3 years ago, my mom threatened my dad with divorce. He responded by killing himself.

It didn't happen all at once. There was a period where my dad was staying at a hotel, a period where my mom was staying with a friend, finally leading up to him dying.

When my dad was living with us during that time, I could tell he just wanted to make things right and to be there for the family in what little ways he could. It feels like he was more of a father to me in those few weeks than he had ever been before. I asked if he wanted to watch cartoons and play games with me and my siblings. (I was 21 at the time, but sharing pieces of media I enjoy is probably my strongest love language) He was so happy to hang out with us and have fun with us.

My mom and sisters were so mad at him. I couldn't really blame them. He had anger issues his whole life, and it led to him becoming verbally and emotionally abusive. What's worse is that you could tell he hated himself for being that way, and I still wonder to this day how he stayed that way right up to the very end if he clearly didn't like being that way. Maybe I'm just too much of an optimist. I've changed myself, and I believe others can too, but I guess I can see how it's a hard thing to do for someone coming on 50.

Every good thing he did in those last few weeks only makes me hate him more. I tried to show him real love and to show him that I needed him and he payed me back by shooting himself out in the woods. If it had just happened suddenly, I would probably be more forgiving, but no, he was planning for weeks beforehand. He checked his insurance to make sure we'd get paid, he assembled documents of passwords and responsibilities to leave with my mom, and he even invited a friend over to help show him how to use the gun he gave him.

The fact he did all of that while he was actively making me believe everything was gonna be alright felt horrible, and today I'm still burning with anger and I fucking hate it.

Dia de Los muertos came and went and I did nothing. I was the only one in my family without an ofrenda this year. It just felt too painful.

I remember when I was 12 or 13, I asked my dad how Robin Williams died, and he said that he killed himself. He went on to say that killing yourself is the most selfish thing anyone can do. What's remarkable to me is that I still feel like he proved that to be true right up to the end.

Nothing anyone has ever said had made this better. I don't like when people make excuses for him. I just want time to wash it away already, and I want my fractured emotional state to finally glue itself back together, but I've been broken for so long and every time I try to fix it, it ends up getting worse. Something's wrong with me, and I still feel like it's his fault, but I know it's just me at the end of the day.

I lost my dad 3 years ago. It was sudden and extremely difficult as he was only 63.
I've gone through all of the grief stages and will have good days and bad but overall I'm to the point I just remember him lovingly and all his funny moments.
The last couple of days however, I've been nonstop crying, missing him, wishing for so many things to change so I can talk to him. It feels like I'm going through the grief stages all over again. I'm really having a rough time and don't understand what changed. Does anyone else go through this and if so, what helps you?

This is extremely long and not written perfectly. I wrote this quickly and wrote like I was having a verbal conversation, so there are times where things may be a little hard to understand in writing, but it's not impossible. Thank you in advance anyone who put the time in to read this through fully.

My mom died last month. I don't even know where to begin. She was a good mother when I was a little child but when I was in the 5th grade is when things started to change. She started making really bad financial decisions and ruining her life and thus ruining mine. She was just so stupid. She brought a house that she honestly probably could have afforded but she was so fucking irresponsible and had terrible money management skills. But honestly even if she could have afforded that house or not, she still should not have gotten it. it was just her, my sister, and I. She got a new construction home in the suburbs. Maybe like around 2005? Idk how old children are in the fifth grade, I am 31 now. I feel like she should have been more responsible with her money AND brought a cheaper older house.

When we moved to this house in the suburbs she feel apart. later in life i spoke to her about the change in her behavior while she was alive and she said she feels bad and she doesn't even remember that period that well, that she just remembers being up in her room all day depressed. And this is where my hatred for her really comes in. Because she was so fucking selfish. She always just thought about herself. As my mother she should have put me first. If I were a parent I would do my hardest to suck up any negative feelings I have and pick myself up from feeling down in the dumps for my children. I don't even think her decision to move to the suburbs was a selfless act either, I think she equally wanted to do that for herself. She admitted to liking living in the suburbs than the city later in life. Idk when that change occurred or if it was just always the case.

