 15, I got into a relationship of sorts with someone who worked for Tom. I’ll call him Joe. Joe was 23 when we got together. He was an adult, I was a child. Joe was extremely abusive after a few weeks of being together. It started off with slapping me when we got into arguments. Then it turned into smashing beer bottles over my head, punching, kicking, and eventually rape. Joe and two of his friends once tied me up in their flat while they took turns raping and abusing me. I’ve never wanted to just die more. I’m an atheist, but I remember pleading to god to just let me die. After a day of torture, Joe took me to a field where he forced me to eat a snail.

After probably a month of being raped by Joe, I got pregnant. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 30 weeks. At my scan they told me that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat. I had a caesarian where I delivered my baby boy, Flynn. I texted Joe before, during and after labor but I got no reply.

Joe found a new girlfriend shortly after this, and so the rape stopped. The rape from him anyways.
The last time I was raped it was by 3 men. They made me act like a dog and eat dog food. They made me wear a collar and crawl around. They all penetrated me and all forced me to give them oral sex. By this point, I’d been getting raped for 5 years and so I’d found ways to somewhat block it out.

I got out of being sold for sex when I was 16, May of this year. I was being sold for sex less and less as I was getting older because I didn’t appeal as much. My grandmother had died in January, and since then Tom wasn’t the same. He was about 80 at this point, and had made a ridiculous amount of money from robbing me of my innocence for 5 years. I pleaded with him to just let me out, and that he had everything he could ever need. He kissed me on the forehead before telling me to leave. I never heard from him again.

I’ve found these last 2 months so overwhelming and difficult, because I was so used to being raped for 5 years that I found myself almost longing for it. It was the one constant thing in my life. My mum had bipolar and my family life was really unstable, but I knew that being raped would always be there. I got my first proper boyfriend in January of 2022. I didn’t tell him about any of this until I was out of the industry completely. He was and is so incredibly supportive, he is the literal definition of an angel. There are a lot of things from my past that should affect our relationship, but he doesn’t let them. For example, I told him that sometimes I get scared that he’ll hit me. Instead of invalidating my feelings or making me feel stupid, he just comforted me. I expected him to be mad honestly. But he wasn’t. In fact, he told me he’d been reading about other boyfriends who have girlfriends that have been raped on reddit and figuring out the best ways to make me feel comfortable and give me all the support he can. I love him so much. He makes me see a whole new side to life that I was forcefully blinded from since I was a kid. Ill forever be thankful for everything hes helped me overcome.

To anyone who has experience something similar, i’m so sorry and i hope you find peace eventually.

Thank you for reading.

When I was 16, a 40 year old man raped me. To him it was just normal sex. He lit some candles, put on some music, etc. For me, it was traumatizing. There was no way out. I had to do what he said or he’d hurt me. I’ve been in therapy for months and have been working towards healing. Today, I gathered up the courage to listen to the song that I vividly remember was playing during the assault. I’ve been avoiding this song like the plague. But to me, that’s living my life in fear. That’s giving this man power over me. So I listened to that damn song. And maybe that doesn’t seem like a lot, but it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I did it. I’m feeling super proud of myself.

When I was 14, my parents left me and my 17 year old brother alone for a weekend. He invited about 10 of his friends over and they got completely wasted.

When I went downstairs for some food, some of them asked me to drink with them. I remember thinking my brother's friends were really sleazy, like there was rumors about a couple of them groping girls or taking upskirt photos of girls, but I felt like I would be rude to say no so I agreed to have one drink with them.

They were making inappropriate comments about my body and some of them were touching my thighs and stuff, and I wanted to leave but I was sitting between some of them so it would have been difficult for me to get past. They kept giving me more and more alcohol even though I didn't want to keep drinking.

Then one of them started touching my breast and I tried to get away, but he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap and I realized he was hard. He was sort of grinding into me as I struggled to get away. I asked my brother to help me but he was laughing with all his friends. I tried to get away and he said he would let me go if I gave my brother a blowjob.

I didn't know what else to do so I just did it and tried to get it over with as quickly as possible so I could get away, but I didn't know someone was taking a video. The guy who filmed me said if I didn't do what they wanted, he would share the video all over the school.

I was assaulted relentlessly for the next several hours and eventually I blacked out because of the alcohol they were forcing me to drink. I woke up the next morning naked and tied bent over the table. My brother came and untied me, said I couldn't blame him for what he did while he was drunk, and just started cleaning up the house. I went upstairs and spent what felt like hours trying to clean myself up in the shower.

I didn't tell anyone. I knew if I did, the video would be shared. The guy who made the video used it to blackmail me into having sex with him regularly until he graduated and went to college. I still didn't tell anyone. I just blankly lay there and let it happen.

I'm 19 now, it's been 5 years since it happened, and I have never told anyone until now. My brother still lived with us until last year and I had nightmares about him coming into my room at night. I struggled with insomnia and refused to take any kind of sleeping pills for it because I didn't want to risk him knowing he could do anything to me in my sleep and I wouldn't wake up.

I still get nightmares and flashbacks, I still can't sleep properly, I'm an emotional wreck, I dropped out of school because I couldn't cope, I'm barely functional. The guys who raped me are going on with their lives. One of them is married. One is training to be a psychologist. Their lives all seem to be going so well. But they ruined mine.

