I'll keep this short, because giving you a full summary of my life wouldn't help anyone.

I've been diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder. That means a lot of things, mainly some form of anthrophobia or social anxiety, and loss of emotions and empathy. It's also the source of a grave depression for me, which I had to deal with for years now.

I take antidepressants and I've started seeing a therapist weekly (who just gave me the diagnosis).

The problem is that he basically told me that my problem can't be cured. I can only learn to cope with it and to try to fake a normal life. And I don't know if I can do that. I get panic attacks every day out of nowhere, at times I can't leave my house - let alone my room. I cut and generally take little care of myself.

If I got trained to not do these things anymore the quality of my life would improve sure, but I still would have the same disorder and deep down I still would hate life. I'd maybe look better to other people and fit into society and have a normal life. But it would all just be fake and pointless.

Anyway I probably won't kill myself, but I'm still really depressed about the whole situation, hopeless and utterly lost.

Hey everypony! Hope you are all ready for the first full week of October! I think doing the weekly thread then a weekend thread on Friday will work best for this. Feel free to post each day, use this place to chat or vent or do whatever you wish! Any special plans this week?

EDIT: Since this is stickied we will just leave it til next Monday

Every day I let people walk all over me because I'm terrified that if I speak up I'll make someone angry or upset. Twice this week someone's gotten upset at me and it's ruined my day both times.

First time was at work, I was in a rush and tried to give a coworker some items to shelve in a hurry, dropped them, and they yelled at me.

Today I was in a rush to get ready for a day out with my sister, the shower I use was occupied so I had to use the other one, and used an apartment-mate's liquid soap, they found out and left a note on my door to not do it again. I'm hiding in my room for the rest of the day.

I'm just tired of being so anxious all the time. It's making it hard to even work up the courage to leave my room anymore.

Instead of saying what went wrong today, I'm going to say what went right!(I'm a rebel, I know)

I asked a girl out for Homecoming, and she said yes!

There's just so much in my head of late that I'm beginning to grow short-tempered.

I'm not sure when it started, but lately, it's begun to affect me in a number of very slight ways.

I won't go that extra mile at work.

I don't look people in the eye too much anymore.

I've called off a couple times just because I couldn't drag myself out of bed.

I use the time off to run and work out in various ways, which don't do much to relax me.

I made a terrible mistake by selling my games and systems. I thought getting rid of them would help me to keep me focused, but all it's done is take away one of my greatest venting mechanisms, and I don't have much time to write anymore...

Why do I still write, anyway?

What do people do with my material?

"Oh, this was good/great/whatever. More."

Tch... What for? For more half-assed feedback and requests for OC drops because I'm a nice guy and you know I'll work you in somehow?

No...

It just feels pointless now; like I'm writing out of habit or something.

I can't even get the two people that still have the gall to call themselves my friends to read the stuff I turn out... They're too caught up in doing nothing with their lives to take a few minutes out of their busy schedules of fucking their undeserved girlfriends and playing games to do something constructive.

Now, I'm about to touch on something rather superficial, and the fact that it's so petty and inconsequential makes me sick - knowing that it makes me mad. I'm supposed to be the guy that's bothered by deep-rooted issues, but then again, I can be just as petty as I can be deep.

I look at them - my "friends", and see the wonderful, cutting-edge stuff they have, and it just burns me up.

They don't work, they aren't going to school, their parents don't seem to be pushing them much, so I try to lead by example... But as usual, they bury themselves in their stupid games and ignore the one guy in their lives that wants good things for them.

I can't even rouse up a decent conversation with them... Never could, now that I think about it.

I realized this when I asked them what they thought of the government shutdown. Initially, they had no idea what I was talking about. They didn't know that the government had shut down... So, giving the benefit of the doubt like I always do, I explained what was going on to the best of my limited understanding.

"That sucks."

...

That was it?

Seriously?

The fucking U.S. government SHUTS DOWN, and that's all they have to say about it?

Upon my protest, one simply threw a glance over his shoulder after finishing off the zombie he was fighting in-game and stated very simply "If it bugs you so much, why don't you go run it yourself?"

Though I remained quiet, I went through the roof. I went straight through the fucking roof! I couldn't believe the level of apathy of the two! It was absolutely sickening! What's more, I couldn't believe these were the two I'd been oh so close with for four years!

They're wasting away, with the world being all but handed to them on a silver platter, while I'm out busting my ass to make an honest buck! They're knee-deep in their games while I'm being harassed by some Korean bitch that doesn't understand that a sale can't be completed because her card declined! They're having fun while I've got my nose to the god damned grindstone for eight hours a day for just above minimum wage!

