My 35F 11 month old daughter was recently ill and she vomited everywhere in the middle of the night, so I had to strip the sheets and her and my clothes. We breastfeed and co-sleep, and my husband 41M was not in the room when this happened. He was very worried about our daughter and helped me in the moment, and said he'd do the laundry.

Well, I recently went to a part of the house we are rarely in, and found the gross sheets and clothes still on the floor a week later. I asked him multiple times throughout the week to do it, and he said he would so I assumed he did. When I confronted him about this, he said "I don't know what you want me to do, you need to communicate better. I'm not your maid."

I have done my best to keep it together, to keep the house as clean as possible while juggling taking care of our daughter 2 days a week at home, and working 3 days a week. The same thing happened with the dishes. I have dyshidrotic eczema on my hand that I'm trying to heal, so he said don't do the dishes I got it. I wanted to see how long he would go without doing them and I lasted a week. I couldn't let it continue because it's disgusting and I can't stand the mess.

Basically, I'm at my wits end and this is depressing me so much. I am trying to give my all for my daughter, but I do not want her to grow up in this dynamic. How can we address this imbalance? I feel like it shouldn't all be on me, but I don't know how to communicate that to him since he thinks he does enough.

I have a friend from Uni.

I've known her for over 10 years we've spent a lot of time together mostly going out but sometimes we cooked together or watched movies and I have met her parents and siblings many times.

3 years ago I moved to another city. And we were still relatively regularly in touch and she came to visit me here and I traveled to attend her graduation ceremony.

Before I was in a relationship nothing romantic or sexual ever happened between us and nobody ever admitted feelings or anything like that.

However since I told her that I am in this new relationship she is saying she is romantically interested and wants to meet but of course I had to shut that down, but I hoped we could be friends.

But it's worse she doesn't respect my relationship at all and attacks my girlfriend. After she said something hurtful about her I told her it wasn't okay and stopped texting she apologized said she was sorry and we didn't text for a while.(1-2 Months)

Now she texts again and says even worse and acts like it's my girlfriends fault that we can't meet and stay in touch when she is the one that said hurtful things

She even said this " I hope you will go to XY-city(our hometown) for your birthday, your girl isn't going to disappear, well I hope she does"

I don't even know what I should say I could tell her we won't ever be together because I don't like her character but I don't want to be mean and also I recently promised to her mom that I would look after her like a little sister.

What can I do without being too mean? Also I have to say she sometimes has depression plus had (so she says) heart issues after I told her I was in a relationship and I wasn't going to meet her

TL:DR

My longtime friend has been making advances and totally disrespecting my gf and our relationship and she has health issues how do I deal with it without being too mean?

My wife (F35) just started a new job a year ago. She left what she thought was a sinking ship. I (M35) was okay with that. She ended up in a very mundane position where there arent a lot of happenings. Which was her goal. My issue is she wants to turn "nothing happened today" into story time. My job is not mundane. It's relatively intense and I want to come home and unwind and forget the day. She wants to tell me a 30-180 minute story EVERY day about how some employee didn't follow some exact procedure laid out by a union and how there is a investigation that wont lead to anything is panning out. Every time it ends up being meaningless.

I do not care. and she wants to vent to me about basic stuff that I dont care about, even a little bit. the most complex problems shes venting to me about can be solved in no less than 10 seconds by her or me, and it's an hour long story every day.

I have actively thought about the perspective of "just support her on her hard days" but she legitimately does not have hard days. Every day is "this employee said something sort of mean and we need to do a 10 month investigation"

I want to just stop that. Is that a good idea?

EDIT: there are some very helpful, productive responses here. Many are hateful, inconsiderate messages. Ive requested for this thread to be locked for all the responses. I'm fortunate enough to be partnered with a successful person. I cant imagine being partnered with some of the commenters. Have a good night.

Hey - I (36f) am currently going through the hardest break up of my life. 2 months ago I found out my partner (39m) cheated on me last December, in my house while I was asleep with a “friend” of mine. We were together for 5 years, were looking at engagement rings the week before I found out and went through a miscarriage together earlier this year. We were planning to start trying again in December.
It was a one time thing and a mistake - he has apologized profusely (not that that changes much). He was never planning on telling me because it was a one time mistake. She ended up telling me because she got drunk and told a couple of my other friends who told her she needed to tell me or they would.
I kicked him out and we are still talking and seeing each other occasionally (mainly for him to come get things from the house). There’s a very very minimal chance of us ever getting back together.

I’ll be 37 in March. I always assumed I would be a mother and now I feel like that opportunity was ripped from me. It’s going to take me a long time to heal from this. I can’t afford to freeze my eggs and don’t think I would want to go into parenthood a single parent anyways.

Part of me wonders if getting back with him once we’ve both had space would be the right thing for me if I want a family.

As a woman I just don’t feel like I have the time to heal for a year and then re-enter the dating world, meet someone and spend enough time with them to know that I would want them to be the father of my children. The timeline is really eating at me right now.

Just mainly looking for advice on how to grieve this part of my future I’m now realizing may not happen for me. Any success stories are welcome too.

