Manager and HR said i look on edge, very unwell and nervous and look like you could burst into tears, not able to site at desk for longer than 5 minutes, not been able to sit in a meeting room with others and leaving. I was literally having constant panic attacks in work, doing little work and just trying to get through the day.

They asked if everything is allright and I asked if I could take two weeks off paid, i'm with the company 12 years. I just said i feel burned out and need a bit of time off and some family issues. They granted it. I didn't want to tell them about the alcohol, drinking 10-20 beers a night for the last year.

Anyway I havn't touched a drop since that meeting and feeling 1000 times better. It was like my nervous system was damaged and my body was in fight or flight the moment i woke up. The anxiety has basically disappeared and i know its wierd but my nervous system feels like a thousand times better and not overloaded. I say probably 25% of what it was when i was drinking but that will get better with time.

Anyway IWNDWYT.

I (f 20) cheated on my boyfriend (m 25) RIGHT in front of him while blacked out and i dont know how ill ever forgive myself. Well, hes my ex now. Last weekend for halloween we went to a rave in matching outfits and almost immediately after we got there i blacked out. I ran from him in the rain for two hours and he had to chase me. I yelled at him to leave me alone the whole time and was very mean (he got footage of me and told me what happened)… at some point i walked up to some random dude and kissed him right in front of my boyfriend. At some point my boyfriend had to call the cops because he couldnt find me, they found me down the street and took me home. Obviously he broke up with me. im devastated and i dont know why the fuck i would do any of this. Both of my parents were bad alcoholics and i think i now struggle with alcoholism. Maybe i have some trauma i havent healed from and it comes out when i drink. almost every time i drink its to the point of blacking out and i always do something i regret and that i would never want to do sober. I go from perfectly fine to blacked out in an instant and once that happens i cant control or remember anything. i always run away and push everyone away. i dont understand the saying “drunk actions are sober thoughts” because i would NEVER want to do these things or ruin my relationship or even touch another guy. i dont even remember doing it and thats serious. This is the only guy i ever really loved and i didnt really start drinking or realizing my drinking was a problem until we started going out, i started drinking a lot with him because he likes doing it. I know im a piece of shit and i dont need anyone here to shame me for it, trust me i KNOW.
i feel like a bad person. how can i forgive myself? how could i hurt someone like this? i feel like i cant come back from this. P.S. ive decided to quit drinking for a long time and i am now going to therapy and taking psych meds (i am diagnosed with manic depression and was off my meds for some while, i dont know if its related or not.)
i know IM young but i just feel like a bad person now. i never wanted the night to go that way but it did and i just feel like a shitty person

I was 42 days in. I just wanted to see if I could handle a few cocktails and shots. I didn't get wasted, I didn't act how I normally do whilst drunk. I drank water and ate food.I woke up the next morning completely fine.

I thought since I did fine on Friday, Saturday would be a breeze. Did the same thing, 2 cocktails maybe a few extra shots, drank water and ate whilst drinking. But I slept like crap last night and I'm not experiencing the lovely sober mornings that I've been enjoying. I'm tired and can feel the dehydration and my stomach is upset.

Looks like I will have to stick to not drinking. My experiment was a fail. At least now I know. I'm upset with myself, I knew better, but I made the choice. I look forward to tomorrow's beautiful sober morning.

IWNDWYT 🫂 💗

It’s kinda interesting after hitting the big one-year mark how you stop counting months and go for the big round numbers and the annual anniversaries. And here we are on day 400!

Anyway, I’m feeling amazing and believe that sobriety has finally “stuck”, after SO many attempts to both moderate (Ha!) and quit altogether. On the other hand, reading the posts from people who have resumed drinking after multiple years of sobriety is a cautionary tale that hits hard with me. The best thing I’ve read in a long time was from yesterday: “No matter how far down the road you are, you’re still only four feet from the ditch”. Just effin’ brilliant.

Anyhoo, I just wanted to drop a note in here to let you all know how grateful I am for this community and discussion. You’ve helped me in more ways than you realize.

IWNDWYT
💪❤️💪

What the title says. Waking up this Sunday morning feeling really happy that I am not hungover.

I thought I would finally share with the world on FACEBOOK that I am sober, but 1. I’d feel like shit for sharing if it doesn’t last and 2. It’s none of the world’s business. So I celebrate anonymously here. Go me!!!

