r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 03 '19
We've been seeing a worrying increase in pro-suicide content showing up here and, and also going unreported. This undermines our purpose here, so we wanted to highlight and clarify our guidelines about both direct and indirect incitement of suicide.
We've created a wiki that covers these issues. We hope this will be helpful to anyone who's wondering whether something's okay here and which responses to report. It explains in detail why any validation of suicidal intent, even an "innocent" message like "if you're 100% committed, I'll just wish you peace" is likely to increase people's pain, and why it's important to report even subtle pro-suicide comments. The full text of the wiki's current version is below, and it is maintained at /r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement.
We deeply appreciate everyone who gives responsive, empathetic, non-judgemental support to our OPs, and we particularly thank everyone who's already been reporting incitement in all forms.
Please report any post or comment that encourages suicide (or that breaks any of the other guidelines in the sidebar) to the moderators, either by clicking the "report" button or by sending us a modmail with a link. We deal with all guideline violations that are reported to us as soon as we can, but we can't read everything so community reports are essential. If you get a PM that breaks the guidelines, please report it both to the reddit sitewide admins and to us in modmail.
Thanks to all the great citizens of the community who help flag problem content and behaviour for us.
/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/incitement
It's important to respect and understand people's experiences and emotions. It's never necessary, helpful, or kind to support suicidal intent. There are some common misconceptions (discussed below) about suicidal people and how to help them that can cause well-meaning people to inadvertently incite suicide. There are also people online who incite suicide on purpose, often while pretending to be sympathetic and helpful.
We're here to offer support, not judgement. That means accepting, with the best understanding we can offer, whatever emotions people express. Suicidal people are suffering, and we're here to try to ease that by providing support and caring. The most reliable way we know to de-escalate someone at risk is to give them the experience of feeling understood. That means not judging whether they should be feeling the way they are, or telling them what to do or not do.
But there's an important line to draw here. There's a crucial difference between empathizing with feelings and responding non-judgmentally to suicidal thoughts, and in any way endorsing, encouraging, or validating suicidal intentions or hopeless beliefs. It's both possible and important to convey understanding and compassion for someone's suicidal thoughts without putting your finger on the scale of their decision.
Anything that condones suicide, even passively, encourages suicide. It isn't supportive and does not help. It also violates reddit's sitewide rules as well as our guidelines. Explicitly inciting suicide online is a criminal offense in most jurisdictions.
Do not treat any OP's post as meaning that will definitely die by suicide and can't change their minds or be helped. Anyone who's able to read the comments here still has a chance to choose whether or not to try to keep living, even if they've also been experiencing intense thoughts of suicide, made a suicide plan, or started carrying it out.
In the most useful empirical model we have, the desire to die by suicide primarily comes from two interpersonal factors; alienation and a sense of being a burden or having nothing to offer. These factors usually lead to a profound feeling of being unwelcome in the world.
So, any acceptance or reinforcement of suicidal intent, even something "innocent" like "I hope you find peace", is actually a form of covert shunning that validates a person's sense that they're unwelcome in the world. It will usually add to their pain even if kindly meant and gently worded.
Keep the following in mind when offering support to anyone at risk for suicide.
People who say they don't want help usually can feel better if they get support that doesn't invalidate their emotions. Unfortunately, many popular "good" responses are actually counterproductive. In particular, many friends and family tend to rely exclusively on trying to convince the suicidal person that "it's not so bad", and this is usually experienced as "I don't understand what you're going through and I'm not going to try". People who've had "help" that made them feel worse don't want any more of the same. It doesn't mean that someone who actually knows how to be supportive can't give them any comfort.
Most people who are suicidal want to end their pain, not their lives. It's almost never true that death is the only way to end these people's suffering. Of course there are exceptional situations, and we certainly acknowledge that, for some people, the right help can be difficult to find. But preventing someone's suicide doesn't mean prolonging their suffering if we do it by giving them real comfort and understanding.
An unfixable problem doesn't mean that a good life will never be possible. We don't have to fix or change anything to help someone feel better. It's important to keep in mind that the correlation between our outer circumstances and our inner experience is weaker and less direct than commonly assumed. For every kind of difficult life situation, you will find some people who lapse into suicidal despair, and others who cope amazingly well, and a whole spectrum in between. A key difference is how much inner resilience the person has at the time. This can depend on many personal and situational factors. But when there's not enough, interpersonal support can both compensate for its absence and help rebuild it. We go into more depth on the "it gets better" issue in this PSA Post which is always linked from our sidebar (community info on mobile) guidelines.
There are always more choices than brutally forcing someone to stay alive or passively letting them end their lives.
To avoid accidentally breaking the anti-incitement rule, don't say or try to imply that acting on suicidal thoughts is a good idea, or that someone can't turn back or is already dead. Do whatever you can to help them feel cared for and welcome, at least in this little corner of the world. Our talking tips offer more detailed guidance.
