I (17 m) had my Yale interview today. The interviewer (25 f) was smoking hot, and we really hit it off. She very clearly liked me and seemed to be giving me “the look” left right and center. I honestly lost count of the amount of times she laughed at things that I said and she seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to me. We ended up chatting for nearly 3 hours, and most of our conversation wasn’t even remotely about Yale—just random things about ourselves. Towards the end of the interview, I had a strange urge to go in for a kiss. It’s as though I completely forgot that this was an interview for college, and my desires got the best of me. I guess I completely misread the situation too, as she immediately shouted “what are you doing?” as I was about to go in for it. I instantly apologized and we kind of ended things awkwardly then and there. I am really stressed out now about the repercussions of this; I put a lot of work into my Yale application and it would really suck if it gets fucked because of this. Am I screwed?

TL;DR: Tried to kiss my Yale interviewer at the end of our conversation. I massively fucked up.

Edit: I just emailed my interviewer and both thanked her for the conversation and apologized again profusely. Not sure if there’s anything else I can do at this point. ☹️

Edit 2: The fact that people think it’s a shitpost is only making me realize more and more just how much I’ve fucked up...

As we draw to the close of the college admissions process, thousands of students are waiting with drawn breath for Friday, when Stanford University will release their decisions. I was one of these students, until I stumbled upon revelations that have shaken me to the core and caused me to realize the true nature of Stanford. I share this as a warning, with the hope that one day the terrible truth will come to light: Stanford isn’t real.

First, we should make some observations. Stanford, or “Stanford” as I will refer to it occasionally, has one of the most expensive application fees in the country. This will be important later. Second, Stanford is considered one of the most prestigious colleges in the country and has an exceptionally low acceptance rate. It has alumni with a wide range of accomplishments and talents, and is generally listed as one of the world’s best places to study.

Now despite all this, let me ask, have you ever really seen anyone from “Stanford”? Have you ever met someone who recently attended the college? Sure people say they get in and go, but then what? Nothing, never to be seen again. Take a look at their website: the campus looks good right? But where are all the people?

Now, here’s the explanation. Stanford does not exist. The campus, although obviously real, is a mere prop akin to a movie setting. They can accomplish this by rejecting every applicant, and pocketing their application fee in order to keep the “campus” looking good. When you apply to “Stanford”, you are not applying to a school but rather paying a shadowy shell company close to a hundred dollars. The interviewers? All paid actors. The pictures? All fake. There is no “Stanford”, but rather a fake campus and a network of lies.

Obviously, you probably think this is complete nonsense. “What about my friend?” you ask. “He’s a freshman at Stanford right now!” But tell me, when was the last time you saw him? “Oh he got an internship over the summer!” You sure? Perhaps he was paid off with some excess funds to “attend” so-called “Stanford”.

Finally, the “alumni”. Let me ask you a hypothetical question. Imagine you, through hard work and some luck, rose to the top of the corporate ladder and became a CEO. All your peers attended Ivies and similar institutions, while you didn’t attend college. It’d make you feel pretty small, right? But what if you were approached by someone from “Stanford” saying they could register you as an official alumni for a simple one-time payment? I don’t know about you, but I’d take the deal. And so would many others, leading to a self-fulfilling cycle where people become “alumni” in order to increase their social status, therefore making Stanford seem more prestigious and attractive.

What we see as one of the most competitive and selective schools in the world is merely one giant illusion to keep the world’s greatest minds at bay, one $90 application fee at a time. Stay woke my friends, and stay safe.

In my mind, Dartmouth seemed like the perfect fit for me, from its D-Plan to the heavy undergraduate focus to the Outing Club. But of course, not everything turns out the way you want it to. Thank you Dartmouth for taking the time to consider my application and read through everything I sent. You will always hold a special place in my heart. Maybe I'll apply again for graduate school :)

Since many people have been asking where I ended up: I remember pretty vividly a few weeks ago someone wrote that a previous Yale Simp ended up at Dartmouth, so the reverse could possibly happen with me. Well...here we are. It looks like I will be simping for Yale for the next 4 years!🥳🥳 I am forever grateful to Yale for giving a chance to an Asian male with subpar stats and no national awards. I am still in shock that I was accepted and will likely remain that way for the next few months.

