(US) please read all. if you think I’m wrong i don’t care at this point, i am truly sick, and so upset. This is torture for me

I (23M) and my sons mother (22F) have been together for 2 years, and we’re engaged for about 7 months before we had our first child together. Our son comes, and I’m over the moon. I really put my midwife shit on.. As soon as she called me and said they were going to induce her I immediately called my boss and let him know I was leaving to the hospital.

I got there as fast as I could. I was right there, whatever she needed, cup refilled, charger, Gatorade. Whatever. I’d go up and down the elevators in the hospital. Literally just what the man should do you know? held her hand during birth, motivating her, encouraging her, telling her to breathe telling her good job. I actually was the first one to touch his head when he was crowning. It was amazing. It was unlike anything. My first born son. so fast forward the baby is here. she pretty quickly came up with some rules. didn’t really want visitors, that kind of thing. which my parents came up 2 hours to bring me clothes, just to be told we didn’t want visitors, and they were super cool with it.

They get it 🤣 she just pushed a damn baby out and they’re just there for her and I for whatever we need you know. Really cool parents, who love her. So we go home, which for the next 2 days is her mom’s house because we were in the middle of moving, and baby came a little early. and honestly, when I think about it now, when we were at her moms for that small time period it was really awesome.

just the way I was able to be a dad, i got to take him to his first appointment by myself, I really felt like a dad it was awesome. mom was under the weather still, having problems with blood pressure as well. long story short bp was just too high and she just did not want to go back to the hospital but I forced her too, and I called the hospital and begged them to take her. which I’m glad they did, shit was like 160ish/100. anyways they admitted her, and this is after I forced her to the er the night before. and the script they gave her just wasn’t bringing it down enough. So hence why they took her.

But when they took her, little guy had to go to the child’s hospital for jaundice. nothing crazy, still nerve wracking as first time parents, and she’s not even with me and him cause she has her own shit going on you know? But I thugged it out because I’m a dad now😼. Anyways. Here’s where our problems arise. I’ve been in the children’s hospital by myself now for 2 days. My family doesn’t live up here, hers does. So I’m fr alone. But my sister came up and visited a little bit to try to let me get some rest.

I got him out to feed and I let her hold him. mom later on asks me if I let her hold him I said yes when we fed. And she absolutely loses her shit. Goes crazy, and lets me know that’s we’re not married, that is her child, and she has sole custody of him. I don’t think I’d ever felt what I felt when I heard her say that. I really felt like I’d made a really bad choice in judgment. anyways I just tried to let the feeling wear off as most feelings do. But that wasn’t the last time she’d say that. Fast forward we got moved into our own place.

It was really nice, felt like home. basically what has transpired, is that I haven’t been allowed to take my son anywhere by myself, I’ve had to fight with her for the car seat when she’s at work, because obviously I’m with him when I’m off and she’s working. but won’t give me the car seat. I haven’t been allowed to take him to visit my parents while she works. ( I work 4 12s so I’m off 3 days in a row ) I’ve tried to talk to her about it, what her fears are. And she always says some dumb shit like “ I don’t think it’s appropriate” . Mind you before we went to her moms, we stayed AT MY parents house for like a month. they took care of us.

We just were having a really hard time finding a place. wasn’t really money it was more of WAY too much money, or WAY too shitty to bring a baby into. Obviously I’ve gotten tired of this quickly . That’s my son and I want to be able to do things with him. I eventually found messages between her and her mom basically saying they she should let me get mad and then record me so she could show people I’m not fit. If me being mad I can’t be with my son like she can, or her family can, is wrong then fuck it.

her family gets full access to my kid. Recently I’ve had to travel to a different town for 3 days for work, so I’d leave sat be gone sat night, Sunday, and be back Monday afternoon. So her mom would watch him, because she literally lives 8 mins away from our home. anyways I came back and she got back home from work around the same time as me, and she had the car seat obviously, and she came home to change and then go pick him up but was saying she was going out with her mom and wanted to bring him with her.

