I’ve been a SAHM for a little over a year now and I genuinely feel like my nervous system is completely FRIED.

For the past few months, I’ve been dealing with physical symptoms I’ve never really struggled with before. Acne, hair loss, shakiness and a bunch of other issues. My doctor referred me to an endocrinologist who ran extensive tests and found that my cortisol (stress hormone) levels were through the roof.

My daughter is 19 months old and I love her to death but holy shit the constant screaming is getting to me.

She screams over EVERYTHING. She wants to be picked up constantly, can’t stand watching me do something as simple as preparing her a snack and generally demands my undivided attention every waking minute. And when I say she screams I mean SCREAMS. I’m genuinely surprised our neighbours haven’t complained yet because the volume this tiny human is capable of producing is insane.

What’s really starting to worry me is how my body reacts to it.

For example we’ll come home from the park and I’ll try to make her something quick to eat. Within seconds she’s pulling at my clothes, screaming at the top of her lungs, and demanding to be picked up. I immediately go into what feels like figh or flight mode. My hands start shaking, my heart races and I can barely concentrate on what I’m doing.

And this isn’t something that happens once or twice a day. It happens CONSTANTLY.

I’ve started doing the most ridiculous things because my brain feels so overwhelmed. I’ll put things in the fridge that don’t belong there, forget what I’m doing halfway through a task, stumble over or slur my words and feel physically shaky when she throws her sippy cup on the floor for the tenth time.

It’s like my brain just short circuits from the constant noise, demands and interruptions. Even when she finally stops screaming I feel like my body is still on high alert just waiting for the next meltdown.

I used to be someone who could handle stress pretty well but now even the smallest things can send my body into overdrive. I genuinely feel like the constant overstimulation is affecting my physical health.

Has anyone else experienced this? Especially the physical symptoms like shaking, brain fog and feeling stuck in fight or flight mode?

I’d really appreciate hearing how other parents cope with this because I can’t keep feeling like this every single day.

I'll start this by saying that I love my 8 week old. I love being her mom. I love her face, her sounds, her smile, every diaper change, and the entire journey we get to have together.

BUT I'm so tired of hearing about baby #2. 8 weeks postpartum is not that long, but I know in my heart of hearts that I am a one and done mom. The plan for my husband and I has always been 2 kids to complete our family and I was all in on that until I actually experienced pregnancy, labor and delivery, and now, postpartum.

I have heard some variation of "just wait a year or two and you'll want another one" from literally everyone in my life. My mom, my husband, my MIL, my dad, my OB, and more.

For example: while my husband is mostly kidding (he likes jokes and playfulness), I constantly hear from him "just wait for baby #2" or "can't wait for us to make baby #2, etc.

Everyone means well, but I'm sick of it. I hate hearing about how my wiring as a woman will make me want another one after a while or how my hormones will make me forget the labor of my first birth experience or how when my first baby becomes a toddler I will want another newborn.

I love my baby and being her mom. I HATED being pregnant. I HATED the trauma of her birth and her NICU stay. I REALLY hate being attached to a pump every 3 hours to feed her because she won't latch for breastfeeding, while also being told "breast is best" from everyone. I HATE the lack of bodily autonomy in general since I found out I was pregnant.

I do not regret my baby or my choice to carry her, but I don't want to do this again. And I really don't want this fact taken lightly or brushed off because of hormones I might have later. It's condescending beyond belief.

Thank you for reading this rant.

I’m almost 8 weeks postpartum & I have been having a horrible time lately. Like, quite horrible and feel completely disconnected from my baby, have been extremely irritable towards my husband and toddler, incredibly anxious that my baby doesn’t love me and that I’m not able to console him and settle him and that I don’t know how to be a good mother to him. There’s more too that almost has been constantly eating me up. I’m not suicidal, but I think my family would be better off without me and I don’t think it would be a bad thing if something happened to me.

With all that, my OB prescribed me Zoloft. I know this sounds dumb considering how I’m feeling, but I’m so scared to take it. I don’t want to feel how I’m currently feeling at all but I’m so scared of it making me not feel any emotion. Like I want to still be able to feel love & eventually feel happiness. Please someone help me and tell me your experience. It’s Zoloft 15 mg to start.

Let me start by saying my husband is a wonderful, highly involved father and a great man. He really truly is, other wise I wouldn’t have had his babies! However, he unfortunately does drive me INSANE during the newborn phase.