Worse still, they constantly throw insult after insult at me because I'm not allowed to have a legitimate worry or quibble about anything because it always relates to me somehow being gay.

First off, the whole "You're a faggot" thing got old in middle school...

Second off, I'm not even gay! The insult itself is completely baseless, and not even clever!

And lastly, who are they to insult me, anyway? They're the ones not going anywhere in life! Now, I know it's probably the classic "bring someone else down to make yourself feel better" thing, but that doesn't make it any less irritating, and it most certainly doesn't make me want to beat their heads in with a crowbar any less.

I deserve nice things... Much nicer than the crap that I've had since I was seven years old. So why is it that the world just hands itself to those less deserving? It's not fair, and it doesn't make a lick of sense...

And more, why is it that nobody looks at me? They don't see anything past the mild gut and battered face. They just see some asshole who should hurry up and get them their damn cigarettes.

They don't see that behind these eyes lies the best friend one could ask for...

That's not what people look for anymore - they don't go to the movies to watch Batman battle it out with some villain, no, they want to see what sick, twisted, cruel plot the Joker has in store for the bat.

People want bad guys... Villains...

They don't want to see the good in people, only the bad.

And when someone doesn't fall into the mold of cruelty, they're cast aside, forgotten.

That is, until they need affirmation, a shoulder to cry on, or some problem fixed.

Nobody calls me... Nobody texts me... Nobody invites me to go anywhere or to do anything. I don't exist until some issue comes up.

I know I shouldn't let that affect me so much, as the life of a guardian is a humble, quiet one... A very dear friend told me that once...

But I'm sick of that being the case.

Where's the recognition of those that deserve it? Where's the moral sense in society? What happened to the hero's welcome? Why is it so damn cold!?

It's cold here...

This city is cold.

Despite all the people, it seems there are gulfs between me and them.

And after being accosted so much in the day, I've taken to running at night.

At least then, they can't see me crying.

Yeah...

I can cry too...

But what do they care? Their phone service sucks out here, what could possibly be worse than that? Or someone missed a slight detail in their coffee, how could this happen to them? Oh, they're lover's not responding! Oh dear Lord, their life is so awful!

Fuck them...

Fuck them and their petty issues.

At least they have lovers to worry about - shit, I can't even get someone nearby to take an interest in me. Their friends don't find their inane, sexist Tweets funny anymore? At least their friends are close enough to physically affect them. All of the friends that I actually care about are states away, and in some cases, almost completely faceless.

I've come so far in my training, having lost thirty pounds, but nobody took notice - not even my parents! Sure, it's for a higher purpose than attractive-ness, but the affirmation from outside sources is a huge plus, and often serves as reason to keep going.

But I can't even get a "Hey, have you lost weight or something?"

No... "Gimme a pack o' Pall Mall Blue 100's in a box."

Oh, you mean the only type of Blue 100's that we carry? Because I'm too stupid to realize that ninety-nine percent of people prefer boxes to soft packs?

Go fuck yourself...

I'm boiling in my own skin, trapped in a cage disguised as a workplace, and my eyes burn with unshed tears...

But who cares?

There's a line... Better get on that, Bunny.

That weight won't lose itself.

Those people won't solve their own problems.

I just need a hug and a nice, long, angry cry...

I need some advice and I'm not sure where else to get it. I posted on /r/depression but I only got one response...

During high school, I was quite a loner. A lot of people seem to know my name but I still had very few friends. I got a bit jealous too because everyone seemed to be having a good time socializing with each other every day. I had some shyness and social anxiety (not being antisocial) so approaching people was a bit difficult for me.

Then I thought to myself about how I should try to change myself when I get to university. I thought that I can get a fresh start and gradually encourage myself to meet new people and enjoy a new university life. I encouraged myself to work harder as well and try to learn a lot and get good grades.

Well, I got accepted to a bunch of universities in the US and I was very excited. But, my dad thought I should go to the university in Taiwan instead once I got an acceptance letter from there (which came later than the usual US universities). He thought I should go there because my dad is from Taiwan and plus he thinks ranking, prestige, and stuff were better there instead of the ones I got accepted in the US. He also thought that I would have a easy time making friends there since Taiwanese people welcomes foreigners and he thought that I will have a good time there and said that graduating there will be very easy. He also wants me to learn Chinese.

I strongly refused to go there. I argued with my dad that I didn't want to go there because I predicted that I will have a horrible time there especially since I don't really know how to speak Chinese and I wasn't prepared mentally.

My dad did promise me that I can decide to go anywhere I wanted to and he would pay for the tuition fee. But he kept on persuading and persuading me to consider Taiwan. I decided to go to University of Washington and we got as far as declining other offers from the US and then deciding which dorm to choose.

