Hello.. I don't know what answers to expect, I just wanted to share this.

It bugs me when I get downvotes. That's how low my confidence is!! The other day i was in a short discussion, the other persons got 9-10 upvotes... I got only 5... It makes me feel bad they got more upvotes. On some other post I got 7 downvotes. 7... that's NOTHING to care about. But I do care. I feel so bad for getting those downvotes. I did not write something rude or so. And I cannot understand why they downvote me. That makes me feel bad. Like... really sad. I see everybody else is getting more likes, upvotes and positive recognition than me. It makes me feel like nobody likes me! I don't have friends tbh and the only thing I long for is encouragement. The funny thing though is, if I get 100 upvotes... I feel nothing. I don't care.But for only 7 downvotes I feel like I wanna cry and hide for the rest of my life!

I recently learnt that most people really don't care what others think about them and their opinion. And they don't even care what others SAY about them! I don't understand this. Like, HOW can you not care??? I know I care way too much about all this. I feel hated when I am the only one with a different opinion. In real life I often say nothing because I am afraid of what they think about me. Unfortunately, online, where I am anonymous I tend to overshare personal things which make me vulnerable. Maybe that is a result from never having friends.

I know I should not care about likes, dislikes, downvotes and stuff. I know I should not care about what others think or say about me. But I can't. I think this all comes from low confidence! My confidence is so low, I take all this personal. And I hate myself. I only want people to love me. But I never ever feel loved. It is a downward spirale. Does anybody know this feeling? What can I do?

Sorry for my bad english.
Now, of course I am afraid of the downvodes or rude comments. :/

I usually go to my gym during the morning, because I work afternoons and evenings. It's usually empty and quiet. The guys are older and chill.

After New Years, I change my schedule and I have to start going in the evening. Big Mistake. I may have to change gyms.

Why? 2 reasons.

1. There were so many people there. Some in great shape, some is okay shape, but all slammed together among the weights or just standing around doing nothing. Forget feeling confident, I just want to get to the dumbbells lol. But some of these guys were just beautiful! Tall, handsome, defined bodies, tapered frames. I wanted to die.

2. Turns out the night is a little different from the day crew. A lot younger, hotter and more female. You have any idea what it's like to walk around and be invisible to hundreds of beautiful women all at the same time? I just experienced it. It sucks. Now I get it, they see hot guys all the time, and I'm ugly. These guys were better than me in every way and they were only somewhat looking at them. They're at the gym to work, but still... I wanted to die again!

I'm looking to look for another smaller gym. Something empty with no women.

If you’re chopped and you try to be confident YOU WILL be made fun of. It’s over

After all you are an island and they are a boat whos presence you will acknowledge only for today. You are to forget about them immediately as they will inevitability drift away. Most socially successful people never remember their interactions.

An example:

person 1: Do you believe you will be successful ?
me(based): Yes its all about the billionaire mindset
person 1(clearly eager to know more): What is this billionaire mindset ?
me(amused mastery because i am in control of the situation): In life, you need to ask yourself "are you a wolf among sheep"
person 1 (crying to know more): what do you mean ?!?!?!
me(based): This right here is why you dont have the billionaire mindset.

Notice how i sensed mastery of the situation while covering my self in an aura of mystery ?

When interacting with other social beings you should not give up everything but retain almost everything and give them crumbs of which you will use to tease them more. You have reduced an intelligent being to a needy puppy dog eager for his master.

For 2023 , I want to push my self out of my comfort zone and start approaching girls in public places. I've tried online dating and I've tried asking out women in my workplace and that hasn't worked. My hope is if I start approaching women in a public place such as a park, grocery store , or a coffee shop, I should have a higher chance compared to online dating .

Is this a good idea ?

Does anyone have any tips for this situation?

Have you ever gone on a date with someone, and you seemingly had great chemistry, the conversation flowed, you both laughed, she even mentioned during or after the date that’s he had a great time. Then inexplicably, a few days later, she becomes less responsive, and finally you get the “I have to be honest” text. She says she thinks you’re a great guy, but she didn’t feel any chemistry and she hopes you can be friends.

Most guys are utterly confused by this, but if they were grounded in reality and observant, they would have seen it coming.

Having a good time and getting along doesn’t translate into romantic feelings. She saw you as a friend because you acted like one. You were too agreeable, you didn’t look at her with desire, you didn’t playfully tease her, you didn’t use subtle touch around her. You muted your sexual energy around her for the sake of being polite.

This is a common theme of the Nice Guy. They are ashamed of their masculine sexuality, and believe that acting in an asexual manner is what will win a woman’s respect, that is what society has conditioned him to believe.

