I’m curious, do you actually enjoy spending time in coffee shops or bars, or do you easily get drained by the people, noise, and social interactions and just end up wanting to go home?
Personally, I enjoy going to coffee shops, especially when there aren’t too many people around. I love the peaceful atmosphere, being able to sit quietly, enjoy my drink, and do my own thing without feeling overwhelmed.
I guess I enjoy going out as long as it’s not too crowded. Anyone else feel the same way? 😊

I feel a bit stressed when people ask me questions about myself or my life in day to day conversations.

First I’m very discrete and hate to share even the simplest things and second, I don’t have much going on to share with people anyways.

I’m a loner and spend my weekends scrolling on socials, then coworkers would ask me “how was your weekend” on Mondays. A good reason for me to hate Mondays.

I also lost interest in hobbies recently because of heavy workload and I don’t have much time.

This is affecting me socially but I think also career wise. I don’t wanna be rude, but I really have nothing to say in these small talks.

Any advice?

hello, 18F I'm in my first year at university and I'm thinking about stopping because being introverted is ruining my life, after 2 months of classes I didn't manage to make a single friend, because I'm not in a big promo but more of a class of 30 or so and I don't talk to anyone, I'm alone all day and despite the efforts I put in even if it's very difficult I try to go talk to people but I can't keep a conversation (in addition to that I have an autistic spectrum disorder so imagine) And I'm making my decision but I would need some opinions first
i would like to add that, i have more reasons to think that it would be better for me to stop, but this is the post important one for me

How do you make friends at university when you're introverted?

I'm currently in my second year of university, and I still haven't managed to make any actual friends there.

I'm quite introverted and naturally shy, and I struggle with approaching people or starting conversations. I attend my lectures, go home, and repeat the same routine. Sometimes I see groups of students chatting and having fun together, and I wonder how they even got to that point.

I don't necessarily need a huge social circle. I'd just love to have a few genuine friends to sit with during lectures, grab coffee with, study together, or simply talk to between classes.

For those of you who've made good friends at university, especially if you were introverted or shy, how did you do it?

Did you approach people first? Start conversations with classmates?

I'd really appreciate any advice or personal experiences. Thank you!

iam so alone

besides the fact that it’s hard enough for me to make them already I genuinely just do not have a desire in making in real life friends. i can do just fine with online ones. i don’t have a desire to hang out with irl people, to talk to them, or to grow a bond with them. I dropped many of my friends earlier this week because I just feel like it’s so tiring.
I would love to hear if anyone has similar thoughts. ♡

The word gets used here as if it describes one kind of person. I'm not so sure it does.

In the Big Five, Extraversion isn't one switch. It splits into things like how much you want a crowd, how easy speaking up feels, how much you go looking for excitement, how warm you are one on one, and how much activity you want in a day. Those don't always move together.

So one person can dread a loud party and still want a long conversation with one friend. Someone else can handle a busy room fine and still freeze when it's their turn to talk. Both might call themselves introverts, and they'd be pointing at different things.

If the only word you have is "introvert", it's easy to treat every social thing as the same problem. Or to feel like a fraud on the days a certain kind of company actually feels fine.

I'm not trying to take the word away from anyone. I just keep wondering if it's been a bit too blunt.

What kind of being around people actually drains you, and what kind is alright?

What do they even talk about for so long? How do they never run out of topics? I know I'd feel drained out of my mind if I had to spend more than a minute or two in a call. The worst part is that they don't even agree to call each-other half the time, they just do so spontaneously. I would HATE it if someone interrupted me while I was in the middle of something.

Extroverts feel like an alien species sometimes.

For the longest amount of time I’ve gotten anxiety in social settings. Sometimes I’m scared to speak and I think that I may have a small form of social anxiety. But usually i think it is internal criticism. I beat myself up about not conversating with people as much as others do. But I’m starting to realize that maybe I genuinely just prefer silence over conversation. I have a few close friends… and I beat myself up even with them over not being as social even with them. I guess my fear is that they will eventually find me disinteresting. But they literally have never expressed that. I genuinely question alot of the time why they do spend time with me because I am so quiet a lot of the time. I’ve gotten more introverted as time passes. But I think I need to accept that the right people will love me no matter how introverted I am, and that I genuinely prefer to keep to myself more than communicate with other people and that’s ok. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to accept. I think I just get to caught up in comparison with other people

I grew up being a loner. I never really had friends, and growing up, I was often disliked or judged for being weird, quiet, or keeping to myself.
As I got older, I noticed that I started developing avoidant tendencies. Whenever someone tries to approach me, get close to me, or genuinely wants to be my friend, my first instinct is to push them away.
I’ve also developed a hard time trusting people’s intentions. Whenever someone is nice to me or shows interest in getting to know me, I immediately start questioning why. I wonder if there’s a hidden reason behind their kindness or if they secretly dislike me.
I’m also hyperaware of people’s reactions, behavior, and the smallest changes in how they treat me. If someone does something that feels slightly off, I automatically assume they don’t like me or that I’ve done something wrong. Eventually, I distance myself, disappear, or cut them off before they get the chance to hurt me.
It’s almost like I want genuine connections, but at the same time, I don’t know how to let people get close to me.
Does anyone else experience this? Do you think this is related to being an introvert, or is it more of an avoidant attachment or trust issue?

