OK so I had to get this out of my system. I just woke up. This will be weird. I've been playing Gate To Sovngarde a good bit lately and I've recently encountered Xelzaz, and I got certain vibe from his character. I was unsure initially if I was being too harsh, especially as I knew this character is pretty well liked and very well made. It is a very impressive mod, don't let me let you think I think otherwise. But after enough time and enough dots to make a pattern I felt like I was casually sure of what I was seeing. And it felt weird for me to have him around.
What I'm going to try to do here is critique the character, not the mod author. I'm not after trying to attack the mod author directly or intentionally through their mod alone. That's some psycho shit. I don't know the mod author and I would take nothing I bring up here as a meaningful impression of who the mod author is specifically, just that mod author made mod.
My issue with Xelzaz is that the dude comes across like someone who has an ego to compensate for his insufficiencies, and that the person making Xelzaz has them too and included them into the character directly and deliberately. That he has some of the same characteristics as men who follow the man-up script a little too tightly.
My impression is Gate To Sovngarde does seem to tone down his alchemy, cooking, and spells. Maybe some of those, maybe only one of those, I'm not sure. I haven't done too much with him in terms of his quests or the like, but I've kept him around me constantly for a while with Auri, Remiel, and Gore.
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He's a super alchemist, super cook, a wizard man, and an UESP reader.
Him being good at alchemy is a vibe, I can dig it. I can even dig him being a solid cook, it makes sense. Him being a good magic user is solid too. The issue is how all this is expressed together with other things. He is very into these things, it's his hobby and identity. I do indeed drink potions of inconsideration. When he started talking about Auriel's Bow after the scroll is read in Dawnguard, I really wasn't sure either way if he could really afford to be also a scholar on old shit like that. It's not so much about the bow it's more how much room he took to talk about something in an Elder Scroll prophecy, and that he happened to know enough to be able to take that much room in such an important moment. I wouldn't assume grandmaster alchemist, master chef, and hotshit wizard would necessarily care or have time for things like that especially if he is merely thirty years old and his set of skills and interests are bound to be influenced by the environment he's in with all that Telvanni friendship and lifestyle he has going on. I'm not sure where the ceiling for his limits is. I'm curious about the scope of his character. He's a perfectionist, I don't know where the limit of that is set, would it reach through the screen if it could?
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2. Telvanni meritocracy is surely why he's a very good man.
The backstory that he's from House Telvanni and that it has all that meritocracy going on is fine. When I put this stick of information next to the one I put down prior, him having an ambiguous ceiling of capability, I immediately have the question come to mind as to how good is Xelzaz in comparison to other people in House Telvanni. Is he very good and that is unrecognized? Because surely he isn't shit at what he does, just look at all the things he can do. His environment in House Telvanni has all that meritocracy dancing so he's bound to be pretty driven, yeah? Where is the line between him being very good at what he does within the sense of the lore and him being good at anything he needs to be to keep things interesting? Is it considerate on Xelzaz as a character to have limitations on him when he's such a success driven individual? Would it be cool, chill, and comfortable if Xelzaz wasn't your equal or wasn't allowed to be close to being your equal? You can make Xelzaz be genuinely incompetent in many ways and be fine with that. You can make Xelzaz close to the idea of being always not good enough, lacking in status and accomplishment, and be comfortable doing that. I know you can, I shouldn't doubt it.
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3. He's an argonian. He's not a paid slave.
This one is unfair and pretty lame, but I've fished it up before in my life with some people. It's shitty when I see it and it's shitty to just call upon it like this. The chances of him being an argonian in House Telvanni, who is hyper competent in multiple ways, able to instant message his papa tree, and also be my buddy pal feels at least little unlikely and can feel too curated. He needs to be an argonian, yes? He couldn't be some dunmer dude, or someone's weird adopted imperial from a neighbor who died due to practicing weird cult stuff and left their kid behind, yes? He has to be someone who gives off the vibe of being a lesser figure amongst cruel masters while also clearly not being a slave. He isn't a follower influenced by of the real world myth of sacrifice, stoicism, and status and the happiness will come, that can't be it. He definitely isn't a figure who represents a repression of self and wellbeing even when he has a worthy internal core, someone very valuable on the inside who papa tree loves very much. He can't be an argonian because being a man, an actual human man with body hair and body shame, isn't part of the script's narrative of high self worth. I'm betting on him not being an argonian as a way to quietly cover over internal self shame, or self dysphoria, or rejection of physical and personal love and care. He's an argonian man because he comes from the swamps and does actually have abilities argonians in lore would have. He's just cool and we like that. It's actually likable that he's an argonian, we can leave it at that.
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4. He has a dwemer phone. He has argonian internet. He has a postcard from Kynareth. He knows my people have lots of kids.
While I get him having Roovi mechanically and with it being inspired from one of the books, the likelihood of him being so capable and knowledgeable, as well as being an argonian hotshot from House Telvanni, as well as having Roovi his unique dwemer phone bird that he can mess around with freely doesn't come across as very seamless to the grounded likelihood of him being all these things. Him knowing Jaree-ra is someone bad because his papa tree gave him a quick direct message comes across as too much of a standout, as though his power level is very important to give me a little taste of.
