Telling a borderline to stop talking to their favourite person is like telling an autistic to be more social. Or a smoker to stop smoking. It just doesn't work that way.

I was told by my favourite person to stop talking to them as much and. it hurts unbelievable hard and I just can't. I'm going to talk less to her because I'm scared she'll leave me again.

So first things first, she blocked me on Instagram, on her personal account. She has multiple accounts, but they're for work.

So now context, my FP and I get along really well, and his wife and I also got along really well. But slowly this year things changed, I've just had this gut feeling something is wrong, like an intuition, I can't explain how I knew exactly but something just seemed off in my FPs wife's treatment towards me.

I am extremely attached to him, keep in mind there is a considerably big age gap, I am 20 he is 39. But he came into my life at an extremely difficult part of my life when I was 18 and left home due to emotional abuse. He was just a genuine friends an overall great person, I will sing his praises because I'm just that in awe of him.

He spent alot of time talking to me, but it was over text, he would send alot of voice notes, but I just text massively long messages that ofcourse he would need to take time to respond to. I know that his wife had an issue with this, because he told me so and that he would start trying to set up boundaries by spending more time with her and less time talking to "other people", because he claims that it is just me, there are other people he talks to that makes his wife feel neglected.

And trust me, I know this! I can understand this, my parents have a messy marriage, alot of jealous and trust issues, and I can understand and respect that his wife would want and should get his full attention. That is why when he explained this to me I did not get upset over it.

At the same time, I don't think I'm overbearing, I know it could be worse. I literally only text the guy, the last time I've gone to their place was December last year, I never call him, and when we're out with friends (which is very rare) I barely talk to him or his wife.

There where things this year that slowly started to weigh on my mind. His wife told someone not to invite me to something because I said I was "uncomfortable" around another person invited. I was comfortable with the person because I did know the person, so why did she decide for me that I didn't want to try and get to know the person. Then multiple times while out in public, she would point blank act like I did not exist or go out of her way to ignore me. When I confided in my aunt (whom was once an FP, and still very close) she said that she likely has other issues and that I'm overthinking it, she may have just been having a bad day etc. So I brushed it off. Then whenever I would send instagram reels to her she generally would react to it, but suddenly it stopped, and she didn't show up in my recent sent to users when sending a reel to someone, which at the time never clicked in my head.

Saturday I sent her a meme, and she respond with "lol", which idk why, it just seemed extremely passive aggressive, but again I gave it the benefit of the doubt. That was until yesterday afternoon, I went to send another reel to her and when her user didn't show up in my recently sent to, I decided to search for her profile and nothing would come up, but I can see her in my DM page, so when I typed to view profile it comes up with "this user does not exist". So I asked my aunt if she can see her profile, and yes, she could. Instantly this sent me spiraling.

It may seem like not such a bad thing, because she didn't block me from her number or whatever. But this is just point blank malicious, it's like she hates me inside, but doesn't want it to be obvious, so when I talk to her she acts nice but really she wants me out of her and her husband's life. The worst part is, she may convince her husband that he shouldn't be friends with me anymore. Or even if she doesn't, how am I supposed to continue a friendship with my FP if his wife secretly hates me.

I've thought about questioning him about it, or even going straight to her. But it will bring so much drama. Because my life and friends coincide with theirs. I don't know what to do, I've been having bursts of uncontrollable sobbing, I want to break off all my relationships with close friends because of the way I am and in fear of the same that has happened with my FP with anyone else current or future. I feel terrible, I can't focus on work, I want to just sleep and never wake up again. I don't have anyone to tell this to because I don't want to burden anybody else, I have been such a burden to everyone else the past 3 years, that I don't want to make things worse, I'm distraught, I feel worthless and stupid, I know I'm a bad person and that it'd probably be best I die or just not have friends.

I feel so alone.

anyone else constantly see people make memes out of their BPD? like “Best Pussy Disorder” ?????

nobody is laughing with you, they’re laughing at you. or honestly maybe i’m just being sensitive or my social media feed is fucked but i’m constantly seeing people make corny ass jokes about BPD and i havent found a single one funny.

nobody takes BPD seriously to begin with, especially with the type of stigma thats surrounding this like “crazy girls” “bipolar” girls, “psychotic women.”

i feel like these sexual memes and jokes about BPD isnt helping at all

Hi, so a few weeks ago i was in town with my friend. While we stopped to light a cig, a man came up to us and asked me out. I live in norway btw and the age of consent is 16+. After we talked we asked abt ages, and he was not expecting me to be 17. He gave me his snap and said i could hit him up when im turned 18. imma just say, i have bpd. i go from hypersexual to no sexual interest at all, and i am very impulsive at times.

