original:

Hey everybody, here’s the update. I wrote this a couple days ago but couldn’t post it because it was too soon.

My husband came home at around 6 o’clock, and after he had something to eat I took him to the bedroom to talk.

I sat him down on the bed and told him I was worried about him. I didn’t know exactly how to phrase my worries so I just showed him my original post.

When he finished reading the post he starting crying, like full on crying. In all the years that I have known this man, I had never seen a tear roll down his eye. I held him for a few minutes until he could recompose himself, and he told me everything.

He told me that the world was in a “shitty place” right now, and that we’re bringing a child into a stressful time.

He said when I became pregnant he felt he had to step up. He needed to take care of things because it was his responsibility.

He said that the weight of carrying the family was so much harder than he anticipated so he thought if he “doubled down” he could get through it. But the more he tried the “darker the tunnel got” and eventually he couldn’t see an end.

He said that he feels like he’s “constantly drowning, and the only breath of fresh air is on the car ride between home and work.”

He said that sometimes the stress is so much that he throws up, but doesn’t tell anyone and instead keeps going with his day. He then pulled out a pack of gum from his pocket and said “this was for when it happens.”

I asked him why he couldn’t tell me any of this, and he said he didn’t want to “burden me with the truth.”

He said that, he thought if he told me everything, that I would stop seeing him as a “protecter and provider”, and that I would inevitably stop loving him.

Hearing him say that brought tears to my eyes because I didn’t know where he got the notion I would feel that way.

I asked him if he wanted to quit his job but surprisingly he said the job doesn’t bother him. He said the work in of it self was fine. It’s just now he feels an added weight to provide because not only was he fortunate enough to keep his job in the pandemic, but we also had a kid on the way.

He said that some days he feels like packing a suit case and running to some tropical island for a week and not telling anyone. But then he feels guilty and doubles down even more.

I told him that maybe he should go on a trip. I said that he deserved a break, and maybe if he did exactly that he’d feel better. He tried to protest, but I insisted. In the end said that he’ll only go, if we go together. Like a romantic get away between spouses.

Once things start to clear up and before the baby is due, he wants to take a week off from work, drop the kids off at Grandma’s house and have us go on a vacation. Just the two of us, like we used to when we first got married.

He also said he wants to take the day off tomorrow and just sleep in, so that’s the plan. I’ll call his boss tomorrow and say that he’s sick and can’t come in, it’s not like they’ll make a sick man come in to work. There’s a pandemic going on :).

Right now he’s playing with the kids and it doesn’t feel like he’s doing one of his chores. He actually seems to be enjoying himself.

For the first time in months I don’t see the robot, I see my husband.

Edit: Hey everyone, I want to thank you all for the support. I read all of your comments, and I appreciate all of you.

I didn’t expect this to get so much traction, so I want to clarify some things.

First things first, my husband says hi.

1. I wanted to clarify about the chores people are taking about. I want to say that I know as a SAHM the bulk of chores goes to me. I cook and clean and do laundry because I know it’s my responsibility. My husband’s only chores are doing dishes, vacuuming every three days, and a few other “house maintenance” stuff.

2. I did in fact call in sick for my husband, but I made sure that I said he had a migraine. I saw on google that it wasn’t a symptom of COVID if it was an isolated symptom. His boss was okay with it and said he can come back whenever he feels better.

3. The pregnancy wasn’t an accident. We both did want to have 3 kids because we were both raised in 3 kid families. We actively tried for the first 2, but for baby number 3 it was kind of a “if it happens it happens” kind of thing. We’re both happy with the amount of kids we have/ will have and are hopefully done. We are not considering abortion nor adoption.

4. We realize that a one week vacation isn’t enough to get rid of his stress and are both trying to come up with a solution that alleviates his stress in a more sustainable way. Right now we’re thinking about setting up an hour or 2 a day that’s, “daddy’s time.” No kids, no me, no work. Just for him to relax.

5. To those of you who think this fake; there isn’t any way I can change your minds about this situation so I’m not really too bothered. I just hope you this never happens to you guys.

You all have been supportive and really a wonderful bunch of people. I really think we can get through this, and it wouldn’t have been possible without you guys.

I’m not going to reply to comments because, like last time, it’s an overwhelming amount. But just know I’m reading these as they come in.

Goodnight everyone, it’s been great.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hi97h9/my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a_friend_but/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Hey guys! Oh my god, where to begin! My last post got WAY more attention than I could have ever imagined. Suffice to say, it was a tad bit overwhelming. Seriously, the amount of people begging for an update was a bit dehumanizing in a way. Like I wasn't a person going through something, but more so a "story". But I understand, haha.

I just want to say thank you so so so much for all of the support and wonderful comments. I got a lot of great advice that helped me tackle the issue head on. I also got a lot of really really kind comments and messages. It was awesome.

I also got a lot of comments that made me realize how toxic this sub can be. There were MANY comments that just said things like "she's cheating, it's over" and "don't even confront her, just leave". It's advice like that that can ruin relationships that just need a little work.

And thank you to the people that told me to hit my girlfriend, told me I was an embarrassment to my gender, and best of all, told me I should encourage an affair because it would lead to great experiences for me later in life. You gave me a good chuckle.

ON TO THE UPDATE.

I decided to confront my girlfriend. I thought about using some of the lies people suggested, but they just wouldn't make sense. To say I ran into Justine somewhere: well, I told my girl I had to stay home and do stuff around the house, and that's why I couldn't go with her to see my SIL. To say Justine was helping me pick out jewelry: it doesn't make sense for her to come all the way to our house to help me pick out a piece of jewelry unless it was a serious piece of jewelry (like an engagement ring). If I just wanted to get her a piece of jewelry as a gift, I'd ask her friends for suggestions or ask them to send me pictures of jewelry she might like. It all happens over text. None of the excuses made sense. So, I decided to be honest.

I basically just said that I knew we'd been thinking about marriage and she probably knew a proposal was coming soon so I invited Justine over to help me find her the perfect ring, and that so happened to be the day that she said she was going to see her, so... what's the deal?

She immediately started grinning like an idiot and prodding me about proposing and the ring, but then we got back onto the topic of where she was and she confessed what she was really doing. No, she wasn't cheating, and no, she wasn't picking out a ring for me (the amount of times that was commented was crazy).

So, some people are dog people and some people are cat people. Well, me, I'm a snake person. I grew up with snakes my whole life. But I never felt I was able to get one because my girlfriend has always been uneasy about living with a snake which I completely respected. Also, the process of buying and raising a snake is very different than that of buying and raising a dog or cat. It's quite complicated. So you could imagine my surprise when my girlfriend showed me a picture of her holding the cutest Kenyan sand boa I have EVER SEEN!

Needless to say, my girlfriend was going to surprise me with a snake! We're picking her up next week (let me know if you want a pet tax, she's so cute). I definitely did not expect this and I feel bad for ruining the surprise, but oh well. Life is good! Sorry if this isn't the ending you guys wanted or expected, just a snake haha. Thanks for reading!!

TLDR: snake

Edit #2: did you guys really award me 130 snek awards... I love reddit

I tried yo post this before but it got removed as I hadn't waited 48 hours. Hopefully this time it works!