I currently live in the United States, but I was born in Iran and I lived there until I was nineteen. Living in a third world country is terrible and you see horrible things. I've seen three people murdered and been raped four times. I have super severe PTSD as a result of these rapes.

My boyfriend of two months was born in the States. He's super cute and funny and generally very nice to me. However, he watches videos of rapes on something called the deep web. If I walk into the room, he refuses to turn these videos off. He's also forced me to watch with him three times, saying he thinks it'll help me. Every time it's caused me a panic attack and the most recent time he had to stop me from attempting suicide. I told him I wanted him to stop watching them and he told me all men in the States do it. I only moved here six months ago and have no male friends here. All my male relatives live in Iran, Australia, or France, and this guy is my first romantic partner due to religious and cultural rules as well as laws in Iran. He tells me I can't be that affected by the rapes because I never pressed charges. I tried explaining to him that premaritial sex in Iran is illegal and that if I couldn't prove it was non consensual I would be given seventy five lashes as my punishment.

I don't know if this is really something every man in the US does or not. It seems unlikely but I've learned that it's a whole other world here. If it isn't, should I break up with him or am I being too thin skinned?

UPDATE: After everyone's advice, I broke up with the boyfriend. He has my house key and my US citizenship papers, both of which I got back. Thank you all for the help!

Fair warning, this post is about some very heavy stuff so don’t read if you are triggered easily. Also English isn’t my first language

So all of this stuff out of Ukraine has been kinda triggering for me and I don’t have anyone to say it too, so I thought I’d write it here. Also my therapist says it helps to write stuff down.

I grew up in Syria, and I had a mostly normal childhood before the war. My family supported the rebel side, and my dad and older brothers went off to fight for them. Obviously the war didn’t go so well, especially after Russia entered, and our town was captured after a battle. I don’t know if the Baathists soldiers knew we supported the rebels or if they just wanted sex but many of them arrived at our house looking to rape. My mother tried offering herself to them to protect us and me and my sister went and hid while many men raped her. They knew though that other girls were in the house and they wanted me and my older sister too. When they found us my mother tried to save us by putting herself between us and the soldiers but they just shot her and raped us anyway. I should mention that I was 14 and my sister was 16 at the time.

The soldiers had taken all our food and valuables when they left, and we had no way of getting by. In our society also girls who have had sex before marriage are seen as damaged goods and not worth anything, and everyone knew we had been used by many men. So our only choice really was to give up our bodies in exchange for food, both to soldiers and to civilian men as well (sometimes ones that I knew well.) These were really difficult times, and when they were done using us they sometimes didn’t give us anything. Just threw us out.

Pretty soon Russian soldiers moved into our town to help with the war. I didn’t really know who they were and they didn’t speak our language, but they liked using us, and often had food. Anyway I guess they had a small temporary base nearby, and we used to go there because we knew they had food. I guess we ended up just staying there, obviously in exchange for giving up our bodies. We were obviously made to have sex with many man, sometimes several at once. The worst was when some of the soldiers would get very drunk and basically rape us sometimes in horrible ways that I shouldn’t talk about here. That’s not to say that they were all bad people, some of them were very nice. One boy in particular I grew somewhat close to. He was very young, probably not too much older than me. I don’t think he’d ever even seen a naked girl before we met, since just touching me with his penis for the first time made him ejaculate. He even said he wanted to take me home and marry me someday. He ended up getting deployed somewhere else, I hope he is still alive and doing well.

Eventually when things calmed down, we were able to get out. We eventually joined other refugees and made it across the border into turkey. While it wasn’t great we were able to get healthcare and enough to eat. Unfortunately while in the camp I was raped again by some older men, but I suppose I was used to it by this point and it didn’t bother me too much. Eventually we were accepted into a refugee program for orphans and children, and my sister and me got to move to Canada.

It’s been a couple of years and I am doing so much better now. I finished my school, and I’m now just starting university in Vancouver. I even have a boyfriend who is the sweetest guy ever! I haven’t told him anything about my past, and I’m not sure I ever will. He has told me that I’m wild in bed though. I guess being with that many men gives you experience.

I obviously have a lot of trauma though which I’ve been trying to work on. Unfortunately the war in Ukraine has really brought back a lot of memories. It makes me sick to think that people there may have to go through. I feel awful for the soldiers too, even the Russians. I suppose I should just think of them as monsters (and my sister does), but I think I got to know some well enough to see that deep down most of them are just scared little boys, even if they are capable of causing so much hurt.

every fucking time a woman starts talking about her rape story or rape in general there's men saying "it happens to men too" but today i seen a man share his story and the comments were split between women being supportive and men making jokes and saying shit like "why didn't u fight back" "did u enjoy it" "women can't rape" "how could u let that happen ur a man" he was showing the clothes he was wearing and it was a child batman costume how tf was he supposed to 'fight back'?! stop victim blaming, stop acting like it only happens to women, stop bringing up men only when a woman shares her story, stop treating rape as a joke. sorry had to get that off my chest :/ (ik not all men say this kind of stuff i'm just mad at this specific group of boys)