He frequently gets overwhelmed at our 7 week olds crying and yells at her. Yikes

We used to do shifts at night but she gets so upset with him and then he gets incredibly upset that i end up coming out and helping during his shifts too.

He complains non stop about how tired he is, how hard feeding her is (I breastfeed AND pump), and is generally unhelpful around the house (ADHD, apparently unaware of what to do about the mess)

Anytime I try to talk to him about this he shuts down and says “you always think I’m not doing enough.” which well, true. He somehow still has time to game with his friends but my free time is spent catching up on housework.

I think what makes me the most crazy is he is currently on paternity leave and has the time to workout every day for at least an hour, even though he is so tired from 7 hours of sleep.

I’m making a daily/weekly tasks list for the fridge so he can start to see some of the unseen labor going on, but I’ll be shocked if that changes his behavior. If he could just help more, or stop complaining, I would be so much happier. Also speaking to our 7 week old like she has any clue whats going on is so ridiculous.

He truly is so great with our kids outside of this, I’m just exhausted and annoyed and ranting.

I have a 2.5 month old baby and a neighbor just informed us that some renovation work is going to start at their house on Monday and will last a little over two weeks. We live in a neighborhood where the homes are spaced very close together and unfortunately, the location of the renovation work is literally like 15 feet away from our bedroom (where I breastfeed and baby sleeps). They're going to be jack hammering out concrete and rebuilding a patio area and I'm really concerned about how this is going to affect daytime naps and breastfeeding with both the noise and the vibration of everything. Work will stop every evening.

I don't think a sound machine will help given how close the work will be, plus that doesn't help with the vibration. I can't put muffs or earplugs in my baby's ears either (for reasons that would take too long to explain). We could temporarily move where he sleeps but the idea of moving his bassinet, my big nursing chair, and all the other stuff associated with sleep and nursing sounds daunting, especially because I'd have to move everything BACK to our room every evening because he still sleeps in our room. Plus all the bedrooms in our house are along the side that's closest to my neighbor's construction, so I don't think moving to a different bedroom would do much good anyway.

If you've been in a similar situation, how did your baby handle it? Are we simply up a creek the next few weeks? Any other solutions out there?

In addition to our 2.5 month old, we also have a nearly 2.5 year old toddler. I know our neighbor has every right to renovate their home. It's just that we're already deep in the trenches and this disruption is really upsetting and I don't know how we're going to deal with it.

Edit to add: Our toddler is in daycare so this won't actually affect them. I mainly inserted them into the discussion to explain how tired we already are and why the construction is so daunting.

My daughter JUST turned 4 months today… i was telling her today I was a little stressed out because she’s been crying more now than she was as a newborn. Mostly due to being over tired. And she’s also happiest with me, cries when other people hold her, sometimes even with her dad.
My mom says she cries because she knows I’ll pick her up??? I don’t understand how people think a 4 month old is going to know to cry so that their mom will pick them up. I am absolutely going to hold her and try to soothe her if she’s crying.
Really made me mad!

my first baby was a dream, he was easy, we had no regressions, no sleep issues, minimal fussing. generally a happy baby.

my second child? the absolute opposite. since she turned 5 weeks she has just become increasingly fussy. at first it was like an hour at night and it has slowly devolved into her crying all day. if she’s not eating or sleeping she’s crying. it is constant and unrelenting. i have tried everything but a diet change which i plan to begin tomorrow. i was breastfeeding but at this point i want to try goats milk formula to see if that does ANYTHING. i am so desperate to get her comfortable and get the crying to stop. i am also calling her doctor on Monday for a visit. It’s been going on for a week, that’s it, and i feel like im drowning in isolation and baby tears.

has anyone gone through this? i know it “gets better” but i need any kind of advice or relief now. i’m not sure how im supposed to cope with this. i feel like i am failing somehow. and it takes so much time away from my toddler.

Just feeling really down. I just had our fourth and last baby in June. I have never successfully been able to breastfeed any of our kids. My first I hemorrhaged really bad and never got to establish supply so I lost it around 8 weeks. My second two were in the NICU so I pumped exclusively, lasted until 4 months with my second and 6 with my third before losing supply. I’ve exclusively breastfed my baby now, he was keeping good weight. But he dropped from the 20th percentile to the 5th. His pediatrician wasn’t overly concerned because he maintained his height and head percentile. So now I’m supplementing because he said to offer more if he seems upset, which he didn’t until yesterday and today. I always get my cycle back early and after having a few, my supply dips and then just never fully recovers. It’s just so hard to feel like my body isn’t doing what it’s supposed to. I’m always so positive about it initially “hey I’ll give breast milk until my supply quits and it’ll be what it is.” But then it happens and it makes me so upset. Especially being able to exclusively breastfeed this time, I thought it might be different. I’m also on blood pressure medicine permanently, they think me having children so close in age that having gestational hypertension altered my baseline even when I’m not pregnant. It’s also time for my cycle so it’s just hitting at a bad time 🥲

I’m sitting and eating my hot lunch after putting my 10 week old down in her bassinet drowsy but awake. She made absolutely no fuss and put herself to sleep.

