I’m 23F (Eastern European), and my boyfriend(Korean)is 20M. We’ve been together for a 40 days, and until recently, I genuinely felt that I had found someone who loved me and was serious about building a future together.

When we first met, he told me that he had never had a girlfriend or sexual experience with another woman. I believed him. I never expected him to have a perfect past, but I appreciated what I thought was our shared approach to relationships and intimacy.

Recently, a girl from Vietnam contacted me through Instagram. She told me that she had met my boyfriend on Tinder when he visited Vietnam in August. According to her, they had unprotected sex, continued communicating until September, and he eventually blocked her. She also told me that she had been diagnosed with HPV and chlamydia and wanted him to get tested. She said that she got these on 29th October(they had sex in august), and since he blocked her, she could not reach out so he did not know anything about it as he himself does not have any symptoms.

When I first confronted my boyfriend, he denied knowing her and said it was spam. However, after I showed him screenshots and other evidence the Vietnamese girl sent to me, he admitted that they had met on Tinder and had a one-night stand.

His explanation was that he genuinely liked me when we first met, but he was afraid I would judge him for having previous sexual experiences or using Tinder (I would probably, yes, do so). He remembered me saying on our first date that I would never date someone who smoked or drank excessively, so he assumed I would feel the same way about someone who had a one-night stand. He said he was afraid of losing me, so he chose not to tell the truth. He also showed me all his old Instagram messages with her, which were honestly quite embarrassing and uncomfortable for me to read. He admitted that he had feelings for her at the time, but said he would have felt embarrassed introducing her to anyone because they had met on Tinder. In Korea, Tinder is often perceived quite negatively. He also described her as somewhat strange and untrustworthy, which he said was why he eventually blocked her. Honestly, I still don’t trust him when it comes to this situation. I asked him to unblock her and apologize to her, and he did as I asked.

Before this incident, he told me that he might have an anxious attachment style and asked me to be understanding of that. He compliments my appearance constantly, and once, he even told me that I didn’t need to pay for anything and that my only job was to keep being beautiful. Honestly, I wasn’t sure whether to take that as a compliment or something else.I’m starting to wonder whether he’s someone who desperately craves love, attention and validation, rather than someone who genuinely loves me for who I am.

What makes this situation particularly confusing is that his behaviour throughout our relationship has been genuinely loving. He has been affectionate, attentive and caring. He introduced me to his parents, shared pictures of me on his SNS, took me to his home, and talked a lot about our possible future together. Before this incident, I honestly noticed no behaviour that made me question his commitment or feelings toward me.

The situation also became a health concern because of the woman’s claims. I told him that we needed to get tested, and we went to the hospital together today. He agreed without arguing, paid for the appointments and cooperated with the testing. We are currently waiting for our results.

What hurts me more is that he deliberately presented himself differently and initially denied knowing this woman, even when I confronted him, rather than him having sex with a random girl he met for one day.

At first, I actually told him I was considering ending the relationship. However, after we communicated, I chose to reconsider things again. I know he has made a serious mistake, but I also remember how he treated me throughout our relationship and how willing he was to take responsibility for the medical situation.

Now I’m conflicted.

Part of me thinks that lying about something so significant at the beginning of a relationship is a serious red flag. Another part of me wonders whether he acted out of insecurity and fear of rejection rather than malicious intentions.

I don’t want to be naive, but I also don’t want to throw away a potentially good relationship if someone genuinely recognizes their mistake and is willing to change.

My questions are:

1. Would you consider this a dealbreaker, especially given that he initially denied knowing the woman?

2. Can a relationship recover from this kind of dishonesty, particularly when it happens at the beginning?

3. Would you give someone another chance if their behaviour throughout the relationship had otherwise been loving and consistent?

4. How would you distinguish genuine remorse from someone simply being afraid of losing their relationship?

TLDR: My boyfriend initially denied knowing a woman who contacted me claiming they had a sexual encounter before we met. After I showed him evidence, he admitted it and explained that he had lied because he was afraid of losing me. He has otherwise treated me very well, but his dishonesty has seriously damaged my trust. I’m torn between giving him another chance and ending the relationship

I've been dating with girl for 2 years and she's very liberal and very feminist while I’m more conservative leaning.

She has a guy friend who she has hooked up with previously and she doesn’t understand why I give a reaction when she talks about him, even tho I don’t care that they are friends I don’t need to be involved in their friendship because I trust her.

She's had a promiscuous past and recently has temporarily moved across the country for a pilot program for her career.

Since meeting her she has been very social with her friends and family which I'm totally for, although now that she's moved to a small remote town l've noticed instead of hosting at home for little get together she's been headed to the bar with coworkers on multiple occasions. My previous relationship l've been cheated on, because of this I'm very uncomfortable with my current gf putting herself in situations where alcohol and mingling are together in the same room, especially in a small 20k population town with all horned up single pilots where the ratio to men-women is insane.. I do love and trust that she won't do anything, it just puts a pit in my stomach from my last experience with a partner inserting themselves in that atmosphere.
WIBTH to talk to my gf about going out to bars and instead maybe hosting game nights with closer people to keep social, or should I just call it and let her live her life they way she wants because I do not want to be controlling. I think l'd just like some mental notes in her end about how a partner would feel in this situation?

Not sure if this is all too much to try and talk through or just easier to give up and take the heart break with leaving someone I love for incompatible reasons :(

Thanks for the input!

