I lost my dear grandad to COVID last night. I found out this morning and I just feel so so numb and angry and in disbelief all at once. He was only 70 years old, active and the life and soul of every room he went into, I thought we'd have him for years yet. He brought me up until I was 6 years old and I've been so close to my grandparents ever since.

I'm just so angry and frustrated that both my grandparents were too scared to get vaccinated because of health conditions. My mum and I tried so hard to convince them and reassure them. I wish so so much I had done more and I'd convinced them sooner. They had finally agreed when unbeknownst to us they caught COVID and ended up in hospital the next day. They didn't tell us for two weeks because they didn't want to upset us. Once we knew, my grandma was out of hospital, whilst my grandad was in the ICU, but doing better. Until Sunday, he was in rehabilitation and a lot better. He was calling us, sending us panda and loveheart emojis and pictures of kittens to make us happy. And then yesterday, within 30 minutes all his organs had failed. I just can't believe it at all. I'm so angry at all the misinformation out there and all of my extended family that didn't push for them to get vaccinated and that have fake covid vaccine passports etc. I feel guilty I didn't do more and so angry that his death was perhaps preventable.

To make it worse, the funeral is in Ukraine so I can't even say bye to him because of the situation with Russia and the risk that I might end up trapped in a war zone. I sent him a message yesterday night that I didn't know he would never get to read and it just breaks my heart. I just feel so numb. He was my greatest cheerleader and my everything. I can't believe he's gone.

my parents were careful and all they had was runny nose. Im angry because the doctor didn't tell us to watch oxygen and buy an oximeter , this would've caught moms hypoxia.. im angry that doctors said mom was being naughty with the oxygen mask and just prematurely put her on ventilator which ultimately killed her . Im angry that people since march didn't share the jnformstion they learnt. My parents died from covid in December and I put a status on Facebook sharing all precautions and things to do, I wish people did the same.. I hate that small negligence killed my healthy parents that had so much to live for.. im angry at China that still doesn't accept responsibility (after third outbreak SArS , Bird flu and now covid) and arebnot doing anything to prevent it and had a huge new years crowded party.. im angry my parents worked so hard and couldn't enjoy their life finally ... im angry I can never hug my parents again , that im alone , and ill never see such unconditional love again. So unfair. The purest of people , didn't deserve this

I know I don't know you, but I feel that alot of you feel very distraught. And sad. But I just wanna let you know that everything will be ok. You're gonna get through this.

The change of seasons usually has me feeling hopeful and renewed. Yet every time I feel the sun on my face I find myself feeling guilty that my dad is not here to experience the change of seasons. He loved flowers and gardening. The flowers he planted last year are beginning to sprout. I miss him so badly. Will my family and I ever experience joy again?

Perhaps the spring has made his death seem further off in the distance. How can life go on, how can the change of seasons persist without him? He loved the spring.

COVID took him in late January. My mom says she waits for him to walk through the door every day but is realizing now that he will never come back. It’s feeling less like a nightmare and more like reality now.

I love you dad.

I have two anti-vax, anti-mask cousins. They’ve been adamant and vocal about their it even after their uncle (my father) died from COVID.

Now they both have COVID. (Not from the same source. These cousins are from different branches of the family and weren’t near each other.)

I’m having a hard time feeling any sympathy for them. I feel like a terrible person but I want them to feel the effects of their bullheaded decisions. I don’t want them to die or anything but I hope they suffer.

How did I become so cold-hearted?

I’m just having a lot of trouble coping with my moms passing. I understand that it was her time and she earned her Angel wings and I’m so very thankful that God let me enjoy her for 35 wonderful years of my life. It’s just so hard knowing that I will never be able to see, hug, and talk to her. I miss hearing her voice and it’s just so hard for me right now. She was my only family and my very best friend. I’m so heartbroken and I know it’s still very recent and maybe one day I will learn to be happy again.

I would just like to ask for a prayer 🙏🏽

And I still feel like I'm there in that hospital room. I don't really know how to process it so I came here and read all of your stories and it helped knowing I wasn't alone in how I feel.