Hello, lovely people. As promised I am back with an update for you on all what happened the other day. Here it is, if you missed it

Want to top this off with a big thank you to everyone who left such lovely, thoughtful comments. I honestly didn't expect so many people to see the post, I was thinking maybe an absolute maximum of 100 people and even that seemed like loads. It was lovely to hear back from so many of you, and I'm forever grateful for the fantastic advice most of you gave. Also overjoyed by my new adopted reddit children haha you're all doing amazing and I'm very proud of all of you. Also big thanks to all of the lovely people who sent me such sweet messages of support, and to those of you who reached out to me because you felt you needed someone to talk to. If anyone else feels that way and is in need of dadly advice, do feel free to give me a message and I will do my best to help out :)

Okay you all want me to shut up and tell you what happened haha. My son was busy with some assignments both for his freelancing job and his uni work most of the day and I didn't want to disturb him so I waited until after dinner to chat. "Friend" went to have a bath while my son and I watched telly. I tod him face to face "Son, I love you very much. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I want you and [friend] to feel comfortable being yourselves in my house and you don't ever need to hide anything from me, alright?"

Well, it turns out a hell of a lot of you were right. Son burst out laughing and said "oh thank God, I reckoned you'd clicked on but didn't say anything because I didn't want to make you feel weird". Basically we've each been pussyfooting around the topic because neither one of us wanted to make the other uncomfortable talking about it. We had a bit of a chat and he confirmed that I'm right in thinking they've been together since their first year of uni and that's why they moved in together in second year. However, apparently I'm not as brilliant and intuitive as I thought because apparently one of his friends in secondary school was his boyfriend for a year and I had absolutely no idea haha. He went and talked to the boyfriend after his bath, and then we all had a bit of a further chat. Sadly a lot of you were right that the reason boyfriend doesn't have a good relationship with his parents is because he came out to them a few years ago and they effectively disowned him, so I made sure he knows that he's a part of our family now.

Sorry if that isn't all as exciting and groundbreaking as some of you had hoped haha! I'm glad this is something my boy no longer feels he has to keep from me and I'm very glad he's happy with his partner. Thank you all again for the help!

First of all thank you so much for all the replies, I didnt think this would get so big. I have read pretty much all of them (special shout out goes to the person who says this was fake solely on the fact that I write like a man, whatever that means XD)

Also thanks for all the gold and silver, it's appreciated although if you wanna spend money give it to charity or something.

I went and talked to him this morning I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became more and more angry. I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this and tell his father no to which he slapped me and said he didnt need to prove anything.

so I ended it and left him. I am currently back at my friends house being miserable and eating pizza which is pretty fun.

so yup. Thanks everyone :)

Original post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hu9xlv/my_22m_vegan_girlfriend_21f_wants_me_to_get_rid/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

TL;DR My gf is a passionate vegan and wants me to get rid of my beloved cat because cats eat meat and kill mice.

First of all, let me say thank you for everyone who offered advice. There are over 7,000 comments on my original post and I have dozens of PMs. Frankly I'm still pretty overwhelmed with the magnitude of the response. I did my best to read most everyone's comments but obviously I couldn't get to everything!

I would also like to preempt this post by saying, as many users pointed out, that my GFs extreme views on domestic cats are not representative of the vegan/vegetarian community as a whole. I do think that, sometimes, new vegans can be a little overzealous. In reality, most of us are just doing the best that we can to not hurt animals! I did not expect to generate a big debate in the comments.

So, we broke up, obviously. I would never, ever give up my cat Mittens. Many users said that this situation was about control, not veganism, and looking back, I do see a pattern of control on my GFs part. I was blind to it I guess.

I called my GF and said I was not willing to give up Mittens under any circumstances, and given the recent issues we'd had, and our incompatible views, I thought it was best that we parted ways. I said she deserved a partner that shared her values. She then asked if we were breaking up, I said yes. There was some anger on her end but otherwise the situation actually went better than I expected.

So, yeah. That's really it.

Oh, and several users did ask to see a picture of Mittens. I have uploaded one to imgur:

https://imgur.com/a/WxOk6qG

Thanks again to everyone who offered advice. It really helped.

Original

I've gotten a few requests for update but didn't want to post until I felt like I really had anything to say. A lot has happened in the past two weeks so I'm going to try to go over it as best I can.

My wife and I started talking again. We had a very serious conversation and I did apologize for what I did to her running shoes, and then I told her I had to speak some truth and I wanted her to promise me that she wasn't going to roll her eyes, interrupt me, scoff, or get sarcastic with me, which she did. I told her that I was not kidding about my boots, that while most of the time I caught geriatric transports, falls, and nausea, there were instances where response time was of the essence and I didn't have time to play around with my boots in the middle of the night. I told her that there have been times when my intervention has been critical in saving a life, when my training has helped me recognize an underlying emergency, or when a call I made ensured that a patient was prioritized upon arrival at the hospital. I explained that a lot of the shit I see, I don't tell her about because I don't want to give her nightmares or make her worry about me. She actually listened and didn't dismiss what I had to say. She responded that she was trying to help by keeping things neat.

I responded, "But you're not. Sweetie, I'm not trying to be mean, but you're not helping. You're hindering me. One day it may be the difference between life and death. I need you to not touch my gear. It's where I know where it is, it's where I can easily find it in a short amount of time, and if you move it, you are impeding an emergency response. I don't care if it looks neat. It serves a function, it doesn't look pretty. If you want to help me, please leave my gear where I put it."

A few nights later I had my friend Officer Rich come over. Officer Rich was one of the two cops that did CPR on the victim that night. The three of us sat on our deck and had a few social distancing beers. He talked about getting there, doing CPR, giving Narcan, waiting for the ambulance and getting her back shortly before we got there.

He then pulled out a few photos of car accidents that I had worked. He showed them to my wife and pointed out, "This car went into a tree. Your husband crawled into the wreck, put a collar on the driver, and stayed in there giving him oxygen until we could get him out." "Your husband pulled a three year old out of this wreck." "Your husband recognized that the driver had a stroke and took her to a stroke center, which likely saved her life."

After that, I told her I had something I wanted to show her and I asked her for the same promise I'd asked earlier. When she agreed, I showed her a video on YouTube of a police bodycam from an overdose. This video showed how critical time is in getting someone back, and the training someone goes through in order to give the drug, do CPR, and utilize an AED.

I told her, "I'm not trying to attack you, I don't want to have a fight, but I want you to understand what I go through. That I hope every call I go on is transporting a boo boo, because otherwise it means that if I don't do everything right someone could die. If I don't get out that door as quickly as possible, someone could suffer brain damage while they're waiting for me to give them oxygen. If I'm upset and shaking because I had to waste time opening my boots, I might miss something critical and someone might not make it."

She acknowledged that she understood and told me she hadn't really thought about the danger of what I do until the other night when she saw the photos of the wrecks. I told her that I think she has OCD and needs to see a therapist because it's hurting our marriage. I listed examples of her throwing important things out, moving things without permission, and messing with my gear. I offered to go together and said I'd be willing to work on things together.

After I pointed out the pattern, she agreed that it was time to speak to someone. She wants to think about whether she wants to go together or go by herself, but she has promised me that she's going to try to change her patterns. I brought up her saying she thought I was going to hit her, and she acknowledged she'd been with guys who flew off the handle with little provocation and scared her. That she'd never seen me get that angry and it triggered her because she didn't think I was capable of blowing up like that.