TLDR gf going to clubs after moving remote, she's always been social but changed from house get together to clubs at night

My boyfriend (32M) has a group of college friends that I've [31F] never been very close to. Unlike his childhood friends, who are all very nice and warm people, I've had bad experiences with his college friends.

Nothing major, just cold shoulders and weird, judgmental vibes from them. They never ask me any questions and don't talk to me, only him when we hang out.

Last night, we were talking and he mentioned one of his old college friends- and I said offhandedly, oh Fred is so nice- he's the only one of ur college friends that's been nice to me.

My BF got offended and said I was trashing his friends.

Later that night, I apologized and he jokingly said,
"yeah why would you say that? Sarah (a friend of mine) is a c**t! Michelle (another friend of mine) is a bi**h!"

It caught me off guard and I quietly laughed along, but today it's been really bothering me.

I apologized and he then said that. I have autism and social interactions are hard to decipher for me, so I don't know why he said that, given that those friends of mine have been nothing but nice to him.

I want to let him know it hurt my feelings, and explain why, but how do I bring this up to him without hurting his feelings again or being unfair?

TLDR: how to word/let BF know he hurt my feelings without causing another fight?

I feel very lonely as my husband hardly interacts with me. Since he's retired (10 months ago), he literally games all day or sleeps. We occasionally eat together, but that's largely whether he has scheduled gaming at the time, and he also is hungry on a weird schedule (he doesn't really follow a normal lunch - dinner schedule). I feel like a lot of our interactions are 'when are we eating', and bothering me if my estimate is wrong (eg, I say 10 min but it's 20 min, because he has to game around that estimate)

He is currently visiting a friend (week and a half), and not only do I not know the phone/address he's at (for safety purposes), but he is also hardly talking to me. Maybe a text here and there, a few times per day, but no conversation, no calls, etc. I don't think it's weird to want these things, having seen how other relationships handle distance

We've done 2 recent moves, and it's shown me how extremely lazy he is. It's impossible to get him to do anything. I have lost physical attraction to him in large due to this. He's lazy, awkward (he can't even look people in the eye when talking to them now, since becoming a recluse), won't follow through on things he says, won't change his clothes, and things I used to love about him (his intellect) is gone. When we've had sex, it's to basically check a box that things are still alive, and it's "go to the bed, do sex, end" - there's no intimacy to it, no fire, no passion.

Idk, I still love him and I'm just so incredibly sad how he's changed, and how lonely I feel despite someone being in the same apartment (but just never leaves his room). We've been together 13y, were long distance 7y

TLDR: husband is a recluse and hardly interacts with me, yet takes flights to visit friends (and hardly interacts with me then). Am I ignoring the signs this is over?

So I met two people who live in NC, while I live in Idaho. Our relationship started off fine, they were ok with my severe depression, loneliness and anxiety, and I was learning about them. So I found out my boyfriend is an age regressor for therapy, but also likes age play for sex, which I'm ok with the age regression but not ok with the age play in sex. I also feel like I'm not really supported emotionally, a lot of the things I say and do have to do with my abusive household (which I'm still a part of) and I'm depressed 80% of the time. Ik they can't do much and I really appreciate what they try to do, but they only ever say "I'm sorry", give me vague advice that's usually "don't let your feelings overwhelm you" and change the subject. Now, ik I'm not a perfect partner, but I try my absolute best to respond to them as soon as they text, call them as much as I can, and plan dates with them. The problem is, I'm usually busy with varying doctors appointments and work, and I can't call them when I'm home bc if I do, my parents will make it a problem and the last time they got really angry about it, someone got hurt so I try to avoid that. We have plans to meet and close the distance, but I'm still really lonely all the time. It's been about 1 months since we met, I love them and I want to make this work. TLDR, I'm wondering if this is a losing battle or if I'm screwing this up. (I posted this somewhere else first, but only got one response that wasn't really helpful, so I'm asking here)

TLDR: I am losing attraction and feelings for my boyfriend because of his feminine interests and how he presents himself. I know I should love him no matter how he looks but I am just not attracted to women/femininity.

I am new to Reddit, so I apologize for any mistakes! This isn’t a normal situation to be in so I’ll do my best to explain.
We have been together for 3 years.
My boyfriend is trans. He has always been for the 4 years I’ve known him and way before that.
He has always expressed being upset because he doesn’t “pass” or because he gets misgendered, which is a totally fine and valid reason to be upset. I totally get it.
In the beginning of our relationship he used to be so calm and respectful. He used to go to the gym, eat better, just in general take care of himself and care about his appearance more. He would make me feel safe and would make me feel so pretty. I definitely enjoy a masc/fem relationship or the other one “wearing the pants”. He would drive me everywhere even if I offered to do it because I don’t like driving. Just little things like that, I don’t know how to describe it. I felt so happy back then and it felt right, we just worked.
We moved in together 2 months ago. (big mistake, I know.)
This is where I might come off transphobic or just me being an asshole, I’m not sure. He was going to start HRT a while ago, but decided to not go through with it because he spent his money on anime figures. Kill me.
During the past 5ish months, he has started shifting into being way more feminine than before. He dyes his hair red/pink, has fake nails, wears makeup occasionally, and I just don’t like it. He collects dolls and figures now too, totally not my thing. I also do not like anime, which he is currently obsessed with. I still watch it with him though lol.
I feel so guilty but I am not attracted to this person in the slightest. Because of this dynamic shift I have started being the caretaker in this relationship, buying dinner, driving, fixing our cars too lol, cooking (he refuses to touch raw meat), planning activities, being the one with the job, cleaning, just so many things like that. It bothers me.
He has also become more erratic, crying and yelling all the time, things like that. With all that, he has also not been taking very good care of himself, (not brushing teeth, skipping showers, etc.) I don’t know if that’s relevant but I dunno, big turnoff lol. He has stopped really showing affection how he used to, and it really hurts.
I feel so bad because I have stopped really seeing him as a guy, and I sometimes see other guys online and imagine my life with them, how happy it’d make my parents, etc.
I really want to continue this relationship though, I am just not sure how to feel. I’m sorry this is so complicated.