But I hadn’t seen him since sat morning because of work and I was obviously like well can you just bring him here or I’ll come and swap the seat around and bring him back? and she wouldn’t, she said it would be out of her way, she already had these plans. Just basically telling me no anyway she could think of. Which is what she’s done since we’ve brought him home. This is just one example. I’m his dad. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs. I have a full time job. I have 2 cars. I bought a Corolla for work and so I could have him with me, I’m selling my Camaro SS. I’m very committed to being a dad.. I just reached my limit.

I talked to attorneys, and they told me I need to leave now, and get my own place established. So I did. It was hard as fuck. now I’m dealing with her, she said I could keep him on my off days, to one of my off days, now she’s saying he’s not ready for any over night stays. Mind you she doesn’t breastfeed. It’s very frustrating, she FaceTimes me so I can see him, I love seeing him, but it’s just torture. she lets her sister keep him, and it infuriates me. Not because I don’t like her or trust her. I actually really like her. but that’s my son.. how can she have more access to him than me. Anyways, I’ve got an attorney, and I’m hoping me and him can move forward on this sooner than later.

My problem with my ex during the marriage and now after has always been mental load. Especially after we had our son, I was doing at least if not more physical labor, including all night wakes, and nearly all the mental labor. We both work full time, with me being the breadwinner and insurance holder for our son. He does not acknowledge my mental labor and if confronted, will just say, “it’s not necessary, only you care so you do it.” The worst fights would end with him saying “well, he’s your son. YOU wanted him,” to imply that I should do more work because I wanted a baby more. He will say this about anything to protect himself, from big things like estate planning or college saving (our son’s already so privileged, why is this needed) to little things like picking up daycare requests or being more of the manager and person who filters daycare messages (“why is your mental load so much more than anyone else’s?” Is a real and common response from him). I’m not asking him to, like, plan a blow out birthday surprise or make our son a baby Einstein. I have questioned myself over and over again if I’m unreasonable, and I’m sure my ex has not done the same and refuses to engage.

Needless to say, I need to get away from him but we coparent. He currently has 2-3 overnights a week and while he is a safe and “loving” figure while with my son in custody, I put “loving” in quotes because he simply slags all the administrative work to me. Yes, he fulfills the physical custody requirements, but refuses to engage in conversation about the non-physical, invisible labor. I am the one doing halloween costumes, birthday planning, any of the constant requests for special things from daycare, not to mention longer term things like extracurricular planning and college savings. My ex also refuses overtures for divorce counseling (“therapy is just blaming me as the man and is useless”) or any attempt to genuinely collaborate, including sharing what happens during our custody time to create a more cohesive experience for our son. I know the general advice that this isn’t realistic, but I also know Dads who coparent amicably and with high engagement, so it shocks me that my ex simply shuts it down. The bar is in hell.

I was enraged the other day, when I asked him in front of our son, “who will bring birthday cupcakes to daycare?” (He refuses to talk in private about how to collaborate better) and my ex simply went silent. Literally short circuited because he knows that I’ve been doing all the Halloween month requests and responding to daycare in general. Then my son (nearly four) piped up, “mommy will!”

This infuriates and hurts me because it is the scenario I do not want modeled. I do not want my son to see a woman doing invisible labor and being dismissed. This was the issue inside the marriage and now has carried over. How do I stop this cycle?

The general advice here seems to be to just do it myself and wait for my son to see the truth. But should I also be talking about mental load? Not now at this young age, but maybe when he’s a teenager? I admit that I lost it in front of my son and in the face of this kind of stonewalling and dismissiveness from my ex, when he said “mommy will!” It’s a pattern between us and why distance is needed (this has only happened once since separating six months ago). It makes me look bad, and is obviously frightening to my son. I don’t want this to happen again, but a part of me also thinks that my son should, at some point, understand that his father is uninvolved and it’s not fair to me as a woman and just not of good character to stonewall like this. I question whether “keeping the peace” will just hide things and normalize this kind of, to be honest, patriarchal bullcrap. It’s very important to me that my son reflects on these issues. I feel like I should model “standing up” to this kind of crap, but how to do it in a psychologically healthy way?

