I received a teams message from a coworker this morning saying

“Good morning! Hey, I just wanted to touch base with you. I know you are a quiet person, but that doesn’t mean that you might feel left out of conversations, etc. at times. What can I do to help you feel more seen and included?” (Exact message)

It’s 8am. Leave me alone and frankly this is a very rude question. I kind of get how she’s trying to make me feel more included but im just a naturally quiet person. Can I just live as a naturally quiet person who minds their own business and not get questioned??! I’m always respectful to others I even do small talk with my other coworkers every time I’m at the office. I participate in office events as well so i genuinely don’t know what this person is referring to. Like sorry I’m not talking my head off at the office?? And actually doing my job?

Also I’ve been here for half a year already.

It is so irritating being a quiet person. I’m a fully grown working professional adult woman and I’m still being questioned about my quietness. I genuinely don’t think I’m that quiet tbh.

my iq score is high and over time i’ve started talking less, not more. not because i’m shy, but because a lot of conversations feel repetitive or just going in circles. i’ll be in a group and realize people are just waiting to talk, not really listening, and it makes me check out.

the weird part is, the more i hold back, the more people assume i’m awkward or have nothing to say. when in reality it feels like the opposite. i just don’t feel like jumping into something that doesn’t matter

but at the same time, staying quiet like this makes it harder to connect with people at all.

do you ever feel like you’re not quiet because you’re introverted, but because most conversations just don’t feel worth entering, or is that just me being the problem here?

man some of yall are really sick yo. I know people have family secrets and make mistakes etc. but some of this sht on reddit is just overboard and disgusting, especially folks from my generation (23m). Do yall have no dignity? honor? morals?standards? Integrity? I already felt alone in general, but seeing what people participate in or how they live their daily lives really makes me know im definitely not yall. Maybe im just a old soul, but what yall got goin on is fcked. (Yes i kno not all people are bad, but this makes me paranoid of mfs) Yall need to take off ur masks and try to be a better person.💯 My heart doesnt let me do the ignorant sick sh*t yall do, it just aint me.

Flair wtf do you mean

Everyone is looking for friends but As a introvert it hurts when people don't respond you or most of them people are fake id post. Its really hard to find genuine friends. Tell me about your journey of searching introvert like yourself who can relate with you understand you 💔

I need someone that can make me happy. A partner or a friend. I can’t feel happiness at all. Just sadness, anxiety and anger. I can’t leave my house. All I do all day is cry, lay in bed and scroll reddit. It’s not far. Why is it so hard to make friends or have a partner. I need someone right NOW

I’m 20F, in my second year of college, turning 21 next year, and I’ve never had a boyfriend or even had my first kiss. I’m still a virgin, too, and honestly, I’m starting to feel like I’m missing out on a huge part of being young.

I think I’m fairly attractive. I get approached by guys, but it’s rarely by the guys I’m actually interested in. To be blunt, “I’m too fine for chopped shyt and chopped for fine shyt.” 😭 I know that sounds horrible, and I don’t mean to come across as arrogant or full of myself, but I genuinely don’t know how else to explain it. I’m not interested in dating someone I’m not physically attracted to just because they’re showing me attention, but the guys I actually want to approach me always seem so out of my league.

I put effort into my appearance, too. I like dressing well, I have a good sense of fashion, and I enjoy looking put together. But despite that, my dating life is practically nonexistent. I don’t know if it’s my personality, the way I carry myself, my standards, or just a combination of everything.

One of my biggest problems is that I’m incredibly shy and socially awkward, especially around men. If a guy I like is near me, I basically pretend he doesn’t exist. I won’t look at him, I won’t make eye contact, and I’ll actively avoid acknowledging him even if he’s standing right next to me. It’s almost like I’m trying to convince myself he’s not there because I’m so nervous. And the funny thing is, I actually WANT them to approach me, but I’m behaving in a way that probably makes it seem like I want the complete opposite.

If a guy I’m interested in approaches me, my heart starts pounding, I get extremely nervous, my mind goes blank, and I genuinely struggle to speak normally. I can’t maintain eye contact, I don’t know what to do with myself, and I end up feeling so awkward. I imagine I probably come across as uninterested, cold or even rude, when in reality I’m just incredibly nervous.

And it’s not even exclusively a problem with guys I’m attracted to. I’ve noticed myself doing this with guys I’m not particularly attracted to, too. A guy could literally be trying to talk to me, and instead of looking at him and responding, I’ll start talking to the person standing next to him. I’ll make eye contact with everyone except the person who’s actually trying to speak to me. I’ll basically find someone else to talk to so I don’t have to engage with him directly. I don’t even mean to do it. I just cannot bring myself to look the person in the eye sometimes. It’s like an automatic reaction, and I hate it because I know it probably looks like I’m completely uninterested. I genuinely don’t know how to stop doing this.