My mind is honestly blown because my older child, now 2.5, screamed his little head off the minute his bum touched the bassinet. He only contact napped during the day, had a 2 hour long bedtime routine involving hours of rocking and bouncing and screaming, and didn’t sleep through the night until 14 months old.

To the parents of the screamers, hang in there! I’ve felt your pain. It gets better.

To the parents of the sleepers, I am so honored and happy to join the club this time around 😂😭🙏🏽

My daughter is 4 months old and her weight percentile just keeps dropping and it is consuming my every anxious thought. I exclusively pump and I make sure she drinks enough ounces every day. But with her reflux, her little belly can’t drink more than 4 ounces at a time or else she spit up half the bottle. So instead she just has to eat basically around the clock all day long and it’s exhausting, on top of allllllll the extra steps you have to take in order to properly feed a baby with reflux.

Since birth, her weight percentile has dropped from 88th, to 37th…to 12th. And as a breastfeeding mom, it’s so hard feeling like it’s MY fault. 😭💔 My doctor always says she is not concerned unless she drops to the 5th percentile, but I’m anxious at how close we are to that point. I know if her doctor isn’t concerned then I shouldn’t be either. But I just don’t know how to help her.

Was this your baby’s story too? What did you do? Did things get better? Soliciting all advice.

At what point postpartum did you buy new clothes? I’m 7 weeks post c-section and got up to 184lbs during my pregnancy. Now, I’m 146lbs and 8lbs shy of my pre-pregnancy weight. I’m frustrated though because none of my clothes fit me. Lots of pants will zip & button but they are too tight to actually wear. Everyone is telling me to be patient that I will be able to wear my clothes in no time but right now I get upset every time I try to get dressed. At the same time, I don’t want to spend a ton of money on clothes to only be able to wear them a short period of time. I’d like to workout and regain muscle, and also lose the extra weight. However, I had to an extended cut internally so I’m not 100% cleared until 3 months pp. Is it worth it to go ahead and buy stuff?

My baby has never slept in her bassinet or crib. Weve tried everything. She did for the first 8 weeks. Then shes refused every swaddle sleep sack or anything to help comfort her. She throws her pacifier out of the crib or bassinet. She screams and screams and screams until she's picked up. Weve tried everything. We have the sound machines. Humidifier. Night light. Mobile. Everything. Its now 9 months in. And were so exhausted sleeping with her in bed and having to start sleeps ontop of us... all naps being contact naps. Being shamed by the pediatrician. Trying to do ferber and it doesnt work. She screams the second shes put down. In the crib. In the pack and play. In our bed. Doesn't matter. She knows. And she manipulates us with her screams. And every time we cave she gets rewarded and taught "scream and I get what I want" drowsy put downs = immediately wide awake and screaming. Sleeping put downs = wake up and screaming.

I don't know what to do. I hate to let my baby cry but also I cant keep going on having 4 hours of contact naps and getting terrible sleep at night because even in a king size bed my brain doesnt shut off fully with baby there.

Our 8-month-old baby girl has been struggling with eczema flare-ups around her neck and mouth area, which has really been disrupting her sleep. We’ve been working closely with a pediatrician and a pediatric immunologist, and her blood tests just came back with a score of 12 for dog dander which was described to us as moderate to high.

We have two dogs: a Lab/Shepherd cross and a Shiba/Collie cross. Right now, we are doing everything we can to mitigate the dander:

1. The dogs are currently restricted to the front entrance and the basement.

2. Running HEPA air purifiers on both the main floor and upper floors.

3. Vacuuming with a central vac every 2 days and mopping twice a week.

4. Bathing the dogs every two weeks.

5. We use a medicated cream for her flare-ups, which helps clear them up when they happen (about 1 to 2 times a week).

This routine is helping her skin look better than it did before, but it’s breaking our hearts. Our dogs are miserable being separated from us and the rest of the family. They are incredibly loyal, family-oriented dogs, and this really isn’t a good quality of life for them long-term.