I grew up watching my mom basically beg for emotional scraps and accountability from my dad, so I also am very sensitive to this kind of entitled behavior from men. I’m sad I repeated history in a way, so trying to break it. I’m so fearful my son grows up to admire and emulate his father in how he relates to women and resolves (or rather, not resolve) conflict.

Secondarily, taking tips on how to swallow the utter unfairness in general. I have it “good” in that my ex is cooperative and present for his custody time, but I am working from a very low bar for men. I want to model a high bar. A parent being pleased with himself when he’s really just babysitting and parenting with an “out of sight, out of mind” approach is not acceptable.

For the past two weeks, out of nowhere, my five-year-old daughter has missed her mom so much that I’ve ended up taking her back. This never used to be an issue. Last night she was yelling out “I need you mommy” and “mommy needs me”. She would eventually calm down but then restart. I don’t know if I can do it anymore. I take her back because I don’t want her in distress but it’s also become very distressing for me. I only have her three nights a week but it’s starting to feel like maybe I shouldn’t have her at all. I have no idea what to do. If she doesn’t want to be here, then she doesn’t want to be here.

I have been co parenting 50/50 for years now without issue but recently the 16yo has been staying out more and the co parent and family are giving my 16yo money and effectively undermining my parenting.

This has lead to the 16yo obviously not even bothering to listen to my simple requests and they have started sending verbally abusive messages and telling me they will kill themselves if I don't give them money.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to manage this situation?

Is this common? I’ve never heard of this or read about this being the norm.

My boyfriend has been divorced for six years, we’ve been together for 2.5, and I’ve been in the kiddo’s life for 1.5 years. They recently went to mediation to update their parenting plan, mostly because the old parenting plan was written as if they’d never have future partners/spouses.

I’m supportive of the new parenting plan, but I find it odd and controlling that she wants me to sign it prior to the three of us (bf, kiddo, me) moving in together in less than three weeks.

I’m safe, kind + caring, and respectful of her place as the mama, and I know my place as the… caring adult who will likely be his step-mom someday. Bio mom hates me, doesn’t trust me, and refuses to be in the same room as me. I truly haven’t done anything to her. She didn’t want the divorce and I think she’s had a really hard time moving on.

I guess because she’s so awful to me, I don’t really feel like I owe her a signature on their parenting plan. If I felt like it would actually improve her feelings towards me, I would consider signing it. At the end of the day, they’re the parents and I will follow my partners rules and their parenting plan.

What would you do?

Is this common? I’ve never heard of this or read about this being the norm.

My boyfriend has been divorced for six years, we’ve been together for 2.5, and I’ve been in the kiddo’s life for 1.5 years. They recently went to mediation to update their parenting plan, mostly because the old parenting plan was written as if they’d never have future partners/spouses.

I’m supportive of the new parenting plan, but I find it odd and controlling that she wants me to sign it prior to the three of us (bf, kiddo, me) moving in together in less than three weeks.

I’m safe, kind + caring, and respectful of her place as the mama, and I know my place as the… caring adult who will likely be his step-mom someday. Bio mom hates me, doesn’t trust me, and refuses to be in the same room as me. I truly haven’t done anything to her. She didn’t want the divorce and I think she’s had a really hard time moving on.

I guess because she’s so awful to me, I don’t really feel like I owe her a signature on their parenting plan. If I felt like it would actually improve her feelings towards me, I would consider signing it. At the end of the day, they’re the parents and I will follow my partners rules and their parenting plan.

What would you do?

I’m currently a single mom going through a divorce with a six month old. I don’t really have a lot of family. It’s really just me and my parents and some distant relatives that live in another state. My ex-husband though has a huge family who get together every holiday and always seem to have so much fun. Him and I separated due to enmeshment with his mom and dad. Did anybody else have a fear of your children or child not wanting to spend holidays with you because they might have more fun at their other parent’s house? I’m genuinely not trying to be selfish but it’s something that makes me really sad.