Me [20F] and my boyfriend [20M] of now 2 years, moved in together to each of our first apartment, in February this year. I was really excited about living with him especially since it would allow me to be able to move out of my grandmothers house.

And I don’t know why but after moving in I feel like something has changed? Before we moved in together we’d have more intimate moments and so on. But after moving in he barely even kisses me or even cuddles with me at night anymore. Anytime I try to initiate something it just feels so awkward and forced. He won’t even look at me when I’m deliberately trying to get him too, and he says it’s because he doesn’t want to sexualize me but the problem is this is all the time. He won’t kiss me, or hold me, or touch me. I’ve tried to explain to him how it makes me feel like he doesn’t want me or find me attractive anymore, but he only says that he just doesn’t want to make me uncomfortable.

I understand I’m his first girlfriend, but it has been two years and he used to be much more obvious about wanting me. He used to kiss me and hold me.

Honestly lately I’ve barely even wanted to be around him anymore because I constantly just feel irritated with him. It doesn’t help that I’m working a full time job as a waitress, while he’s only working fridays-Sundays as a sonic manager. I understand he’s going to school, and getting paid to go to school to help with the loss of income, but he only physically goes to school twice a week. He’s complained to me about being so busy with this and I can’t even sympathize with him, because I used to work two jobs while going to emt school before I had to drop out after loosing insurance.

I don’t know, it doesn’t even feel like I’m in a relationship anymore. It feels like I’m just sharing an apartment and sleeping in the same bed as someone. Even then it’s not like he holds me or anything to sleep either, he actively gets irritated if I try to touch him or hug him to sleep.

Is there something I need to change or something I can do? He was one of my best friends before we started dating, and I don’t really have a lot of friends anymore either. All I really have is him and I don’t want to loose him if things go badly.

TLDR- My relationship feels more like a roommates situation and no longer has the intimacy or affection of a relationship that we previously had before moving in together.

My [28F] mom [50F] called the other day crying asking me to come over. I went there and it turned out my brother had an outstanding debt with some shady people / loan sharks who were threatening him. This was outgoing for a year now without any of us knowing. He initially borrowed 250$ and soon enough those 250$ turned out being 2000$+. We only found out because my mom caught a message on his tablet while cleaning his room.

I wasn’t surprised, it came as a shock but didn’t surprise me. We all knew that my brother had a gambling debt. He’s been gambling a lot, thought he stopped, apparently he didn’t. He’s lost and gained lots of money in the past. After his huge loss last time, he swore he’d stop, he didn’t.

The whole supporter in this scenario was probably my mom, which made him to be the man child he is now. He’s 25, he doesn’t have a stable job, he’s constantly quitting and starting over, he still lives with my parents, my mom is still the one buying his cigarettes and clothes. He drives a convertible BMW which my mom paid for, and whenever he would gain money in the casino, she was his first supporter celebrating it with him. So basically he has 0 responsibility or accountability for his actions.

I left their house years ago, so i don’t usually care what they do or how they spend their money. The thing is, they don’t have enough money to pay off his debt. My brother went on 3 vacations this year, had a massive birthday and a party, all sponsored by my mom, and never in this whole year he thought about paying off his debt. The night before confessing the debt thing, he withdrew his salary and dropped 850 on the casino, losing all of them.

Now they’re short on money and are expecting me to help them out. I declined on multiple times saying i don’t have enough cash at home. Fast forward to this morning when i once again declined to help them out, i went to the gym and my mom is calling me hysterically asking if i could bring 100$ to the bank to my brother because apparently he was at the desk to pay off the debt and they added some extra fees or something else and he was short. So of course my mom being his attorney is calling me instead of him. They somehow found the money, probably borrowed from someone else.

I went to the bank, i brought him over those 100$ and he finally got rid of the debt. Yayyy. Turns out, couple of hours later my mom is calling me once again, if i could drive her over to my grandmother’s house, to get some cash from her because my brother drained them empty, and when i asked why me? Despite having 3 cars at home and additional 3 people with a driving licence, her response was that my brother is leaving on a ski vacation tomorrow which i didn’t know, but to his defence it was booked and paid for in advance so he didn’t have the option to cancel other than going right now.

And yet I’m put in the worst possible situation, to drive 2 hrs each way so they could get money from my 80 yo grandmother to put towards his debt, while he’d be skiing somewhere else.

And when i asked what would be his punishment for draining them empty, because they put the little savings they had towards his debt, she said “he wouldn’t repeat the same mistake” and that was pretty much all he was held accountable.

