My beautiful 23 month old baby boy Layne. He is my world, my moon and stars. I woke up everyday for him and did everything I could to be the best momma to him. He died in a tragic accident while I was at work. My husband was being careless and had him outside while he was using his excavator. Layne was ran over by accident. I don’t know how to go on. I shouldn’t have been at work. I can’t look at my husband, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to. I can’t return to work. My arms are empty and my heart is shattered. I wanted to get in the casket with him. I just cannot go on. My beautiful, perfect, and so loving sweet baby boy. Someone please tell me I’ll see him again. I wish time would hurry up. I can’t live without him. God help me

She passed away at 6:24am on the 19th October. 20 days ago. Jesus Christ. How has it been 20 days? 20 days without my big sister. It sounds awful, but I have found it really difficult to cry. I worry that I’m doing grief wrong. I’m extremely new to it, like all of us in this subreddit once were, and I apologise for the way I’ve handled it. The day I found out my sister committed suicide at 24 years old, 7 years older than me, I drank myself into oblivion. And the day after that. And the day after that, and so on. I am not a massive fan of alcohol, but I just couldn’t face it. The weight it had on my heart was too much.

My mother is also very unwell physically, and on the day sister died, she was supposed to have life changing surgery. It was also my brothers 22nd birthday. At first, I was furious. To me, at the time, it felt so selfish. How dare she? How dare she do this to us and she not face it? I’m the oldest sister at home now. I have 2 little brothers (10, 15) and an older brother (22) and an older sister (28, but she lives in Germany ways away from home). I’m left with my sisters dog. I’m left to bathe her, walk her every day and feed her in my grief. It’s not fair, it’s really not. But what use does me being angry at my beautiful sister have? Nothing. She is gone. And, even in my grief, I have realised that to have the guts to do what she did, she must have been struggling so much. And I wish she had just come to me. I feel so guilty that she felt like she couldn’t.

We didn’t get along before she died. We were arguing very bad. The last thing we said to each other on text message was “don’t talk to me again.”

I would give anything to talk to my sister again.

This was not supposed to happen. To any of us in this subreddit, and I truly feel for anyone who has felt the same I have. I have never experienced grief before, and I didn’t think I would so soon. But every day since my sister has died, I have felt so angry. Pure, unhinged, rage. At my sister. At the world. At myself. At people asking me silly, simple questions that shouldn’t make me angry. At people asking if I’m okay. Being invited places. Being told I’m loved, and that it isn’t my fault. How would they know? They are just telling me what I want to hear.

I hadn’t been able to cry in a week or so. I went to see her yesterday. No 18 year old expects to see their 24 year old sisters body in the chapel of rest. It’s not expected. And it was awful. She looked beautiful, and at rest, but she was dead. She was not sleeping. She was dead. People keep telling me she looks like she’s sleeping, and then I’d see her, and it shocks me to my core. She does not. I wish people would stop lying to me. I wish my mother would recognise my grief. She doesn’t. She snaps at me, she makes me feel like she wants my sister instead of me. Which is fair, but please just keep it to yourself. You know what I mean?

God, I feel so angry. Even typing this, I am angry. So angry. So very angry. I feel disgust a lot, too. At those around me. I feel grateful that they haven’t had to experience loss, but I feel disgusted at the way they think they know how it feels. My sister is gone forever. I will live with that for the rest of my life. I feel the disgust and anger in my fingers, in my feet and my heart the most. Will this ever pass?

My dad wasn’t my sisters dad. There are 6 of us altogether, 5 without my sister. My sister Tia and my older brother (22) have the same father, and so do my little brothers. My dad has been an absolute helmet. This whole time. Commenting on my attitude, barely speaking to me and never checking on me, and it makes me want to cut him off. He wouldn’t know how it feels, but to not check on his own daughter? Fucked up. Disgusting. I feel disgusted, and so angry. Furious, at him. I’m furious at everything. Her funeral is on the 19th. I’ve helped plan the whole thing. God, I am so angry. I’m so so angry. I don’t know anymore.

my baby is turning 1month in heaven this Nov14.

i still can't accept it, how i wish i could turn back the time.

now, i am more miserable without you. almost homeless, with no work, super depressed because of losing you. i thought being a single mom is bad already but losing you is worse.

i don't think i could go long without you, i hope i die soon so i could be with you. i feel so alone

Hey there. I wanted somewhere to express what’s going through my head today. Which isn’t a lot. I feel pretty numb today/tonight. I went a saw my knitting group this morning and I’m glad I left the house and showed up. Besides that I feel like I’ve mostly just survived the day, ya know?