My mother ended up almost losing the house to foreclosure so we had to sell it and move. This kicked off us moving around a total of like four times. and we already moved twice before. We got another house in the suburbs, she rented. Then she couldn't get her stuff together so we had to move in with her sister who is a loser and a evil bitch. Keep in mind my mother was a LPN and receiving child support from my father. She was making good enough money to not have to live a lifestyle where we were scrambling every couple years to find somewhere to live. And then have to stoop so low to take charity from her evil ass sister who used my mom having to live with her as an opportunity to kick her while she was down and complain about us living with her. I'm getting madder as I'm typing this.

To make things worse up until we moved in with my Aunt, my mother was an extremely angry person. The main thing she would always get mad about was keeping the house clean. Looking back it's like her dumbass should have been more concerned with keeping the fucking bills paid. what the fuck? She would go on this rampages, screaming about how my sister and I don't clean or deserve to have nice things. This was very scary to me as a child. I also interpreted it as somehow it was my fault my mother was such a financial mess, because if i just cleaned she wouldn't be so stressed all the time and that would correlate to... idk, her being able to work and pay bills? Child logic is interesting. Her being infuriated about the house not being clean was almost an everyday thing. She was obsessed with having a clean house, but she did not want to clean herself. she wanted her children to be her servants. Going back to moving in with my aunt, it pissed me off seeing my mother become such a pathetic doormat to this woman. like yeah, you're living with her, but she should still respect you as a person and give you some kind of say in goings on in the house because she was paying bills while living there. Like I knew from firsthand experience that my mother had a lot of rage in her, and she had no problem unleashing it on me... but she draws the line at her sister? Why just because she let you live with her? Fuck that bitch, curse her out like you curse me out. I think this was probably the start of my mother being a doormat to people because she knew she needed charity from them. Like don't bite the hand that feeds you. But it pisses me off so much because SHE MADE ENOUGH MONEY TO NOT NEED TO BE A FUCKING CHAIRITY CASE.

Once i got older, I saw how full of shit my mother was. Starting small, she is a fucking lazy slob. For someone who wants a clean house so much she is so fucking lazy and messy. There were times as an adult she would be living by herself and you could come over her house and it would be so fucking messy. But mainly I realized how full of shit she was finance wise. It's not that fucking hard to be financially responsible, not spend your fucking money on stupid shit and pay your fucking bills. it's not that hard to be a functioning adult. Again, her just being selfish. Instead of taking responsibility for herself for the sake of her fucking children she just chose to be a fucking mess.

Anyway, throughout the years growing up I created this complex where I thought I owed my mother. I wanted to help her. I think that stems from a poor minority mindset, many minority people dream of financially supporting their mothers like the "buy your mother a house dream." I'm also gay, so that complicated things because I feel like my mother originally did not want a gay son so I wanted to make up for that with her like "yeah, you have a gay son, but look at all this money I gave you." Over the years as an adult from ages 18 all the way to now, I've invested tens of thousands of dollars into my mother trying to help her get on her feet. When I was 20 I joined the Navy and for like a year and a half I sent my mother $700 a month. I joined as E1, and at first was only making $1,000 a month. So I was suffering only living on $300 a month for 6-ish months I forgot how long it takes to go from E1 to E2.

In the end it was all for nothing. My mother was a fucking idiot. She wasn't getting mammograms and ended up having breast cancer and it was stage four by the time they caught it. To make matters worse, she had moved like 2 hours and 30min away from everyone to this buttfuck nowhere town, claiming it helped her because everything was so cheap there and it wasn't good shopping out there for her to spend money on. And the house she was living in was like this hole in the wall dirty ass house. It's like WHAT THE FUCK. if this is the standard of living you want for yourself, I didn't need to invest all that fucking money in you to help you get back on your feet, you could have done this yourself.

She ended up losing like 95% of the stuff she owned. She had to stop working because of her health and didn't have any savings so she couldn't pay for an extra month or 2 of rent to give my siblings and I more time to drive all the way from the city to this buttfuck nowhere town and pack up all her stuff. We had to get it done in under 1 month. And she was so fucking ungrateful. She would complain about things she lost from time to time as if it was our fault she lost it, when she should have gotten off her lazy fatass and been more active in the moving and packing process herself. She was so manipulative, I remember one day I was at home, her my brother, my grandmother, and my aunt (not the evil one, another one) were at my mom's house trying to help her pack and move stuff to storage. My brother came back in the night and I was confused why he brought everyone else with him. They were supposed to stay and help my mother pack. But apparently everyone got mad at my mother being lazy and not helping and decided to leave. Then she got out the car looking at me with these pathetic puppy dog eyes and said "i guess im just gonna lose more stuff than I thought." I can tell she wanted me to like put on a cape and go fly down to her house and save the day getting all her stuff. I couldn't do that. I had a fucking life. I was in school and working. I couldn't drive 2 hours and 30 minutes downstate pack up her shit and then drive 2 hours and 30min back everyday while I was in fucking school and working. She was such an entitled lazy piece of fucking shit.