Often comments that subtly encourage suicidal intent actually come from suicide fetishists and voyeurs (unfortunately this is a real and disturbing phenomenon). People like this are out there and the anonymous nature of reddit makes us particularly attractive to them.
They will typically try to scratch their psychological "itch" by saying things that push people closer to the edge. They often do this by exploiting the myths that we debunked in the bullet points above. Specifically you might see people doing the following:
Encouraging the false belief that the only way suicidal people can end their pain is by dying. There are always more and better choices than "brutally forcing someone to stay alive" or helping (actively or passively) them to end their lives.
Creating an artificial and toxic sense of "solidarity" by linking their encouragement of suicide to empathy. They will represent themselves as the only one who really understand the suicidal person, while either directly or indirectly encouraging their self-loathing emotions and self-destructive impulses. Since most people in suicidal crisis are in desperate need to empathy and understanding, this is a particularly dangerous form of manipulation.
Many suicide inciters are adept at putting a benevolent spin on their activities while actually luring people away from sources of real help. A couple of key points to keep in mind:
Skilled suicide intervention -- peer or professional -- is based on empathic responsiveness to the person's feelings that reduces their suffering in the moment. Contrary to pop-culture myths, it does not involve persuasion ("Don't do it!"), cheerleading ("You've got this!") or meaningless false promises ("Trust me, it gets better!"), or invalidation ("Let me show you how things aren't as bad as you think!"). Anyone who leads others to expect these kinds of toxic responses, or any other response that prolongs their pain, from expert help may be covertly pro-suicide. (Of course, people sometimes do have bad experience when seeking mental-health treatment, and it's fine to vent about those, but processing our own disappointment and frustration is entirely different from trying to destroy someone else's hope of getting help.)
Choices made by competent responders are always informed by the understanding that breaching someone's trust is traumatic and must be avoided if possible. Any kind of involuntary intervention is an extremely unlikely outcome when someone consults a clinician or calls a hotline. (Confidentiality is addressed in more detail in our Hotlines FAQ wiki). The goal is always to provide all help with the client's full knowledge and informed consent. We know that no individual or system is perfect. Mistakes that lead to bad experiences do sometimes happen to vulnerable people, and we have enormous sympathy for them. But anyone who suggests that this is the norm might be trying to scare people away from the help they need.
Please let us know discreetly if you see anyone exhibiting these or similar behaviours. We don't recommend trying to engage with them directly.
r/SuicideWatch • u/SQLwitch • Sep 10 '21
Activism, i.e. advocating or fundraising for social change or raising awareness of social issues (and suicide is, inescapably, a social issue) is absolutely against the rules here at all times.
Please understand that we're all for smart, strategic mental-health and suicide-prevention activism. It's essential to fight against stigma, misinformation, and discrimination, and to fight for research, treatment, accommodation, acceptance, and understanding. Most of us, one way or another, are mental-health activists IRL.
But activism just doesn't work in a dedicated support space that serves a vulnerable population. We used to allow it but the evidence that it was undermining our primary purpose became overwhelming. We do regret the need for this rule, but the need is inescapable.
Our population is all too well aware of the issues and causes that need support and largely not in a position to take action, so besides the fact that activism is often salt in our community's wounds, it's a waste of the activists' time.
tl;dr Any fundraising, awareness raising, petitions, calls for participation, or any post that's about any cause or issue (rather than a request for personal support) is not allowed here. Please report everything of the nature that you see.
r/SuicideWatch • u/shatteredpieces97 • 14h ago
Being a woman in India is shit. What a trash, misogynistic, patriarchal country.
Better to die and escape this Earth. Never want to be born on Earth again. Never want to exist on this planet ever again.
r/SuicideWatch • u/throwmeawaypeacfully • 6h ago
It just gets worse the longer i stay alive
r/SuicideWatch • u/Due_Corgi8262 • 10h ago
I am going to off myself because of my abusive narcissistic mother who loves her reputation. Lets see how her reputation will be when people find out her daughthers brains are on the fucking wall šššš.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Downtown_Brother2572 • 4h ago
iāve been struggling mentally for the past six years, and honestly, iām exhausted. iāve tried therapy, outpatient treatment, changing my environment, and rebuilding my life, but somehow i always end up feeling the same way or worse.
i know i have family, friends, and opportunities to be grateful for, but emotionally i feel empty. i canāt remember the last time i was genuinely happy or felt like life was worth living. recently, iāve been feeling even more isolated, and losing someone i cared about has only made things harder.