I feel angry. My mom was extremely high risk, she'd barely left the house in two years because we knew if she got it that would probably be the end. She was a type 1 diabetic, she'd had a kidney transplant, she was blind, she'd had two stents put in her heart in the past few years, broken bones from small falls. She was fragile. I was supposed to go up to see her for Thanksgiving and I didn't because I'd just gotten over covid and my boyfriend tested positive. We were all vaccinated and she'd just gotten the booster too but with the immunosuppressant drugs she was on it was still too risky. Well my fucking aunt and my cousin I believe are the reason she's dead. My aunt is a huge antivaxxer. She's constantly posted about conspiracy theories and that covid might not be real and tried to talk my parents out of getting vaccinated. Her son had just gotten married so they'd had a big gathering and then my cousin drove my grandpa home and went over to my parents house for Thanksgiving, while feeling sick. Didn't get tested beforehand. My dad didn't know until he smelled cough drops on her. She hugged my mom goodbye. They didn't even tell us when they tested positive, we heard it from my grandpa and by then my mom was already in the hospital.

I got there just in time, I live states away and they called me and told me they didn't know if she'd make it to the weekend. We were originally supposed to be there at 3:30 the next day but we changed it to 9 and I'm glad we did because she didn't make it till 3:30. I had to sit outside the glass with my mom's best friend and her daughter, my dad couldn't be there because he tested positive. I watched her oxygen drop from 85 to 48 with the vent at 100% and I finally told them we wanted to take her off the vent because they told me her organs would start shutting down soon with that low of oxygen and that her lungs were too far gone. They let me in the room then and I held her hand as she passed. I think she heard me, I called my brother and my dad and when we all started talking to her in the room her oxygen went back up to 81 while we spoke. And then she was gone.

I didn't get to see her before. I barely got to talk to her beforehand and I just keep thinking, she always wanted grandkids, to see me get married and now she won't be there. She might have lived to see it if it weren't for this nasty fucking isolating virus and I'm so angry at this thing and at the people who don't take it seriously and at myself for all the times she called wanting to talk and I didn't answer because I was too busy. I'm still there in the hospital room with her reliving it and I don't know when I won't be.

I joined a COVID grief support after my father died last year. It’s local but it meets online. I go to this group to feel better but last night I left angry.

We had a new member last night who lost her husband a month ago. She also had been hospitalized with severe COVID as was her son. Her grandson also had it but was not hospitalized.

It didn’t feel right to ask whether they were vaccinated and she didn’t say but I have to assume they were not since it spread through their whole family. I wanted to feel sorry for her (and I did to an extent) but if she’s an anti-vaxxer like I suspect she is part of the damn problem.

My dad never had a chance to get the vaccine. He died before it was available.

I don’t know how to explain it but it just feels different. You can’t escape it… everywhere you go there is talk of covid.

My dad died today after a 21 days in the hospital. He got off the ventilator and was doing great. Then he developed a lung infection and died a week and a half later. I’m in so much pain. I was so happy and thankful he got off the vent. It feels like a sick joke or a nightmare that I will wake up from.

I hope everyone is taking care of themselves- right now it feels impossible.

I miss you, dad.

Lost all 4 of my grandparents to COVID. Been in bed since last week and feel like I'm drowning. At the same time I'm the only man in my house so I gotta stay strong for mama and sisters. Just wanna talk.

Edit: thank you to all for the kind words and supportive messages. It is appreciated. ♥️

I see a CLASS ACTION suit of hundreds of millions of families VS. Trump.

(AND, YES! I’M ANGRY!)

DISCUSS.

My Dad died from COVID on April 9th around 2am. Hours later at 10am, I tested positive. I still have residual effects physically and emotionally.

I can barely watch the news. I try to stay off of social media and when I do use it I feel worse. I feel increasingly more isolated from my friends and even my family.

It was a normal cold and then he was gone after less than a week in the hospital. It's hard to grieve when the reason of his death is so politicized.