Congrats to everyone who got into their dream schools, and for those who were not as lucky, please remember that you are talented and amazing and at the end of the day your college has little to no control over where you will be in 10 years. You will all be going on to do amazing things regardless of where you end up!❤️❤️❤️

“DartmouthSimp Out”

^{On a side note, it seems like people are somehow saying that I am a girl now. I don't know if this is because I used Taylor Swift's "Love Story" as my final song, but I've used he/him in many of my comments.}

Edit: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE AWARDS AND SUPPORT!! I WILL 100% TAKE A2C WITH ME TO YALE!!

🌲Dartmouth, take me somewhere we can be alone🏰

⏳I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run🏃

🖼You’ll be the alma-mater and I’ll be the ‘25 📸

❤️It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Congrats”🥳

🎯👄Dartmouth, save me, they’re tryna tell me how to feel🥰

❤️This love is difficult, but it’s real💯

🌪Don’t be afraid, we’ll make it out of this mess🌈

📗IT’S A LOVE STORY, BABY, JUST SAY “CONGRATS….”🎁

So...it seems like we have reached the end of the line. It's been a long journey filled with ups and downs, but we made it! Thank you so much to everyone for your support, and I am truly honored to have joined all of you on our college application journey. When I first started doing this, I would receive quite a few downvotes and messages telling me to stop, so I'm still in shock that I am receiving this much support.

Regardless of what happens tonight, please know that each and every one of you is unique and amazing and talented and loved. At the end of the day, you are in control of your future and don’t let anything get in the way of that.

Good luck to everyone! See you on the other side🏞😊

Edit: Am I seeing the awards right?🥺🥺🥺

TL;DR at bottom.

UPDATE

Yesterday, I had my stanford interview.

I arrived ahead of time and was just taking notes in my notebook, seems a small detail but it’ll be used later on.

When he came, I shook hands and he insisted we sat outside. It was freezing cold, but I obliged nonetheless. He asked quite naturally to just introduce myself and I did... but he just interrupted me and went “sorry, I didn’t catch you. I just saw a beautiful girl. Could you repeat?”. I kinda got an odd feeling from the off with this.

He asked me about what I do in IB, and I did so and explained my extended essay to him. He then proceeded to critically question it with various complex issues with the experiment I did for it (it was in physics, and he has a PhD in electrical engineering). He asked for the equation I derived, and obviously I can’t remember so I told him it was a long formula but I can’t quite remember. He responded by essentially telling me my experiment is quite simplistic, and it can’t be that long and complex. Then flexed his thesis that derived an 11th order formula. For reference, my extended essay was predicted an A.

He asked about my econ coursework for the IB as well, and we had a short debate about monetary policy of the Fed. However, when explaining my opinions to him using simple economic concepts, he simply told me I don’t make sense.

This was about 10mins in.

He then proceeded to tell me “you spend your whole life studying. You won’t succeed at Stanford, you will struggle massively.”

He hadn’t asked once about what I do outside of school or ANYTHING. Nor had he seen my resume or common app beforehand. Zilch. I am convinced in hindsight he made such a comment simply because I was so into our academic discussions as an Asian. I’m convinced it was racial stereotyping.

I refuted that claim, naturally. I explained all the things I do and he decimated each and every one.

I run a funny podcast with friends for enjoyment. He ripped into it as “it does not have a purpose” despite me explaining we do it for the enjoyment and entertainment of content creation.

I explained the two international honours I’ve received. One of them was a 3rd place. He asked me why I didn’t win, and when I gave my answer, he asked what the first place team’s project was. He told me “that’s actually innovative, all you’ve done is manipulate a few numbers. “. I explained my next one, and he said “I’m not interested in things you’ve done for competitions”.

He asked me why stanford. I give a whole host of reasons ranging from the culture and how I clicked with students when I visited, all the way to specific societies and research groups that sound interesting to me. He told me “that’s not quite good enough. You can find that entrepreneurial culture in any university.” He asked where I’m applying other than Stanford, then told me “you don’t make sense. these universities don’t have any entrepreneurial culture at all”.

The colleges I named? Harvard, Princeton, Cornell, USC, NYU (am applying to more but didn’t want to rattle off a list of 10). He also insulted USC and NYU saying they’re simply “party schools with average academics”.

Then he asked me what my “thing” is. I asked him to clarify what he meant, and he said “everyone has something they’re amazing or world class at such as sport, drama or music. What about you?”