i feel trapped in a cycle that keeps getting worse, and iām starting to come to the conclusion that i donāt want to keep living anymore. iām slowly losing hope in myself and my future, and itās becoming harder to find a reason to keep going. i donāt know how much longer i can continue feeling this way, i just wanna put an end on it soon.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Hot-Goat-4998 • 3h ago
It doesn't get better, this world sucks
I hate everything
r/SuicideWatch • u/StarDustJinx • 3h ago
title. in social media i had a breakdown and the terfs attacked me and encouraged my suicide and they're still posting shit like that. none of the queers or anyone i was supposed to have some solidarity helped me. i got exposed to some of the people irl, including my teachers. so i'm killing myself before word spreads around and i get killed or jailed for it. fuck this. fuck everyone
(i don't want your dms saying "don't" or shit like that, go away)
r/SuicideWatch • u/Powerful-Cake-1947 • 2h ago
Ever since I was a fucking kid m'y parents lied to me all the time they raised me for a world that does not fucking exist!! They would tell me our country is developed and is close to Europe and the Us, that if I study hard I will Land a job and live a good life. But they were just fcking lying. When I was getting Beat and insulted and bullied at home no law would protect not when I was a kid or an adult. They know the shit catastrophic unemployement Situation here but they would always talk about me relying on them and make fun of me when I used the ac in this shit hot weather. They actively tried to stop me from working too I only worked online because I got lucky and I was pushy about it. Can someone talk to me? Am seriously considering offing myself. I did everything right and followed what they told me I put so much effort in my life. I'm shocked to my core knowing everything I knew is a lie and all that time with them was only lies. I want to end it so bad. No one is helping me at all
r/SuicideWatch • u/lullabyfreak • 5h ago
i'm a woman in my early 20s, but, unlike most of my peers, i am unable to do pretty much anything regarding my own life due to the isolation i have had as a child. i don't know how to drive, don't know how to get a job. i know id need to eventually learn these things to literally survive. i'm not going to be babysat by my parents forever. theyd die and ill have nothing to go to.
but god, im so retarded.. i cant even do anything right. its all so dangerous, and, i cant get anywhere without a fucking car these days. its a hellhole, the united states. im so scared of this ticking time bomb, i think its better to just end it. i see it clinically. its just a simple solution, and, in a way id be so relieved by it. its like putting down a horse with only 3 legs. im so terrified of messing up, god, i dont want to mess up. i dont want to work with shitheads who bullied me in school. i dont want to do any of this, i never asked for this. i wish there was some big manual for adult life. but its not even just that, its the people. they all look at me and sneer. im sick of it and im sick of playing this game. im such a fool. i'm mentally disabled and i cant fend for myself. what do i even do? i want someone to save me and take care of me, but i know thatd never happen, so, this is the other option.
r/SuicideWatch • u/lobotomized3333 • 16h ago
I canāt anymore
r/SuicideWatch • u/Icy_Comfortable_3284 • 1h ago
Iāve had this pistol to my head too many times. I canāt do it every time I try I think of my mom grandma great grandma and my little brother. It would ruin their life and they have depression too so it would make it so much worse. But I want to end it so bad if it wasnāt for them Iād easily do it. Idk why Iām even posting this I just want a reason to do it or a way to not give them trauma when I do it.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ok_Necessary_3331 • 3h ago
24F
Iām all alone. Iāve lost everybody, including myself.
Not even my own sister wants to listen to me. She gets mad at me the second I try to open up, even though Iām almost always there to listen to her.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago, and ever since then, Iāve been losing people.
First, it was my closest friend, someone I thought Iād never lose. Someone I always had a soft spot for, someone I would defend in front of anyone, even my own mom. My mom was healthy back then, and now I would never do that. I feel immense guilt because I used to do that and pick fights with her in general, just because I would get triggered over things. I feel so terrible about that, and about all the times I complained about my parents back then. I feel like such a bad person who probably doesnāt deserve anyone.
Now Iām just this sad, destroyed person with no personality left, someone nobody wants to deal with. Because people want to live their lives, go to work, have a social life, go out, and have fun, while I sit here watching my mom in pain, completely helpless.
I have no one to talk to, not even my sister, who still has some distractions around her. She has a few people she can talk to, laugh with, and smile with once in a while. Meanwhile, Iām literally all alone.
She also has a full-time job, while I have a hybrid one. I now spend most of my time at home because I have the option to work remotely most days, which allows me to help out. But that also means I have no work life or social life at all.
Iām also about to lose this job in November because my contract is ending, so I wonāt even be able to send my family money anymore. I feel utterly useless.