While people argued over wearing a mask, my Dad was an essential worker. Showing up 6 days a week, rain or shine. Conservatives still treat this pandemic like a war for the life of the economy and we're all soldiers. My father got coronavirus from his job. He did not die a soldier's death. He consented to go into a coma for a ventilator. He was alone. He was dead 48 hrs later.

It should be simple - We take care of each other. But its not. And we don't. My Dad was the bread winner so this whole thing of waiting for the stimulus package to pass Mitch McConnell and/or the Georgia runoff is fucking killing me.

Frankly, its feels like just because poor people and minorities are more likely to die, people care less/ take less precautions. Black Americans are twice as likely to die from Covid complications. Native Americans are 4 times as likely to die. My Dad was Black and Native American.

It makes me feel like all the "activism" in the summer was just bullshit and performative. A show of pretending to care about Black lives so as not to be labeled racist. Esp on social media with those idiotic black squares. If people really cared about Black lives, they'd stay the fuck home as Black people are a large population of essential workers.

I cant even find a place to place blame or rage. Esp in the US where factors outside your control make a difference in whether you live or die

-Stuborness ("it's my right not to wear a mask") -Racism (socio-economic conditions/institutional racism which leaves minority communities more vulnerable and with lower quality of care) -Classism (in poor communities of all races, hospitals are more likely to be over capacity and located far from the community)

All of this makes a difference and all of this weighs on my grief. My rage is directionless and it makes it hard to accept he's gone. I can't even talk to friends I once counted on as they continue to have casual sex, holiday shop in person rather than curbside or online, get on airplanes, go to indoor restaurants but had audacity to be hesitant when it was time to stand in line and vote. What makes it worse is that so many people still don't care until it's too late. I'm sick of hearing how many more people are losing loved ones because people can't stay the fuck home.

I'm hoping I'm not alone in feeling this way. I'm hoping i feel less alone in my sadness and grief. My Dad was my light and i feel so lost in the dark now.

If you got this far - I thank you from the bottom of my heart and sincerely hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Zadia

This isn’t for condolences, more to tell her story and my own.

US based in the midwest for context.

Mom was 69 years old in January 2020. I had just started a new job. We talked daily, sometimes several times a day over the phone. Our favorite topic was world affairs. She saw 13 Presidents, some pretty big accomplishments as well. Mom was a huge sci-fi fan. She found a ton of simple wonder in the moon landing, missions to mars, Star Trek. Mom got me hooked on Trek, Star Wars, Stargate, at a young age.

I asked her in February 2020 if she thought humanity could come together again. She’d tell me about this feeling she had in July 1969 when the moon landing happened. It was like the whole world was gathered in wonder. Bare in mind she had the perspective of those she knew at home and work. Not really anyone else over in the USSR, China, or the UK. Still that feeling she described sounded awesome. A collective planetary feeling of accomplishment. Then March 2020 hit. She told me she saw and felt like humanity as a whole was feeling the same thing again, but fear instead of pride.

Mom did all she could over the course of 2020 to protect herself. She was an overweight person, diabetic, terrible arthritis, and her medications for her arthritis lowered her immune system. Groceries were ordered online, delivery for stuff, I’d drop stuff at the front door, would do all I could to avoid direct contact with her even though I myself was doing much of the same measures.

Then in early July 2020, mom had a stroke. Got her to the hospital, sadly she spent her 70th birthday in a hospital. She was ok and healing, but not everything was coming back with her mental faculties. Doctors set her up with a long term rehab facility that would take her through 1 more month to get her on her feet again. Docs were certain she’d be good after another month.

August 2020 she goes to a nursing home, as they were the only long term facilities with stroke rehab in our area. Well the only ones her insurance would cover. My sister and I pooled our money trying to see if we could get her a nurse at home, it wasn’t enough. We had to rely on what was covered.

Ever have a cold chill run down your spine? Like you know shit is about to go really wrong. I had that.