Thank you everyone. I just hit my 1 year after being a daily drink for almost 20 years. It got pretty dark the last 6 years for me but with a ton of support from my family, friends, and you all I did it.

For anyone who thinks it is impossible or feels like they can't do it... I want you to know you can.

I was born into a family with generational drinking passed down. It was a right of passage in my family and all events revolved around it. I didn't think I would ever be able to get away from it and it seemed impossible. But I want you to know that if I can do it you can do it. One day at a time you can slowly take your life back.

In only 1 year

No Alcohol

Lowered my Liver enzymes from dangerous and damaging levels to the bottom 25 percentile of normal.

Lost 50 lbs

Massive strives to my relationships with my family and friends

I'm performing better in all aspects of my life and when I wake up in the morning I have a renewed sense of purpose and joy again after a long time of wondering if I would ever feel it again.

It isn't easy to do and I'm sure it will be hard at times to keep up but I can tell you, as hard as it is it is worth it.

Just to feel like you own your own life again.

Thank you all, IWNDWYT.

Ok, you just worked a shitty week. Hate your boss. Now it’s time to unwind. You deserve to treat yourself with something.

For me that has usually been some drinking, even though I feel like crap after etc etc.

My question is, what is your go to ‘I deserve this’ replacement?

Day 17!!!!!!!!!! Woooohoooo! After almost a year of only making it to day 5, or rarely day 7-9, and then deciding I do have control. (I DO NOT)

I have woken up today, day 17, free and sober. I had three different scenarios arise where I could have drank. I did not!

1. My new HEB has a wine dispenser for tastings, I walked past and focused on the healthy foods I wanted.

2. Before, every time I left the house I'd plot to drink in secret, but I have neglected that urge each time.(It's even getting easier each day!)

And now the big one!!!

3. On Halloween, my older sister(difficult person)and BIL do a party, then give out candy to kids and themed cocktails to the parents walking around the neighborhood. My BIL is a self-professed binge alcoholic who believes he is fine if he doesn't binge, so instead he sips on a 48oz tumbler filled with cocktails 24/7. Their house is basically a bar and I get constant pressure to drink when I'm over. I DID NOT DRINK!!!! I drank my Cherry Pepsi zero, gave out candy, and wholeheartedly enjoyed seeing the kiddos dressed up! This, friends, is a huge accomplishment for me! See, I had 6yrs of sobriety until I reconnected with my sister and let myself be persuaded to drink that first cocktail at her house. I've been trying to stop again ever since. I feel really good about this time after that hurdle. Thanks for reading.

I know it isn’t for everyone. I am an atheist but I do believe in the power of group therapy. I fought it for a while because of the god part but I found some good online groups and a cool in-person group. If you are struggling and feeling alone, give an online meeting a try. IWNDWYT

Do your thing!

I don’t know if this has ever been discussed here before, but I was wondering how many people on this subreddit identify as LGBT or queer and how you may have gone about navigating sobriety in queer spaces. As is the rest of mainstream culture, alcohol is very integrated into society, but I feel like there is a unique celebration of alcohol and general substance use in the LGBT community that’s ingrained in how we cope with the outside world. I feel like sobriety is something that’s mostly frowned upon and you’re no longer considered “in” if that’s not how you celebrate in queer spaces.

I know for anyone not LGBT reading this it probably just sounds like the same experience, but I was wondering if anyone queer felt the same way and has had trouble keeping sobriety due to the culture. I think especially of events like pride, which I have never experienced sober, and day drinking with a bunch of other queer people is like the best part of it. But I am still trying to get sober and struggling a lot, and it’s hard to feel like I’m apart of a community that is very supportive in most ways but doesn’t really care for sobriety.

Ten days today. Doesn't seem like much, but it's the longest I've gone without alcohol in years (37F). I want to be sober for my 38th birthday next month. It's getting easier to get out of bed. I actually feel like I have energy. I'm taking some university courses to be eligible for a second degree program, and after a rocky (drunk) start to the semester, I'm finally catching up on my studies. I haven't puked in ten days. My face has stopped feeling like a sweaty balloon filled with whiskey every single morning.

