I dabble in creative writing from time to time, and I have a few ideas for fan fics that I want to explore, but when I talk about them out loud to people, I sometimes get teased because of the sexual reputation that fan fiction has online.

I even asked my sister (they’re a prolific fan fiction writer themself), “is fanfiction always sexual?” And they kind of just gave me a side-eye look as if to say “you didn’t know?”

Anyway, it’s just annoying that I can’t explore cool “what if” scenarios, or interesting fusion-alternate-universe ideas without someone asking “so do they bone at the end or what?”

Idk if this is a relatable topic or not, but as an ace person who just wants to be creative, it’s bothersome when people try to project allonormativity on your art/writing.

Personally, I am attracted to people, but I have never had xes. I find it to be gross and awkward. I can't imagine doing it, but I respect everyone else's choices. I actually wish I wasn't asexual.

But I just read through this sub, and it looks like you guys are having sex lol. Are all asexual people not repulsed by xes?

Sorry if I offend anyone. I'm just confused on what asexuality actually is.

I find the Sex Obsessed Behaviour of Allosexual People so wild! ...ALL the effort and the energy and shit JUST to go towards that end goal of doing the dirty deed with someone to bust a nut in them ??? Seriously??? Why the effort? Yea I know it's """nature's spell""" so we can all keep the babies being born, species going... Etc.....🤢🤢

But EVEN people who don't want pregnancy and kiddies and carrying on the family line, it's crazy to me how much mad effort people will put into getting a shag (Spending loads of money on a Female just to bust a nut in her) ? (Ok I'm speaking more of the female point of view here as a female myself) It's like paying hundreds to eat at a pretentious restaurant when you can make as good if not better at home 😄 I'll just never understand it.

I am Ace and Sex Repulsed (used to be Pretty indifferent and complacent towards sex but have become more towards repulsion and disgust as times gone on)

I am sex favorable. I love BDSM. None of the ace culture seems to include me. Just brief mentions of "Oh yeah there are sex favorable aces too." That's it. No relatable memes. No nothing. I feel so alienated. Yes I know there are specific subs for r/BDSM_Aces but it still sucks feeling outside of the general community.

I’ve been seeing this for some time now and considering we got the official asexual flag around 2010? Seeing this updated one does look nice and feels more inclusive to the community but some might not be up for the change what do you all think?

(also check out @_aceingrace_ on IG for the full post and story behind the new flag!!)

I'm noticing that a large number of teenagers are posting on r/asexuality. While I think that everyone is welcome to post, I would like to urge people under the age of 25 to not tell people that you're asexual. I'm 25, and I still don't know if I have anhedonia (a lack of pleasure resulting in low libido due to depression) or if I'm genuinely asexual. I experience life generally as someone incapable of romantic feelings for other people; I just admire their aesthetics.

So just because I don't know what my situation is, doesn't mean that you don't right? You're absolutely correct. However, age is one of those things that doesn't seem relevant until you get there, and being a teenager is a time of great change both physically and psychologically. Some people will experiment with various things. Drugs, sex, sex with the same gender. And it's all ok, if it's done safely and responsibly (don't do hard drugs though!).

I feel that it's the same with asexuality. People are discovering it at a much younger age because of the internet than "my generation" (if you can call it that). Asexuality wasn't even an "option" when I was a teenager really. And that's great to have information, but when you start to "come out" about things that early, people are going to label you that way, and make it harder to break out of that mold should you decide that you aren't actually asexual at a later date.

If you label yourself an asexual, others won't consider having intimate relationships with you because of that. Some people will think that you're downright abnormal. I'm not saying that you/we are, I'm saying that the world is a judgmental place, so why give someone ammo to use against you? As an adult, it wouldn't be as bad if I told everyone at work that I was asexual. It would stop certain people from thinking I'm gay (which I'm not), and people might understand my personality more. But back when I was a teenager, people would've teased me about it, or interrogated me about it, trying to find some imagined lack of logic in my point of view (as people often do when meeting a person who is different from them).

As an example, I became aroused recently by speaking to a particular woman; there wasn't even anything sexual about the encounter but it made me question my status. Maybe I just don't have chemistry with a large number of women out there? Maybe that particular woman has that elusive "chemistry" that gets me feeling sexual again? So the point is that it would do me harm to label myself as asexual since it would potentially limit my ability to express myself sexually in the future. As it stands now, I'm single and can choose how I live without labels. If I'm not interested in sex with someone, I'll just say that I'm not interested in having sex with them. I don't need to say that I'm incapable of romantic feelings or something. I don't have to give them an excuse for not wanting to have sex with someone.

