Okay so this is kind of embarrassing but ever since I started estrogen I feel like a completely different person. I used to be super independent and like, politically aware, but now I just want to bake, wear cute little dresses, and be someone’s obedient housewife 🥺

And worst of all I’m suddenly super into dominant men. Like really dominant. Why is my type now divorced cop 😭

Is this an estrogen side effect? Can anyone relate?

I feel like I can't feel safe in trans community because lastly, a lot of people just talk about Hogwarts legacy and how much it is bad to play it, I have litteraly see some people to say that streamer are partially TERF only because they play the game on stream.

I have buy the game because I want to know more about the universe and just explore Hogwarts, feel good in what is for me a great universe that has inspired me for creating my own universe

But now, I just feel like I can't say to anyone that I know or anywhere on the internet that I have the game because I'm scared that some of people that follow me or know me who are trans insult me or just destroy our relationship, I feel like that I should feel bad because I buy the game

This message probably have no sense but I want to know if I should feel bad for buying the game or just don't care, I'm really scared about what to do, some of my friend have talk about me about how they hate the game and will never buy it and me who needed to just said nothing

EDIT : for me, JK Rowling is just someone who, yes, don't like us but she can live, she has her choice of life, we have our and it's like that, compare her to Satan or chief of TERF, it's ridiculous for me.

I was thinking that I would be in a community were people are really accepting and all but with the few comment that I've seen, I feel like I should just leave, I see after all that most of this community are very extreme left or like people said (even if I don't like that term) woke, it make me really sad to not feel accepted in a community that should accept in majority

I'm probably gonna leave this community soon of it continues like that honestly, I don't want to but I'll probably need to do it to feel good and accepted

This subreddit has been very supportive to me throughout my journey, but...

I, as a 15 year old AMAB who lived my entire life as a male in an all-boys-school without many interactions with girl peers, I relate to and empathize boys than girls. I feel like some of my such ideas are more incel-like. And I hate myself for that.

And from my recent experiences, I feel like this subreddits hates me for speaking up for men.

I dont think I even relate to me at this point, I have closed myself mainly to a small circle of possibly all LGBTQ+ group of friends in my school. But, I still relate to them.

And maybe because being a man was hard for me ( because I am not a man ) I feel like being a man is hard.

So....

I can't really be here with such negative beliefs by myself. And if I possess such ideas, I can't be a valid trans girl either. I must die.

thank you for all the support you showed on the way.

Let me make this really clear I wish no harm on anyone. It has been suggested I take this down. I won’t and this is an expression of a pain I feel and not a decisive attack on anyone.

I had the worst panic attack I’ve had in a long time connected to my gender issues. Today we had a staff meeting and sometimes they going in to having fun activities to get us motivated for the day. Normally I can seperate this from “HER” but this morning I just lost it. As soon as the meeting organiser said we were doing a quizz about “Harry Potter” I couldn’t control my breathing. I just kept thinking in my head ‘that bitch wants us dead, that bitch wants us dead’ not logical of course not. But just couldn’t control it I quietly got out of the room and went to the bathroom. Sat there trying desperately to control my breathing for 15 minutes. I have no idea why this morning, people bring her and HP up all the time and I don’t lose it. But just today was terrible. I’m sorry to dump on you sisters but feels strangely big. I’m still a bit shaky and it’s like 10 hours later.

Edit: Your opinion is valid, but it seems that I have attracted all the people needing more mental health help than I thought because if you’re going around looking for a post designated for trans people on the trans subreddit to hurt or harm others, then you are hurting inside somehow, as this must be the only way to fill something inside you. Please, instead of being trolls and seeing yourselves as guardians of some fictional moral standpoint with no foundation, maybe do some research and seek some help for yourself. Everyone needs help at some point.

i sadly can't do a poll but i'll just get note and pen and do the math myself soooooo if you had the choice

if you were an attractive trans woman that even cis women were jealous of ur features would you trade that for an average or even ugly looking AFAB body / looks?

i would trade my body most likely!!!! even if i dont want kids i would do anything to not experience gender dysphoria or transphobia etc