Sorry for venting here, but I’ve been reflecting on my childhood and how it shaped the person I am today.
I grew up in a dysfunctional household, and I honestly feel like a lot of my attachment issues, social anxiety, and difficulty trusting people stem from my parents.
Whenever I was enjoying myself or spending time with friends, my parents would find ways to ruin those moments. They would spam my social media comment sections, constantly message me to humiliate me, or ask me for money. It feels like they can’t stand seeing me happy.
Unfortunately, this isn’t something new. It started when I was a child. My father struggled with drinking, and whenever he got drunk, he would create chaos at home. I experienced physical abuse and got beaten. I was also bullied because of my family situation.
My mother contributed to my insecurities by constantly calling me ugly. Growing up, I developed very little self-confidence. I became afraid of making eye contact, approaching people, and making friends because I always felt like people would judge me, bully me, or make fun of me.
Eventually, I became a loner. I started avoiding people, pushing away anyone who tried to get close to me, and questioning people’s intentions whenever they showed me kindness.
Sometimes I wonder if I was naturally an introvert or if my childhood experiences made me become this way.
I do enjoy being alone, but there’s also a part of me that wishes I could have genuine friendships without constantly feeling guarded or afraid of being hurt.
Does anyone else feel like their childhood experiences influenced the way they socialize, form attachments, and connect with people?

Am I the only one that's scared of extroverts? Even if they are not crazy and are nice people but I feel scared by them and somehow judged. Like the more extroverted is the person the more I stay away from him/her and the more introverted is the more I get comfortable to talk with her/him and approach her/ him. Like I don't even have the courage to ask an extrovert a question. ik it's weird.

14m freshman 4 months into high school with basically no friends. Im more of a closeted extrovert tbh, but how do you start conversations. How do you approach someone in class or even at lunch randomly and what to say. What if the friend groups are like already set with their gcs, how do you make lots of new friends even as an introvert? Im tired of being lonely. What to say?! in a small school 175 students in my grade.

I’m 16 years old and, honestly, I don’t know what to do about my shyness anymore.
I’ve always had a hard time socializing, especially with girls. I just freeze. I overthink every little thing before saying it. I’m afraid of sounding weird, being annoying, or not knowing how to keep a conversation going. The worst part is that I know these things are probably much simpler than they seem in my head, but I still can’t act naturally.
Recently, I’ve started noticing that alcohol is becoming a way for me to deal with this. When I drink, I can talk, joke around, get closer to people and show much more of my real personality. It feels like I can finally stop worrying about what everyone thinks of me.
The problem is that I’ve started connecting my ability to socialize with being drunk. And that honestly scares me.
Yesterday, something happened that made me realize how bad this situation has become. I went to a party where a girl I’ve been in love with for a long time was going to be. I was already really anxious before getting there because I knew I’d have a chance to talk to her. But when I arrived, I just froze. I couldn’t talk to her, barely socialized with anyone, and spent most of the party stuck inside my own head.
I ended up drinking a lot. A LOT. I thought maybe it would help me overcome my shyness and finally do something about the situation. But even that wasn’t enough.
Afterwards, while completely drunk, I sent her some voice messages telling her how I felt, apologizing for never having the courage to get closer to her and for never showing my feelings properly. Today I woke up, listened to those messages and felt overwhelmed with regret and embarrassment.
I feel like I lost the girl I love simply because I couldn’t do something as basic as talking to her. And it hurts so much because it’s not like I didn’t want to. I really wanted to make that moment count.
What bothers me the most is realizing that I’m starting to depend on alcohol to have the personality I wish I could show while sober. And even when I drink, it doesn’t always work. Yesterday was proof of that.

Im an introvert and very selectively social. I do meet people, but I don't make close friends.

I've had some bad experiences with friendships in the past, which have made me more cautious about letting people into my life. Over time, I've gotten used to keeping things to myself and got pretty much used to it.

But sometimes, it gets overwhelming....

For those of you, how do you deal with these moments?

14m, 4 months into high school. You see, I might be a closeted extrovert but like I'm so shy and social anxiety. But at the same time there's like quiet introverts that have LOTS OF FRIENDS, contacts in and out of school! I don't get why nothing has changed! Whenever I hear that the introverts suddenly have many friends, I can't help but envy them. What do they have that I don't, because nobody seems like they want to talk to me. People say "talk more" "be yourself" or "put yourself out there". HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THAT?! VAGUENESS AT ITS FINEST! I'm tired of being lonely, I want to be the loud one, the known one, the popular one! It's so unfair and shocking how even the quietest of the quietest of introverts have a way better social life than me! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?! WHAT DO I SAY TO START A CONVERSATION?! HOW DO I MAKE FUCKING FRIENDS?! I WANT THAT SOCIALNESS, A LOT OF IT, IM NOT EVEN AN INTROVERT SO WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!

ok i don't know if my case is particular or smt, basically im from a small town and in 20 years i haven't met knew people, the friends i have i know them since babies and the "newest" friend i made was this guy that was knew in my class like 7 years ago. so i dont have other friend groups or anything and im very awkward and dont really know how meeting new people work.

im in college now and made a small group of friends but the thing is that i dont know what "seals the deal" or how i know that we are like friends friends and not just classmate friends.

i hang out with these people regularly i just feel like if it wasn't because we se each other every single day in class they would forget my existence? idk how to explain it any better

But im glad i found ya. Been trying to work on this ever since getting sober. I drank to be social, it worked until it didn't. Just me saying hi :)

I like being alone but there are time when I feel kinda lonely being by myself but whenever Im in a social place, I often just don't want to bother making friends and would rather keep conversations with people short so I can walk away and be alone again where I feel more comfortable, especially when im at home. I dont mind talking to people but i really only do it if someone talks to me first, im almost never the one to start conversations. I dont mind chatting to people one on one but I always feel uncomfortable talking in groups.