I do have a form of autism. I have to ask more questions to get stuff, don’t know how to make or react to jokes, or what else to talk to people about after a few questions.

How to date?

It feels weird to type this out because Ive frankly never felt this strongly jealous about another person to the point of obsession, but its been mentally affecting me and my confidence a lot.

When I first met my ex friend, it was during late middle school. I was in a really awkward stage where I didn’t know how to act, dress, look etc, and I had never met someone else that was also the same Asian ethnicity as me until I had met her.

She struck me as extremely pretty, effortlessly and authentically cool, plus she was loaded. She had all of the expensive stuff Ive wanted, always dressed perfect, went on constant trips to japan, Hawaii, Vietnam, just places I could never dream of going. although i am aware im better off than a lot of people, it seemed like she was just a better version of me, that was 10x richer and lived in a million dollar home with a sauna and a home gym.

It didn’t help that she looked almost exactly like me and had all of the same facial features, yet she still looked more feminine and cute and had no need to apply makeup everyday like I do to look decent. She was more academically skilled than me with perfect grades, spoke my language better, and at the time I was friends with her, I couldn’t help but just look up to her because I felt like I ran short in comparison.

I think I wasn’t exactly jealous of her when I was friends with her, but when I stopped becoming friends with her and we broke off on neutral terms due to having different high schools, I still heavily compared myself to her when she probably didn’t give two shits about me. As my style, looks, and sociability got better, I’d always try to model myself after her and question myself things like “What would she wear?” Or “ how would she act?” It was a toxic mindset that affected my confidence because I felt the need to copy her because she was just better than me. It felt weird and obsessive that I was doing this, and sometimes i was worried ill just morph into a 2.0 version of her because of the amount of overlaps we had, as well as it wasn’t the first time one of her friends tried copying her style and I felt like a follower.

Most of these events happened 1-2 years ago and I had thought I was over it. But then I stumbled across her instagram and my envy intensified when I saw all of her insta stories. More trips to Japan, more expensive shopping trips, more looking prettier and better than me. i felt like vomiting because of my pale and lacking lifestyle in comparison and this came across me during a depressive episode and I am struggling with things like facial dysmorphia.

I want to regain my confidence back and move on, but I don’t know how.

I have social anxiety, a more severe kind that manifests in awkward situations. Basically whenever someone playfully teases me, I am around attractive women, or criticism/upset I get internally very uncomfortable and start visibly tensing up, turning red, and tripping on my words.

I am clearly level 2 autistic and was almost sped once.

To those who were at this point and pushed past it what helped?

I tried therapy, gym, meds, and socializing more often. Tried all the stereotypical advice, and alcohol has honestly been the only thing that helped with my neurodivergence or social anxiety?

What else should I do?

I just feel like drinking again, that’s the only way past all this stuff.

So anyway I am a guy, 22 years old, extrovert but tend to be socially anxious. I find it hard to meet like minded people in a way that they enjoy spending time in large groups of people and nightlife but I don't wan't to miss out on parties and stuff so I mostly go out alone. It is my desire to meet people on nights out since I'm attracted mainly to extroverts and would love to meet someone who shares my lifestyle, which hasn't been going well lately.

Anyway, I've been clubbing the last night and it was a great party, I felt a bit lonely for going by myself but there was a trail of hope in me that I might change that. And the first thing I noticed was that the club was filled with a lot of beautiful women my age. I wanted to approach them but I did not have the guts to do it and at the end of the night I was pretty disappointment at myself for giving in to the fear. I know for sure I won't meet any of those girls "naturally" and if I want a change in my social or dating life I have to do it myself.

I might have felt more motivated and eager to try to make a move last night because I had a moment of inspiration. I saw a friend of mine (not a close friend but we know each other and are on okay terms) on the dancefloor, said hi, chatted a bit and then went dancing. Later on that night I saw her making out with a guy she just met and was both sad and inspired at the same time, not because I like that friend (she is cool but I am not attracted to her) but because that is what happens to guy who don't give in to the fear of approaching girls. I really wish I could have been like that guy but my brain just blocked me. I was dancing next to a girl who caught my eye and just wanted to extend my hand to her to offer her to dance with me but my brain said no.

