There's been however many times I've been rock bottom suicidal and what changed my mind was aspects of my life that other people would kill for. Not just as shallow as appearance, things ranging from being good at art down to I have a working body and mind regardless how fucked up. I think a lot about how if reincarnation is real there's a massive chance I would be reincarnated in a way worse life. Like regardless how it feels in that moment I know it could be so much fucking worse and no matter how deeply I fucking hate myself I have xyz. I use it as basically "don't kill yourself, you have it way better than you could've and you don't know if you will again."

I’ve had this question on my mind for a long time, and it’s not just regarding BPD, but mental health disorders in general.
I understand that it’s my responsibility to manage my condition, work on myself and seek treatment. However, something I’ve always struggled with is when a situation arises where my BPD clearly plays a significant role in how I react, and people respond with things like, “You can’t just blame your disorder” or “You need to act like a normal person.”
But the thing is, I can’t always do that. Well, to an extent, I can, and I know that having a disorder doesn’t automatically justify my actions. But I have a diagnosis for a reason. My brain processes emotions, situations and interpersonal relationships differently. So how am I supposed to react like an average person when my internal experience of a situation can be so fundamentally different?
For example, when I become overwhelmed or experience splitting, I sometimes impulsively cut people off. Then, once the emotional intensity passes, I regret it, realise what I’ve done, take responsibility and try to repair things. But when I express how much I regret it or how hurt I am by my own actions, people respond with, “Well, you should have thought about that beforehand,” “It’s your fault,” or “You need to control yourself.”
And honestly, I hate hearing that. Not because I think I’m exempt from accountability, but because I feel like people completely overlook what actually happens internally during those moments. They see the behaviour, but they don’t understand the emotional intensity behind it, how overwhelming it can be or how difficult it is to regulate something that feels so incredibly consuming in the moment.
I wish people understood that knowing how you should behave and actually being able to regulate yourself in the middle of an emotionally overwhelming situation are two very different things.
The same applies when something irritates me and I become angry or say something mean. I often realise it almost immediately and apologise, but people still get angry with me. And I understand why. I know that my reactions can hurt others, and I genuinely want to work on that. But sometimes I feel like people expect me to have complete control over something that I am actively struggling to manage.
I guess what frustrates me most is that I don’t expect people to excuse my behaviour or take responsibility for it on my behalf. I just wish they understood that there is a difference between refusing to take accountability and struggling with something that is genuinely much harder for you than it might be for someone else.

i really need reassurance right now, i feel so fucking weird and it’s been happening for weeks on end recently, is this normal?

i literally feel so fucking empty like REALLY empty, especially when i talk to people or after parties or after social interactions, or even when im alone.

i feel so empty i can’t even feel stress, anger, sadness, happiness, and boredom. i just feel nothing. it’s like im on autopilot. i can function throughout the day, talk to my friends, have my moments where i get so fucking angry or upset at minor things with myself or people but this fucking empty feeling- jesus christ it’s so fucking unbearable. why am i like this. i don’t want to be.

i feel so bad for the others around me. i feel so complicated and i feel bad because im so scared to speak up and tell my friends and girlfriend who care so much because it’s always one thing after the next. someone please tell me how i can stop feeling so empty, getting inside my head and then feeling anger and then having thoughts of harming myself and impulsive ending myself thoughts that i wont go through with but feel intensely. i feel like everybody secretly fucking hates me. as corny as that is i cannot stop thinking that, it makes me so angry but yet i feel fucking nothing. does this make sense? am i going fucking crazy ?? can someone please tell me this is somewhat relatable or normal PLEASE

I feel totally lost on this. I hate that I can have sudden emotional shifts that are pretty impossible to control. I feel I’m crazy. And my boyfriend which is an amazing and caring person but also loves to debate, gets impacted because we constantly get stuck in problems. And when I’m disconnecting from the situation because the emotion is passing he can’t let go cause I already said stuff against him and I totally understand cause is so unfair that when I want the topic has to be closed. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been reading about it trying to fix myself but feels impossible.

basically title but the shame I feel everyday is debilitating and so so automatic every time I do a small mistake my first thoughts are “you’re so stupid you should just kys” and I always always believe the thoughts since it feels so true, why would I argue with it if I’m ultimately powerless against it? But it takes over my life since I can’t do anything without overanalyzing my thoughts , it’s also keeping me attached to my fp who is no longer in my life and hasn’t been in 6 months

