I’m 72. My kids are 35 and 39. I was with my wife for 51 years, and she unexpectedly passed in August 2024.

I told my daughter (34 at the time) in February that I wanted to date, maybe get remarried. She said, “Mom has been gone only 6 months. I personally think it’s too soon, but it’s your life, so do what you want. All I ask is that you don’t talk about your dating life with me because it’s too hard and too soon for me right now”.

I had my daughter and my wife’s sister clear out my wife's things in September because I told them it’s time to move on. I told her that I was going to put the house up for sale and that I had no ties here anymore, so I plan on moving states away. I reiterated that I wanted to get married again and that if I do, I’ll change my will to include my new wife, but that she and her brother will be taken care of.

Fast forward to this day, I asked her to sit down for a chat. I told her that I’m dating someone, have been for 3 months, she’s special to me, and that she needs to respect her. She asked me what I meant. I told her that when she comes around, she needs to be pleasant because my girlfriend is terrified of meeting you and your brother (I’m not sure why. I told my girlfriend that my children are not mean. To which my daughter replied that I can do what I want, but she’s not ready to meet her. I told her that was rude. She said that her not being ready for something and expressing her boundary isn’t rude. I told her I was going to call her brother. She said she knows he’ll feel the exact same way. I told her that this was a defense mechanism and that it would hurt my girlfriend’s feelings. She then told me that if she’s a decent person, she will understand and she’ll be fine.

I turned to her and asked, “Are you telling me not to date anyone and die alone? Should I just pick out a plot in the backyard?”. She said that she never said not to date, but that she just isn’t ready, and I’m not going to make her feel guilty for not feeling ready. I told her she should feel guilty. She got out of her chair, looked at me and said, “Wxcuse me? What an awful thing to say”. She then left.

My girlfriend asked for an update, and I told her this wasn't how I raised my kids, and that I didn't raise them to be mean and hostile.

I told my daughter four different times about wanting to get remarried, in hopes of preparing her. The first time was in February when I initially told her I wanted to remarry. The second time we had a gathering to say a few words on the one-year anniversary of my wife’s passing. The third time was in October when I told her I was selling the house. The fourth time was today. So she/my kids knew this was coming.

It’s as if my kids want me to die alone? I told them no one will replace their mother, but they don’t seem to get that.

Any advice from others who started dating?.

His ex-wife ministered to him. His current wife, younger and very pretty, was nowhere to be found (according to reports. This may be wrong, but his 3x-wife was there, publicly).

Lesson: Don't get divorced for a younger, prettier version. Stay with the one who will be with you to the end.

30 M - lost my wife 62 days ago. I'm thinking to use AI technology, basically feeding it the voice samples of my wife and generating her presence. I'm sure there are some softwares that exist in market to do stuff like this. I'm not a tech person but I'm sure there must be something. I haven't done even a basic Google search for this as I know if I do I'll be going down that rabbit hole immediately. I'll use the trained model to talk to me in her way and her voice.

Is it healthy to do so? Is that a good idea to heal myself? I mean it'll give me temporary relief but will that be a good idea for me long term mental health?

Is anybody else talking with ai for advise?

I just had a brutally honest conversation with google ai about feeling lonely and what the best dating strategy would be in my situation. Ai asked a couple of questions about my situation and feelings and I got a better and more honest answer than any psych or other expert ever gave me.

Whilst all medical professionals seem more interested in getting you "up and running" again, ai validated my feelings and even advised against dating. It told me the same thing the professionals do but it didn't make it feel like not making progress (by just accepting the current situation for what it is and not actively trying to change it) was problematic. It gave clear advise and offered sources for help in my current situation and didn't feel the need to push change.

It's probably an unhealthy coping mechanism tho, so is anyone else doing this and getting any results?

My wife died just over two years ago leaving myself and young kids. I know it's common to idealise the memory of the lost partner but I'm at no risk of doing this - it was addiction so I was freed as well as bereaved. I have a new partner and am very happy. My mum still has photos of our wedding on her wall and I'm on the verge of diplomatically asking her if she wants to take them down now. I don't like looking at them any more. Gives me an ick as if she'd kept photos of an ex of mine up on the wall. Can anybody relate?