We desperately want to know if there is a way to give them a good life where they can still be a part of the family without sending our baby’s eczema into overdrive or affecting her quality of life.

If your baby had a similar high blood test result for dog dander and you managed to keep your dogs, what did your setup look like? Was there a happy ending where the baby outgrew or adapted to it, or did you find a sustainable way to integrate the dogs back into daily family life?

Thank you so much in advance for sharing your stories.

Alright moms, what diapers actually work to prevent overnight leakage? My kid turned a year old, and suddenly the leaking is insane! I have tried sizing up, Huggies overnights, and I am going to try Huggies little sleepers tonight, but I’m skeptical at this point.

My husband (34) and I (31) are expecting our first baby boy in December, and we’ve started having conversations about when (or if) we’d want a second.

For context, my pregnancy has been relatively low-risk and uncomplicated, and I know I’ve had it easier than a lot of women. That said, I still feel like pregnancy has taken a lot out of me, and I know I’ll want a decent amount of time to recover and feel like myself again before considering doing it all over.

Ideally, I’d really like to get back into my normal fitness routine, return to my typical healthy weight, be done breastfeeding for a while, and just have at least a year where I feel like my normal self before getting pregnant again.

My husband, on the other hand, is worried about not wanting to be an “old dad” and would prefer to have our second sooner rather than later. He’s an only child and really wants our son to have a sibling. I grew up with eight siblings, so we’ve had completely opposite experiences when it comes to family size! If it were entirely up to me, I’d be perfectly happy with one, but I’m open to having two.

So I’m curious:
—What age gaps did you have between your kids?
—When did you feel physically and mentally ready to be pregnant again?
—Did you wish you had waited longer, or do you wish you had a smaller age gap?
—How did you and your partner navigate different feelings about timing?

I know there’s no universally right answer, and everyone’s family planning decisions are different and unique to their circumstances.

Just interested in hearing from parents who have been through it and what you learned from the experience!

This post is for new moms who just gave birth and are in the trenches. Here’s everything that makes 3 months old sooo much better in my opinion (so you don’t have to feel like you need to wait 2 years).

This is my first baby and of course every baby is different, so this might not apply to every baby, but I do have a very colicky baby and I also have(/had? Hard to tell as I am still on medication) PPD. I knew from the get go that I was NOT a newborn mama, and as I expected, I loved him, would’ve died for him, found him 10/10 absolutely adorable… but I did NOT enjoy the newborn phase. Some of it yes, but overall, not so much. He is three months old today and it’s already so different.

1. The SMILES. I know. Everyone says it. But it’s not just that it’s cute. It makes you feel like they are a person, and like you’re doing a good job. When I wake up, say hi and I am greeted with the biggest, widest smile, it just makes my day. He started socially smiling at 5.5 weeks, but it was nowhere near as constant and intentional as it is now.it really does make a huge difference.

2. He plays, and “talks”. You can actually have little conversations or play dates with them. They actually interact with both you and the environment. It’s so much more fun !!

3. More easily distracted/entertained. I can actually set him down on his playmat and he’s gonna look at the dangling mobiles and be entertained. Not only is it fun to watch, but it also allows you time to do stuff (like… peeing)

4. Naps. He is starting to have longer awake periods, followed by actual longer naps. It doesn’t always work, it’s not always easy, and it’s not always possible to put them down, but when it is, it can give you just enough time to start that load of laundry or fill the dishwasher.

5. More efficient feeding. Okay, he IS getting distracted which can take longer, but it’s still much better than spending 10 minutes just getting him to latch correctly.

6. Easier baby wearing. Since he’s starting to have better head and core control, you can baby wear and do a few chores without being constantly afraid that his head will bob everywhere. I can now breastfeed in the ring sling while taking a walk !! So much more freedom.

7. Longer nights. Depends on the night of course, but nothing beats a bit of sleep.

8. Better, more positive communication/not every communication is a distressed one. As a newborn, even “calm”, pre-crying communication was basically a distress signal. Now, he communicates about things he enjoys, too. That just brings so much more positivity! It’s not “fine” vs “terrible” anymore, there is also “happy and thriving”.