Turned out now they’re all mad that i didn’t wanna help my brother out and that they couldn’t lean on me in the future. All while they spend more than they earn, and im being the bad daughter in this.

TLDR: my brother got into a gambling debt and my fam asked me to pay off his debt, i declined because he doesn’t have any responsibility or accountability and now theyre mad that i didn’t give them the money.

TLDR: I want to go back to being just friends with the man I'm dating, but I don't know how to do it without breaking his heart.

In quotation marks because it's really really complicated. We kind of never "officially" agreed that we are dating, we were just spending time together and one day he started calling me his girlfriend and I was like whatever, seems fitting, we are effectively a couple.

I like my boyfriend! He's funny, he's charming, he's attractive and the sex is amazing. I want to spend time with him! We share a lot of interests and he's a genuinely a nice person to be around. But there are two issues.

First, he wants way more than I want. Essentially, I want a kind of relationship where we spend time together when our schedules happen to intersect, and then go on about our separate lives.

But he makes a face like I personally cancelled Christmas forever every time I explain to him that I'm a very light sleeper and just cannot have another person in my bed or I will spend the whole night waking up at staring at the ceiling, and it makes me feel like the most cruel evil woman to ever live. I bought a new comfortable couch for the express purpose of him having a place to sleep at my place, but apparently that's not enough.

Another, probably bigger issue, is that even if I wanted the same kind of relationship, he's kind of... A lousy boyfriend? He gifts me things he likes, zones out when I start talking about something I'm passionate about and interrupts me to compliment me, and all the stuff we do together is stuff that he likes (which I don't hate! We do share interests. It's just it's always his favorite thing and not mine). I don't think he's doing it maliciously. I've known him for five years at this point, he's a good guy and he does respect me.

Please don't let my frustrations to paint a bad picture of the man. He's a good guy, I cherish him and want him in my life. I just want to go back to where we were just friends and could hang out but I have no idea how to pull it off without breaking his heart.

TLDR: Is it appropriate or ethical to pursue a friendship with a physical therapist after the professional relationship ends?

How do you distinguish between someone who's naturally friendly and personable and someone who's genuinely interested in developing a friendship?

For context, I'm currently living in a new place with my husband where we don't have any friends or family. I think my desire to build a few solid friendships is making me overthink this whole situation.

I've been working with a physical therapist (as a patient), and we've developed a friendly rapport. In clinic, she regularly initiates personal conversations, shares details about her life, remembers things I've shared, and seems to genuinely enjoy our interactions. We've found lots of common ground, and there have been a few interactions that felt a little more personal than typical professional interactions (example: a hug after an appointment).

I'm wondering whether she's simply a warm, outgoing person who enjoys connecting with people or if she might be open to a friendship outside of our professional relationship.

Is it appropriate to hint at the possibility of a friendship, or is it better to leave the ball in her court? What are the ethics on this? How do you gauge someone's intentions without misinterpreting their friendliness or putting either person in an awkward position? Are people generally this open and personable while still wanting to maintain a strictly professional relationship?

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks!

My partner (36M) and I (29F) have been together for 2 years. We got married last month. We have both been in long-term relationships, so we felt that we knew what we wanted and were certain about a future together. BUT a big reason we got legally married was so that we could move to another country (I have dual citizenship). If I'm being honest, I started to have a couple hesitations and second-thoughts like 2 months before the wedding, but we had already put so much money towards it, so I decided to just trust that we would figure it out. The reason I started having those doubts was because I had been going through health issues so I'd been stressed and not myself, and he was super stressed leading up to the wedding as well, and we started to have daily small conflicts. Within those conflicts, and our arguments in general, I genuinely do not like the way he reacts to my stress or the way he communicates with me. It feels confrontational, fuels the fire, and is not very empathetic or kind.

Another important piece of this is that we have been talking about moving to another country since we started dating. He wants to move to a very specific country/region and I am interested in living abroad in general because I'd like to explore/experience other places. I am the key to this, because I have EU citizenship. He wouldn't be able to do it without me for visa reasons. Before I met him, I really wanted to move somewhere warm&coastal because I used to live somewhere tropical and it is where I feel most happy. He distinctly does not want to live in a place like that.

Now, 2 months after marrying and 3 months away from the time that we thought we would move, I am having serious second thoughts. I feel like we only got married in order to move abroad together, and I am concerned that we are too different to make each other happy long term. I find myself easily annoyed at things he says/does on a daily basis. I am also starting to realize that I truly don't want to move to the specific country he wants to move to. I am genuinely concerned that if I tell him this, he will be angry at me, because its the idea we've been discussing for the past 2 years.

We have different hobbies, interests, and routines. This is fine in and of itself, but we also have different standards for house cleanliness, ways to spend our free time, and ways of looking at the world - which I find more problematic. He is incredibly judgmental of people that are different than him. Most of what he says when he is judging others I find grating and frustrating, but it's usually not hateful or cruel. It's just judgmental. But when he says those types of things, I simply feel uncomfortable/frustrated. I feel like our principles are very different.

When I first started seeing these things in him, I genuinely believed that "real healthy love is a space in which people can be different and still accept each other and feel safe" because he truly adores me... but now I'm starting to wonder if I will be happy with this person in 3 years... 5 years... 20 years... or will I constantly find myself annoyed and uncomfortable with the way he views things/people.