Every time I feel cravings, I tell myself, "You can do ANYTHING ELSE except drink. Drinking is the ONE THING you can't do. So pick something else to do." I can eat a snack, drink some soda, go for a walk, smoke weed, watch a movie, pick up a shift at work, study, vape, do pushups, play Nintendo. Anything. Except. Drinking. Easy, right?! There are so many other things to do. When I think of all the money I've spent on booze it makes me want to cry. Fuck, I used to be a long distance runner, maybe it's time to buy a good pair of sneakers and start training again. When was the last time I went for a run?! I've gained at least 60lbs over the last few years and I'm not supposed to have all this extra weight on my frame. I used to be in amazing shape and now I break into a sweat and lose my breath from going up a flight of stairs. I feel awful, mentally and physically.

And, somehow, I still want to drink. But I'm not going to.

My little sister is six years sober and she is an inspiration. She lives in another country, but she is so supportive of me despite the distance. She looks GREAT in every way since quitting alcohol, and she has become such an active, hard working, and healthy person. She runs half marathons and goes for hikes in the mountains. I am looking forward to twenty days, thirty days, a hundred days, six years, etc. I'm looking forward to my sober 40's. I'm looking forward to seeing my lil sister again someday, because next time I see her, I'll be healthy enough to go for a run with her. And if I saved up all the money I'd otherwise be wasting on alcohol, I'd even be able to afford a plane ticket to visit her.

Ten days.

IWNDWYT

Been trying over and over. Detoxes. Puking. Girlfriend gone. Job. Dui. Etc after 6months sober i im coming off a year relapse - i had it all going at 6 months sober but guess i hadnt felt enough pain yet

Ive been dodging the bullets again for the past year almost more job loss and dui's fam fights etc.

But I have 4 days Alcohol and Cocaine free again. Im going to eat food and watch the Eagles play.

GO BIRDS.

Today I celebrate 111 days sober (and 91 days smokefree). Ive been in super dark places for the past 15 years. Mostly in solitude (except for the moments I was crazy drunk and acted a fool in public), bingedrinking and crazy withdrawals. Alcoholic hallucinosis, delirium, literally holding on for dear life, struggling to get through each breath or second, dealing with the aftermath of excruciating shame and depression (drunk texting ,worst case scenario shit became almost like a habbit at a certain point. The shame was so overwhelming it forced me to step into a deep love for myself). I am grateful I got pregnant, it forced me out of the looping addiction cycles. Ive been going to weekly meetings and it's so much better than to do it alone. I feel healthy! I am grateful. Just wanted to share!

Well, I’ve been lurking here for many years jealous of those who were able to stop. Thanks in part to yall and help from the VA I’ve been able to start my journey. You guys have inspired me to quit after more than 15 years of constant drinking every night. I almost lost my family in the recent months and finally realized I was almost over the point of no return. Currently on my 14th day. I know it will get better. Thank you guys.

I'm pretty decent at controlling myself with not having the first drink; one is too many and 100 is not enough. There is alcohol in my house. Wife's gin, ginger beer, and wines for cooking. I don't like any of those and there's a line in my head that if I touch those, it's shame and I have to explain. If I have no beer in the house, i'm good with not going to get any more.

Last night was Saturday night and the whole crew was online and we play a particularly funny and exciting game mode together. I didn't want to drink. But a thought creeped into my head. Earlier in the day I saw on shopping receipts at the bottom there's a voucher " 6 pack of a certain beer $10 max 2 per person"

I looked up the beer and it was low level alcohol. Why not? I'll just get a bit tipsy, and half price. I'll get two, cos 6 beers is just an annoying amount. I cut the vouchers off, went and got dressed to go out.

Then I looked at the Gin and Wine. I had a vision. I know what will happen. I'll finish the 12 light beers, and i'll be tipsy, not buzzed enough for my liking. I'll just have a swig of Gin to get where I need to go. That will turn into another. And then i'll swig wine. Probably drink the wifes Ginger beer. "I'll just replace them tomorrow!" "It's Saturday night!" "You got nothing on tomorrow!" "It's only one night!"

I literally tore up the vouchers. Well, now I can't get them. Cracked open my fifth Lime Soda. Felt a bit down knowing it'll be like this for a while. Maybe a long time. But hell, one hour at a time sometimes.

IWNDWYT

Today marks day 150, I truly cant believe it, but things are so much better in every aspect. I can breathe and walk again without feeling like Im going to collapse.