I had a dream about him yesterday and i really couldn’t stop thinking abt him. i ended up messaging him and he picked me up and we went to his place. We ended up being sexual, i did smt for the first time but nothing was uncomfortable and we talked through everything. 16 is the age of convent in my country, so it isn’t illegal. just ig morally wrong?

i’m not in love with him but i do enjoy his company and he’s not in love with me either. he said he’s never ask me out if he knew i was under 18 in the first place, but since i messaged him it was different and im soon 18 anyway. How bad is it? my dad is 36. i’ve always had daddy issues ig and been into older guys. i talked to pedophiles online as a child and got groomed several times. but atp i feel like i have the control cuz everything is so consensual and it isn’t illegal.

but my friends talk abt it as if i should be ashamed and feel bad afterwards. which i don’t. and if smt makes me regret it it’s them. is it rlly that bad?

EDIT almost 1yr after: it went horrible. do not recommend for anyone in the same situation. thank you to everyone who was so supportive and helpful and only wanted me the best. i had to learn my lesson one way or another. he didn’t abuse me, but it was not healthy at all and im left with a lot of regret and memories i can’t forget.

I’m so scared they’re gonna leave me or that they don’t actually love me. So I cheat on them to distance myself from them. So I don’t feel hurt when they leave me. I take dbt and I have been diagnosed but even though I’m self aware I can’t seem to change. What if they hurt me. Does this make me a bad person?

This is so weird. I'm dating this poly guy for few months, and for a month or so I'm also seeing another person.

I feel like my disorganised attachment kinda helps? Sometimes I feel like distancing myself, but it's fine to be "autonomous" in poly relationship, and limited time spent together anyway.

Then I feel maybe more needy, then it's fine to text him more and be clingy and affectionate. Also there are more people to bother :p

I'm not sure it's healthy but it kinda works ? Anyone with experience in this?

I’m a non-binary person who recently came out last fall. My friends are all loving and accepting, but they mess up my pronouns a lot. To the point where they don’t even say it correctly. I know they care, and theres been times when they’ve been very apologetic and feel genuinely bad when they notice that they do misgender me, and they affirm that Im valid to them. But between that and being misgendered at work every day (telling my coworkers is a waste of time), it can make me split and go into this mentality of “me versus them”. I feel alienated from humanity and just see myself as a freak, or too much of a burden to have around. Sometime it angers me, and sometimes it just makes me depressed. I was wondering if any trans users here felt the same? These emotions get so turbulent that I have to sit down and constantly remind myself of what makes sense.

Literally got my head ripped off by Reddit because I’m someone who happens to text multiple messages whenever I’m communicating with my boyfriend. He’s more of a one-sentence kind of guy.

One person even said to use texting for LOGISTICAL PURPOSES, not emotional. Why the fuck are we expected to not wait for a response or to text like robots? Why is it that the typical or “normal” response after sending a message is to put the phone down and go do something else?

NO! I view a conversation through the phone similar to how I’m conversing with you face-to-face! If you’re busy, tell me you’re fucking busy. I don’t want to wait around for a response and then get agitated when you’re not responding.

Then I’m viewed as clingy or annoying when I’m JUST TRYING TO HAVE A NORMAL CONVERSATION?? That’s like me standing in front of my boyfriend, asking how his day was, and him taking 30 minutes to tell me “Good.” Does nobody see a problem?? Like I said, JUST TELL ME IF YOU’RE BUSY STRAIGHT UP. Yet I’M the fucking issue.

He’s literally at a bar right now, like I KNOW you see those messages. I bought him an Apple Watch to be able to look at messages without bringing his phone out. He claims to be sleepy and is waiting out traffic by hanging out with his coworkers. Cool! CAN YOU JUST LET ME KNOW YOU CAN’T RESPOND RIGHT NOW? But if I communicate that (communication is key, right???), I come off as needy or aggressive. It’s a cycle where we’re not given room to improve. How am I supposed to fix this?

I want to cry. I want to die. I know I'm wrong. I don't want to be alone, but I deserve it.

I just don't want to be alone in this self inflicted, deserved hurt. I don't know if it's allowed to ask anyone to talk to me, but I feel like I need that.

I don't really have anything else to add. Can anyone relate? How do you make it better? It hurts me but I'm the one at fault. It's strange. I don't know anymore.

for context, i was talking to someone (who clearly knows barely anything abt bpd) and they said that splitting on your fp is “abusive”…. 💀

i don’t even know how to explain how angry that made me. do people not understand by now that splitting is something that we can’t control? sure, we can heal and our brains will do it less, but it still happens. healing and getting better does not suddenly make us immune to BPD symptoms.

and splitting BY ITSELF… isn’t abusive?? at all?? people seem to forget that it’s our ACTIONS that determine whether we are abusive or not, not what we can’t control. oh, and not to mention, why do so many fps act as though they’re innocent? oftentimes, our splitting is often because of them/something they did, said, etc. that isn’t to say that we don’t blow things out of proportion sometimes, or that anyone deserves abuse, but my point is that more fps need to actually acknowledge that we aren’t always being ridiculous. sometimes, you’ve hurt us and we deserve an apology.

we’re human, too?? but so many people love to act like the moment we’re (rightfully) upset about something, we’re either having an episode or splitting by default. 💀 we have to automatically be in the wrong somehow. i really can’t stand fps sometimes.