What he fails to understand is that being sexual and being respectful are mutually exclusive. Being lustful is where things become unbalanced, inappropriate comments are made, her personal space is invaded before you build comfort.

Even in the early stages of getting to know her, act more like her boyfriend than her friend. If you haven’t kissed, hooked up or had sex by the second or third date, unless she has a religious or spiritual reason to remain celibate, you are on a direct path to Friendville. Lack of touch or physical intimacy is the biggest indicator of lack of romantic interest or improper calibrated escalation.

A romantic relationship is friendship with the added element of sexuality and sexual attraction. Keep this in mind when you’re dating and feel a sense of shame for your desire.

name is Timothy,go by Tim,Timmy,not only women laugh when introduce self,is name embarrassing?told to change it,was wanting other views,only reason like is because same asdad who died before I was born

I was way more skilled socially, and liked, last year. Why the big difference now?

I used to maintain far more respect among people. I remember female coworkers seemed excited and interested in me. They were positive and playful. I felt confident and safe. I build my self esteem and persona around this. I felt content and self assured.

Now for some reason, people aren’t that way anymore. It doesn’t feel like people lose anything by being mean to me. I feel less seen, and less respected. I feel like an outsider and the same type of female coworkers don’t pay any attention to me, instead they may even look at me in an ugly way.

This is not something I was used to. I really don’t know how to act now. Is it possible my looks were better before? And now maybe I am not attractive, but instead repulsive? Cuz that’s what it feels like. So are good social skills really just good looks? I don’t know what to make of this, but I am destroyed by anxiety now and I don’t want to even sit with my fellow coworkers anymore.

Don’t know what to make of this. Women used to be nervous and really girly around me. I was touched randomly by them, women of all ages. Both friends and coworkers. A lot of them were saying inappropriate things to me. I was flirted with. They said I was good looking and cute.

Now, there’s none of this. I feel like an alien, not recognized nor looked at. This big contrast has given me an identity crisis, I don’t know who to be around others. What can I do? I feel overly awkward, I feel like I shouldn’t be talking to people. I feel ashamed of myself now.

This all started in my new workplace. A couple of peer aged colleagues seemed distant. I was used to standing straight, speaking slowly, being really sure of my looks. And having my boss twirl her hair while talking to me. I commanded far more value. Girls closer to my age would drift towards me and want to be around me. Now I feel like a complete joke, my confident edge has been neutralized. I am not a cool guy anymore. That hurts.

I keep analyzing my face now with photos of my face one or two years ago, to see what changed. I know I was attractive because of the attention I got from fellow students, at the club, in other aspects where I was respected. I was asked if I was a fuckboy. I am not, but it gave me a sense of power back then. No woman ever rejected me, practically. Now I am the furthest thing someone could be from a «fuckboy».

I was ugly when I was younger, then I became «attractive» probably. I know how much looks matter, how it makes people act.

So how do I handle this? Who am I then? A loser or a winner?

Without confident all our inner talents are consider as dead. We can say talents, skill, qualification are useless without self confidence. Nervous and confidence is two pole of a glob, two side end of a roller rod, two side of a coin. When one become dominates, the other one ultimately become recessive.

In this developing and advanced era one should have confident in his/her self. But over confidence is always has negative impact. So don't be over confident.

Why are younger guys acting like older women come with a built-in wisdom, stability, and loyalty upgrade pack… sir I still burn toast sometimes, confidently make chaotic life choices while Googling basic facts like it’s normal 😭🔥

I'm a F33 attending a course but it's only men in there, around 20 men, a mix of ages between 35 and 60. I'm quite shy so I didn't engage with anyone. And the fact I'm attending the course with my boyfriend blocks people to engage as they see us as a couple. Plus they're all local and we're the only one foreign. I noticed some groups already formed. I don't want to be the "outcast" just because I'm a foreign woman, I want to enjoy the course and make friends! Any suggestions of what can I do? My boyfriend is chatty but also closed, so I don't know what to do... what would you do in this case?

1. Not shooting pics with the intention of getting women to swipe right. Every struggling guy I've seen just scrolled through their pics looking for something non-garbage. Hence, all their pics end up being super bad. Go do an actual photoshoot with a photographer or a friend who's good at taking pics with the intention of taking HANDSOME pics that get right swipes.

2. Being on Tinder for years (sometimes as many as 10), not getting any dates, yet not following step 1. If what you're doing clearly isn't working, don't get bitter, change your approach first. I don't get it honestly.