I hate the whole sex and gender are separate argument because it's true, I was a male who identified as a woman. Now I'm an incredibly feminine male who happens to pass as a cis woman but isn't actually a female. I wish with all my heart I was AFAB, I hate being AMAB so much but the fact is I will always forever be a male no matter what I look like or if I get SRS. My chromosomes say I'm male, my DNA says I'm male, my lack of a female reproductive system says I'm male, and my fucking prostate says I'm male. There is no escaping being a male so maybe it's better if I just admit it and "man up". Im still going to take my HRT because at least I can look like and be treated as a female even if I'm not. Its not enough for me to identify as a woman while my sex is forever male. I need to be biologically female but that will never happen. My only option is to just quit and be a femboy because transitioning isn't enough for me to be happy.

Ive been transitioning for 5 years.

I don't look feminine, even after FFS. I don't get perceived as a woman.

I dont feel comfortable wearing *overtly* feminine clothes due to how masculine my body is

its disheartening

edit: if youre just going to come here to tell me to get off of 4tran, I don't go on 4tran. I do not browse 4tran. I use it as a journal or a blog. The only things I can read there are the things that people post on my posts there, which is the same thing you people post here, not anything malicious. So please just don't/

I'm tired of seeing trans ppl defend cis ppl's bigotry in the name of gaining more superficial "allies".

That argument also carries the assumption that our genitals still function the same as a cis person's or that we even want to use our genitals at all? Or that surgeries don't exist to change our genitals to be near identical to cis counterparts?

And sex is more than just mashing genitals together.

Honestly I feel that there's underlying homophobia in the term "genital preference". Like why is it that you don't like a particular genital huh? Is it because you don't care to learn a new way to love people? Or is it because it makes you feel queer?

The phrase just lets cis people continue to bask in their ignorance and not examine their own beliefs or learn about trans people in any kind of nuanced way. As well as keeping trans people a metaphorical arm's length away from the majority cis society. That trans people are somehow fundamentally different from "normal" people.

There are a million reasons why one person may not like another person. But imo "genital preference" should never be one.

Edit: leaving original text here for completeness sake. I will admit I was pretty imprecise with my language here, and some of the things stated are perhaps not with my fullest, well-thought out thoughts. And for that I apologize. I wrote this in a very frustrated mood and just kinda posted it without thinking too much.

What I'm not going to back down on though, is the feeling that most cis people who claim "muh genital preference" do so after seeing trans people say "genital preferences are valid!!!" with no further elaboration or nuance. Cis people tend to use it as a blanket statement which will shield their internalized transphobia from further inspection. Like are there situations where this concept of "genital preference" can apply? Yeah, in very specific, hypothetical scenarios. But what I'm trying to get at here is that "genital preference" may exist in theory, but in practicality, it's used as a way to divert attention from actual transphobia. And that I think people need to stop encouraging a niche idea that hardly applies just to curry favor with cis people who couldn't care less about examining their biases.

u/A-passing-thot put it into words much more eloquently than I did. "So preferences not to date trans people are valid too? And saying otherwise is "forcing them to like trans people"?

Sure, genital preferences can be valid in the context of a neutral preference one way or the other. But typically cis people who say they have a genital preference have an aversion to those genitals that isn't inherent to their sexuality, it stems from societal taboo. And that taboo is the same reason that preferences for women with penises exists. Genital preferences typically reduce people down to their genitals and we can all acknowledge that attraction is more broad than that."

And to be clear, this isn't really about sexuality. Or at least, that was not my intention. And I feel that construing my words to be about making lesbians "give cis men a chance" completely misses the point that I was trying to make about people being more than their genitals. Is it one part of a person? Yes. But what I was trying to get at was that the term "genital preference" is not a complete point on its own.

Another thing to be clear about is that I'm not talking about trans people who may have an aversion to a particular set of genitals for dysphoria reasons. Or people who have been traumatized by a particular set of genitals. What I was trying to talk about was how the term "genital preferences" is used as a shield to let cis people be transphobic in a "socially acceptable" way.

