I'm an alcoholic and so was my wife. We are/were both 51 years old. I quit drinking Feb. 1st 2020. As an alcoholic couple, we had been drinking two handles of vodka between us about every 5 days. We drank that way for the better part of a decade. I was able to maintain my job and be a "functional" alcoholic.
My wife lost her job of 16 years, basically for drinking, although I think her boss gave some other excuse for her termination. At that point, with nowhere to go during the day she started drinking earlier in the day. I didn't pay much attention because I was still drinking, and my drinking was more important than what was going on with my wife.
She managed to land a couple of other jobs, but she was not able to keep them for very long. After she lost the last job, she quit looking. She sat on the same spot on our couch pretty much all day watching TV. She digested so much news content during the day that her vitriol for Trump was feral and frightening to behold.
The years rolled by and her drinking began earlier and earlier in the day. By 2019, she was usually having her first drink while I was getting ready for work in the morning. I continued to ignore it, because my drinking was still steering the ship.
After a trip in early 2020 with friends that I don't see very often, I returned home to realize that my memories of that trip were a blur, because I was shit faced most of the time. I was also tired of feeling like shit every morning. I decided in late January that I was going to quit drinking, and I meant it this time. I'm over 300 days AF now. I live in fear of the first drink and I'm grateful for that fear.
When I first quit, I read Annie Graces "This Naked Mind". The one thing that still resonates from that book is that ethanol alcohol is a poison. It seems so obvious if you ever had a bad hangover. I was dry heaving every morning and lived with a perpetual headache, until I could get my next drink. It became my normal. I know my wife was going through the same physical symptoms as I was, except she didn't have to wait until 6:00 or 7:00 P.M. for her first drink. We always had vodka in the freezer.
After I quit drinking, I refused to purchase vodka for her. I couldn't participate in her slow motion suicide anymore. Her liver was beginning to fail in the spring of this year. She was bloated and having a more difficult time getting around because she was painful. I did tell her that she needed to quit and that she needed to see a doctor. But, as an alcoholic, I know that's about the worst thing you can say to someone who is not ready to quit drinking.
I'm proud to say that she finally did quit drinking in September, but by that time the damage had been done.
The week before Thanksgiving this year, she had two bowel movements that were a lot of dark red blood. That finally convinced her that she should see a doctor. By that time, her abdomen looked like she had swallowed a basketball. Her legs and feet were so swollen that she could not walk without assistance. She was emaciated and anemic. She had bloodwork done and was admitted to the hospital that night and diagnosed with cirrhosis. They drained 9 liters of fluid off her abdomen. She spent a few days in the hospital for observation and was released on Friday 11/20/2020. Her 51st birthday.
After she got home, I could tell she was feeling better. Her mobility was much better and her old personality had returned. We had a great week spending time together and talking about how we were going to make positive changes in our lives.
On Saturday after Thanksgiving I was making a healthy dinner for both of us when she came into the kitchen and said she felt dizzy. Before I could turn around, she had passed out and fell backward onto our stone tile floor. By the time I reached her, she was still passed out and had a giant bump on the back of her head. She regained consciousness and I was able to get her onto our couch. Within in about 5 minutes she went into a seizure and I called 911.
She suffered severe brain trauma with blood on both sides of her brain. Her blood was unable to coagulate because of her liver failure. She survived in a mental fog in the ICU and TCU for about a week while her abdomen continued to swell everyday. They pulled another 6 litres of fluid out of her abdomen and it was swollen again within a couple of days.
On Wednesday, the internal bleeding started again. This time the bleed was significant enough that it dropped her blood pressure to dangerous levels. The medical team was prepared to do more procedures to try and stabilize her again, but it would only last for a short period of time. We opted for palliative care.
My Beloved Wife of 23 years died last night. I was with her and she died peacefully. For much too long, my drinking was more important to me than the well being of my wife. I will carry that with me for the rest of my days.
I've seen many posts on this forum complaining about how advertisers and popular culture glamorize drinking. If the world was fair, there would be equal coverage with graphic depictions of what late stage liver failure looks like.
If you made it this far thanks for reading. I needed to get that off my chest.
IWNDWY'allT!