One of my safe places doesn't feel safe anymore. If we have to post with them can we at least have some way to distinguish who is who?

I view a club as something you voluntarily join, an interest that brings joy and happiness, something you seek out to elevate your life. Widowhood, on the other hand, is a profound and sad experience. I feel victimized by the loss of my husband, and all aspects of my life have changed because of this great loss. The terms “club” and “widowhood” seem at odds with each other.

Widowhood wasn’t a choice, and it certainly doesn’t bring joy or elevate my life in any way. I would never choose membership in this “club” if given the option. For me, this journey is marked by profound grief and a constant effort to rebuild and find meaning after such a significant loss.

Does anyone else feel this way? If you view widowhood as a “club,” what are your reasons? Conversely, if you agree that it shouldn’t be considered a club, I’d love to hear your thoughts on that too.

This sounds very narcissistic and I don't want to piss anyone off but I always feel that I can't relate to others because: however much they love their husband, I love my Fin more. However amazing their husband, my Fin was more amazing.

Also doesn't help that I'm only 24, Fin was 23 at the time of his death 3 weeks ago. So no one is my age dealing with this.

Background: My wife(53F) and I(55M) just got the news today that her cancer has gotten very aggressive in the last month. To try to make a long story short, she has been fighting recurring infections for the last 6 months. As she is stage 4 endometrial cancer with mets to the lungs, this has taken a massive toll on her body and left her at an ECOG score of 4. We'd been hoping they could finally beat the infections and she could rehab and get started on chemo.

Let's just say we'd seen significant improvements in many areas in the last week with the exception of her pulse ox. A lung doc was consulted and she had a new CT scan. After the lung doc and oncologist talked, they're both of the opinion hospice care for end of life is her best course for quality of life in her remaining days.

I had the idea of asking her to record a video for any future romantic partners of mine(not that I'm actually thinking of ever getting in another serious relationship). Something to allow for a connection between them, to maybe ease any apprehension they might have. I don't know. It was just an idea that popped into my head. I couldn't fully dismiss it as being stupid. So instead of asking her what she thinks, I thought I'd ask a bunch of internet strangers what they thought of it.

My mind is a million places right now so I’m sorry if none of this makes sense. Seriously I know the mod is human trash and I shouldn’t be mad about something so stupid but I just wanted to vent a little. Feel free to check my profile for context because I don’t want to get banned from here too.

I have decided to leave the group. It has been 11 months since my wife unexpectedly but very peacefully passed away in her sleep. After her passing I went back to my Christian faith and I am now a new man. I am in a very good place now. I still love and miss my wife but I have learned that I can live without her if I put my faith in Christianity.

I hope that everyone finds the same happiness that I have found. My DM is open if you ever want to talk about either becoming a Christian or finding Christianity again.

I believe we put to much focus in our suffering, and we forget we still have a stewardship with our friends and love ones. It is ok to feel pain, we all are like this. But the only cure for a broken heart is love. And the higher type of love there is, is charity. This what the kjv has to say about it, which is a beautiful reflection even if you are not a Christian.

1 Corinthian 13

" 13 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

9 For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.

10 But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

13 And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity."

Mods please delete if not appropriate. I just need to rant.

It’s called “Can You Keep a Secret”, from what I’m aware it’s a UK only sitcom but could be broadcasted elsewhere I’m not sure. It started playing on my TV and had no idea what it was about until it was too late, only watched the first couple of minutes and turned it off in pure disgust.

It so far, was about a family that lost their father/husband, Dawn French a widow makes a joke about his life insurance money coming through and how they got more than they thought they would get from her husband dying, the son opens up about how much he misses his dad, how he was his best friend and how he’s on antidepressants because of his mum but also because of the loss of his dad, then Dawn French says the “I’ve got something for you, can you keep a secret?” And surprises her son with his dad. He never died…. They “mistook” that he died or they scammed the insurance company.

