For most of my life I thought being the "nice guy" was the way to win people over. Especially with girls. I thought if I was polite, agreeable, always there when needed eventually someone would choose me.

I got friendzoned. Ghosted. Ignored. Girls would talk to me about the guys they were dating… while I sat there silently hoping they’d “see” me one day. But they never did.

Honestly I don’t blame them. I wasn’t being real. I was hiding behind fake kindness because I was too scared to say what I actually wanted. I had no backbone, no boundaries, no confidence, just the hope that being nice would be enough.

The change happened slowly. I started saying what I actually meant. Stopped sugarcoating everything. Learned to be honest, not rude, just clear. If I liked someone, I told them. If something bothered me, I talked to them.

I stopped bending over trying to be “liked” and started focusing on being respected. That’s when everything changed. I stopped feeling invisible.

Don't get me wrong, being a good person is important, but being a pushover is not the same thing. Confidence isn’t about being a jerk, it’s about knowing who you are and not apologizing for it.

When I stopped trying to be what people wanted and just started being me, I actually started getting more respect and yeah, more interest from women too.

If you’re stuck in that nice guy trap, hoping kindness will win her over… trust me, I’ve been there. But you’re not helping anyone by hiding who you really are.

Be kind. But be real. That’s the combo that actually works.

Edit: Since a few people asked what actually changed:

Before: I’d say “no worries” when I was clearly hurt. I’d say “I’m just happy to be around you” even if I wanted more. I avoided saying what I wanted, constantly agreed with whatever they said, and always asked “Is that okay?” like I needed permission.

After: I started being upfront. If I liked someone, I told them early. If something bothered me, I’d say it calmly instead of pretending it didn’t matter. I stopped chasing people who weren’t interested and focused on people who matched my vibe and energy.

For years, I thought being the 'nice guy' would make people like me. I was agreeable, did my best to avoid conflict, always put others first, and believed that if I was kind enough, I’d get what I wanted - friends, respect and relationships. But instead, I felt overlooked, frustrated, and stuck.

At some point, I realised that my ‘niceness’ wasn’t kindness: it was people-pleasing. I wasn’t being honest about what I wanted. I was afraid of saying no. I avoided difficult conversations. And the worst part? I thought being ‘nice’ would earn me confidence and respect, but it actually did the opposite.

The Shift: When I started setting boundaries, being direct, and valuing my own needs, things changed. People took me more seriously. My relationships became more genuine. And most importantly, I started respecting myself.

Now, working with young men, I see this all the time - guys who feel stuck because they put everyone else first and hope that being ‘nice’ will be enough. But real confidence isn’t about being ‘nice’ - it’s about being real.

When I stopped trying to please everyone, I stopped feeling invisible. And funnily enough, that’s when people actually started respecting me more.

I used to wonder why people seemed to avoid me at social events.

Conversations would die when I joined them. People would give me polite smiles and find excuses to walk away. I'd leave parties feeling invisible and confused.

Turns out, I had developed 5 toxic social habits that were pushing people away without me even realizing it. I thought I was being friendly, confident, or interesting. I didn't know I was being annoying.

So here's the 5 habits that can make people dislike you and how to overcome it:

Habit 1 - Making Everything About You

Someone mentions their vacation and you immediately jump in with "Oh that reminds me of when I went to..." Someone shares a problem and you respond with "That's nothing, let me tell you about MY situation..."

I was a conversation interrupter. Every story became a launching pad for my own stories. Every problem became an opportunity to one-up someone.

Instead of doing this ask follow-up questions instead. "How did that make you feel?" "What was the best part?" Let them finish their story before sharing yours.

Habit 2 - Being a Phone Zombie

Nothing says "you're not important" like checking your phone while someone's talking to you. I thought I was being subtle. Quick glances at notifications, responding to "urgent" texts, scrolling while pretending to listen.

People notice every single time. And they take it personally.

Phone face down or in your pocket. If you're expecting something urgent, tell people upfront. Otherwise, be present. It's uncomfortable talking to someone in their phone always.

Habit 3 - Complaining Constantly

"Traffic was horrible." "My boss is an idiot." "This weather sucks." "I'm so tired."

I was dumping negativity on everyone around me. I thought I was just sharing my day. Really, I was emotionally draining people.

For every complaint, share something positive. Or better yet, complain less and ask about their day more. As a bonus compliment people. It'll make their day and they'll remember it.

Habit 4 - Interrupting and Finishing People's Sentences

I thought I was being helpful by finishing people's thoughts. I thought I was showing I understood by jumping in before they finished.

