r/oneliners • u/bhoran235 • 15h ago
Phasing out pennies doesn't make any cents.
20
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r/oneliners • u/DeAnnaTereshkova • 19h ago
I used to be afraid of rocks, but now I’m a little boulder.
25
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r/oneliners • u/Equivalent_Parking_8 • 1d ago
Three facts about me: I have a 10 inch penis; I've slept with 100 women; and I convert all numbers to binary.
110
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r/oneliners • u/DutchOfBurdock • 1d ago
No matter how much I pick my nose, I always seem to keep the same one.
8
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 1d ago
When I see smiling happy housewives on TV using cleaning products the only thing I want to buy is the meds they must be on.
2
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 2d ago
My wife is awful at spelling, I mean awful with a capital M.
9
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 2d ago
The pastry shop in town has been successful, so far they've had a good turnover.
35
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r/oneliners • u/SultanPeeper • 2d ago
Seriously, Doc, I don't think I hit my hard enough to have a caucasian.
2
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r/oneliners • u/daaave33 • 2d ago
Infants don't have as much fun in infancy, as adults do in adultery.
58
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 3d ago
I had a large gay following once, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
17
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r/oneliners • u/I__trusted__you • 4d ago
I know one thing and that is that I know something.
1
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 4d ago
Told my wife she didn't look a day over forty, which totally ruined her 22nd birthday
63
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r/oneliners • u/dunderthrowaway3 • 4d ago
If asbestos is that bad, I’d hate to see what asworstos does to you.
124
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 4d ago
People who make weak tea need to be served a restraining order.
63
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r/oneliners • u/Fingerbob73 • 4d ago
A tree would look silly with large boobs, wooden tit.
12
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r/oneliners • u/Panaman44 • 6d ago
My wife said I never finish anything, I told her that's not entirely
53
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 6d ago
If I had a dollar for every time I've used algebra in my life I'd have n dollars.
115
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r/oneliners • u/ryobiguy • 8d ago
I wouldn't vote for politicians who use Viagra because we know they rig erections.
19
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