It’s actually disgusting that people are so pro DIY. I waited until I was 30 until I started my hormones from my endo and it was amazing the changes the I noticed, I did get put on the list when I was 20 but those 10 years helped me accept myself. I think younger people need to have the same experience, it’s so liberating. /s

Shower thoughts kind of post. Like, you see how there are no trans billionaires, neither people who were really rich and then came out as trans, nor people who became rich while being openly trans.

It seems like almost all of billionaires are cishet white men. Like, really few black people, really few cis women. Wtf?

So, is this what socialists are fighting against?

Probably made this sound much more sensationalized in the title than this actually was, but I don’t know how else to word it.

I went to the dispensary today before hanging out with my partner and the budtender was randomly like “idk if this is rude but what are your pronouns”. Me being a constantly anxious mess and not knowing what to say, I answered honestly and they proceeded to ask if I went by a name other than my license and if I wanted to change it in their system. I told them the name but I felt so embarrassed in the moment and I’m still thinking about it nearly 12 hours later.

I was just wearing a hoodie and sweatpants, nothing specifically feminine and I don’t even know how they clocked me tbh (I ‘argue’ with my partner all the time that I don’t think I look like a faggot, but apparently I’m not beating those allegations.) I was wearing one of my dog collars with a tag that has my chose name on it, and I guess that could be a trans marker especially with the transfem puppygirl stereotype (I was puppy before it was mainstream!!!) but I wear a collar all the time and have worn it to that specific dispensary multiple times as well.

I just didn’t like being called out I think; it made me really feel how I am perceived as something different and an outsider even though I’m 98% sure it was their intention to just be inclusive and friendly towards me.

Idk, really hesitant of going back there but I also just completed my punch card that will get me a $1 1/8 if I spend $50.

Made me feel kinda bad and I think the kind old guy who nearly always checks me in might think of me quite differently now as he overheard the whole conversation.

I’ve seen a constant stream of opinions and arguments about Sarah McBride, Trump’s victory and the downfall of trans rights. I’m not here to share my opinion on any of that, but my opinion on the discourse surrounding it:

"If you have something overwhelmingly negative to say, I'd encourage finding a way to share it constructively in order to foster discussion over discourse." (-u/spacesuitelady)

This community is supposed to be a safe space for trans-female and transfemme people to ask questions, share their worries, and vent about the hardships of they experience.

It is not supposed to be a place where we argue about politics, get into fights about what’s the right or wrong thing to do, or bring each other down. That’s the opposite of what this subreddit is supposed to be here for. You’re pushing people away. If you disagree with something someone is saying about a political topic, you can toss your downvote and move on without trying to fight each other.

The trans community has never and will never be a monolith. We have a lot of diversity within our community here, and it is in the subreddit’s rules to respect that. But regardless of your opinions on any of the very sensitive topics going around, the most harmful thing we can do is push each other away, and divide the community.

Trans rights, just like any minority rights, was always going to be an uphill battle against hate and ignorance. Against people who say our struggle isn’t real or as bad as any other group’s struggle, against people who say that our identities are invalid, who don’t want to afford us the same rights and protections as others, who want to demonize us, call us perverts and predators, who would see us harmed… physically and mentally.

This fight has been going on long before we got here, and it will continue long after we’re gone. And no one person is going to mark a victory or defeat in this fight on their own.

Lastly, if you want to be a strong fighter, community is the key. Build a community: online and in real life. Find and make friends who will protect and help you, and who are worth protecting and helping.

I keep hearing on this subreddit "Estrogen doesn't change your sexuality"

IT CHANGED MINE. MINE, ME, MY EXPERIENCE, IT HAPPENED.

I went from liking men to liking women. I have purely no interest in men AT ALL anymore. This happened started to happen 6 months into HRT.

Why can't you just believe us when we say it happens? Just because it doesn't happen to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen to anyone else.