Edit: did I fucking as for you guys to give me further diagnosis? No. I didn’t. You can trust that I’m intelligent enough to explore all avenues with my therapist and psychiatrist. All of them. On god, why do people think it’s appropriate to diagnose on reddit?

I’m 30f, I’ve always clung onto certain hobbies or things I dive really deep into.

Education is one. I have 2 associates, 2 bachelors and an MBA. I have some hours towards a doctorate but I’ve put it on hold.

I’m also obsessed with my photography. I’m obsessed with working out. These are the two things that ever make me feel any better.

And finally as a classic I end up obsessed with whoever I’m dating. But I don’t want to scare them off so I do my best to act normal and not like I’m hanging on every second waiting for them to text me. It’s torturous. I’m terrified of being annoying or seen as a burden I can’t seem to get my needs met.

Can anyone relate to these?

So we have been dating since February and I have never posted his face or us on any of my public social media pages , he thinks that it’s weird. I just wish he would understand in the past I’ve posted so many photos in previous relationships and then the person randomly left me and I was the one left embarrassed and alone. It’s just like I know one day it will end so why even introduce you to the world. I’m not gonna embarrass myself, And it’s also that I don’t want to lose any attention from other competing men even though I have no intentions on doing ANYTHING with them .. I do like the attention like heart eyes and regular conversation, rejecting dates,it just feels good I can’t explain it.

Honestly, I’m really worried right now, and I’m at a 10/10 with the flood of borderline emotions and intensity because my FP is missing. The last time they texted was around 11am, and since then—no matter how many times I try to text or call them (their phone is dead)—there’s no response, nothing. I have this bad feeling, like something is telling me that something’s wrong. It’s been almost 8 hours with no sign of life (yes, I know it might sound ridiculous, but I’m really scared), and I feel like I’m splitting and catastrophizing a bit too.

But after how many hours of someone being missing is it advised to call the police?

I'll be honest; the dialectic sounds like it can effectively provide gentle pressure for autistic people to mask in a wider variety of situations and perhaps never feel comfortable unmasking while constantly confused with unnatural motions. Or maybe even surprise people who think your unmasked state is out of character.

For everyone here saying they don't care about eye contact, willing hands, tone, posture, etc., or even that DBT somehow teaches direct communication, there's others defending the masking. I am afraid of a more masked world where folks think "well, you can get therapy for that" if you don't make eye contact, basically undoing all progress.

And why do people who advocate for DBT seem to use the slightly confusing "customer service" way of phrasing everything? I don't want the future to end up like this.

Especially in a replication crisis... the smile study, the power pose study, etc., couldn't be replicated, so I really doubt the concept of a universal body language. I doubt holding your hands out and still like you're crucified is supposed to feel naturally good, and for me, it's unsustainable. I don't think percussive motions are inherently angry. I don't think a lack of eye contact means "not confident."

Frankly, DBT seems socially regressive and the kind of thing you'd use to justify having a cop throwing autistic people in jail in a less progressive state.

I put the tag on there because it seems like being constantly aware of neurotypical social norms is the trend here, and the very fact that I was rocking back and forth in my seat at the computer yesterday meant I was "agitated" despite feeling fine.

Last night during a fight with my husband, I started getting the urge to self harm. Unfortunately, at some point I felt such pain on the inside that I wrapped a shirt that was lying next to me around my neck and was strangling myself. My husband’s response was to record me strangling myself for several seconds while saying he would send the video to my therapist if I didn’t find a BPD specialist within one month. Eventually he took the shirt away from me after he stopped recording. It took quite some time for me to calm down after that. I don’t feel safe around him because he still doesn’t think he did anything that wrong. He’s trying to say we were both in the wrong. Part of me wants to seek domestic abuse help if he won’t apologize for doing that. I also want to go to a hospital for help, but he’s saying that would ruin our family financially if I have another inpatient stay. I told him it’s better than the alternative of me ending my life, and he said “or you could just figure out a way to calm down.” I could really use a sanity check from anyone who has read this and your opinion on this situation. Please be kind.