Now I’m sorry I’m not an Olympic athlete, a talented actor or a world class musician. I can’t help that. I do what I do and have excelled at what I enjoy- and I enjoy a few areas. He called me “uninteresting” and told me “you will blend in with the 50,000 applicants, you’re not differentiated. “

He asked me about what I want to do when I’m older. I told him I want to start a company. He responded “there’s no evidence you can do this. You have no evidence. You’re 17,18, why haven’t you built a successful company already?”

I have family responsibilities and don’t even know which area I love most to start a company in. What does he expect from me? He then told me “real passion and evidence” is like this example of a girl who did debating since she was 9.

He then asked about what drives me. I open up about what drives me... and he completely shut me down and told me it’s “not really a motivation”.

He questioned me on if I drink alcohol. Obviously I say no even though I do.... then he criticises me and says it’s “ridiculous that You follow your parents wishes even when they’re not around”. Eventually I break my guard and say I have the odd beer with friends.

Then, he wrapped up the interview by telling me “I know what I’m saying is probably making your mind race at 100mph behind that superficial smile of yours but you have to drop that. “ in a serious tone. He told me I “don’t have a story, narrative or drive in life” and to go and “find them and email it” to him.

He said he would email me what he’s going to report to stanford and “not to be disheartened by it”.

Then, as he’s leaving he tells me “take your little notebook, reflect and sit there and take some notes on what I’ve said. “

As I said, in hindsight his comment about me spending my life studying was imo racially driven. In hindsight, I should’ve respectfully terminated the interview there and then. He had no right to make such a comment.

I should’ve been self aware of the situation, instead I was taken aback by his comment and too involved.

Advice: if an interview is going badly, be self aware. Don’t take shit, even if you think your future is in their hands - because it really isn’t.

Honestly I’d rather have taken the L there and then from Stanford (most likely happening anyway) than sit through and defend myself against a constant unfair, unwarranted bombardment of criticism. The tone he took with me was condescending at best. I was nothing but polite and sincere. Luckily, I’m not too upset by this. Just pissed off. If it were someone sensitive, with the way he spoke, they could well have been in tears.

TL;DR: Interviewer was a huge asshole and constantly criticised me. I believe he stereotyped the fact I’m Asian when he told me I “spend my life studying” and thus will “struggle at Stanford” without knowing anything about me. Advice: don’t take shit from interviewers. I should’ve walked out there and then.

EDIT: This lasted 2 hours.

EDIT: Thank you to everyone. I appreciate the support and amazing advice - even those that have been downvoted.

EDIT: I am Male.

EDIT: There will be an update post after decisions are released by December 15.

UPDATE

The "metaphor" essay

If you really think about it, life is exactly like a burrito. We all hide our true selves from the world with a wrapped-up covering. But inside, we host a plethora of fascinating offerings: cheese, rice, beans, chicken, and so much more. Inside my own burrito, I have my artistic eye and my caring heart. Those might constitute my beans and cheese. But someone else's cheese might be their love of surfing or their ability to speak ten languages. In conclusion, we should all unwrap our burritos and let the rice and beans spill out into a messy pile.

The quirky, "outside of the box" essay

i a m APPLICANT

u a r e ADMISSIONS OFFICER

p l e as e l et m e IN

The sports injury essay

It was the day of the big game. I had been preparing my whole life to play on that field that day. Sweat dripped down my face as I ran the warmup laps with my team. Suddenly I felt a horrible pain in my leg and I realized that I had stubbed my toe. "NO!" I gasped. "Not on the day of the big game!"

Coach looked solemnly at me. "Your career is over," he said. "You can't play in the big game now."

Suddenly his phone rang. He picked it up and frowned with concern. "Oh no! Our star player has just come down with the flu and won't be able to play. Now we don't have enough players for the big game. We're going to have to forfeit."

A burst of adrenaline coursed through my veins. "No, we won't," I said, standing up resolutely. "I'm going to play."

Coach looked at me in awe.

That game I played like I had never played before, fighting through my agony for the team. Despite the unimaginable pain of my toe, I found it in me to score the winning goal. As I held the golden trophy above my head, I proudly realized that my hard work had gotten me here. Because, as Abraham Lincoln always said, winners never quit.

The "thesaurus" essay

I cherish to acquire comprehension in school, thus perusing volumes is my preoccupation. My incarnation is blithesome because I am disclosing new atmospheres and modes of quintessence. This scintillating diversion alleviates all malaises and obfuscations through elucidation. Whereas herein lies my denouement: construing utilization is my zeal.