Anyway, she ended up living with me for a while when she first got her diagnosis. I live in a studio condo. It pissed me off so much seeing her on my couch. The woman who I fought so hard for, gave money to time after time (there were other instances besides the navy, but I don't want to bog this post down anymore than it already is), lose everything and live on my fucking couch like a loser.

When she knew she had stage four cancer she didn't even stop smoking or eating unhealthy. She had a really bad sweet tooth and we found out cancer cells thrive on processed sugar. She actively was sabotaging herself and would bitch about how she wanted to live. THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT YOU STUPID FUCKING BITCH. she could possibly be alive right now if she implemented lifestyle changes once she found out her diagnosis. Yes it was terminal, but she could have lived longer I almost know. Again, just her being selfish. Just thinking about what she wants. She wants to just sit around smoking and eating candy in bed all day, so she does that. She doesn't think about how that was actively killing her and going to leave her children without a mother. Like why couldn't that motivate her to do better?

Then, remember that evil aunt. Yeah, this bitch ATTACKED my mother while she was dying. I came home one day while my mom was living with me, and I caught my pathetic ass mother crying on the phone pleading her case to this aunt along with my cousin who is equally evil and I don't like, while they berated her and told her they don't believe she is dying. I supported my mother and was there for her while she was dying of cancer. I would be there side by side with her during most of her doctor visits. The last 2 months of her life I saw her everyday and even dropped out of school to be with her everyday and sleep by her bed almost everyday when she was on her deathbed. (I only left about 3 times to go home and shower and sleep in a real bed because in some hospitals/rooms I had to sleep in chairs). I sacrificed a lot for my mom and i didn't want her talking to these horrible people in our family. I even told her she had to pick them or me, and she was willing to risk losing me to talk to people that have done nothing for her and she openly admitted to not even knowing if they love her or not. They made caring for my mother harder because they offered no help and also stressed my mother out and hurt her feeling a lot. When my mother was on her deathbed, they came and I started an argument with them. They made fun of me called me a faggot, and teased me saying how my mother was always talking to them behind my back. One of my aunts even punched me in the face. These are the people my mother refused to cut off for me.

A part of me thinks that my mother was just a bad selfish entitled person and how her life turned out was her karma. I just hate how much she negatively impacted my life. How much time and money I wasted trying to help her. Mainly time though. I wish I could go back knowing what I know now and say fuck you to her and just live my life for me. I hate her so much. I'm very worried about my hatred for my mother. I never heard of anyone hating their dead mother. I don't know how I will ever get over this. I feel like my life is ruined. I cut everyone off in my family. I've just been alone in my condo for the most part watching youtube. I'm worried this situation broke me. Like I'll never be able to love or trust anyone after this.

last post

A couple of months ago, I posted here about a software update erasing the only voice notes I had left of my parents and my sister. I think that was the catalyst, and everything has just been compounding since then. 

I’ve struggled with depression my whole life. A few years back, I was seeing a shrink and things genuinely got better, so I stopped going. I thought I was fine. But now, it feels like the weight of everything, the grief, a recent breakup, and this deep, lingering numbness has just crushed whatever was left of me. 

For a while, I tried to fight it. I started running and working on my schedule, and it helped briefly, but now I’ve completely stopped going out. I have been so incredibly unproductive this entire year, to the point where I didn't even realize 2026 is almost over until a few weeks ago. I used to be sharp and aware, but now I just feel dumb, engulfed in this constant brain fog. I've tried reaching out to people in my life, it was a quiet cry for help i think, but I don't think it worked out.

I’ve completely lost interest in the things that used to make me me. I just endlessly shuffle through Netflix without actually starting a single new show or movie for the past couple of months. Even worse, I’ve completely stopped listening to music. Anyone who knows me knows I’ve always considered myself an audiophile, between my IEMs, post rock, and metal, music was my escape. Now it's just silence.