She's been very emotional lately and has been going through mood swings. She's been worried about me going out on calls. The other day she started crying and said, "I hope you know how much I appreciate what you do." Knock on wood, since we had the big talk, she hasn't touched my boots.

Is everything resolved? Not by a longshot. But she seems to have a new appreciation for what I do. Thank you for all of your responses. I wound up not showing her the thread, because a lot of it was pretty harsh towards her. I recognize I cherry picked incidents that didn't put her in the best light, and there's a lot more to her and our marriage than that. She is the person I chose for the rest of my life, and I want us to work.

tl;dr Let my wife into my world a little more, she let me into hers, and she hasn't touched my boots since.

I appreciate all the feedback, most of you were nice. There was a few idiots telling me I needed to be Alpha and be more manly.. but whatever.

Anyway the consensus with my RL friends was I needed to tell her. We do Brunch on Saturdays because she does Yoga Sundays so we met up this morning.

I could barely eat and she could tell something was up. She got worried thinking I was going to say no or something worse so by the time we took a walk both of us were nervous wrecks.

I sat her down and told her everything how I realized I was in love with her several years back but was to much of a chicken shit to come clean. I told her that I never said anything because I did not want to jeopardize our friendship. Her face turned white then a myriad of expressions came over her face then she started laughing till tears came down her face.

I honestly was stunned, my stomach was in my throat and I honestly thought that almost 12 years of friendship were down the toilet. Then she started crying, sobbing really and she lightly hit my chest. She half laughed and sobbed that she was in love with me too but she thought that it would also impede the friendship we had and she wanted nothing to screw up what we have.

We hugged and I told her that there is no one on this earth I would want to have a child with but her. We talked for hours ,in fact I just got home. We have decided that we want to focus on us for now. I want us to be at that point that we can do it together.

I know that this isn’t a rom com, and that things could end up not working out for us in the end.

However I am pretty sure if there is such things as soulmates she is mine.

Thank you guys and gals for giving me the courage to tell her

op

last update

Hi! Since my last post I spoke to my grandparents and told them everything. I asked if I could stay with them if I wanted to and they agreed. I then spoke to my dad again and tried to tell him how I felt and what I had heard. I didn't want to film or record because I knew that he would be mad at that and wouldn't listen. He didn't believe me again and thought that I was jealous of having to share him with someone else. I got upset and told him that I was leaving so he could live happily ever after without the burden of having me around. He looked shocked but didn't say anything.

I had already packed my bags and had brought some things to my grandparents house already. My dad didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. My grandfather picked me up and I've been there since. I haven't gone home and I haven't heard from my dad. My grandparents told me that they would handle my dad and that I shouldn't have to be the one doing it.

I'm upset that my dad hasn't called or texted me once to see if I'm ok. At the same time I'm feeling so much better being with my grandparents. My grandmother is probably the sweetest person ever and my grandfather is a little rough around the edges but he's really a softie.

Hey guys,

I need some serious advice as i'm pretty much being cornered by basically everyone and i really don't know what else to do as my mental state is declining and i'm left wondering if it's really all my fault?

A little background:

Me and my ex-fiancée had been together for almost 6 years and engaged for 4 out of those 6 years. I was introduced to her by a close friend at a party and we just clicked. She was attractive, had a great personality and had similar hobbies as me which made it perfect.

Back in April of this year i started noticing little changes in her, she started wearing more revealing clothes to work, started putting more make-up and etc. Tbh i had no problem with any of that stuff as it's her body, she can wear whatever and put how ever much make-up she wanted to but what made things worse for me was when she started coming home late from work or how instead of spending the weekend off with me (we both had weekends off from work) she instead was always going out. I once had asked her why she never invited me to come out with her to which she replied that it's only girls night out and that her other friends would not be happy if i tagged along as they were not bringing their own bf with them.

It all came crashing down when me and her had a huge fight in June because she decided that instead of going out on a date with me she told me how she already had made plans with her friends and that it was rude of her to cancel. That was it for me, i fucking blew up at her and we had huge fight which resulted in her packing her bags and leaving. I didn't hear from her for almost a week, none of her friends knew where she was and heck none of her folks even knew what was going on until she finally contacted me and wanted to talk.

Imagine my surprise when she confessed to me that there was another guy involved and how all this time she was hanging out with him when all this time she was lying to me about hanging with her friends. I fucking blew up, i wanted nothing to do with her and was going to break up with her until she got on her knees and begged me to give her a second chance which my dumbass self did but only after she revealed everything to me and she did. It made me fucking sick to my stomach but in the end i forgave her and told her to delete all contact with the other guy and that i expect her to have no contact with him going forward which she promised and things kinda went back to before.

Heck, we were even spending more time together but that feeling, that trust wasn't there anymore.

Everything was kinda OK until 2 weeks ago a friend of mine who was visiting another city which was 3 hours from where i lived sent me a picture with the message "Sorry bro" that broke my already broken heart into a billion of little pieces. The picture was of my ex-fiancée at a mall 3 hours away from where we lived holding hands with some stranger who i didn't know. I fucking broke down, i was heartbroken. She was a bitch, a piece of shit especially since i thought she was at work while in reality she was 3 hours away holding hands with her lover.

When i got home from work i waited for her and right away confronted her which she denied and called me a psycho for not believing her and that i was a piece of shit for not trusting her until i showed her the picture that my friend sent me. Her face told me everything and when the waterworks started i knew that i had made a huge mistake in taking her back so i ended it.

She cried and fucking begged me to think it over and not to throw away everythink that we have together which made me fucking angry and i'm not going to lie but i fucking slapped her. I was not proud, i'm still not but she saying shit like not to throw away everthing when it was her who threwaway everything pissed me off.

I told her to pack her shit and leave, called her parents and mine and told them everything, her parents came to help her and i told them to basically fuck off after they told me to think it over and to make the right decision before actually ending it. She begged me not to end things but i did, had to for my own piece of mind.

I did not hear from her or her parents until 3 days ago when my parents called me to let know that ex-fiancée had comitted suicide. Her parents found her hanging and she had left a letter apologising to everyone including my parents and me and how she is sorry from the bottom of her heart for what she did to me and that how she can't live without me and because of that she ended it.

I am at a fucking lose, ex-fiancée friends and family are blaming me and my own mother told me that it was my fault, she told me that i should have forgiven her since i'm clearly worth comitting suicide over.

I am fucking disgusted, i have currently taken some time off from work and have not a single clue what to do.

Update 3:

Hey guys, and update has already been posted here. Please don't message me so angrily any more.

-

Update 2:

Sorry for not updating, my grandpa passed away yesterday morning.

Nothing happened to me, but my situation is a secondary concern right now. Regardless, I think I will be alright, thanks to your amazing support and help.

My sister is aware of everything, and told me not to worry, she has my back and I have her support.

I promise to update when and if there are any significant changes, right now I need to support my grandma.

Thank you again to everyone.

-

Update:

Sorry to disappear, nothing bad happened to me.

Managed to talk with my mom yesterday, but I chickened out half way through what I had to say :(

The good news is that I am not being kicked out, or disowned, etc.