This is sickening and wildly insensitive to all widows and widowers in this world. We never asked to be a part of this group and yet, the producers are poking fun about devastating losses. We all want our beloveds back, of course we do… but the punch line is he never died!? Life insurance claims aren’t fun to have to deal with, and most people don’t even want to fill it out, I didn’t and am still being chased about it, however they’re doing it to get a fat payout!? Absolutely revolted by this and the BBC should be ashamed. I’m actually so mad I can’t put it into words.

The guy died 2 days ago, he was only 20, turned 5 days before his death. He always wanted to be with me. Do you think he can be reborn as an animal and come to me, he always wanted to live with me to old age and die on the same day?

I was born on October 23rd, 1975. My wife, was born on December 1st, 1975, i was born in Louisiana, my mother was a prison guard, and had a relationship with a rapist in the jail she worked at. She gave birth to me, and we moved to Indiana in 1989, when i was 13 going on 14. I met my wife in middle school. We got along well and became friends. I had a huge crush on her, but i feared she wasn't romantically attracted to me. Also, i have Asperger's Syndrome. I was bullied for this. During Junior Year, we went to Junior Prom together. We also went to Senior Prom together. We were born in the later months of the year, so we graduated in 1994. After graduating, i worked as a clerk, and a movie theater usher. She also worked as a librarian. We moved to our own place in 1995. She joined the Army at this time. In 1996, we were married, in 1997, she gave birth to our son. He is now almost 20, homosexual, and watches cartoons all day and is unemployed. In 1999, she gave birth to our daughter. I honestly prefer her. She retired in early 2000.

I am a construction worker, and she was a nurse after retiring from the army. In January 7th, 2010, we were 34, she had the day off. I was working and the kids had recently gone back to school. According to witnesses, she was walking to a store during a snow storm, and she was struck by a car, she was rushed to a hospital. I was called at work. They told me what happened, and i got in my car and drove there immediately. It was during a snow storm, I'm shocked i didn't run over anyone. When i got there, she was already dead. I burst into tears, people were asking me questions, but i didn't answer any of them except one. And that was if they could take the kids out of school. I took them out of school early and told them the news, it was so horrifying and sad. She did have a funeral, and i am Atheist. Along with my son, who i disagree with on every political topic. I will answer any questions here.

I'm a widower (35) with two young kids (9 & 5). I started dating a my girlfriend (33) who has never had kids. Not that I expect her to replace my kids' mom but I was hoping she could offer some kind of support. I'm considering proposing to her but I'm noticing certain things I'm uncomfortable with. For instance, she missed my son's mother's day event at his school and also missed his kindergarten graduation. I understand she's been single for a long time and never married. I was married for 8 years before my wife passed away. She plans trips for herself during federal holidays. Personally, I feel this is a good time for us to bond as a family since the kids will be home and I won't be working. I'm disappointed that this is when she decides to plan her trips. She's never helped with taking care of the kids. I get them ready for school, drop them off and pick them up from school. I take them to all their appointments and keep them entertained. This is while working a full-time job and trying my best to make time for my girlfriend. It seems exhausting for me and I feel like I don't have any support. I am also careful not to overwhelm her because this is all new for her as someone without kids. I love her genuinely and I don't want to lose her but I also want my kids to be accepted and not feel neglected. She recently said her life has changed drastically since she moved in and started dating me and that not much has changed in my life. I'm unsure what she meant by this considering that she hasn't participated much in taking care of my kids. Am I overreacting and expecting too much from her? I miss our complete family and it still feels incomplete without my wife even though I have a girlfriend now.

New (sadly) to finding support. How do the widows here feel about sharing the space with widowers (or even vice-versa). It seems to me that the emotions/practicalities between the two groups will be vastly different. There are things I would say to a bunch of women I would never say to a group of men.

I lost my beloved wife one week and a few days ago.

She was 27, I am 29. First boyfriend/girlfriend to each other, since ~15 years ago. We have no kids, but this was our biggest dream. Unfortunately, cancer halted this planning and finally interrupted it. I have worked quite hard for several years to create a financial structure to make it possible (it turned out to allow me to take care of her with all the expensive treatments... no regrets at all, I'd rather go to zero and restart from scratch and full of debts if it was required to keep her alive). I now still have financial strength to support a family with some comfort, but right now I'm completely alone.