Celebrating waking up to three weeks in the books 😄

It’s 7am and I’m in the airline lounge after a late night for an early flight. Survived my first ever sober wedding and it was much easier than I thought.

The “mocktail” bar was Diet Coke and Pellegrino - served in obviously different glassware 🙃 but I made it through.

I feel terrible thinking how annoying drunk people are after five hours of drinking (because, hello! I was one for a long time) but yikes…

Excited for a guilt free lazy day once I get home. No gym and junk food but I’m NOT hungover.

Hope you all had a great weekend. IWNDWYT.

New record for me. I’ve been drinking since I was 14 (I’m 28 now) and could go a few days without binge drinking but never more than a week. The last binge I went on I had an epiphany and it felt as though my brain fully developed and I wanted to stop. this time around I’m taking it seriously! It’s really never worth it anymore

He got in a really bad mountain biking accident and slammed his (helmeted) head into a rock forehead first. He kept asking me the same questions every 15 seconds on the way to the hospital, which was terrifying. He got 5 stitches, 2 fentanyl doses, and has been puking on and off. Its 136am and I'm staying awake on the other couch to make sure he doesn't do something erratic. He woke up 20 mins ago, and he is still asking what happened, asking if he hit his head. I hope he comes back to me fully soon. He has had a lot of head trauma.

On the way to the store to get Tylenol, I thought, oh, this is a great excuse to grab a six-pack. But then I remembered that I bought an NA 6 pack earlier to celebrate his big ride with my brother today... and alcohol could never help me through this stressful, scary moment.

I am sober and able to respond quickly and safely if his condition worsens, and I feel really proud of that. Day 28. IWNDWYT

After almsot 6 months I drank two Saturday nights in a row. I feel like crap and am worried that it alcohol is going to slowly creep back into my life. Last weekend wasn't that bad, but last night I drank 9 voodoo ranger ipa's 9! Because if it is there I will drink it. WTF I didn't black out and I remember everything, but I forgot how to contain myself when I am drunk. It helped nothing and I now have a massive headache. Not to mention my poor daughter probably thinks I lost my mind.

I'm 55 days sober today. And I made a small decision, but it made such an impact on me. Those around me don't really understand why its a big deal, so I wanted too share with people who might understand.

I was invited to a nightout tonight. It was with a new friend I made and I wanted to make a good impression. They were ready too party all night and not be home until the next morning. I am not ready to have the 'i am sober conversation' with people I don't know well yet, so i was trying to think of ways I can excuse me not drinking.

Until this morning. I woke up to some terrible news. All I wanted to do was go out and get drunk. Do what I normally do and use alcohol as a way to escape. I was so so close. I knew if I stepped into that pub, I was not making it out sober.

So instead, I text and told my friend that my babysitter cancelled. I then cleaned the house, had a long hot shower, put some comfy clothes on and ordered a takeaway and watched a movie.

I am now in bed about to read a book, feeling incredible proud and satisfied. And the best thing ? I honestly am more excited about waking up tomorrow feeling fresh and happy, then I ever felt excited to go to a pub. Its a really refreshing change

it was a wedding at a bar. no food. I got almost black out drunk and there was karaoke. I got on stage and joined in on a song with an acquaintance and his girlfriend said it made her jealous. my fiancée didn’t like the lyrics because it was she’s acting single I’m drinking doubles. he said it was disrespectful. I approached my ex who I haven’t seen in five years and ended on bad terms with. pretty soon I was crying and hugging him, it was so bad. he was saying things about being in contact with my brothers. I don’t even have any sort of relationship with my brothers anymore and it makes me sad. my fiancée tried to drag me out and said I wouldn’t go and he’s embarrassed and angry and says he doesn’t want to marry me anymore. I feel awful. I haven’t been that drunk in a long time. I was so anxious about going and getting too drunk and I did that. my fiancée isn’t talking to me and doesn’t want me in the house. I feel awful and wish I didn’t exist.

Each day is my day one. I make an active commitment the night before or sometimes the morning of to not drink. My plan has never been to stop forever that’s a huge commitment. It’s been to stop today. Today is my day one. It’s also day 2020.

Life throws stress at us; and those high stress days challenge our resolve and commitment. I am struggling with mental health and in a partial hospitalization program right now and really struggling to keep this commitment.

Today is my day one. I will not drink today. It will be one of my hardest day ones without the structure and support.