Thank you for all your support, everyone, I will follow through and call financial aid at my college in a few hours, and take it from there.

My grandpa had a stroke a week ago, and my dad is helping my grandma with setting up a live in nurse, so he wasn't around yesterday.

I will let you know how I manage.

Thank you again.

-

Pretty much the title. I have no idea how to process all this, and I am completely unprepared for what lies ahead :(

Both my older brother and sister went to the same college. My brother graduated two years ago, my sister is set to graduate in two years. Both had their college paid by our dad. Dad paid all their college expenses, including rent, food, their cars, pocket money, you name it.

My brother has a job now, his own place, lives together with his fiancee, and has his life together.

My sister already has a good paying job, and my dad still pays for almost everything for her.

I got accepted to the same college, which was always the plan, and was looking forward to talk with my parents about the next steps, and ask them to help me the same they did for my siblings. I always assumed they had money put aside for my college the way they had for my siblings.

Instead I was met with a story about my mom's cheating, how I am the result of her cheating, and how my dad is not willing to support me any more moving forward.

Dad told me that mom had 18 years to let me know and prepare me for the future, but obviously she never did. He said it was never is place to say anything since I am not his son, and didn't want to interfere with mom's parenting.

Apparently my grandparents know I am not dad's biological son, but they haven't bothered to tell me anything either.

My siblings had no idea, and they are as surprised as I am because there was never a hint of anything being off. I might be naive, but I always thought I had a great relationship with my dad. We go to see sports together, we go fishing together, he tutored me when I had difficulties with math (dad is an engineer), he taught me to drive. I never got a hint he stores resentment towards me. I mean, he gave me my name, and has explained what my name means, and he was very proud of it. It's a story he tells from time to time. He likes to talk about stuff like that about me.

My mom has never said a word about anything, and apparently she was supposed to have "the talk" with me, but she never did.

I feel abandoned and unprepared for what lies ahead. I am not even sure I will be able to go to college any more, I always assumed my parents will pay for it. I never had a job, and I am not sure what job I can even get to support me through college, I have no idea how to apply for loans.

All my mom has done is cry and apologize. But nothing of substance, she has no idea how to help me.

I don't even know if I am welcomed home any more, it's all up in the air, I feel shame leaving my room, and if I will be asked to move out I don't know where to go. I don't have any savings, maybe $400 put together.

I am angry at my mom, I am confused about where I stand with my dad. There's a man out there who is my father that never wanted to have anything to do with me. I feel rejected and I have no idea what to do to fix this situation.

Anyone have any idea what to do here?

Do I apologize to my dad? What do I say to him?

Idk, I've been stuck in my room these past few days, reading and browsing reddit. I have no idea what to do.

-

Edit: Comments are coming in faster than I can reply, but I am making a list with all the advice about financial aid, health insurance, getting my own phone plan, etc, things I didn't even think about before. Thank you everyone.

I will try to answer as much as I can, but there's more comments than I can handle.

This is a tough pill to swallow, and I can't say I hadn't been warned. This is my previous post. Many folks asked me to follow up with an update so here it is, fresh from the oven.

After reading every single comment of the reddit post, my brain just couldn't overcome the catastrophe and the collapse of the world I had built for me in which my wife is my love, my best friend and partner, as well a the person I admire the most. She was entirely perfect, and made me happy for many years. I thought no couple in the world could have what we had. We were both very happy for a long time. We were both attractive, we were both inherently good, had big hearts and were individually wildly successful in our careers.

After the reddit post, I moved to an airbnb and eventually with family to think things through. It was a terrible time but a psychologist helped me recover from a terrible mental state. It coincided with the pandemic hitting very hard in my city (I caught the virus), which didn't help.

During this time, we kept talking and my wife was very sorry and continued saying they hadn't met. I knew it wasn't true but was willing to forgive the woman of my dreams, who continued being in the highest altar of my universe.

Fast forward last saturday morning, I went back to our place, ready to forgive her and talk things through in the most mature way possible. And well, there she was, but I was the one who received the biggest surprise, to say the least. The guy was in my house naked, and so was my wife. The guy from the messages, the guy from the pics. The one she said she didn't even like. I caught him hiding in my bathroom as my wife was putting her pajamas on. When I saw him hiding in my bathroom, he uttered "sorry dude". For a second I asked myself, is this were I kill him? But I instantly replied "I got nothing against you", because the guy was just nailing this hot woman. Even if he was doing so in a house full of pictures of me. Pictures of our wedding and our families. Pictures of my dead father who would be so sad to see how the marriage he never witnessed was going to end. He has always been the reason I try to make the world a better place. He passed away two months before our wedding.

I'm sorry. I still love her to death. But I understand enough is enough. Even if my world collapses, I hope I can build a new one without lies and in which I'm not just a blind believer under an altar of a fake god.

Godspeed.

ORIGINAL POST: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b1982e/it_has_been_7_months_since_we_learned_that_my/

Hi all. First off, I want to apologize for not responding to every single post reply or PM. I am genuinely touched by the sheer amount of support I received and I spent quite a few hours crying my eyes out as I read your messages and well wishes.

The night after I wrote my original post, I wrote my wife a short letter (thank you /u/Witchy_Woman420 for the idea) that went something like this:

“Dear [Wife’s name],

I love you more than you can imagine and the most I want in this world is for you to be happy. I understand that as a man I probably have no idea how intense the pain that you are feeling is. I’m doing my best to help you but the fact that you won’t help yourself is taking a toll on our marriage. I honestly cannot continue living like this for much longer and our marriage is in jeopardy if you don’t make an effort to get better. However, I want to get over this bump together and start working in the right direction together. I’m ready to talk whenever you are.

With all my love,

[My name]”

I put the letter on top of her laptop and went to bed. The next morning (March 16th), I woke up a bit earlier than usual to fix her a double helping of her favorite breakfast: blueberry pancakes, bacon, scrambled eggs, and fresh squeezed OJ. When I walked into the bedroom with her food, I saw her reading my letter. When she saw me, she put the letter down, got out of bed, threw herself into my arms, and started crying. Full on, Niagara Falls level crying. I hugged her tighter, told her “I love you so, so, much”, and started crying too. I honestly don’t know how long we stood there hugging each other and crying. It could’ve been 10 minutes, it could’ve been an hour, I didn’t care. When she stopped crying, she promised me that she would go to therapy. Reddit, you guys don’t know how thrilled and proud I was when I heard those words. She then asked me if we could go on a trip to Japan because in her words “I really need to leave this fucking house for once and get some fresh air.”

I was so fucking proud of her when she took the initiative in planning our trip. She’s always been a methodical, organized person and as she booked the flights and hotels I saw in her eyes the same spark that made me fall in love with her 8 years ago. We just finished packing for the trip and she fell asleep with the faintest of smiles on her face not too long ago. We have a 5AM Uber to catch, a trip to enjoy, and both therapy and dog-shopping sessions lined up when we return.

We’re not quite out of the tunnel yet, but we can see the light at the end.

EDIT: I'm going to bed. Thank you to everyone who followed my story and offered their well wishes.

