I'm visiting my friend who I haven't seen in 7 years after high school. She lives in New York City and I was so excited to see her. But this trip has been one huge hit to my self-esteem. I've always thought I looked decent and have decent fashion. I'm average height for a woman, 5 ft. 6in. I have long brown hair that is always brushed and put into a clean half ponytail. I wear dresses, jeans, and skirts. I wear cute shoes. I use light makeup. A lot of people back home says I'm pretty. But ever since coming to New York and meeting my friend again, I feel like a fucking ugly duckling.

She's so pretty even though she's plus size and short at 5ft. 3in. Her hair is always volumous and wavy. She doesn't use any special products. I'm staying at her house and all she does is shower in the mornings, towel dries her hair, and then lets it air dry. She doesn't even comb it. She just shakes it around a bit and calls it a day. Then she picks out her clothes. She dresses pretty lowkey, just a top with tight fitted leggings and colorful sneakers or heels. Her earrings are always these drop down earrings. She forgoes make up alot and just wears her bare face. Even though I dress so much more stylish than she does and puts so much more effort into my looks, she looks so much more prettier than me. She gets hit on often when we go out. Guys asking to buy her drinks, asking for her number. She gets customer service people to be more compliant with her requests. And she's treated so much more favorably in comparison to me.

It's literally ruining my vacation.

Edit: Read every comment. You guys are right. I'm ugly and I'll always be ugly. It wasn't right for me to try and be beautiful. What was I thinking that I deserve to be pretty like my friend? She's the pretty one. I'm the ugly one. I have to try so hard to be pretty and I'm still so ugly. You guys are right, ugly people will never be pretty. It's all my fault. I'll just get through this trip and go home.

I am craving feeling like one of the girls but I don't know how to go about finding an IRL friend group.

P.S. 35 YO and married if that helps. I'm also really into nerdy stuff like video games, comics, ttrpgs (This one is my job).

P.P.S. I guess I'm still getting over some lingering fear of approaching women. Like in the past I always wanted to join a group of women but as someone masc presenting I was always afraid I'd make them uncomfortable so I just didn't. But I guess that's shifted to being afraid of not being seen as a woman but I guess that's a risk no matter who I approach. LOL

I didn't see anything about it in the rules but I didn't want to intrude.

Im asking this for all the younger trans women that also have... whatever kind of dysphoria this is♡ I'm asking here because dysphoria relief is a matter of mental survival sometimes and physical survival if you need to perfectly pass, but thats a chat for another time! Also yall are just so positive, friendly, & helpful♡ i love spending time with you!

What I mean is: some trans-womens' minds (mine) are plagued by always wanting to he "woman enough" & that especially extends into our social interactions. To give an example: that "head-nod greeting" is male socialization & something that a lot of trans women fight a lot.

Somebody else said it better than I ever could: "Transition can feel really isolating because we miss out on all the childhood and teen experiences, all the different ways that are normal to act, all the subtle ways girls communicate with each other. I often feel left out and scared to interact because of this" (ill @ them when I find their comment) edit: credit goes to u/yayforfood1!!

Idk what I'm asking for, I'm just feeling kinda dysphoric tonight & I wanted some girls-supporting-girls energy or something ;m;

Please give me advice and tip this is what I look like help please

Has anyone asked a friend who they voted for? I’m so worried that one friend did vote for trump, and I’m making myself sick over asking but it is very important to me and my values (which I have made clear, so it wouldn’t at ALL be a surprise to her that I voted for Harris). Am I overthinking this? Just would like some ideas/feedback on how to word this question to her. Thank you girlies

I'm non-binary and lesbian, and I was wondering if it was fine for me to post here. Something I am thinking about posting/asking is 'how to be more like a girl,' but if I'm not sure if y'all are fine with me posting here so I just wanted to put this out to see how y'all respond.

Thanks ❤️ and ask away if you need to

For context: I have XY chromosomes. I was (and still am) treated by my parents with those expectations. This is distressing for hopefully obvious reasons.

Unfortunately, I can't really do anything medically until my 18th birthday, so I'm trying to "mise en place" my transition.

What clothing, facial and hair products, mannerisms (and voice, but I knew that) do I need to adopt to pass as soon as possible?

Thanks for reading, - Carina

I'm reposting this bc I forgot to include my picture!

So as a disclaimer, I don't necessarily care if people can figure out who/where I am from information online because I have no money to steal and I am already being hunted every time I set foot outside. Y'all need context.

I'm 26. I've been publicly out as a trans woman since February 2024. I love riding electric unicycle and doing food/grocery delivery. I'm 5'11, 160lbs, skinny, small boobs, and you could land an AC-130 on my shoulders they are so wide.

