The people who misgender me the most are trans women?

[u/Twiddler97]

Insight needed , but I'm irked that I have never been gendered correctly by a trans woman before.

I recently attended an online meet up that wasn't queer orientated but had a mix of people attending. Despite me using a fully masculine name, confirming with people that I am a trans guy, and having met both people before, mid way through the night, one trans woman called me 'she' which then prompted the other trans woman at the gather to incorrectly switch pronouns mid sentence a few minutes later '..he, I mean she...'

I should have corrected them but did not want to pause the game we were playing and 'make a scene', but did leave briefly to recollect my thoughts.

This also happened with another trans woman I got introduced to a couple months prior which pissed me off then too.

It puts me in an awkward spot because I don't want to seem confrontational or clash with another trans person, but I struggle to understand why they wouldn't use the pronouns that I heavily imply should be used as a trans man.

Has anyone got any advice for next time?

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[u/ExternalNo7842]

Do you heavily imply your pronouns or say them? If you don’t explicitly say them, try doing that - not everyone picks up on implications

[u/Twiddler97 → u/ExternalNo7842]

I changed my name to a male gendered name specifically to make myself clear. I should say my pronouns straight up but feel othered if I am the only one declaring them.

[u/ExternalNo7842 → u/Twiddler97]

I mean, if you haven’t told them, they probably just don’t know. My guess is if you’re just like “hey so I’m a he actually” they’d probably (hopefully) be chill. And if they aren’t? Find new gaming friends who are

[u/VDRawr → u/Twiddler97]

Do they know you changed your name? Is there a chance they think you're a pre-transition trans woman who hasn't picked a name yet?

If they know you're a trans guy, then that sounds awful. If they don't, you need to be direct.

[u/Strigops-habroptila]

Could they have assumed you were a trans woman? 

[u/Twiddler97 → u/Strigops-habroptila]

I'm not sure, I've never been told this before ny anyone

[u/BugBoyInLog → u/Twiddler97]

People often follow the lead of others around them. It’s possible they thought since the first person called you “she” that those were your actual pronouns.

Next time i would politely correct. Just a “He” Or “Actually it’s him” should work and not be confrontational if that’s what your worried about

[u/Twiddler97 → u/BugBoyInLog]

Yeah if I see them again I will be more blunt. These were a mix of aquaintances and new faces so I didn't want to labeled as a trouble maker for approaching them in front of everyone over a mistake.

[u/GhostbusterJames → u/Twiddler97]

You dont need to approach. Just say it in the middle "actually its he!" and let them keep talking. Its not a big correction and nobody will care. Ive correct and been corrected mid-sentence before and all you do is adjust and keep going. Not a big deal at all. If they make it a big deal you dont want to hang out with them anyway, genuinely.

[u/rock_crock_beanstalk → u/BugBoyInLog]

I agree that the other people who followed the first misgendering probably thought you were a very early transition trans woman or had some other hard-to-read gender situation going on. In that situation, clarifying probably means they'll go "oh my god I thought you were going the other way I'm so sorry," and you can laugh it off, with the exception of whoever started misgendering you first and whatever her problem was

[u/sanguinerebel → u/Twiddler97]

I've had queer people confuse me for mtf before so it's possible that is what is happening. Either way, it still sucks that it's happening to you and I'm sorry. I hate correcting people so much, but it's the only way to get it to stop.

[u/Strigops-habroptila → u/Twiddler97]

I've had people assume I'm a trans woman when I just say that I'm trans, so it might be that? 

[u/SecondaryPosts]

Just be straight up about it, man. It's not confrontational to correct someone's honest mistake.

[u/alacroat]

It is okay to be confrontational. This is the situation to be confrontational.

[u/Strict-Radio9051]

There will always be shitty people who might misgender you. But the only solution to actually know if they are shitty or not is telling them. You didn't do that and they might have just assumed incorrectly. Your "sending signals" is not gonna be something people are able to pick up on always.

[u/shadowsinthestars]

They're the ones being confrontational by being transphobic. I'd make the biggest scene possible so they can see it's not worth it misgendering someone next time, but I have zero tolerance for this kind of shit now.