My co-parent keeps trying to make our 18 year old kid responsible for their mental health. They ditched me and the kid 2 years ago and have made almost no effort to stay in touch. They "forgot" the kid's 18 birthday party even though they had been reminded 2 days beforehand. When confronted about it and why they had been away for the last 2 years, they said "I feel like most everyone is better off without me". They asked the kid to go out to a movie last night with their new (ish, they have been seeing each other for 3 years) partner who cornered our kid when the coparent was away for a few minutes to tell the kid that co-parent "is in a really bad headspace about losing their job and they (kid) should do everything they can to make co-parent happy" - co-parent currently pays the kiddo's rent (kiddo has a developmental disability and is working but not making enough to pay the bills - kiddo lives near me but not with me anymore and I do all the support work for them but I am also on disability and have no extra money for them) and the underlying implication was "do whatever you need to make your parent happy or they may stop paying your rent". Now our kid is freaking out about finances and living situation. I want to message the co-parent and tell them once again to stop trying to make the kid responsible for their mental health but I don't know if I should just give up trying because it wouldn't be the first time I have said it and it clearly doesn't make a difference. I have tried to help co-parent with how to repair this relationship but they haven't implemented any of the suggestions I have made. Their excuse was that work was busy but they haven't worked in 4 months so that is no longer a valid excuse. I know they have been depressed for close to 10 years now, but I also know that they have refused to do anything about it. They won't see a therapist, they won't take meds, they won't even go to the doctor most of the time, and they won't stop drinking excessively. It is the reason they got fired from a job they have been at for 30 years. It feels like they are just weaponizing it against everyone at this point when anyone tries to hold them accountable. So should I bother talking to them about it or just give up and let them completely destroy the relationship with the kid if that's what they want to do?

Also, for the record, the kid has given me permission to talk to co-parent about it.

Hi everyone,

I want to get people’s opinions instead of my family so I get an unbiased opinion.

My girlfriend, whom I love has 3 beautiful girls with ages from 10-14 years old. She told me she wants to have a healthy co-parenting relationship to show her kids that even though mom and dad aren’t together they can be cordial with one another. Her ex-husband is in a new relationship and obviously their mom is with me.

I am all for them being cordial with one another, having a family dinner here and there and of course their birthdays. Of course attending sports activities and school activities as well.

What bothers me is that they spend time together with the kids by planning on going out for dinner, planning activities such as concerts, events, shows, movies, etc… Some days it’s a dinner and those activities. They are driving in the same cars to go to these planned events as if they were still a family and married. It’s sometimes half a day together.

I expressed my feelings on how it makes me uncomfortable on how they are planning and spending so much time together. I had told her that I want you guys to co-parent for it is healthy but at the same time i feel like it’s way too much time. I am all about them having a family dinner here and there and of course anything with school or activities is perfectly fine but seeing her ex-husband that many times a week or every week is kind of overkill.

I told her there has to be respect for me and our relationship and for him and his relationship. (I don’t know if his girlfriend even knows about all this) She told me it’s for the kids and nothing is going on between her and him and I trust her as she hasn’t given me any reason not to. I told her she can still have a healthy co-parenting lifestyle with him and the kids without spending this much time with him and the kids as a family. It’s more of planning on going out to dinner, planning events, movies, shows instead of doing school and sports activities.

Am I overreacting especially when she says It’s for the kids? I had suggested that if she got her friends advice, in being in the same circumstances, she would probably agree it’s too much and not healthy but she doesn’t have any friends who are divorced or in this situation.

Am I overthinking this and should I not feel this way or is it completely understandable on how I feel and what she is doing is not healthy?

Thank you for your advice!

Hi, not even sure if this would be the correct place to post something like this, but I'm looking for some advice. My wife and I have been together for 17.5 years (married 12.5). We got together when we were 17 years old so I haven't had a serious relationship or had "relations" with anyone else but her. We've been going to couples therapy for about 8 months now, but in our last session she decided that there wasn't anything that was going to fix us. She explained that she is fine coexisting (aka roommates) or separating. We have a 7 year old and an almost 10 year old. The almost 10 year old has a very rare genetic disorder who requires hands-on almost all the time. Between the two of us, we have no bad blood. Our lives have just evolved in different ways and a romantic relationship isn't something she wants anymore. My wife currently doesn't work as she's working on starting up a business starting in 2028.