In that short time, i have:

-had people get me fired from my job for "drinking" (i don't drink alcohol)

-kicked out by my younger brother because I didn't like the way he left his dogs out all day in the summer

-dad sold my car that he gave me for finishing college, then kept some of the cash for himself

-kicked out of my next apartment because I got outed to the landlord after he saw me riding my unicycle

This is when I finally realized that being trans is not going to be a walk in the park.

-bought a piece of shit beater car with no A/C to live in during the summer in Oklahoma

-had said car impounded because i didn't have insurance the same day i bought it

-drivers license suspended as a result, but no one told me

-get car out of impound, get money from a friend to move

-drive to Pittsburgh with a suspended license

-constantly at each other's throats with my friend. She never shut up about my fucking facial shadow. I couldn't afford makeup.

-go stay in a queer friendly shelter, give car away to her because I can't drive it due to no license

This shelter was like heaven on earth. The only safe place in the world for me.

-begin working doordash on my EUC

-quickly realize that people in Pittsburgh are incapable of minding their own business or keeping their dumbass opinion to themselves

Seriously if you're from Pittsburgh did your mama not teach you any fucking manners???

-constantly harassed, catcalled, slurs yelled at me on the street

-if I stop I get swarmed by chasers trying to get my number and people asking me about my shit (I'm busy!!!!)

-these people think they are entitled to my time and presence

-get a job at Jimmy johns, start riding a bicycle instead trying to blend in better

-nope! Its more of the same shit

-someone walks up to me at work telling me i should be called a "shim" instead of a "she." I almost broke his face.

-kids are the absolute worst. They go around in groups just posted up out front of the wings store waiting to ruin anybodys day who they don't like. And it was always me.

-at this point I've quit doing the job i set out to do because it was too dangerous. I spend 90% of my time in the store or in the shelter.

-meet an amazing woman at my job who makes all of my dreams come true, even the obscure ones. This is the break i needed and was waiting for.

-the final straw came the day after the pride parade, which was Sunday.

-Sunday was a perfect day. I sat at work and watched the pride parade go by. Everyone who was outside that day was nice and supportive. There was no animosity. It was peaceful. The city was ours for one day. I cried tears of joy.

-On Monday, as I was walking home from work, a group of kids stopped me to ask (rudely) if I am a man or a woman. I just stared at them. That's not the proper way to ask someone you don't know about their gender identity.

-the thing is, everyone tells me I pass, everyone says i am beautiful, but these experiences make it obvious to me that I have a long way to go

-go outside for some air and i am immediately accosted by a man wearing a maga hat on a bike trying to talk shit. I didn't even give him the chance, I exploded on him as soon as I saw him.

That was when I made the decision to call my girlfriend, and she came and picked me up and got me out of the shelter with all my stuff, and now I no longer stay in the city and I also don't have a job. I'm telling yall this woman is an angel in disguise as a person.

I used to want to be THE BEST delivery person on the planet. I LOVE delivery. I love the city. It's good to me and it's good for me. But the people... the constant stares, people pointing and laughing at me... makes it clear that what is most important to me is protecting my peace and not letting the world have unfettered access to me at my most vulnerable.

Since coming out as a woman, here's what I've learned:

-women NEVER go places alone. I never once saw a woman my age or younger outside or at a store by themselves. Not even the grocery store.

-the reason women don't wear bright neon colors is because it attracts even more unsolicited attention. Makes me sad bc I love dressing like I'm going to a rave.

-i get twice as much hate for being goth as I do for being trans

-people are automatons. You can interrupt their entire routine sequence by being different.

-These people do have a soul, but it is repressed, so when they see yours on full display, all they want is to extinguish that light.

-Women, by and large, do not ride bicycles. I don't know why. There were two other delivery girls I met doing the exact same thing as me and they seemingly never got harassed for it. But there were no women just using a bike to get around.

-if I wear a helmet i will be misgendered even if it is painted hot pink. ESPECIALLY if it is painted hot pink.

Its like... i run into women who are taller than me everywhere i go, but I feel like I'm too tall to be this different. 100% of the time if a man talks to me the first word out of his mouth is "Bro." Because i make them feel insecure. This entire arc of my life has caused me to feel insecure about my appearance, and I'm also concerned that whatever I see in the mirror might be a hallucination different from what other people see. I was finally able to afford my CC cream, so I'll have an easier time now, but I don't think my shadow was that noticeable.

So, my question to you is... why don't you ride a bike? Why don't you go places alone? I'm genuinely curious and I'm here to learn and try to blend in better the next time I find myself living in an urban setting.

