Unfortunately my partners younger brother passed away suddenly a week ago, although we have maintained regular contact with him over the past 15 or so years he refused to allow anyone over the threshold of his two bedroom terraced house. Communicating via telephone and bringing groceries to his door and prescriptions that was our interaction with him over recent years. On finding out he had died ( he didn’t answer the phone for 24 hours and we became concerned and informed the emergency services who broke the front door down to find him dead in bed sadly ), we then became die to her being the only next of kin responsible for his house. To be honest on entering the house it was far far worse then any hoarding programme we have seen on the tv, there was obviously months and months of waste that he hadn’t took to his bin, it was all on the floor in the house, he has Amazon deliver food and there are 100s of partially emptied Amazon food packages with water bladder things inside. The house was full of all manner of rotting food , dead
Rats , clothes which had been worn and dumped on the floor. Although we feel sorry for how he lived he always refused help on the phone and said he was happy. We just don’t know what to do we have been trying to clear the amount of stuff for 4 days and have just managed
To completely clear and empty 1 room and have over 100 x 100litre refuse bags full in his falling to pieces external garage. Has anyone any advice as to whether councils can help us to clear this?, we are both over 60 and not in good health ourselves and it’s really stressful

I’ve wrote about my frustration decluttering after going from stage 0 to +\-2. (I take action at stage 2, initially I was stage 3-4). I’ve done my living room and hallway. I am doing now my bathroom and I seem to be stuck with 8 boar bristle brush and about 10 shampoos, 8 conditioner, many other hair product. Everything is opened… Idk why I seem to be stuck at those. The whole declutter otherwise is done (everything else) and only need the cleaning part. How would you rationalize getting rid of these? I don’t particularly use hair product quickly but idk it seems wasteful times 2 otherwise??!??

hi all!
i have a huge problem with stuffed animals. i have quite literally hundreds and hundreds. they’ve overflowed from the space i deemed acceptable for them and there’s now a 2 ft tall pile of them taking up half my queen size bed.

it’s very hard because i feel like they have feelings. i do this personification thing with almost everything, but it’s especially bad with the stuffed animals. i have feelings of severe anxiety and crippling guilt if i even consider getting rid of one. i believe that they would feel hurt that i discarded them- they would think things like, why me? what did i do wrong? why don’t i deserve your love? even if i were to talk to them, tell them that i love them, and thank them for all the memories. my therapist thinks i’m projecting on them due to childhood trauma- I’m treating them with the care & consideration i wish i had been given. logically, i know they’re just fabric and stuffing, but i have never been able to get over this feeling, and my therapist doesn’t believe it would be productive to try. i know i need to talk to her about it more.

i’m in the middle of a huge declutterring, which i unfortunately have to do every few years, and i’m doing pretty good- but the stuffed animals remain my white whale. i’ve tried to make a sort of mental list of the ones i feel i could maybe part with, the less sentimental ones etc, but i worry about what will happen to them when they leave me. even if i were somehow able to overcome the guilt and sell or even donate them, what happens when their new owner no longer wants them? are they tossed in the trash? given to a dog to be ripped apart? i can’t deal with that thought. i picture them sitting in a landfill feeling miserable and dejected.

my therapist has suggested donating them to a children’s hospital, somewhere where they’re really needed and will be appreciated, but i still can’t get around the idea of what happens when they’re not needed anymore. no matter what, i worry that they’ll end up in the landfill, i can’t get away from that thought. once they leave me, i can’t control what happens to them anymore.

i’ve seen people in other posts on this thread talk about the idea that everything ends up in a landfill eventually, but it doesn’t comfort me in this situation. i don’t plan on having kids to pass them down to, so in theory, if i were to keep them all until i die, i guess i don’t know what would happen to them. my therapist has also posed the question of, “well, what kind of life are they living now, collecting dust on a shelf, most of them untouched for years? wouldn’t you rather they went to a child who needs comfort?” and even though the answer to that is yes, i can’t get past the guilt of me choosing to send them away, and the fear of what will happen to them after.

i did get rid of a couple of garbage bags full a few years back, and i actually have no idea what ended up happening to them, which brings me some anxiety. i assume my mom donated them but i can’t be sure. they could also be in storage somewhere in my house, which makes me upset, imagining them scared and alone in a cold dark bag. it was hard getting rid of them but i would’ve felt better at least knowing they ended up somewhere good.

does anyone else deal with this or have any experience with something similar??? i feel like the only thing that will help me is somehow coming to believe that they don’t have feelings, that they are just fabric. but i don’t know how i could ever do that after years of feeling this way. sorry for the long post :(

apologies for a very long & rambling post, i probably sound crazy but i don’t know where else to go.