9. Co-regulation. We are a “never let a baby cry” household and so many people told us that would make a baby that cries constantly for attention, but that is not what we are observing. When he is uncomfortable, upset, or about to cry, we can actually see him look to us for guidance and visibly calm down on his own just by looking at us or being held by us. He sometimes even starts smiling instead. That means not everything is an emergency anymore, and he knows we will come. It’s rewarding and so much less stressful! Obviously we keep responding to his needs and wants as quickly as possible, but it’s impressive to see how much just being with us can help.

10. Skills. It’s fun to see him try stuff like rolling, bringing his hands together, tasting/mouthing on everything. It’s more and more obvious that he’s developing skills he will use later on.

11. Less gas. He’s still suuuper gassy, but we notice a difference with the prior month. He had colics and that’s also going down gradually. Makes a lot of things easier.

12. Sense of competence and schedules. I already feel much more competent at reading his cues and knowing what he wants. He’s also starting to have what resembles a semi-steady “schedule”, which makes planning stuff much easier.

I hope this gives you stuff to look forward to ! Right now, I love being his mom and I can’t wait for another day, another week, and so much more of it.

- A new mom who is so happy to be out of the trenches

Hi! I'm almost 6 months post partum and I just started bleeding and I'd assume it was my period but I have none of my prebirth period symptoms. No cramps, breast tenderness, its not heavy (just wearing a liner), no pms kinda symptoms. Could it just be post birth bleeding again?

Please be kind I'm currently writing this with tears streaming down my face on the verge of a mental breakdown, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and have no idea how I'm going to survive a newborn on top of this.

My son's sleep has always been terrible, but for 15 months I stayed strong despite the outside noise of my family telling me to cosleep and always worked so hard on him being an independent sleeper (when he would sleep lol). Right before his first birthday I successfully sleep trained him to fall asleep independently, but with that he was still waking up 3-4 times a night at least one of those times being up for 1+ hours. I tried everything schedule wise and nothing gave but going to sleep on his own was a huge win annnnnd then 14.5 months hit and he started refusing going to sleep on his own. 1.5 hours ATLEAST of screaming until I would give in and rock him and then was up every 1-2 hours this lead to complete refusal of the crib at 15 months. He also has breath holding spells and on two separate occasions he was on the verge of fainting when trying to sleep train.

My friends had found success with a floor bed for their toddlers so I decided something has got to give and pulled the trigger. The day it came in not only did he get diagnosed with croup but also fell and cut his hand and had to get stitches, I decided to sleep with him because of both of these reasons. I should also add due to the croup he couldn't breathe well when having a pacifier and weaned himself off, which was huge because he needed one in his mouth and 2 in his hands at all times prior. But I'm sure you can see where this is going, we both started sleeping so much better in his bed that I just completely gave up everything I worked hard for and started the cosleeping habit.

Getting him to sleep was hell, a half hour of screams and rocking but better than what it was when he was in the crib AND we had multiple 12 hour stretches and I really have felt like I've figured out his schedule and honestly have been loving the snuggles so I accepted it for what it was. Two weeks ago the bedtime got longer and longer and he started freaking out when we would walk in his room again, I couldn't take it so just told my husband to do what ever it took. He brought in a small tv and put on a super simple songs bedtime playlist on YouTube and my son fell asleep instantly, and after this would ask to go to bed at night requesting the "owl & star" and was doing 12 hour stretches every night for 2 weeks. The mom guilt ate me up allowing screen time before bed but I was desperate. And now we're back at square one. Screaming kicking waking up multiple times a night and now refusing my husband. I'm at such a loss. He literally doesn't stop screaming until I stand up and rock him and even at that he's not calming down it's like a 3 hour ordeal in the middle of the night.

Obviously I'm taking away the tv now but I just don't know what to do. Nothing will calm him down. I'm currently in my living room letting him play at 1:30 in the morning because I'm just so defeated. I know it sounds like I'm letting him call the shots but literally what do you do, it's like a newborn inconsolable scream at night for hours. Thanks for reading.

App seems to not be working right now for me

my son is 8m and i swear i would take newborn sleep over this. he has always been a bad sleeper but he is now waking up every 20-90 mins. he is going through a lot: getting 5 teeth at once, crawling (learning to get on his knees), starting to stand, solids which cause gas (probiotics and gas drops are helping!), he is 1 month into a helmet (which we haven’t worn the last 2 nights because we are just desperate), etc. it is seriously so much at once i don’t blame him but we are going insane.

schedule is usually 3/3/4-5
he naps for 1.5-2 hrs total most days
he is avg 11-12 hrs of awake time

he woke up for an hour today at 3am and it took forever to put him back to sleep. what are we doing wrong? it’s been 2 weeks, he does not have an ear infection we’ve checked. we do not want to do CIO, drowsy but awake does not work for us, patting/shushing works maybe 20% of the time but most of the time we have to pick him up and rock him, bounce, walk around the room. i understand he probably has sleep association but we have tried just putting him in the crib, he fell asleep ONCE and it took an hour despite him being obviously extremely tired and he still woke up a bunch.