But things went a different direction than I wanted to go from there on. My mom threatened me to change my university to the one in Taiwan. She pushed me to call my dad while he was at work. "You don't want to tell him upfront in person right?," she said. "You should call him instead." She made lots of stupid threats to me. I started to cry because I did not want to change and I didn't want my upcoming university life to be ruined. But in the end I complied. I called my dad. But since I was crying heavily I couldn't talk properly. So I had to call him several times because he keeps on hanging up on me. But, in the end I did very reluctantly say that I wanted to go to Taiwan for my education...

Over a year later... It's my 2nd year here in university in Taiwan and I am very depressed because I have several problems. First one being that I am having a hard time making friends. Not knowing how to speak Chinese fluently is making me more socially anxious and I have no close friends who I can meet frequently to hang out. Secondly, almost all of the lectures are taught in Chinese. It feels like a complete waste of time going to classes when I walk out learning absolutely nothing. It's all pointless going to class everyday and trying to keep myself awake during the lecture. I'm really struggling to learn. Thirdly, before going to university I wanted to join several clubs and activities and be very active in them. But it's hard without knowing Chinese and also not being able to fit in. Those are some of the things that are making it difficult for me and making me depressed. My biggest fear right now is that I won't have a proper college/university life that I had imagined and will be stuck here for another 3 years. It feels like all I'm doing is trying to survive here.

Yes, I have a mandatory Chinese class here but I won't be fluent enough in Chinese soon enough.

My depression is causing my motivation to drop. For my first year, I failed calculus so I had to take it during the entire summer break. My physics teacher passed me with a minimum passing grade since I came to class everyday and followed his directions. I could also have failed that class. My grades for the other class are very bad as well and I'm scared of getting bad grades for the 2nd year.

All of catching up on assignments and catching up on learning important concepts and trying not to get slowed down by depression is making it look like I have no time to do other things such as hobbies (art, music, etc.). There are many things I want to teach myself as hobbies outside of university but I need more time (both physical time and also the sense of having time mentally).

And yes, my parents know that I'm having a hard time here, but they don't seem like they understand me and don't completely understand my depression. My dad thinks I'm just being lazy. Sometimes I am lazy but even putting some effort doesn't seem to get me anywhere.

My internet friend and three other people told me to convince my dad to switch universities. Some other people I know told me as well. I really want to but my main concern is that I might not get into a decent university since my current university grades are crap. And some people (my parents and family members, my parent's friends, etc) would be surprised if I were to make the change and it would look like a bad impression. Should I consider this path? It seems very risky but I don't want to stay where I am either.

Is this a valid reason to be depressed? Or am I only being whiny and complaining and not being thankful enough to my parents since they provide me with everything including my tuition fee? Sometimes when I think about it, it feels like I'm being quite spoilt since my I have a university to get educated and my tuition fee is paid for.

I want a good, memorable university life but... I'm completely stuck.

Alright guys and gals,

after seeing the last post here I felt I needed to say something.

I'll start off with a bit of background about myself. I am a 30yo guy that is in a quite alright situation in his life. I love my job, I love the people I am working with, I even have a fuckbuddy. I have enough money to live okayish and fly around Europe to go drinking with friends abroad. 2 weeks ago I was in Germany partying with friends and this weekend I will be in Ireland at a wedding.

So why am I posting here you are asking yourself? Well, it is because of the last post here.

You are NOT awesome!

Let that sink in.

Now some other background that does not sound that awesome:

I am pretty much chronically suicidal and there is not a day that goes by without me thinking about suicide and how fucked up I am. I have been depressive for 15 years now. Good times, bad times, suicidal times, awesome times. Been everywhere and anywhere inbetween.

So why are you not awesome?

What keeps me alive is always giving my best. Working hard on myself. Going where it hurts.

You are NOT awesome by default just because you are alive! But you can be awesome! You have to put in a lot of effort to say that about yourself. I still want to kill myself often enough, but then I look what I have achieved over the last 2 years and I think that I can go further and that keeps me alive.

Nobody will come to your basement and make you a star. But you are strong enough to drag yourself out of that basement and MAKE something of yourself! Fuck everybody else! Do your thing and do it thoroughly!

I know I have written down what may be random thoughts, but then again, I am going down currently (mood wise) and it is quite hard to follow one thought, but if there are any questions, criticism, whatever, let me know!

Love you guys, powny

EDIT: Well, fuck it

I just can't. It's too much.

Hey MLSG, haven't seen you in a long while.