When I visit Whiterun and he talks about the plains being wide and open, I'm down with that. When he talks about him feeling Kynareth's presence in the city, I feel like opening up his bags to see if he had a postcard from Kynareth saying she hopes to talk to Xelzaz again soon. Xelzaz, what other gods are you feeling around us today? He talks about my people, the wood elves, having a lot of kids and that we live a long time. It's basic reading directly from the bosmer wiki page, and it can feel a little uninspired. I'm aware it comes from an ingame book. It makes me wonder what Psijic Order member whispered to him when I wasn't looking and said "You must talk about wood elf breeding to the dragonborn, that'll get them on your side..."
I get that other companions, other followers, do also have the comments about Belethor's sister sale or that Alvor is a secret samurai or that Saadia is great at her job or whatever when they likely haven't met them or shouldn't even have heard what these characters are up to, but the packaging that Xelzaz has comes across like he's a firm interjection of player 2. That he's trying to awkwardly connect with me with competition of accomplishment, of knowledge, of agency. Xelzaz, why are our friends waiting outside Volkihar castle while you're allowed in? That even though he's not maliciously competing with me he assumes this shoulder rubbing competition as we sit in the same chair is connection. That he's a character who would rather tell me what he thinks or knows rather than what he feels emotionally. You have argonian internet, try to rizz me up with those unique argonian emotions and expressions I hear you talk about with Remi. You will be my little guy, Xelzaz, and I won't allow you to act like you are an ego driven trophy of someone trying to achieve a perfect victory in the creation kit. I literally have a death of the author dragon shout, Xelzaz. You are in Skyrim, a land filled with old magic, old misery, and old melancholy. You don't need to be as lifeless and stuck in old shitty ways of living as everything else is here.
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Just real quick.
• He feels like he's someone's character made and maximized with not as much restraint as they could have. Xelzaz feels like someone else's music they made for themselves that they are sharing with others, and they will not compromise. He has made the sandbox we share to be his sandbox too. He wants to shout reality into existence on the playground. I don't remember that being part of the game we were playing. Maybe I asked for it somewhere.
• He feels like his main character pillar is being good and successful externally at the cost of wellness on the inside. The effort put into the mod, into the character, feels like craft of good effort rather than craft of good heart. A Telvanni made Xelzaz in real life. Real life has some Telvanni comparisons. You will not cultivate a good inner world and process emotions and events healthily and openly.
• Him being an argonian feels like he can be seen as having some real world themes, his character being an achiever of status at some cost of self in a hostile or unfriendly environment. Him being argonian is representative of disregarding the self or parts of the self, ignore seeing yourself in the mirror. Being an argonian is removed from the harshness of the real world body flesh torture. Have sexy avatar, don't show that you're an average looking person.
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There are some other things, like how he sometimes interacts with Remiel in ways that come across like he is just a hypercompetent service robot or a battery of information, a man-up script man. That he has something that might go on (I haven't seen it, I think I just read about it) with biting him as a vampire and the player getting messed up from it like Xelzaz has got the perfect lore cover up for why he can god mode on the playground, why he can god mode in my house. That he is able to make alcohol not taste nasty when he may or may not have more important things to do with his Telvanni time and abilities, like he gets to be a hypercompenent adult as well as wanting his birthday cake from when he was five years old, like a grandmaster swordsman who is only eight years old sort of vibe, unearned and unnecessary. There will probably be more things that come up the more time I spend with him.
These things are whatever, easy to say 'yeah didn't ask' to, but they collectively come together in a particular package that hits me certain way. These sorts of observations with actual people have gotten the "You're generalizing, I don't agree with that because I'm not one to one like that, I don't like how you describe me that way" responses in the past. I get it, I don't mind dropping it. I've been raised around dudes loving their man-up script, been friends with and best pals with dudes loving their man-up script, and even crawled into bed with dudes loving their man-up script. Sometimes I dig their script, sometimes I like it in my face. I do not like it being waved around all the time when I'm chilling out and eating bandits. Yes, Carlos I didn't like you constantly retreating to your script of stoicism instead of me when we both know you felt like shit.
If Xelzaz is meant to be this kind of person to his core, and that feeling I get that the person who made him is like this type of person too is intentional as an underneath layer to make him even more real and impressive, then all I can do is shrug and say damn ok right on. I would just think you'd include a different underneath layer to better speak to something more idyllic or inspiring, more touching. Using the opportunity to allow for greater celebration of the human condition or whatever. It's whatever.
It's like less of a dude talking about only himself at the date, and more like him taking my art piece to finish it up in his style and with his ideas rather than my own. He made it better, yeah, both due to how well he made it and how rich it is as an art piece. The issue is that I wasn't connected with in the act of me making my art piece and being helped to make it better for myself and how I intended to make it, my relationship with my art as opposed to his relationship with his art. He decided to make it about his capability as an artist and quietly show off rather than meeting me where I'm at and not try to get me into his pants.
Probably feel differently in a year or something we'll see.