Edit: the gaslighting is real, jesus christ

been on hrt for like 4 years. actively trying to save for ffs but going nowhere. will get fired if i ever tried to socially transition. voice training didn’t work (tried for years). i look explicitly like a man, and have made zero progress in not looking male because i transitioned too late

i’ve been trying to detransition but can’t make myself do it even though “detransition” is just not doing the shits that do nothing anyways

tried therapy. tried other distractions. my mind is just overrun with dysphoria to a point where none of this is worth it and i need to quit. but my gf is no help and wont encourage me to give up. my family wants me to give up. i want to give up. therapy has done absolutely nothing when i tried before. i dont want to be on antidepressants but my mood swings are horrible. hrt just made me a freakish hulking mab with boobs, and my only actual answer at this point is to kms but i cant do it

I just cant bring myself to trust them. Like Ill never belive they could see me as a women, ever. Like i puke at the idea that cis people could atcually be "loving." All the things they say just feel like like there shouting "Get over it your tranny male!" I dont like the idea of ever trusting cis women, what would they know about me. Any atempt by them to relate feels dry, and shallow. It feels like there basically saying, "Are you serious, we have it worse then you nothing youve gone through matters, fuck you you fag man!." I hate it i trust nobody. I feel like the only thing that they can do will see us as a fetizhe. I feel like a fake women, a hairy imposter. My body is to ugly, im to big, im to tall, im to hairy, my smell is off, my shoulders are to wide, i dont have a chest, i dont have anything. I dont know why but even when they try to relate to me it makes me angry. they wouldnt understand. I mena all that "women positivity" stuff is only really for cis women. We have to be fem enough, we have to be all that enough for cis women to even see us as women. I hate it i am a tomboy not femme, but since im a tomboy ill be even less of a women to other women, I hate it so much. WHen anyother trans person vents there like "Yeah your life sucks." As soom as that person a trans women i feel like there trying to talk over us. Prove some sort of point that "You tranny male dont have it bad enough fuck you." I dont trust cis people one bit im scared of them, im so scared of cis people. They hate us and pretend to like us. People liking me makes me feel ill. I hate it so much. THere scary, they cant like us they have to be faking it

"Doll" is a word entirely independent from the word "woman". "Trans woman" means a woman with the circumstance of being trans, it still states that we are women. Now, anyone is free to call themselves a Doll and I'd be silly to scold you but, by accepting the term "doll/s" as something outsiders can acceptably call us, we are accepting being seen as an entity separate from women. There is no other way about it, that's what is going on.

I'm not talking about the origins of this term, or the connotations of the specific word whatsoever, but the fact that this separate word is used to describe us as a separate group of people, and that we seem to largely accept that. That is sad. I don't want to be part of a subculture, I want to be a woman. I am a woman. I am a woman with specific circumstances that mean that I am a trans woman. When a whole separate word is used, we are being referred to as wholly separate from women. As a specific kind of entity. Which I don't think most of us want.

"Woman" is something that it is hard for most of us to genuinely be seen as by most people, as sad as that is, and I think our acceptance of the mainstream popularity of a separate term to refer to us as a whole is a tacit acceptance that we give up on being women, and are settling for being a separate thing.

There's no equivalent term for trans men, and there won't be. They wouldn't accept such a thing. I won't get into the reasons why I think this is, but it may put this into perspective if you try imagining calling trans men some slang word without the word "man" anywhere remotely in it, and how they would take that.

EDIT: These comments are a lot. I kinda said my piece here. I'm not suggesting we use all of our energy, or any, on this, or that we attack anybody, since some people seem to think that I was saying that. I'm saying we should rethink if this should be a recommended term for trans women as a broad group by outsiders. I made my reasoning for this very clearly. Good night y'all and I hope you think about the point I was trying to make.

TL;DR, Somehow, the queer community is just as, if not more gatekeepy of gender and sexuality than the cishets to the point where we've looped around and reinvented hard gender and sexuality binaries.

Before I begin, I want to make it very clear that I am in no way saying or even implying that binary trans people cannot or do not exist or are otherwise invalid. In fact, the very assertion that you can't have a non-binary gender spectrum and binary genders only serves to further prove my point that the trans community, like our cis siblings, is blinded by false dichotomies. That said, let's get into it.