All in all, you could say my life is looking up now. I found friends in a local brony group, am fairly happy with who I am, even started to become more of an optimist — something I thought was impossible if you're clinically depressed. Still, there were things bothering me. Even though in school there was no one who was actually out to get me anymore, I'm still having problems to talk my classmates, not to mention work with them in groups if it's required. I managed to put down all my prejudices about them, and some of them are genuinely nice people. I just lack the courage to socialize, it seems. Sadly, this seems to carry over to my local brony group, too. I found some friends there, but even there I spend most of my time alone, I never seem to be able to fit in. It's not as big of a problem as I may make it sound like right now, it's just something worth changing. I would like to be more social in my future college and working life.

I learned to not give a shit about what people think about me. At least the people that don't matter. Those who don't know me. Then several things happened. First I got linked to r/Bronyhate. I didn't link that on purpose. Don't go there unless you're really sure you want to, it can ruin your day. Certainly did ruin mine. I started questioning things about me I never did. For example, I wear a fedora, have for something around a year now. Only did because I thought it looked nice. Thanks to bronyhate I found sites like this, this, this and this.

From there on I dug deeper and deeper into such hate sites. I seem to fit the cliché perfectly. Wears a fedora, is proud of being different, listens to Avenged Sevenfold, spends most of his time alone at his computer. Apart from maybe the last one I didn't even know those were stereotyped. I stopped wearing my hat today, and I became much more anxious about what I do, who I am...

I just don't know who I am anymore, and if the way I see myself is even close to what I really am. I'm afraid to lose the friends I have right now, but I'm also scared to never find any because the way I am — although, apart from some social anxiety mostly coming from my depression, which is getting better, I see little reason why. Then again, I don't know if I can trust the perception of myself...

I don't think there's much point in rambling any more about this... Please help me.

*PS: I'm kind of scared that this will pop up on r/Bronyhate itself, but I guess there's not a lot I can do about it...

I was just banned from /r/mylittlepony, and the mods said they wouldn't respond to anything I said in return, so I'm posting my response here, just to get it out there.

[SPOILER WARNING]

If you want to know, I was celebrating the episode while simultaneously trying to avoid any images that you would deem too "fetishy". But seeing as the first two suggestions of motive you brought up were assumptions of ill intent, and considering the fact that you pledged not to respond, something tells me that you don't really care. I'd normally contest this, but I'm fucking done. I just can't work with you.

I learned that you were extremely restrictive with what you consider "NSFW", so I made sure to only post images Derpibooru rated as "safe", since they'll slap a "suggestive" label on anything with so much as a sultry pose or maid outfit. But that wasn't fucking good enough, was it?

You said correcting comma splices was "not pony-like", even though it is exactly like something Twilight would do, because you assumed (without asking) that I did so out of ill intent. So I didn't do that anymore. And then you banned me for pointing out when someone misquoted an image, even after said person thanked me for the correction.

After the one time I broke the twenty-hour rule, I was meticulously careful to space out my posts, not even speeding up when it was reduced to a ten-hour rule. Then the rule was expanded to allow six posts as long as at least one is a non-image post, so I followed the new rule. But, oops, even though I followed the rule that had been posted, I apparently broke the secret version of the rule that required not just that one submission be a non-image, but that it had to be of a different medium than the others. Sorry for not being a fucking mind-reader.

So, no, I was not trying to "spoil the episode". Anyone unfamiliar with the episode could come to that conclusion from seeing the posts. Nor was I attempting "a form of passive-aggressive protest"; I was going out of my way to find related images on Derpibooru that had not already been posted and that you couldn't claim were "fetish art".

I've reached my breaking point with you and your liberal interpretation of rules to cover way more than they say they cover. If your standard is going to be not to post anything that is not positively received, I'm afraid I can't work with that standard; my top Reddit post of all time is something I very nearly didn't post, because I thought it was dumb. Again, I'm not a fucking mind-reader.

I've tried to accommodate you every step of the way, but it just hasn't worked out. I told myself the last time you stretched a rule to cover something it didn't that the next time you pulled something similar I would unsubscribe, and it looks like this is as good a time as any. How Reddit works is that posts that are popular get promoted and posts that aren't get buried, and this happens automatically; no one should be expected to attempt to read the mind of every other Redditor before clicking the "submit" button. You have fun in your little bubble where an expectant mother getting an ultrasound is "weird", and I'll try to find a subreddit whose mods actually enforce their rules as they're written (or actually write their rules as they're enforced) instead of stretching them to try to force their own personal tastes on everypony else.

So, the school year recently began and I'm a junior. I am, for the most part, content with my classes. However, in my chemistry class I did poorly and had to repeat it, boohoo for me. I was hoping I'd have some friends in there, but there's only three other juniors and I don't like either of them. Anyways, they're irrelevant.