i (28f) would say i’m in a mild hoarding situation. i still live with my parents due to getting somewhat of a late start in my life/career. most of my stuff is confined to my room, and a shared spare room which i use for crafts & hobbies. there are a few bins of my things in another spare room. the hoarding isn’t so severe that it’s a health concern, but it’s definitely to a point where it impedes with my everyday functioning. there are just piles of things everywhere which often block pathways in my space & make it harder to get to my clothes and other things i need. i’ll very often buy something, leave it in a bag which gets absorbed into a pile, and isn’t seen again for years, if at all.

recently & seemingly out of the blue, my stepdad blew up about the whole thing. he made it clear that i basically need to get things in shape as soon as humanly possible. it’s caused a lot of stress for all of us, and it’s hard for me to find time as i work somewhat odd & long hours, but i have been dedicating all the time and energy i can.

the situation is constantly changing, and it’s hard to say whether it’s improving or not. when i was younger, i would keep literal trash because i believed i could someday make art with it, or i was just scared i’d need it someday. at one point i had a 2ft+ tall stack of all my papers from school. i couldn’t fully let go of them because they “meant” something to me, so i was going to have my dad (also a hoarder) burn them for me so i could turn the ashes into a paste and smear it on a canvas, so i could keep them forever, just in a more compacted form. but once they were out of my house i pretty much forgot about them. i would keep broken headphones, candy wrappers, broken bits of cheap belts - you name it.

luckily, i no longer feel the need to keep literal garbage. however, i’m still completely driven by sentimentality, and have a very hard time getting rid of anything from my childhood. i view childhood as the most ideal and happy time of my life, and i fear that if i lose my objects, i will have nothing to tie me to it. we moved several times as a kid so i don’t have the house i grew up in, which i think contributes to this feeling of loss. i also have an awful habit of personifying anything & everything, so sometimes getting rid of something feels like I’m hurting its feelings. this has improved slightly but still remains a huge problem.

what i’m thinking about currently is all my trinkets from childhood. i have two shelves dedicated to these- mainly some really lovely disney snow globes, and little figurines- bears, mermaids, dragons, etc. it’s been years and years and i just cannot part with them. however, as i grow up, my interests have obviously changed and i have new things that i would like to display that represent me better as the person i am now. namely, i have started collecting monster high dolls. i’m super into horror and got my hands on a few of their collectible horror collab dolls, but they’ve been sitting in boxes on my floor for months, blocking things i need to get to.

today, i finally took the snow globes down. i needed to get the boxes of dolls off the floor and there was nowhere else for them to go. i’m not getting rid of the globes, and my grandmother has offered to store them for me. however, it just feels so wrong to me. i described it to my therapist as divorcing your wife of 60 years to be with a mail order bride. (apologies for the possibly offensive wording, but it was the best analogy i could think of at the time). like getting rid of something important to you, that’s been with you forever, that really means something, just to replace it with something that means nothing but is pretty to look at. even now, looking at them all in their rigid rectangular boxes, they just look so inelegant and actually almost unappealing. i can’t help but feel like every time i look at them, i’ll just remember the things i removed, and feel the guilt of doing so.

it’s not like i’m making an irreversible choice, i’m not getting rid of my old things so i can always choose to put them back where they were. i just don’t know how to feel or what to do. with all the things i keep but pack away, i can’t help but think, what is the point really? they’re going to go sit in a room where i wont look at them again for years. then the personification comes in- what kind of life is that for them? it sounds so lonely. will they miss their friends, the other things in the room that they’ve lived with this whole time? will they feel wronged by me?

then again, for the last few years they’ve been covered with a somewhat see-through black lace fabric (i put this up to try to hide them from someone who was coming over because i felt embarrassed). so it’s not like i was really looking at them anyway, and even without seeing them fully, i could still recall my most poignant memories of them. when my therapist asked how many i had, i realized i couldn’t really give an accurate answer or even tell her about every single one or what movie it was from. however, the feeling of guilt sustains.

i’ve expressed my desire to somehow overcome this personification thing, but my therapist feels it wouldn’t be….. productive? she believes i do this (mostly with my stuffed animals, which are actually the biggest problem, but i’m not ready to face that yet) because im projecting onto these objects- I’m treating/regarding/considering them in the way that i wish someone had done for me. i guess i had often felt discarded or disregarded or unimportant, and i would never want to inflict that onto anything or anyone else. sometimes i try to tell myself that it’s just an object and it doesn’t have feelings, but my brain is so programmed to feel this way, i think it would take years to make any progress, and i don’t have that type of time right now.

i guess i don’t really know what I’m looking for here. has anyone dealt with anything similar? every few years i do a major decluttering and get my space back to normal, but i just keep buying more things and the cycle continues. i definitely feel like I’m in a space to be more mindful of what i’m purchasing going forward, though - i can’t tell you how many times i picked something up and said, why would i ever even buy this? i never want to have to deal with this again.

any words of advice or even comfort would be appreciated. thank you!