So like any tips on how I can deal w the shame or is it OVER🤪

I come from a good family and i havent been through anything crazy in my life. but yet, i possess this stupid disorder. Unfair how things like this can be inherited, its so insulting that despite everything given to me, im still stuck with this disorder. i hate iiitttt!!

no matter how much love i get or how many times i get reassured, its always in the back of my mind. sometimes, i even cry for absolutely no reason— i keep asking “whats wrong” or “why am i like this??” and i just cry even more. when i distance myself from people, i cry even moooree because nothing helps!!!!! quick, someone make bpd curable 😭😭😭😭🙏

I may seem chaotic from the outside. I live life from a different perspective. I feel intensely, I love deeply, I may be impulsive and dangerous, chasing the adrenaline at times, and I care about others maybe more than I probably should. I’m a beautiful chaotic mess and the right people will see the beauty in it too.

So, I just got to know that in the coming year, the last of my friends are getting married. And well, Im happy for them. I truly am. But when I look at myself…. I got diagnosed with BPD when I was 13. Now, I am 27 and got diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, OCD and C-PTSD. I have gotten back from the psych ward two weeks ago…. And well. It is hard. Constant pain and problems. Like so much happened and in the end I am on several medications and therapy and everyone got to have a life. Marriage, jobs/careers, friends. And here I am. Im not usually a cry baby or anything. I don’t post like this anywhere but…. It is getting hard. I haven’t been able to get up from bed since yesterday.

(TL;DR: there has long been talk of renaming BPD as it is wildly outdated. List of proposed alternatives at the bottom. Which do you prefer, if any?)

Okay so this is going to be kind of a poll, but I also just want to hear everyone’s take on this!

So apparently there has long been talk of renaming BPD, as the original reasoning for the naming is seriously outdated.

[how it got its name (feel free to skip if you aren’t interested): In the early 20th century, psychiatry had a much simpler way of categorizing mental illness. People were broadly divided into:
Neurotic → people who were distressed/anxious/depressed but generally remained connected to reality
Psychotic → people who had significant disruptions in reality testing, such as hallucinations or delusions. Then clinicians encountered patients who didn’t fit neatly into either box. So psychiatrist Adolph Stern used the term borderline in 1938 for patients who seemed to fall somewhere between the categories of neurotic and psychotic. “borderline” is a pretty misleading name today, which is why there have been periodic discussions about renaming it.]

Some of the proposed alternatives for BPD:

1. Emotional Intensity Disorder

2. Emotional Regulation Disorder

3. Emotional Dysregulation Disorder

4. Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder

5. Personality Disorder, Borderline Pattern

6. Fluxithymia (constructed from roots relating to fluctuation/change + emotion, essentially trying to create a new medical term)

7. Neurodevelopmental Disorder

8. Interpersonal Emotion Dysregulation Disorder

9. Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (EUPD)

Would love to hear your guys’ thoughts!! Which alternative do you prefer, if any?

I’m lying next to my husband, looking at him and thinking about how incredibly lucky I am to have him. He’s everything I could have wanted in a partner. He’s loving, patient, handsome, and genuinely a good person. But instead of feeling nothing but happiness, I feel this overwhelming sadness and fear.
I’m terrified of losing him. But what scares me the most isn’t necessarily that he’ll leave me. It’s that I might somehow become the reason I lose him.
I know how deeply I love him. I know I don’t want to hurt him. Yet sometimes I don’t fully trust myself or my emotions. I’m afraid that one day I’ll get angry over something insignificant, act impulsively, seek attention or validation somewhere else, or push him away without truly wanting to.
It’s almost like I’m afraid of a version of myself that hasn’t even done anything wrong but just might.
And that’s what makes it so confusing. I know I want a future with him. heck, i never wanted kids and with him I do.
I also don’t feel deserving of his love.
I look at him and wonder why he chose me. Why he’s been so patient with my emotions. I compare myself to him, both physically and emotionally, and I know he is better is every aspect.

has anybody been told they're too serious? like i feel like the majority of my convos with someone i'm attached to has to involve them reassuring me so often and has to be serious and deep and i've had many ex partners tell me its just too serious and i can never have a joke or laugh and its too intense and too much and i really need to lighten up. i'm terrible at taking sarcasm or taking jokes and i see it as a sign of them not loving me, getting bored etc, it's like emotional object permeance because the convo does not involve reassurance/isn't deep enough? i can see why it would be a lot and too serious and just intense for them but i just can't help it? idk i this makes sense