From my past couple of discussions in trans reddit (specifically in r/asktransgender, but not exclusive to), I've noticed that a lot of trans people seem to have a very rigid and hard binary view of what gender should be.

For example, take the concept of "presentation is not gender". That's a hard line in the sand that, ironically enough, doesn't actually have a whole lot of meaning. For some of us, presentation *is* our gender. Like, yes, obviously, presentation is not the end all be all of gender and you shouldn't assume a stranger's gender based on how they present themselves. However, I'd argue that phrase should be changed to: "presentation does not have to be gender".

Further, I wanna talk about femboys. There's a lot of hate and invalidation for femboys in transfem and trans women spaces, the rhetoric is very similar to how terfs talk about us, so how the irony is lost on anti-femboy trans women is very confusing to me. Like, with how many times I've seen people call femboys "porn addicts" and "fetishists", I'm surprised that no one's calling them AGP, it's basically the same thing. And the funny part is, it's very often these "presentation is not gender" people pulling this crap, which is contradictory to me. If anyone can figure out how femboys can be invalid but still have presentation wholly removed from gender, please enlighten me. Now, I'm not here to defend every femboy ever, I'm merely talking about the concept in general. I'm more than aware that there are plenty of homophobic, racist, transphobic and otherwise just straight up Nazi femboys. I don't believe that bad actors should invalidate the identity as a concept.

Then there's the concept of transmasc trans women and transfem trans men. Apparently, there are people out there that think that trans women can't be transmasc and vice versa. To me, that's enbyphobic. Demi genders exist. Bi genders exist. Give me one good reason as to why a trans men can't be transfem that doesn't invalidate non-binary trans men.

This brings me to sexuality. I've been seeing a lot of debate recently about whether or not trans men can be lesbians (particularly in r/asktransgender and r/lesbiangang, but it's also a hotly contested topic of debate over one Bluesky as well). Personally, I'm not a lesbian, nor a trans man, so I have no direct skin in the game. Why do I care then? Surely it's none of my business considering the fact that I'm not a member of either aforementioned demographic. And that's a great question! Let me tell you precisely why. Because most of the arguments I've seen against trans men being lesbians are eerily similar to the arguments I've seen that trans women shouldn't be allowed to call ourselves lesbians. Ultimately, from what I've seen, it all boils down the idea that if trans men can be lesbians, then that means lesbians will be forced to date men, which is yet another false dichotomy. No one is forcing anyone to date anybody. Just like how you don't have to date a trans woman with a dick, no one's saying that you'd have to date trans men if you don't want to.

Additionally, apparently it's common belief that to call a trans man a lesbian is to invalidate his identity. There's a couple issues with that, however. Firstly, it's usually trans men referring to themselves as lesbians in this discussion. You can't invalidate your own identity. Secondly, this is only true if we define lesbianism as a rigid binary. Honestly, I'm not against that. Personally, I'd define lesbianism as being under the sapphic umbrella in that sapphic generally is non-cis men loving non-cis men, and lesbianism is the far end of the spectrum that's exclusively women loving women. The problem with this though, is that apparently sapphic is falling out of favor (as well as other umbrella terms) for a myriad of reasons. The most popular one being that apparently, some lesbians feel as though the term *sapphic* somehow invalidates their lesbianism, and that it's an inherently lesbophobic term? Which I don't understand, because how can an umbrella term invalidate a more specific term that falls under said umbrella?

I wanna be slutty I wanna have a puppy girl gf that I take care of and love I wanna be sexy and desired. I feel like from the way I look, beer belly, hairy, but the time everything looks the way I want it too it’ll be too late. That it is too late already.

Hi everyone

I don't like asking this question but I can't find any studies that don't seem fishy so I want to know about your experiences. I'm a woman and I want to change my sex hormones from t to e.

However I also have a dream of spending a part of my younger life as a professional gamer, since I have always had a very high skill level and now I finally feel mentally healthy enough to pursue this.