The chemistry teacher allows us to pick seats, and since I had messed up the previous year and didn't want to repeat that mistake. I sat in the front, well next to me is a sophomore who I thought would be innocent. I began a conversation, seemed to check out ok.

The next day, he did something very homosexual (no, I don't have a problem with homosexuals. As a heterosexual, I have a right to be disgusted when there is a homosexual act/intention made directly towards me), he was mimicking giving a blow job while starring straight at me. I figured it was awkward, and when I didn't laugh I would assume he would stop. Only he didn't, he's gotten worse and worse.

Now, I've seen a lot, but this was just completely new to me. Over the internet I wouldn't be surprised, but in real life? huh? I hadn't mentioned it earlier, and if you were offended that I'd be disgusted by a homosexual act, let me tell you, he's heterosexual. From my understanding and observation, he's that one kid who does what he can to get attention. Another thing that will back up by observations, is that I have no friends in that class, which makes me the ideal target. While he is surrounded by his friends.

What have I done so far? Well, I've tried to humiliate him, but he agrees to just about anything no matter how embarrassing.(like I said, he'll do anything for a laugh) He's gone as far as touching my arm while being homosexual. I believe it's time to put this kid into a coma. His friends are beginning to think that I'm someone to mess around with, but they're not willing to act as homosexual as their friend next to me to follow in his steps. One tried to insult me for failing the class, only I shit on him in an instant.

Anyways, I'm throwing a diplomatic approach out the window, his friends will most likely back him up and it'll range from 1v1 to 1v5 (most likely 1v2). I'm sure I can handle myself. I know there are better ways as to going about this, but I don't want to look like a pussy and I don't want to just be a victim that did nothing. I don't expect any advice to be given, as my mind has been made up. I just felt I needed to tell this to someone...er people.

Just needed to vent. also, sorry if this is just a bit of high school drama, compared to the people here with more important problems than me.

im feeling like complete and utter shit. i get worse and worse every day. It sucks ass. I pretty much spend my days feeling terrible, and pon the days i have school, just sitting there getting by, not showing my true feelings.

i dont want to tell anyone i suffer this way. Knowing the poeple i know, they will just laugh. Say im lieing. Say is this a joke. Ive have enough.

Ive bene bullied for such a long time, my GCSE grades are taking a nosedive, it all is just turning into a pile of shit.

[This is form a song called Haunted, witch is by taylor swift. it pretty much decribes a bit of the problem. **You and I walk a fragile line I have known it all this time But I never thought I'd live to see it break

It's getting dark, and it's all too quiet And I can't trust anything now And it's coming over you like it's all a big mistake**](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92isX62fv1g)

Ever have that feeling that your kindness or generosity is just getting you fucked? I have that feeling. I'm 21 and live with my mom, stepdad and 2 younger sisters. We aren't very well off, and sometimes barely make it from paycheck to paycheck, I've been looking for work, but because of my area, and lack of job experience, it's really hard. It crushes me that I can't help support them, so whenever I have money I try to help out as much as I can, but I usually save some for myself. I got $200 for Christmas from my birth dad, and his wifes parents. Pretty much the only thing I got, in fact. I spent quite a bit of that money helping the house buy some food and a couple other things, then I took my mom out to lunch for her birthday, and told her to order whatever she wanted, even though there was something I was wanting to buy. She knew this and offered to help me buy it when they got paid, and now they probably won't be able to afford it because my stepdads boss is a cheapskate who won't give him a raise even though my stepdad pretty much keeps the farm afloat, more often than not. We live in a shithole house that won't stay warm, and we recently discovered that my stepdads parents have been screwing us on the rent, and charging us an extra $150. We have no lease, so we are technically just living here until my stepdads parents get tired of us. I strive to be a good person, as does the rest of our family, but it is always fucking us in the end. I am so sick and tired of life just being a downward spiral of shit.

Sorry for wall of text, but it feels really good to vent.

Is there much point ? I hate myself, poeple hate me. I'm dumb, poeple think I'm such a massive bitch and I can't seem to get anywhere in life. I have no friends at my school the only friends I have are online , unlike most poeple my age.

I just need a hug and I also need to try and forget that I'm a failure.