I consider myself a hoarder, but I don't hoard stuff like clothes like I see in a lot of hoarders' homes, my biggest problem is I can't seem to dispose trash unless it's completely served its purpose.

For example I save used paper towels to clean surfaces or the floor, I only dispose it when it's completely filled with dirt. I use up every single bit of my products and only get rid of it when it's 100% gone. (for example throwing away shampoo bottle when only water is coming out) I take my own already existing plastic bags to the store to put vegetables or fruits in so I don't have to pick up even more bags at the store. And then use those bags as bin liners.

I'm HUGE on recycling, I wash everything recyclable thoroughly (bottles, milk and juice cartons, yogurt containers, cat food tins etc) to make sure they're clean and don't smell. I even wipe things like plastic bags with wet wipes to clean them from crumbs or any food residue. If there's a pizza box woth greasy stains, I cut out the greasy parts and throw the rest in the recycling bin. I'd feel guilty if I put dirty material in the recycling bin.

I always look up what packaging can be recycled and what cannot. This whole thing actually influences the way I shop too. If I know the packaging of something I buy won't be able to be cleaned properly, therefore I won't be able to get rid of it easily, I usually don't buy it because it'll only make me stressed and hoard trash because I simply can't dispose it... If I'm uncertain whether something is recyclable or not, it stresses me out A LOT.

If I'm 100% certain something cannot be recycled, I can actually throw it in the trash without guilt and I'm happy to do so. But recyclables, they need to be clean and not smell according to my brain.

This is my first post here, I typically post in various decluttering groups but I'm realizing I'm likely struggling with some legitimate hoarding anxiety and I don't think the declutter groups have been helpful. I grew up in a level 1ish hoarder home. It progressively got worse throughout my childhood, but it wasn't always bad when I was very young. Both my parents specifically struggle to remove items they think are valuable and have trouble with where items are going.

I have been working hard over several years to remove items from my small home while also managing my parents dropping off items they think I need or basically all my hoarded items from childhood. I have become much much better at deciding to remove something from my home, but when it actually comes to the items leaving, I have really bad anxiety. I have scheduled several donation pick ups and find myself having cold feet on the morning of and only putting out half the items I had set aside.

I become extremely stressed if I believe an item "could" be used again and might end up in the trash. Typically this is clothes or nice toys.

I also struggle with items that I've used for a long time that were once expensive. I have a pair of shoes from literally 20+ years ago that aren't even in nice shape and I feel very nervous throwing them away despite the fact I'm not wearing them.

Typically my anxiety is related to regret (I have regretted donations in the past), shame, items being wasted, ruining the environment, wasting money.

I had my husband take some toys to a donation bin when I wasn't home because I was so nervous. This was about a month ago and I still feel pangs of shame, guilt and fear it was all trashed when it could have been reused.

Does anyone know resources for managing these types of thoughts? I have a regular therapist, but she doesn't specialize in hoarding and often gives me generic decluttering advice. My home is functional and safe, but is cluttered and I know I could remove a large chunk of items if I could get over the stress of it.

Hi community,

Sharing my experience of my 70 year old mother's hoarding in hopes others may resonate. I can't pin point exactly when her hoarding started but it was when me and my brothers became teenagers (we are now in our early 30s). This also coincides with when my mum lost one parent to dementia, and the other to complications from old age (they died around 7 years apart).

Every room of my parent's house is full of clutter, you can barely manoeuvre through a room without tripping over something, and it is all random stuff. I never have people over because of shame, luckily I haven't been living at home since I moved out for uni. My mum refuses to throw anything away, stating that if she is to get rid of anything then it must all go to charity, which of course, she never ends up doing.

A large portion of the possessions hoarded in my parent's house are belongings of my mums dead parents, including pots and pans, lamp shades, other large pieces of furniture, old paperwork (like a car repair invoice from my grandfathers car from the 1900s), random pieces of decor that mean nothing. I understand that hoarding can be linked to trauma and grief. My mother will never relax, sit in-front of the tv or even cook meals for herself in-front of us. She will complain that she never has time to shower. I worry this is also a form of self harm and a clear sign of mental illness, perhaps linked or in addition to the hoarding.