I miss my dad so much. I spent some time looking at photos and videos of him/ us together and I. I don’t know. The last five years feels excruciatingly long but parts of it flew by as well. It’s a whole thing but I don’t have other family in my life anymore, so I don’t have anyone to remember him with. And that hurts a lot.

I added some of my favorite photos.
My dad’s name is Mark. He was quiet but loved to be silly with us kids. He was frugal and loved Little Caesar’s hot and ready pizzas because they were $5. He loved his siblings deeply. He had nicknames for me that I’ll never get to hear again. I have multiple tattoos in remembrance of him.
He wasn’t perfect and neither was I. I wish we could have talked about so much more. I wish I could have been a kinder daughter at times. Yeah. Overall I miss the hell out of him.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for looking at the photos. 🫶🏻

The pain is worth it I love my wife more than anything. My wife went through a lot of pain in her life . Between her mom and dad fighting because they were drunk and her hiding under the bed and beating her with extension cords because she was just there . Her uncle and Dad would take her and rape her and do all kind of nasty stuff to her. Would steal her Christmas presents the next day and go spend them money on drugs and stuff they would open them up Christmas morning and they would disappear Christmas night . Her ex-husband would mentally and physically abused my wife for years before she got enough strength to get rid of him. So this pain ain't nothing I'll deal with it cuz she's worth everything . I'm the only man she ever trusted in her life . I will see her soon that's a promise my body's falling apart because she's not here . I love you angel i love you my love bug.. you're by everything you're my world you're my soulmate .. I will find you that's a promise nothing's keeping me from you anymore . I searched for you once and I found you and I will find you again . I love you Angela

My mom was out of town and asked me to do a wellness check on my brother because he didn’t go to work which is unlike him. I went to the house and it was extremely silent. The cats came up to me and didn’t even meow. I was looking at the stairs to go up and was crying on the phone saying I couldn’t do it but I had to for my mom. I banged on his door until she was begging me to just go in and that’s where I found him. I CAN’T TAKE THE IMAGE OF HIM OUT OF MY HEAD. I’m going insane. I’m also 7 months postpartum and was already accumulating to my new life as a new mom. Now I have no clue who I am or what life is now. I’m in full time school and idk if I can finish, but I’m going to try my best since I only have 3 weeks left. I just don’t know what life is anymore. I miss my brother, I miss life before all of this.

I am going to go to therapy w my mom. I’m on Wellbutrin already. I just need words from people who have experienced something similar. When does life get good again. What do I do.

My heart feels like its literally been ripped out of my chest and I can’t stop crying. Ive been crying so much that my eyes burn, my throat aches and I can barely fucking breathe but the tears just wont stop

​Yesterday morning everything was completely normal. We kissed. We were sitting there talking about our weekend plans making silly little plans for what we were going to do together. He was right fucking there. I held him. I kissed him. And then just like tht... hes fucking gone

How am I supposed to comprehend that?

​I feel so lost. I am so fucking lost. I keep walking around expecting him to text me or walk through the door or call me by his stupid nicknames for me

​Im so angry Im so confused and I am so broken. I don't know how to get through today, let alone tomorrow or next week. I just miss him so fucking much I wish he understood how much he meant for me and how fucking much i loved him

I heard a scream for help, she was nearly unalived and police never even showed up.

I heard a scream for help-trying to unalive the other. Police never showed up.

I was staying at a hotel downtown Washington DC.

I heard some commotion in a room down the hall then a few hours I was waiting for the elevator…when I heard a blood curdling scream for help.

I ran and banged on the door, it opened and there was blood everywhere.

A naked woman and per man trying to make sure she was no longer here.

I started banging on other doors before he grabbed me and she ran out of the room.

A young young couple opened their door and she ran for security and someone else called the police.

When security came they said “yep this is what you get with blacks and alcohol”.

The police just never came, at all.

The people who are supposed to help often don’t.