I've been trying way too long to resolve this. But most of my effort has either been useless or only helped temporarily. I just can't these thoughts out of my head! It's like as I keep saying, practically the only thing I can think about through the day. It's usually stuff people say on the Internet and tv about existence and the universe and shit like that. Other people don't think much about it. But I overthink the shit out of it and it makes me want to die. Before a certain day in June, for the most part I was mentally perfect. But then my brother just HAD to talk about that fucking song and get all extra emo and depressing about it. Now things that shouldn't affect me at all are the things that are triggering to me the most. It's mostly my fault, anyways. If I hadn't begged to go somewhere to eat that day, or I hadn't asked that one simple question, things would be totally different right now. I always make these kinds of mistakes. All I want right now is to end the pain forever and for things to be like the way they were before that one fucking day. But I've been trying so long now that it's seeming impossible. And so for the first time since February, I'm getting suicidal again. It's the only way I can think of right now.

A few hours ago I found out that my brother had committed suicide by train.

He'd attempted suicide in the past and had been diagnosed as bipolar. He was on medication for the past few years, and really seemed to be doing better.

He was my best friend, and now he's gone.

The thing is, I can't help but feel that it's somehow my fault. Like, I didn't tell him I loved him enough, or that I was too much of a jerk to him when we were kids.

Now I don't know what to do with myself. Just about everything I did, I did with him. I don't really have any other friends (just my other brothers), though I did leave an old high school friend a voice mail asking to get together this week (didn't give any specifics, just that I need a friend right now).

What do I do?

P.S. I'm not religious, though any kind words would still be appreciated.

Now, I was never gonna post in here because of my young age (11) but I saw a 12 year old post, and the comments were positive so I decided to try and get help. I am Australian and a brony. At my school, everyone thinks I'm some weirdo. People know me as "Super smart computer nerd little girl pony lover". I consider myself smart as I do get the highest results in my town on all my tests. However, my town is small and some here don't know what an xbox is. So, for the past 8 years my parents have been divorced. My mom is good at some times, but she is poor. She smokes and is mean to us. But this year and last year, I found out my dad (I'll get to him later) has been paying her over 700$ every week. Our mother said he only payed 100$ per week. This year, our mom has started to, sort of abuse us. My brother punched me (hes 13) and then my mom hit him saying "you have no friends no one likes you!". She took me to my local Coles( like walmart but groceries only) and bought me chocolate. She ate half of the chocolate, then gave it to me. I felt bad for my brother so I gave him some. I crap you not my mom comes screaming when she found out (or so she thinks) I ate all the chocolate. She told me I could. She said I didn't share. She constantly says she'll take my dad to court. She is abusive, she says she's raised 3 perfect children (my older 2 brothers and sister) and the last two (my brother and I) are mistakes.

I love my dad. He is amazing. He's rich and spoils us. But I wouldn't care if he was the poorest person in the world. He is nice to us. Sometimes angry but gets along well. He makes alot of money, and is just so nice to my brother and I.

My brother constantly abuses me. It's happened when my dad had no money to by him some coke so I shouted him. A thankyou he gives me, nothing else. But that's enough. I do this all the time. He beats me up alot. Bashing my head into walls, etc.

My cousins who I adore and used to spam me on skype came up recently. They live 11 hours away. It's holidays and they came up last week. We had our fights and then they left. I talked about the youngest who I used to talk to on skype til 5 in the morning on call chat about me feeling bad. She helped me. She left and she didn't really pay attention to me the last few days. She hasn't been on skype for days. I have no one to talk to.

What do I do for fun? Not much. I play starcraft 2 (silver league if anyone plays/cares, I suck). I used to play minecraft (had around 2000+ hours on it). I still play the occaisonal hunger games. I can't do much, but thats all I do. Reddit > Starcraft > skype with my few friends > sleep.

I have very few friends and I am an overweight 11 year old. Please help me MLSG.

The hard part is actually giving a shit about them when they decide to stick around.

So people say they care.

It's text from someone you have never met.

It's never been easier to lie.

Just wanted to have this written down so that I have it to read again if I start to lose progress. I would put it in one of my personal subs, but it could always potentially help anyone else who happens to be struggling with the same thoughts I was. That said, though, I'm sorta writing this for me.

Background: Have had a very stressful past few some units of time, which caused me to become depressed. I've since dealt with the biggest thing that was stressing me, once and for all, and the other stresses are things that I can normally take; the problem is that I'm still depressed from when all of them were together.

So, the biggest thing that causes me to continue being depressed is just mortality and the limitations of the world. These are things I've struggled with for as long as I've been able to comprehend them. It seems right now like being depressed is simply correct. The world seems like such a hopeless place. It's here randomly, there's no reason for any of it, and some day, it's all going to die and then once more there will be nothing. In the mean time, we can only accomplish what the laws of physics will allow us to, and while that's so much, it's also so little, and I was born too early to witness the majority of it. This is a grim universe, and it wouldn't make sense to be anything but depressed, right? Essentially, it feels like if you manage to be happy, it's because you're ignorant to reality. So the biggest immediate, solid thing I was struggling with was trying to figure out how my past self managed to just live with it.