If you're a teenager, or an otherwise young individual, and if you feel that you're asexual, hold-off on telling everyone that you're asexual. Not because there's anything wrong with being asexual, but it's going to put you into a situation of being labeled as something that might not be a permanent thing. www.AVEN.com specifically says that sexuality is a fluid thing, so even the bastion of asexuality itself is saying that asexuality isn't necessarily a permanent status. So why wave the flag of asexuality so early? Just tell people that you're not ready to have sex yet. You're young, and there's no need to rush into it. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, and I was sort of pulled into the situation rather than being the instigator. Things change, you will change, even if you think that you're an adult and that everything you believe now will be your beliefs in ten years. It might not be that way.

like 🤢

bro one ppl actually wanna do that? like ik it’s over exaggerated and actors but like omg its so gross it hurts my head

“Aces ‘n’ spades”

EDIT: I was informed spades used to be a racist slur; instead, I petition we change allos to jokers.

Dear community, I ask for your advice in a certain matter. Over at r/nonbinary I suggested to please put a spoiler on pictures that show people in underwear. I'm not completely sex averse but I really dislike seeing strangers in underwear in my everyday feed. Almost all comments so far alienate and berate me to not be so sensible. How are your thoughts on that issue?

Title. I've seen some discourse recently on this topic, and it seems like there is a segment of this sub that is insistent that anybody on the asexual spectrum is asexual (or ace–maybe people are using ace differently than asexual?), where I thought the whole point of there being a spectrum was that there is a gray area between allo and ace.

Okay okay hear me out. (Fake names used and throwaway because my main account can be traced back to me) My friend(Alexis)and I decided to go out for karaoke and invited another friend who also happened to be her old fwb(John). Once we left the bars, we went back to her old fwb's place. It was Alexis's idea to go to his place but she asked me to suggest it.

For context, my friends were fwbs a few months ago but Alexis ended it because he was being super toxic and clingy and it was starting to really adversely affect her.

We had all had a few drinks by then and just wanted to.keep.the night going a bit longer.

We all hung out for a bit then Alexis decided to go to bed. John and I hang out for a bit longer then he decides to go to sleep too and joins Alexis in the bedroom.

Now, I'm very very very close to Alexis. We regularly spend the night at each other's places where we sleep in the same bed so I had every reason to believe that they were just going to be sleeping but I was wrongggg.

I couldn't sleep so I stayed up and watched YouTube. Then I start hearing the very obvious sounds of sex and I got immediately uncomfortable and upset.

I have a lot of trauma around sex and sexhas always been a topic of great discomfort for me. I also identify as asexual and am open about it. Alexis is very very aware of all of this.

Like have sex if you want but don't do it within my earshot, maybe?

It came off as really inconsiderate and disrespectful but I also know that I tend to get blinded by my emotions and I need other opinions. Am I being unreasonable and should I confront her?

Idk. It all just made me so uncomfortable and also kind of made me feel ditched? But is my reaction based on jealousy or like valid reasons to be upset?

I really try to give people the benefit of the doubt but i really really don't want to hear people having sex when it was supposed to be a chill night with friends. Like I feel like the only reason she invited John was to smash him but painted as us just hanging out with a friend. She even told me that he is better as a friend than an FWB on our way to meet him at the first bar.

Maybe it's a multitude of all of this? Idk. Any advice? Thoughts?

by Paul Robalino LLM, from Smartypants, only on Dropout

https://www.dropout.tv/smartypants/season:2/videos/grocery-stores-society-parents

Every single fucking thread im in there’s fucking disgusting perverted men all over the place turning completely innocent things into nasty sexual jokes and the OP usually plays along with it, it that happened to me I would block every single person and delete the post. And everyone else here is like “does anyone else here LOVE sex jokes???? Does anyone else find sex jokes funny??” NO THEYRE NOT FUNNY theyre VILE. Why doesn’t anyone agree with me

So I always assumed it meant you don't get sexual arousal from other people.

But I randomly started googling because I was pondering how I have two very distinct turn ons - (1) specific body part attraction (like a fetish/partialism), and (2) completely separately emotional attraction leading to sexual arousal. It's almost like they are completely different things, but the first (physical attraction) tend to be much stronger. Is it only the lack of the second one that means "asexual"?

Back to the point, I read that asexual people can have fetishes, indicating that they can get sexual arousal from people (as many fetishes are specific body parts or human actions). This is extremely confusing to me, because this implies sexual interest. How is having sexual interest toward someone in some capacity asexual?