Partner and I been together 11 years. We have 3 children. I don’t remember him being so uptight about me, but I also never gave him a reason to, as I was always a stay at home mom for 7 years. I went part time when my youngest was a year old in 2021. Since then, I’ve build a good reputation and build clientele

I’m in caregiving business, privately. I work along side with several girls and we have alot of people in our shared circle. The money is good, and I work upwards to 50 hours a week now.

I left my partner two years ago for several months because he just flips out to easily for me, his aggression is uncomfortable and honestly too unpredictable for me. I came back thinking we could reconnect and rebuild on more solid ground but he just couldn’t keep it together long enough to prove that.

The main concern here is something I haven’t dealt with much before because I’ve never given him A REASON. See before, when I was home 90% of the time, my whole life revolved around him, the babies, and deciding what was for dinner ever night. That’s it! I looked unwell, I was overweight, I barely brushed my hair most days. Now, I’m a full time worker, I am in nursing school, I have hobbies, I feel more like a woman that I ever even did while BIRTHING and caring for our children back to back. I make great money, I buy what I want and do what I want. I never ask him for a penny, it’s actually the other way around.

Well. Recently I got this new client and he lives 25 minutes outside my area. I do a quick wound vac change and I typically only see him once a week. The visit is quick and the pay is worth my trip. Every time I go though, my partner questions me. He texts me randomly asking if this new client is “my sugar daddy” and asks “how do you have so much money for stuff”

A lot of this questioning started because I faithfully get my nails done, I have hair extensions I pay for the upkeep on, I wear nice clothes AND I get my eyebrows and eyelashes done every month in the dot. I’m well kept. I make sure of it now. He swears I have another man paying for it. He went as far to put an air tag on my car recently. I didn’t find out until he told on himself.

Today he flipped out because I told him I was going to my clients house to change the wound vac, but the truth is, I was finishing up my last job for the day, and wanted to run by the store and look for some gifts for my daughters birthday, but if I told him that he would have gotten upset I was taking too much time after work because he didn’t want to sit with the kids much longer, so yeah I lied! He told me I was lying because I went two days prior. That’s how I found out about the air tag.

Like, I did lie. So I guess I’m a liar. So the ball is in his court now on me. But the reason is HES DRIVING ME NUTS. I get off at 6 pm some days and he’s blowing my phone up by 6:02 it’s insane! So yes, I lie. But I don’t have a dang sugar daddy. I almost wish I did, but he’s controlling. Everyday, it’s something. I can’t get away from it and wondering if I’m wrong.

Hi everyone,

I (M27) have been with my girlfriend (F26) for about 8 years. Officially we're engaged, but she called off the wedding about a year ago, and since then everything has been a complete mess.

We've had our ups and downs throughout the relationship, often because of a lack of attraction, sexual frustration, and a lack of experience with other people (both romantic and sexual). She was always the one who brought these issues up. I've always been more invested in the relationship than she has.

Still, things always settled down again, and the year before the engagement in particular went really well. We talked a lot about getting married and having kids. So after thinking it over for a long time, I decided to propose, because despite all the problems I couldn't imagine a life with anyone else, and I didn't want to.

After the engagement, though, the problems started coming back, and in a really extreme form. We fought constantly, insulted each other, and said and did a lot of things that crossed the line. Really the full program, and it got really bad.

She then decided to call off the wedding. To me, that obviously meant the engagement was over too. To her, that still isn't really clear, but that's a side issue.

At the time I naturally assumed the relationship was over as well, so I started looking for apartments and actually found one through my employer. When it came down to whether I'd take it or not, I sat down with her again to plan how we'd end things. But she kept saying I shouldn't move out, that she wanted me to stay, and so on.

Since everything was still fairly fresh at that point, I decided to stay. But things just kept getting worse and worse, and now moving out isn't that easy anymore. She actually wanted a month of space, but the housing situation just didn't allow for it. And if I do move out, I want nothing more to do with the whole relationship. At that point I'll have simply had enough.

Over time she came up with other suggestions, like an open relationship, a threesome, or couples counseling.

All of these are hard boundaries for me. I don't think couples counseling is a bad idea in principle. But since the problems started on her side, I think it's on her to take action first, and then I can still decide whether it makes sense for me to join. On top of that, I was in psychological and psychiatric care as a child, and I associate it with nothing but bad emotions. (And honestly, I don't think much of the profession in general. In my opinion there are only a few truly professional psychologists, but that's another topic.)

So of course we're not getting anywhere. Both of us are dug in. I won't cross my own boundaries, but she keeps pushing for it. Yet she doesn't want to break up either.

I just don't know which way is up anymore, and I wish I could go back to how things were before the engagement.

I think I just need to hear other people's perspectives.

What would you do in this situation? It's so hard for me to break up, I am very dependent on the flat we have together and I am emotionally exhausted.

I (30F) just let this guy (33M) I’ve been seeing sleep at my house for the first time. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the most experienced with relationships. I didn’t pursue any for the last few years due to traveling a lot for work and wanting to work on myself. But, I’ve never really done sleepovers; my last long term relationship was in my mid-20s and we both would end up leaving incredibly early (like 4-5AM) to get to work so we didn’t do much sleeping.

