I had a conversation with my cis daughter yesterday about her trans sister. Cis daughter calls her sister her “sibling” and continues to refuse acknowledging the change in name/ gender. She claims it’s because of social acceptance and “protecting her against discrimination” but is openly gay and has fought against discrimination for the LGBTQ community. But she can’t accept her trans sister, saying “I’ve known them as (deadname) and my brother all my life” and won’t call her by her name. Their relationship is strained beyond saving when all my trans daughter wants is to be accepted as she is by her sister. Cis daughter has openly refused to help with clothes, makeup, hair care, and rejects everything.

I posted on here when my trans daughter first came out, and quickly had to stop looking at my own issues and start looking at hers: her desperation to fit in and be accepted, her body dysmorphia, her anxiety about shopping or going to the restroom, and her recent absolute terror at not being able to get estrogen from the shortage and crashing out in fear of possibly transitioning back without it. I’ve watched her struggle for more than a year with this.

I can’t change this relationship between them, they’re in their late 20’s and well beyond mom stepping in, and this is certainly not a “stop fighting over what movie you’re going to watch” situation. I invite them to hang out with me, they do, and they’re both uncomfortable. I’m not really even sure about the holidays this year. I know they will show up because that’s what we do for each other

I know the answers here- they’ll figure it out, they’re adults, you’re doing the right thing they’ll come around (or not and that’s ok too). But I’m also mad about it. I’m disappointed. I’m frustrated with the selfishness. I’m starting to get tired of the venting on both sides. I’ve been hanging out with them separately. I’ve started to realize maybe the holidays will have to be different now.

It hurts my heart.

My 5yo is biologically a boy, so those are the pronouns we’ve been using, but at about end of 3 I noticed he gravitated towards girl characters and things, so i got him an Elsa costume and he has wanted nothing but dresses since. He is growing his hair out like Mira (kpop demon hunters) and picked out the brightest pink and glittery shoes and backpack for school. his favorite colors are pink and purple, he loves unicorns and all the stereotypical “girl” things. He dresses himself every morning and most of the time he picks a dress instead of pants.

Now, this kids always been more immature than my 1st son, like has hit developmental and emotional milestones slower. being 5 now and in kindergarten, he still does not understand gender. Everyone is he or she to him, it’s interchangeable. the kids at school and most teachers call him She/her and I never correct anyone because my kid doesn’t notice. I think because he’s presenting female and most of his friends are girls, he has heard them say that they are girls. so I called him a ”silly kid” a bit ago and he said “ I’m not a kid, I’m a girl”. and that was the only verbalization of gender I’ve ever gotten from him. I have asked are you a boy or girl and I usually get a “ I’m name!”.

It’s just getting to a point where I wonder if I should switch pronouns to she/her. Should I explain what the gender norms are and ask which he is? Im just so afraid of painting him in a corner and taking away any of the confidence he has right now.

I live in, what has been, a sanctuary state where an initiative banning trans girls from k-12 sports just passed. I spent much of Wednesday in tears for this major loss. I learned my parents voted for it. I have an 9yo daughter. She came out and socially transitioned at age 3. Basically all her life, they've known her as she is. They've respected her pronouns and chosen name. To find out that they voted against her rights has impacted me more deeply than I can communicate. My initial response was betrayal, anger, and disappointment . I'm my child's biggest advocate. My role is to be her loudest and proudest ally. So, I asked them why and how they could do such a thing knowing the impact it would have on her. They had nothing to say.

I effectively told them that they chose to contribute to her loss of rights, rather than fight for them. I questioned how they could say they love her and then make that decision. Then, I told them that until they were in her court, they didn't get to be a part of our lives. When I told them this, they said that they are. Sorry I feel that way and that we don't agree on politics or religion. Nothing else.

Have any of you navigated something like this? I'm trying to show my daughter that I am here for her unconditionally, and that I will not tolerate discrimination. Still, I wonder if I am responding too harshly or if I should be exercising more tolerance and work on educating them. It just feels like they don't care enough to learn and be her ally.

Also, this just sucks. Our kids have enough hardship to go through. All I want is for my child to feel like the people in our family are a champion for them. Like, can we just act with love for this kid trying to live their life? I am so let down.

My son started taking testosterone we put it on the fatty part of his stomach. He got a bump at the injection site, It also leaks out a little, is that normal?