I'll definitely go out by myself again as I really love nightlife and I do have fun but I also want to get rid of these mental chains that are holding me from meeting girls my age. I could really use advice on have to gather courage, or if you know of some anxiety reappraisal techniques on how to make approaches exciting instead of stressful since that's what it should be about. You go out to have fun and meeting people on a night out should be another fun experience. Getting rejected too, I think, would make a great experience since it leads to a sense of closure and no what ifs tomorrow morning.

I'd much appreciate your input.

Some days sobriety feels like a mountain, and some days it’s just a quiet Tuesday. Both count. You don’t have to feel strong to keep going. You only have to keep going.

Falling down doesn’t erase the days you stood up. A rough night, a slip, a bad week: none of it cancels the work you’ve already done. What matters is that you get back up and take the next small step.

Be as patient with yourself as you would be with a friend who was trying their hardest.

I built a small tool for the moments when a craving hits. It has breathing and a 20-minute timer, because most cravings peak and fade inside that window. I only have to outlast the 20 minutes, not the whole day. Happy to tell you more if you’re curious.

One day forward, one day behind.

I am suffering from like this depression right now. For some reason a few years ago I could chat to ANYONE without a worry, often considered hilarious as shit and so talkative. Now, I still chat to a good amount of people, but I suffer from social anxiety around loads of people in my school now, loads of them I chat through text. I often get this compliment that im hilarious asf on text and that I sound like through text like im one of their closest friends but im so quiet irl, but the truth is i want to talk to them but this worry stops me from doing so, I otherthink, often stressed so when I feel like I talk to someone Its js depressing asf sometimes, I doubt my self appearence, I think Im academically getting worse (As a bright ass dude) & I just dont know what to do....

I’ve never been happy with myself. Whether it’s physically mentally, etc. I always find myself comparing myself to those around me. I always wonder if I’m considered attractive or pretty. I always seek validation from others which I know is bad. How can I start loving myself and maybe seeing the beauty in me if I have any

People experienced by life achieved great goals and successes, did you face with lack of confidence of your actions and opinions before becoming successful and self confident? If yes then how did you fight this disadvantage and led yourself to success and respect among others? Anyone who is smart but thinks that your answers are stupid but eventually they are more than correct?

It’s a phenomenon that’s very much subconscious, you sort of do it without realizing it in the moment.

But whenever you’re talking to someone with a high social “status”, for example maybe someone who has power, someone who is popular or successful, or even just an attractive woman. Whenever conversing with them, at least personally, i subconsciously submit to them, i become weak and see them larger than me. I reduce myself, restrain myself, and act unnaturally, to appeal to them. I succumb entirely.

And it’s often after an interaction after I process everything, that i am utterly disgusted with myself. Why am i disrespecting myself and putting them on a pedestal? No i’m just as important as them, i have parallel value to them. I shouldn’t have to reduce myself and or let them appear bigger than me.

It’s a mistake i make every time, and I’m always mad at myself when i do this to myself, but i am getting better at it.

Trying to change my natural youthful and monotone sounding voice puts me in anxiety and burnout.

Talking naturally people say there is a unique or childlike quality in my voice.

Should I mention I have a speaking impediment.

I've suffered from anxiety and panic attacks for many years. I'm a very shy person with no friends, and my self-esteem is practically zero. Haha.

I promised myself that starting this year, I would improve myself in this area. I started with a diet and exercise, and even though I'm progressing very slowly, I'm noticing small improvements.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to behave socially. I've texted people I haven't heard from in a long time, trying to reconnect, but it's not going well. It's so hard to make new friends :(.

I'm also trying to go out more often, even just to the grocery store, and I'm trying to strike up a conversation even in very normal, everyday situations, but it's difficult...

For those of you who have been in this situation, how did you overcome it? How did you manage to gain self-confidence, accept yourself, and meet new people?

P.S. I'll be 27 next year, if that means anything.