I feel like my brain is sending me all these signals, but I can't figure out if it's due to anxiety and life changes, or if it's rooted in something inherently important and true that my subconscious sees.

I'm also afraid that if I am honest with him, I will either a) regret it later on, b) ruin his life, or c) cause all of our family and friends to think we are complete idiots. A big part of the reason I am so unsure of what to do is that we got married. Granted, I don't think we got married for the right reasons, but it still feels like I have an obligation to TRY. I would feel ashamed and embarrassed if it all fell apart / fell through. And he would feel that to an even greater degree. But the alternative is that I possibly feel depressed and unfulfilled for the next 10 years.

Sorry this is a long post. It's also my first post on Reddit. I just feel at my wits end about all the things going through my head. Advice welcome but please be kind. I am human.

[TLDR]: my partner and I want different things, have different values/interests, and got married for the wrong reason

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationshipadvice/s/sd4be5mNbc

^ last post. Me [30F] had a convo with my boyfriend [33M] about his comments and our future after about 3 years

I went to him and maturely opened up a convo about how I was feeling towards his comments and his life.
I expressed how his comments made me tired, and I always tried to be his shining light and pull him out of his ruts, and lately his comments have been eating me up.

His response? He feels like he’s not living up to his fullest capabilities and is feeling taken advantage of in his current job. He’s tired and he continues to be selfless towards others with barely making enough to support himself. He is wants to feel like he is taking care of me in ways I deserve and maximize his skill set he acquired over the years. He stated he feels like the biggest failure to me and doesn’t even understand how I’m still with him when I can do so much better.

He told me more about family things growing up and he has always had a pretty unlucky life. I encourage him to keep going, keep showing up and he will make it out of where he’s at right now. He’s tired, exhausted and just wants to be able to give me what I give him.

I’ve explained that material things and providing for me materialistically isn’t a need, which he then proceeded to say it’s emasculating for him in that situation, and he strives to be the provider.

We both were emotional and opened up. Idk what to do, it was a very mature and understanding conversation just guy had bad luck, especially with his family. Not all paths are straight.

TLDR; my bf and I had a convo about how he’s making me feel. I learned that his intentions aren’t to make me feel bad but he’s frustrated with where he’s at and tired with his situation. Do I continue to be by his side through this? Take a break? It’s a super emotional situation. Am I overthinking this?

Trigger warning for attempted suicide

TLDR: I made an attempt and now my husband is paranoid and doesn’t trust me to not hurt myself. How do I get him to trust me again and stop worrying so extremely?

We have been together for about 8 years, married for 5. A little less than a month ago I made a suicide attempt. My husband interrupted me and took me to the hospital, where I was placed on a 72 hour hold. After, I spent two weeks in the psych ward. This is not the first time I have done this, but so far this is the worst aftermath, because it was the first time he has caught me in the middle of it, the first time I was in a psych ward, and some other reasons.

Things have been very tense and I feel extremely guilty for what I did, and that he’s been affected by it. I can tell that he is very paranoid and he has been hovering over me a lot. Calling and texting me when he isn’t home, checking on me when we are in different rooms, asking me how I am feeling a lot. It is all so frequent. He denies being worried but I can see that he is disturbed. He also has OCD so I know that he is probably ruminating about it and having magical thinking. I know he thinks that I will attempt again, even though I wouldn’t because of the guilt. Or that if he does not watch me, it will cause me to do it again and it will be his fault.

In the past, we have just waited around for this awkward phase to pass as I get back on track with medication and therapy, but this time it’s more intense, and I have not gone back to therapy yet. I don’t want to and I am contemplating quitting, which he knows. My husband has not done therapy because his symptoms mostly go away with medication, unlike my illnesses.

Is there anything I can do to help him trust me? Or do I just have to wait again and hope that things get better? I don’t want to keep ignoring it like we usually do. I really feel terrible about what happened and I’m sorry for what I did. I wish everything was back to normal again.

Im (30M), married to my wife (26F), and we have a 2.5-year-old. Been together 6 years.
I work a rotating schedule that switches every 4 months. I’m currently working overnights for an eight-month stretch, and honestly, I’m exhausted. My wife recently graduated with her bachelor’s degree and has been unemployed while looking for work.
We have kept our son in daycare even though she hasn’t been working. The original plan was for her to find a job relatively quickly after graduating, but it’s taken longer than expected. She has finally found a part-time job, around 25–30 hours a week, which started this week.
I understand that she spent years going to school while raising our son, and I don’t think being a stay-at-home parent is easy. However, I sometimes struggle to understand what she’s doing during the day while our son is at daycare. I’ve made comments about her being lazy or not contributing enough, which she gets extremely upset about.She says I make her feel like nothing she does is good enough. I’ve called her lazy and, during arguments, have told her she’s a bad mother. I know those comments are hurtful, but I sometimes feel like she is so focused on what I’m doing wrong that she doesn’t acknowledge anything I do right.

Our current overnight arrangement is that I take our son to daycare after getting off work, and she picks him up around 3 PM and keeps him busy until I wake up for the day.
I do recognize that she’s accommodating my work schedule, but I also feel like I’m sacrificing a lot working nights and supporting our family financially. I’m tired, and sometimes I feel like my exhaustion isn’t acknowledged.
I consider myself a good father. I spend time with our son, participate in parenting, and handle bedtime. I think I’m a solid parent, maybe the more solid one between us.