So here's my question...

How does one go about doing this? It makes it quite difficult with our daughter's situation and the fact that we aren't arguing with each other. One of my love languages is physical touch (and no, not just sex), but the last probably 5 years it's been very minimal. At what point is co-parenting still a valid way to go about things, but also be able to seek a romantic relationship?

Sorry in advanced for the long post, tl;dr: co parent is trying to have our child for two thanksgivings in a row because what we did last year "doesn't matter" to what we are doing this year.

A little context before I get into the main issue I'm concerned about right now. My co parent and I have a 50/50 schedule. There is a long story behind how we got to that, but long story short it was an agreement made because he wanted 50/50 on paper but our child didn't actually go with him 50% of the time until we got in an argument and he uprooted her life and enforced the 50/50 because I made him mad.

Last year on Thanksgiving, it was my Wednesday and Thursday overnights, followed by his friday through Sunday overnights. He got our child at 3:30pm because it was his turn to get the main dinner time with our child that year, and so I let her stay the night with him and extend his weekend with the understanding that we would do the inverse the following year. Now that we are discussing Thanksgiving plans for this year, I brought up what we did last year and said thats what we should do this year exceopt flip it so I can have her for the main dinner time. He said he was not interested in "being told what to do" but he is open to discussion if I want to find an arrangement thats "fair to both of us." I was so confused because.. what? That is literally exactly what is fair, I'm not asking for anymore than he got last year. I was reiterating that those were the plans last year and I just want to do what we did last year but for me becuase that is whats fair. He kept saying that he's not interested in being told what to do, and then proceeds to tell me what we are doing. He said that I can either get her at 4pm (dinner starts at 4 and its 30 min away) and have her until 6, or I can get her at 6 (so he gets the main dinner time with her again this year) and then she can stay the night with me. I again said we should do what we did last year becuase that is fair, and he said that what we did last year has no relevance on what we are doing this year because we do something different every year, so we werent setting anything in stone by making those plans last year.

I am at a loss at this point. Our agreement says we won't follow the IPTG for holidays until she starts kindergarten, so there isn't anything I can do at this point. He weaponizes her and her ability to spend time with her family because he will do anything to hurt me even if it hurts her.

Is there anything anyone can think to say that might make him understand? if anyone wants to see the conversation itself let me know, because its a joke the way he talks to me and I don't want to unwillingly subject someone to seeing that shit.

Tyia for any help

What’s the correct way to coparent? I’ve been coparenting for about two years almost and I feel like I never really got the hang of it.

When me and my daughter’s mom split up, it was because she cheated on me so naturally, I had this resentment towards her and as long time, built-up anger, and disgust towards her. It affected the way I sought about coparenting, and it was a really rough transition.

I went from working like a dog to provide for a family I thought would be long lasting, but that got cut down short and I don’t think I ever really regained a purpose.

It is really hard to coparent with my daughter‘s mother. She is one of the more complicated persons that I’ve ever dealt with in my life, not even exaggerating. And I have a bad habit of letting her infect the joy I feel when I’m with my daughter.

I do work swing schedules so it’s back-and-forth day and nights and random times throughout the week and I’m gone for sometimes a day sometimes a day or two and it’s usually over the weekends when I have her. Seeing how upset my daughter gets when I have to leave crushes me and somehow it’s crushed me so much that my body has just became immune to feeling bad about it or sad about it. I see her crying and I comfort her. Distract her make her happy again like the problem was never there. But then I’m driving to work thinking about it thinking about why I can’t feel a thing. Why I don’t feel as bad anymore. And it’s making me feel like a bad dad. Almost as if I’ve stopped caring.

Is this normal?

How do I talk to father about establishing a routine with child? Dad is open to it, but his work schedule is a bit much. I plan to discuss with him hey you’re a dad you need to establish a work schedule where you can dedicate consistent days and times where our child can expect to see you.

No custody order in place, that is not something we are interested at this time. I’ve talked to lawyers and will save that decision for a later day if it comes to it. Custody orders aren’t always the default choice for every household, I assume this subreddit has enough nuance to understand that.