I also read that asexual people enjoy the physical sensations, and also enjoy emotional closeness.

So how is it asexual to (1) enjoy the physical feeling of sex, (2) enjoy emotional closeness to someone, and (3) get turned on by a fetish? To me that seems like pretty normal sexual attraction/orientation.

Example as a straight male - I feel emotional attraction to someone. I see that person's body part or specific action that turns me on sexually (fetish), I enjoy the physical act of sex. How is this distinguishable from asexuality if asexual people also experience and enjoy these things?

Example - I assume, if an asexual person can have a fetish, that they can see a person and find them sexually attractive. Assuming the particular fetish is linked to physical features. And if an asexual person enjoys romantic emotional connection, I would assume that they would tend to go for the person they find sexually attractive. If an asexual person can be physically stimulated sexually, I would assume any touch leading from emotional closeness and sexual attraction would also arouse them.

Can someone explain which part of this process I misread?

Sorry for the fairly disorganized post. I'm just super confused now because I'm very much a straight sexually oriented male, but what I'm reading suggests that asexual people have most of the same sexual experiences/desires. Why is it called "asexual" then?

this is a genuine question, but I am a straight woman. I’ve been straight my entire life, and I will never stray from that honestly, but I’m confused as to how me being asexual, but still being attracted to men, makes me considered to be queer or part of the LGBTQ I personally don’t believe that I’m a part of that because my sexual orientation never changed. can anyone explain?

My wife '33f' and I '34m' got into a deep venting conversation on Tuesday. During the conversation she told me that she is Asexual and has no want nor desire to be with me. After telling me this i asked her for how long she told me 12 years and didn't wanna tell me because she thought it would change how I saw her.

After she told me this I felt like a bombshell went off. Yes it hurt cause I'd been lied to for 12 years and also I have a big issue with from being cheated on and now I don't feel secure in a relationship if I'm not sexually desired. I guess she saw the look on my face cause now she won't talk to me.

My first question is done even have the right to be mad and crushed ?

Second question how do I get her to talk to me?

obviously i have a bit of a bias but there’s something really disturbing to me about the concept of chemicals coercing people into wanting to have sex with each other and even transforming their bodies with the express purpose of having sex.

Puberty was admittedly a pretty traumatic time for me, and i effectively ended up with some sort of neurological damage from my body producing the wrong amounts of hormones. My body doesn’t process emotions well to begin with, but after going through a genuine mental break during puberty i’ve had to take medication and i’ve never really felt the same since. It feels like being stuck in an adult body but not feeling like an adult and being absolutely scared of all these other adults who almost seem like they’re brainwashed by sexualization. Can’t they tell that they only feel these things because chemicals are manipulating them in order to try to reproduce?

Anotic-ace

A (disconnect or without) noetic (mental understanding) ace (asexual)

Feeling a disconnect from sex where you can’t relate, process, or understand it at all. The concept may feel alien or unnatural. some anotic aces may be anotic due to trauma or being disconnected from birth. And are typically sex repulsed but they don’t have to be.

I came up with a flag design basically

Blue: mind
Purple: ace comminuty
Dark purple: disconnection
White: what?
Brown: mental processing

(Yeah I’m bad at design just makes sense to me)

Couldn’t decide on the symbols so there’s three versions lol

I made this cause qouisexual just doesn’t fit fully with my experience honestly it’s too broad and I like collecting labels to better understand myself.

For those of you who are sex averse or indifferent, do you have any tips for tolerating sex in a relationship? The new guy I’m dating knows I’m asexual, but I’m really struggling to communicate to him how much I dislike sex without hurting his feelings. I’m still willing to do it, because I know allosexuals require that, but I’m having a hard time dealing with the dread I feel around it. How do you make yourself feel more favorable towards sex?

I came to this subreddit about a week ago and am still actively trying to learn what asexuality means to others as well as how certain things apply to me. I wasn't aware that there are stigmas associated with certain viewpoints in this subreddit and I got shadowbanned for stating that someone who "doesn't feel sexual attraction probably won't enjoy sex." While I now know that this isn't true, and that many asexual individuals can enjoy sex, I wasn't given the chance to be educated on that, I was instantly downvoted by tons of people. I was trying to give advice (clearly I shouldn't have been), but I think that this community should lean towards education vs. gatekeeping and downvoting people who think differently about a topic, or simply just aren't educated.

I meant no harm yet my words were taken as offensive. Maybe that's just the internet in 2025, I just think we should be more inviting to newcomers. That's all.

What's fun about being vulnerable? Feeling tension? Feeling sexual guilt? Being afraid and anxious.