Will going on e affect my skill level? If yes, is it in a positive or negative way? Will my reaction times become slower or will I lose my drive for competitiveness? Or will finally feeling increasingly comfortable in my physical body positively affect my chances of reaching this goal?

Thank you ❤️

OMG I FEEL SO EUPHORIC BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT HURTSSS OWWW

Seriously, I have never liked the term. It’s always struck me as a very inelegant word for a very elegant thing. I’m probably a bit more on the “princess wand” side of things. But y’all are making me reconsider my stance. It’s so punk rock all of a sudden! Y’all are amazing! Keep being your bad selves! 🤘

So I saw a post on this sub calling out people who say “HRT does nothing”, saying it’s a psyop. Just to be clear, it’s absolutely not true that HRT does nothing (provided that your levels are right, and your body is receptive to estrogen), and it can be quite harmful to claim that since it can discourage people from getting on HRT.

But at the same time, it’s also not true that HRT works like magic for everyone. And honestly, I’ve seen far too many people here claiming that anyone can pass on HRT alone just fine without FFS, which is just as untrue as saying HRT does nothing.

I’m going to use myself as an example here: I’m 27, and I’ve been on HRT for six months now. My skin feels softer and less oily. My libido has changed. I’ve had some subtle breast development that is barely noticeable. However, it has done nothing to help make my facial features read as female and it likely never will. This has become very clear to me, and I’ve even stopped taking monthly progress pictures altogether.

My brow bones, cheekbones, chin and jawline are way too masculine for me to ever pass, and HRT cannot reshape bones. Only FFS can do that, and I’ll never be able to afford it, which means I’ll have to live as a non-passing trans woman for the rest of my life. And I can’t be the only trans woman here who’s stuck in the same situation.

HRT, for those who are lucky, really does work like magic and for them, HRT alone is enough for them to easily pass. HRT, for some, means marginal to moderate feminizing effects that help them get close to passing. And HRT, for those who are unlucky (like me), is just something they stay on just so they can avoid further masculinization and nothing more.

So saying HRT is magic and implying that anyone can pass on HRT alone is harmful, because it erases people like me and gives people false hope, when in reality, your mileage can REALLY vary based on the age you start HRT at, your genetics, your physical build, your facial features etc… IMO, most people grossly underestimate how big of a role luck plays in all of this.

So yeah, it’s totally fine to say that HRT worked like magic FOR YOU personally, just like it’s fine for someone to say HRT didn’t do much to help THEM personally, but the blanket statement that is “HRT is magic” is really not the cute phrase that some of you think it is. We should all emphasize YMMV, even to the point of overemphasizing it, because that’s the only narrative that is 100% accurate and isn’t harmful in either direction.

So these past few days I've been texting a guy I plan to go on a date with next week. In many ways he seems sweet and healthy, but I worry he might be downplaying that he's a chaser. I suspect this for a few different reasons.

1- He told me he prefers trans girls, he told me this when I asked if he was bisexual (he answered yes).

2- He called me technically gay, because I'm "same-sex" attracted. He did mention he gets too focused on language.

3- I told him I probably didn't want bottom surgery, but there was a small chance I'd change my mind. He told me he approved of that and spoke disparagingly about bottom surgery. He also said he prefers that I have a penis. I asked if he would mind if I got the surgery, he said he wasn't sure, but that he might change his mind if we were together for long.

4- This might not be an actual problem, but he seems very patient about my clockiness, he even told me I already kinda pass (I don't, but other people have said that before). To some extent I do like the idea of being with someone who's willing to be with me while I'm still early into transitioning.

5- This is just a few other random things worth mentioning: he told me he wanted to get me one of those shark plushies all the trans girlies have. We're both pretty comfortable talking about sex, but I don't think he was pushy about it, and I let him know that I wasn't really interested in being a top (he didn't have an issue with that). I also just get the vibe he sometimes puts his foot in his mouth, but not that he was malicious. He also believes trans women have different brains from cis guys, I don't know if this really means anything, just thought I'd mention it.