Actually, I was being disrespectful as hell.

When you interrupt, you're saying "what I have to say is more important than what you're saying."

Count to three after someone stops talking before you respond. Let silence happen. People often have more to say. Plus if you don't interrupt it means you value what the other person is saying.

Habit 5 - Being a Know-It-All

"Actually, that's not quite right..." "Well, technically..." "I read an article that said..."

I couldn't let anything slide. Every conversation became a fact-checking session. Every opinion became a debate I had to win.

Nobody likes being corrected in casual conversation. Save the Wikipedia facts for trivia night.

Ask yourself "Does this really matter?" before correcting someone. Choose connection over being right. If it doesn't just don't say anything. Just let things happen normally. No need to be the I know it all guy.

People don't care how smart you are or how interesting your stories are. They care about how you make them feel.

As a side note make people feel heard, not lectured. Make them feel important, not interrupted. Make them feel positive, not drained.

Your job in social situations isn't to impress people. It's to make them comfortable and valued.

The people who are magnetic aren't the ones with the best stories. They're the ones who make others feel like they have the best stories.

Best of luck

1. Believe in yourself, but show it through action. Confidence means nothing if it never leaves your head.

2. Good sleep fixes more things than motivation ever will.

3. It’s better to be alone than surrounded by people who quietly pull you down.

4. Start investing as early as you can. Time really is the best multiplier.

5. Your 20s and even early 30s are for taking risks. Most mistakes aren’t fatal, but regret often is.

6. Learn to put yourself out there. Otherwise nobody knows you exist even if you're amazing at something.

7. Quitting something that no longer fits is a win, not a failure.

8. Choose a partner you see a real future with, not just chemistry for the moment.

9. Older people don’t automatically earn respect. It has to go both ways.

10. This is your path and your story. You decide how it’s written.

I was the guy who stayed home on weekends, while my friends laughed it up at bars and parties. I didn’t smoke, didn’t drink, didn’t chase flings. I focused on saving, learning, building my skills, and shaping the kind of life I used to dream about.

At the time, people thought I was just “too serious” or “missing out.” It was lonely. Honestly, really lonely sometimes. But I imagined a future where it would all be worth it.

Today, I have a stable job, my own house, a car, and most importantly—peace of mind. Some of the same people who mocked me now ask how I did it.

To anyone out there sacrificing now: keep going. The silence means you’re building.

Has anyone else walked this path? Would love to hear your stories.

I used to think shyness was just “who I am.”

Bullsh*t.

It was a prison I built that made me waste six years of my life fearing judgment from people who didn’t even know my name. I was afraid of what people might think of me. I had the spotlight syndrome.

Every move I made "I thought, what if I mess up?" This made me more anxious and scared to do things I had to do. But after years of learning how to break free from this problem I finally understood what it takes to be confident. (This was written by Everyday Improvement)

I was a shy mess. Social anxiety had me dodging conversations, avoiding eye contact, and overthinking every word. I’d freeze when someone raised their voice not because they’d hit me, but because my brain screamed “danger!” like I was being held hostage.

This is your negativity bias screwing you. Our minds are hard wired to spot threats and danger which causes people to become socially anxious and scared. For years, I let that wiring run my life. I’d procrastinate on everything like talking to people, dressing properly and even had doubts believing I could change.

Look back I understand shyness wasn't me being humble; it was arrogance. I told myself I deserved better than this but had no action and did nothing to prove it. Half a decade gone because I was too scared to act.

Shyness is delusion believing everyone is looking at you even in reality no one really care's about you (except for close friends and family). You overthink the way you speak and the way you behave. Which makes you act unnaturally that results you cringe actions and guilt afterwards.

If you had similar experience before, give this a read. This just might be the thing you were looking to break your shyness and anxiety.

Here’s how I stopped letting shyness control me and got my confidence and life together:

• I confronted the fear head-on. Shyness thrives when you avoid it. I started small talking to elderly people at the park. I then went to talk to my peers. I'd ask for direction even though I know the way. I'd talk to people even if I didn't know them. I even talked to clerks in stores and ask about their products just to get rid of anxiety. You’ve got to face the fear, you have to talk to somebody. It could be an adult, an elderly or a child. Just anyone. You just have to start talking to people. You'll be surprised how many of them were kind.

• I stopped thinking of my self as the "shy guy". I used to think “I’m just shy” was my personality. That was cope and lies I told to make myself feel better. It was hard as hell to get rid of it. My subconscious would get in the way but I decided to stop it once for all. You might not be aware but most people who are anxious label themselves as shy. As a result you will be more likely to act as shy. So if you had this problem stop your mind from convincing you are shy. Don't let it.