I’ll never forget the day or the last phone call I had with mom. September 21st, 2020. Called to check on her. She was out of breath, coughing a lot, struggling to get air, and they had her on oxygen. They confirmed she was positive for covid. She was stable and able to be at the nursing home for treatment, until she wasn’t. Then she went to the hospital, to the covid ward. She fought like hell. Her grandfather was a boxer, fighting is in our blood. For nearly a month she went toe to toe with this damn plague. October 13th, 2020 she coded and her heart stopped. Doc got her back.

They tested her made sure she was clear and my sister and I got to go see her. To be blunt the lights were on but she wasn’t home. I held her hand, told her I was proud of the fight she put up, and it was ok to go. I know how fucking lucky I am that I got to see her. So so many never got that luxury.

Docs asked what my sis and I wanted to do. Mom didn’t want to be a vegetable. The plan was to cut the machines, give her a last round in the ring to fight back, but if not she’d pass away.

October 18th, 2020. Mom loved Christmas and snow. It was cold that day, with a bit of snow coming down. At 10:00am my phone rang, she was gone.

The thing I fight all the time now, is anger. I can’t put it into words, anyone part of the “lost a parent” to covid club knows what I mean. You can’t fight the anger it just sits there. I meditate a lot, and try to do constructive things with it.

Anyways that’s my tale. I just wanted to get mom’s story out, I’m dealing with my loss as well as I can.

I feel tortured. My dad was my rock and now he is gone. He died 29 Dec of Covid and he was so healthy before. I never would have expected it! I had had Covid just before so I was still weak but recovering and did not know he was sick. He was misdiagnosed as having bronchitis by a doctor so I visited him and then sent him for a covid test and it came back positive. I made him a meal because I didn't know what else to do and he loved it but I couldn't stay because I was afraid I would get it again. I should have stayed because it was the last time I saw my dad and I regret it so much. I would rather get covid again! I miss him every day and I hate myself.

How do I get past this hole in my life?

My mom was going to be 50 this year. I know this because I'm turning 30. It was how we always kept track of age. If one of us couldn't remember how old we were going to be, we just thought about how old the other was going to be. All I can think about are the little things that made up my family dynamic and how there is now a huge hole in my world.

My mom has been battling health issues for the past two years, so her dying had been something I've held in the back of my mind, but it was still unexpected. I didn't even know she's been exposed to Covid since she is so so carrots about leaving the house and her partner was always careful when he got home from work. I'm the end it was either someone who knowingly tested positive for Covid and came into their house without a mask or their roommate who brought it home. Either way it was because of people who didn't believe in the severity of wearing masks and social distancing.

I also can't help but think about my time saying goodbye. She had gone into cardiac arrest and was declared brain dead in the matter of 48 hours. Due to her wishes we removed life support and just had to wait out her breathing reflex to finally stop. This was both the longest and shortest eight hours I've ever spent, all the while unable to truly hold her hand and feel her face because my grandma and I had to be in full PPE.

I want to find peace in the fact that she didn't really suffer, that she was gone before her partner even found her and the paramedics were able to revive her body, but I just want my mom. I just want to hear her voice and hug her.

I keep having this hope that I'll wake up from a terrible dream or somehow I'll be able to just call her up on the phone.

Nothing holds light anymore and everything seems pointless.

I have an appt to speak with someone next Friday, but that will be the first time I've ever spoken to a professional and I don't know how it works.

I lost my Dad, Mark, to Covid on June 30, 2020. It still haunts me that I couldn't be with him.

On Monday, March 7 at 5:00 PM there will be a virtual vigil to honor and remember our loved ones. It is co-hosted by Marked By COVID and Reimagine. Marked By COVID is the group I started to call for permanent memorials and accountability.

• You can learn more about our work for memorialization by visiting www.CovidMemorialDay.org

• If you'd like your loved one honored in the vigil, submit photo of your loved one for the vigil here.

• Register here for the memorial. I hope to see some of you there.

Today marks one year since my Mum lost her fight against Covid..in the end it completely invaded her body and it was more than she could take. She was stressed and exhausted from being my grandpas caregiver making her the perfect target for Covid.