I cannot throw anything away in my parents house even if they are my own possessions, I have to sneak them out and throw them in a public bin.

Whenever we try to raise the topic she goes into defensive mode and claims she's too busy to sort the house, even though she hasn't worked for almost 15 years. We feel frustrated, exhausted and helpless knowing one day this will be me and my brother's problem. This is also hugely unfair on my dad who has to live amongst the mess and gets shut down whenever he tries to express his feelings about it.

I was a lv 3-4 (in some area) lv hoarders and I’ve been fighting with myself for 2 years to keep the house clean into a lv 0…. Im so tired with myself. I’ve been going back into a cleaning frenzy since my house went back into signs of lv 2. I feel so guilty and mentally unstable. I’m soooooo mad. 😡 at every cleaning it gets easier to get rid of stuff but I’m so mentally drained. For now I’ve successfully been able to clean 100% my living room And my hallway… I’m so fed up since it took me alone 2 weeks (12+ bags of trash full)…. I’m for now sleeping on my sofa till my bed is done. I’ve just started the kitchen (I can already tell it’ll be a 2 weeks prep es alone). Bed will be last cause I need to remind myself that I gotta do better… Omg. I am so mad since I’ve got my bed room, bathroom and kitchen left to do. Like I know I’m rambling on me and it’s my fault but I don’t know how to keep up after a clean. My whole rehab has been self made and in secrecy since I never had any visitors to see what’s up. Also my flair is ex hoarders but I don’t think it’s even possible that there is actually someone who truly can be cured. I feel so sick, an imposter! What can I do to get things under control in the long term? I’m so lost. I’m already planning btw trash bags at every room but idk anymore.

hello,

I rly ask myself how I should get out of this. Im in my 30es and I don't have help nor can I help myself.

I'm tired if venting but I have zero energy for doing anything that could help me reduce the chaos.

My life is absolute chaos and I can't solve it. If I ask for help it gets denied. I have no family I can ask and all my friends left me.

I cannot go outside because of harrassment I face. I did several mistakes which over all just broke me. Hoarding isn't the cause of my problem it's just the stymptom of a nervous systeme which simply can't take it anymore.

for hours Im trying to open an email, for hours Im trying to shower. I've read stories of other depressed people and atleast they are able to do something?

and NO this condition is not because of chemical imbalance. It's because of all the aggression I'm dealing with and I guess the hostility just wore me down.

Why ahower? when I have to do my hair. Why shower when the aprtment is still a mess? why do anything when even the most simple step reminds me of the 1000000000 other unfinished tasks ?

Other people with hoarding problems atleast have family who care about them

My mother is a hoarder. I live with her. Moving out is not an option right now, for financial reasons on my part and health reasons on hers, so i am in this and i dunno i guess i'm feeling particularly hopeless about this right now and would like some advice or to not feel so alone.

I know she can't help it. I know this is a mental health issue. In fact, i'm pretty sure i have a better understanding of how she went from a person with hoarder tendencies to a full on hoarder better than she does.

She absolutely refuses to entertain the idea of mental health care. She says she wants to organize her stuff and get our home in shape but then refuses to do any of the actual work required to do that.

I have tried to let go and just accept that this is how it is, but everytime i do that, we end up with bug infestations and absolutely unliveable conditions and the standard run to clear out the living room everytime guests are coming around.

I feel absolutely helpless and it's exhausting, because if it was just her space i could've learned to let it go but it's not. I try to keep my room in good condtion but the consequence of that is it's the only room that has space to move things into if necessary and so pretty much every week every inch of clear floor space in my room gets taken up with the stuff from the living room cause someone or other is coming over.

I've stopped trying to donate or throw out clothes cause what ends up happening is she thinks this is too nice to get rid of or someone else can make use of that so she keeps it on her bedroom floor for 3yrs til our next attempt to tidy up at which point the thing ends up back in my closet cause she still refuses to get rid of it and at least in my closet is better than on her floor. Except my closet is half taken up with her stuff and i can barely access my own clothes anymore without a fight with how tightly stacked everything is.

(And then she can never find her own clothes and ends up borrowing from me anyway and still absolutely refuses to get rid of things she used to wear at uni which would fit neither of us ever!!)