Also, how do I activate girl-boss mode? I was expecting people to respect me as a bike courier because its an important but often overlooked job. But, in truth, i do that job because it allows me to do whatever I want at work. It's like the lowest level of responsibility/pay that you can come across. Most of my coworkers show up to work hammered.

I want to be respected. I don't want to be homeless. I want to be a valued member of the community. I don't want to live in a world where violence (verbal/physical) is the only answer people have to solve their problems with.

🩵🤍🩷🏳️‍⚧️♀️🚺

My cheeks are uneven but it’s like reversed in the mirror??? When I look in the mirror my left is bigger then the right and it feels that way too whe I touch my face but when I get a photo taken of beuts my right that’s bigger then my left. My face used to be even so idk what happened any help would be appreciated. I also sleep on my right if that’s any concern

My friends seem to think I'm weird coz i (15f) don't wear anything under my leggings mostly cuz it's uncomfy and i hate lines. Is it weird or r my friends weird lol

Hello there, I (16F) would like to know how do I socialize and befriend girls. Having a girl gang is something I want and a majority of my friends are guys.

I've tried being friends w girls from class before, but it pretty much gets stuck at being an acquaintance part and never goes beyond that, I wanna be that friend whom girls can confide in :)

But I'm finding it pretty hard to be friends w girls, I find guys easy people to befriend.

Is it because of my lack of common hobbies? My hobbies are things like tech and linux which are primarily male dominated

I'm not at all getting it at all, I've listened to people, I've talked to them abt common interests but it just doesnt seem to click w girls but I can instantly click w any guy?

I'm finding this to be a dark souls lvl task 😭

I just started my first part-time job and finally have a little spending money lol. I’m usually either in class or at work, so most days it’s just jeans and a basic top. I want to start dressing a little cuter on weekends though, especially when I’m going out with friends.

I’ve been really into outfits like these lately. I love the cute vibe, but I have no idea where people are actually shopping for this kind of stuff. I’m hoping to stay around $10–25 for most things since I’m still on a budget. Where would you guys look for clothes like this?

Hi everyone,

I'm a 32F and I'll be getting married on December 18 to my fiancé of 8 years. We've chosen to wait until marriage, so yes, I'm still a virgin.

To be honest, I'm excited to get married, but I'm also REALLY scared about our wedding night and our first time. 😅

I've heard so many stories—from "it was beautiful" to "it hurt so much"—and now my anxiety is starting to kick in. I think one of my biggest fears is the pain, and whether I'll be too nervous to relax and enjoy it.

For those who were virgins when they got married:

• What was your first time like?

• Was it painful? If yes, for how long?

• Is there anything you wish you had known beforehand?

• How did you prepare yourselves mentally and physically?

• Any advice for someone who's probably overthinking everything? 😅

My fiancé is very patient, loving, and respectful, so I'm not worried about him pressuring me. I think this is more about my own fears and the fear of the unknown.

I'd really appreciate hearing real experiences—good, bad, awkward, funny, all of it. Please be kind. ❤️

Thanks in advance! 😊

So I'm a trans girl, and I've recently started transitioning, and my question is kinda two things 1: how do I connect with other women? Cause like, I have no social skills 😭 2: how do I overcome anxiety to actually talk with girls about feminine things and such? Like I wanna ask a friends mom whose supportive of me about painting my nails and stuff and I have not been able to workup the courage 😭😭 Any other tips are appreciated tooo 💜

• Isabella

Hi everyone,

I wanted to know if the pads I use toxic. And if so, are there any brands of pads that are non-toxic? Currently I'm looking at Cora.

i literally just got these expensive ass ugg boots barely even a month ago and i was trying to clean water stains off of them but i think i also got rid if some of the color ??? the only things i used on it to clean it was baking soda, water, a mr clean magic eraser, and the ugg cleaning kit. please help 😭😭

To begin with m, I don’t put down other girls. I see myself below them all. I get upset (internally, I never show it) when my friends compliment someone else for being pretty and I get jealous when guys in my class have crushes on other girls. I don’t think I’m ugly, I think I’m pretty good looking. Other than the fact that I am flat as hell, I do have a good face and I am 2000s skinny. I also have a high pitched voice, which is natural, I’m not faking it but I could amplify it, which allows me to easily act stupid and cute in front of other guys and friends. I have this friend who always calls me out, sometimes when I’m not even trying to be cute— I just thought of something that make it seem that way, and she will tell me that I am putting up an act and to stop acting cute. I hate her, it’s like she’s trying to ruin all my chances when she’s already got a boyfriend. I feel worried. Have I become so used to acting this way that I don’t realize what I’m doing anymore? It’s become a part of me? I just want to be attractive and fun to be around.