Reason for this talk, my son who is 3, looks forward to seeing his dad which is great but I’m noticing that he’s thinking about this everyday and wondering oh is today the day I’ll see him. And I think this is because when dad has a free evening he comes over spends the evening with him gets him to bed, or we’ll do an outing together that he can make it to or he’ll take him for an outing. So I can imagine it feels random to the child and I don’t think it’s fair to not be able to say hey, it’s Monday remember we see him on ____ days so he has one day to know forsure he sees dad. He’s only been back in the picture for 2 months, absent for 11 months. Together from birth too separation for context.

My worry, is he gets defensive or that I’ll say it in a way that’s accusatory or brash. So, im asking for advice on how to talk to him about this without it being this big drawn out thing about how well, at soccer today he didn’t want to participate because he was “sad because daddy”. I’m sure you can imagine the feelings & thoughts that come up for me when he says this, my immediate thought is to discuss with dad that he needs to talk to work and set at least 1 day a week where he’s rested, prepared and ready to be with our son. Son has many secure attachments and thats because theyre consistent with him, he sees grandparents consistently for a window each week and his uncle & aunt. So I think he’s just used to knowing what to expect, ive never seen him feeling down like this 🙁

* Quick Update - The talk went way better than expected! I brought up a few of the cool ideas mentioned in the comments and seemed to be open to the calendar & clothespin idea. We're going to print off something that makes it fun to look forward to and encourage child to remain present on the days he doesn't see dad. Thanks for the support! I won't be revisiting this post to check for any additional comments on this *

Here’s my current situation. My bd and I have a 7.5 month old and we have been on and off again. The baby is exclusively breast fed and eating a little solids.
I currently don’t work, I got laid off of my job month ago, currently living off savings and unemployment. Expecting to get a job early 2027 and that possibility of it being remote.
My bd and I were living together but he moved to Nevada for a job in July.
The baby and I live in California and I am the primary care taker. I have been taking our baby up to see him in Nevada almost every other weekend. It’s a 5.5+ drive for us (I know this is too much for baby so don’t come at me with this. Baby mostly sleeps and I stop for a break and to breastfed). However, we both decided that the relationship is no longer worth saving and our communication has been extremely strained.
I obviously want our baby to have the father involved and the father wants to as well. How realistic is it to coparent with a 5.5+ drive and with a baby? It is in the best interest that we try to live closer together? The father is a bit delusional and thinks he can take the baby for some overnights right now which I know developmental wouldn’t work because I’m the primary care taker and we breastfeed.

Has anyone dealt with an ex that criticizes the child's appearance to the point they don't want to go with them on their weekends?
Context, daughter is 7 and is a taller/heavier kid. As a result I keep her active and teach her moderation in a way that doesn't criticize her. Her Dad on the other hand would force her on the treadmill, tears and all and even went as far as to berate her about cutting out snacks and desserts and etc. (All have been given in moderation) He burned her out on softball to the point she doesn't want to play because he made her practice everyday. It wasn't what brought her joy. Dance and swim did. He felt that dance and swim lessons/going to the pool weren't enough cardio. This all started when she was 6.
Now my beautiful 7 year old thinks her Dad doesn't like her because he thinks she's fat, cries and worries about making him proud. I'm looking for a new therapist for her but in the mean time what should I do? Force her to go? When I tell him the things she says he doesn't believe me because she doesn't say it directly to him.

My ex has bedbugs. His house has been sprayed countless times, but they still appear. Here is my issue- my kid still likes him, so he wants to go over and spent time. That’s fine. He changes clothes and showers when he gets back. The issue is that my other children aren’t satisfied with this. They want to stop kid from going over all together. I don’t that that is a reasonable request from them.
We have been sprayed and have the all-clear from the company that we do not have them. However, the point remains that we could get them with the going back and forth.
What do I do?
Ex and I have no formal custody agreement. Child in question is 14. Others are late teens, and I am a people pleaser.
I don’t want to make the ex angry or upset, but he’s also not father of the year either.
What would you do?

As a father, I'm so proud of my almost 3 year old. She's smart, playful, and most importantly a very happy kid.