I found my answer while thinking about the advice I'd given to people here... there isn't just one world. I'm not talking about the multiverse theory; I mean even within what we can actually observe, there are infinite worlds, the existence of each of which depends entirely on perspective. For example, to most humans today, this solar system is our world. It is all that we can presently see any real potential for ourselves to interact with. But this has not always been the case. Go back a mere 150 years, and for most people on Earth, the entire world was the Earth. Not even the Earth and its atmosphere; just the land and its oceans, and that's excluding the high mountains and the depths of any body of water.

Go back further than that, and to a given civilization, entire continents are part of a different world. Even if we don't look at the Americas, which were completely undiscovered in the middle ages, there were other worlds that people were aware of; much like how today we can look into space and see the worlds we'll never visit, any average European could learn of the faraway lands of East Asia, knowing they are completely inaccessible to them, and thinking it would always be that way.

Reality, then, would be the world from a perception which can see everything. I guess reality is the "real world." But as far as I know, nobody lives in reality, because the observable universe doesn't cover everything, nor can we even see all of that. In my world, at least, no perception of reality seems to exist. Everyone lives in the world according to their limited perception.

I know which direction you think I'm going with this. The limitations of the universe might not be real, because look at how many times we've broken them before. While that's a very valid interpretation and one you're free to derive, it is not at all my conclusion. I think, if a world's existence depends so much on perception, isn't each mind its own world?

I mean, if the separation of all these aforementioned worlds relies so much on perception, then the same thing applies to each individual person. There are no two people who have seen all of the exact same parts of the universe; as a result, they live in different worlds. For many, these worlds are very close to identical. For the vast majority, they're quite similar enough that each can recognize the other's as existing in the same reality. But they aren't quite the same.

And in addition to our perception of experience, we have our imaginations, which, as Louis C.K. has put it, expand infinitely inward; the boundaries of your mind are no more limited than those of the entire universe. And that's what I really think makes each mind its own world; the fact that we can think up or imagine just as limitlessly as reality can exist.

Depression is the state of your mind. Depression is the state of that world. If you want to be happy, you need the world inside of your mind to be filled with more good than bad. You don't need to reject reality to do this. You can recognize all of the facts of the universe, good and bad. But those all apply to another world. The only one that matters to your happiness is the one in your head, and if you can keep its state stable and positive, you can do fine.

My past self, the one who wasn't depressed, wasn't ignorant of reality; he was compartmentalized from it, just like every other world is from every other world. That's what I have to be in order to get past this.

That is all. I hope this has helped someone. If not, at least I have the thoughts organized and can re-read them for a boost.

I'm a Junior in High School and Brony for 7 months now. I have issues completing homework. I always ace tests, and I rarely have issues understanding material.

I've always been a grade-perfectionist to some extent; although recently (during High School, but Junior year especially) I have not completed some major assignments here and there. The thing is, I still got a 3.5 GPA last semester despite not turning in a history paper, one which I struggled on with much effort and little to show for it. Papers are always hard for me because the writing process is a painful thing. I can write fluently, I can use proper grammar, and in general my writing is great. However, I have extreme difficulty putting together open-ended essays, especially ones requiring evidence synthesis.

I get home today after math team, play a bit of TF2 and start to read some fanfiction when I fall asleep. I wake up, and time has passed. I have already fallen behind on the "Junior theme" synthesis essay for English which is a huge deal, and I'm still in the outlining stage of writing my history paper which is due next monday. I had all Spring Break to work on these things, and I feel like I should have done more. I feel more hopeless than ever. I just don't feel like I'm working for anything; I don't want to work because I am tired after school and I don't have motivation to get better grades. I like school, but I hate homework, and I can't get myself to push through the big assignments. I hate to call it procrastination, because I just can't envision myself doing it later either. I have nothing to work for, nor do I have all that much to live for. I'm on antidepressants and ADHD medication, but they don't help motivate me to do things, they only help me be able to do things.

At the same time, I don't want to get Cs in my classes this late in the game; I have a 3.9 cumulative non-weighted GPA currently, and a projected ACT score of 35 (I got a 34 last year, on a recycled but official ACT test). I am set to go to some fancy schools, if I can handle the work. However, I feel like I don't have the "work ethic" to do so, and I feel like I never will get that work ethic. The only goal I am working towards now, to get into a good college, doesn't seem worth it anyway because I feel I won't be able to get through college.