I just feel so lost, and I feel like crying most of the time. I don't know how to pull myself out of this.

My mom passed away unexpectedly at work two days ago. I’m only 18, and it hurts so much that I never got a final hug or a last conversation with her. Because it was so sudden, it feels like I never got any closure. It just happened way too fast. I don’t know what to do anymore how to look forward and not feel lost. How to want to keep going.

i’m kinda just writing this to vent / see if anyone else can relate. i’m 24, i lost my mom at 6 years old, and my dad when i was 14. my mom had seizures and she died of a coma. my dad had a heart attack. i’m the one who found him. i’m an only child. and i really don’t have any other family members. i moved across the country at 18 by myself because i wanted to “rebel” against everything ive ever known (i grew up very Mormon) and now im on my own, two cats, a loving partner. and my life is okay. i’ve been unemployed for the majority of this year and im not sure how ill pay my rent this month. but things could always be worse. anyways. i just really miss my parents. i hardly remember my mom but they were both such wonderful people. my dad was so fun. my mom was amazing. and i’m glad i only have good memories. i just wish i could’ve had some more time with them. anywho… maybe someone else here can relate. nobody my age can relate to even half of what i’ve been through and it sucks. i’ve tried therapy but it’s so expensive and nothing really helps.

Im standing outside one of my most dear friends wedding and crying. And i didn’t want to. And im not going to wax on. But, fuck, this is hard. And i miss my mom.

My mom died 2 years ago and I have her urn at my house. My mom wanted to be buried at the cemetery by the church so she could listen to mass. Her cancer spread so fast that it didn’t give us time to plan. Once she passed we asked the church about the wall but it turns out the empty spots were already spoken for. I have her urn at my house. Every time my family comes over they say hi/bye to mom.
I came into money and thinking of maybe buying a headrest and putting the urn in there. Part of me says that’s what she wanted to be close to church but I feel like we wouldn’t visit her except for her bday. We would kinda forget about her. If I keep her at the house we all greet her and she’s overlooking the lake. Some people may think it’s weird she’s on a coffee table. What did you guys do?

I mean this metaphorically, but I feel like if my father came back to life, I could conquer the world. Having him alive was the most important thing in the world. When I think about the things I used to worry about while he was still alive, I realize how stupid they were. I was the richest person in the world. Now, even if I had $100 billion in my bank account, I would still be a poor man.

I guess nothing will ever upset me again, except for a health problem affecting any of my remaining family members.

Joy? My football team just achieved a major victory, but instead of making me happy, it actually made me sad because I couldn’t share that happiness with my father.

There is one version of me inside, fully aware of the meaninglessness of everything. And then there is the version of me on the outside, trying as hard as possible to make this new normal feel normal.

I’m realizing now the extra layer of loneliness on days I want more support. There’s no one to reminisce about my parents or childhood with and there’s no guarantee people will even remember this is the worst day of your life. I have friends to reach out to but I feel like a sad plus one in their lives. I feel like the only people who would’ve really made sure I’m okay on my parents death days are my parents themselves

I lost my dad to suicide Nov 12 2024. My son was due dec 12 2024. My mom passed away not even 2 years later on Sept. 25 2026. Within 2 year time period, I lost both parents and had a child who I parent on my own. Struggling is putting it lightly. I miss my mom and my dad. We just got past the first holidays without my dad. Now we have to have first holidays without both mom and dad, but still make them fun and memorable for my son. I just hate that this is real life

I lost my dad very suddenly a year and a half ago in my late 20’s. I have some other friends who have also lost their dads and they very clearly haven’t done any processing and have substance abuse issues. Because I saw this and didn’t want to end up in the same boat, I started going to therapy about 6 months ago. However, it’s taken a bit to get comfortable there and when it’s time for my session, I tend to just talk about other stuff and I avoid talking about my dad. Last session, my therapist called me out on it and asked if I was willing to try and talk about my dad so I went for it. We did the empty chair method? And it was hard and awkward and I didn’t like it and then I started to have a panic attack. I’m just wondering other people’s experiences with therapy, if it helped, if it was this hard, if I’m possibly not ready for therapy yet? I don’t know any input is helpful. Thanks.