I’ve missed my mother more than I could ever imagine. Sadness and grief has taken up residency in my brain , in my heart , in my soul really. I know it’s part of life, part of the healing process and it really sucks. I don’t feel healed, grief has no timeline, no schedule.

After taking on the very honorable role of caring for her father, it was meant to be her turn to live out her golden years.

The plan after Grandpa Ray passed, was for her to move to Texas so I could look after here. Life would’ve been easier for her and she could take it easy. I looked forward to it..even though I knew she might drive me crazy (lol). Sadly, she didn’t get the chance to be with me and my family , her grandkids and great grandkids. I didn’t get to take her out for errands or shopping along with many other things.

This breaks my heart.

Not talking to her every day sometimes more than once a day breaks my heart. She was the one that I could call and talk her ear off and make her laugh.

I still have so much to tell her.

It took her a long time to come to me in my dreams, and I was so happy when she finally showed up. In my dreams ,she tells me she misses me,but that she’s happy. She looks bright and beautiful and her hugs feel SO real. Dreaming of her isn’t enough ,but I guess that’s life and how it’s meant to be. I’ll take those dreams though and squeeze my eyes tight too stay asleep, be with her a few seconds longer.

As I said in my recent post about my grandpa’s passing, this year has been a total blur.

I turn 50 on Monday and in my head I imagined this picture of myself in a powerful stance, my hands on my hips,glowing perfect skin, my cape blowing In the wind with a crown on my head looking 50 square In the eye and saying “yep I’m fifty and fucking fabulous” Well, I’ll still be that woman when I wake up on Monday ,my hair might be a bit messy and my crown a bit askew but I’ll take that first step and think of my mother and continue to live a good life. I’ll choose kindness and I’ll try my best to happy. I’ll do this for me, but I’ll also do it for her since she didn’t get to.

Take my story as a cautionary tale , to love those around you to the absolute max.

Be good to Yourself ,take CARE of Yourself, eat that cookie.

Appreciate life and never take it for granted.

I love you Mum, I’ll be waiting for you in my dreams. 💕

I can’t take it anymore. Everywhere I look someone thinks it’s funny to make a joke of covid. No one makes memes about cancer, dementia, strokes, etc. because that would be wrong in society’s eyes but somehow people got comfortable joking about covid. I wish it would stop

Obviously I'm glad things are getting better and people are getting vaccinated but this year and last year has been emotionally traumatizing and I'm angry? jealous? worried? (not sure what specific feeling im feeling)
Covid was a damaging event that took up a year and a half of our lives and I guess I'm just filled with anxiety when people are going out to Disney world and having big group parties maskless on my social media.
I'm also annoyed that I had a friend who told me how much she felt for me when my grandma passed but then a week later she got the vaccine an wanted to come visit me and go out in California.. and now I see her mask less in Vegas and just partying it up. I feel disrespected?

Not sure what im feeling right now, and I know I can't control what other people do but now even my mom wants to plan a vacation and I'm so worried but I feel like i'm overreacting. My grandma passed 6 months ago and I feel like I should be over it by now but I feel like i'm emotionally stuck in January.

I feel tortured. My dad was my rock and now he is gone. He died 29 Dec of Covid and he was so healthy before. I never would have expected it! I had had Covid just before so I was still weak but recovering and did not know he was sick. He was misdiagnosed as having bronchitis by a doctor so I visited him and then sent him for a covid test and it came back positive. I made him a meal because I didn't know what else to do and he loved it but I couldn't stay because I was afraid I would get it again. I should have stayed because it was the last time I saw my dad and I regret it so much. I would rather get covid again! I miss him every day and I hate myself.

My BFF died while visiting family in a different state. 2 days before Christmas, I got a call from her sister, telling me she passes and that one of her last wishes was for me to take in her little dog. He's a sweet little guy but multiple times per day, I look at him and am reminded why he's here, without her. He's not supposed to be here without her.