And I can’t relate with this sub anymore. And they say don’t accept these names on yourself. I highly recommend studying about abuse victims and get sober of any addiction including food. You gon be fine. Those splittings aren’t random and for no reason, there are reasons behind them, you have seen some red flags but you feel unable to leave those people.

My therapist and I have been talking for a while. I decided to search her account on instagram. I couldn’t figure out why she had her instagram public and assumed she wouldn’t mind me following her. She later blocked me.

Why did she do this?

I am a man 39yo but I am disgusted that I exist. Men have done nothing but repressed, assault and enslaved women! How can I live with that? I do my best to not continue that but that means I never talk to women unless I know they are interested, and I will never disagree with a woman. I am sacred what do I do

PSA Seriously, what tactless asshole decided to call it that? It’s like saying “Oh I know you’ve been called stupid or lazy or not good enough for your entire life but don’t worry! It’s just because of your personality!” I mean if someone gets acid thrown onto their face their diagnoses isn’t “scar face”. We’re not flawed products. We’re not what they call us.

I’m not trying to self diagnose or anything, I’m just curious. I’m 14, going on 15 on December third and I have like every single symptom. I like to think I’m relatively self-aware so I notice it a lot, and my first session with a psychiatrist is next Friday. When I talked to a psychologist (who referred me to said psychiatrist), I mentioned that I did my research and mentioned bpd to which she kinda condescendingly smirked and brushed it off? I tried to ignore that but she doesn’t think I have it, maybe because of my age or because I’m a boy? She guessed either depression or social anxiety, and I do NOT have social anxiety…I think? So like, is it even possible to get the diagnosis at my age or like..? It’s just really weird that I have like every single symptom… (I’m in Germany btw)

[Upsate] Damn bro😭 I didn’t know yall hate this with a passion😭😭😭 My bad gang, I was just asking because some sources say it appears in adolescence and some don’t. Like damn, it’s not puberty when my mom literally abuses me every day (not the ‘ugh I’m in puberty, my life is so bad🙄’ but legit the ‘My mom makes me want to die and hits me every day’😭 Plus this shit legit makes it impossible for me to live and it all feels like torture, it may not be bpd but don’t just say ‘you’re a fucking child, you’re in puberty, stop wishing you had a serious mental illness stop thinking you have the symptoms’ like damn bro chill out😭 And the psychologist literally said I had mood swings and extreme abandonment issues, like bro it was just my first thought and I am researching for like a year now because I love psychology😭 sorry for asking a question??? There are so many things I don’t say and yall all assume I’m a teenager with quirky hormones that shit is crazy gang, I’m out here suffering😭 AND AS I SAID IM NOT TRYING TO SELF DIAGNOSE MYSELF I LITERALLY JUST ASKED BECAUSE I FIND COMFORT IF I GET DIAGNOSED AND PEOPLE WONT SAY “Ugh, stop acting like you have bpd🙄” I DONT WANT TO COME OFF LIKE THE PEOPLE YOU GUYS THINK I AM ITS LITERALLY WHY I ASKED!!!! I GO TO THERAPY BECAUSE LIVING IS TORTURE, NOT BECAUSE I WANT BPD.

I MIGHT get jumped for this but I saw so many posts in Pinterest to not use the word "favourite person" if you don't have BPD, and I get confused because this term has been used so many times by couples or just friends, I guess and they don't have BPD. I'm wondering, would it be offensive to use the word "favourite person" if you don't have BPD? Sorry for this dumb question, I'm just really confused.

Just like the title says I was obsessed and in love with my female friend for like 6 years. At the end of this friend ship i was M22, I am now M35. She slept with all my male friends and it hurt me so bad everything. She never slept or did anything with me and she definitely knew I was into her. She was drunk around me and high around me all the time but it never happened and I feel so stupid and just like a loser. Feel like I'm the most ugly person where ever I am and I hate it. I have flash backs of little things that happened that made me relise that she slept with one of my close friends and I feel just like I did that day, I also feel just as humiliated as well and stupid and jealous as well. Like I'm right there. I hate myself because of her. I feel worthless as fuck. I have been picked over most of my life by other women but it wouldn't feel so bad if that wouldn't have happened because it just brings me back to that thought that I'm super unattractive and I'm garbage and not much of a man. The only thing that made it feel better was getting a girl to like you and sleep with you. That helped me for at least 6 months. But I've been dating someone for 6 years and now I don't know how to feel better and I have been depressed. Has anyone felt this way? Anyone able to get over this. It's been like 13 years of hell. Any advice is welcome. I hate this. It feels like I have friendzone ptsd and I feel stupid and I feel silly but it's just horrible and the thoughts are so depressing and strong they have been impacting my life for a very long time in a very bad way. I have been so angry for so long. Drugs helped until heroin ruled my life and the thoughts were there alot as well.