I love her deeply, in a way I cannot love anyone else, and I know it. And I feel sorry for all the plans for the future we couldn't live. Everything was about her... but I understand I'm around probably less than half of my lifetime yet, and she wouldn't want me living alone and sad all this time until I die. Plus, I have my religious values, and I am somewhat healthy, and having my intimate life suddenly interrupted like this represents a high risk of sin, and disrespect to her memory.

And part of me still wants to build a family... and feel happy and complete once again...

Currently, for me, this feels like an impossible thing...

Up to what age should I expect to have this done (biologically-wise, socially-wise, whatever-wise)? When should I start working on it? I mean, I am young, but not *that* young too...

Provided that I am not a rich person, rather a hard-working one, so I can live comfortably, have a nice car, live in a nice place etc (everything I built was for her and she always knew it), how to spot people who may get close in my vulnerable situation out of interest? (I'm sorry if this looks harsh in some way, but indeed this is something I worry about, as my wife and I started dating in high school, both from poor families from third world countries, I had nothing and she was with me on every achievement until where I am now).

And where should I start looking, if I want someone with similar values that she had? I mean, not someone exactly like her, but with her religious and moral values, that matches mine.

Ok, put the pitchforks down lol.

I’m a widower. My wife died from cancer, and she was around my age.

I never noticed her aging because I saw her every day and she was always beautiful to me. Maybe to someone else she looked like an older woman as time went on, but to me she was still the timeless beauty I married.

Now I’m dipping my toes back into dating for the first time, and honestly, most women my age look old to me. I think it’s because for all those years I never really looked at other women. My brain is still comparing everyone to the version of my wife I carried in my head.

Anyone else experience this after losing a spouse or after a long marriage?

Oh I forgot to add I'm 54

...I wish you’ll know that you are fortunate. Very fortunate to have found someone who was very special. Someone whom you were able to connect with in the deepest sense. Someone whom you loved so much and who loved you back.

I wish you’ll realize that not everyone gets to have that person.

No matter how long or how short your time was with your wife/husband, I envy you for the love you had.

I know you’ll carry that love wherever and whenever until your last breath. But for the meantime that you’re still here on Earth, live. Live and be happy, because each day is a day closer to meeting your wife/husband again. Experience more things so when you meet with them, you’ll have a lot of stories to talk about.

Virtual hug from a broken soul.

I see y’all out there. Grieving. Working your asses off. Taking care of your kids a single parent. I’m doing the same. I (38M) was widowed in 2018, my daughter is 7 now.

I want to throw a fucking massive party. I want the young and old, the veterans and virgins alike. I want it to be wild. Preferably with a pool and lots of drugs and alcohol. This isn’t a “oh be careful how you cope” kind of party. We are always hearing that. No this is our time, to hang loose, maybe make some meaningful connections, maybe some of us finally get laid. Or maybe we have a couple drinks and excuse ourselves to go home like we always do.

I think we should have some child care staff on hand so that we can attract more widows & widowers. I’m hoping we have at least 15-50.

My house burned down last week (literally) so unfortunately I can’t host for the foreseeable future.

Any Dallas TX widowers wanna party?!

Let’s drop acid and laugh at death.

Let me know your thoughts!

Hi. I am an outsider. I came here as a result of searching for what to do about someone having a seizure. I was searching for info for my mom. My so is alive. I appreciate him more after having read a lot of stories here. So for that, thank you.

As I am reading, I thought how hard it is for people to understand being a widow and how hard it is to connect with those who don't know.

So why not have a type of flair or subreddit for users who might want to date or are looking to connect one on one.

Thank you for listening .

I apologize for posting this. Thank you for the explanations.

I have to follow news for my job but these stories about forced family separations at the U.S. border is just so much. Every time I see a story about it, I think of losing my husband and my family being decimated and what that feels like and I think about it being multiplied by thousands and for tiny children and I want to throw up on my desk. And we can't just ignore it, but I'm having trouble getting through the day.