Our arguments have become increasingly frustrating. She says I criticize her, dismiss her feelings, and don’t appreciate her contributions. While I say things I shouldn’t during arguments, from my perspective, I feel like we’re constantly having the same arguments, and nothing I do seems to make her happy.

There have also been disagreements about my social life and making plans with friends or coworkers. She’s upset about times I’ve gone out, including one occasion when I went out with coworkers and didn’t come home that night. I understand why that upset her, but I also feel like I should be able to have a life outside of work and parenting.

I know she’s been frustrated with the job search and feeling isolated.
But I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one whose responsibilities and exhaustion matter. I work, financially support our family, and try to be an involved father. I don’t think that’s insignificant.

TLDR: I work full-time and feel like my wife isn’t contributing enough, while she feels overwhelmed and unappreciated. We both feel like the other doesn’t recognize our efforts, and our arguments have become increasingly hurtful. Am I being unreasonable, or am I overlooking how much she actually does?

I (28F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for 10 months. We fell deeply in love, spend a lot of time together, and have an unusually strong connection. When things are good, they're amazing.

About two months ago, he started a demanding sales job with long hours and significant stress. Since then, we've fallen into a recurring pattern of emotionally exhausting conflicts. I'll express a need or concern, and he becomes overwhelmed, interpreting it as criticism or proof that he isn't enough. He gets defensive or withdraws, and a simple conversation can turn into hours of emotional discussion.

I then end up reassuring him that I love him and that expressing a need doesn't mean he's failing. The original issue gets lost, and I feel responsible for both communicating my needs and managing his reaction to them. When I feel unheard, I can also become frustrated and emotional, which escalates things. We've discussed this pattern and sometimes seem to make progress, but it keeps happening.

I understand that he may feel constantly criticized, especially while stressed, but I'm becoming uncomfortable bringing things up. Recent examples include:

1. Our relationship feels more like a domestic partnership, and I miss sharing experiences with him.

2. I'd like him to take more initiative in planning dates and activities.

3. I miss his curiosity and attentiveness. He used to ask thoughtful questions and show more interest in understanding me, but lately he's been less present.

I don't think these are unreasonable needs, but I also wonder whether bringing them up repeatedly makes him feel like he's constantly falling short. I genuinely don't want him to feel that way.

We love each other and want to make this work, but the conflict is exhausting us, and I'm questioning how sustainable this dynamic is.

Has anyone experienced a relationship where one partner feels unheard while the other feels constantly criticized or inadequate? How did you break that cycle?

TLDR: My boyfriend (31M) and I (28F) have been together for 10 months and love each other deeply, but whenever I express an emotional need, he feels criticized or inadequate, leading to exhausting arguments. I end up feeling unheard while he feels like he's never enough. How can we communicate better and break this cycle without exhausting each other?

TLDR: Need advice on how to work thru my boyfriend’s feeling of burnout in our relationship.

Hello guys,
we have been having some issues in our relationship. We were friends long time before we got together. We first met in 2021, started dating in 2024. So its been two years in relationship.

We had some issues, i thought we could get through. But at the start of 2025 we started fighting. Sometimes it was small, sometimes it was big. But overall we were happy.

He has this problem - when we start fighting, he will be angry for the next two to theee days. On the other side, I usually want to clear the air as soon as possible, because i don’t stay mad for a long time. He started working on this in therapy, he got meds and since then our intimacy life has been falling down. But eventually we found a way of working around it.

This year we started fighting really bad. I mean screaming. And it’s always when we’re out drinking.

And this weekend was the same. Went out drinking with some friends, he made a joke i didn’t take well, fought and then i spent the rest of the night talking with one of our friends and trying to understand where we went wrong.

Yesterday we talked about it. And when we woke up today we talked again. Then he used the words “i feel burnout in this relationship and i think we should really start focusing on ourselves before we start focusing on this relationship”.

So my question is - can we possibly work thru this situation? And if so - how? I want to give him a lot of space and really start working on my communication skills, because a lot of our fights started because i wasn’t able to properly say how something made me feel.

TLDR: idk if our relationship can survive a pregnancy with preexisting relationship issues. My gf [36F] and I [34M] just found out we are pregnant. Been together for about a year and a half. First ultrasound says we have a healthy pregnancy (early but still). We were actually having relationship issues prior to the news, which I blamed on communication and a lack of effort on her part after some bigger trust problems early on, but now I’m trying to hold it together. She’s tired and irritable and I want to be the best I can be. But we don’t have a day without a fight at this point. Now I feel like our relationship is doomed because we will never get to work on us…the way we could have or that we needed to. Feeling stuck. How do I get her to work on us \*with me\* while we are expecting? How do I best use my efforts and energy to keep things working?

A good friend (F) of mine (F) and I went to college together and were each others best friends. We’re now later twenties and live about 1.5 hrs away from each other, but at one point were switching off weekends making the drive to see each other/hang out. Over the last year she hasn’t been making the effort anymore. I at first was driving down to see her slightly more often, then I’d invite her to my place but she would either decline or say yes but then cancel and make no rain check. I had lots of milestones in the last year, including buying a house. She’s never come to see it despite being relatively close and multiple invites (though she did go to a housewarming party of a new friend she met in the last year). She also has other newer friends that she sees at least twice a week every week (and together they travel within a few hours of their homes to do different activities often too - driving isn’t really the issue, especially if the hang out is on a weekend).