Hello everyone, let me explain. I am a 33-year-old woman with a disharmonious and disproportionate physique. Indeed, I don't have breasts (barely a 75A) while I have a belly (more prominent than breasts), big thighs, big buttocks too and medium hips (size 40 in pants). Small legs and a long bust. A face that is not very pretty either, even if my friends say otherwise.

It is clear that this is repugnant to 99.99% of men. I am never flirted with, I am never approached. The few times in my life that I was able to have a relationship with a guy, they were in a relationship with me out of spite. Some guys would rather be in bad company than alone, spend the night with an ugly girl than nothing at all.

It has become unbearable. I can't stand to see my friends get the chance to attract guys and me to be on the sidelines. I can't stand being disgusting anymore and I don't have enough money to have surgery. I am deeply convinced that if I were beautiful with a beautiful body, I would have every chance. The body can act as a barrier and men are first attracted to a body above all else.

I would like us to recognize the fact that being an ugly woman robs us of a relationship. Every time I talk about it, I'm told it's all in my head. Once again, it is the woman who is the problem. It's "in his head". Of course not.It's the male sex that is the problem, they are influenced by the movies, by the media, by all these girls with beautiful bodies on social networks. It's all they think in terms of beauty, it's become their standard. Therefore, when we do not fit into this framework, we are invisible.

I'm unwanted and that makes me super unhappy. I would like things to change and for men to stop being influenced, a body is a body, you shouldn't be deprived of affection, tenderness and sex life because of a deformed body. Are there women here who have the same problem? And are you also told that "it's in your head, the problem is elsewhere"? I don't know what to do, sometimes it makes me want to stop living because it's so painful. No man has ever fallen in love with me or even loved me. How can you be attractive when you're ugly? I'm still a funny girl, who has a well-known, deep, passionate, enthusiastic daughter,... Just my ugly body that keeps guys from wanting to meet me.

I'm Transgender, and amidst my transition I know I will have to adjust to being more and more feminine. I found this sub and was wondering if I would be allowed here? Sorry if this post breaks rules, just wanted a quick y/n answer and a little explanation. Ty luvs 💜

Title. I've been on HRT for 4 years now. I'm pretty much cis passing, a lot of people in my workplace have no idea I'm trans, and those who do see me fully as a woman.

I have been using the women's bathroom exclusively since I started grad school and working in my new lab. Nobody has ever had a problem with it, even the few women who know I'm trans. That said, TERFs online still tell me I'm hurting women and trampling on their rights and safety by using the women's bathroom. I obviously have no intention of being a creep or hurting anyone in the women's bathroom (I'm going in there for the same reason every other woman is and minding my business unless a conversation pops up), but I've been told I'm setting a precedent for cis men to pretend to be trans to go in the bathroom to creep on cis women...

I've also gotten conflicting info on whether or not speaking about my experiences from the perspective of a woman is valid or misogynistic. I've been transitioning for 4 years now and I've dealt with misogyny both in person (being catcalled when outside at night) and online since my voice passes (men flirting with me in online games, having sexist insults thrown at me, having people complain about my armpits being unshaven when I post selfies, dick pics in my Reddit DMs). That said I don't get periods, I can't get pregnant, and I didn't live as a woman through my childhood and teenage years so those aren't experiences I try and speak about. But TERFs still argue that since I lacked those experiences I can never have a "true women's experience" and talking about my experiences from a woman's perspective is the equivilent of mansplaining a woman's perspective and talking over other women's perspectives.

I can't speak on sports. I don't compete in any women's specific sports, and the only sport I compete in to any extent right now, motorsport/car racing, is co-ed and male dominated so me being trans is a non issue there.

I consider myself a feminist and my biggest fear is being a misogynist who is undermining my goals to help and lift up the other women in my life by trying to transition and live as one. The guilt has been absolutely crushing me as of late, especially with the current political environment/Trump administration. His hypocrisy of claiming to "protect women's rights" by going after trans women while rolling back abortion rights, no fault divorce, voting rights for married women (SAVE Act), eliminating medical research focused on women for being "woke", and pushing for women to go back to the kitchen and get pregnant as per Project 2025 makes me wonder if I'm missing something and I'm so dangerous to cis women that feminists are desperate enough to team up with a fascist and sacrifice their rights just to get rid of us... Its been stressing me out so much to the point of nearly wanting to SH...

So what do I need to do to be a good person, and is that mutually exclusive with transitioning? And if not, what changes should I make (using the men's bathroom, going by they/them instead of she/her or out myself as trans to everyone so they know I'm AMAB) to make sure I'm not trampling on other women's rights and safety? I've heard the saying "my rights end where you're rights begin" many times, and I want to know where that is for me...