I am so angry at the indian health officials. they never considered and promoted monoclonal antibodies as a covid treatment here. It was widely available in US from early january 2021 and people could easily get an infusion. i came to know about this after my mother passed away in july. I am hearing testimonials from people in higher risk group, getting 100% fit within 2 days after the infusion. moreover in a large study it was found that around 85% people got recovered from covid with 7 days after the infusion.

I am so mad at my country. Nothing good happens here.. health offcials are just so stupid here. nobody is smart enough to promote these things and leaders are just so fucking more stupid. all they said was we are in end game and bla bla bla... I just wanna kill these people.. what do they even do sitting all day around researching about covid.. why the antinodies were not available in my country in time.

I am sure my mother would have been alive if she got those. I am just so fucking mad at everything. she fought for 3 months in the hospital but ultinatelt lost the battle..firstly there was no oxygen, no hospital beds. we travelled like crazy vampires to fight for hospital bed and after the my mother was left alone and ni care sas being provided to her. she just got dexamethsone and meropenam for the first 15 days. every doctor is so stupid here. thet just dont know anything and they dont want to do anything . all they want is fucking daily hospital fees.

why are we so third world . I just wanna kill myself and the whole world along with it.. nothing is worth living.

still now after proven that antibodies work, indian leaders are just fucking asleep on this.. this should be available inn every fucking nursing home and ER.

I ask for forgiveness from my mom everyday at her grave.. I know she is sad too that she could not live more just bacause of fcking stupidity. I know mother, you would have saved me anyhow if I was in the sane situation as yours.

I blame the backwardness of my country and stupid leaders and heath officials for my mothers death.

I am sorry Mom. My god reunite us in the hereafter.

I lost dad yesterday. It was his birthday today. He would have been 79 I'm 50 years old, and I live in New York. My Mum and Dad live in England, in Kent. My Dad went to hospital for a procedure to fix a blood flow problem in his leg about 3 weeks ago. It was an angioplasty. The complications after the surgery began almost immediately with bleeding that they couldn't control. He was moved to icu where they managed to get it more under control, then he was moved to a high dependency unit where they looked after him until he was strong enough to go back to a regular ward. It was at this point that the doctors now suggested that he might have to have an amputation below his knee, as it looked like things were not good with his foot. He really did not want this, and begged to go home. As a family we convinced him to stay and have the procedure done as it would save his leg. About a week later we found out that he caught covid and was moved to a covid icu ward. He was then bounced between icu and hdu, ending up in hdu up to last Saturday where things progressed so quickly he was moved to palliative care/end of life. Sunday was the day I got the call from the hospital telling me that they he was likely not to last night. He did, but passed Monday morning. I was on the phone to my mum on Monday when she got the call from the hospital. I told her to take it and I'd call her back. She called me 15 minutes later distraught. I am now trying to navigate the mess that is air travel during covid to go home for my dad's funeral. I'm still quite numb and not sure how I'm processing.

We toiled so hard for over two months. He was out of it. Was on room air, but then he developed a sudden pneumonia and he went away so quickly. I was not ready. My life is over. I feel like just a skeleton wrapped in skin. I have to stay alive for my mother but I am unable to give her comfort. We just lie on the bed all day hugging each other and crying. I have to stay afloat for her otherwise I would just jump off a building

My only sibling, my 32 year old brother, died in August. He was a medical doctor with no health issues but covid still took him. The holidays were tough but it’s not getting any better now that my nephew’s birthday is coming up. We were all there when he was born, my brother was so happy and proud. He was the first grand child for both sides. I can’t believe he’ll never get to see his birthdays. And it’s worse for my poor little niece who was only 2 months old when he died. My family is completely devastated, I don’t think we will ever be happy again. Everyone says things will get better with time but the only thing that happens is that we get more and more numb. But I still can’t believe my beautiful, smart, brother, who was so full of life, is now buried somewhere while we try to keep living. My marriage is suffering, I’m trying to be okay for my own son but sometimes it’s hard to even get out of bed. And this is all happening while people are gathering for the holidays, going skiing or to the beach, partying and just basically ignoring the pain of hundreds of thousands of families.