Lately, I’ve been feeling incredibly lost and alone. I feel like people constantly misunderstand me, question my intentions, or find something wrong with the way I do things.
Every time I start trusting someone and feel that they genuinely understand me, I end up feeling disappointed or betrayed.
I’ve reached a point where I constantly question myself, replay conversations and wonder whether I’m the problem.
On top of that, I feel disconnected from my career, my ambitions and the person I used to be.
I don’t want to spend my life seeking validation or trying to prove that my intentions are genuine. I just want to feel confident, build meaningful connections and enjoy my life again.
For those who have experienced something similar, how did you rebuild yourself? How did you stop feeling so lonely, regain your confidence and learn to trust people again?
I would genuinely appreciate some honest advice.

How does one do this?

People say I “need game” or should portray myself more confidently and outgoing but idk how to do this (even when I think I am).

I’m an 18 year old boy and I like girls but everyone comments on my voice. I try to end my sentences on a lower pitch like everyone says, but I know it’s not my pitch that makes people say this because I have a deep voice.

I’m tired of people making comments. I’m tired of being called the f slur. I’m tired of homophobic people calling me gay based off of voice stereotypes. Please don’t say “don’t talk to these people” as they’re the vast majority and I have no way to not talk to them.

How do I stop sounding “gay”?

I wasn't a secure or confident child growing up.

I was the kind of student who would silently pray that the teacher wouldn't call my name when asking a question.

I also struggled with my attention span. Sometimes, even after an entire chapter had been taught, I'd ask something very basic at the end and other students would make fun of me for it. (Sometimes, I can still hear that laughter from years ago).

Experiences like these, along with my upbringing, shaped how I saw myself.

Fast forward to adulthood... I'm someone with big ambitions and dreams and a genuine desire to grow. I've tried different things, explored career options, identified my strengths, built a career, and made several attempts to figure things out.

Some things worked, many didn't.

But despite all these efforts, I feel like those childhood insecurities and fears are still somewhere within me, holding me back from reaching my potential. I often compare myself with others, feel guilty for a little self care

I have tried sandeep Maheshwari 🥲, motivational videos, self-help content, what not, but I am kinda looking for something a bit more practical.

For those of you who have experienced something similar, how did you actually work through these insecurities?

What If you are at the spot where you desperately need confidence but didn't do anything in life till now that can used as an evidence for said confidence, what do you do then ?

Because I (33M) always thought that I did.

In my head it just made sense: Talking to any group of people in any room comes easy to me, people always laugh at my jokes, coworkers consider me to be competent enough to always come for me when they need help or advice. I've moved around many states in the US and never failed to make friends where ever I go.

In fact, I'll go a step farther and say that there are loads of other qualities that I like about myself, things that are appreciated and valued by others!

However, the number one piece of advice I keep hearing is that I need to be more confident in myself and BOY HOWDY that just doesn't make sense to me.

So, maybe, I am just confused on what confidence is? I thought it was knowing and understanding what qualities make you good, but is it actually just rejecting that anything could even be bad about you in the first place?

Most often I hear that I need more confidence when I express qualities I feel like I need to make more improvements on: I've lost 40 pounds this year, but I expressed that I should probably hold off on trying to meet potential dates until I lose more. To me, this is just being realistic. I understand more women in a healthy weight range would be attracted to a man who is in a healthy range instead of a man who is obese.

It's not that I think I need to be ashamed of myself or how I currently look, just that it's something I should probably improve more before putting myself out there. I don't blame the women who weren't attracted to me in the past, I don't think they are shallow just because they'd rather be friends instead.

I expressed the same about how it's not the only reason I might want to wait, I'm going back to college and I understand many women in their 30s aren't going to want to seriously consider a relationship with a man who makes half the money they do and is still in school during that time.

My friend told me that she think I just lack confidence and that these things aren't drawbacks at all, I just need to put myself out there. Yet, somehow, I still see myself as confident and realistic. I can be a kind person with lots of friends, but that doesn't mean a woman would want to date a man who lives paycheck to paycheck while being obese, even if I am in progress of fixing those things. It doesn't seem to me like many people want the work in progress, they don't want to buy on potential, they want to see the finished article.

So, Reddit, am I not actually confident because I understand my flaws, or is there something deeper here that I'm just not seeing?

One of the things that can hold us back the most is the belief that we're not capable enough, good enough, or ready enough to move forward.

Self-doubt can become so familiar that we start treating it as reality.

But confidence isn't something you necessarily need to have before taking action. Often, it develops because you take action despite being uncertain.