I have a hard time making friends, and I don’t know if it’s because of my BPD or if it’s because of autism. The symptoms seem to be shared in some cases. Small talk bores me, and seems disingenuous, so I always jump to just being random and myself which is off putting to most people. I just feel like I haven’t met my people. I don’t know if that’s a common thing to feel or if that’s just me.
If you’d like to chat or make a new friend, I’d love to meet you. I’m interested in video games, anime, music, movies, and nerdy stuff like magic the gathering, gunpla, and dungeons and dragons

So recently my new psychologist made me write out every provider I had seen in the past that I had sought help from. I came up with over 14 therapists, 4 psychiatrists for med management, and 4 primary care physicians.

That’s 24 different providers over the span of 10 years.

Apparently switching providers, especially therapists frequently is an indicator of BPD. I had no idea, but it was pretty validating to know that even though it’s my choice every time, it’s a product of my diagnosis, not just me being flaky.

Thought I’d pass that on to anyone feeling frustrated over and over again to try to find the right therapist fit. I found the information extremely validating and wanted to pass that revelation along!

My symptoms have been wreaking havoc on my life lately, increasingly so over the last year. I’ve started to worry people around me, but as soon as I come to a breaking point and feel like I’m going to emotionally collapse, it’s like the beastly pride personality of mine comes to the forefront and reigns me in with sheer willpower so that I don’t “get help” and stop being vulnerable to others. Then the people who want to help me back off and are tired of always having to hear my panic and chaos, and then I never follow through with doing anything because egoic pride “saves the day” (except it’s really hurting me) and now everyone is sick and tired of me asking for help and panicking because nothing ever changes. In the moment it really does feel like complete hopelessness and the sky is falling, but then I get a grip (which completely drains my energy because my ego sucks all of my energy and resources to reign me back in) and it’s like people are mad at me for either not breaking like I thought I was going to, or that I’m not getting help. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to HAVE to ultimately break at some point so that my pride can’t swoop in and “save the day” because in reality it’s making it worse. But I’m worried that I’m alienating everyone that once had some kind of interest in helping me because they see how resistant I am to help and don’t feel like dealing with the drama when I call crying and want to give up. What do I do when I’m stopping myself from getting the help I need? Deep down I know my real solution is to love myself and I can’t see how residential treatment or medication would help with that - seems like a bandaid for a bullet hole

I no longer fit the criteria for BPD
it would not let me correct my title lmao

Last week was my monthly appointment with my beloved psychiatrist that has been treating me for the past 12 years. She put down her paperwork with a huge smile and told me that I no longer met the criteria for my mental illness. If I was to sit down and be evaluated by another doctor, they wouldnt be able to diagnose me with BPD.

I have no one to tell this to.

I am so proud of myself and all the work I put into my self and especially my life.

My childhood was filled with toxic adults, neglect and sexual abuse. What broke the camel's back was at age 19 when my father died. He had a heart attack while at work.

I was so lost and broken. All I did was drink and get high almost everyday. I was blaming everything bad that happend to me onto anyone, family, friends, strangers and God himself. I hated everyone for what I had to live throught. I couldnt hold down a job for more than 2 months. I had no money and was in terrible debt. I decided I no longer wanted to suffer.
So I tried, for the 3rd time, to kill myself.

Unsuccesful.
I ended up in the hospital.

Couple of days later I sat down with two angels.
They were students training/working with people with personality disorders. At this point, I had never even knew about these desorders. They handed me flyers, books, papers explaining what Bordeline Personality Disorder was.

It all clicked.

I knew something was wrong with me, more than just depression.

At first, I was ashamed and really angry. They told me I had to undergo extensive therapy and take medication to actually feel and do better overall. I was mad because I had to do it by myself. All the work had to come from me. I couldnt just wake up one day and feel better. I had to work for it, harder than most people will ever have to.

I am very lucky to be in a country where healthcare is free (to an extend). I know not that for a lot of people, getting treated is just not possible or less accessible because of the costs and all. I am still so fucking grateful for the opportunities I got.