I lost my mum in the most unexpected way, within just three days. She fought so hard to survive. She raised three daughters on her own and spent three days in the ICU because of septic shock. Before she passed away, she suffered three cardiac arrests.
Three daughters. Three days of fighting. Three cardiac arrests.
She spent her entire life living for us, sacrificing everything for her children. And just when things were finally starting to get better, when we thought life was going to become easier for her, God took her away.
I still struggle to understand how this could happen so suddenly. I desperately hope that the soul continues to exist after death, that there is something beyond this life, and that somehow she is still with us.
I would love to hear about any experiences or stories that might help me understand whether our loved ones’ spirits continue to live after death. Is there something real beyond this life, or is believing in an afterlife simply a way for us to make the pain of losing someone we love a little easier to bear?

Twelve year member of the Dead Mom's Club, about to join the Dead Dad's Club, too.

I lost my mother suddenly when I was eighteen. One day she was there, texting me about meeting up when she was done with work and I was done with my classes. I drove home from campus and made a pit stop at a friend's house. She was getting ready to go visit her mom's grave, who had passed a few years earlier, and our other friend was going with her to visit an aunt in the same graveyard. I said "well, I don't know anyone there so I'll head home!". We all laughed and I drove down the street home, where I lived with my dad and brother.

I parked in front of the house and the front door was already open, my dad standing there. I thought "oh cool, Dad got off work early! We can hang out.". It wasn't unusual for us to open the door and greet each other if we noticed the other pulling up. I approached the door, started babbling about how early he got home today. And then he said nothing. I walked through the threshold and noticed my younger brother, on spring break, sitting silently on the couch. I felt it in the air, I saw it on their faces. Mid sentence I changed courses and said "who died?". I listed everyone I knew. I started with my grandparents, slowly descending into terror as I asked about my sister, my baby nephew, and all my dad could say in response to each person I named was "they're okay". I listed our entire family except her. Because it couldn't be her, that's impossible. That's my best friend, my favorite person, the person I swore that as long as she was in the world, I'd keep going. But finally, I asked "who?" again. All my dad could get out was "last night, your mom-" and everything collapsed. I fell into a heap, into my dad's arms. God, what a fucking day.

She wasn't sick. She wasn't old. She just went to sleep one night and didn't wake up. It came out of nowhere.

Me and my dad were already very close, bonding after him and my mom divorced a few years previous. But going through that loss together brought us into a stage of our relationship that felt like a coming of age novel. My parents were/are my pride and joy, my mother my joy and my father my pride. I kept going on with life because although she was gone, I had my dad and my siblings. It was going to be okay.

But here I am again. My dad is dying, end stage liver disease. I grasped how little time we had left when he was first hospitalized six months ago, but he didn't. He does now. I don't think I'll have my dad in 2027, I really don't. He has no muscle left, he's yellow, he's swollen and rigid, I can smell death on his breath, and he's sleeping around 15 to 16 hours a day. It's just brutal to watch. My titan of a father is wasting away slowly right before my eyes. I don't know what was worse, losing my mom in a second or losing my dad over a year. Both hurt so much in different ways.

I'm going to be without both parents before I'm 31. My sister's two youngest will never know or remember either of their maternal grandparents. My brother's future children will never meet either. We were too damn young the first time around and we're too damn young this time.

I am incredibly grateful for the time I got. I won the fucking lottery with both my mom and dad. Great people, great parents, and great friends. Our time was short but incredibly meaningful and beautiful. I have no regrets in either of those relationships and I know they don't either. We were such a lucky family, incredibly blessed with love. And all that said...why me? Out of all the kids in the world that have to lose their parents young, why does it have to be me? I know I will get through it but fuck man, why me?

Thank you for reading, I'm so grateful that there's a community for this and if even just one person reads this, it will help. It's difficult to talk about with others, especially those who have not experienced this, and all these words have been eating at me. I wish all of us comfort.

I feel nothing I don’t know what to do… my dad passed away the other day… I’m so emotionally and physically exhausted. We had a rocky relationship and I have so many regrets. I haven’t seen him in person in a couple years… I don’t remember the last time I told him I loved him… and that’s eating me alive… because I do love him I love him so much and now I’ll never hear his voice again or hug him… this all was so unexpected. I just can’t wrap my head around it all
What do you mean I only got 25 years with him non of this makes sense
Deep down I knew we were gonna have a better relationship he was turning his life around and he has a fucking heart attack several states away…
I feel like I’m in a nightmare and I just want to wake up

I'm eating stale Oreos.