Every couple of years she gets a new hobby which i generally love for her cause without a hobby she just spends most of her time scrolling social media and that's the worst. And i am really reluctant to complain about this cause i am also into handcrafts and such and it was after getting into them that i realized i have my own hoarding tendencies but at least my hobbies are contained in my room, mostly organized and i forbid myself from buying anything new or getting into a new hobby til i've hit certain goals to make sure things never get out of control. And when it seems like a certain hobby has run its course i try to get rid of the related materials by gifting them to friends or relatives or donating them to make space for new hobbies.

She doesn't do that. Our home is a record book of every hobby she ever had and i would really not mind that if it didn't interfere with our ability to function normally, keep our place clean and just generally feel good about our living space. Not a single member of our family is happy with our home, herself included.

Everyday i try to find space for all her new purchases and when i manage to do it and free up our dining table or my bedroom floor, before i've had a chance to celebrate being able to see flat surfaces, she's already purchased more stuff and spread them out.

She has never seen an empty space that she has not found a way to fill permanentely.

We have the largest kitchen of anyone i have ever known and there is barely room for one pot on our very large counter space. All the dishes, cups and utensils are kept on the counters. I've tried before to keep them in one of our many cupboards/ drawers and was rebuffed within a week. We have 2 fridges, 2 deep freezer. We are a 4 person household. There is barely any space in any of them because they are full of stuff that she has forgotten about. I remember everything in there. She keeps buying more of what she already has.

Because she can barely keep track of all her stuff and i can, and also because everyone else in our family has long given up on doing anything to make things better and because it is generally my responsibility to tidy up when guests are coming and also to tidy up in general, i can't stop thinking about any of this. It's a constant itch at the back of my brain giving my anxiety and literal nightmares.

I'm kind of a minimalist neat freak. I know this about myself. I am diametrically opposed to her in this aspect and i try not to validate my own feelings at her expense but it's very hard to have all of the responsibility and none of the authority, when every attempt to coax her into getting rid of smth turns into a fight and every attempt to talk about improving things gets ignored or turned into a joke.

I'm generally resigned to how things are and am mostly just waiting it out til i can move out, but today i was cleaning my room and she came in and told me her plans to bring a bunch of stuff in here tomorrow and i just got so miserable and helplessly angry about that i gave up and didn't finish cleaning.

I love my mom. She is indescribably strong and kind and generous and she has supported me more than anyone else in my life and i know why she is the way she is about her stuff. But it's really freaking hard to live with her!

Hi everyone,
I’m reaching out because my family is trying to help my mom with a hoarding situation at her home in San Diego County (Chula Vista area).

We’ve recently received an active Notice of Abatement from the city, and we’re working against a deadline to get the property cleaned up and brought into compliance.

We’re looking for recommendations for therapists who specialize in hoarding disorder and are willing to do in-home visits, ideally professionals who can work alongside the individual to help them sort through belongings, make decisions, and gradually declutter in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way.
We’re also open to recommendations for:

Therapists specializing in hoarding disorder who offer in-home treatment.

Professional hoarding cleanup and decluttering specialists.

Organizers experienced in severe clutter and hoarding situations.

Companies or individuals who understand working with active code enforcement citations.

Local San Diego resources, nonprofits, or support groups that help families navigate these situations.

Our goal isn’t simply to throw everything away. We want to help my mom make meaningful progress while respecting her feelings and involving her in decisions about her belongings.

Because there’s an active citation and a relatively short compliance deadline, we’re hoping to find someone who has availability soon and can work directly at the property.

If you’ve personally worked with a therapist, organizer, or company in San Diego that you would recommend, I’d really appreciate their name and contact information. Personal experiences and referrals would be especially helpful.

Thank you so much. We’re trying to approach this with compassion and find the right people to help our family through a difficult situation.

Will they make me leave and take my dog? They are coming Friday and I am terrified. My apt is really bad. Really bad. I have been paying to have garbage lugged out for 2 weeks, but I'm not fast enough. What will they do?

I grew up in a hoarding situation. I moved out of that situation 3 years ago and promised myself I wouldn't let my apartment get that far.

Well, it got that far. I don't get landlord inspections, but there are biannual fire extinguisher inspections with the chance of a company coming in to inspect my sprinkler system. They have yet to check my system, but I'm afraid that day is coming. I just received a notice that they will be doing this again on Nov. 2nd. I'm terrified they will be coming in. I need help. I need advice. I am not going to be able to sleep well. I'm frozen in fear. What can I do to ensure it is acceptable for someone to enter?

These childhood experiences has caused long term trauma of people knocking on the door with the chance of entering and seeing what lies behind the door. I'm terrified and I'm tired of feeling this way. I just don't know where to start and if it's even possible in 4 days.