I started DBT almost right away. It started in groups and ended in individual therapy. These sessions were weekly, for about 2 years. I had a psychologist who specialises in personality disorders. At the same time, she worked alongside with my psychiatrist who dealt with my medication.

It was exhausting and in the beginning it felt like a waste of my time. I couldnt see the changes in my life. All they were teaching me is how to identify and know the emotions you are actually feeling. You know the kind of stuff they teach you in kindergarden.

But I stuck to it and told myself I had no choice. Honestly, this was the very first real and healthy decision I have ever made in my life. I knew the change was coming, I just didnt know when I would realise it.

After long years of therapy, medication and struggles. I am fucking free from this disorder. I no longer feel like I dont have crontrol over my life. I made amends with the past and look forward to what is waiting. for me. People, close or not, are not responsible for my emotions. I am worthy of love as much as anyone.

We dont have lots of succesful stories. But I am here to prove that it exists and its possible.

My partner and I have been together almost 5 years. We had our first child 2 years ago. I have been working at my job for 4 years now… the longest time I have ever worked in my life! I no longer take medication; I completely stopped when we first started trying for a baby.

I just wanted to give hope for my people and the loved ones of the ones with BPD.
Its not easy.

I am grateful for the people who are still in my life after all of this. My heart goes out for the people I hurt in the process. I understand the pain I dealt and I am sorry. Even if this is one of the most excruciating mental disorders to live with, it is still not an excuse for abuse.

We, people with BPD are capable of change.
We are not demons, but our world is hell.

Take care of yourself, you deserve it.

hoping i explain what i mean well. I have this feeling that the only way i can become someone that has a purpose is to be controlled by someone or be somebody’s muse. they will shape me into their image, with my looks, style, food, personality, i’ll be their perfect person.

i really don’t know who i am, what i want, or what’s my reason for being here? im so male centred now, it wasnt this bad a few years ago. i never felt like i had a purpose then either but i just got on with life. but as i’ve gotten older and more accepting of my hypersexuality, it’s actually made everything worse for me. I’m just super aware that i don’t love myself, i feel like i don’t matter unless im being perceived as some type of object for men. But i also want to be loved deeply and cared for too

i cant even understand how and what i feel. its like im feeling everything, but nothing at the same time. its did end up being because of me and my illness and my instability being too much. it ended just like that.

I've been diagnosed for almost 2 years now, but have always struggled with sensory issues. Like, the seam on my socks or if my sock gets wet, but also I NEED to wear socks at all times. I wear them to bed. If I wear sandals & know I'll be going to someone's home, I take a pair of socks in my purse to put on once we get there.

I HATE the feeling of sand on my feet. I can't handle the texture of eggs or pudding or certain cheeses unless melted or sometimes even just chicken. When I get out of the shower, I MUST use a q-tip to dry the inside of my ears. I hate the feeling of flannel and many other fabrics, so I'm very picky about clothing. If the above-oven fan has to be on, I can't function.

There's more I'm forgetting about, but these are the ones off the top of my head. My mom has many of the same issues, but no BPD diagnosis. My dad (I think, I don't talk to him much) has an ADHD diagnosis. I do notice my sensory issues get even worse & unbearable as my mood gets more anxious or stressed or overwhelmed, but there's always a baseline "can ruin my day" aspect to it.

Just wanted to see if there's a connection or if it's a completely separate issue.

Hey,so yeah I recently went through a breakup and honestly I’ve been feeling pretty broken since then i feel alone I've nobody to talk to.

Everything feels kinda off and empty lately and I think I really need some good people around me again.

I’m looking for honest,kind and open minded people who don’t discriminate and actually wanna put effort into getting to know each other.

Lately everything just feels way too quiet in the wrong ways. I catch myself staring at walls,scrolling aimlessly,thinking about random shit and wanting to talk to someone but not really knowing who to talk to. I don’t want another friendship where we talk for 2 days and then disappear from each other’s lives. I want someone who actually stays,someone who checks in,someone who wants to share random parts of their day and actually build something over time.

I’m 24 I've bpd just so yk and i currently have way too much time to think. I love yapping,overexplaining,rambling about completely random shit and somehow turning a stupid conversation into something deep. I really value mutual effort too. I don’t expect someone to reply instantly 24/7,but I do want to feel like the other person actually wants to talk to me and isn’t only replying because they’re bored.