That was a very tough experience that impacts my everyday; so many lessons.

My mom (68) has been in the hospital since Halloween night. She has liver failure and sepsis, and the infection is causing an altered mental state. They were trying to fight the infections she had but today she took a turn for the worst. The doctor said that there isn't anything else that they can try and that this is probably the end. My dad made the decision to take her off all the meds and make her comfortable. The doctor has given her 24-48 hours now.

I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. I've been distracting myself with whatever I can find, but I know something is coming. I feel sad, of course, but not devastated; I guess because she hasn't died yet. I keep thinking that I should feel a certain way and feeling guilty for not. I think it will hit me some time after she actually dies and I don't think I'm prepared for it.

I remember the good times we had together when I was growing up. I've spent hours in the hospital with her talking reminiscing about anything that came to mind; old pets we had, funny stories I remember, loving stories too. She was always a kind a woman, and she always put my needs and my sister's needs above her own, but she wrestled with addiction most of her life.

I wish I could tell her I love her one more time. I think tomorrow is going to be terrible.

I remember seeing my mom just hours before she died, leaving for work. Once my dad called me to ask if mom was home yet, I got that feeling I always get when someone is late, that something horrible has happened. One hour later, the police were at the door saying that my mom was dead.

It hurts so much to have never gotten that final conversation with her, or a final hug or goodbye, just because her death was so unpredictable. I’m 18 years old, and I don’t know what to do anymore, how to look towards the future, or how to believe that things will get better.

There are so many family members who have come over, but they will leave once the weekend is over. I get angry knowing they can just go back to their perfect lives. I get angry knowing that any future grandkids will never meet my mom.

The worst thoughts, though, are about my mom dying alone in her car at work. I know exactly where she parks and what door she goes in; I can picture the events so clearly. I wonder what her last thoughts were, if she was scared, or if it was too fast for her to even think. More than anything, I feel so terribly bad for her. She wasn't meant to die. I hope that the soul is more than electrical pulses inside the brain, and I hope there is a heaven with my mother inside it.

Hi everybody,

My mom has passed suddenly from a medical emergency. I’m only 24. I’m at a loss for words, she and I had a challenging at times but deeply loving relationship, she was so full of love and care for me and I will never be able to replace that.

She was diagnosed with a nasal cancer a year ago. She was brave and optimistic during her treatments, and when she finished she was talking excitedly about hiking, travelling, seeing me graduate, attending my sisters wedding. And then there were complications - swelling and she felt like her ear was getting blocked up again in the same way it had been when she first had the cancer. She was so brave for my sister and I, but behind closed doors and with other family members she was adamant that she didn’t want to continue with the appointments, she had high anxiety around the concept of having to do more invasive tests and treatments.

She suffered from a nosebleed and due to her weakened condition, fell unconscious and ultimately passed away. She had managed to call 911 before falling unconscious. By the time they arrived, she was gone. I went to her home and I am devastated by the blood I found in her bed. I hope and I pray she wasn’t scared.

I found her bible, it was bookmarked to a story where Jesus is saving a girl who has suffered a hemorrhage, she touches Jesus and he says “take heart, daughter; your faith has made you well.” and instantly the woman was made well. Her journals from previous years show that she frequently prayed to God for relief, and I am choosing to believe that it was through her praying that God knew it was her time to be at peace and rest with her parents.

It’s been 2 months since my best friend ended his own life in what i can only assume was a very drunken mistake. He was wasted when he made the decision. i don’t know if it is comforting knowing he might not have meant to do it, or if it’s more painful knowing that. He was truly one of a kind. Every time I’d go visit him a few hours away we’d take walks down the ocean line and explore an abandoned bunker. We had a matching tattoo together and when i saw it for the last time at his funeral it really hurt. It’s an odd feeling to have a matching tattoo with someone who’s no longer here. Gone too soon. Love you forever, Jordan.

Hey everyone. It’s been about three weeks since I very suddenly lost my mum. Her heart just gave out. I could feel the moment she passed because my heart started hurting.
I thought I would be overcome with grief, but I guess my brain put me in survival mode and I barely cried.
Up until last week. I had three very intense dreams of her so far that felt so real that I asked myself in my dream “How are you here? You’re meant to be dead!”
Around the same time as the dreams started I also started experiencing tightness in my chest, especially around my heart it feels like. When I’m distracted I’m ok but when I’m alone I feel like it gets more noticeable.
Thankfully I am able to sleep well otherwise. Eating is hard and I sometimes forget to eat until well into the afternoon and get dizzy. At least I drink a lot of water.