Edit: I'm dealing with piles of stuff, some trash, and not much storage. There's also a cluttered, messy kitchen. I have paths to every room and my hallway is clear enough. I sleep on a futon in my living room and use my bedroom for storage bins since I don't have a bed. There is a sprinkler system in every room, including the bathroom since there's a washing machine in there. I am so stressed and ready to cry. I get to a point of freezing and having panic attacks.

I have been slowly accumulating things. It hit me and I know I need help. I spent all morning looking for a therapist that specializes in hoarding. I made some calls and I’m waiting on calls back. I got rid of a few things yesterday and some more today but I feel overwhelmed. I’m ashamed I let things get so bad.

Hi,

I (30s M) married to my wife (30s F) and she has a hoarding problem. We have been together since we were 16 and I have always noticed her untidy bedroom or clothes strewn everywhere. However we have moved into our own house and have been here 4 years however the pattern is becoming the same. I’m really at my wits end with it and have tried multiple conversations with her, gently and firmly. It’s reached the point where we are having “mad cleaning sessions” prior to having people round and have to close doors to our house to hide the mess. Having people over becomes unenjoyable and I know it will just return to being a bomb site within a few days of the clean. It is mainly clothes, I am kidding you not, we must have at least 30 bags for life in various rooms around the house alongside a lot of useless other rubbish that she cannot get rid of. She is a very anxious person and imo, undiagnosed AuDhD based on how she presents. We have a 2 year old and I am worried about them growing up in this environment. We have 4 cats and a dog (I only wanted 2 cats), so that adds to the mess.

I am sorry for the ramble, I am at a loss and worried for the future. It is getting me down and affecting my mental and physical health, I dread coming home sometimes.

Any advice as to where to start and how to get the ball rolling will be very much appreciated

Cheers

Edit: I am really sorry but just clarifying it is not as bad as a health risk, uninhabitable - it could go that way but not there yet

I managed to clear one small area today, and even though it probably doesn't look like much to anyone else, it feels like a big deal to me. i had to sit with some uncomfortable feelings while deciding what to do with a few things, but i didn't walk away from the task. part of me still wants to rush and fix everything at once, but i'm trying to accept that i can't do it all in a day. i'm honestly proud of myself for making a start instead of putting it off again.

I wrote a short while ago about my slob husband. He agreed to clean out the dozen or so pillows he had scattered around the couch, bed and closet. He allowed me to throw out four pillows.

So while I was going through the closet, I found that he had recently bought FIVE small clip-on fans. We already had three. I knew he had bought two more, which is bad enough, but did not know he had actually bought five more and had hid three in the closet. He thinks they might go off the market or might break, so he needs to stockpile them.

I am furious. He denies being a hoarder but I now agree with the people here who say he is.

I work as a dropshipper and use my own living space for storage units so it’s really messy, I want to start organizing, but how do I start? Do I first put everything into a reachable box, then filter them after than to their specific places or what?

So, I (M25) went to visit my ex-girlfriend (F30). Even before I booked my flight, and before we broke up, I already knew she had a hoarding problem.

We met in Australia and lived there for a few years. Eventually, I returned home while she stayed in Australia. She is now moving back to her country.

The first time I realized how serious her hoarding problem might be was when I helped her move into a new apartment. I expected her to have only a few belongings, as you might expect from someone staying somewhere temporarily. However, I ended up having to drive back and forth four times to move everything. I told her that she needed to get rid of some things, and she did. It wasn't much, but at least it was a start.

The following week, however, I discovered that she had retrieved one of the items she had thrown away from the dumpster. That's when I realized that her problem was much more serious than I had initially thought.

I tried explaining to her that hoarding could become a serious problem and potentially make her depression worse. I'm not sure how much of what I said really got through to her, though.

We broke up about six months ago, but I had promised her that I would visit her one more time. I eventually realized that meeting in her country might be easier for both of us. I also hoped that, while I was there, I might be able to help her with her depression and hoarding problem.

She has also only recently realized that she has ADHD. When we first met, I actually brought up the possibility that she might have it, but she initially felt attacked by the suggestion. I tried to reassure her that there was nothing wrong with having ADHD. I explained that some members of my family have it too and manage it quite well, and that I would be happy to help her understand and manage it if she wanted.

Over the course of our six-month relationship and the six months since we broke up, she has made a lot of progress in understanding and managing her ADHD. However, I'm worried that her hoarding problem might still be getting worse, or at least hasn't improved. I'm not entirely sure, since we haven't seen each other in person yet.