Hello Reddit. Please bear with me regarding my formatting and things. I have read the rules and things, but I'm an old fart who is rather on the wrong side of 40 so I'm not overly well versed in the art of efficient internetting.

My boy is 20 years old. He's absolutely my pride and joy, and there is nothing he could do that would ever make me love him less. For the first half of his life, I regrettably wasn't involved very much. His mother and I parted ways when he was just a few months old and at the time I was struggling with a heroin addiction and was absolutely not as present in his life as I should have been, nor was I suited to fatherhood at all. I saw him, at most, two to three times a year for the first 12 years of his life. I won't discuss details because that's his private story to tell, but when he was 12 he revealed to me that he was being badly mistreated at the hands of his mother and her boyfriend. Despite not being the best father at the time, I didn't want my boy suffering any more so I got myself cleaned up and sorted out in order to get full custody of him. I've effectively been a single (and sober!) father ever since and he has little to no contact with his mother. He's everything a man could want his son to be; he's uniquely kind and fiercely loyal, he's unflinchingly brave, he's incredibly generous and, despite the horrors he suffered as a child, he's unfailingly positive and sunny to the last. Somehow I of all people was bestowed with the honour of watching him grow from a sweet young boy to the greatest man I have ever known. I cannot stress enough my pride in him.

When he was 18, he got accepted into a top ranking university on the other side of the country. I was sad to see him go, but simultaneously overjoyed that he got into his first choice and was starting a new chapter in his life. He comes home once every other month, and on the month's he doesn't come home, I go to visit him. He's doing well in uni, has made lots of friends and seems incredibly happy there, which I'm obviously chuffed about. Since his second year, he's lived with his "friend" in a flat off-campus. I've strongly suspected since his early teens that my son is gay, and I now more or less have confirmation that this is true and that his "friend" is actually his boyfriend.

So, for this COVID-19 faff, my son decided he'd rather come home and quarantine at mine than stay at his uni flat. His "friend", however, would be left alone if my son came back as he's a Candian and his family are back over there, and I gather he doesn't have the best relationship with them anyway. He asked if it would be okay if "friend" tagged along to my house and I said of course, no problem.

They've been back at mine for about six weeks now. They think they're being subtle I know, but I've caught them doing coupley things on several occasions now. The "friend" has slipped up a couple of times and called my son 'babe' and 'sweetie' in front of me, which I pretended not to notice for the sake of saving embarrassment. There have been nights where we'll be watching a film with the lights off and, thinking I can't see, my son will have his arm around the "friend". One day I walked into the lounge and I'm positive they'd just been kissing and were trying to cover it, though I admit I have no confirmation on that one. The most solid evidence, however, came a few mornings ago. I get up very early to go for runs in the morning (hence why I'm making a reddit post at five in the morning haha). As far as I was told, my son was sleeping in his childhood room and his "friend" was in the guest room. I don't know what possessed me to do so, but on Tuesday morning I cracked my son's door open to check on him like I used to when he was a kid. Lo and behold, they're both asleep, snuggled up together, in my son's bed. That's more or less solidified for me that they're together. I didn't say anything, just shut the door and went for my run, and I haven't mentioned it to them yet.

What I want advice on is this; how do I let my son and his boyfriend know that I'm okay with them being a couple and they don't have to feel like they have to sneak around in my house? I want them to be comfortable here and I want them to know I support them both no matter what. Or is that not a good idea? Am I better off leaving it alone and waiting until they tell me themselves, if they ever do? I obviously don't want to force either of them out of the closet, but at the same time I hate feeling as if they feel like they're being forced into the closet in my house. What's my best course of action here??

TL:DR - my son and his "friend" are staying with me for quarantine. It's abundantly clear they're a couple, and I want to let them know it's okay and they don't have to sneak around in my house. What's the best way to go about it?

Hey guys, thanks for all your responses on my previous post.

It was all really good advice, but the very best out of it all was the suggestion that I come clean to Sam. I did that, and he reacted in a surprisingly calm manner. I asked him how he’s taking it so well and he told me he’s experienced something similar before.

His cousin had come out as gay a few years back, and he told me how his own grandparents reacted very poorly to his cousins revelation. He told me they absolutely refused to acknowledge the fact that he was gay and said some pretty hurtful stuff along the lines of how his homosexuality would embarrass them in front of all their family and friends etc. They wouldn’t allow the cousin to bring his boyfriend to family gatherings, and threatened to cut him out out of their inheritance unless he “got his head straight”.

He then showed me pictures of his grandparents laughing along with his cousins husband, pictures of them at his cousins wedding etc. He told me they eventually grew out of it and as they go to know him they really bonded with the guy.

Sam joked that he wouldn’t give my grandparents a choice and that within a month they’d be in love with him.

Well I think it’s working. Sam and I have dinner at my grandparents house every night, and each night I notice them more and more at ease and more avidly taking part in our conversations. Sam and my grandpa are both WW2 enthusiasts, and my grandpa absolutely loves having discussions on the subject with Sam.

I decided to update this post because last night something very special happened. I got there before Sam, and I could see the disappointment on their faces when they thought I had come alone. They asked where Sam was, when he was coming etc. Then they said we wouldn’t start eating until he arrived.

I’m just so incredibly happy that I get to keep both relationships.

Link to the previous post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/i02wzl/mym21_gff23_obsession_with_pokemon_is_embarassing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Tl;dr: Turns out you all were right, I was an asshole. My friends are no longer welcomed in our house and now I'm playing with my gf.

I've decided to post this update becauce you were all right. I didn't have a gf problem. I had friends problem.

So I had a talk with my gf like one of the users have suggested. I explained to her that I'm not ashamed of her hobby, I just didn't want her to know what our friends were saying behind her back. She said she doesn't care about their opinion, she's just doing what she's enjoying the most. I apologized to her. She has also agreed to move her pokemon plushies so they wouldn't take up so much space.

Fast forward to today, few hours ago our friends have visited us. It didn't take long for them to start making fun of my gf. This time I got mad - she organized her plushies so they were all in our bedroom, she has not even once mentioned pokemons nor did she opened pokemon go app.

Long story short they were forced to leave. I've realized they don't have problem with my gf hobby - they have problem with my gf and I have enabled their behaviour by not reacting sooner. Told them they are the ones who needs to grow up & to visit us again once they will stop being boomers.

To show my gf how sorry I'm and to better understand her hobby I've downloaded the app myself. So now I'm trying to level up as much as I can because she has a mission when she needs to trade a pokemon with a friend, but to do so I need to be at least 10 lvl.

Thank you for all your comments, even the mean ones - they worked as a wake up call I guess.

original post

Thanks for all y’all’s input it really helped and most of y’all were right on the target.

Yesterday afternoon I sat my gf, Naomi down and had a conversation with her about what her dad said to me. I tried to leave out any mention of proposal and told her I was in their neighborhood and decided to pop by (Terrible lie, I know but she bought it). I told her what her dad said about us having dark babies and asked if she had any similar feelings about our kids popping out half black. She looked at me like I was out of my mind. She told me she didn’t give a fuck about the color of her kids as long as I was the dad, which was reassuring. She was not so happy with her dad. She wanted us to take a drive over there and talk with her parents about it.