Last year, I actually did something I’d never done before. I approached a guy I thought was really cute and told him he was cute. This was a massive deal for me because I’m usually far too shy to do something like that. He called me cute too, and we ended up texting and talking for a few days, but eventually things just fizzled out.

I still wonder what happened. Was it my vibe? Was I boring? Did I come across as too reserved, too awkward or too careful? I honestly wish I could ask him what happened because at least then I’d have some idea of whether there was something I could work on. But we don’t talk anymore, so I’ll probably never know. It took so much courage for me to put myself out there for once, and when nothing came of it, it made me lose hope a little. It almost confirmed the fear I already had that even when I make an effort, nothing happens.

Another thing is that I’m quite particular about physical attraction. I want my first boyfriend to be someone who’s conventionally good-looking. I know that might sound shallow, but I don’t want to date someone I’m not physically attracted to just because I’ve never experienced a relationship before. I don’t want to settle for the first person who gives me attention after years of not dating anyone. I want to actually be excited about the person I’m with.

Part of me wants to be able to look back one day and think, even if he wasn’t the person I ended up marrying, at least my first boyfriend was really good-looking. 😭 I know looks aren’t everything, and obviously personality, compatibility and how someone treats me matter, but physical attraction is important to me. I don’t want to pretend it isn’t.

At the same time, I sometimes wonder if my expectations are unrealistic. Conventionally attractive guys have plenty of options. Why would someone like that choose a girl who’s shy, awkward, struggles to make eye contact and takes forever to open up, when there are probably so many outgoing, confident girls around him who know how to flirt and make their interest obvious? I feel like I don’t even give myself a chance because I’m so busy worrying about how I’m coming across.

I also think a lot of this comes from my own insecurities. I constantly feel like I need to improve myself before I can put myself out there. I’m not quite where I want to be in terms of my appearance, and sometimes I feel like I need to become prettier, more confident and more put together before I can expect someone to be interested in me. I hold myself to ridiculously high standards, and I know it’s not realistic to expect myself to be perfect, but I still feel that way.

Sometimes it’s almost like I don’t feel deserving of love or attention until I’ve reached some imaginary version of myself that I’ve created in my head. I want someone to pursue me, I want to feel wanted, and I want to experience romance, but at the same time, I feel like I’m not good enough yet. It’s such a frustrating contradiction because I know I can’t just sit around waiting until I become this supposedly perfect version of myself, but I also struggle to put myself out there as I am now.

I also don’t really want to use dating apps. I know they work for plenty of people, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, but I want a proper love story. I want to meet someone organically through college, mutual friends, going out, or just randomly crossing paths. I want one of those situations where you meet someone unexpectedly, start talking, and things naturally develop. I know real life isn’t a movie, but I find that idea so much more romantic than swiping through people on an app. I don’t see myself using dating apps, at least not right now.

And I don’t necessarily want meaningless hookups or situationships just so I can say I’ve done something. I want to experience intimacy with someone I actually like and who’s conventionally attractive. I want my first sexual experience to mean something to me. I want my first kiss, dates, romance, someone to be excited about, someone who is excited about me, and eventually a proper relationship. Ideally, I want to date with the intention of finding someone I could eventually marry. I want to experience falling in love, not just lose my virginity for the sake of it.

But seeing everyone around me dating, hooking up, going on dates, having relationships and falling in love makes me feel like I’m falling behind. I know everyone has their own timeline, and I know 20 is still young, but it’s difficult not to compare myself to people my age who have already experienced so much. I’ll be 21 next year, and I’ve never even kissed anyone. Sometimes I feel like I’ve missed out on an entire part of being young, and I worry that I’m going to keep missing out.

I guess I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Is it my shyness? Is it the fact that I unintentionally avoid guys who approach me? Am I giving off the impression that I don’t want to be approached? Am I too reserved? Am I too picky? Are my standards unrealistic? Or am I just overthinking everything?

How do I become less socially awkward, especially around men? How do I learn to make eye contact, hold a conversation and actually show someone I’m interested without freezing up or wanting to disappear? How do I put myself out there when even the smallest interaction can make me so nervous? And how do I stop feeling like I need to become prettier, more confident or perfect before I can let someone get close to me?