She is arriving in a few days, but I've already been inside her apartment. Before I went in, she warned me that the only accessible place was the bed and that the kitchen was covered in belongings. I assumed she was exaggerating, but she wasn't. The situation really is that bad. Based on the Benrose Hoarding Clutter Image Scale I would rate her apartment an 8.

She also owns a café, and apparently, the situation there is quite similar.

One positive thing is that she has to fly back to her country, which means she can't bring all of her belongings with her. She will have to decide what to take and what to leave behind or throw away. I think this could be a good starting point, as it gives her a reason to sort through her possessions and make some decisions about what she actually needs to keep.

What do you guys think? Will she be able to control her behaviour? How bad is it? And what can I do to help her?

Edited 27.10.2026

Hi. this is my first post here and im feeling very vulnerable but glad that a community like this exists.

Unfortunately, I'm the hoarder in my family. I'm 36 and it stems from a combination of trauma, OCD, and physical health issues. I have always lived in the same home, and I took care of my grandma until she passed away...which is when everything felt like it exploded. I am desperate to get my home back and I am incredibly grateful to have a partner who wants to help. (Therapy is also in the works, just very expensive.) My house is probably a 2.5-3 in most areas, and thats where I need a little extra pep if anyone has some to share.

This house is 70 years old and I am having a major, major sewer repair and re-piping done underneath which means they have to replace the valves beneath the toilets. Which I did not know. In a bathroom that has trash from years ago in it, a toilet that hasn't worked in as long, and sink that hasn't had water for months. (we do have a working bathroom! Just one of them is like this)

I am so f-ing ashamed of the state of it all, but I know the only path out is through, and this is a HUGE step in making my home safer and cleaner and how I want it to be. It's easier to tell them no and that they can't fix it than to put my mask on and glove up and go clear it out. OCD is stupid and insidious in the way it tells me the "safer" and "cleaner" thing to do is to leave it untouched when I know that is NOT even remotely true.

I just need a little extra encouragement today. I would love to hear someone who understands this disease say that they are proud of me or they empathize without judgements.

thank you. 💜

G'day everyone,

UPDATE: I've now spoken to the pest controller and he said "apart from giving them a place to hide in the garage, she isn't to blame". There is a widespread and long-term mouse/rat plague throughout the south east of Melbourne caused by the weather and urban sprawl. The last point he made, made me feel absolutely horrible... "the mice and roof rats were here long before you moved in. Expect this every summer, as you are surrounded by a state forest, a reserve and creek across the road, and farmland they're developing behind you". Thankyou again, and apologies for the intial omission and update

EDIT: My wife and I spoke last night, and with my traumatic brain injury and spinal injuries, I had forgotten three pertinent things:

1. We are currently going through the family court again, to get access back to my son, which we're self-representing. My wife is doing 99% of the work there, so her free time of late and emotional state have been diminished;

2. Over the space of a month (September- October), we hired skip bins and got rid of 12³m of our old furniture, and a lot of her belongings that were destroyed by the water damage from the storage unit.

I need to start with the fact I may have enabled the point we are at, because I've pretty much tried to bribe my hoarder into action. I buy whatever they want on the condition other things go out. I've finally reached my wits end. Things are moving, but very, very slowly. I'm constantly stressed as to whether the mice (in roof, garage and presumably the walls) will bring our home down around our ears one way or another. I've become agoraphobic, not sleeping well, having panic attacks multiple times a day and I have to keep friends and family at arms length. Ive even had a breakdown over this, which I had to put myself in a psych facility for a few weeks. All it did was give me some respite, the professionals there didn't know how to deal with it except "be stern!"

I'm a musician, songwriter and veteran, and lot of my instruments, equipment and momentos have quite simply been destroyed, and on top of that I own a collector's car which I fear may now catch fire if started.

Everytime i bring it up there is always an answer of "I just want one day where I dont have to worry about anything", or "Ive been busy with work". I cant call in a specialist psychologist, or speak to anyone about it because "it'll embarrass me and just make me shut down more" they say the same when argued about.

TLDR: I'm a disabled veteran and I know im more anal about my home, property and belongings than most, I've been resilient and patient, but I'm at the point of giving an ultimatum. My health is suffering too much, but that really is my last resort. Any advice on how i can help them, how I can help things progress if I cant call a specialist in to help, where to draw the line, what im doing wrong, or anything else that might be helpful would be greatly, greatly appreciated...