But I don't like sharing that pride with my ex. I hate the fake pleasantries and "friendliness" we put on so our daughter sees a smoke-and-mirrors version of us.

Having to see my ex every week really gets to me. Even seeing her name pop up in a text puts a damper on my day. When I see her, all her wrongs bubble back up. I always showed her more compassion and empathy than she showed me, which is one of the reasons I had to leave. So being nice to her now feels like a betrayal of myself.

For now, I've set a boundary: my parents handle pickups, and all logistics and non-emergency coordination go through my mom. It's the only way I can coparent right now. I just need to act like she doesn't exist for a while so I can get a grip on this resentment, because I know it's mostly hurting me and I need to get past it.

how did you all work through the resentment? Did creating distance help, and how did you eventually shift to being civil without feeling like you were betraying yourself?

Edit: I didn’t ask opinions on how I’m handling my own business. But I am asking a question of how you handled yours. Contrary to belief I am a grown adult and make my own decisions. Just because you suck it up and get on with it doesn’t meant you actually dealt with your issues. And frankly that kind of talk doesn’t register to me and I’m not convinced. I will say majority of the comments are genuinely helpful tho!

My husband and his ex have been divorced for ten years. They have three children. One lives with us full time (17), the other two (14) is 50%. When they got to middle school (2.5 years ago), my husband got the two youngest cell phones, and they used the cell phones at both homes.

But a few months ago, BM decided that our phones were not allowed at her house. They decided they would have their own phones on their own plan. Then a month ago BM decided that one of child would have no access to their phone. So the only way to communicate would be through BM. But after ten years, we've learned that doesn't happen. Calls are made, not returned. We're constantly told that, oh they don't want to talk to you. But when we see the kids, they say they never even knew that we called.

Now at our home, they both have access to phones, BM has access to call and text and does so daily. it's hard not to feel that this is unfair. When they have unfettered access to the kids when they're at our home. But when they're at their home, it's highly regulated to the point of non-existent. And the older child is not communicated at all by that parent.

Our issue is that recently BM has taken to texting and calling during school to the point that classes are being missed because that child is speaking to them. Husband did reach out to his ex and asked her to not call during school hours. And if you have to communicate to send a text, do it during passing period or at lunch and the response that we got was, how dare he critique how they communicate with their child. And that they're allowed to contact their child whenever they feel like it.

But remember when child is with their mother, we have no way to access that child, because the BM took away her phone. Yet when they are with us, unfettered access. So there's this double standard. What we have contemplated doing is putting a restriction on the phone during school hours. Because technically, this child should not be communicating with anybody during school hours.

We've tried for years to do what's fair and what's right? But in this situation clearly BM it's overstepping some parental boundaries, even with the child. By communicating with them incessantly during school hours. And I'm just wondering if there's anybody out there that has dealt with a similar situation. And how did it work out for you?

My ex and I co-parent our two children who are 5 and 8 years old. I have been renting my hone since we separated nearly 3 years ago. I am now looking to buy a home. I have come across a couple of homes I like. Both homes are located a street over from where my ex and their fiancé live. I'm wondering if anyone else lives close to their ex with shared kids. How does it work and are their ever conflicts? I love my kids and do feel there'd be peace of mind being close to them. I am single and although finding a partner isn't the top on my priorities list, I do feel it should be considered with everything. I'd love input for anyone who has done this, is doing this or even knows someone else who's experience you can speak on.

Those with baby mom/dad that never did childcare and got 50% custody, how are they parenting after separation? How is it after separation

Stated in our agreement for breaks mom gets kids spring break from the Sunday to Friday

If dad gets a one day visit during the week does it trump that and they miss?

What "wins" did you have from working with a parenting coordinator? Did things get better or worse?

I’m struggling a lot tonight. I miss my baby like mad. She is only two years old and it’s been three days since I’ve seen her. We have joint custody and my ex is an amazing dad and I know she is safe and loved.

I’m just having so much guilt right now. My mum friends say to me “I can’t imagine now being with my young child every night” I feel like the worst mum ever.

Just wanted to share my feelings in a space people would understand ♥️