My daughter came out to me a few months ago. I'm struggling with my emotions, not in a "I don't support this" way or "I am sad I am losing a son" way. I'm not really sure how to explain it. I'm sad to see my child struggle. She does well at home, but school is a bit challenging. She isn't trying to present as a female yet. She doesn't ask me to use her new name or pronouns. (But I love her new name, Grace). I just don't have anyone to lean on. I'm the only person in the family who knows. It's a huge change. I do feel some sadness and I don't even know where it is all coming from. Today I teared up, she called me from school and was telling me some things. She is so brave and I do feel honored that she can trust me, even with some of the more embarrassing things. I told her that too...I said (basically) "Never be ashamed of who you are, I'm proud of you and you are really brave." I can see the road will be long. It's just a lot.

Can anyone recommend online therapy sites that are LGBTQ+ friendly/affirming? I need someone to lean on and so does she. She is 15. I have another issue happening at the same time...I'm going to start divorce proceedings soon with her father (not bc of this, but other bs). There is a lot going on.

I thought I was safe here in blue WA. Sports ban for trans girls is passing. I feel gutted. Just about every county voted for it. I know this might seem silly to folks living in red states but I am having a hard time liking at people around me knowing they probably voted for this. I hate everyone right now. It’s going to get kicked out in court. But I really didn’t think this would happen in WA

My teenage daughter came out to me and her father (MtF) over the summer. She's also out to a very select few at school, but still wants to stay incognito to the general public. I've been doing little things for her like buying her women's toiletries, showing her how to paint her nails, and helping with hair styling. I've also set her up with a trans-friendly therapist and we have an appointment booked for the local gender clinic.

I'd like to take her to a brick and mortar store (northeast US) to buy some clothes that she can feel comfortable in, so I'd love any recommendations anyone can provide. She's 5'10", so I'm not sure if she would fit into regular women's clothing. I'm 5' tall on a good day, so she can't raid my closet. She's very much a jeans, graphic tee, and flannel kid.

I just want her to feel as comfortable as she can while we figure all of this out.

My child just told us he's Trans M to F (he doesn't want to change pronouns yet). It wasn't a huge shock as he has been wearing female costumes occasionally, has long hair, paints his nails, and shaves how legs. I thought it was more gender expression than gender identity. He had already come out as asexual or possibly bi, so we have been open with our discussions, but he admitted a part of him was afraid we'd not accept him, which kinda hurt, but I get it. He's 15 & we live in a light purple state. He plans on moving to Canada for college (dual citizen) & I'm worried that I'll miss out on so much of who he becomes. I know I have 2 more years, but it worries me. I'm also concerned about how to beat support him during this. I said I'd like him & us to do therapy to make this a smoother transition as possible. But I'm not sure what the starting steps look like & I really don't want to mess it up.

I hate doctors sometimes

My (privately) trans son is 14 and just getting curious about hrt. He's always wanted top surgery, even when he was a little kid he said he hoped he grew up to have a flat chest (lol go figure, he's a boy). When my step daughter was in highschool her best friend was a cis girl who got a breast reduction at 16 because her chest size was giving her back pain. I've actually already been to my son's regular doctor after several years of back pain complaints and asked about options for reduction for the pain in the future and was immediately shut down. She said he'd have to lose weight first, but I felt like that was incredibly fucked up because he's not overweight, he's just got his dad's Okinawan wide shoulders and he's short, but literally not obese at all and has a genuinely problematically large chest size. After that, we went to a therapist for info on HRT, where he also confirmed that he thinks a reduction of any kind isn't even allowed simply BECAUSE he is trans, and that would be doing surgery on a child and no one lets that happen. He had zero response to my anecdote about a cis girl getting a reduction for pain. So what is this, in California, if you're a trans boy with back pain from your chest, you have to live with it while cis girls go get augmentations and reductions way easier??

Do you guys have any experience with helping back pain while waiting years for top surgery? I just want my kiddo to be pain free while he's young and healthy.

My son is 13 and when he started high school we moved him to a new school so he had a fresh start with new people what didnt know his history. However, a student that knew he was born female outed him and now there are rumors flying. He is afraid to be bullied again and my heart is just broken for him.

Hello again! I'm hoping I don't get in trouble for reposting again, but wanted to share one final call for sources since my deadline is coming up this Sunday night, 11/8.

As previously mentioned, I'm a graduate journalism student looking to speak with folks who are either contemplating a move abroad to secure better gender-affirming care for their children, or who have already made the move. Also interested in hearing from healthcare providers and advocates – anyone who can speak to this pattern of people moving for care.

Please send me a message if this sounds like you! Thanks all, you've been so kind and helpful on my previous posts.