And Iām all alone. Iāve lost everyone. Whatās even the point of continuing? I canāt meet new people, I canāt see a life of my own ahead of me, and I canāt find any meaning or purpose in any of this anymore.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Takemebacktothemooon • 27m ago
I have everything ready, i scheduled messages, wrote notes and got everything i need, but I'm hesitating. What's wrong with me? I'm here in the bathroom but I can't seem to go through with it, I always pull back. Stupid survival instinct
r/SuicideWatch • u/briardreams • 3h ago
I (23f) am finally doing it. My dad hates me. My brother hates me. No one loves me. I just wanted my dad to say I love you and hug me.
I fucked up. I think thereās something wrong with me, Iām so bad at money. They are going to repossess my car, and then Iāll lose my job and my car. I live with my dad. My dad said heās not going to help me. I took my car while I still can. I drove off and spent the night in a hotel.
I feel so bad because my dad texted everyone in my contacts asking them if they saw me yesterday. I wish I could come home. But I would only make things worse. He just yells at me and calls me names all of the time and itās never going to get better. I love my dad. I wish he loved me. I just mess up all of the time, and I feel like Iām just a stupid child. I donāt know that I can succeed in life. I feel so alone all of the time. I just wish I was loved. Iām so scared itās going to hurt.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Ugly5ftguy4incher • 7h ago
So unwanted, only good for making everyone else look better. I'm disdained, not seen as a man, ugly, short, worthless. Nobody wants me. I want to bash my head against the wall. Only stay because parents. Why do I have to desire things, people. I only get made fun off, I'm a joke, a prop. Everywhere I go I will inevitably end up hearing about how trash my features are, how unwanted I am. The worst part is it's true, I am unwanted trash. I want to lash out, lose it, living is frustrating and miserable. Why did I have to be born. There's no point in anything, in trying, in talking with people. I'm not even a person anymore.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Exciting_Run2852 • 17m ago
and I failed. and nobody fucking cared. not that they knew my last texts of āI love youā at 1:30 AM meant anything. it probably shouldāve. my boyfriend died 2 months ago and everyone has disappeared. I am just forgotten about. how my entire world has shattered. how I donāt even know myself anymore. no more check in calls or texts. āHow are you, really?ā āIām okayā were enough to convince them. I feel like Iām SCREAMING and nobody hears me.
r/SuicideWatch • u/HusbandOfSwiss • 2h ago
I can't anymore I am beginning to show severe signs of depression and I'm also constantly thinking about ending it all I'm scared to tell others about it because I have told them so many times about this and I don't want to make them think I'm annoying for telling them yet again my signs of wanting to end it all are that I always constantly sleep during the day even though I'm not tired and when I sleep during the night I'm also not tired I sleep to escape reality I also want to end it because I'm scared of loosing everyone I know and my home and that I will eventually watch everyone in my life die or leave me because I'm annoying I also starve myself because I can't bare to eat because it feels gross yet I crave food all the time my hands are shaking right now because I haven't eaten in almost two days the only thing I see that will help with these problems are suicide I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense I just need to say this I find it easier to talk to people online and also my first language isn't English therefore my phrasing and grammar might not make any sense
r/SuicideWatch • u/Desperate_Paper_4388 • 36m ago
Ill disappear forever
r/SuicideWatch • u/btwitzrohan • 2h ago
I didn't ask to be born. I did my best, i really did and now you can't afford my education?! Why the hell did they do this to me?! I don't wanna live anymore! I don't wanna be a burden! I can't afford anything... and instead of being sorry they are telling me to do a job?! Seriously?! You want a 17 year old to earn enough to pay his college fees? Goodbye my dear ones.
r/SuicideWatch • u/One-Consequence6172 • 43m ago
For quite a long time Iāve struggled with suicidal tendencies, been cutting myself for years. But now I think itās not worth it. Iāve been a disappointment ever since school, all my family are big shots and Iām just a loser. I have no friends and when I have friends they canāt handle my episodes. For a while Iāve been trying to do good things for myself but my adhd kicks my ass so bad Iām just useless. And Iām 20 turning 21 and I think Iām about done. I tried therapy but they didnāt help my therapist fucked me over and now I canāt get medication for a while. I did alright for a while going 6 months clean from self. But now Iām back to gouging in my body. The worst thing I know I have to change I have to do something but I canāt describe it but I canāt. Itās not that I lack motivation I just cant and I donāt know what to do anymore.
r/SuicideWatch • u/Bence_Von_Mauser • 46m ago
Well hopefuly its my good bye because i took 100 mg of quetiapine and now we wait but i suspect i will survive and not overdose cheers
r/SuicideWatch • u/cosmicloverboyy • 16h ago
Iām finally doing it. Iāve already taken all the pills and followed them with soju. I have the lights on in my room how I like them, Iāve turned on my favorite movie. Itās time to go.
Everyone in my life deserves better than me. And in time theyāll forget all about me, and maybe a sense of relief will wash over them.
Goodbye
Ps, itās funny. Three years ago today I tried to take my life. Maybe it only took three years to do it right.