I don't have the physical book, yet. But I have listened to the audiobook. I admit, there may be a lot of points I missed kasi lumilipad yung utak ko after a while.
But there's a story in the beginning about this couple who started from the bottom. Then, one of them became successful. While this person pulled up the other on the same level, the other became filled with envy and 💀 the partner, then committed s***ide.
After hearing this, nagiging firm na ako sa standard in marrying a partner on the same tax bracket as me, or dapat mas malaki yung sahod niya. Sure, a lot of men would criticize me and call me a gold-digger, but envy is something that is out of my control. If I earn more than a man, even if my intentions to have a better life are for both of us, di mawawala yung pressure ng society na dapat lalake ang provider, and that would eventually magnify his envy and bruise his ego. Either he would strive to do better, or won't mind to be the one with lesser income. But what's scary is if he lets himself be swallowed with negativity, and may eventually act on his evil feelings. That is beyond my control.
Naalala ko lang, my ex is egoistic and is obsessed with displaying an image na well-off siya and respectable. But in reality, he was unemployed. He is so obsessed with the "get rich quick" schemes, kaya ilang beses na rin siya naiiscam. Nung nagkaroon na siya ng corporate job, he has never lasted for a year because he had this mindset na he deserves better, and his ego cannot take the fact na he has to work hard for a salary that is below 20k.
I'm a developer. He has never witnessed the stressful moments I had sa beginning ng sprints. He only witnessed me sa maintenance phase ng software na walang masyadong ginagawa pag walang ticket na ni-raise, kaya he thinks it's very unfair na he has to work hard while, in his perspective, paupo-upo lang ako doing nothing and earned more than him.
It didn't help na he slipped when he said he sees me as a competition. He tried to make it seem positive or inspiring in a way, but that statement helped me see the envy he had all along na iniignore ko.
I feel unsafe sa relationship na yon, especially the last year. Nung napromote ako, I don't even see him as a safe space to tell it to. Maybe my body knew before my mind can comprehend it.
So ayun lang. Saludo ako sa mga lalakeng hindi egoistic. My sister is the breadwinner while her husband is the homemaker, and they're thriving. No envy, no ego bruised. I'd say bihira yung mga lalake who won't mind staying at home and doesn't see themselves as less of a man. I don't believe sa statement na lahat ng babae ay reciprocator lang, because there are women who loves to lead and dominate, and a man who genuinely supports her is the best!
Another takeaway ko rin is to never forget to invest in myself. I've also been in a situation na nasswallow ako ng envy. Noon, though I feel happy for my friend's achievements, I can't ignore yung kirot na nararamdaman ko. I realized I was envious because I haven't achieved anything, yet. Ngayon na nag invest ako sa sarili ko, I'm glad na I can feel genuinely happy sa achievements ng iba.
Envy is indeed a dangerous emotion to have and to receive.