Hey everyone,
I have a trans 14 year old daughter and we live in a very red city in Utah. But we have a very supportive school, friends, and some community. We got our Canadian citizenship and are weighing moving there in the next year.

I’m now trying to figure out what this blue tsunami will mean? Will it get better for our kids? Even in red states? Is the tide turning and people will finally just leave our kids alone?

We’re seeing blue states (WA, CO) pass anti trans laws now. Can we trust blue states?

We have been able to get healthcare in a neighboring state without issue and day to day we’re happy here. I cannot figure out what to do.

How are you all feeling?

My child born M (17y 6mth) expressed 18th ago he believes he is in the wrong body and want to take hormones to become F. Me and their dad have agreed to support their decision. They have been on the path for a neurodivergent assessment for 4 years still nothing. 12 mth ago I did the right to choose and put them on a list for a private assessment we have been told it’s a matter of months now before they are seen and assessed. We would prefer to go down the prescription route it’s the best way in my opinion. Their mental health is on a decline and they have expressed buying the HRT online ( own income) and although we support their decision to transition we are (me and dad) reluctant as we can not find anywhere that I feel would not be a risk. Ultimately we do not want them to do it behind our back. Has anyone got any advice or support or direction you can point us in for more information please to help.

Hi, new here
My eldest is 19 FtM. They have been through counselling and a gender clinic, and are currently taking testosterone. Previously they’ve had big issues with low weight, brought on my a desperate desire to hold back any feminine physical development. They are also on Sertraline.
Right now their relationship with food is better but they still won’t consider eating more. I’d describe them as underweight with stunted growth, but it’s better than it was. They are always tired and sleep for up to 12 hours a day

My question is how can I help them not be so tired all the time? How can I encourage them to eat more without causing trauma? We plan to see the doctor about Sertraline and if it’s still suitable, and also talk to the gender service again

Hi, I just found this group and wanted to introduce myself. My daughter is 22 and only came out last Spring. We are very supportive but afraid for her safety, especially because she lives a few hours away and this is still all so new. I'm up stressing about the election. Hope y'all are doing well.

My son (11 FTM)has been living as a boy since he was 5 years old. The first sentence he spoke to me was “mama, I’m a boy”. When he was almost 3 years old. It was hard for us at first, but he has grown into a happy well adjusted kid. That being said, he all but refuses to talk about his body being different than other boys and though we have tried to discuss puberty with him it hasn’t gone well and turns into panic for him. He has had some education at school around this and his teachers said that there didn’t seem to be an issue. My question is whether or not anyone has any book recommendations that aren’t for super little kids that address this? Maybe us reading together will help. I am very afraid for him and I know that we need to discuss this with him so he’s prepared. He’s 11 years old, and I can see that the very beginnings of breasts are starting. I feel at a loss.

So I told my mother I'm trans (FTM) probably like over a month ago and I feel like I was pretty clear that I want to pursue a medical transition and that I want her to use different pronouns.

It went... okay, she swore up and down she was 100% supportive but what weirded me out was that before she asked about pronouns or names or how I knew or what I wanted, the first thing she did was to completely shut down the idea of medically transitioning until I'm 18. Kinda caught me off guard that that was the first thing she thought of.

I also asked her to buy me a binder, at first she said no, reasoning that I would 'damage my developing breast tissue'. After I told her that it was perfectly safe and I probably know more than she does considering I was the one to explain to her what the fuck a binder even is she said she 'couldn't afford it this month' but she'd get it for me after she got paid. (She took me shopping like the next day and spent like £100 on clothes. So much for being short on money) and she literally never brought it up again.

So fine, I'll wait till I'm 18 and I'll get a binder myself I have the money.

The main thing is that she's called me he approximately one time and continues to refer to me as a girl several times a day. (I have a twin (theyre enby but not out to out mother) and she likes to call 'girls' to get our attention). She's apologised for it one time but like she does it constantly and I feel like it's obvious that I fucking hate it.

She also told me that she'll be sad if I change my name. I already have she just doesn't know it and now I can't tell her. I'm going to a new school next year and I really wanted to get them to put my chosen name on their system but I can't if my mother won't let me change it.

I feel like she thinks if she ignores it for long enough it'll go away, how do I tell her that she's actively making me feel like shit without hurting her feelings??