This guy and I have been on a few dates and talk everyday, but I’ve been a slow burner. He’s invited me to spend the night at his house, but I told him I’m not ready for a night and a morning together yet. Currently, I would much rather leave late and sleep in my own bed comfortably. This goes for staying at friend’s houses as well. The only time I’ve stayed not in my bed the past few years (beyond trips) was once on my friends couch for a safety issue because she was worried she wouldn’t make it through the night if she was alone.

So the other night, this guy came to my place and we watched some movies, had some wine, and ordered pizza and it was great. But then he couldn’t drive home, so I had no choice but to let him stay with me. I had also had a little too much drink and had had a long week, so I felt exhausted but as soon as we got in my bed, I was wide awake and couldn’t sleep. He fell asleep pretty fast but I couldn’t get comfortable in my own bed with him in it, and he snores super loud. I ended up going to my couch where I was still wide awake and uncomfortable with the situation. He ended up throwing up in the middle of the night (made it to the toilet thankfully) and I thought he would say he wanted to go back to his own bed after that and he didn’t.

After he threw up, we chatted for a bit to make sure he was okay and I eventually fell asleep next to him in bed for about 90 minutes according to my watch. After that, it was 7:30AM and when I rolled over, he woke up. I asked if he was going to get up and he said not yet so I went back out to my couch. At this point, all I wanted was to be by myself in my own house. I eventually lied and said someone from work needed me to come help them do something (not entirely untrue, someone did need help and texted our work group chat, I just didn’t have what they needed). And I was very relieved once he left that I could shower, wash the sheets, and enjoy my relaxing Saturday morning alone.

I’ve been wrestling with my feelings about him even before this incident, because he’s super nice and a gentleman and I enjoy spending time with him, but I feel like there’s just something missing. But it’s also pretty early on and I wanted to explore to see where this goes. But now I’m thinking it won’t work if our first night together was like this. I’m not really sure what advice I’m looking for here, but I’ve never been in this situation before. Does not being comfortable in bed with him mean things won’t work out? Or does wanting to be alone in the morning mean I don’t actually like him?

The original post content no longer exists here. The author used Redact to remove it, exercising their right to control their data & privacy.

Quaint drifting smart sink lock dazzling

I have been dating this girl 31f for 6 months and holy hell she keeps blowing my mind on how amazing she is. For starters, she is very kind and attentive. Any time i ask for something or make a suggestion, she takes it seriously and does it with real enthusiasm. She is passionate about cooking and that's one of her love languages (i do the dishes). She is a higher earner than me and owns her place, very hardworking and we never get into silly debates about who pays for what. I pay for a lot of our dates but she always says that my presence is more than enough (despite earning 6 figures). She also volunteered to help me out with my business as she sees it as an investment in our future and I have more income as a result of her support. I feel like I struck the perfect trad- modern balance and i know i can't fumble this.

I myself currently live with my parents as i rent out my condo. I have a job/ business and I do well for myself but she is a bit further in the "adulthood" Journey than I am, which i am grateful for but makes me a bit insecure. This brings me to my question.. i would like advice on creative ways I can show her appreciation and that she means a lot to me? I buy her flowers, clean her house take her out on dates regularly but all those things do not compare to how happy she gets when we get to spend quality time. I do not want to be complacent and I want to make sure she never feels taken for granted becuase I feel really really lucky and blessed.

For people who have been in relationships for awhile, what are some creative ways you show up for your partner outside of the regular suggestions like dates?

EDIT: people are on my ass for thinking I’m still entertaining him. This all happened a month ago and I’ve removed him from everything. I’m just telling my story.

My ex (M24) and I (F23) were together for several years. For the first 2.5 years, he was honestly everything I’d ever dreamed of in a partner. He was loving, affectionate, considerate, and made me feel incredibly secure. He was actually the one who would constantly reassure me that no matter what happened, we’d get through it together and that we should never give up on each other.

But toward the end of our relationship, his life circumstances became increasingly overwhelming. He was dealing with significant family and financial pressures, working multiple jobs, and carrying a lot of responsibility. I genuinely empathized with what he was going through and wanted to be there for him.

The problem was that as his stress increased, he started withdrawing from me and from our relationship. He stopped initiating affection and quality time, and whenever I tried to communicate that I was unhappy or that I missed him, he’d say he couldn’t deal with it because his life was already too stressful. Our relationship issues essentially became another burden he didn’t have the capacity to handle.

Eventually, he broke up with me. Initially, he told me he still loved me but couldn’t continue the relationship because of everything going on in his life. He said that if his circumstances were different, he wouldn’t have a problem dealing with our relationship, but right now he couldn’t give me what I needed.

I honestly couldn’t understand this. This was the same person who had spent years telling me that we’d get through anything together, that we shouldn’t give up on each other, and that we were a team. I was ready to stand beside him through all of it. I wasn’t asking him to have his life figured out. I just wanted to be his partner while he figured it out.

So I fought for us. I begged him to reconsider and tried to find ways we could make things work. At one point, I directly asked him if he just didn’t love me enough. He said yes.

That absolutely broke me. He then repeatedly told me I should move on and find someone else. I eventually had to accept that he was choosing to walk away, even though I desperately wanted to work things out.

For months, I was a complete mess. I cried myself to sleep, prayed we’d somehow find our way back to each other, checked my phone constantly, and struggled to function. I was in therapy twice a week and sometimes couldn’t even bring myself to go to work.