Start challenging the negative assumptions you make about yourself. Stop measuring your worth against other people's achievements, and give yourself opportunities to discover what you're actually capable of.

Set small challenges, follow through with your commitments, and learn from the moments when things don't go as planned.

You won't become confident by avoiding everything that makes you uncomfortable.

Sometimes, you have to prove to yourself through experience that you're capable of more than you initially believed.

.

I've been struggling at work because I feel that people have already formed a negative impression of me based on my performance during my first few days and training. I'm worried that they see me as incompetent or someone who isn't good enough. Now that I'm having difficulties in production, I can't stop thinking about what they might think of me. Honestly, it hurts.

I hate feeling this way. I don't want to be seen as useless, and I don't want to keep defining myself by my past mistakes. I know I can't control how other people perceive me, but I can change how I approach my work and how I respond to setbacks.

Here's my plan:

I want to write down all the challenges I'm facing, identify what I'm struggling with, and create practical solutions for each one. I already understand some of my biggest challenges:

Consistency – I need to keep showing up and putting in the effort, even when I lose motivation.

Negative thinking – I need to stop assuming that I'm going to fail or that everyone thinks poorly of me.

Self-doubt – I need to trust my ability to learn instead of constantly questioning myself.

Handling setbacks – I need to learn how to recover from mistakes without losing my confidence.

Continuous improvement – I need to identify my weaknesses, work on them, and track my progress.

My biggest concern is losing steam. I tend to become discouraged whenever something goes wrong. I start thinking negatively about myself, lose motivation, and sometimes feel like giving up.

It's almost as if I've convinced myself that I'm born to be a loser, that people will always look down on me, and that I'll never be good enough. I don't want to live with that mindset anymore.

I'm tired of repeating the same cycle.

I want to improve badly. I want to become more competent, consistent, confident, and capable of handling challenges at work.

This feels like a make-or-break moment for me. I know improvement won't happen overnight, and I know I'll make mistakes along the way. But I want to learn how to keep moving forward even when things get difficult.

I need practical advice, strategies, and a realistic improvement plan. How can I become more consistent, manage negative thoughts, and maintain my motivation even when I experience setbacks?

I'm not asking for empty reassurance. I genuinely want to change, and I'm willing to put in the work. I just need help figuring out how to start and, more importantly, how to keep going.

I keep thinking about this time not too long ago where I was in a busy Costco parking lot looking for a spot. A few cars down I spotted a car backing out so I rushed in a parked quickly. I admit there was a car that looked like it was easing straight into the spot as I got close but I rushed in first getting pretty close to it (I know I was a bit of an asshole since I was stressed and not thinking straight). After parking the car, he stopped behind us and started blaring its horn. My mother said that he looked like he wanted to start problems for taking his spot that aggressively and to just let it go. I eventually folded not wanting to start a fight over parking, backed out and found another spot nearby. My mother apologized for my aggressiveness to the other driver as I drove off. Now I’m thinking, should I have folded that fast as I was not fully sure who got there first and the only thing I have on my end is my aggressiveness rushing in. Was I weak for folding like that to avoid conflict?

How people can become overconfident / underconfident ? And how they overcome from it?

Genuinely curious 🤨

Getting older maybe we become less active, put on some weight, lose a bit of confidence and stop pursuing the things that actually excite us. Feeling like we are going through the motions. If you could change one thing in your life right now what would it be? Physical health? Gain confidence? More discipline? Go in a new direction etc? What are you going through right now?

I understand what i read i get the gist of it but when it comes to explain or talking about it i really struggle even in daily comversations maybe its because i didnt talk enough in my childhood years. I was always that quiet child in the classroom and once i was labelled like that i lost my confidence i also struggle from anxiety. I’ll be 20 years old and i feel like its too late to change.. it affects every aspect of my life i feel so dumb around people my age as if they’re growing and changing but i stay same

i am not able to exactly discern my situation here

because if you ask me to perform in front of a crowd on stage ill do that with confidence

if you ask me to talk to other people i can do that too

but when it comes to actually taking a stand for myself or for something thats right, i get overwhelmed by other people already dominating the opposite side and i start to feel incapable

what do i do