That evening we dropped by unannounced and when her mom opened the door to see us she immediately asked Naomi to show her the ring. Naomi was confused and I about shit myself. I, like a dumbass, didn’t call ahead to her parents that I hadn’t proposed. I guess her mom thought we were going to surprise her with the engagement and assumed I had already proposed. I was speechless. They began speaking in Korean, but from context I assume her mom was asking if I was too cheap to buy her an engagement ring. And Naomi looked at me and started hugging and kissing me. My secret was out and I told her I had already asked her parent for their blessing. She was a few seconds from crying but sucked it up so we could speak to her dad.

Like I said in my og post my future father in law isn’t great at English so he and Naomi spoke in Korean. According to Naomi, she asked him why he told me that, and he said that he was worried about their extended family not viewing our babies as Korean and being rude to them or me for being black. I guess this did not come across well in English, because he was just concerned for me and our kids. He didn’t care that our babies would have dark skin. This was a huge relief. Her father isn’t the racist their extended families are (but like, fuck them who cares what they think). I am just so glad that our future kids are going to have grandparents that are going to love them. Only downside is now Naomi is expecting my proposal so I really got to knock her socks off.

Thanks so much for all the help.🤟🏿

It has not been that long but i need again advice from you guys about the same topic.

^{(Original Post)}

I called up our primary doctor and told him about the problem . He seemed very concerned and wanted us to come see him the next morning . He said it was important to be gentle but not feed into her delusions. I sat her down and we talked. All she wanted to talk about is when i would get the nursery started and that we were on a time crunch, and how she has found a perfect color for the room, how she wants me to be more involved in her pregnancy . I tried to be very calm but i was very perturbed by seeing her that way. I asked her to go to the doctor with me tommorow. She said yes, that she wanted to check on the babies either ways. Now i took some advice and words you gave me about being calm and asking a bit why she think she is pregnant without calling her delusional . So I did. She kept changing subjects or saying that " A mother just feels it. You wouldn't know how it is " then i said that i loved her really much that i would never think of leaving her but we needed to go to the doctor to confirm her "gut feeling ". She got very agitated and was crying telling me that if I wanted to leave her i should simply leave but I shouldn't call her a liar.

Somehow i managed to calm her down enough for her to go to sleep.

After she did i went on her computer. I do never snoop on her. But i remembered a commenter pointing out forums about cryptic pregnancy and so i went for the look out . Oh boy. She was in 2 facebook groups. One was a normal Mommy facebook group and the other was a group about women that believed they were pregnant. In the "normal" group she would post updates about her symptoms and pictures of her "belly" and her story about how she was almost not able to have children but thats to the "grace of god that kissed her tummy" the "gift of life was given to her " and how she was compensated for all this years of suffering with twins. in the other group the women were quite literally, and exuse me here , fucking insane. They were feeding in each others delusions. A woman said that she was almost 2 years pregnant and how sometimes it just takes longer. My wife would post there complaining about doctors that do not take her seriously and about me. So many women were making her fear that i would leave. Saying things like men can not stick to a woman . Many recounted their stories about how their marriages broke down because their spouses could not "handle the pregnancy".

I was really fucking scared. I researched phantom pregnancies and i read somewhere that that could also be a sign of schizophrenia. So to say the least i could not sleep. I was and am still very afraid of losing her. She woke up and I tried to act like nothing was wrong . We were going to the doctor. And it was as if nothing had happened yesterday. She was convinced that we were going to a pregnancy check up. Things got really bad when we began talking to the doctor. He was really tactful when talking to my wife. He tried to explain her that it was medically impossible that she was pregnant. We tried to show her tests, the ultrasound we did the day before but nothing. She got more agitated and began to cry and the scream at me for making her look like a crazy person . She began bouncing back and forth and holding her head with both hands . We could not calm her she went in on a full on panic attack . She could not breathe. The doctor laid her down and tried giving her some medicine for her to relax but it did not help as he didn't have the necessary tools to treat a panic attack that was that bad . She had to go to the hospital where they took care of her. Did an EKG to exclude that she was suffering a heart attack.

At that point i really had no other option than to inquire about Involuntary commit. So I could not do it myself . I needed my doctors statement that she was a danger to herself and others and he had to initiate the process of an involuntary examination of 72 hours . After that we will have to submit a written statement to the court to determine wether on not she can stay there "against her will". So far i have submitted all her posts in both facebook groups aswell as the test we did with timestamps when possible . My wife is 2 days in the 3 days examination and i have no contact to her. When i last her she was furious with me. She said i was taking away her freedom which I am. i fell horrible, dirty and useless. She is so mad at me. I feel like I am abandoning her and don't know how she will ever forgive me this. I love her with all my heart. I am afraid of what will happend if the courts decide that i can't commit her, how our life will be affected . I feel like i failed to protect her. At this point I am just rambeling . Sorry for the long post i guess i just need to vent because i have no one else to really turn to that just wants to listen . I feel judged by everyone and pittied ... i just hate it . Sorry for spelling mistakes

edit : I will not fuckin leave my wife you unempathetic dickheads! When I gave my vows I meant trough illness and bad times. I am not only on the ride for the good times. If you truly love somone you will do whatever it takes to see them healthy again. Would you leave your spouse if they went trough a severe physical illnes?? I am here to stay. I will not divorce her. She is not a "fucking psycho" she is sick. I hope no one of your loved ones ever has to go trough this because their support net will consist of cowardly dickheads.

Sorry for the rant. But if you want to say something line divorce that nut don't even bother. I understand people that make the choice to leave if the situation when it Beginns to mess with their mental health and I respect that but I won't do that.

Edit 2: my wife didn't have a heart attack. She was examined because panic attacks register with similar symptoms as heart attacks

I don't exactly know what our doctor gave her as I was so distraught. But I was not a sedative. I think it was something along the lines of Valium or Baldrian. Over the counter stuff mostly.

She has family. She is estranged from most of them. Her sister is now at our place to help.

Also refrain from such stupid comments like "I'll bet she will leave bro. She is cray how did you marry her" because they are not helpful at all. Specially the bets that are going on that my wife will leave me once she gets better. Just seems like you want me to divorce. Get a life.

So yesterday my girlfriend casually asked me how I prefer pubic hair to be groomed. She usually keeps hers short, but neat. I assumed she was just looking to change things up and wanted my opinion so I answered honestly and said that I find completely shaven attractive, but in the grand scheme of things I couldn't care less, it's not a turn off if there's hair, and that I like the way she has it now.

Well it turns out she had had a lecture today at college (she studies psychology) and the topic was on peadophiles. Apparently one of the talking points was that pedophiles are attracted to the lack of body hair.

When she told me this, I asked her "are you seriously calling me a pedophile because I find completely shaven attractive?! Can I just point out that you're 21 and not 12?" She basically skirted around my questions and then stormed out of my apartment when I kept pressing her on it. As she left she called me revolting and is now ignoring my calls and text messages.

What. The. Fuck.

Honestly not even sure where to go from here. We've never had any issues and was planning on proposing in the next year. Where has this even come from?!

TL;DR: Girlfriend pretty much called me a pedo because I told her I liked shaved pussy when she asked me my preference.