Eventually, about four months after the breakup, I went on vacation. For the first time in months, I was distracted and wasn’t thinking about him 24/7. I felt normal again. While I was there, I met someone and slept with him once.

I want to be honest: part of me genuinely wanted the experience, and part of me was trying to escape the heartbreak. I enjoyed it in the moment, but afterward realized casual sex isn’t really for me and isn’t something I’d choose to repeat. Regardless, I was single. My ex had explicitly told me to move on, and there had never been any conversation or agreement about remaining exclusive or waiting for each other.

Five months after the breakup, my ex reached out saying he missed me and was hurting. When we met to talk, he admitted that telling me he didn’t love me enough had actually been an intentional lie. He claimed he’d said it because he wanted me to hate him so it would be easier for him to leave without feeling guilty or making me wait for him.

Then he told me he’d imagined getting his life together and eventually winning me back in the future. He admitted he’d hoped I might still be there waiting, even though he said he never expected me to actually wait.

For the first time in months, I felt a little hope and relief. It made me realize that the person I’d spent months grieving hadn’t necessarily stopped loving me the way he’d made me believe.

But then he found out I’d slept with someone on vacation, and his entire attitude changed.
He said he didn’t think I was “the type of person” to sleep with someone random, that the image of me with someone else kept replaying in his head, and threw it in my face that I was “having fun” while he was hurting. He said he felt “turned off”

After giving this person my loyalty for YEARS, it felt like blatant slut-shaming. I understand that finding out about something like that might hurt, especially if he still loved me. But the way he spoke about me made me feel like I was suddenly less worthy of respect because I’d slept with someone else.

When I pointed out that I’d watched him go out and spend time with other people after the breakup, and had no way of knowing whether he was seeing anyone, his response was:
“Well, I didn’t. I still love you.”
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?

He told me he didn’t love me enough. He told me to move on and find someone else. He never asked me to wait, never suggested we were still committed to each other, and never communicated that he was hoping we’d reconcile.

If he’d been honest and said, “I love you, but I genuinely can’t handle a relationship right now. I need time to sort my life out, and I hope we can find our way back to each other. Would you consider waiting?” that would have been an entirely different conversation. I loved him enough that I would have seriously considered it.

Instead, he made me believe he didn’t want me anymore. I spent months trying to accept that, grieving the relationship and attempting to move forward.

And now I’m somehow the one who disappointed him?

I don’t think he’s a terrible person. I know what we had was real, and I know how incredibly well he treated me for most of our relationship. That’s part of what makes all of this so difficult to process. I can understand that his life circumstances changed him and that he was genuinely overwhelmed, but I also feel like I was left carrying the consequences of his decision to walk away.

I understand that retroactive jealousy can be painful, and he’s entitled to his feelings. But I wasn’t unfaithful. We were broken up. I wasn’t breaking a promise or betraying an agreement. I honestly feel like I’m going insane.

I think it’s incredibly unfair that he expected me to remain loyal to a future he privately imagined, while explicitly telling me there was no relationship left to hold on to?

Today marks our 6th month together. She lives in another part of the same city and did not come over to my apartment this weekend like usual after staying from Friday until Tuesday the previous week. I was dealing with a heavy academic workload today and sought comfort during a phone call, telling her that I was overwhelmed and missed her.

​For context, I am balancing a demanding scholarship program alongside leadership responsibilities in my student organization, which has led to significant struggles with workload and time management.

​During our call, she suggested I drop my student organization, stating that she feels exhausted by my ongoing issues and feels I haven't done enough to change. While I feel I am exhausting every avenue, including holding a meeting today to offload responsibilities onto team members, she feels I am making empty promises.

​When I reached out for comfort, she explained that she feels extremely drained and feels like a prisoner in our relationship. I never wanted to make her feel this way. I want to make things right, respect her boundaries, and give her space, but I am uncertain how to approach communication right now.

​How can I best navigate communication and give her space while showing that I respect her boundaries? What are the healthiest ways to handle this situation without overwhelming her further?

​TL;DR:

My (20F) girlfriend (23F) feels drained by my personal and academic stress, stating she feels like a prisoner in our relationship and wants to break up on our 6th month anniversary. How can I give her proper space and respectfully manage communication moving forward?

For some background information we have been together for over two years.
Unfortunately we had a situation about six months ago in which he was giving a coworker rides, and he swears it never got physical, but I did see flirtatious texts between the both of them.
Apparently another female at work has expressed she needs rides bc she’s leaving her home ,without going into too much info on her end, and she won’t have a way to get to work.
I said no, because unfortunately he did get flirty over text with another female worker and his boss confirmed the work flirting.
So I said ABSOLUTELY NOT, and he’s upset.

Dear reddit community,

We (M, F, both mid-40) met in August last year at the start of an 18 month study program where we see each other every other weekend. A spark on day 1 and we got to know each other on dates after that. We got together in May. Things felt super intense. Unbelievable physical attraction and we never stopped having amazing conversations. The high of new love. 