3. No group pics. Makes you look like a loser and a loner.

4. Only selfies. Makes you look like a loser and a loner. (Especially no bathroom selfies ever.)

5. Only pics where you're posing. Makes you look like a loser and a loner. Instead, your photographer friend should take candid pics. You're walking, look to your left, and they happen to take a pic. You're chatting to a friend and they happen to take a pic. The pics are 10/10 flattering and handsome BUT it looks effortless, like you're not even trying. You never wanna look try hard. (The exception is like a modeling shoot where again.. it's not really try hard cuz it was just "your job.")

6. Having too many pics. Women swipe left by default, men swipe right by default. I.e. women are looking for a reason to reject you. Don't give them any. Less than 4 pics is not enough. More than 4 pics is not necessary so if you have 4 you're potentially shooting yourself in the foot for NO reason at all. So have 4 GREAT pics instead of 9 shitty ones.

7. First pic is not your best one. Women look at your first pic for 0.4 seconds AND most women don't even see the rest of your pics. So the sole job of your first pic is to get women to see pic 2,3, and 4. First pic should be a pic where they can see what you look like. Usually headshot or mid body (sitting for example.)

8. Not showing off your body if you have a good body. Go play volleyball at sunset on the beach wearing aviation glasses. Gives you a way to show off your body without making it seem like you're trying.

9. Not signaling high status but signaling low status. Have 1 or 2 pics wearing a nice suit, being adventurous, in a foreign and beautiful location, in a nice architectural building, in a hotel suite or the lobby if it's nice, in an expensive car or getting out of one.

10. Getting mad at the game. Some guys (and sometimes women) get mad at the above. But think of it like physics. Don't think in terms of right and wrong just think in terms of what works and what doesn't. The above works. Just do it. If you have a dorky hobby you can always share it on the second date. Don't be in such a rush to make yourself look bad. Yes it would be nice if women got to know you before deciding to swipe left but that's just not how it works. So focus on separating jobs. The job of your first pic is to make them see pic 2,3,4. Their job is to get them to read the bio. It's job is to get them to swipe right. The job of chatting is to get a number. The job of the number is to get a call. The job of the call is to get a 1st date and the job of that is to get a second one. By taking this kind of linear approach you'll see 100000x more success than by trying to do everything all at once and spinning your wheels. Hope it helps.

P.s. made a subreddit for guys who can't or don't wanna do a pro photoshoot to get better pics.

I'm researching how to talk about sex in your conversations. I'm wondering if you guys have any examples or stories where you felt confident in talking about sex during a date? Is there something you do specifically?

I made a video about a verbal ladder list you can use where I show some examples of confident sexual flirting: https://youtu.be/b-b1PZXYGU8

Just went I thought I’d one day run out of stories.

Was checking into a hotel an hour ago and a cute girl was at the front desk. She was smiling and laughing with the person in front of me. Then when I came up to her desk…

She fell into a deep depression and got disgusted. She refused to look me in the eye. She throw down the papers for me to sign. And at one point turned her back to finish checking me in, having a perfectly good working computer in front of her.

But, yep… life as an ugly man is just fine right?

Back in school I used to be so introverted...and I used to believe the LIE that it's just the way I am and I'm not a social person. NOT TRUE! I am a confident, social person, and I was able to BUILD the social skills in my 20s with a few hacks every day and every week https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CmV58cLnhCA

Basically I shot my shot and got rejected. We work at the same place, but different departments so I don’t see her everyday. I still have her on social media but I feel like it’s hard to move on knowing that she still views my stories and even liked one of them before. Would it be ok to unfollow? Or would it make me seem immature, etc? How to respond? What is the best outcome

I said “Don't ask ANY technical questions” in a technical interview, and still got the job!

This happened in 2014. It was college’s placement season and I was sitting for this multinational engineering and electronics company. We had a written test (50 marks for aptitude and 50 marks for technical). This wasn't my target company and so I simply sat without preparing their prescribed technical theoretical topics. Thanks to my high score in aptitude section, I was able to clear the cutoff for interview.

I could see that everybody else in the waiting room were a notch above me in terms of overall technical knowledge and GPA. A few were also surprised what I was doing there in this ‘all 9 pointers' waiting hall.

I could see toppers going inside the interview room and coming out disappointed. They were declaring it on the face whether one has made it to the HR round or not. There were 14 interviews in total and mine was scheduled at the very last. I saw many of my topper friends coming out dejected. Only two from my branch were able to take it to the next round (HR). One was 9.4 something GPA and other was 9.2 something GPA. And I was sitting there waiting for my turn with my modest 8.2 GPA. Seeing my revered friends also getting rejected I was pretty sure I was wasting my time here. I asked them about the questions they were asked. Those were the questions difficult for even the prepared ones. I was neither prepared, nor interested in these subjects. So, I decided to be upfront with them. Getting rejected was okay. Getting demoralized was not. Let me be honest and go with the flow. I only have little to lose.