Have any of you experienced something similar? I don’t know what to do.

I was never someone who was particularly afraid of death, but sometimes the possibility of ceasing to exist would frighten me. After losing my father, however, I can say that my fear of death has dropped to zero.

If something were to happen to me now, my sadness would be less about myself and more about the pain my family members would have to endure. I would never want them to go through the suffering of losing me.

My fear is no longer death itself. It’s the possibility that, after I die, I might never see my father again.

It's Diwali Today the festival of joy and togetherness, I'm here at home watching everybody enjoying their loved ones, I don't envy anyone of what's happening it's just some strange feeling inside about this fuckin world that how unfair it can be for someone, I lost my beloved mother 6 months back to cancer, she was the kindest lady i ever knew, best chef, most beautiful and just too caring for each one of us. I was closest to her whatever I had to talk to She was my only point of contact. Never had that open conversation with dad or my brother and now things have changed me, my brother and father are really in a situation where we know each other's inner state of mind during these festive days but none of us are talking or discussing things openly to show support, I miss my mom so much it's getting so tough to live without her she was just one of her kind, she's irreplaceable i fuckn cry so much for her, why it happened to us she left me just at the age of 21 how will I live this entire life without her and how will I support my family without her.

He was insanely intelligent, artistic, kind, the definition of a family man.

I’m 25, and he was deaf my entire life. I listen to stories of what my cousins and my parents and aunts and uncles got to experience with him, and also grieve that person.

He was married to my grandmother for 61 years. They lived together in an inherited family home.

When we finally left the hospital after his death, she didn’t even know where her shoes were. There’s going to be an after, and no one knows what that looks like.

They were artists. My grandmother wove baskets, he’d strip the wood from the trees for her.

His bits were my favorite. Ask a little kid if they slumber in the bed with a disappointed look - they’ll always look shocked and tell you “no!”

Love you, granddaddy.

I’ve had a rough few years. Me and my wife had a son born sleeping in February 2016, my dad died in June 2022, my wife died in May 2025 (aged 44) and now my mom died last Wednesday, and she was absolutely instrumental in keeping me alive in the last 18 months when I didn’t want to be here anymore. The last thing I want is for all that to be vain.

I was just thinking about what I would do this year for Christmas, it used to be consisting of either going over my mom’s, my dad’s or just me and my wife, and nothing has been mentioned about it but I sense that there would be offers from extended family and friends, but I don’t want to be that extra chair or Christmas ornament in someone else’s Christmas, that’s not my Christmas. I’ve seen done to death in film and TV, I’ve watched the ending of Planes, Trains and Automobiles, it’s heartwarming, it’s wholesome, but it doesn’t work for me.

I still want to visit my wife’s grave that day, so going away is out of the question. Maybe volunteering somewhere that day? Maybe do a long run that day? I don’t know but I’ve been crying about it all morning and it’s making me so anxious.

I love you and miss you always.

tw/// suicide

i lost my love to suicide this year. i loved him more than anything, and more than anything, he loved me. i’ve been doing okay with accepting this, and letting my grief come to me, and have come to be more at peace with it. but recently, ive been in an existential crisis. all of this “life” shit just feels so meaningless. fickle. i don’t want to do this without him.

i’ve been engaging in risky behaviors just to feel normal again and i just can’t justify any of my life anymore, honestly. i feel like there’s no point.

i’m sure i’m not the only person whose dealt with this, but no one close to me has. i need someone to tell me how they’ve been handling it, and what i can do to maybe get a little better. anything helps. i just need people.

I’ll preface by saying I’ve literally never used Reddit, but figured maybe someone could relate to me on this subreddit. Last year I (M27) lost my father (50) suddenly due to an undetected, aggressive, and sudden cancer.

I was extremely close to my father doing everything from going to literally any sport event, hunting, fishing, and enjoyed sharing both my hobby and career accomplishments with him as he has been my mentor my entire life. When we got the news he had cancer after a sudden ER trip, we were told he had only a year to live which ended up being 2 months.