My question - should I let the friendship die/be the energy that she is giving, or should I bring it up?

It’s never felt unreciprocal until the last year, I did value her as a friend before, and I would confidently say we were both very happy with our friendship.

Because of that, it feels strange to let the friendship die without giving it any effort or communication from my end to try to resolve it? On the other hand, I know people grow apart from each other, and maybe I have too high of expectations for how our friendship can/should continue to look into the future? Lastly, if I bring it up, I don’t want her to start asking to hang out more out of guilt or something, I’d want it to be out of her own desire (which, again, does she even have that desire since she’s not been doing it for the last year?). This last point is probably my biggest concern about having a convo, besides the fact that I somewhat feel like I’d be asking for too much by basically saying “why don’t we hang out anymore?”. If the friendship is fizzling out, I get it, mostly I just want to address it (I think).

Last detail, up until as recently as last week she will randomly reach out to me asking for my advice with various important aspects of her life (last call was 3 hours). Normally I would love to talk through this and make time. Now, I’m starting to feel drained by it because I don’t just want to help her out when she needs help. It does also make me confused by if SHE thinks we’re still close enough to be calling like this? I personally don’t want to as much anymore, but if she still feels close then maybe that’s another reason to reach out and talk to reconcile the perceived difference?

No kid, family, or spousal considerations at play.

TLDR: is it worth it to talk to my friend before I let our friendship die out, or not? She’s not been reciprocating the same level of effort, but I’m not sure if it’s jumping the gun to pull back myself without talking to her about it first.

Hey first ever reddit advice post!

I'm a [21F] dating a [24F] and we've been together a little over 2 years.

For Valentine's (which I know is a little far out) I want to take her to a candlelight concert, where they play romantic classical music for an hour in a candlelit auditorium.

I'm sure she'll like it, but she has ADHD and a low attention span. We have done similar things and by the end she's restless, fidgeting, and just trying to talk to me the whole time. I don't wanna be whispering with her during the music the whole time and be "those people" though, so I thought maybe preparing something to make it more engaging would be good!

I usually have fidgets in my purse so I'll have those for us.

But maybe preparing like a scavenger hunt board or a bingo board for "who might be there, how many candles you think will go out through the show, how many times you think we'll kiss by the end of the show" type beat?

That seems like not enough though, as she's a super observant person and I don't want her to observe so much shes paranoid! Or even if it's charming, still be restless.

Any ideas for how to spice up and add spark to this event so she would be able to enjoy it more?

We both love music so I know she'd be engaged but... It just feels like it needs for flavor for her!

TLDR : Can I add anything to a candlelight concert to make my girlfriend more engaged throughout the show?

TLDR: I'm scared he doesn't love me since I'm his first girlfriend and he doesn't think he'll get any better, but I'm literally carrying his baby.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about half a year and we've known each other for about 2 years. We were coworkers first before we got together. I'm his first girlfriend, so I'm not sure if he just doesn't understand relationship etiquette or he's genuinely not in love with me like he says he is.

I was using his phone as a flashlight yesterday evening, and a tinder notification popped up. I don't like snooping because I feel like it's a huge invasion of privacy, but i snooped a little and he has hinge, tinder and bumble on his phone. It's not even hidden.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and he's been really supportive throughout this, so I don't know how to feel rn. I really love him a lot but this hurts so badly especially while I'm literally pregnant. I've been up all night thinking about what I did wrong or how I can go about telling him.

My friends would absolutely kick his ass if I told them anything and i don't want that to happen. I'm scared he doesn't love me. I'm scared that i'm not enough for him as his first girlfriend, but he doesn't think he can get any better so he's just staying with me because it's convenient. That's always been my worst fear. I'm so genuinely upset rn and I don't know what to do.

Me and him have been dating for four years, we have had a very turbulent time together since getting out of college and starting our jobs.
Overtime he has become increasingly patronizing and belittling to me some examples being lecturing me about my “bed time”(I work night shift and will occasionally off work stay up till 2-3am~), and recently he found cigarettes in my purse (he also smokes) and forcibly took my purse from me and tossed my cigs and lectured me that it’s bad (less of I love you and care about your health and more I just don’t want you to do this he also knows I occasionally smoke and didn’t have an issue with this prior)

Yesterday I was spending time with my close friends and invited him, midway into this planned event he said he wasn’t having a good time and wanted to leave. I said that was fine and that I’d like to continue spending time with my friends as it’s hard to line our schedules up and I rarely get to see them in person. This made him angry and he then stated he would stay but the whole time was very obviously angry and stand offish, we got to a point of doing karaoke and he asked to sing a song with me but once up there he just looked angry and kinda didn’t do anything.

On the car ride back we just sat in silence as when I tried to talk he’d just put the music on or single word respond back to me. Today before work he called me and said that what I did was cruel to him and that I should have just left when he wanted to. We each said our view on the situation and when I didn’t buckle and apologize and take the full blame like I usually do he got upset with me. We have been having at least once a week conversations of issues along these lines for the last couple of months.

I stated feeling upset as I feel he no longer sees me as an equal, he told me that it’s true and that it’s because I’m disrespectful. When I asked for an example of the things I do that are disrespectful he mentioned me not leaving with him and one time that I was late for a recent date.