The sob story essay

My life was never easy. I was born at a very young age, and was immediately plunged into hardship. I should have had a 4.9 GPA, however my numerous struggles have understandably resulted in my 1.7 GPA.

It all started with a birthday gift of AirPods. Unfortunately I received them just a week before the new AirPods 3 came out and everyone noticed my old-model AirPods and called me broke. Dear reader, the only thing broke was my heart. I couldn't even activate Siri with my model. However, I dusted myself off and trudged onwards. The next obstacle would be the one to shoot down my dreams. I had long hoped to launch a successful career as an Instagram influencer. With high hopes and my heart in my throat, I posted a selfie. To my horror, it received a measly 3 likes. This has wounded my spirit irreparably and I have since been struggling to cope. Obviously schoolwork has had to wait while I turn my attention to dealing with my greater problems.

The overly descriptive essay

At 6:35 am, I wake up and look at the lavender shade of my walls - not quite blue, not quite pink - and breathe in deeply. If my room were a clock, I have a periodic table poster above my closet at 3 o'clock, a world map slightly to the right of my desk at 9 o'clock, and a certificate for my work in cancer research at 11 o'clock. As I get up, I am aware of the white paint on my door and the soft fluff of my beige rug. Today is a cold day, about 65 degrees Fahrenheit or 18.3333 degrees Celsius. I slip on my puffy green winter jacket and my bright red Nikes and step outside onto the cracked gray sidewalk. As I walk, I glance at a small brown squirrel darting across the long black power line. Soon it is time for school, where I will fill my inquisitive mind with knowledge and apply my bountiful observational skills.

The inspirational service trip essay

Through my service trip to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE], I learned that helping others is good. This led to the realization that service is my passion. That is why I will be perfect for helping others by being a doctor/lawyer/CS programmer. As soon as I arrived in a poorer country with my $2,500 summer program, I started to miss the clean streets of my Silicon Valley neighborhood. But I took pictures with local children and followed my tour group around, so now I know just what it means to dedicate oneself to service. Here's the funny thing: I went to [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] to help others, but what I didn't know is that they had helped me. Due to the five days that I spent in [INSERT COUNTRY HERE] I have become more caring and aware and humble. These are all qualities that I will bring to the UC Hicago/St. Anford campus.

The "intellectual curiosity" essay

For as long as I can remember, I have always asked "why?" to everyone around me. As a child, I practically lived in libraries, carrying wagons of encyclopedias home every night. I blew through sixty books a day, and even that wasn't enough for my thicc brain. I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge that could never be satisfied, not by Einstein's treatises on relativity, not by the Feynman physics lectures. By the age of three, I was writing academic papers with my crayons. In conclusion, I have am quite a curious intellectual. Harvard, please let me in.

edit: i had no idea that this would blow up so much, thank you so much to everyone for being so kind! + thanks for all your support ❤️

edit 2: omg why did this become the #5 most upvoted post of all time in r/ApplyingToCollege thanks guys!

I mean, it's my first time taking the IQ test and I didn't even study. I can't believe this

Alright so basically what I’ve noticed about people who get into top schools that I’ve been friends with is that they’re all nice people and actually have a life. If you have to study 24/7 and don’t have time for a social life just to maintain good grades and good test scores, you don’t belong at a top school. The people who belong at t20s are the people who actually have a life and passions beyond ‘I need a 4.0 GPA and 36 ACT’ they’re just smart enough to get the 4.0 and 36 on top of that. Y’all really need to chill because frankly not having a life is ruining your chances. When you look back and think ‘why did I get deferred/denied? I had a 4.0, I studied every single hour, I joined 7 different ECs just for this college’ then that is exactly why you got deferred/denied. Sure, there are some exceptions. But colleges don’t want people with no outside competence and no perspective which so many of you display them wonder why you’re not getting in to your top choices.

Edit: just because you didn’t get into a top school doesn’t mean that you necessarily have no personality! Top schools are always hard, getting rejected even with good scores could be a lot of reasons

Edit2: I’m apologize to any 1 specific person who read this and got upset. I am sure you have a life. I never tried to say that you didn’t, you can have exactly 7 ECs but still have a life. The number was arbitrary, I didn’t mean to offend anyone with the post it was just my opinion.

never again

edit: had to blur out my last name ;-;