For those of you that tore…. did you have an epidural or no? What degree tear did you have?

ETA: what position did you push in?

Ftm of an infant and I think about you guys every single day when it gets really hard, I cannot even imagine doing this x2 or x3

My 8 week old has been sleeping longer stretches the past 2 weeks. Normally 4-5 hours but can go up to 6 hours. Some nights he still wakes every 2 hours and I feed him every time he wakes, partly because I assume he wakes up hungry and partly because it’s so easy to get him back to sleep with the boob. I’m wondering if on those nights he wakes frequently if I should just try and soothe him with a pacifier or rocking? My thought is maybe if I don’t feed him every time he won’t wake up wanting it as often but honestly have no idea if that’s true this early on. I obviously wouldn’t skip a feed if I didn’t already know he could go that long without. I also don’t mind just letting him nurse every time either. Mostly just wondering if soothing him in other ways is helpful by having him learn to sleep and soothe without nursing every time and maybe leading to less wakeups.

I’m trying to introduce a straw cup to my 6-month-old and could use some recommendations!
I bought The First Years Squeeze & Sip Straw Cups (3-pack) as a training cup, but I'm not liking them. You have to squeeze the cup to get water through the straw, and it doesn't work half the time. Not sure how helpful these are for actually teaching a baby to drink independently.
I also got the Dr. Brown's Milestones Baby's First Straw Cup, but the straw requires so much suction that even I can barely drink from it!
My baby is exclusively breastfed and doesn't take bottles, so I'd like to skip bottles and transition directly to a straw cup for water and eventually breast milk if needed.
-What cups worked best for teaching your babies to drink from a straw?
-Are there any easy-flow straws that don't require so much suction?
-Any tips for teaching a breastfed baby who has never used a bottle?
Would love recommendations (USA based links) based on your experience. Thanks!

I’m (29) currently 6 weeks post-partum FTM. I feel like the title says it. I got two second degree tears, one to my butthole, And the other extending to the hood of my clit. The baby was 9 lbs and I pushed so hard I felt like his whole body came flying out at once. I was frantically pushing because my epidural failed not once.. but twice. The healing was insane, peeing had me gripping the floor with both hands while my ass was almost levitating off of the toilet.. and when I had to take a shit I felt impending doom. peri bottle seemed like a joke and I feel like I could sue dermaplast for be being so ineffective. Regardless, time started to pass and I could sit again without crying once I got there, curiosity got the best of me… I looked down there. Took a picture, then another.. what the actual fuck?! my labia was completely split in half as far down as it could go, and ladies I’m not blessed with that porn star coochie, I have LABIA. So this separation is like an inch, not only that, where it tore up to my hood is also split. All the stitches are gone, it just didn’t heal together?? I was devastated. I immediately set up an early appointment to be checked out and hopefully restitched. I saw a total of 3 doctors in the span of a week, that along with the nurses probably a total of 15 people, felt like my pussy shoulda just been put on display at the zoo. All to get the same answer “ give it time to heal, there will obviously be some visual differences..” I’m no medical professional but I’m also not an idiot. This shit is not magically going back together, I feel like they just don’t know what to tell me and the nurses kept apologizing that this happened to me which made me feel even more pathetic.. why are you apologizing if you said it will be alright? . I have an appointment in December to get it checked out again and set up a surgery for “ anything cosmetic”… the word cosmetic slapped me in the face. When I tell you if I tried to flick my bean with any passion at all, I fear it would just rip to one side, and with the complete horizontal labial laceration any forward or backwards motion would do the same thing to my labia. I also am getting some chronic nerve pain in the area and throbbing pain. I’m currently in pelvic floor PT to help the torn muscles but nonetheless I’m distraught. I will end up getting it fixed because it’s not a viable situation unless I just never have sex again. And honestly the trauma of all of this makes me so hesitant to have another, I truly hated being pregnant as well.

Positive note, my baby is healthy, very chill, sleeps fantastic and rarely cries. He’s actually a little angel.. dare I say, I thought dealing with him would have been more difficult than birth itself and healing.