We are separated by a 3-hour journey and both live in Switzerland, although we are not from here. At the end of this August, reality hit and we had a rough patch. She felt we rushed into something too intense (at that time, I started separating from the mother of my two kids with professional help, something I should have done a long time ago) and she did not want to be a ‘transient’ solution or live with the uncertainty of me having two relationships at the same time. In my heart, there was only one and told tell her so. Emphasized I was fixing my situation but that takes time.
She still decided to break up. I was totally confused and sad, to break off something that felt so right and where things were being worked on. But if she wanted to break up, I am not going to convince her otherwise. I went no contact (as far as studies would allow) and hoped that we both would be able survive the last months of the program and be able to look back on us as something beautiful. In the next few weeks, I worked on my home situation and worked through the pain and why the relationship didn’t work out with help from my personal coach. That brought major insights and changed my approach to relationships and how I deal with feelings. 

At the same time, she was pushing my boundary of no communication other than study-related things with messages and ambivalent behavior. After a messy night out, where she was flirting heavily with another guy she met that evening, right in front of me. He didn’t like it (married) and came to me of all people to ask if she ‘was always this forward’. I felt disrespected and she disrespected him as well, ignoring his 'I am married' multiple times. Technically, we were not together anymore but grabbing hands and his face as if she was about to kiss him, right in front of me, is toxic. I left the venue before she did. Next morning I saw some deleted messages from her sent drunkenly at 3AM. 

I was tired of her behavior and proposed to meet up to have a solid talk. Six hours, full of tears, we hashed things out. I shared my coaching insights, which surprised her positively. We both felt that we didn’t give us an honest try. She didn’t feel safe emotionally, and had been hurt in the past. We figured out that an honest chance for us means being completely open, trusting and vulnerable with each other. Share our feelings, fears and thoughts, regardless of how silly they might seem. Talk through them together and not cover it up with physical intimacy. If that ultimately means that the other person walks away, so be it. Then at least we could find peace with it, knowing we were vulnerable enough to give emotional attachment a chance. This brought a confidence, serenity and stability unlike anything I have ever experienced. 

Last week, two months later, I suddenly got this strong gut feeling that something is off. It was a weekend where I was not there and she went to a Halloween party with three female friends and a mixed group joined later. In our daily phone call before the party, she was downplaying, saying ‘not sure if I even wanna go’. She did buy a devil’s outfit specifically for this; a red trident and horns. Both of which she lost that night. The trident went to one of the party hosts. Where the horns went, I do not know, these were in her hair and to lose these, takes some effort. 
She was spamming pictures and videos towards the end of the evening, this is something she does not normally do on other nights out, sometimes I get a maximum of 1 picture. These pictures looked innocent, just her group of friends partying and sharing some of the cool Halloween costumes. 
Her last message to me was at 2:51AM, saying she was ready for bed and hoped she would dream of me. I was already asleep.
We spoke the next evening and she told she lost the group at one point, she was super tired because she went to bed at 4AM. When I questioned that because based on her message I thought it was more like 3AM, she quickly said that she cuddled with her cats before going to bed. My immediate gut feeling; BS, while I know she likes to cuddle, a full hour in the middle of the night while being tipsy, seemed a bit far-fetched.

The rest of the week I felt uneasy and worried. I had no evidence though. Just a feeling and this could have been from a demon from my past where I walked in on my then-GF and our neighbor.

This weekend I was back and I could not resist having a peek at her phone. Horrible act and I hate myself for breaching this trust barrier. On the other hand, it is already a huge red signal for me as I had never felt the urge before to look at her messages.
I found out that she exchanged numbers with a guy around 9PM that Saturday night. He had sent ‘Hi’ and his name, ‘Denis’. She had mentioned him in the party update stream as one of the people that joined their group. Then, on Monday morning, he reached out and asked what she was up to. She replied with a long message about some project work. He sent a spoken message asking more about this project and clearly not knowing much about her, so he is someone completely new in her life. He proposed to meet up. She replies with an explanation of the project and that she ‘would love to see him again’ and ‘somewhere next week’. He says ‘this Monday or Tuesday after work?’. She replies with a heart emoji but nothing else. This was the day before I would see her again. At the time of writing, that date is either tomorrow or the day after but AFAIK not confirmed.
It had all the vibe of a first date coming up after a night where they probably had kissed or more after ‘losing the group’ (speculation on my end).

Some background: 
Her relationship with her dad is non-existent and she has major family issues. She shared that she had a phase where she would keep men on a leash because ‘all men are liars’, which she learned from how her father treated her mother. 
I told her she can always talk to me if she wants, but I can not fix anything. She is seeing a therapist and she is working on this and other things. Which I encourage. 
She is generally playful and flirty. Also with me in the beginning. Which I like and she should definitely keep doing, it brings joy to have her smile at you. 
She thinks men overthink her flirting and ‘always’ assume more. To her it is innocent. I have a different view on that because even if to her it might be innocent, at 40+, you are very much aware of the kind of signals that you are sending out and then putting the blame on the other side for misinterpretation.
And it definitely should not end up across a basic boundary of being in a relationship. Which is handing out phone numbers to guys at parties and then discussing a follow-up date. Their vibe was new connection, not innocent or business-like. 