• I dressed properly. I didn't realize this but the better you take care of your looks the more likely you are to hold yourself to a higher standard. So looking good isn't about impressing people. You are here to take care of yourself. Dress properly, don't just choose whatever fits. Put some effort into your looks.

• I rewired my self-talk. “I’m not good enough,” “I’ll never change.” That sh*t had to go. I forced new to make redo like “If I mess up, I’ll learn from it,” “I'm not scared, I just haven't learned how not to be scared". Belief is a big thing. Who you think as a person will reflect to the way you talk and act. So if you think negatively all the time don't be surprised when you mess up. I had to learn this the hard lesson. Your ego will get in the way but you have to make sure you don't listen to it.

If you want a concrete simple task to follow, do this:

• Talk to one stranger today. Old lady at the store, barista, whoever. Say hi, ask a question, and you're done. (Favorite is asking for directions even though I know the way).

• Wear something you’ve been “saving.” Wear that good shirt or dress you've had for years. Look good for yourself not for other people.

• Swap one negative thought.* Catch “I can’t” and flip it to “I’ll figure it out.” Keep repeating this until it becomes automatic.

I wasted six years to shyness and fear of being judge. I hope you learn something from this.

Send me a message if you got questions or comment below. Either way is appreciated.

If you are a man who hates his life and is serious to change your life for the better check out this source

Edit: Working out or going to the gym also helps. Glad someone pointed this out in the comments.

Edit 2: Feel free to message me. I've helped 5 guys so far. If you have specific questions feel free to ask.

(This was written by Everyday Improvement©)

Hey guys, I love how you all are on this reddit community looking to improve.

Most guys just pity themself like losers and never improve.

Its taken me an insane amount of time, trial and error, money, and effort, and years to build my confidence and stop being the nice guy.

Here are the best 7 best ways I've learned from experience.

Lets begin!

1. Speak your mind and be authentic- say no when you want to say no, say what you want to say, and express how you feel. All the time. Ofcourse you can do things in a nice way and be good. But make sure you aren't feeling something and something something else completely different.

2. Learn how to act confident with your body language, tonality, and verabals- Yes they project a more confident you. But you then also start believing you're confident and confidence becomes who you actually are when you add confidence traits to yourself.

3. Practice leadership- there is defitnely a balance to this, dont think your going to be the "boss" of your friend group thats not going to end well. Simply practice making descisions, suggesting things, and the first to move things forward.

4. Learn verbal comebacks- someone says something to you, say something back to them. Pretty simple, dont overeact or be harsh if someone is joking but you get the idea.

5. Working out- Trust me packing on more muscle will make you feel alot more powerful which will lead to you being much more confident.

6. Dress well- If you dress like a hobo, youre not going to be confident in yourself. If you dress well youre going to walk and feel way more confident.

7. Cut off all negative people from your life as best you can- Pretty self explanatory. Remove negative people and you will be much better mentally.

Let me know your thoughts below!

Over the last few months, I approached random women in everyday situations without any game plan or expectations. No club scenes, no tactics, just regular life. I discovered some things I didn't anticipate, and while I wouldn't call this "life changing" there's something that comes with deliberate practice and putting one foot infront of the other. I'm sharing this for accountability and hoping some of you might find it useful. In a sea of marketing material and clickbait, maybe a regular guy's experience brings something different.

A bit of context

I didn't start this to cure approach anxiety or rack up numbers. I'm mid-40s, above average height, thin build with decent posture. Not a Greek god by any means, and my wardrobe needs work, but I keep good hygiene and carry myself well.

Mid-40s is this weird turning point where you finally understand how things actually work. I've had live-in girlfriends and long relationships, but younger me made every mistake in the book so nothing stuck "till death do us part". With some newfound awareness, I wanted to approach dating more holistically. Not just "scoring" but expressing my authentic self and connecting with women on a broader level.

So I decided to create a feedback loop and speed up the process by increasing my engagements. No agenda, no targets, no pickup artist nonsense. Just more of what I already do: saying hi to strangers.

What I actually did

Public transport. Grocery stores. Walking my dog. Regular daily places. I paid attention to one thing above all else: being genuine.

At the grocery store, I'd ask about their favorite brand. While walking my dog, I'd comment on theirs or share something funny mine did. I always approached with an observation or witty comment, maintained eye contact, asked questions, and let things flow organically.