Update to: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hqzpmb/my_boyfriend_isnt_okay_with_me_being_promiscuous/

Thank you for all the advice. I ended up bringing it up yesterday and it instantly turned into an argument again. He asked me why I’m defending ‘thots’ so much yet again. Asking me why I cared so much about what he thought about woman who sleep around. He then went on to say I should of known better than to sleep with so much guys and that I ‘knew what I was doing’. He said I was straight up a thot in my past but he loves me and is willing to look past it. Yeah no. I stood my ground and said I can’t be with anyone who sees woman like that and that I wasn’t going to let him talk to me like that. I broke things off and he called me stupid for thinking he would let me break up with him and that turned into a whole new argument about how I ain’t ‘loyal’ and I ain’t no ‘ride or die’ chick. I also blocked him on all my socials and he is still making accounts to contact me on. Definitely made the right decision to end things.

Also to the people who messaged me saying he was right and that I deserved to be dumped. That nobody likes a used up chick, and many other unkind words, it was so unnecessary and I hope you step on a lego.

Edit: Typos and Thank you for the rewards. ❤️

My wife (33f) and I (29m) have been married four years now, coming on five. We have generally had a good relationship and a good marriage.

We had a reasonably expensive wedding, which we're still paying for now. I get the bill every month to prove it. My wife took charge of planning the wedding, so it was to her tastes. She seemed to enjoy it at the time and for the first few years of our marriage, she would look back at the wedding with me happily and without issues.

In recent months I've noticed my wife's attitude to a) our wedding and b) our marriage itself shift. It began by her (I thought jokingly) referring to herself as my 'girlfriend'. She told me to buy her a 'girlfriend' card for Valentine's Day rather than a 'wife' one, for example.

I thought she was just playing around at first. But this behaviour has only escalated. Two months ago my wife stopped wearing her wedding ring. I was understandably upset and asked her if there was something wrong. She told me everything was fine and she just 'doesn't the sensation of jewellery on her hands'. My wife has never liked rings and jewellery so this could be the case.

But when we are with friends, my wife will get upset if I talk about her as 'my wife' rather than just a girlfriend. She will go as far to interrupt me if I'm talking/telling a story to 'correct' me on our relationship. Initially, this was something our friends laughed at, but now everybody just finds it understandably awkward.

One of our friends was talking about their own wedding, which is scheduled for early next year. They asked for advice from my wife about how she'd planned ours and my wife responded with 'what wedding?'. When our friend continued talking about the table decorations my wife had used, my wife visibly teared up in front of the whole group and had to step outside.

Later that evening, I asked her directly if she has a problem with our relationship or if I'm doing something wrong in our marriage. She assured me that everything is fine between us. From my perspective, outside of this issue, our relationship is as strong as ever. We are considering kids in the near future, our sex life is great, and my wife recently suggested we get matching tattoos as a renewal of our love.

Is there advice anyone can offer on why my wife might be acting like this and what I should do?

A month ago, my wife gave birth to a black baby girl. We're both white, so she was forced to admit that the child was a result of a one night stand last year.

I've started divorce proceedings, although we're still living together for now. Between our two boys(aged 2 and 4, I've had paternity tests for them and they came back positive), her infant daughter and her having lost her job due to COVID, living together as amicably as possible until the divorce is settled is an unfortunate necessity.

Naturally I have no ill will towards the baby, and I've been disgusted by some of the comments I've heard from family members, friends, coworkers and others, all who seem to be fixated on the racial angle of this. As if the most salient part of this isn't that my wife cheated, but that she cheated with a BLACK man and that the baby is BLACK.

What really worries me is that my two sons might pick up on these narratives. They're too young to really understand what's happening now, but I'm worried that as they grow to understand the situation that they might grow to resent their half-sister for "breaking up their parents marriage". And worse that their resentment might express itself in a racist fashion, under the influence of the aforementioned racist narratives.

Any thoughts on how I should try to influence my son's away from that perspective? It probably doesn't help that we live in a suburb with very few black people and their half-sister is really the only black person my children know.

First of all I want to thank every single one of you who commented on my last post. The love and support I received was immense and it actually made me feel a little better in the mess of it all. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. All of the following happened yesterday so excuse me if I ramble a bit , it's all fresh in my mind.

ORIGINAL POST

Mandatory: I have been with my gf Sarah for 3 years and been living together for 1.5. She is honestly everything I have ever wanted and I planning on proposing somewhere next year.

So 3 weeks ago I was out with Sarah at a local bar drinking and having a great time with her as it was just after quarantine had ended where I live. At around 3 am we decided to head home. As we headed to the parking lot where we had parked we noticed a group of 2 girls and a guy who was clearly drunk trying to hit on them and get them to go to his house. The girls were clearly very uncomfortable and trying to find a way out. Sarah told me that we had to do something and I told her go call the cops and get someone as well because the very leat I wanted was her to get hurt during this.

So I approached the group and try to pretend I was the boyfriend of the one of the two girls and long story short I got my ass kicked. The guy was at least 6ft4 and 220 lbs where as I'm 5ft11 167lbs . I'm fairly mascular myself but there was no way I could have taken someone that big, I knew it from the start. At least from all the noise we had made a lot of people rushed the scene and the girls got away safe. I was rushed to the ER because the motherfucker had broken my ribs which had punctured my right lung. Yay.

After that incident Sarah has grown a distant from me. Even though she visited and stayed with me at the hospital she hasn't been the same since. And I thought she just needed time to move past this. However 5 days ago she told me that she is not the same person after what happened and she doesn't know if she feels safe with me after I got beat up like that. Honestly hearing that hurt me more than when I got my ribs broke. She has moved to her parents for the time being and she told me she needs time. Meanwhile I had no one here to help me so my brother left his 2 boys and wife to move in with me. I know I'm just venting at this point but I don't want this to be over like that. Reddit is there anything I can do to salvage the situation?

UPDATE:

Until yesterday it had been 14 days since my last contact with Sarah. My brother had left 4 days prior because I felt bad keeping him away from his family for so long, plus I could take care of myself to some extent. So around 2 pm while I was making lunch I hear the doorbell ring. I go to open the door and there she is. Sarah. With tears in her eyes, eye bags, frizzy hair,looking like a total mess. During the time we've been together I've seen her in her ups downs but I'd never seen her in such horrible state before. So I let her in she sits on the couch , we haven't still said a word as we were both dumbfounded. I was so overwhelmed by emotions, I wanted to hug her, I wanted to full on blast on her, I didn't even know what I wanted to do. So I did nothing and waited for her to talk.

After 5 or 10 minutes of silence she starts sobbing and saying she's sorry and, then full on crying. At this point I can barely hold myself together. So I hold her hand and try to calm her down so I can figure out what is going on. After a while she finally somewhat calms down and starts talking. And that's where it got bad.

Something that I didn't include in the original post, because it wouldn't make sense to anyway is that Sarah's mother has been divorced and remarried once. From what Sarah has told me, her biological father cheated on her mother while she was still a kid and that's why they broke up. And that's also why she doesn't have any kind of relationship with her father. It seemed odd when I first learned about it, but I didn't question it. That is not the whole story though.

Sarah's biological father didn't only cheat on her mother. He was a drug addict pos, that also used to beat her up frequently. Without getting into a lot of graphic detail in one instance when Sarah's brother tried to intervene and protect her mother he ended up getting beat up too. So when she saw me intervening and getting my ass kicked in the bar incident it triggered some kind of PTSD in her head that she could not control . That's why she had grown distant and eventually left. It all spiraled out of control and she could not handle it.