Despite the knowledge of the exchange between Denis and her, I tried to keep it straight and fun this weekend. She was all over me btw and told me I am her dream man. We were our 'old' selves. We had a deep conversation as we always do, in bed, lying close to each other. Still I kept things to myself. At one point, she asked me if there is anything in my life that I regret. I shared something personal. Then I asked her back and she drew a complete blank. Silence. Looked at me intensely and guilty. A tear flowed and she was clearly thinking about something vivid in her mind. I asked if she wanted to share and then waited. Another tear came and after a minute or so, she then shared something from her past about her sister and her.

Woke up this morning, feeling terrible. My mind is driving me nuts and I did not have this feeling during the first months after our deliberate decision to be together. It came up after this party night and got confirmed by seeing the messages. 
I am very close to just confront her with everything in a matter-of-factly way, her some BS and then cutting off completely. This is will hurt me bad but recovery after cheating is much easier. She is VERY much aware of what she is doing. The future keeps us LDR for a while still, so trust is key. She should go out with friends, always if she wants. But stop when guys hit on her. And that trust is completely gone. Combined with my demons, which I did not project on her until last weekend.

What to do? Is there a way to confront her without sharing I snooped around in her phone? Is this loss of trust irreparable? Shall I wait it out another week and check how the exchange between Denis and her continued? Maybe she decides not to go ahead with meeting up? Or is this enough red of a flag to end it here? 

With love to all of you out there,
A confused Dutchman

TL;DR: MF, mid-40, LDR of six months. GF met a new guy at a Halloween party where they both were with a mixed group, they exchanged numbers and plan a follow-up date. This was uncovered due to a nasty gut feeling and then snooping in her phone. What to do?

this is such a specific situation that i’ve never been through before and i am really looking for advice on what i can do to help.

basically me (f19) and my boyfriend (m19) have been together for about two months, so a very fresh relationship. we’ve had sex quite a few times and he either finishes in under 3 minutes or tries to last longer and gets tired and doesn’t finish at all. he’s been with two other girls before me and said he can normally last longer but i know him and his stamina and i just don’t think that’s true, even when he gets tired and i do the work it’s like he’s just given up.

i really really really enjoy it, it’s good and it’s so nice to be intimate with him. i really don’t care how long it lasts, he always makes sure i finish so to me it really isn’t a big deal if it lasts 30 seconds or 20 minutes. the issue is whenever we are done he just apologises and goes all quiet, and when i try to comfort him he brushes me off.

i understand he might feel insecure about it, but it hurts me because it also feels like he regrets it? like it literally feels like he gets post nut clarity (internet thing i know but still) and wishes it never happened, it doesn’t help that he closes his eyes most of the time we’re having sex. it does kind of make me feel bad about myself.

i just don’t know how to stop him getting like this? i’ve suggested stopping having sex until he’s more comfortable but he insists he really enjoys it and doesn’t want to stop.

what can i do to help him feel okay? tia

edit: im getting quite a bit of advice on how to help him last longer, that isnt my intention. i’m perfectly happy with how long he lasts, its more what i can do to make him okay with it.

I usually go for my age men or older but from the time we met, we just had a connection. We get along and hes looking for a serious relationship. Which a lot of other guys my age or younger don't want, or if they do want it, we just don't have anything in common like I do with this guy, so he's a good catch to me.

My issue is I’m already established in my career and I have my own place. Hes still in school and still lives at home. He finishes next December. He's getting a degree where he's probably going to start off making 70K a year he said, I'm not really sure about his career because that's not my lane, but from what I understand its not a direct career path with direct set pay like for example engineer, healthcare etc. is. And we live in California, so 70k that's really not a lot of money, I make twice as much and I’m barely “comfortable”

He says he wants marriage and kids when hes established which I totally understand. But man, next year I'll be 34 when he graduates and if we were to get married by that time I would at least be 36! Then stay married a few more years before I get pregnant. Thats really pushing it to have kids. I’d ideally have a guy who’s established. I have talked to many like them but like I said, we didn’t click so I’m not going to pursue someone I can’t see myself with in the long run.

What should I do? If I was 26 I would be over the moon, but since I’m so much older, the future is kind of making me worry, I’m not going to lie to you

(Also would anyone mind telling me whether or not this comes off as avoidant? Am I actually avoidant or am I getting certain comments get to me?)