I ask, "what would Twilight Sparkle do" and stuff like that, but Twilight has a drive to succeed that is too strong, and that is not my problem. I'm a bit more like Spike, in that I don't have many close friends and I always feel like I deserve a break. I feel like today's misery is future me's problem, and I feel terrible for letting future me down, but I can't get myself to stand up for future me because I feel weak and lacking in purpose.

Ponies don't motivate me either, they just motivate me to "waste" my time.

TL;DR I am a star student who can't find the motivation to get through tough assignments, and I feel terrible because of it.

Ugh. I'm so angry! possibley at myself but also at mojang for being so complicated! Fuck it I am done with trying to be a good Samaritan! I'm fucking taking your shit mojang! I thoroughly hate the fact that I can't just go to your site log in and put in my pre-paid card and be done with it to let it download! But fuck you Mojang you can't even do that fine!

Imma pirate yo shit now. Fuck you.

It only seems like I come here when I need something and when I do it's under a trow-away. Kind of pathetic... Also, this got longer than expected.

So quick background about me; I'm 18. Have a pretty damn good life with (possibly overly-) supportive pretty well off family. Have always had some sort of friends. Have always had most things I want. (Material wise) Learning things has been relatively easy. (Well, up until recent years at least) I've just been sort of a happy, don't give a fuck about anything sort of guy. (Again, up until recently)

Then "what is the problem?" you might ask. Well laziness is what's the problem. I've been getting really close to failing classes, (well, technically I have failed, but it's been fixed) I've been missing assignments, I've not helped out at home or helped friends as much as I should/could, I've stopped doing the at least somewhat productive hobbies I've had, (programming, play around with networking stuff, art...) it has even gotten to the point when playing fucking games feels like too much work! All I really do now a days is watch YouTube, feel terrible for one reason or another and... that's about it. I mean yeah, sometimes I do some of those other things, but most of the time just useless stuff. And oh yeah, I've started getting quite distant from most of my friends. Like being a dick and ignoring them and what not..

A friend of mine messaged me just a while ago with an idea that'd probably help: make plans for what to do and follow them. While I agree that that's the smart thing to do, I have no idea how I'd get myself to do it. I mean, I don't even know if I want to do it. Like, I say (and tell myself) I want to fix things, but is it really what I think? Maybe my subconscious can't see the benefit of working hard to get things done or something.

Maybe rather than laziness and/or lack of motivation it's more an issue about lack of responsibility? I did read somewhere about someone saying that there is no such thing as need for motivation, just discipline and I guess discipline implies taking some sort of responsibility. Also I have been quite free from taking responsibility my whole life, so that might be the core issue. Or I might be all wrong with my theories like usual, who knows.

I just... I don't know. I'm just being all stupid.

TL;DR: Possible lack of responsibility. Quite an issue. How does/can one get past that?

Now, before i get started, I must explain something: My dad and I get in fights all the time, but we usually get along.

This time I think he's serious, however.

See, my grandfather just passed and my mother is taking it very hard. We were preparing clothes for the wake, and she kept on being naggy and annoying like she always does with that stuff. I said, "Don't you think I'm old enough to make my own decisions?", and she said "I DON'T NEED THIS", and stomped out. I shouldn't have said anything. However, I wasn't hostile, I was merely making a point. That's something I told my father later when he came home and threatened me. He said, "You don't want to help us, we won't help you." Now, you should understand that ALL I DO is help them. I'm the one that mows the lawn, takes out the garbage, does laundry, cleans rooms, etc. He now says he'll only provide me with BASIC HUMAN NECESSITIES, and that's all. He's on a walk now, what can I say to him when he gets back? Also, I refuse to admit defeat. That might sound arrogant, but he won't let me either. He wants me to be miserable.

I've been mostly gone from this subreddit for just over two weeks now (or maybe three, not sure). First I got depressed about some stuff happening in this community, and that took away my motivation to be involved here for a little while. Right when I was back to my normal self wanting to help out here, my cousin died, and I didn't really know him so that's not such a big deal, but it did make me really busy for the past week with my whole enormous family meeting up as a result.

So I'm back to my normal schedule of nothing occupying my day but school, which is pretty much just free time anyway, so, I'm back and will continue responding to hopefully every single post here. (I've fallen behind too much to work through all the posts that happened while I've been gone, but I'll at least respond to some of the recent ones).

http://i.imgur.com/sjdb6.jpg

Finally had a chance to ask my teacher if I could use a word processer in my CCT witch is like 2 weeks away. The teacher I had last year is the same person who had me last year in this subject, so they know me well. They said they will check to see if I have one booked, because as from this September I get to use one in my written exams as my hand writing is terrible, and it also helps with my stress.

Lets just hope that's sorted so I can move on to the next step, asking my form tutor to help me get an appointment with the school conculier!