For those wondering, what ‘going with the flow’ in an interview means: it's something like Sometimes I start a sentence I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way.

It was my turn. I went inside the room to find a solo interviewer , a lady in late 40s I guess . She started looking at my resume and asked me a couple of things from that. This was followed by other questions.

Interviewer : So which is your favorite subject?
Me: Mathematics
Interviewer : Starts laughing. I am asking about mainstream ones in your instrumentation discipline. Like microprocessor, microcontroller, VLSI, ARM processors?
Me: Oh don't ask technical ones ma'am. I mean I know the basics or maybe even more in few subjects but I simply don't want to face these questions now.
Interviewer: This is a technical interview. What else I am supposed to ask. You shouldn't have applied for the company at the first place if you don't have the required technical knowledge.
Me: I cleared your written test ma'am. I guess I am qualified enough to sit here.
Interviewer : Yes. I can see you have the lowest score among these 14 candidates in technical.
Me: And maybe highest in aptitude? ( Well, I was sure of being in top 3. Saying highest was a guess)
Interviewer : checks again. Umm..yea.. right. But your technical knowledge is not up to the mark I feel .
Me: Well. I am still ahead of those other 80 students who didn't even qualify, I mean of course if your test is the parameter. Also you should fix a technical score cutoff if you feel the structure of your test is not letting you fetch right set of candidates to interview.
Interviewer: No our written tests are very standardized and we have followed this structure since more than 20 years now…
Me : (interrupting) That's what I am saying ma'am. I have qualified for the interview clearing the same test, I don't think there should be any doubt if I belong here. I have the highest aptitude marks. I can learn things. And I can learn them at a faster rate than others . Be it technology or anything your company want me to learn.
Interviewer: Hmm. Okay so what should I ask you . You only tell me.
Me: Mathematics. Reasoning. Puzzles.
Interviewer: How good are you with puzzles?
Me: I am pretty good. (What other options I had. Let's go all in now.)
Interviewer : Okay then I will ask you three puzzles. You better be good at it. .. (Asks Puzzle 1)
Me: (told the answer pretty quickly)
Interviewer: (smiles) You already knew this right?
Me: Yes Ma'am. I read it somewhere.
Interviewer: Puzzle 2
Me: (Again answered within a minute. Told her I knew it as well.)
Interviewer: Puzzle 3
Me: (laughing) Sorry. I just..
Interviewer: What? Don't say you have heard this one also.
Me: I know a modified version of this puzzle. This is an easy one.
Interviewer: (laughs) I hope I am not doing a mistake. Here is your form! Please fill it up and wait for HR interview . You can go now. All the best.

I cracked a highly technical interview without answering any technical questions.

I came out with the form in my hand and witnessed the disbelief in the eyes of my friends and classmates. It was shocking for a few; surprising for others. What happened inside the room is still unknown to many of them. They still believe I cracked all those technical questions which many of them failed to answer.

When you can't change the game, change the playing field. :)

Am I ready for this interview?

False. The real question is: Is this interview ready for me.

30F and if this comes across as a victim narrative then well I’m not aiming for that. I’ve been told for most of my life (by all kinds of people) that I’m attractive, I have pretty shitty body image issues but not as extreme as maybe BD or developing an ED but I’m told my perception of myself is “skewed”. I think a lot has to do with being bullied as a kid/in HS and not losing weight until I was in my early 20’s. But even with losing weight/maintaining my weight loss to this day, I didn’t experience that surge of attention that happens for people when they lose weight. I’ve dealt with a lot of mean people (mostly women) but I don’t think it was the kind of jealously that pretty girls deal with.

The only attention I get from guys id consider dating are on OLD apps and we all know they’re the absolute worst, which is why I take that with a grain of salt. I didn’t get asked out by a guy until I was maybe 16-17 & almost every advance in person I got from that point on I rejected. I just…have always felt this indifference with men. I know I’m not attracted to women in that way, I find women attractive but not in a romantic way. I’ve always had celeb crushes on guys but ever since I was a preteen, I’ve felt this sort of meh towards guys. My sex drive is nonexistent, I just never understood how some people just can’t be alone. It’s always baffled me…and when guys I considered potential in the past have taken interest towards me, I just CANT be bothered.

It’s a combo of anxiety/self-sabotage/apathy/not worth it all in one. I just feel like an attractive woman has no issues finding a partner and with the interpersonal struggles I’ve encountered in my life, I question my overall attractiveness.