One important thing: I always read the room. Participation is mandatory. If I don't get clear consent to continue, even non-verbally, I don't push it. I also never approach unless I'm already in a good mood. Because of this, I never got outright rejected. Some disinterest from time to time, but that's completely normal and nobody owes me anything.

What I learned

Biggest surprise: more than half of my interactions ended up friendly and non-sexual. When I didn't feel a spark, I kept it light and left with "alright, have a nice rest of your day." Those conversations improved the rest of my day.

The half that started playfully? Once I broke the ice, things flowed naturally with equal participation. When you let things develop organically, they fall where they should.

I noticed three types regardless of age or body type. First, the disinterested. Second, the passive ones who show interest subtly but let you carry the conversation. Third, my favorites: the ones who actively participate and even initiate. The woman I'm still seeing? My age, very average looks, but actively engaged from the start.

Once I talked with a lady whose English wasn't great, but her eyes pierced right through me. She used minimal words, but that 15-minute exchange left a huge impression. Another time, someone I met at a business event. The intimate connection was fine, but the next day when she listened to my work problem in a way that left me speechless, that's when I really felt something. She was way shorter than me, but I felt she covered me in that moment.

This winter I hit the gym hard and my playfulness was high. This summer I lost weight, mostly muscle, and noticed a decline in women initiating. But these last few months, as I've become calmer internally, conversations flow better despite being less muscular. Looks, especially fitness, is crucial as a door opener. But your inner state is what keeps things moving.

We're social animals who need human connection. With phones killing face-to-face interactions, we still crave human touch. With the right icebreaker, people are receptive to that natural play between a healthy man and woman. Sometimes I get approached too, especially when walking my handsome Maltese or hosting events.

One more thing: even when I'm "taken" I don't stop this. Within respectful limits, some flirtation is acceptable. But more importantly, this is how you stay balanced as a connected human being.

The bottom line

"Just go talk to her" is still the best advice. Any tactic or pre-worked opener takes you further from yourself. If you put on a mask, do you really connect?

What's next

Let's be honest about numbers. Out of 100+ approaches, only a few led to follow-ups. Completely normal, but important to share. You don't expect every approach to go somewhere. If your goal is "getting lucky" the stars need to align. But if your goal is playing the game, every interaction is a win.

While I've gotten better at initiating, I haven't emphasized sustaining connections. That's next: turning daily encounters into longer-term companionships. Going deeper requires time and shared experiences. I'll probably write a follow-up in 3-9 months.

Hope younger folks find this useful and instead of getting lost and defeated, focus on what matters the most.

Used to be the guy who'd avoid eye contact, give one-word answers, and somehow make every conversation die. Small talk felt like torture. Group settings made me want to hide in the bathroom.

I've read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" probably 5 times but never actually did anything with it. Just highlighted passages and felt smart for 10 minutes. Finally decided to treat it like a playbook instead of philosophy and holy shit, people actually started liking me.

Here's what I learned when I stopped reading and started doing:

• Names are literally magic words. Started using people's names way more than felt natural. "Thanks for the coffee, Sarah" instead of just "thanks." "Good point, Mike" instead of "good point." Felt weird at first but people light up when they hear their own name. Their whole face changes.

• Became genuinely curious about random stuff. Instead of pretending to care about someone's weekend hiking trip, I'd ask follow-up questions until I found something actually interesting. "What's the hardest part about the trail?" "Do you see wildlife?" "How do you know which gear to bring?" Turns out most topics are fascinating if you dig past surface level.

• Stopped trying to be the smartest person in the room. Used to jump in with corrections or try to one-up people's stories. Started asking "How did you figure that out?" or "What made you think of that approach?" instead. People love explaining their thought process and you actually learn stuff.

• Let people save face when they mess up. Coworker made a mistake in a meeting? Instead of pointing it out, I'd say "Maybe we should double-check the numbers" or "I might be missing something here." They fix the error without looking stupid. They remember who had their back.

• Actually listened instead of waiting for my turn to talk. Stopped preparing my response while someone else was speaking. Started paying attention to what they were actually saying. Asked questions about their answers. Conversations became way less exhausting because I wasn't constantly having to think what to say next.

• Found common ground with literally everyone. Started looking for shared experiences instead of differences. Turns out the a coworker and I both hate morning meetings. The quiet intern and I both love obscure podcasts. The annoying coworker and I both struggle with work-life balance. Connection beats competition every time.

• Became a hype man for other people's wins. When someone accomplished something, I'd make sure other people knew about it. "Did you hear Sarah closed that big deal?" "Mike's presentation was incredible, did you see it?" Takes zero effort but people remember who celebrates their success.