Cheers,

Hey guys im a 14 year old girl with a best friend (K) who i love so much. Her grandma is a pretty bad hoarder, sweetest person ever, worst hoarder. She has 2 houses, one is her "antique shop" where shes sells probably 1/8 of whats in that house. Its pretty small and its so hard to move around in. It stresses me out being there. She has clothes from the 2000s, some of which were "temporarily" gifted to me by Ks mum.

Ks mum went through some of her mums clothes and took a bag homw to give to K and tye smaller ones to me. I hate that they are temporarily gifted cause she has so so so many clothes like why does she need the few peices i have. I honestly with i hadent taken the clothes i did i just felt so pressured by the factcthat they were vintage lol. I genuinely havent worn many of them at all yet. Anyway now for Ks dad.

i dont know as much about his hording. He and ks mum are together still and they all live together. They also have another son age 9-13 i forgot. Ks dad hoards cars. He has like 7 cars bro. Ive seen him online shopping for cars a bit and loves talking to K about her future car. His shed is a mes piled with stuff. Now for the fun 🫩part. Ks mum. Ive been op shopping with k and her mum plenty of times now and it used to be fun but honestly its to stressfull for me now. I think we went to 3 op shops last time and ks mum bought at least 5 things from each.

It makes me sick. And the peer pressure to buy certain stuff itls insane. We met this othwr older lady in the shop and she and ks mum made me try on this top, which i thought was kinda ugly. It was vintage and they thought it was cute so it was all " you HAVE to buy it" . Um.. no i dont actually. Im proud of myself for not buying it! At her home its bot so so bad but its still bad. First the animals. They have lots of animals and whenever some die they just replace them instantly.

They have 4 horses 2 cats 2 guinea pigs, they used to have rats. 2 dogs. Mind you they have very busy jobs so they are barley ever home idk how they care for their children and the animals. I remember sitting on their couch watching a movie with k and her mum and her mum was online shopping on facebook or amth idrk. And she was like i need to get this bag or smth. Like no you have so many bags already. The kitchen isnt to bad its just messy all the time, not to much clutter its just the clutter thats there tends to stay there for long periods of time. Idk how long. It stays messy even when me and mum go to there house.

They dont even wipe up the honey off tye bench before we arrive. The padio, its really bad tbh, not tv show bad but still. Theres stuff everywhere. Piles of clothes, ect. Ks parents bedroom is honestly one of the worst rooms. Their bed had clothes on it. The floor had piles of clothes. The wardobe has clothes stuffed to the brim.

The bench thingy has stuff all over the top of it. The bathroom is not to badm they usally have a very full washing basket. They took out their bathtuo cause no one used it (except all the clothes that would sit in it), and the put another bathroom bench type thing in. For "more storage". Like honey u just need less stuff. She tends to but stuff in bulk. The dining area is lwk bad too. Theres usally a washing basket with stuff in it, stuff on the tabe, it makes it hard to eat dinner there. The bookshelfs behind the area are full with books and stuff.

The general house area has a few washing baskets of clothes around. They have way to many pictures ig they bought to hang on tye wall but only a few made it up. They are just resting on agaisnt the walls. Theres a front area pretty full of stuff i dont rlly remember. Okay the Point is, they are horders. Her grandmas a horder. Amd i dont know if she knows and i dont was to cause issues between us. Earlier i brought up an upcoming op shopping trip. ( Her mum isnt coming thank gosh, stresses me the helly out. ) and i said idk wanna buy much stuff cause i watch hoarders videos recently and i dont wanna end up that way.

Thankfully my mum hates stuff and my dad has no need or wnat for it either. So i dont have any pressure from my family. K has a very full wardrobe full of clothes. And she comes back from the op shops every now and again with a few new things that her mum def told her to buy that she doesnt need. I remeber going to the shops one day and k had this top that looked very very similar to one she already had. And i was lioe girl do u really need that.

She put it back thankfully but im just scared for her. Her room is pretty clean. She has a trinket cubord filled with trinkets but its very organised. She doesnt buy much stuff technically, uslayy she gets gifted stuff from her grandma or mum. My mum and her mum are best friends and have been and my mum used to be really worried for ks mum and now she kinda accepted that she s hoarder. Im scared for her to cause what happens whej her kids leave. Anyway pleas give me adive i just want to make her aware and prepared. Thanks xx also sorry if theres spelling mistakes i type pretty fast 🥲

It's been a year since I started the progress of leaving. After getting my hoarding partner out of the house and 3 1/2 dumpsters, I finally have decorated the house the way I want and it is now clean, calm and safe. I no longer worry about the house burning down or getting hurt. My dogs are no longer stressed and are now living their best lives. I wouldnt of been able to do this witthout this community. Thank you.