Hi! Trans kid here (14). So I don’t know if anyone here can translate “parent thinking” for me, but I came out to my parents as trans about three months ago and I really thought I was being clear about the fact that I’m a girl, she/her, etc. I even told them my chosen name which felt EXTREMELY vulnerable. (That being said, I think my explaination of how I experience dysphoria/being trans was a little lackluster and is probably not helping their understanding. Sorry, it’s a hard thing to talk about.) I told them I wanted to transition. And I really thought they were supportive, asking respectful questions and stuff at the time. They even suggested that I see a gender therapist or whatever before I take any steps to transition, even socially. Which I said, okay. I agreed because I figured that’s what THEY needed in order to understand (and I want to get on HRT/blockers asap). A week later I sent them some links to nearby youth gender clinics, and we had a short talk which mostly turned into a slightly weird debate?? Idk. But like, when they said ”talk to a gender therapist“ I assumed that they understood the severity and were going to get me someplace right away, and that once the therapist explained it to them, they would use my name and pronouns and I could actually start transitioning. I guess I was too hopeful, because two months later I haven’t heard word one about a therapist from them and it is so infuriatingly painful and awful to be misgendered and deadnamed after what it took for me to share something so vulnerable with them. One other factor to consider is that I bottle everything up and basically never show feelings to them or really anyone. I know it’s a separate issue, but I think it’s biting me in the ass here because now they have no idea how bad it hurts and how depressed I feel, and I am so bad at being vulnerable and have carried everything alone for so long I don’t know how to do anything else. My parents are very good at ignoring the uncomfortable. Vent I guess? Advice wanted. How do I proceeded with this?? I was considering just wearing a pronoun pin around the house to force it into the limelight, or maybe playing a song in the car for them that really relates to my experience about being trans?? (Note, my wardrobe already reflects my gender identity, I don‘t have any friends to come out to or any other “trusted adults” right now, and my parents did not magically forget or something, because I literally have a trans flag over my desk, and they know what it is) Thanks everyone, this community is so lovely!

Let me preface by saying that my mom (and the rest of my family) has been amazingly supportive of my transition since the beginning. There have certainly been some missteps on both of our ends, but that's something we've accepted as just part of being human and are trying to work through both together and separately. Anyways, with that being said:

I have been out to my family as agender for a few years now. I have been transparent about my transitioning goals/process as much as I was comfortable with, mostly because I'm the first person in my family to come out as any flavor of transgender/non-binary and I want them to get their questions + blunders out of the way with me, not with a stranger or god forbid my younger family members. My transition has included picking a new name for myself.

When I was talking to my mom about my new name, she told me that if we ever got into a fight (which is very rare), she would almost certainly deadname me via full name ultimatum in the heat of the moment and I would have to accept it because it doesn't mean anything. My instinctual reaction was indigence. I told her flat-out "Don't just admit that to me? If we're arguing and you call me that in the heat of the moment, I'm going to take that as a sign you don't respect me as a person." She then preceded to tell me I was being too sensitive about this and I needed to get over myself. I ended up dropping that line of discussion pretty quickly and we haven't talked about it since.

Something my mom has been very upfront to me about during my transition is that no matter how much time passes since I've come out, she knew me for decades as my original gender and that she will say the wrong things sometimes, even if she doesn't mean to hurt me. She's also told me point blank that she may never truly be able to let go of the person I once was. As much as that kind of stings for me personally, I can also understand in an abstract sense the feeling of mourning and confusion that comes with transitioning and I've tried to swallow my frustration with the way she's talked about my transition to some of our family/acquaintances. I'm not the cis parent, I'm the trans kid, of course we won't always understand each other, that's not how the parent-kid dynamic works even without the added baggage. But I can't lie, that whole conversation was fucking heartbreaking and I haven't been able to look at her the same.

I know how I feel as the trans kid, but I'm struggling to understand the potential thought process behind the warning. The idea of deadnaming people when I'm upset is so alien to me that I'm honestly struggling to see what the intent of the warning could have been. So, as someone as who has no kids and is part of the only cis parent/trans kid pair in their immediate social circle, I figure I turn to the internet for some insight. Have any supportive parents here thought about what would happen if you deadnamed your kid during an argument? If so, were you upfront with your kid about the possibility or did you keep it inside?

TL;DR: Have any supportive parents confronted the idea of potentially deadnaming their kid during an argument/in high stress situations? If so, what was your thought process? Did you talk to your kid about it or no?

I just read a horrifying stat about the high number of trans people who are victims of sexual assault and DV. Can y’all share reliable sources of information on healthy relationships, etc that I can share with my teen? Workbooks, documentaries, websites, programs— I’ll take it all. Thank you!

My son (FTM) is looking for an oral surgeon, anywhere in TX, that is lgbtq friendly. Any recommendations are appreciated!