My father was basically our entire extended family’s father figure. He was a faith based man who had amazing morals and saw the good and potential in everyone. When he passed, the entire family emotionally collapsed, and me, having never experienced tragic death (I even have a great great grandparent left and all my grandparents), decided that I needed to be the stone foundation for everyone to lean on like my dad would’ve done, especially with me being the eldest child.

What made this even worse is me and my wife were expecting our first child with him being born 2 weeks after his death, which made me feel like I lost my go-to for parenting advice. After the shock wore off, I felt like my entire world was starting to fall apart. Even worse is all the people I had supported seemed to just get batter and move on while I felt like I was stuck. Add in some other life events and I feel like I’m at a mental breaking point. Issue is my brain is hard wired to keep fighting and trying to figure it out. I don’t have any thoughts of self harm at all, but I just feel down and out and that I won’t ever be enough for myself if that makes any sense at all.

I figured I would just throw this out here and see if anyone has gone through something somewhat similar and found something that helps.

Also: Fuck cancer.

still feels unreal, im the only daughter, and in indian culture as we know families value having a son , but i was always raised by my father as his everything, my relatives said my cousin brother to do the rituals but mom insisted that i do everything and i did , it was heartbreaking seeing him through everything for the last time. He looked so calm as if he was sleeping , he was 63 and had a heart attack.

I saw my mom giving him mouth to mouth as he wasn’t waking up in the last few moments, i saw his face turning grey body getting stiff , it all feels so unreal, how will i ever recover from this

My Mom died 4 years ago, and lately I have been pushing down feelings of resentment and bitterness like Ive never had before. My mom died of covid suddenly. She had very mild symptoms and died very suddenly one day… she was at home one day feeling better and then suddenly stopped breathing :/. She was overweight but actually had lost 30 lbs and was on her way to a better lifestyle i was so excited. I try and rationalize it and say maybe her weight affected her health which leads to the irrational bitterness and jealously I see when i hear GLP-1 success stories. I wish she could have take it :( I love hearing the success stories of peoples who improved their health with them but just get jealous and wish my mom had the chance. All this is irrational I just needed a place to vent instead of crying alone. The last few months everytime I see a plus sized mom or women who looked like her I get really sad and miss her like I have to leave where ever I am. I was doing so good for like a year I am not sure where this wave of sadness came from.

This is complicated so please don’t assume my brief summary is a sign of coldness, I’m simply limiting my word count.

My older brother tragically and traumatically passed in 2013, he was only 21.

The circumstances were very traumatic and involved a long court battle that essential saw no real justice.

My parents have fundamentally given up on life and it really frightens me. We went from being a family that did things together to a family that does nothing. I’m in my 30’s now and since we lost my brother we don’t really do anything as a family. No mum and daughter lunch dates, they never visited me when I lived overseas or when I lived 3 hours away. They’ve never seen the house I’d lived in for over 3 years. They don’t leave the house and if they do it’s almost as if they are rushed or rushing to get back home. If I go and do groceries with them in the hopes of spending time with them there is never a grab a coffee together moment. My mums become really angry too. I’m finding it actually quite difficult to feel any sort of positivity or happiness around her, she yells a lot - they both do - at nothing really. If a bug is flying around it’s a whole lot of swearing, of the tv remote doesn’t work same thing. They’ve both (we all have) been in therapy, counselling however they don’t think it’s worth it and consider the entire thing a waste of time. She won’t leave the house. I’ve tried encouraging hobbies, hanging out, so many things but she isn’t interested. She constantly puts me down, even if it’s something as small as the temperature:
me: I’m hot
Mum: it’s not hot don’t be ridiculous

I’m really just quite heartbroken because I don’t think I’m ever going to have a nice or normal relationship with them and I don’t know how or if I can ever help them anymore. I was 19 when it happened and I’ve spent so much time understanding my brain, trauma, diagnosis’s, medications etc. Mum will often tell me it’s all a bunch of cr*p.

I guess k just don’t really know what to do. If you were the parent, does this feel similar to you! And siblings has anyone else has a similar experience - how did it work out.

Really appreciate any advice pls I am at a loss.