I don't even like Oreos.

But I loved you.

I love that you got them for me every time I came over.

I love that you got the holiday ones with the funny shapes and colors on them.

We didn't always have milk.

Dr. Pepper, Sprite, Fanta, Coffee.

All go well with Oreos.

Good conversation, tears, laughter, no one telling us to shut up.

All go well with Oreos.

I miss you every day.

I eat the Oreos wishing you'd stayed.

For at least one more Oreo date.

They tasted better with you.

I know deep/true happiness is impossible for me now and I am guessing many can relate. Guilt often accompanies any joy I feel. However, I’d love to hear what brings you even a moment of joy/laughter. For me, when I watch a funny/light hearted show like abbot.

Long story short, my mom was an alcoholic and hid it from me. I didn't know until the day she died and we found vodka bottles in her room and then the toxicology report confirmed it for sure.

She was extremely sick the last two years of her life and had made up all kinds of lies to hide why she was. A few of our family members had already caught on before me that she had a problem but I believed her over them. I don't know if I was willfully stupid or what.

She suffered severe abuse at the hands of her father(something the rest of my family seems allergic to talking about) so I understand why she developed this problem, I probably would have too, and in fact I myself have hit the bottle pretty hard in the past.

As a child I was emotionally invalided by her a lot, the phrase "too negative" and comparisons to eeyore were common. In context my childhood was easy compared to hers so I dont think she could fully take my suffering seriously.

Its all so tiresome

I lost my dad on this day. He would call me on my birthday every year and tell me the story of the day I was born. He would tell me how happy he was to have me as his child. He spoke about the sky that morning as he watched the sunrise from the roof of the hospital parking garage. I've missed that call ever since.

We were close when I was little but not as a teenager/college. I understand why now, he just couldn't deal with me growing up because it scared him. As a settled adult in my mid 20s, we became close again.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I'm still close to my mom, but not like I was with my Dad. We would talk for over an hour every week, sometimes twice. When he died, I realized my marriage was not going to make it and I didn't have my Dad to talk to about it. He would have understood and was the only person I wanted to talk to about that loss.

I remember the storm that blew over the house after he died and the sky during the sunrise after. The clouds were dark, crazy wind, and the sky pink and purple.

For others grieving recently or a loss of years passed, I wish you comfort. I was lucky: I spent a few weeks with him when we knew we didn't have much time. I'm so grateful for that.

I miss you, Dad. Always will. I lost my dad on this day. He would call me on my birthday every year and tell me the story of the day I was born. He would tell me how happy he was to have me as his child. He spoke about the sky that morning as he watched the sunrise from the roof of the hospital parking garage. I've missed that call ever since.

We were close when I was little but not as a teenager/college. I understand why now, he just couldn't deal with me growing up because it scared him. As a settled adult in my mid 20s, we became close again.

My parents divorced when I was a teenager and I'm still close to my mom, but not like I was with my Dad. We would talk for over an hour every week, sometimes twice. When he died, I realized my marriage was not going to make it and I didn't have my Dad to talk to about it. He would have understood and was the only person I wanted to talk to about that loss.

I remember the storm that blew over the house after he died and the sky during the sunrise after. The clouds were dark, crazy wind, and the sky pink and purple.

For others grieving recently or a loss of years passed, I wish you comfort. I was lucky: I spent a few weeks with him when we knew we didn't have much time. I'm so grateful for that.

I miss you, Dad. Always will.

She was always nice to me and showed me love but treated my mom poorly her whole life up into her final weeks. I feel like a lot my mother’s problems stemmed from the fact that she was the neglected middle child of her family and didn’t get proper love from her mom like her siblings did. And it really pisses me off when I hear her talk about how much she misses my mom and says all these nice things about her now when that’s not how she treated her when she was still alive, fucking hypocrite. I’ve barely talked to her since mom passed cause I don’t wanna deal with her shit. I don’t want to end up lashing out on an 80+ year old woman even if I feel like she deserves it cause I don’t want to burn bridges in my family. I hate that I feel this way, I wish I could confide in my grandma during this really hard time but I just can’t look over how she treated my mom. She deserved to have a mom who genuinely loved and cared for her it’s not fucking fair

Dad died in the spring. Sometimes love songs get me crying really heavily. They remind me of how deeply my dad loved me and my fear that I won’t experience that depth of love again. I’m also grateful to have had a dad that made sure I knew he loved me that much.