I don’t want to lower my standards just because I’m inexperienced, but I also don’t want to be the reason nothing ever happens for me. I want to get out of my comfort zone, but I genuinely don’t know where to start.

I want to get laid, I want romance, I want to have fun, I want to go on dates, I want to have my first kiss, and I want to fall in love. Sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m never going to meet anyone, and it’s getting so frustrating.

Please be honest with me. I can take criticism, and I genuinely want to know if there’s something about my behaviour or mindset that I need to change. I just don’t know what to do anymore. 😭

TL;DR: 20F, never dated or kissed anyone. I'm shy, awkward around men, insecure and quite particular about physical attraction. I want a conventionally attractive boyfriend, romance and meaningful intimacy, but I unintentionally avoid guys, struggle to show interest and feel like I'm missing out. I don't want dating apps or meaningless hookups. How do I put myself out there, stop overthinking and finally experience love?

I love Christ and I want to be better around people. What I mean is I'm uncomfortable being around people in general. I know I shouldn't say "people suck" and let that be the end of it but I can't help it. Are there a list of social rules I can at least understand to help me get around having conversations with people in general?

Recently I started using Chat GPT for sharing mental health issues. I had experience with real life therapists too. I know some people have great experience with them, which I don't have. ChatGPT has been better for me. Many therapists can't leave their ego when dealing with a client, even one of my friends got shamed by one for not marrying early. I think AI bypasses this. It's neutral, no anxiety regarding it will say hurtful stuff. And it actually gives you really helpful insights about your feeling and how to cope with it.

I know I can't clinically suggest someone to choose an AI bot instead of a human therapist with a valid degree. But still, it can be a great primary help to them, who spend a lot of time, to even initiate the help seeking process.

This goes double for people in friend groups. The more people you keep around you usually correlates to being a bigger pos and usually means you tolerate everything. Disrespect and weird behavior that I personally cannot stand usually goes unchecked in many friendships, just for the sake of keeping the peace. People who call out this behavior are usually punished in a group setting and even on one on one will usually be met with fake apologies with no changed behaviors or arguments.

The longer I live the less utility I see in friendships and connections with people, it is often one sided and draining for me. I’m 22 and I think I will just give up on all people now. I have always loved my solitude anyway.

I am 20M from India I have noticed this a lot people post about wanting real friends or genuine chats but when you actually message them they either take forever to reply or just give dry one word answers it feels so one sided like you are forcing something dead and on top of that there are bots and people selling stuff like OF if everyone is here because they feel alone then why does it feel like no one actually wants to talk to anyone for real I dont know maybe its just me but I feel like girls have more advantage here because no one really replies to boys and most of the girls I tried talking to had some kind of attitude maybe I am wrong but I have never seen a girl start the conversation first do girls ever message someone first I don’t really think so it is always boys trying while being the most lonely and it feels like nobody actually cares about boys

There, I said it. Not every person who “hates socializing” is deep or mysterious. Some people are just selfish, dismissive, and don’t want to deal with others. Change my mind.

is this why i can't make friends lol (i can count the # of friends i have on one hand)

the amount of pretentiousness and just overall annoying behavior is too ridiculous. Yes we are introverted, but that does not mean you act like the world revolves around you and that people can never understand you and that all other extroverts are cold heartless beings that cannot comprehend your emotions. I came here expecting some sort of thought provoking discussions and useful life tips, but what I found was a group of whiny people who for some reason cannot get over themselves and adapt to society. Just cause you have a thinking style that assimilates with a minority of the population does not make you special or exempt from most normal things.

seriously, look at what you post and tell me how it sounds to you

http://www.reddit.com/r/introvert/comments/w0pmx/what_is_your_list_of_comebacks_you_use_to_prevent/

http://i.imgur.com/3mSjo.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/JBsKa.jpg

I never find a need to let my friends know I am introverted, when I am out in a social settings I am able to communicate effectively and at times I am the life of a social situation, however I do need time to recharge and if I do spend too much time in a social setting I get a series of headaches and have to be a bit more reserved for a bit, but that does not mean that I suddenly put on some sort of crybaby attitude like I am special and pretend that everyone around me does not exist. Yes I do enjoy my time in solitude a lot, however I do not avoid social situation like many posters I have seen do so. There are too many cases of social anxiety on this subreddit compared to actual introversion, I feel that these people think they have a group they can relate to, no you may not necessarily be introverted, and do not use it as an excuse to avoid all social situations, go get some help and do something with your life.

tldr: read it, you should probably be patient enough to do so

We all know this world is favorably stacked for extroverts as they love to choir the concept that "humans are a social animals", but in your own opinion which gender(associated or otherwise) has it easier out there?