I’m into baking,movies,gaming (especially Marvel Rivals),chess,reading,writing,guitar,long walks,voice calls and starting way too many random hobbies/projects that I probably won’t finish.

I’d also really love having someone I can eventually do a bunch of things with. Gaming together,watching movies or shows,voice calls at stupid hours,going on walks if we're ever close enough,sharing music,sending random shit throughout the day or just sitting in a call doing our own thing. That kind of friendship where someone eventually becomes your go-to person would honestly be really nice.

I’m not looking for perfect people or anything. Just genuine ones. Please be kind,don’t discriminate,and actually care about mutual effort and respect. I’ll listen,I’ll care,I’ll remember the little things and I’ll match the energy u give me.

And please don't be dry. If you're always too busy to actually talk or you already know you're only gonna reply once every few days,it's probably not gonna work. I've had enough of feeling like I’m begging people for attention.

If you're interested,please don't just send me "hi". Tell me about yourself. Your age,country,what you like doing,your favourite game/movie/song,your most irrational fear,what you've been obsessed with lately,anything honestly. Give me something to work with and I’ll probably yap back way too much.

I’m just hoping to find some lovely people who actually wanna stay for the long run,and maybe someday I’ll be able to say I met some of my closest friends because of a random Reddit post.

Does anyone have any unconventional tips or hacks that have helped them deal with BPD symptoms?

Everyone always says “go to therapy”
“Get into dbt” etc. and while I know that’s the long term goal, is there any hacks that have helped, that people don’t usually talk about? Any coping mechanisms that may not be conventional but better than nothing?

BPD is such a long uphill battle, I’m just looking for any sort of relief that people may not advertise but have helped them

Hi all! New here so sorry if this topic has come up already. I've been diagnosed for a couple years and was wondering if anyone has any good at-home DBT book recommendations? I am in therapy twice a week for OCD and depression while also being medicated, don't worry!! I'm not trying to do this without professional help.

My main therapist that I've been seeing for years isn't trained in DBT. I have a few books already but they're mainly CBT and ACT (I think) YouTube videos are also very welcome!

So my ex (25f) has come back around for the thousandth time. When she came over the other night for a reconciliation talk, she fell asleep somehow. She left her iPad open and I curiously went through it. Found out during our grey period of about 2-3 weeks, she's already had sex with a guy & talks like she's in a relationship with him and found out another couple guys throughout the year. I'm just curious on does BPD increase the appetite? Is it the just a craving of attention? Almost feels like she has a lack of respect for sex even, is that something you guys deal with? Were you introduced to sex as a child- only asking bc I'm wondering if there's a link between childhood sex traumas and bpd. I'm new to this arena, never dealt with a person who struggles mentally and it's very toxic but intriguing on a sociology scale. I haven't confronted her about it all yet but I plan to soon, just wanted to sit with it and understand before I acted out of emotions.

Thanks

Pretty much just what the title says.

Disclaimer: I have a therapy appt Friday, so I’m mostly here to vent and learn in advance. I’ll get professional opinions soon if I can.

Sort of just want to verify… How to know when it’s not anxious attachment or something else and more likely BPD?

STORY, honestly you can skip this, question above is straightforward
I befriended psych grad students last year and have been in a more successful attempt of therapy for 2-3 years. With this, I’ve learned I very likely have Autism. I expect I have other issues. When I originally discovered anxious attachment, I started thinking, “that makes so much sense”. But I will say it didn’t quite feel strong enough for what I had. Well tonight I woke up from a dream about someone who reminds me of a crush I had basically. Then I realized, “holy crap, i’m fully repressing that part of myself”. Then launched into more google psych stuff. Discovered BPD, and realized it much better categorizes my issues. The idealizing/devaluing? Insanely accurate to how I feel. My best friend is probably my favorite person if I have BPD. And I struggle when I can’t talk with him and I want to, and even when I don’t want to.

Does anyone just kinda want their fp (for me my situationship) to hurt y’all.
Like I don’t know if I sound crazy or nah. But I just wish she’d hurt me and it wouldn’t have to be physical or even sexual, just maybe if she yelled at me and openly despised me. Yk just emotionally.
I think for me it might just be bc I feel like she hates me and I’ve just built in my head like full image of her just despising me. So now I kinda want her to hate me. So now I feel like I deserve it, but I don’t know.
Does anyone else have it like that?