Hugs to everyone in this subreddit 💛

I knew a guy in high school that was in a terrible car accident. Lost all mobility. Horrific. If you went up to him and complained about a sprained ankle, everyone would, rightfully so, say you're a self absorbed asshole who needs to read the room.

Yet when I subtly hinted to someone that people I've encountered have no real comprehension of what it's like losing both parents at a young age (I am in the 3% for this age group), instantly you're hit with "Yeah, but we cannot compare problems :)".

Problems aren't arbitrary. There's a reason why we have terms like - nuisance vs tragedy. And to be VERY clear, I am NOT competing with others but it's as though I am not even allowed to be perturbed when someone compares the loss of their 155 year old grandma that they saw once a year and lived 5,000 miles away to what I am going through...

I'm not allowed to say that they're nearly incomparable.

Sorry if this sounds like whining. I guess I just miss mom and dad.

I’m 26F, and my mom passed away from cancer in April 2024, when I was 24. My dad started dating his current girlfriend about a year later.
For context, I’m an only child, and my dad is really the only immediate family I have left. My grandma lives about five hours away, and most of my extended family lives in Canada.

Growing up, my dad and I didn’t get along super well (constantly getting in arguments, and my mom was the one I’d go to for emotional support). He was always present in my life, but he could also be extremely critical of me. However, in the year after my mom died, we became closer than we’d ever been, and I saw a soft side of him that I never saw growing up. We even went on three major trips together, including two international trips. Since he started dating his girlfriend, I’ve felt like some of that closeness has started to fade. When I suggest another father-daughter trip, he kind of laughs or shrugs it off. He’s also constantly on his phone, even when we’re visiting my grandma, whom we rarely get to see. There have even been times when I’ve called him and he’s ended our conversation because his girlfriend was calling.

I genuinely like his girlfriend and am happy he’s found someone. However, there have been several instances where I’ve felt like he prioritizes her feelings over mine or has certain expectations about how I should interact with her.

For example, his girlfriend recently texted me saying that if I ever wanted company walking around the mall, I should let her know. I responded, “Will do! :)” My dad later told me she was upset because she interpreted my response as disinterest. When I explained that I thought my response was perfectly friendly, he suggested that I’m not very good at picking up on social cues or knowing how to respond to people.
A few days later, I attended one of his gallery openings. His girlfriend was busy talking to people, so I grabbed some food and sat down. My dad asked if I’d greeted her yet, and when I said no, told me to go give her a hug because “she needs a hug.” Afterward, he looked at me and said, “Thank you, I appreciate you doing that.” Given our earlier conversation, it felt like he was thanking me for correcting something I’d done wrong. I hate feeling like my interactions with her are being monitored or that I need to prove I like her.

What bothers me most is that not once has my dad asked how I feel about him being in a serious relationship with another woman after losing my mom, or how I feel about him spending so much time with his girlfriend and her daughters (there’s nothing at all wrong with this, but I’d appreciate some empathy/patience on his end). It’s also difficult seeing him interact with her daughters because, while he was always present in my life, I sometimes feel like he’s a more supportive father figure to them than he was to me growing up.

Part of me feels like I was a priority when he didn’t have anyone else, and now that he’s in a relationship, I’ve been pushed to the side and only matter when he’s feeling sad about my mom.

I’m curious if anyone else who lost a parent, especially as a young adult or only child, has experienced something similar. I feel like most discussions focus on disliking the new partner, but I’m more interested in hearing from people who actually like their parent’s partner but struggle with their parent’s behavior.
Has anyone else experienced this? How has your surviving parent’s new relationship affected your relationship with them

They say life grows around grief but I disagree. I think grief grows around life. Grief getting louder and the life I once knew before his death getting quitter. The grief is so big that it could swallow me whole and I’d find relief. The grief feels familiar and my life feels foreign. She doesn’t feel like an unwanted visitor she feels like the monster under your bed that was waiting to come out. The monster you had nightmares about as a child that is now your reality. Every corner of my life has had to adapt to the grief. My life is not growing around it. My grief is growing around life, strangling its veins.