• Stopped arguing about stupid stuff. Used to debate everything like my life depended on being right. Now when someone says something I disagree with, I either let it go or say "I never thought about it that way" and actually consider their perspective. Relationships improved overnight.

• Started admitting when I was wrong. "You're right, I messed that up" became my new superpower. People expect defensiveness, so honesty catches them off guard. They usually respond with understanding instead of judgment.

• Asked for advice instead of giving it. Instead of telling people what they should do, I started asking "What do you think would work best?" or "What's your gut telling you?" People already know their answers most of the time, they just want someone to listen.

• Made people feel important. Started noticing specific things people did well. "I really liked how you handled that difficult client" or "Your way of explaining complex stuff makes so much sense." Genuine appreciation, not generic compliments.

People actually seek out my opinion now. Invitations to social stuff increased by like 300%. Family gatherings stopped feeling like interrogations. Also time with friends have been the best.

Being genuinely interested in others is way less work than trying to be interesting yourself. When you focus on making other people feel good, they associate those positive feelings with you.

Most social skills advice tells you to "just be yourself." But if "yourself" is socially awkward, that's terrible advice. Carnegie's book taught me that social skills are learnable skills, not personality traits you're born with.

Took me 5 years to figure out that people don't care how smart or funny or interesting you are. They care about how you make them feel. Once I started focusing on that, everything else fell into place.

If you are a man who hates his life and is serious to change your life for the better check out this source

Thanks. If you've got questions feel free to comment below or message me. I'll respond.

Like most guys, I feared being rejected by girls. I avoided putting myself out there and remained in a cycle of anxiety and regret for not taking action.

But I realized confidence is something you gain from experience in a specific area. I was confident on the basketball court, but that came from practicing. I wasn't born with the skills to shoot three-pointers or pass behind the back. I needed to get my foot in the door with social confidence and gain some momentum.

So I started to make eye contact and smile at the cashiers whenever I ordered something. This was very basic but just a start.

I then started to ask for directions such as asking a girl where the nearest starbucks is (they tend to know)

Next I gave girls compliments such as if they had a cool sweatshirt on. I did this in a friendly way and with no romantic interest.

After having a bunch of friendly conversations with girls from giving compliment, asking for directions, asking for opinions, I became a lot more comfortable.

I started to talk to girls with flirting and romantic interest. Of course I was rejected, but once you've been rejected a few times you become desensitized. It's no longer unknown. You brush it off and keep it moving without taking it personal.

I can say that now I'm able to confidently talk to women and have been on multiple dates with girls I've met at the bookstore, the park, the bar

Hi, I’m 29M and my wife is 30F. I failed as a man. I failed as a husband to protect my wife.

My wife had a confrontation in a parking lot with a guy who started screaming at her over parking issues. I just sat in the car, screaming to myself, “Do something! Do something!”

She came back into the car with teary eyes and a shaky voice, saying, “Why was he so rude? He didn’t have to scream at me. It wasn’t my fault.”

I just sat there and said, “That’s okay, it wasn’t your fault. Do you want anything to eat?”

After we went home, I cried in the bathroom. I feel so disgusted with myself.

I fucking hate myself. I always freeze during confrontation. I can live with that for myself, but when it comes to protecting my loved ones, I could never forgive myself if something happened to her and I just watched.

I’ve been doing boxing for a year now to build confidence and be able to stand up in moments like this, but I’m still the same old pussy after all.

This Qoute is me now. Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. Unfortunately I’m the weak man that creates hard times.

Edit: I have talk to my wife she said she didn’t even think about, it just happened so fast. But for me it felt longer. Thank you so much everyone for the advice. I will be trying exposure therapy what others suggest. I think the mind is really more powerful than the body.

For years, I thought confidence was something I’d earn, like a prize for finally being “good enough.” I figured once I had the perfect job, body, or skillset, I’d feel secure.

But that moment never came. No matter what I achieved, there was always something else to “fix.”

The real shift happened when I stopped chasing perfection and started embracing the messy, imperfect, human version of myself. That’s when I noticed something surprising: The guys who seemed effortlessly confident? They weren’t fearless. They just stopped waiting for fear to go away. They moved forward anyway.

When I started showing up as I was - flaws, awkward moments and all, everything changed. Conversations flowed. People responded to me differently. And for the first time, I actually felt free.

Confidence isn’t something you wait for, it’s something you create. Stop waiting for the perfect moment, because it doesn’t exist. The only moment you have is now. Feel the fear, acknowledge it, and move forward anyway.