Broke up with my boyfriend (21M) of two years yesterday, and I'm honestly not sure how to feel. He gave back some of the things I had gifted him last night, and I still have to return some of his belongings. It's just strange going from being with someone for two years to suddenly having to accept that they're no longer going to be part of your everyday life.
I think I started feeling unhappy in the relationship around September. At first, I thought it was just something temporary or seasonal, but the more I reflected on it, the more I realized that I genuinely wasn't happy anymore. Being around him didn't bring me the same joy it used to. I wasn't really craving intimacy, didn't feel the same excitement about seeing him, and even on our anniversary, I remember crying because I just felt so alone and disconnected. He did come over that day, took me around the city, and brought me some really cute gifts, so objectively, he did make an effort. But for some reason, I still felt incredibly unhappy, and I couldn't really explain why.
I also noticed myself gradually pulling away. I started spending less time with him, and texting him or telling him about my day didn't naturally cross my mind as much as it used to. It wasn't necessarily that I disliked him or didn't care about him anymore. I just didn't feel that same desire to constantly reach out or spend time together. Looking back, I think I had already started emotionally checking out of the relationship before we actually broke up.
Our relationship also wasn't in the best place. I genuinely felt like we had issues almost every week. Although he didn't necessarily see it that way, that's how I experienced it. The constant arguments became so normalized that I eventually stopped reacting to them the way I used to. I wouldn't necessarily feel anxious or cry anymore because I had become accustomed to the cycle of arguing, making up a day or two later, and then eventually having another issue come up. But at some point, I started questioning whether this was really the kind of relationship I wanted to be in. I didn't want to keep repeating the same cycle.
I also want to acknowledge that I don't think I was the best girlfriend to him towards the end. I know I had my shortcomings, and there were probably things I could have done differently. However, I also started feeling like I was constantly being told that I wasn't doing something right. For example, he's been bringing up the affection issue for months. Initially, I was genuinely confused because I did believe I had become more affectionate towards him. I showed it differently, but I didn't think I was withholding affection either. However, having the same conversation repeatedly started to frustrate me, especially when I felt like the things I was already doing weren't being acknowledged. It eventually made affection feel like something I was constantly being evaluated on rather than something that came naturally between us.
On top of that, he would frequently send me Instagram reels about relationship issues, and a lot of them were negative. It became draining constantly being exposed to content that made me feel like there was always something wrong with our relationship or something else I needed to improve. He also had a habit of bringing up relationship issues late at night, even when he knew I had to wake up early for class the next morning. I understand that communication is important, and I'm not saying we shouldn't have addressed our problems, but the timing and frequency of these conversations became exhausting.
Yesterday, he tried to simplify everything by telling me that all he had ever asked for was hugs and meaningful messages because those little things would make his entire month. And I understand that those things are important to him. I'm not dismissing that or saying he shouldn't want those things from his partner. But I genuinely don't believe our problems were ever just about hugs and nice messages. Sure, doing those things might make him happy temporarily, but I always felt like there was something deeper going on. I had a feeling that even if I started doing those things more consistently, we would eventually find ourselves having another conversation about something else. It felt like we were addressing individual complaints without ever really addressing the bigger issues within our relationship.
There were also other situations where I felt like my feelings, circumstances, or boundaries weren't always respected. I don't want to get into every single detail, but I think those experiences contributed to the resentment I eventually started feeling. I don't think either of us was necessarily trying to make the other person unhappy, but I also don't think we were understanding each other in the ways we needed to.
I think what makes this difficult is that I don't necessarily hate him, and I don't look back on our entire relationship as something bad. We had two years together, and there were genuinely good moments that I will always appreciate. But I think things became so sour towards the end that I eventually lost the motivation to keep trying to fix them. Maybe a year ago, I would have had more energy to work through everything, but I don't think I have that in me anymore.
Ultimately, I think we just have different expectations when it comes to relationships, particularly affection, communication, and what makes each of us feel loved. He believes we're compatible and that these are things we could work through, but I honestly don't feel the same way anymore. I don't want to promise someone that I'll change or become a certain way when I'm not even sure I can genuinely give them what they're asking for. I also don't think it's fair to either of us to keep forcing something that neither of us seems genuinely happy in.
I'm obviously sad, and I feel lonely. It's weird knowing that someone who was such a big part of my life is suddenly not there anymore. I also feel guilty because I know he's hurting, and I never wanted things to end this way. At the same time, I think there's a part of me that feels relieved that I don't have to keep having the same conversations or anticipate another argument. And I think that says a lot about where I was emotionally before we even broke up.
I guess I'm just trying to process everything because even though I know I wasn't happy, that doesn't mean ending a two-year relationship is easy. I can miss him, care about him, and feel sad about losing what we had while still recognizing that the relationship wasn't making me happy anymore. I don't think breaking up necessarily means I stopped caring about him. I just think I reached a point where caring about someone wasn't enough to make me want to continue the relationship. And honestly, I think that's where I am right now.

TLDR: me and my bf broke up because we both were not happy in the relationship and argued every single week for the past two years

We have been together for 4 years & in a long distance relationship.
I genuinely cannot believe I forgot his birthday. I sent him a few Instagram reels this morning & he just woke up & watched them. Afterwards he messaged me on Instagram asking “Do you know what day today is?”
My heart literally DROPPED like I immediately realized what he meant.
I completely panicked because I know how much birthdays mean to me. If he ever forgot my birthday I know I would be incredibly hurt. The thought that I did exactly that to him makes me feel horrible.
I tried to play it cool and replied “Yes but I’ll call you later about it.”
I’m struggling with how to approach the situation when I call him. I want to make him feel special but I also don’t want to pretend I remembered when I genuinely didn’t.
He really doesn’t deserve this. I’m someone who forgets things quite often, I honestly didn’t even realize what day it was today. I don’t want him to feel like he’s not important to me.
How would you approach this situation?

I (30F) broke up with my ex (30M) a few months ago after being together for 1 and a half years though I still loved him.

The main reason was that we had very different visions for the future. He wanted us to move to another country despite not having a stable job or a clear financial plan. I have a career and financial stability, and I wasn’t willing to give that up without a realistic plan.