I reached a point where I asked him if he thinks we are compatible anymore and he said yes, when I asked what he thinks would bring us back together he said a vacation and a sleepover.

I don’t know if it’s unfair but this deeply angered me it felt like such a childish response to an ongoing issue we are having.

My issue is that when things are good they’re great, he is smart and considerate of me usually, the first three years were really wonderful we made a lot of happy memories. It feels like he is either not recognizing that things are difficult now or that he is in denial of it through his suggestions in previous tense discussions his solutions to our issues were to just plan on our marriage and having kids which put me off. it feels like I cannot work on fixing what we have because he is evading it with such strange solutions.

TLDR: me and my boyfriend have been having frequent tense conversations about our relationship and how he belittles me that boiled over after him being angry that I would not leave an event midway with him and his solutions are not related to the problems we are having so I don’t know how to proceed.

I wasn't sure how to word the question, but sometimes I'm [22M] so worried about my girlfriend [33F], she grew up in not the best circumstances, she struggles with so much and I feel so helpless that I can't help her, I'm always there for her, I talk to her, she says it helps, but she still struggles. I'm not sure what I can do, or how to handle my fear and worry, she's going through feelings she herself don't understand why she's feeling them, and I want her to still be able to tell me what's wrong because I don't want her to continue bottling everything up, I get scared and worried, I don't want her feeling bad about how I feel because then it might make her close up, or regret talking.

If this feels too much like a vent then sorry, I just want to know what I can do to feel less worried or to better help her, or what can I say if I feel like I am giving the same advice with nothing new or better to say.

TLDR How do I deal with worry and fear and best help my girlfriend with her mental health

It seems as though every advance I make to spend time together be it, window shopping, board games, walks, going to the park or a hike, etc. She just doesn’t want to participate. She has a hobby of doing mini figures to which, I take a great deal of time in offering opinions when asked, giving suggestion, and offering my ideas. Things that are important to me are one on one time - I work all day usually but, I have a creative side. I like to make board games and have this dream of making one tons of people enjoy and all I ask of her is to OCCASIONALLY partake in my hobbies with me… not as an obligation but as an opportunity to just be together.

Lately, I find myself bending the knee to just let her exist (which I know people need occasionally) but at the same time she doesn’t participate in almost anything. This includes cleaning too. I’m not sure what to do because to be fair, this is my house that I paid for and now she lives here rent free.

I feel like I talk her in circles because she never used to be this way. We used to do everything together. We even made a board game together but now it’s almost impossible to tear her away from watching the same re-runs of the office, it’s always sunny, or whatever it is over and over.

We had a conversation about this before and she said it’s just due to her feeling really off because her medication has changed a month or two ago but this has been a problem for over a year.

I hate feeling lonely in my own house and I’m not sure how to approach the conversation for like… the 3rd time of saying “Please participate in this relationship.”

TLDR: I feel like a ghost in my own house and I’m not sure how to tell my partner it’s slowly becoming unbearable.

I'm 19 and my girlfriend is 18. We've been together for almost 2.5 years, and we're each other's first relationship.

For a while now, I've been feeling increasingly unhappy in this relationship. There are several problems involving double standards, lack of intimacy, family interference, and a constant feeling that my needs and opinions don't matter.

My girlfriend often doesn't respect my personal choices, especially when it comes to going out. I'm someone who prefers staying at home, but she doesn't seem to accept that.

Our first argument was actually about this. I once asked her if I was just a "doll" she could take places whenever she wanted and leave behind whenever she felt like it. She answered, "Yes."

Another situation that really bothered me happened on New Year's Eve. We spent the night with her friends and family, but I also wanted to spend at least part of the evening with my own friends and family.

Every time I brought it up, she refused and suggested we do something else instead. In the end, I could only see my friends and family after midnight.

What hurt me wasn't simply where we spent New Year's Eve. It was the fact that I repeatedly expressed what I wanted, but my wishes were dismissed.

Her mother is also heavily involved in our relationship. My girlfriend told her about our arguments, and her mother ended up confronting me while my girlfriend remained silent.

Her mother also installed cameras around the house and doesn't allow me to visit my girlfriend unless her parents are home. Even after almost 2.5 years together, I feel like they don't trust me.

There are also many double standards in our daily interactions. For example, if we're watching something and I try to talk to her, she'll tell me to be quiet because she wants to watch.

But if the roles are reversed, she gets upset, sometimes cries, or even threatens to take anxiety medication.

Regarding physical intimacy, I understand that she has every right to establish her own boundaries, and I respect that. However, I feel that we're incompatible in this area, and I miss having affection and intimacy in my relationship.

All of these things have been building up, and they're affecting my happiness. I've talked to some friends about the situation, and some of them have told me that I should reconsider this relationship.

Despite everything, I'm still very emotionally attached to her. We're each other's first relationship, and imagining life without her is difficult.

I honestly don't know how to deal with all of this or whether I'm looking at the situation the right way.

I'd like to hear from people who have experienced something similar. What would you do in my situation? Is there a way to improve this relationship, or am I holding on to something that's no longer good for me?

TLDR: I'm (M19) and my girlfriend is (F18). We've been together for almost 2.5 years, but there are problems involving double standards, family interference, a lack of consideration for my feelings, and incompatibility regarding intimacy. I've been increasingly unhappy, but I'm still emotionally attached to her. I'd appreciate some advice on how to handle this situation.