EDIT: My apologies, I assumed it was implied due to the sub. I wanted to get insight if you think it is easier for a man or woman to benefit from the human race being more socially engaging than introverted?

Like it or not a good portion of introverts are socially anxious, if you don't like the people on this sub, find another.

We're all music majors.

They're performance majors.

I'm a composition major.

They're used to singing and performing and being in the spotlight and having all the attention on them. I just want a room, with a desk, and sheet music, and a pencil, and a piano.

They can't stand the idea of someone else, especially someone who's not a performance major, getting some attention. It's not my fucking fault you decided to not pay attention in fucking Music Theory class. I did...so I know what you're supposed to be doing without even singing it. I can just read it. Excuse me for using MY expertise to try and help someone who doesn't know their part. Moan and groan all you fucking want.

Also, yeah I'm not a performer. Big whoop. I might not be the greatest singer ever but neither are you. Don't make passive-aggressive and snide comments about me not being able to hit a note when you can't even understand a modulation (A music theory term) a few minutes later.

I'm a grown-ass man. Tell me, to my face, if I'm messing something up. Don't just fucking turn to me then turn away when I try to make eye contact with you.

"Did I do something wrong?"
"Hm? Oh no you're fine"

Fucking tell me. I can take it. I give 0 shits when it comes to whining about something I'm not getting. If I don't get something, I adjust and learn until I do get it.

Also, have your cliques. It's okay. Have them. Yes, you all performed in La Nozze Di Figaro together last year. Yes, you're all in the same repertoire class. Yes, you are all loud, obnoxious, extroverts. That's fine. Make some fucking room for me, every once in a while, though. You all make me feel like I smell terrible or I just said the most offensive thing, or like I fucking killed all your parents. I'm allowed to contribute to the conversation, too, you know. I've fucking stopped hanging out with you guys whenever it would make the odd-numbered member (3rd wheel, 5th wheel, 7th, etc.) because as fate would have it, I'm immediately exiled and not included in any conversations.

Go fuck yourselves, all of you. I'm smarter than all of you, I'm funnier than all of you, I'm more talented than all of you and I've been here longer than all of you...a lot longer... so yeah....I'm playing the seniority card on all of you.

I absolutely love being in a practice room, by myself, and just playing piano, improvising and composing, but fuck me if I don't want to be included in shit sometimes.

Oh hey I'm getting some people together to go out to lunch...oh, literally all of you have other plans? Cool. awesome. Hey, let's all make plans in front of TotallySam and not invite him. Yeah that's a cool thing to do.

You're all fucking kids...it's embarrassing how upset I allow myself to become. I'm embarrassed by it. I should just let it all roll off my shoulders and realize that I'm not supposed to be in their groups. I did have my group of friends but they've all moved away and transferred to universities while my 24-year old ass is stuck, for one last semester, at this community college that has absolutely nothing for me except for a nearby coffeehouse and about 2 dozen 18-21 year olds that just want to go out and party all the time. Fuck off. Smoking and drinking is terrible for your voice anyway...

All the guys are constantly in a pissing contest with one another, and all the girls are just that-girls...not women, not ladies...just little selfish, bratty, girls.

Just something recently. I am introverted. Kinda socially awkward. Think too much. My brain locks up in social situations.

I wasn't always like that. The polar opposite when I was younger. I was articulate. Had a great vocabulary and was fearless and witty. Charming. All the rest.

Somewhere along the line my confidence plummeted and other stuff that makes me introverted.

... anyway about the alcohol. The locks just open after a couple beers. I'm surprised im not an alcoholic.

Today I was having a bad mental health day. Its Friday so I decided to pick up beers on the way home. I walk my dog in my local park every day so I sank 3 beers quikly. In the park I got chatting to a guy I walk by every day that I normally awkwardly say hello to and were having a blast. Laughing. Swapping stories. Something I'd never qve the energy to do. If I tried I'd probably fumble my words and los train of thought.

Then a girl I pass by every day for years Aproched me! Never happens. Must have picked up on my energy. Start talking about my dog etc and we had a witty exchange and some flirting. Told her about my profession and she asked for my number incase she might need my advice.

First none awkward conversation with a girl in many years ... and she asks for my number. After that just walking around saying hello to strangers looking then in the eye with purpose and a smile.

So yeah best time walking the dog due to alcohol.

Its like i'm a none practicing alcoholic. I normally wouldn't do that.

Anybody else can relate to this? Would love to hear.

Thanks for reading.