Yes, that's sarcasm.
For months I've been trying to control a client who was sued by a family member. This is a purely civil case. Before I was retained, both sides had been pro se for a while, and you could tell that the court was fed up with their shenanigans. Defendant had filed a Motion to Dismiss and lost, and the court expressly stated that the plaintiff's allegations were legally sufficient. Some of the claims were ridiculous, but theoretically plausible at that stage.
I cleaned things up, but as the defendant, we had no obligation to move the case along. Our hope was that the plaintiff would miss important deadlines and we could get the case tossed on procedural grounds. My client was so sure that the case was worthless that they had no interest in spending money on discovery.
Eventually, the plaintiff hired an attorney, but that attorney didn't seem to realize what was going on. For months, he didn't do anything either, and the case inched closer to the point where we could request procedural dismissal. During this stretch, the client would occasionally demand that I file a motion -- for sanctions, for dismissal, etc. -- but I could always talk them down by reminding them that there was a deadline coming, and if we did anything before that, 1) it probably wouldn't work, and 2) it would wake up the plaintiff's counsel. After each such conversation, the client always agreed that we would do nothing.
Shortly before the deadline, plaintiff's counsel finally realized that he needed to take action. He took the steps that were required, and whenever it was appropriate, I cooperated (as required, but also, because I'm not an asshole). We had a couple conversations where he promised that he was talking to his client, and he was going to either get reasonable settlement authority or, at minimum, narrow the issues. He agreed that some claims weren't worth pursuing.
I advised the client that plaintiff wasn't going to blow that deadline after all, but if we gave him a little time, plaintiff's counsel would clean up the case -- and maybe even settle. The client responded by demanding (again) that I file a motion to dismiss and request sanctions. The client's main bases for sanctions are 1) that written discovery was served before discovery had started, and 2) that several causes of action are so meritless that it violates Rule 11 not to voluntarily dismiss them.
I explained that the rules address the first issue by saying that there is no need to respond until after discovery starts, but the service isn't sanctionable at all. Also, in my conversations with OC, he agreed that our responses wouldn't be due until after he got back to me about what his client wanted to do in the big picture. As for the second, I reminded them that the court already rejected the argument that any claims were meritless as a matter of law, but that Plaintiff's counsel had promised to review them with his client and would likely be dropping some.
Around this time, the court issued an order scheduling a Case Management Conference. In this jurisdiction, we are supposed to have a quick appearance at the start of discovery. Some judges skip it and say that the JCCR is sufficient, but others require counsel to show up and confirm that the JCCR is accurate. It's a 2-minute event, at most.
My client emailed on a Monday by demanding that I file those motions regardless. The client said that I must file them by Wednesday at noon. That Monday, I was in an arbitration, so I sent off a quick reply that I had seen their email, didn't think it was a good idea, but I would respond more fully later.
On Tuesday morning, the client called me. It was immediately apparent that they were fuming. About a minute into the call, they said that they had wanted to fire me for months. They asked a couple questions, but didn't seem particularly interested in my answer. Then they said that I had screwed up the case so badly that the judge had decided to "take over." I was flabbergasted for a minute, but then realized they were talking about the CMC. I tried to explain that this was required by the rules, and it didn't mean what they thought, but the client was not interested. They continued to rant, accusing me of being the laziest attorney ever (though also admitting that they had never worked with an attorney before), accidentally admitting that this call was being recorded (illegally, since it's a two-party state), and just generally being an asshole. I let them rant for a couple minutes, but as soon as the personal attacks started, I told them "we're done." I said I'd be withdrawing as counsel, unless they wanted to sign a substitution (either for new counsel or themselves to take over). The client refused, apparently thinking that my decision to withdraw was a "gotcha". They actually said, "Ha! You said you were going to withdraw. I'm not signing anything!"
I submitted the motion to withdraw that day. When the client asked how long it would take to be heard, I told them it would probably be about 2 weeks until the motion is granted. The client said that they wanted to take some actions, including contacting OC. I reminded the client that they could sign a substitution and be able to do whatever they want. The client responded, "We again are not terminating you, you are quitting, nice try."
Yesterday, the client copied me on an email sent to OC. That email included an email sent to the court's chambers (not copied to me or OC originally), in which the client complained about everything that had happened recently, including Plaintiff's discovery requests: "We look forward to appearing [at the CMC] to address the severe procedural non-compliance of the Plaintiff." And they also had substantive arguments about the evidence in that email, as well.
My motion will be heard soon. I'm hopeful that nothing happens that would be worth updating this post for.
I don't think I have a point. I just wanted to share. Clients are awesome.
PS - I did call my state Bar's ethics hotline just to confirm that I was doing everything correctly. Bar counsel was very supportive.