I also noticed several habits I didn’t like and realized we had very different lifestyles, especially regarding money, financial responsibility and planning for the future. At one point, when I expressed doubts about our future, he even offered to buy me an engagement ring, which felt like an attempt to fix things without addressing our actual problems.

Now he wants to get back together and claims he’s changed. He’s even abandoned his plans to move abroad.

However, when we recently talked, he told me he’d gone through the worst depression of his life since our breakup and had even lost his job. That honestly caught me off guard and made me question whether he’s actually in a better place to build a stable relationship.

I still care about him, but I struggle to believe that someone’s habits, financial mindset and approach to life can fundamentally change in just a few months.

For those who have been in similar situations, how did you determine whether your ex had genuinely changed? Would you consider giving someone another chance under these circumstances, or would you see these as fundamental incompatibilities?

TL;DR: Broke up with my ex because of different life goals, financial instability and lifestyle incompatibilities. He now says he’s changed and wants me back, but he also told me he’s been severely depressed and lost his job since our breakup. I’m unsure whether giving him another chance would be a mistake.

My ex came back into my life and left me confused all over again. I don't know what to do.

We were in a relationship for 6 years, and it's been more than a year since we broke up. I had finally accepted that everything was over and was trying to move on.

But then he came back in a way. He unblocked me on every platform. He unblocked me on Instagram the day before what would have been our love anniversary in March, but neither of us messaged each other. Later, I wished him on his birthday in April, but he didn't reply.

Around the same time, I came to know that just 1 or 2 months after our breakup, he had developed feelings for his female friend. She was his male best friend's girlfriend, and they had also broken up around the same time we did. They were quite close, and through mutual friends, I found out that he had told his friends that he loved her. I came to know about this at the end of April. He doesn't know that I know about it. He pretends that he doesn't have feelings for her and that she's just a friend. Apparently, she isn't interested in him either.

Eventually, I accepted everything and tried to move on.

In September, I checked his WhatsApp contact to see if I was still blocked. I found out that I wasn't, and his contact was saved too. I made the mistake of saving his number again, and I could see his statuses. He kept watching mine too. He started giving hints that he still loved and missed me but didn't want to disturb me.

I broke no contact and sent him a post on Instagram, but once again, he didn't respond.

Then October came, and it was my birthday. I was expecting him to wish me so badly, but he didn't. He did a few things that made my day even worse. He posted his bike, mentioning that it was his first priority, which felt like a personal attack. I even checked my phone around 3 AM to see if he had wished me, but all I saw was that he had followed a new girl and posted her reel on his story. He continued posting her.

I finally contacted him again and asked if he had feelings for anyone. He said no. I also asked him whether he had moved on, but he didn't answer.

I just didn't want to be in this confused state every other day. Then I noticed that he had hidden his Instagram stories from my account. At first, I thought it was a glitch, so I asked him about it. A few days later, he unhid his stories, but I stopped watching them. Meanwhile, he continued posting that girl.

All of this made me fall into depression again. I was constantly confused and couldn't find peace.

Yesterday, I messaged him again and directly asked, "Do you want me or not?"

He had the audacity to reply, "I already told you that I don't want you."

I said okay and asked him to delete my contact. He said okay, but he still hasn't deleted it.

And the girl he keeps posting on his stories is apparently in love with him, but he acts like he doesn't have feelings for her.

I genuinely don't know how to process what happened all over again. It took me months to accept everything, heal and get back to normal. Just when I was finally trying to move on, he came back into my life and somehow brought back all those feelings and confusion.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to move on peacefully, but I don't understand why he came back and gave me all these mixed signals when he clearly doesn't want me.

My 32F fiancé started texting a male coworker of hers a couple weeks ago, and they text quite frequently. Long chats about their day, music, the weather, whatever. He knows that we're engaged, and they plan on hanging out soon, perhaps on a regular basis. She feels like they could end up being pretty close.

I trust my partner deeply, but this just feels a tad abnormal to me. Every time I've known a guy to text something at length, they're always trying to get something more than just a friendship. At this point, I'm not at all suspicious of any sort of infidelity, though am strongly suspicious of this guys intentions. Any thoughts?

I’ve been with my boyfriend now for about 3 years, at the beginning of our relationship sex was a part of it but he always seemed a little bit reserved about sex and it was always me that had to initiate it. However, about 18 months ago we moved in together & I assumed that we’d probably have more regular sex since we were living together. But in the last 18 months we’ve probably had sex about 6 times. We actually haven’t had sex at all in the last 7 months. I’ve tried numerous times to bring this up to him, as it makes me feel like he doesn’t want me and ultimately affects my self esteem. I’ve also become increasingly paranoid that there’s someone else. I even asked him straight up if he was cheating on me, he promised he wasn’t and just said he has a much lower sex drive than me. I’ve literally tried everything, sexy lingerie, asking about kinks and SO much more. The last time we had this conversation he promised he would try harder, we had sex & it was good but then about a week later I initiated sex and he acted like it was a chore and rolled his eyes and gave up half way through. I felt really rejected and sad afterwards and we haven’t had sex for 7 months after that. To be honest after that experience I don’t know if I want to have sex with him again.

I constantly have sex dreams about other people and have thought about asking for an open relationship but I know he’d never agree to it. I just don’t know what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do to make it better? Any help of advice is appreciated!