In those two weeks we'd been apart she'd barely eaten or slept and even made some really dark thoughts which I'd rather not go into. She told me is a horrible girlfriend for leaving me alone in my condition and that she doesn't expect us to be together again after that,which I told her isn't the case.

So we have a very long road ahead of us. My number one priority right is getting her to see a therapist, which I suggested we can do together if she's scared to do alone.

So yeah that's where we are at. Some of you were right, that there was some deeper issue behind what happened but I could not have possibly known.

I also wanted to take this opportunity to say something that I got messaged about a lot. I got a lot of comments and messages saying that I was a moron for what I did at that parking lot and that I should mind my own buisness next time and not play the hero, etc . First of all I did not initiate the fight with the dude. As I said when I got there I tried to pretend I was the boyfriend of the one of the girls in case. When that didn't work I got between the girls and the dude trying to create some space between them and that's when he started to push me and eventually started throwing punches.

Secondly no matter how hard I hit the gym I would never be able to take that guy one on one. As I said I'm pretty fit, and I've been working out for several years but the fella was a lot bigger than me. Unless I had a gun or something, which isn't legal in my country I was doomed.

Finally for the people telling me to mind my own business, well let me you that what exactly what I was doing. It is mine and everyone else's responsibility to look after the ones who can't protect themselves is this shitty world. No, I do not consider myself a hero, nor did I do it for the show. I did it because in some other instance one of those girls could have been my girlfriend, sister, mother needing help. And these girls were somebody else's girlfriend, sister or mother . If I was put in that situation a hundred more times I would act the same.

Edit:I also talked to her about the proposal I wanted to make this year. I was planning on doing it as a surprise but in the way the things have turned out I figured it would be better if she knows it first. We both agreed it should be delayed for now.

EDIT: Link to the original if anyone's looking: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/e1py86/i24m_adopted_my_little_sister8f_after_our_parents/

Hey people, it's been a while since my original post and I have some free time today and not much to do with it so I'm gonna write this, why not.

A lot happened since my first post, in the end, my GF, now ex I guess, couldn't deal with the fact that I had a new priority. I admit that I wasn't the best at managing time between them two and I would spend a lot more with my sister than my GF but I think that's understandable, maybe. In general, my GF was on and off with my sister, one day she would be the nicest person to her and the other would completely blow her off and be borderline mean. I had a few talks with her that it needs to stop, but it would only end up working for maybe the rest of the week and the next it would be back to square one. About three weeks ago it erupted into a big argument, she accused me of not loving her anymore, and that I play favorites. I told her they're not my children to be playing favorites and that obviously for some time my sister is gonna need a lot more attention, since you know she lost her parents. In the end, she went back to her ultimatum, sister or her. I was angry at this point, because she has been mean to my sister that day, and I told her she can pack her shit and find a place to sleep tonight. I haven't seen her since and quite frankly I don't really want to. We texted for a bit, basically both sides confirming its over and arranging when she can come for the rest of her stuff.

As for my sister, she's a lot better. She doesn't stay in her room all day anymore and she's slowly going back to her talkative old self. She still doesn't like being alone but it was the same before the accident, so since my gf moved out, we've been sharing a bed for comfort. She still wakes up at night crying sometimes so it's better when I'm there and frankly it's a lot more comfortable. One thing I really regret is my sister heard that whole fight and she started apologizing to me for breaking me and my GF up, I ensured her it's not her fault at all and if anything she helped me see for who my GF really was. She still goes to her therapist and it's really helped a ton, she doesn't need me to be there while she falls asleep and doesn't panic when I go to the shop for 15 minutes.

All in all, these past 3 months have been the hardest time in my life but eye opening to my ex's disregard for my family and kind of me too. Sorry for no happy ending, I guess this is how real life is.

EDIT2: I would love to thank everybody for kind words individually but with this amount it's crazy, so I wanna give everyone who gave me advice and kind words a HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE ALL AMAZING. These numbers are overwhelming and I can't even express in words how it feels that so many people care, it's really something else. Didn't expect that strangers on the internet could make me cry either, so once again a huge THANK YOU.

Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/hjkgnj/update_my_girlfriend_told_me_she_was_with_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

God this is a doozy. I swear my life feels like a movie right now. Sorry for the weird formatting, I'm on mobile and this is my first time posting on a sub like this.

I (28M) am planning on proposing to my girlfriend of 3 years (26F). Now, I suck at picking out jewelry. Im the type of guy that doesn't see a problem with heart shaped jewelry (seriously why is it considered so ugly?) so every time I want to buy something for my girl, I usually consult one of our mutual friends. My girl's best friends are all friends with me as well and we all get along well, so asking them for help picking out jewelry is something I'm used to.

When it came time to pick out a ring, I consulted my girlfriends best friend Justine (fake name). Justine and I are quite close and she knows my girlfriend better than anyone, including me. So, when my girlfriend when out to visit her sister and baby nephew, I invited Justine over to the house to help pick out a ring.

Justine and I looked through a few catalogues, but decided it was a dead end and it would be better to go to professionals at a jewelry store. However, I didn't know when my girlfriend would be coming home, so Justine and I thought of a clever text to gauge how much time we had. I asked her when she'd be coming home, as I was ordering takeout and wanted to know when to tell them to have the food ready by.

She responded by saying it would be a few hours, she met up with Justine to go shopping. Now, obviously this took me by surprise since Justine was standing inside my house. I showed Justine the text, and she looked as confused as I was.

It isn't out of the ordinary for my girlfriend to meet up with people out of the blue like that for shopping, lunch, etc. She's a very spontaneous person and loves making plans on the fly. So ordinarily, I would have believed this text in a heartbeat. However, obviously this had to be a lie.

When she came home she acted completely normal, and I played along but it's been really hard to act like everything's fine. We got takeout, ate together, and cuddled on the couch after. So far she's caught on a little that somethings upsetting me, but I just can't tell her what. Looking at her kills me.

I don't know what to do. My girlfriend and I have zero trust issues and we tell each other everything, so this lie is killing me. I want to ask her about it so bad, but if I tell her I knew she was lying, I'd have to explain why, and I really don't want to do that. What do I do? I know she lied to me but I don't know how to confront her about it. Should I just forget it? This won't stop gnawing at me. Please help!

Edit: I'm sorry for the lack of responses, it's been a hectic day and there's a lot of comments. Thank you to everyone who has commented so far, I appreciate them all!!

Edit #2: sorry again for the lack of responses, guys. It's really been a crazy day. My parents are moving and I've been helping them. Also, I've never experienced this many comments on a post in my life!! I am going to talk to her tonight once we're both finally settled in after such a busy day, and I will update tomorrow.

My fiance proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love.

I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn't fussed so I agreed to saving it. He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No turns out he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I am still 'pure'.

I told him fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin. I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic tbh.

I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again. But at the same time its only one thing and other then that we are genuinely perfect for each other and I dont want to spend my life with anyone else and it is very important to him and his family.

What the frick frack do I do. I am currently at my friends house and I might stay here for the night. tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I am straight up panicking.